Happy Freedom

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Created: Friday, 06 January 2006 06:33

At age 13 years old I had surgery with ether. Saw myself flat on my back speeding through a tunnel. All kinds of colored lights were on the walls inside — beautiful colors and a bright light at the end, brighter than the sun. But it didn’t hurt to look at it. As I got closer and closer and almost to the light, I woke up — about a week later. I just seemed to have passed out in the tunnel.

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Archive through January 3, 2005

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Created: Monday, 03 January 2005 15:42

It was about 8:30 PM; I had just put all my children to sleep and got off the Internet with my husband who was in Iraq at the time, he was getting ready to come home on emergency leave due to my illness.

I had said my good byes and told him that I wasn't feeling good. He then told me to get some rest. About five minutes after I left my computer, I felt dizzy and started getting light headed, so I went to the restroom and started a hot bath. That is what I usually did when I felt that way; I had had several surgeries that year and had many infections. So the feeling wasn't new to me.

I got into the bath tub and started splashing my face with water. When I took my hand away from my face, all I saw were people. I pushed my way through the people and grabbed the phone that was in my room. (I must have only pushed redial.) I couldn't see the floor or my room, only many people. I remember thinking that I didn't want to die yet. I kept on saying, “No, no, I can’t go now.” I haven't seen my mom yet.

When my mom and step dad showed up, I don't remember going down the stairs or how my mom saw me when she got here. I came to, I guess, when I saw my step dad. I remember them both carrying me to the car. On the way to the hospital, I remember going in and out and my mom saying, "Shelley, Shelley.” I also remember the two ladies that were in my house, whom I didn't know. But when the people showed up (in my house), I felt like I knew some of them, but most of them I didn't know. Two of the ladies were in my mom’s car; they didn't say a word just looked at me when I looked at them. I was scared when I saw them in the house, but I remember that in the car I wasn't scared; I felt comfort.

When we got to the ER, and the nurse took my blood pressure, she rushed me back to the ER room and called the doc. There were nurses and doctors everywhere. They started to ask me questions. I remember answering, but not being heard. No one could hear me, and I was screaming the answers!! I remember getting very mad because no one could hear me. I remember hearing the doctor saying “I don't think she is here”, and I remember saying “I’m here, I’m here!!”

As they cut my clothes off, I really remember one nurse saying, "Doctor, she's going into cardiac arrest!" Right when she said that, I saw my lifeless body lying on the ER bed and my mom in a chair, crying in shock.

Behind me became bright and I saw a hand. I turned around and looked at myself and didn't turn back around. That hand touched my shoulder. When I saw what was going on in the ER and saw myself, I panicked and started pleading to god, to whomever that touched me, “Let me go back, please let me come back. I have children and a husband that need me! No, not now god. Please not now. My husband is on his way home; he knows I’m sick and he's coming home from Iraq. Please not now.” Even though I felt peace, comfort, and complete love behind me and around me, I didn't want to go. The next thing I saw was the room become bright and the light behind me was even brighter. I remember turning around crying, and I asked, one more time, “Please, Lord not now.”

The next thing I knew, I was inside my body again. I looked up and saw the defibrillator above. I opened my mouth and said “Are you the plumber that's going to fix the pipes in my basement?? I’m glad you showed up. Let me show you the problem!!” The doctors and nurses looked at me like I was crazy, like when you look at someone in disbelief? The doctor put down the defibrillators, shined the light into my eyes, and checked me out for about five minutes. I turned to my Mom and said I love you. And I started to cry.

The doctor walked out and after about 15-20 minutes of sitting there, the nurse came back in and said that the doctor would not be returning because he was shaken up about what just happened. She handed me my discharge papers and said “The Lord must have been with you because we all thought you were a gonner.” I looked at the discharge paper and the doctor had put down severe unexplained weakness. Leaving the ER room, I was still dizzy and unbalanced. My mother and I drove home; I remember my mom asking me why was I looking towards the back seat so much. I said nothing, but I was looking for those two ladies. I got back home and looked in on each of my children, and kissed each one. My husband got back from Iraq three days later. I had another surgery two days after that to take out the damaged infected tissue in my stomach and spine.

Another two weeks after my surgery, my husband had to return to Iraq. My children and I waited another five months for my husband to come home. Since my NDE, my life has changed so much I take nothing for granted. It took me right until my husband was going to leave for Iraq to finally tell him about what happened to me. I don't speak about this to many, only the ones I’m close to because of the fear of them looking at me as a crazy person. But the people that I have told never have looked at me in that manner and always want to know more, like my story will get longer?? Or change?? Every time I used to hear stories like this, I used to say “Okay?? Yah, right??“ But, now I consider myself lucky to know what it feels like, and I know when it is finally my time to go, I won’t be scared.

This account may seem bizarre, it is my perspective, 9 years after the experience.

I went to bed and fell asleep - as you do - however, I was (suddenly... some time after going to bed?) plunged into a very black dark void. While being in this void I also knew (?) that I was dead and needed to look for 'the light'.

It felt very natural, as if this was the next logical thing to do, I was not at all worried about the fact that I was dead. Knowing that I have died seemed totally irrelevant and unimportant. I was not even slightly curious or interested in the body or life I had left behind.

While looking for 'the light' within this extremely dark void a voice said to me: 'Go back, it is not your time yet'. This is also strange as it was not really a voice I heard, but more like a thought that was running through my brain (consciousness).

After this... I woke up and had no air in my lungs. I had to inhale deeply and then used my asthma pump.

I must have had an asthma attack... or did I? I have not had an experience like this before or during the last nine years.

Interestingly, I have been on a life support machine last year and almost died - pneumonia - BUT did not have a NDE???

The 1995 experience is a mystery to me, but still very real. I was not particularly religious or thinking of death at that time of my life. I was a total atheist who did not believe in life after death.

It could be argued that it was only a dream, I can accept that. But I have to say that it was the most vivid dream I have ever had and it haunts me to this very day. It felt real and true; and when I woke up from that life support machine last year, I knew (again) it was not my time to die yet, even though I did not have another NDE.

Now I have to confess, I have not become a believer of any 'religion' as a result of my NDE. But I have experienced a 'shift' in how I look at life / death:

1) There is life after death! However, this may result in a loss of 'personal identity' as known on earth.

2) Dying will feel like a natural process of life.

3) Perhaps there is a God and perhaps this is what the 'light' means.


Well, this is my story. Not exciting or sensational, but really bizarre for me as an individual. I believe this to have been a true NDE, although not what others may expect from such an experience.

I was very very sick one night. vomiting, fever, the most torturous pain in my stomach. I thought I was really on my way. I could not stand, I could not lie down, all I could do was scream and cry and that was an agonising effort in itself. I yelled, I screamed, I wailed, I begged “Please help me... oh god help me... In that moment I felt something touch my third eye gently and I was knocked out. The next thing, I am lying above myself. Three native healers came in a light form. I swear this to you as I sit here now. They mixed herbs and rubbed them on my stomach. One chanted a beautiful deep harmonious song. They stayed and laid their hands on me. They disappeared and the touch again came on my third eye. I awoke in tears of joy and confusion. The pain was gone. It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life and I will cherish it for as long as I live.

June 1992 I gave birth to my 3rd child. While in labor at the hospital around 5 am, we had a 7. 2 earthquake and lost all light except the generator lights. Gave birth at 6:20 am. Placenta took a long time to come out. When it finally came out it felt as if someone ripped off a band-aid inside my uterus. I asked the midwife if the placenta looked normal or if it looked like a piece was missing. She looked at it and said it looked fine. The male nurse came in to do the blood test. He opened the needle and the 2nd quake hit. This one a 7. 0!

After it stopped shaking he looked at the tray where the needle was lying opened and exposed, he picked up the needle, ran his fingers across it, realized he didn’t have any more needles with him, and promptly stuck me with the needle before I had a chance to say anything. I assumed he never touched the tip of the needle and that it had remained sterile on the tray as he proceeded with the blood test, but I don’t know for sure.

They moved me to the next bed and gave me the baby. I started to get excruciating cramps in my uterus. I bent over backwards in pain, and 2 midwives came rushing to my help. They massaged and squeezed my stomach/uterus and a ‘mountain’ of blood clots, the size of 5-6 of my husband’s fists came out. They put me on a petosin IV to contract the uterus and stop the bleeding.

10 days after the birth, my friends had invited me to the park for a baby shower. My older children are 6 and 3 ½. Upon arriving I started to hemorrhage. I went to the bathroom and realized that I was loosing blood quickly. I told my friends what was going on, and quickly drove home, (5min away). Luckily it stopped bleeding as I was driving home. My husband came home from work and took me to the hospital where they examined me and kept me for observation for 2 hours. They told me the bleeding was probably caused by a second lining of the uterus, and told me to come back if it should happen again.

The next day. Around 8 pm I started to hemorrhage again. This time I had several blood clots the size of my husbands fists come out. My husband called the hospital and asked if we should come back. While he was on the phone, the bleeding stopped. They scheduled an appointment with the OB Gyn. at [another hospital] for the next day.

The next day. It’s now 12 days after the birth and at 9 am I saw the doctor. I told him what had happened so far. He examined me and told me there wasn’t much bleeding going on at the moment, and that it was probably just another lining that had come out! In the evening around 8 pm I started to hemorrhage for the 3rd time. Several blood clots the size of my husband’s fists came out. My husband and my father drove me back to the hospital. I told the hospital staff what had happened so far. The doctor examined me. He told me there wasn’t much bleeding going on right then, and that they would keep me for observation. I laid on the bed in the emergency room waiting for the bleeding to start again. I called the nurse for help as my body now had violent diarrhea. She left, and I waited. After about an hour I started to hemorrhage again. This is now the 4th time I was hemorrhaging. After I had 2-3 blood clots the size of my husbands fists come out in about 2 minutes, the nurse, by chance, opened the door to check on me. ”Oh my God” she said. She yelled for help and I could hear the call for the head doctor on the hospital loud speakers. The “head” doctor arrived and examined me with the help of his assistant. While he examined me I passed another blood clot. I told him I wasn’t feeling well. He called everybody into the room and my bed was tipped backwards.

The nurse on my right quoted my blood pressure as it fell. I could feel myself fading away, but at the same time I had extremely clear hearing! “50 over 15 hurry” she yelled. I could feel the nurse on my left working on my arm trying to insert the IV. I felt like I was riding an elevator that had lost its cables, plunging towards its final destination, I realized I was dying. Part of me, my soul started floating out of my body. I felt myself hovering about 3 feet above my body, but felt as if a piece of me was still in my body trying to hold on and getting the soul to come back inside! Like a struggle of strength to see which one was stronger, the soul or the body. There was an extreme feeling of peace, words insufficient to describe the feeling. The whole event must not have lasted more than maybe 30 seconds or a minute, and I’ve had a hard time figuring out why so many things happened to me as a result of this event when I didn’t even go to heaven, nor see the tunnel or light? I’ve tried to capture what I felt in this poem.

Thank You God

I was dreaming. Then, suddenly, I was pulled into a tunnel - I was moving tremendously fast. I knew it was not just a dream anymore - I remember thinking - "I'm dying, I'm dying!” I moved through the tunnel, and there was wonderful music all around - similar to Enya, Clannad, that sort of sound. But even more beautiful. I had a feeling of complete calm, safety and joy - a kind of joy which is not physical, but spiritual. Words can't describe it, anyway. I was pulled through the tunnel, and there was an area in the middle of it, where there was a kind of status quo - where forces pulled both ways - back, or further into the tunnel. At this point, I saw a tremendous light at the end of the tunnel - some kind of being was standing there. An angel? Christ? I don't know. This being can best be described like a polished saxophone, with light pouring out from all the buttons. These "buttons" were points or light sources coming out from the "being.” Then, I heard a voice, yelling, slightly distressed - a woman's voice - "Not yet, not yet!” She said this in Norwegian ("Ikke ennå, ikke ennå!"). I was pulled back, with the same great speed as before, and was out of the tunnel. Then I woke up. I knew I had been out of this world. I remember asking: "Can I tell about this experience?.” I felt that the answer was: "Yes.” I told my mother and sister about it the next morning - but my mother, maybe a little concerned about the seriousness of the thing, dismissed it. She told me that I had been dreaming of getting a saxophone when I was 16 years old (I had), and that this explained why I saw saxophone-like things. I didn't push it - I felt they wouldn't understand. I knew what I had experienced, that was enough for me! I've never had any "dream" like this later - only this one time. It was not a dream - it was real.

My family moved in temporary in with my sister and brother-in-law's family. My brother-in-law recently had a transformation, as his counselor stated. Something she said was rare. I was not aware of this. This is also what happened to me just a week later. I didn't believe in God at this time.

A tape of inner child by John Bradshaw was playing as I folded clothes. Something he said, overwhelmed me. I heard the word GOD. I got chills and instantly acquired knowledge. I felt my core. I knew every question I had wanted to know since I could remember. I jumped with joy and happiness. I completely understood the family system. God filled my sole. I was on a HIGH. I didn't eat or sleep from excitement for about a week. I felt like people could see energy beaming from me. My brother-in-law completely understood. We had this knowledge of oneness. A gift, a miracle. God was pure love.

I spent years addressing my inner child and learning lessons God presented. I knew everything was for a reason. Good or Bad. It was hard to evaluate my own self. I could evaluate others. My family said I was brain washed. I felt my family disowned me. My sister divorced my brother-in-law. Two of us was too hard for her to bear. I disconnected from my family members. I think for about a year. I had to be careful with my words with people. It took maybe years to figure out a name for what happened. Twelve years later, I find this site I yearned for. I needed to be validated. Thank you for this site. I can continue to learn and have strength I need now.

I had more experience of violence through my mother before, but this was special. I do not remember why, but in a sudden my mother threw me (her yelling and arguing) against that radiator made of iron/steel. I remember I got out of my body, looking at the situation from above. No pain or physical feelings about reaching the radiator. (After 4 years an artist gave me a hint, that my nose must have been broken sometime before. Then I tried to connect this fact with the radiator-situation. My sister, 4 years younger, was witnessing the radiator-thing. No one went to a doctor with me.)

In fact: looking at me from above I was sure, could decide to be sure, that I would not feel anything about being violenced by my mother from now on. There was a "caring someone" with me above (could not see him, but feel). Don’t know how, but there was a kind of exchange: S/He would promise me to get none of these pains anymore, and I must have agreed to come back to earth having a "mission.” I looked for this "mission" year after year, and could get near. Now, I am a transgender person (between wo- and man), being the only person in [the country] working with deaf/hearing families as a family therapist.

There is a strong feeling, that I discovered my mission, happy about this. Losing the "right" direction made me always feel weak, depressed and physically ill. As an adolescent, I remembered always this mission, but forgot the related situation. I tried to get answers studying theology. After that I was member of communist party, quit and started to learn sign language - leading to my occupation now. People meeting me the first time give me good feedback: They are feeling, that “this is my thing.”

I have to begin my account by pointing out that it is not possible to convey the richness of my experience with words. It’s a bit like trying to depict a magnificent sunset, by drawing it in sand with a stick. It was unique in other ways too. My memory of it hasn’t faded much, if at all, over 30 years. Although it was probably brought about by an overdose of drugs, it was nothing like an hallucination.

I had collapsed on my bed, either asleep or unconscious, but when I woke out of it, I knew it had not been any sort of dream. In fact it was far more real than normal waking consciousness. This aspect is so hard to explain. I was left with the conviction that a much greater reality exists for us beyond this one, I had seen it, been in it. What had happened to me was real, I mean really real, as if normal life is just an illusion in which we are immersed for our time here. Since the advent of ‘virtual reality’, I have found that is a good way to think of this existence. This reality is a wondrous, awesome creation, and it has purpose, but a far greater reality exists.

I did not find myself looking down on my body, but of course it was the middle of the night in a pitch dark room. I had been shooting up amphetamines and narcotics for two days. Somehow I had made my way to bed and collapsed there, totally out of it. Hours later I became aware that I was somehow apart from my body, and I remember feeling with surprise and wonder, that I had known the feeling before. It was before my life had begun, before I was born. I could feel my real self, and I recognized that I was the same self then and now. This was joyous. I was looking down on my life and seeing how unimportant all the hassles were. I could see life as though it were a game I had been playing, and how all the moves were just parts of the game.

Another way to describe this is the feeling you have when you have been engrossed in a really good book for hours, and then you put the book aside and notice the world around you. You had forgotten where you were and what time of day it was, because the story held all your attention. You take a deep breath and notice the real world, even as you reflect on what you have been reading. Well, life is sort of like the book, and having put it aside I could see and reflect on the whole story. I could see every part of my life, every event and instance all at once. Although it seemed instantaneous, I knew that every moment was there. These days I might say that I downloaded my hard drive. At the time, I think I tried to describe it as a replay in fast forward. I know this is out of sync with other folk’s accounts, but this is how it happened for me.

I then found myself traveling down a tunnel. It didn’t open up before me, or draw me into it. I was just in it, and really moving. I’m not sure how big it was. It seemed just big enough for me to travel through it. Although it felt like falling, there was no sense of up or down, just through. The tunnel was mostly dark, but I could sense the sides of it rushing past. I was facing forward the whole way through, if you can be said to face any way without a body. The practical part of me was looking ahead for obstacles on this exhilarating ride. The rest of me was thrilled by it. I tried to reach out to touch the sides, but I didn’t have hands. Well, not hands that I could feel with anyway. Words are so inadequate. I remember thinking that I should feel worried about hurtling along like this, and at the same time realizing that only my body could get hurt by an impact, and I had left it behind. Actually some of the modern special effects of a wormhole come pretty close to depicting the appearance of this tunnel, although without the extra dimensions of reality.

It was a very quick journey. A light appeared up ahead. It was the end of the tunnel and I rushed into it. There was no sensation of slowing down or coming to a stop. I was just there. I didn’t even think to look back. I was in a beautiful place. In everyday terms it was like a radiant, joyous landscape, on a summer afternoon, but it was so much more – inexpressibly beautiful, serene, and delightful, with the most wonderful light pervading everything. Something like rolling hills with carpets of wildflowers. There were many other people there, and they were blissfully happy. I can’t say how many - a multitude will have to do.

I was doing so much more than just seeing this; I was feeling it all with senses unimaginable. I knew these souls, they knew me. They radiated love and welcome. They were like family, and we rejoiced in our reunion. It was rapturous. Although we didn’t have physical bodies, we still ‘looked’ the same, just more complete.

Then a Being of pure light appeared in the distance, and I watched as it moved slowly among us. As it came closer, I remember thinking that I would not have been able to look at it with my eyes. It was such an intense, beautiful white light. A hundred times, a thousand times brighter than the sun. I was drawn irresistibly towards this being. I don’t mean unwillingly. I wanted nothing else but to go to it, fall into it, and be embraced by it. As I came closer I was overwhelmed by the feeling of pure love and understanding which emanated from this wondrous entity. This was by far the most wonderful and powerful feeling of my experience. Nothing can describe it.

This glorious, wonderful entity recognized me, understood every minute aspect about me, and poured love into me. The love was real and immeasurable. I never wanted to leave this divine Presence, but somehow, without explanation, I was given to understand that I would have to go back, and I understood that this was good and right and I ‘woke up’ in my bed, in the dark, thoroughly blown away by what had just happened to me. I walked around the house saying “that was no dream!” It had been so real, that waking life seemed like the dream for quite a while.

About two years later I first heard about Near Death Experiences. I could hardly believe the accounts I was reading (in a Readers’ Digest). Other people had had the same experience as me, and they were saying it was a near death thing. That made sense, considering the drugs I had taken at the time, but I never knew that perhaps I had nearly died. It had been the most joyful experience for me, with no negative aspects whatsoever. And yes, I gave up the drugs a long time ago.

It was on a Sunday afternoon, my husband had been to church that morning and felt God calling us to Children's ministry at a Baptist Children's Home. My Aunt and Uncle came to our home for a visit and we were sharing with them that we were about to embark upon a life of servant hood by being house parents at an orphanage.

Some time during this conversation, my spirit left my body and went to a very comforting, welcoming light. I experienced the greatest joy and peace, tranquility that I never knew was possible. I was aware of my surroundings and knew people I loved were there with me and others to, but there was no interaction with these people. I knew I was not in body and was not in the world that I was familiar with but somewhere else, whether it was heaven or in the present of Jesus Christ, I do not know. But this I do know, it was a place I did not want to leave and look forward to returning with great anticipation. As far as I know the experience was not detected in my home with my husband and guest so it must have been very brief, but will never be forgotten. Each time I recall this experience it seems as real today as it did 41 years ago. God Bless,

In 2003, I had an aortic aneurism. They had to operate or I will die. As far as I was told, my body temp was lowered and I was under complete cardiac arrest for 61 mins.

I remember that I made a comment to myself about how the operating light could be the light that people were talking about as doctors seem to be working on somebody. I was standing at the background and I was a child again. There was an urge or a voice that called me and I ran off. The chronological order of the events that happened is fuzzy. When I was a child, I had an accident. I fell of a ravine and was found face down in a small creek. That event, in itself, was fuzzy because I was a child. However, it seem like I was transported to that moment in time and I was watching as people were trying to wake me up which I eventually did.

There were several other revelations such as the origin of man, evolution, the meaning of the holy trinity, souls, my past life, etc., was disclosed to my by a voice. Then as fast as it started, I heard my grandmother calling me and asking me what I am doing 'here' and pointed to my mother. My grandmother told me that I should run to my mother because she will take me home, it’s already late and I should not be there. I did as I was told. My mother was looking around, I was wondering why she cannot see nor hear me because I was standing right next to her. I grabbed her arm to get her attention, then I felt a huge slap in my face, I woke up and the nurse was telling me to relax.

Things were happening around me and I was scared out of my mind. The dreams were too vivid and I cannot comprehend reality from what happened. It felt like it never ended. My family was scared and they had me tested for brain damage. The doctor dismissed their concern as just plain old dementia. I felt detached, nobody wanted to listen. There were several changes in me that I often felt confused and afraid. At the present moment, I accept my situation and just stopped talking about it with my friends. At times, it feels like I am floating just above my head. I felt alien inside my own body. One thing I learned is to stop caring and just let it 'happen'.

Was driving east bound on old Freeway, thinking that I might not be able to turn on to the new section because I was too high to judge distances. All three lanes turned left onto the new section and if you didn't turn, you would crash into a barrier that was there. There was no shoulders on either side of Freeway down there, concrete wall on one side, barrier on other. Decided to try it anyway. Right before the end of the old section, my hands went limp, my body slumped over. My soul fell, fell, fell, fell, fell into darkness, the pit, nothingness, I died. Was cussing myself out, thinking I must of ODed; now I'm dead. The last thought I had was "Oh God.” Suddenly was pulled out of darkness, back into my body, which sat back up. Was in my body just for a split second, long enough to make the turn onto the new section. After that, my spirit keep rising.

Was thinking I can't believe this is happening to a piece of •••• like me. Was looking down over earth, could see Michigan. Detroit had a red glow covering the whole city. The strangest noise I ever heard was blasting, or started to blast then, and I took off going a trillion billion miles up into the sky. I came up on 4 different energies with all this other energy all around me. The first energy, Good, moved from up in front of me, over to my left side, looking down on me, facing me from the left. The second, was my uncle who died back 1975, it wasn't his body, but for some reason I knew it was him. The third was my kids’ grandfather who died early that year. It wasn't his body, but I just knew it was him, for some reason. The forth was evil, the devil. These were very, very strong energies. As I was looking up at these energies, with all this other energy around me, I heard the Word of God. Here’s what I heard: ”You are a good man.” "All men have purpose.” "You have purpose.” "White man help the black man.” "Organize.” I started to fall back when all the energies started to line up in a row, in front of me. Right before the last energy, (evil), got in line, it showed it's face. First it was the ugliest, evil looking thing, then it smiled at me. As I started to fall, they fell behind me. Evil was last to fall. Back, back, back, back, back into my body.

I turned around and looked out my back window of the Pick-up truck I was in. The whole western sky was red. I had the radio on and it was like I understood music all of a sudden. When I got home that night, I had to write down what I heard but didn't have anything to write with. I took off my clothes and it looked like I had worms hanging out of my body. I took my lighter and tried to burn them off, but just ended up burning my skin. Then I went to sleep. I'm not exactly sure what night it happened, but I know the day I got up was Fathers Day in June of 1985. I have just recently became clean and sober with the help of A. A. and N. A. Have about sixty days clean. A lot of other stuff that happened earlier, during and after that night, but it would take too long to write it all down in this letter. The first time I ever read a Bible was after that happened; when I opened it, it landed on Psalm 107. After reading it, I knew God was still with me. Thank you for reading this letter and [for] your web site. I can relate with most of the after effects others have, who experienced death.

I was taken to the hospital by ambulance with a blood pressure and blood oxygen level more on the side of death than life. I remember going upwards towards a reddish/gray sky, similar to that of a sunrise called a sailors warning. I was told that I could go on or go back. If I chose to go back, I would have to live out the ups and downs of recovery. When I awoke, my ex wife was there and I told her I had died. I also told my doctor that I had no body.

It has been over a year now since that experience. I have had some rough times, but I now have no desire for drugs that alter my mind or cause me not to see life as it truly is. I had taken prescription narcotics most of my life and not having the addiction to them anymore has been amazing. My psychiatrist thinks I am a miracle. I had suffered from severe clinical depression and general anxiety disorder for many years and had been on many medications. My medications now are limited. It is hard to explain, but I can now smell nature and hear nature like never before. I used to wake up in the morning and say. ”God it is morning.” How I say, "Thank God it is morning.” My life has changed.

The event started when me and some of the neighborhood kids were out playing soup can hockey on a frozen pond near our home. One of the guys hit the can towards the shadowed bank and I went for it at a high rate of speed. It happened so quick for as I neared the can I heard a loud crack and plunged under the ice. I guess I went in at an angle because the hole that I must of fell through was not there when I went to pop up. I was in a mad panic. The underneath of the ice was not smooth but sharp like a jagged bent knife running this way and that. Fear and an extreme cold held me for a moment. I could hear thumping through the ice and tried to reach the sound. By this point my chest felt like it was going to explode from holding my breathe for so long (seemed like hours). I found a clear spot in the ice and could see my friend pointing telling me to go in that direction. I pushed and swam with all the strength I had left. Finally I could not hold my breath any longer and it all came rushing out. The feeling was the worst thing I have ever experienced. Like having your body literally crushed.

Then everything went slowly to a deep blackness. I was aware in this place, but there was nothing except a profound feeling of peace, calmness, serenity. Like finding your favorite hidey hole in the dark. this went on for what seemed an eternity, just the pleasant darkness. At some point I started hearing crying and frantic voices calling me and swearing at me! Then as quick as anything I found my self awake, coughing out water from my mouth and nose. An act almost like vomiting in convulsions from my body. My friends were all around gawking at me, save for one of my best friends who had evidently been performing CPR on me. Seeing as I was breathing and everyone was scared with our parents at their jobs. We all had been told to stay off the pond. We all vowed never to tell our parents so no one would get in trouble.

Looking back, this is the reason I believe I cannot commit to religion. As with all the Bible study and stories of near death experiences I had heard about. I felt robbed there were no angels, no loved ones, no light, no tunnels, just a peaceful void. I still think about it and hate to think that there is nothing after life. Shoot, I sometimes think even a glimpse into the proverbial hell would have been better so as to give me hope of some afterlife. I have talked to a few people through the years following that have stated that they themselves have had near death experiences and have never told my story ‘ill the completion of their tale. I continue to disbelieve or feel robbed due to their wondrous tales. I have run across one individual whom recited very much the same experience as mine and we both shared our views that we hope there is more to it then we received . I however hold no fear of dying due to my experience. I just wish to know how many others have had the same experience I had.

I was sleeping, I think, I went into a very deep trance-like state, loud humming sounds inside my head, I was going though a tunnel. It was like spiraling, spinning around, shaped like a funnel. I was being sucked through this. Then there was a very very bright light. At first it was really small, like a dot. Very quickly it got a lot larger. The closer I got to this the more relaxed I was and the light grew bigger and bigger. All of the sudden it seemed like I felt like something really different was going to happen. I was scared, it was a good feeling, but I started to think about my two small children. All of the sudden it was like I heard a voice from somewhere telling me to go back; I wasn't ready. The next thing I remember was waking up. Since then I have no fear at all of death.

I did have one other experience, that I can remember around the same time. I also, around this same time in my life, had a sexual encounter, which I still am having a hard time understanding. I was sleeping, all of the sudden I felt someone making love to me. My husband, at the time, was sleeping next to me. It was really different, but great, it was like someone or something was actually inside of me. Throughout my whole insides. I woke up thinking my husband was making love to me, but he was across the other side of the bed still sound to sleep. As I moved I could feel something inside me just disappear.

That is all for now, thank you for listening, it felt real good to get that out.

I had an NDE at 20 due to an overdose. It was intentional. The reasons behind my choice were based on the fact that I'd had my first Child at 14 yrs, and my Biological Family had Abused me Sexually, physically, emotionally those 14years. My Baby was with me till I was 17. When I became homeless, he went to live with his father. I realized after I'd lost him that he is and was my first experience with unconditional LOVE. I made the decision to commit Suicide because to me this was hell, Earth was Hell, so if that’s the case I had nothing to lose by giving up and cashing my check.

When the drug hit me it was explosive; I rocketed out of my body, exiting out of the top of my head. I lingered only Moments while everyone around me (below me as I was above the ceiling) Panicked and freaked out. I did not care in the least about that 20 year old woman I was looking down upon (ME). I found my self in a wet Cobblestone Tunnel that veered to the left. I was moving so fast, I had lost my Physical form and became a sphere where I could see all around me at once, it felt like a perfectly natural shape for me.

I could feel a magnetic pull (for loss of a better word). I was being pulled into a white Light. I wanted to get there as Quickly as possible, because all of these wonderful, Ecstatic, feelings emanating from this Light. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, FORGIVENESS, EMPATHY, COMEPLETE ACCEPTANCE OF ME, DEEP UNDERSTANDING. I rushed faster and faster to reach that light. I emerged in a sea of spheres. We were luminous (I had illuminated the tunnel while traveling there). We could pass through each other, and it was overwhelming the feelings and thought forms I experienced. All of us were trying to get as close as we could to the location of where all these wonderful feelings were coming from, A HUGE SPHERE that was just as easy to pass through as we were even though I never made it that close. Next thing I knew I was sent shooting back into my body. The paramedics were there, a young male paramedic was wiping my face with a wet towel and telling me to Breath.

I refused, he insisted, till I knew I was not getting to go back. I then experienced a wide range of emotions, Grief, loss, Abandonment, and horribly angry; I slapped him. The other paramedics were laughing. I heard someone say "that's why we chose you to revive her, this happens all the time when People go and we resuscitate them." The young Paramedic was adamant that even though I no Longer wanted to be here, he was glad I was. He continued to tell me that they had no idea how long I’d been in respiratory arrest and without a heartbeat before they got there. But while they were Working on me it took just seconds under 5 min before they used paddles, twice, to bring me back.

Within 3 months I was drug free; within 5 months I met and married the love of my life (married 18 yrs now). I had 2 more children and became happy and felt Whole for the first time in my ENTIRE life. I have always seen apparitions as a child. I began having Clairsentient experiences, then my intuition grew by leaps and bounds. In 2001 I started to have vivid Dreams of me being in a horrible head-on collision. For 4 months these continued, I could see in the dream my head go through the windshield and back again, tearing my ears and partially my face. The engine in the dream was on my lower legs.

At the time I drove a 89 Toyota Corolla. After 4 months and continually dreaming this, my husband went and bought me a 97 Mazda 626; he wanted me to feel safe. I got in to test drive, and knew in that moment I was making a clear choice, Die in the Corolla or live and not know what would come out of this collision. I chose Life. 16 days after the day of purchase of my car, the head-on collision occurred. A Man on the wrong side of the road accelerated in his panic and hit me so hard the rear end of My car came 6 feet off the ground and over the center medium into oncoming traffic. My Hand had been at 9:00 on the steering wheel so when the airbag deployed my hand Crushed my face. I lost 13 teeth total, four reconstructive surgeries and bone grafting to replace the bones I'd lost.

I walked with a cane for over a year because of multiple bulging disks. I was in Physical therapy for a year and a half. The pain in my face was the worst pain I've ever experienced in my life. My jaw was fractured and out of alignment, my nose was broken. I lost my Identity, my Job, Myself. I fell into a dark world of depression and P. S. T. D. I found out through trial and error with doctors for this to only find I was med resistant. Then the visitors started showing up. I had been praying for relief, help. One early morning my Grandmothers showed up. I was questioning my sanity. They said to me, "Did you think that we could not hear your cries for help, that no one would come to your aid ?"

And there is where and when phenomenon began occurring in my life, Magnified increasingly over time. Still to this day it magnifies I don't know why.

Thank-you for allowing me to share,
In Light & Love & peace,

Many people have near-death experiences, and have been ‘sent back’ to this world. But I’ve not yet read an experience where one person follows another, and is sent back. However, that is what happened to me.

On the night Dad died, I had a dream that has stayed with me to this day. I was in a great concrete pipe, and there was a cloudy light at the end, like a strong sun behind a white cloud. I walked up this tunnel toward the light. As I got closer, I ‘heard’ in my mind that my father had died, but that I would see him again in a long time (when I was about 76). I argued with the voice that my father and mother had divorced. I was again told that my father was dead but that I would see him again. Then the dream ended and I couldn’t get back into it.

When my mother came into my room and stood by my bed the next morning, she said: ‘Mary, I have some bad news’ and I said ‘I know’ but she didn’t hear me. And then she told me that Dad had died.

This dream is the reason that I never lost faith in God throughout my childhood or teenage years. I was told that night something I didn’t know, and was also given an anchor of hope – that I would see my father again. If I gave up my faith in God I also gave up my hope of seeing my father, and I wasn’t about to do either thing! Years after the incident I read the book ‘Life after Life’ and recognized the tunnel. This only served to reinforce what had happened to me that night.

To this day when I see those concrete pipes sitting by the road waiting for installation, I think of that dream.

Here I sit nine months after my experience and I still am just as obsessed and confused. Here is my story:

In the last few years I have been diagnosed with a life threatening connective tisSal disorder (Vascular Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome) and have suffered many complications and surgeries. Last episode in the hospital was for seven weeks where I was flown to Johns Hopkins, back to Buffalo and then taken to Cleveland Clinic. I was in four different hospitals with a total of 8 arterial dissections/aneurysms. My circulatory system and all major organs were gravely affected. I was in liver and kidney failure. Now the liver failure has subsided, but I still have chronic renal failure, 8 aneurysms in my abdomen/legs, significant spine and joint degeneration and pain. I was told many times, at all hospitals, "There is nothing we can do for you.” I cannot understand why I am still here. Everyday I wake up I am amazed.

At the time that all this was happening I was very scared. I full well knew how life threatening my disorder was, but was just not ready for this. Everyday since October I had been praying, "if you’re there God would you please let me know you are there.” I have three children and am 38 yrs old. My husband has not been very supportive with my needs and I often was feeling abandoned and alone. In January, I went to bed just like any other night... scared.

I awoke at 3:20am and my heart was pounding. I thought for sure, this was it, I was dying. I had a dream. In the dream, an old friend of mine was shown everything about me, the hospitals I had been in, my scars, etc. He came to me put his arm around me and said, "You are beautiful just the way you are. Everything will be OK. I will take care of you now.” He was bathed in a warm light... .complete love, peace, warmth, and light was felt. He was very loving... but I could still tell it was him. He still had his attitude.

When I first woke up my first thoughts were, "Is Jack an angel? Is he with God?” I then came to my senses, "Jack and angel?” Oh please Sal, get a grip. Jack is a tough, hard biker. Yes, he could have a heart of gold when he wanted to, but one of his favorite statements is, "I don't believe in God.” So there I sat up all night worrying, obsessing why I had this dream, what did it mean, and upset hoping Jack is all right. Praying about this to God. I finally came to the conclusion I must have had the dream, because I have been feeling like my husband isn't taking care of me, and I tried to settle down to go back to sleep. It was well after five am.

Next morning first thing I said to my husband, "I didn't sleep at all last night. I had a really weird dream.” He didn't comment or ask me anything, so I left it at that. To be truthful, I felt a little guilty that I had dreamed about some other man taking care of me, especially as this is the only other man I have ever loved. I went about my day.

That night, top of the eleven o'clock news, I heard his name and went running to the TV. They had said he was found at 5 am hanging by his neck by a wire after a snowmobile accident. They didn't say whether he lived or died. I literally freaked out, started crying... I was sure he had died after what I had seen. Again I was up all night, praying, as I felt I really knew now there was a higher power. Next morning I called the area trauma center and sure enough, he was there in critical condition. They said only immediate family could visit. I was able to read in the newspaper article that it took the paramedics 45 mins. to resuscitate and stabilize him at the scene. Police estimated the accident occurred a couple of hours before he was found.

Every day for three weeks I called to check on his condition. I even went as far as calling his brother to see if I could come in and see him, but he hung up the phone on me. So, I waited until he was out of ICU. Not knowing how I would find him, imagine my surprise when I came in, sat down and took his hand and his eyes opened and he waved at me. He had sustained a severe head injury, slit throat, four ruptured cervical disks, surgery and he was still on a ventilator with a trach. After they took him off the ventilator, first thing he was trying to tell me about was "dreams.” I have helped him since his accident with Dr. appts., therapy, and cooking meals for him, shopping, things like that.

He insists he was in four different hospitals... he talks about a plane, and ambulance (he was not in an ambulance), and being rolled through the corridor in a basement (tunnels) to get to "tests.” In this trauma center, all X-rays are on 2nd floor. It hit me after a few weeks... he was describing what he was shown in my dream. I was in four different hospitals, not him... He was taken directly to the trauma center in a helicopter... I was rolled through the basement tunnels at Johns Hopkins (which was kind of spooky and eerie) to get to CT scans and MRI/MRAs... I was flown in a small plane to Johns Hopkins from Buffalo. I was taken in an ambulance to Cleveland Clinic from Buffalo.

I've tried to talk a little to him about this, but it is hard... First of all he had a severe head injury with short term memory problems, he was in a lot of pain, sick... I couldn't talk to him about all of this. Couldn't let him know how really sick I was or he wouldn't let me help him. He had a hard time just letting me help him a little, he is very independent and his favorite statement is, "I don't need nobody.” He sometimes has asked me a few questions about it, but definitely doesn't get how bad it is. Although sometimes, it is as if he "knows.” Although I have suffered many complications, I look completely normal outside of a limp at times when my legs/hips hurt. I know he loved/loves me too... I just don't know what to do. I would never obligate someone to "take care" of me. I feel like it is not right, it is not right for him to love me when I am going to die. But I love him so much. My husband and I separated shortly after this dream... I finally realized I couldn't keep living this way... so that is not the isSal... I just don't want Jack to go through this...

So you understand how bad things are... I have lost the right kidney due to arterial dissection to the kidney. Have had multiple dissections of arteries in lower abdomen leading to my legs, and last time it split up and down both arteries and up into the last five centimeters of the abdominal aorta... to the left kidney (my only remaining kidney) causing chronic kidney failure, and on up at every connection into the aorta... the arteries coming from stomach, liver, intestines, etc. I have severe intestinal isSals due to circulatory isSals there. Yet, here I am still... I tossed away my cane the first time I visited Jack in the hospital, so he wouldn't know. I only hid this so he would let me help him with what I could.

I am so confused... I don't know what this is supposed to mean, what I am supposed to do, and why God let me see this, because although my prayer was answered and I finally knew God was there, I have been in turmoil over loving this man, but not wanting to hurt him or obligate him to take care of me, just because he said it in a dream...

Nine months is too long to obsess about this... I need to stop. I need to understand this.

I was about 14 years old at the time. I was in bed as it was bedtime. I couldn't sleep and I was wide awake when I looked in the corner of my room, which was dark, and I saw a pinpoint of light appear. The light expanded until it was the size of a human form in which a female being appeared. I was awed at this magnificent being’s appearance. She was the most glorious creature. Exquisitely beautiful. She had long golden wavy hair that seemed to shimmer... Her form was solid in structure, and as real as you and me, but with a glowing light around her. She wore a white robe that draped in soft folds on her body and she had the sweetest smile. Her face was like delicate china with a soft blush... her lips were the color of a beautiful soft pink rose. As I remember, she stood at the foot of my bed, Glowing and radiating Light and Love. I could do nothing but stare at her in awed wonderment, for never in my life did I ever dream that such a fantastic being existed. I was mute with amazement, staring with my mouth agape as she gently lifted her arms and placed her hands palm to palm in a prayer-like gesture, And bowed her head. If I remember correctly she peeked at me above her hands, as they were folded close to her face. If I remember correctly, she had a twinkle in her eyes when she looked at me. I don't remember if she said anything or not. If she did, it was erased from my conscious mind. Then she dissolved into the light and it returned into a pinpoint again, then disappeared.

I think she came to me when she did to instill within me strength and protection, because my life was extremely difficult and I had many tests that brought much despair and sadness, but there seemed to be a force that I could call on when it was too much for me to bear, and somehow I would be rescued. I remember after the experience that I would get out paper and pencils, and would draw hieroglyphics and describe the meanings of them to my Mother. She was very receptive. I also drew spaceships (today known as UFO's ) At that time, in the fifties, it wasn't as well-known as it is today. I knew how these ships operated, and what made them anti-gravitational... I drew a long tube that went through the center of the ship in which contained mercury, and possibly another ingredient, (can't remember what, if any)... Also vehicles that would be used on roads and would also float and move in water... Later in years… I see that it has happened.

I was a strange child, and kids didn't want to be friends with me. .I guess I was sort of odd... My thinking wasn't like kids thinking, it was introspective, inquisitive... I definitely loved nature and would spend many hours in the woods, for my family had thirty acres of land, Pine groves, brooks and little waterfalls there. It was a magical place for me. I talked to trees and told them I loved them... and nature was beautiful to me, a place of wonder and enchantment. Animals were my friends.

I had another encounter with this wonderful being again later in my life. I was in my forties... and in recovery (alcoholism)... for almost a year at the time, when it happened again, but in a very different way.
There was an Incident that happened prior to the next encounter... Somehow I know that they were entwined in some way. I had a very vivid dream one night, in which I saw three wise men on camels in the desert on my TV screen. My VCR was recording the scene in my dream. I woke up with the sense that something important was going to happen, in which it would come in a message of sorts. The next day, I had a strong urge to get a pad of paper and a pen. I also had a dictionary and a spell checker just in case I needed it. Why, I didn't know, yet. Then I felt a strong, overwhelming NEED to write! I didn't know what I was going to write, but I HAD to write. The words came pouring into my consciousness so fast I could barely keep up with the thoughts that came into my mind, but they flowed easily and with no effort on my part. I was receiving information so fast that I didn't have time to question the sequence of words that came through to me. I wrote about the Universe, Vibrational Frequencies and their importance, the power of words, especially LOVE! Which I was informed was a very, very powerful energy in itself and if the wrong scientists ever discovered the energy in Love it could be very destructive.

I was fed this information in a sort of biblical sense, (thee, thy.. etc. etc. ) I was told that there was more energy forms than hair on my head. That the Universe was filled with life, sounds and that there was energy frequencies that existed which were like (for a better choice of words) roads on which space ships could travel to other planets, and Universes. I was informed that we are made up of tonal frequencies and that we all vibrate to a different sound spectrum. For instance, a person's heart might be vibrating to G#, the Bones to another such as key of B, etc. etc. That sound could heal. Creating a vibrational frequency that the particular diseased organ would respond to and start vibrating to that tonal frequency in which it would regenerate itself. The same with bones, and everything else. I was also informed that one day hospitals would not be the same. Instead the Treatment Centers would be regenerative places where, Color, Sound Frequencies, and Music would bring forth healing. That the Aura, which is the energy field around us would be diagnosed... then harmonically tuned if blotches of negativity is discovered and then worked on to bring all in harmony with the body. Disease is first detected in the aura, before it is reflected in the body. There was much more...

Now to the Being. I had a very close friend who had the same interests as mine, which was metaphysical in nature, we would talk and listen to lovely music. One evening we were talking when suddenly I stopped talking, raised my hand to my friend to indicate that we needed to be quiet. I had this sensation that something momentous was going to happen. Then I felt this energy enter me... I began to feel ecstatic... I felt a strong rush of something soooo powerful I could barely contain myself. I felt such overwhelming love and bliss and joy... that I thought I would burst with the this powerful energy... My friend got dead quiet, I turned to look at him (he was sitting on the edge of the couch, I was in a chair) when suddenly he literally fell back against the back of the couch, his mouth dropped open and he said... my God... you're all blue and full of light... you look different... Your face has changed!! I smiled with such joy and heartfelt love for him and all creation... Slowly, The energy left. I will say this... for about a year I wrote, and wrote and I touched people and they would start crying and laughing ... some heard music, some saw the blue light. I touched as many people as I could... and felt their love flow through me to them... and they felt it too.

Well, there is more, but I am tired now and will finish this. I hope in some way I have helped someone, somewhere. The power is gone now, though I did feel some of it today when I comforted a friend... So maybe, it's dormant... .too much has happened since then. But I will never forget that fantastic year. NEVER!

My boyfriend (now husband) and I were driving home from a dinner party on the highway late one Sunday night (August 14, 1988) when I decided I would like to get some shut eye before the early morning. I undid my seat belt to get comfortable and distracted my husband. When he looked up, we were driving off the highway. He panicked and swerved back onto the highway but slammed on the brakes at the same time. The front wheels locked (before the invention of anti-lock brakes) and the car spun around and hit a telephone pole. Prior to impact, I was thrown against the dashboard and during impact I was thrown back through the car and landed in the back seat. I don't recall the actual impact, I only remember seeing the car spinning. I deduced the rest from my post-accident investigations. The next thing I remember was my husband freaking out about the car and he got out and came to my side of the car and attempted to pull me out of the back seat. I looked him in the eye and said "don't touch me!.” At that point, the pain overwhelmed me and I passed out.

I recall hearing someone screaming which I realized at a later date was me. At that point, I saw a number of cars stopping behind us and the people were all getting out and looking at me through the windows, but I was about 25 feet above the cars and could see myself in the back seat. I saw a police car arrive and the officer got out, come to me and shine a flashlight in my face. I saw two ambulances arrive at the scene, facing each other, obviously coming from opposite directions. The people that were surrounding the car 'looking' were wearing turbans and saris. I felt hands under my armpits holding me up but could not see them. The were telepathically telling me that everything was going to be all right.

Then, I was in a dark tunnel that had no light or air, but felt like I was traveling at an incredible speed. Suddenly there was a bright light that appeared and as I entered it, I was in a beautiful pasture on the side of a mountain with flowers, butterflies, birds and soft gentle music. A light appeared in front of me but had no form. I vaguely recall other beings around this entity, almost like little fairy lights and some larger ones, one being my grandmother, but she didn't speak to me, just gently smiled and I felt an overwhelming feeling of peace and calm. The bright light telepathically spoke to me and let me know that I was safe and showed me my life events up to that point. I felt emotions so strongly while viewing this, but it happened so quickly, yet I felt every emotion. 'He' then pointed to the heavens and they turned into a kind of projector screen and he revealed awesome knowledge of the universe and all within it. I was told I would not remember what I was shown but I recall the dumbstruck feelings I felt. 'He' told me things would be revealed to me when the 'time' was 'right'. (Since this happened, I've had amazing de javue's pertaining to this experience). I was told that I must return, at which point I was looking at the lights in the ceiling of the ambulance.

At one point, a few weeks after the accident, I was being transferred to a hospital for a nuclear scan, the ambulance attendants came to take me. One of them quipped "Wow, you're so light, what happened to you?" ( I lost a considerable amount of weight due to my extensive injuries). I described the accident scene to him and he remarked "Hey, I was there. I was one of the ambulance attendants from the other ambulance, the one that didn't take you. You really described the scene in detail.” I mentioned that I saw the whole accident scene in detail. He then said "That's impossible, you were unconscious.”

That was the first external indication that my experience was real and not a drug induced dream. At that point, I had not received drugs, they were not administered until many hours later in the intensive care ward. Since my accident, I not only relearned to walk (my spine was crushed) but have no aftereffects what so ever. I suffered a crushed heart, lung, all my ribs were broken and crushed two vertebrae. My back teeth were crushed and I suffered trauma to my neck that wasn't observed until days after my accident.

I have since become quite sensitive to light, sound and energy. I often see energy 'waves' and sometimes light coming off of people, especially from the tops of their heads. It almost looks like fire but in colours. I have vivid dreams and have dreamed events that took place at a later date. These events are usually quite personal, happening to family members. I have re-evaluated my religious beliefs and no longer attend church, feeling that it is dogmatic and misinterpreted (corrupted) to others' desires. I believe that energy is the basis of all and this is the true answer to all questions. I have recently given up my business and returned to school to become a medical practitioner. I feel the greatest value to my fellow man is to heal and help any way possible.

Because I had a long history of Crohns Disease (an inflammatory bowel disease) along with the earliest stage of bowel cancer, I was in the hospital having a total colectomy (total removal of the colon). The radical surgery was performed due to my own history of Crohns, along with my family's extensive history of colon cancer. About two days after the surgery, I developed a bowel abscess which developed promptly into sepsis. (Interestingly enough, about nine months prior to this surgery, I had had a foretelling dream that I was dying of colon cancer due to doctor error. I took it as a warning; and when the situation came up, I was able to assert my rights as a patient. I believe this dream did indeed save my life... but this is another story to be told another time.)

Subsequently, I was moved to Intensive Care (ICU) where they kept a close vigil over me. I was too ill to speak or interact with anyone. My skin was a funny mixture of gray and yellow. My family was told to prepare for my death, that I could pass away at any time. There were tubes and lines coming in and going out of me everywhere, and chemotherapeutic antibiotics and anti-fungals dripped continuously into my veins. It did not look good for me.

One morning not long after my move to ICU, I "woke up" extremely thirsty. I wanted iced tea with a vengeance! It was all I could think about. I decided right then and there that I was going to get well, go home and sit on the patio in the sun and drink iced tea. The only thing I can say about this experience (this is not the NDE I was still to experience), is that it was as if the fist of God were coming through me, this decision to get well! It was a supernatural power not of my own, so fierce was my desire and determination! When the doctors came into my room that morning, I told them I was feeling better and demanded to go home. Of course, they laughed. I was still very ill even though I had turned a corner.

A couple of days later, while I was laying in my bed in my darkened room, I began to notice clouds of light spreading themselves across the room. Now there was no natural light coming into the room, so this seemed odd to me. I would slap myself on the face trying to see my way out of the light filled fog. I noticed the clock, it was 1:00. Then I slipped out of my body. I floated through walls into some of the other patient rooms while out of my body to check on one particular patient where I realized he would be ok. Then I found myself elevated into brilliant light, blue sky and light-filled clouds. Someone or something was holding me to their chest like a baby. Even though I could not make out faces or forms, I just knew I loved, loved, loved. There are no words for the feelings of love I received and felt. This was no earthly experience, that is for sure! There were also light beings or angels that surrounded me, and they were singing and reciting the most beautiful poetry. As a poet, I only wish I had a tape recorder. I found myself in a beautiful green and flowering meadow at one point where there were people I seemed to know. Ever so often I would slip back into my room, into the light-filled fog, into my body again, and then I would slip back out. In this state, I am aware they told me about my future and my purpose in this life, but in my dense human state, I cannot recall what I was told.

About 6 p. m., I came to myself again, filled with emotion and wonder. The doctor came in to check on me, and I blubbered, "I am so sorry for all the trouble I have caused you and all the other doctors and nurses.” She replied, "On the contrary! You are a survivor. Most people in your condition just roll over and give up, but not you. All the doctors leave your room shaking their heads over you. You've been so ill, yet they find you singing in your bed.”

Three weeks and two major surgeries later, I left the hospital 30 lbs. lighter and very weak. Gradually, I began to recuperate at home. I did go out on the patio the first day home with the iced tea, reveling in it. Mission accomplished! As I would go outside and then begin to get around town and over the next six months, I would often look up into the cloud filled sky. It was if the clouds lowered themselves to me and I could reach up into them. I would become one with the clouds. I knew what it felt like to be a cloud! The clouds would metamorphose on me into ribbons of brilliant color rippling across the sky in shades of first fushia, then gold, green, and blue. It was the most intense and ecstatic experience! Or I would look at a rose and suddenly become the rose, be one with it, fill it enter my soul.

Since then, my life has changed in some dramatic ways. I am still ill with Crohns, and with many other complications that have come along with Crohns Disease. I do not know why, except that it has given me insights and wisdom I would not have if not for the NDE and the illness. I have foretelling dreams, and wise beings visit me in my sleep. I often leave my body and visit other realms in my sleep. (I even went to see my dearest friend on the Other Side right after she passed away from Crohns Disease.) I see things, am aware. I cannot bear to even kill a spider or destroy its web. Life is so much more precious to me. I believe that everything has spirit--consciousness, if you will. All life, both seen and unseen, is energy. Energy is life--it all comes from the same Source. We are all One, everything is One, past, present and future. Time is only an illusion, made up to suit our earthly experience. I have dropped all forms of organized religion and find myself open to much more universal truths. I am content to live with the mystery now. I live with the bigger picture, meditate, read, study, write, pray. I try to live with as much joy in my life as possible, in spite of being ill. I am much happier. I do not fear death at all. In fact, I believe I won't live to see a ripe old age; still, that is okay with me. I can work from either side of the veil.

I awoke this morning with a tingling skin crawling headache and a feeling something is about to happen. I called my husband and told him to pick up my daughter and that I thought I was getting a migraine headache. Then I realized what day it was, August 10th! It has been 20 years today that I had had my out of body/NDE experience. Then I felt a sense of urgency to call my brother to see if he is okay.

My experience and journey has left me feeling I have not done enough with my life but at the same time to go inward and keep my family close. But yet news events play such a huge role in my life. It is a nagging and something is coming feeling.

I am going to relive that day 20 years ago. It was a beautiful day except the sun was extra bright. I was playing with my son, Jimmy, who was only four years old. His hair was gold and it almost hurt your eyes when the sun was just right on his hair. He took my hand and wanted me to walk down the hill towards the creek next to our house. I had a sleepy feeling and it was very surreal. It was a butterfly on a stick; he was amazed. I still had his hand and I turned to go back up the hill when it felt like I had been shot in the stomach.

I do not remember how I got back to the house but I was crawling on the floor. I had been spotting and had been having occasional chest pains with my pregnancy. They told me I needed bed rest to keep the pregnancy. The bleeding had stopped, however, and they finally found the pregnancy in my uterus. They even thought they saw a heart beat. I had just been to the hospital the day before and had an ultra sound which finally showed the pregnancy. Everything was perfect. Just the day before, ultrasound was not showing the pregnancy.

It was like an ocean wave crashing, everything was perfect with life, you could live forever, then crashingly I was faced with the struggle of my life. And it was so unfair to Jimmy. All I was doing was trying to have a brother or sister for my child. How could I be struggling for my life now. I had a woman that was hired to help me with housework and with Jimmy, just for the early part of pregnancy. She called my neighbor, Rose, who was a teacher and had been a nurse before. She always knew who to call and what to do. I got in bed and was freezing and shaking and the pain was constant and intense. I do not know who called, but I remember talking to the nurse at my GYN's office and she told me it was indigestion and to go sit on the toilet. I crawled to the bathroom and sat on the commode, but felt like I could not hold my head up or lift my arms, then I could not move my legs. Suddenly I was aware I was back in bed and Rose was standing over me, bothering me to wake up. I could hear her talking to the nurse. She was telling them that I was in shock and something was very wrong. I heard Rose ask me about a robe because I was almost naked; I had taken everything off because of the pain. But I didn't know what a robe was. Then I heard her ordering an ambulance to come as quick as possible to take me to the hospital. Then I remember my husband standing near me and I was on the stretcher being put in the ambulance. I asked about Jimmy and he said Rose had him. I felt relief.

On my ambulance ride, I kept feeling that I was riding on top of the ambulance. Then I would suddenly be back on the stretcher in pain. They were very nice but did not seem to be able to help me. As we drove down Peachtree Dunwoody Rd. I could see every leaf on the trees that hovered over the ambulance I was riding on top of the ambulance, again. Then I was suddenly hearing my doctor’s voice and she told me to hold on that I was not going to die. She said she was sorry I was in so much pain but had not seen an ectopic pregnancy before, but gets her patients usually after they have an ectopic.

I remember the stretcher hitting the metal doors and people running with me. And then they said I have to look into your uterus. I am sorry this is going to be painful because you are too weak to give you anything. There was pain, excruciating. Then I was in a different room but I was awake and they were cutting me open. The doctor told me they could not give me anesthesia, but they gave me something that would put me on a different plain. I felt and saw them stretching me open but I couldn't move or make a sound. I was screaming internally. I heard them say do you see it? No I can't but there is a lot of blood, there's another bleeder. There's blood all thru her lungs and diaphragm we have to find it and then...

I was above the operating table as if to help them. Then I realized I was at the ceiling. Then it felt like I was being lead by a magnet, and I went right thru the wall and down the corridor going right out the front doors of the hospital. How could this be happening? Then I realized I recognized where I was and took the road all the way home. I saw Jimmy with his friend EA and I went in circles around him and could breathe him in. Suddenly I was sucked into a tunnel or maybe the sun was evaporating me, but I lost all control and was going backwards thru a tunnel. I could see light in different colors in my peripheral vision. I can not describe the sound. I thought it would never end until it did. I was in space, darkness and I became aware I had no body but was floating and yet I could still feel the pain. How could this be? I heard two voices and tried to turn to look at them when I realized they were in a form of glowing lights, very small. They were everywhere around me but still they were only two beings. I felt their warmth and compassion for me. They were talking and I was hearing without seeing their faces. They were asking each other if she new. New what? I was a little unsettled then, what was I suppose to know? Where was I? Then suddenly they said to stay there, do not move and they will be right back. I saw them fly up to an enormous building or object/satellite and go into what looked like a glass window and then quickly emerge and head right back to me. They said it was not my time and to stay with the pain and it was a mistake. Again they asked each other if I knew the answer. They were very busy trying to find an answer maybe a formula, it was mathematical. They were looking inside of where I store my knowledge. I did not know it. A moment of feeling I needed to learn, and then a flood of information that I do not remember.

They cautioned me again not to move. How could I move, I do not have a body? Then I became aware that I was in a primal position like a baby in a womb and my mouth was open in a scream but no sound was coming out. I felt connected to earth with cord ,and I could see land formations and water and clouds it was all in black and white with a touch of blue color or gray. I tried to stay with the pain and not to move but then, just like when I went into the tunnel, I began moving, slow at first then faster, and I was drawn into an area that I could see others. I saw children starving and images of people after war or extreme anguish. It is all so unfair and cruel. I just wanted to melt or forget who I was. I remember realizing I was just told that it wasn't my time. Yet what was happening to me felt like my life was being sucked out of me and I was holding on for dear life. I could see Jimmy's face and his golden hair and we were running thru a golden field of wheat. I was faster and he was trying to catch me. Then little by little, he was the only thing I could see, just a circle with his face in it. I was back suddenly into the place where all the unfairness was and starving people and children and being pulled through it and I forgot myself, I became whatever it was.

Then I was in total darkness with gray mist around me, floating. Who was I? Where was I? Then, floating in a white robe shimmering in gold was my Mom. She pasted away just six months before. There she was and I did not even believe this could happen. I guess there is a god then if she is with me. She asked me to stay with her in that clingy kind of way. I told her I had to go back to Joe, and she told me I would have a lot of pain. I do not know if she meant in my future or just going back to my body and fighting for my life. She told me to stay and there would be no more pain. I insisted I had to go. She showed me a toddler, a little girl, and said she would be with me in five years. I did not know if she meant "she" meaning my mom or my child to be. The toddler was standing reaching into a drawer in a large bedroom. Then I heard myself tell her, sorry Mom I have got to run...

Then suddenly I was back in a tunnel with such force. It is undesirable, and crash a cold hard metal table ... pain... what was in my mouth? ... it... I can't breath... tears were warm, running from my eyes... I can't breath... voices telling me to breath... I can't. I am trying... I was naked again... and there were lights I was in an incubator like a newborn baby in my birthday suit, and I was on a breathing machine and then a breathing pump. Finally I quit fighting the man-made breathing and became aware they were breathing for me... Then I felt a warm hand run across my face and run fingers thru my hair. .I looked around for the nurse; no one was there... IT WAS MY MOM... Then sleep. I awoke late that night in a hospital room, hooked up to many machines. I saw bags of blood hanging around me. Needles going into my arms and legs giving me blood.

The next day my doctor came to see me and said I will be weak for a quite awhile, I lost a lot of blood, but was never that close to dying. Yeah?... Right. I could not speak of what had happened to me. Couple of hours went by, when in walked some doctors training some students. They asked me what do you remember? ... You had a journey. I do not remember what I told them, but I was afraid to sleep. Like I would go back and leave this world for good. So I just stayed awake. The nurse asked me if I had a family councilor or minister, they could call for me. So I told them to call Henry, family counselor and psychologist. He came that night and let me tell him about my experience. I drew him a picture of what I saw when I saw the two guides/lights/angels and the picture of the building or place that was too big to see the beginning or the ending of. I could sleep for awhile, but everything seemed to change it is so important to me but nobody else seem to how important it was... life... grass under your feet, the sense of touching and smelling life... kindness and to never take for granted, anything, especially my child. I was back with Jimmy and nothing was better than that. Within the year when Jimmy started school, I went back to school, too. I should just be smarter. I need to learn as much as I can. Five years later I had my beautiful little girl, Melanie, just as my Mom told me. I have never wanted to be away from my children’s sides but our finances did require me to work. I was miserable, and then my husband and I had a crisis. Then after many years, he became to understand me a little. I am going to do what I want to do. Let me be with my children. Jim is married and Melanie is in high school, both pulling away but not. I still feel them right there and all their magic, and mine, too.

I attempted suicide when I was in my early 20's feeling hopeless because I was being blackmailed, and feeling there was no way out of a bad situation. I was told by my mother I was given last rites by a priest because the doctor felt there wasn’t much time left. I was baptized Catholic but raised in the Protestant faith. I found myself outside my body as a transparent and weightless me floating above my earthly body looking down upon it in a hospital room. While in the beautiful weightless body I looked down beside my body, and saw many relatives and my mother in the CCU. Two of my mother's sisters were arguing over who should comb my hair. My mother sat on a chair looking so sad.

Then I saw above me, my grandfather who had died when I was probably in my teens. He had a boxer dog on a leash with him which somehow I knew was part of my grandfather's family. He was pleading on my behalf to someone who I could not see as he was hidden, but I knew was God. With Him was a man with a beard, could have been Moses or one of the prophets. My grandfather was looking up to Him and saying, Please... let her at least stay here with me. He kept pleading. Than I saw a review of my life go so fast I couldn’t recollect what I reviewed. I was frightened of my faults, sins and weaknesses but God comforted me and told me I did a kind deed for a little boy once and because of it the boy's life had been positive. He said even to this day the little boy remembers you. (I did not recall this deed in real life.)

Then God asked me if I wanted to go with him. I did not have time to think as at that moment He showed me my mother and her future whereas she would have cancer. I felt emotional pain in my heart knowing she would suffer, so I said no, I want to be with my mother because she will need me. At that moment I woke up from the coma and there were all the relatives I had seen when out of my body. I was so happy and at peace when I awakened.

My mother got cancer of the breast and entromedian cancer at the same time several years later. I remember sitting alone with her on the porch, trying to be of comfort to her. She is healed and it’s been over 15 years since her cancer. I knew it was God's plan to heal her as a gift to both of us and did not fear her dying.

I also knew from the NDE that there truly is a place between heaven and hell, and that place or state of being is neither heaven nor hell but an in between without pain, but yet not with God which is true "heaven.” I eventually became active in the Protestant church again years later, sometime in my 30's when my great-grandmother died, and as she lie in the coffin at the Funeral Home, I felt she was hovering over her body like I was, so I told her I would live her life for her because I knew she loved God and was very active in the church and through me she could live again. Even though I returned to church, I had a emptiness in my heart as I grew spiritually. I filled that void when I went into full communion with the Catholic Church. I began to believe only recently that the reason my heart was empty was I needed to have masses said and pray for my grandfather and other relatives. My soul was crying out for me to help them because now is the time of grace while we are alive to help not only the living, but also the people who left their earthly bodies to enter the next stage of their eternal life.

I didn’t believe in purgatory before this experience. I believe through masses and prayers God will draw them in union with Him for eternity so they can live in the bliss of God's love and presence.

We were not close as a family, yet my grandfather loved me enough to plead on my behalf believing I may be in danger. God rewarded my grandfather for his pleas by giving me time to seek the joy of life He had to offer me, give me more time to change my ways so I too, would pray for my grandfather thereby freeing him from Purgatory, and sharing the power of God's love. Then, as he stands in heaven, he too, can pray for me and our family. The cycle of love is awesome.

Each day, whether experiencing cancer which I had twice, pain, or joy, I see God's blessing. Even life's sufferings can be joyful knowing God is with you each and every moment. I know God uses sickness to allow me to witness to His almighty healing power. I've been free of ovarian cancer which spread to my stomach for about five years now. I am also free of the breast cancer which was caught early. I truly believe God's hand was there blessing me again and again. Each day I look at nature I see God's almighty hand in the beauty of his creation. Each day God rests on my heart, the true joy of life is knowing His tremendous unconditional love for us.

Unworthy as I am, a sinner, God continues to enfold me in His Mantle of Awesome Love. I live my life trying my best to live a life worthy of the gift God gave me and never forget that that kind deed or act of love can truly make a difference in the path of someone's life. That kind deed might also be the weight that tips the scale that brings you to God's mercy where you will spend eternity in the beauty of God's presence.

Archive through August 20, 2004

Details

Created: Friday, 20 August 2004 16:38

I'm not sure if you can even call this a NDE. My mother passed away at her home early in the morning on December 31. There was a snow storm during the night so they didn't pick up her body until after noon. During the morning I sat with her body and told her how happy I was for her that she no longer was in pain, she died of cancer. She believed very strongly in God and a life after, I on the other hand some how knew her passing wasn't just the end, that's why I kept talking to her.

I traveled a long way to be with her two days before she passed and didn't get to sleep for over 40 hours, so when I went to sleep that night she died, sleep came very easy. I wasn't asleep long before I had a very vivid dream. In the dream I was standing in a dim light, I felt I was boxed in. In front of me was a short fence, hardly one foot high, I could have easily stepped over it, but I was held back as if my feet were rooted to the spot. On the other side of the fence I could see a small clearing with a field of flowers in such wonderful colors, they looked as if they glowed of their own light. To the left was a lake or some other large body of water, that too glowed of its own light as if the sun was shinning on it from on top and from under the water, to the right was a forest of trees also glowing with their own light as if it was coming from both an outside source and within. Then suddenly I saw a young woman in the field of flowers, she looked to be in her early 20's and she was wearing a brightly colored dress. She was skipping away from me, but then she stopped and turned towards me and asked, however, I never actually heard her voice, it seemed to just pop into my head. But she asked in German if I knew who she was. It took me a moment to figure out what she was asking, but then I knew that it was my mother and probably how she looked when she was in her 20's. As soon as I knew it was my mother, she blew me a kiss turned and skipped away. Suddenly I was looking down at myself in the bed where I was sleeping, I heard crackling or a hiss as if a radio dial was tuned between two stations and saw that my younger sister was standing next to the bed I was in shaking me trying to wake me up. The next thing I knew I was back in my body. When I came fully awake I realized I was grabbing her night gown tightly around her neck, and I remember being very upset that she woke me up.

Since that dream, I somehow knew I managed to go with my mother to where she was if only for a moment. I've been very healthy since then and if cut I heal very fast, much faster then I ever did before. I have felt and heard others around me that have passed, some I know and some I've never met in this life time. Some can communicate with me, but only by thought, I don't actually hear their voices. I'm much more relaxed, laid back. I've just started to feel more relaxed within the past year or so.

My experience occurred about a month after a very close sister in-law died of lung cancer, after being ill for barely five months. She left behind two small daughters, and a husband. I had known her since 1978, and she was like a sister. We are about the same age, and it was a great shock to learn how ill she was, especially when she had appeared quite healthy.

I spent a lot of time with her in the last week before she died, and I remember wondering how difficult and wrenching it must have been for her to say goodbye to her young daughters. I had three young children, and I couldn't begin to fathom the idea of having to leave them. At the same time, I wanted to believe that God would not allow such anguish to be experienced by a young mother about to die.

I received my answer about a month after her death.

I remember laying in bed at night, still consumed by grief. I looked at the time, the clock read about 2:30 am. At that point I found myself moving straight up (as if floating), looking at myself, next to my sleeping husband. I felt no pain, and wondered whether or not I was still alive. I continued to move towards an extremely ethereal bright white light that was at least 1000 times brighter than the brightest sparklers I had ever seen. I remember thinking that if I was dead, that was okay, because I knew that my family would be taken care of. Besides, I was becoming part of this incredible brightness that appeared to have no beginning and no end. I also remember an incredible rushing sound, not unpleasant, as loud as it was. I did not see anyone specific in the light, but I remember the incredible peace that I felt. After awhile, I felt myself moving away, until I envisioned myself on the bed. I am convinced that I glimpsed a part of heaven, and that my dear sister in-law was in a peaceful state when she said goodbye to her daughters. In my heart I know that she didn't experience any emotional pain of separation.

Ever since I was a small child I have had severe atypical asthma, very hard to control and very easy to lose control of. I had been very ill but my whole family as well as myself were pretty used to it so I was going to school with my little sister like I did most mornings. As we were riding the bus to school I was struggling to breath and I ended up throwing up on my sister. At this point things get pretty hazy for me.

I understand, that mom picked me up at school as soon as she could arrange to get there and I was taken to a doctor's office. The doctor tried to stabilize my breathing and couldn't and the doctor's office ended up calling an ambulance to take me to Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh. By the time the ambulance arrived it was late afternoon so there had been quite an amount of time pass since my attempt to get to school. I remember sort of waking up when the alarm on the ambulance went off but only one time. We lived in a suburb so it was about 20 miles to the hospital.

I was taken to a room and there were a lot of doctors in the room with me. There were student doctors too. They were trying all sorts of things to get me to breathe again and nothing was working. What I remember was being bathed in brilliant bright light and I was looking down on myself and all of the doctors and nurses around me. I felt calm and I was just observing and things were getting smaller or maybe less real and I could hear one of the doctors say 'she's gone, completely cyanotic,' or something like that and there was some discussion about that and then one of the doctors went out to talk to my parents.

When I heard the words of the doctor I thought to myself I'm not gone I'm right here and I started panicking sort of and screaming I'm right here! over and over. And then it was sort of as if I was slammed back into my body and I woke up a week later in an oxygen tent... My life since has been odd in many ways but it has taken me three decades to really begin understand it or perhaps to process it.

I have never been able to wear watches by the way. I have a whole collection of 'broken' watches! That is what brought me to this site tonight, the article about people not being able to wear watches. If I have to wear a watch I wear it only for the time I need it and take it off right after. I also seem to sort of 'short' out electronic things. My boyfriend won't let me touch his computer. It's sort of a joke between us but sort of not a joke also. I do the same thing to vehicles. Everyone calls me a jinx.

I do not remember much of my childhood. It's almost as if I lost the first 8 years and the funny thing is that all of my friends are around 8 years younger than me and I look younger than they do! Nobody believes my real age. I had my 2 children at a later age than most people in my family. I had my first son when I was 28. I went through a really tough time as a teen, nothing made sense to me at all. Relationships on most levels have been difficult for me. A lot of people are attracted to me on a sexual level. According to my boyfriend of many years, I have this natural sexiness that seems to exude from me. I have learned to curb some of that out of self-defense, but it took a long time to even understand what IT was. It seems that people misunderstand empathy and joy, a feeling of peace and love as a desire to have sex. I sparkle in the words of another friend and that is a turn on to a lot of people. It took a long time to be able to deal with that. I am still learning about relationships, but I am making progress I think.

Also, I am extremely sensitive to lights and noises. However I love loud rock music I am also very sensitive to chemicals, and drugs do not have the same affect on me as they do on most people. I take child's doses of many and some do the opposite of what they are supposed to and some do nothing at all. I crave sunshine and water. The best I ever feel is when I have been able to be in the sun and either been in, on or next to some water. I am also somewhat of a daredevil. I have toned down my activities since becoming a mother but I have no fear. I have always been a ‘tomboy’ and as active as my asthma will possibly let me be. I push the limits on that a lot. Sometimes people get mad at me for not doing what sick people should do, i.e., sit in bed in rot. But, I have to be moving and doing or at least learning and seeing. Life is too short to not live each moment to its fullest. That is not to say that I rush through life. Sometimes living life to its fullest is just sitting there doing nothing but meditating on the beauty of life, being thankful of being alive.

I have always had a different view of love and life than anyone I have ever met. I don't love like most people. To me it is not so individual specific so much as universal. Most people who wish to be close to me, do not understand it and perceive it as a coldness or worse. If they do understand how I feel and think, they can't believe it really. They say I have mother Theresa or Joan of Arc complex or I'm not real or something along those lines. But, I do not think love is something that can be limited to only one person or just a few. It does not end; it will not go out. The more love you give the more you have to give, the more there is... and to me that is THE truth.

I also do not think like most people. I do not think in a linear way. I arrive at the conclusion first and then find the path to how I got there. I know things without knowing how I know them. I am very good at chaotic thinking and organizing chaos. But, people don't understand it until the very end when it all comes together and then they say wow how did you do that?? And I of course have NO idea... I have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD and I do take medication for it that helps me think in a clearer way but it does not seem to affect the way I think.

I feel very close to God and see God's light and love connected to and interwoven through all things. I believe in all of my heart and soul that we are all here, on earth for a reason. I am very spiritual but I do not believe there is a right and a wrong way as far as the way an individual decides to worship. If you find the path and you walk the path and along the path you learn about the path and you follow that path to where it leads, that is all that matters. If you read your path signs in Sanskrit, Chinese or upside down standing on your head with your hand stuffed in a peanut butter jar, it does not affect the outcome of your journey.

I also seem to create sort of different perception of time. Time does not seem to follow the same rules for me. So people around me feel like they too get sucked into what they call my time vortex. I do not sleep much. I sleep very little, sometimes I only sleep a few hours a WEEK. My mom says I have never slept well. People come over to visit or watch a movie and pretty soon the sun is coming up the next morning. And we are still discussing the topic of the evening or researching things online or what have you. People that are close to me seem to sleep less and less over time. It seems to rub off on them somehow.

I am just listing a few of the things that have rushed into my mind. There are so many other things that have been brought to my attention that I do or think differently than most people I know. I feel that many of my 'differences' are somehow linked to my NDE or as a child the way I used to think about it was my ability to 'talk to God'. Thank you for letting me share my experiences.

When I was 6 years old I lived in a small rural town in Arkansas that did not have a hospital and only one doctor. I had a bad case of the German measles and had a tendency to run high fevers when ill. My fever became very high and my mother took my temperature and it showed 106 degrees. She immediately called the one doctor in town and was told by her nurse that he was in a neighboring town but that she would try to reach him (obviously before the cell phone or pager era). My mother told her what my temperature had registered on the thermometer and the nurse said that had to be incorrect and she would be right over. She came over and took my temp again and this time it registered 107 degrees. She finally got the doctor on the phone and he said to immediately get me packed in ice. All of this was told to me by my family, but here is where I had the experience as I do not remember any of this leading up to it.

What I remember is like floating high up over the bed and I could see myself lying in the bed looking very white (I noticed that because I have olive skin and never look pale). I saw the nurse taking my temperature and my mother and father were sitting on the bed with me and my mother was crying, not loudly but very softly. I remember that my sister tried to come in the room, but my grandmother would not let her. Then I saw a man walk in the room with this big brown paper sack full of ice. It was the man who lived next door and he had a truck so he had gone to get the ice from the icehouse downtown. I remember seeing him keep placing more and more ice on my body, but I did not feel any cold or anything. All during this time I just remember the floating sensation. This neighbor was really somewhat of a grouch and I was somewhat of a mischievous 6 year old tomboy so I had done several things that aggravated him from time to time. I remember him saying to my father "Don't you worry Johnny, this one is too mean to die.” I kept floating and then the nurse walked over and put her hand on my forehead and I was like whooshed down back into my body. According to the family I did not regain consciousness for about 12 more hours after the fever finally broke. The doctor finally got there, but they did not take me to the closest hospital because he thought the danger had passed.

I was very weak for a couple of weeks and had a very bad time walking after that. I was a very uncoordinated child after that and also developed a speech impediment. When we moved to a larger city, my parents put me in a speech therapy class and I got over that. What was strange though was that after that I tried to tell everyone in the family about what I had seen and they really did not want to hear it. I told them things that had happened in detail and things that were said and they just looked at me like I was crazy and would say "it's the fever talking", but I knew it happened. It wasn't till about 3 years later that I was talking to my cousin about it and I repeated what the neighbor man had said about me being too mean to die, that my father overheard and it got his attention. He said that he had never told anybody what the neighbor had said because he knew it would make my mother very mad, and he knew that I was not conscious when he said it. Then I told him some other things and I think he believed me then.

For years after the experience until I was about 12 years old, I used to get these feelings that I called "the feeling of being there, but not being there.” The only way to describe it would be that I might be sitting in a room and then all of a sudden it was like I would be pulled back real fast to the back of the room and I could see myself sitting in the chair. I have always wondered about this experience and how it effected the person that I am today.

It was Halloween night. I was walking down a busy street in Honolulu with a group of people; a fellow Marine was about to be murdered by four Samoan's. I stepped in the middle and tried to stop it. The Marine I was helping left the circle and I was jumped from behind. I fought these four guys in a fight to the death. I was trying to kill them and they were trying to kill me. I remember being exhausted, completely wiped out during this act to survive. I had crushed and caved in one man’s face with my forehead. I was covered in his blood. I knocked out another guy with a kick to his throat and temple. I was thinking, why won't anyone help me, I am so tired. So many people were watching me fight that the traffic had been stopped because of the people flooding from the sidewalk to the street, hundreds of people, no one would help?

Three months before this fight I was overseas and in an operation were I was faced with death and thought I was going to die because I was going to run out of ammunition or get hit in the head with shrapnel. About a week after this I was kidnapped with five other Marines and we were lined up twice to be executed and dry fired on twice. During the fight, kidnapping and operation, I can't ever remember being afraid, real fear. I know I must of had to been afraid but I can't remember it.

I had knocked out two guys and two were left. I went back and forth fighting the two guys and one guy ran off into the crowd, I remember thinking that it was almost over, I just had the one guy left. I was holding him by his hair and hitting him in the face waiting for him to drop, when the guy who left came back through the crowd with a knife. A sailor named Bart who I had never met was in a cab that had been stopped by the crowd and seen the guy with the knife coming at me from behind. Bart was born the same day, same year as me; we were the same age and had never met. Bart fought his way through the crowd to try and stop the guy with the knife but was unable to get to him because of the people blocking his way.

This guy jumped on my back and plunged the knife into my pulmonary artery and lung. When the knife went in, my body flipped completely over and I landed on the guy who stabbed me. The guy I was beating on fell to the ground. I started choking the guy who stabbed me with my forearm, trying to kill him. I had no idea I had been stabbed, I never felt the knife even though it was sticking straight out of my chest now. The guy who fell to the ground was up and on his feet now and kicking me in the head. I boxed in the Marine corps and had never been knocked out, but when this guy was kicking me I thought he was knocking me out. "I was dying from the stab wound.” I remember thinking to myself, "Hey, this is what it feels like to be knocked out.” I moved my head and tucked it behind the guy’s head I was choking to death and started pushing with my head trying to break his neck. The guy started kicking me in the stomach now and that is when Bart got through the crowd and started helping me. He took the guy who was kicking me and hammered him.

The crowd then decided to help and grabbed me and started dragging me off the guy I was killing. These guys were trying to kill me and now I have a knife sticking out of my chest and people are now getting involved, Bart is the only one there who had courage, honor or integrity. They pulled me off this guy while Bart was taking care of the other would be murderer. They held my arms and head back as I struggled to free myself. I seen the knife sticking out of my chest. I yelled at these people who held me defenseless to be killed, “I have been stabbed, LET ME GO, I have been stabbed, let me go.”

They held me and the guy who stabbed me was on his knees and hands foaming from his mouth looking at me. I was unable to move, I could feel the knife inside me now when I tried to move. The guy who stabbed me was looking straight into my eyes as I was staring at him, he had blood red eyes, they were red, he jumped up and grabbed me by my neck, the people still held me for this guy. I thought he was going to bite my throat out because I would have bitten his out. He had me, I couldn't move because I was held by cowards.

I remember having this complete acceptance of death. I relaxed as his hands pulled on my neck but he grabbed the knife out of my chest instead of biting me. The blood shot straight out of my chest and with every heart beat I sprayed blood all over this guy trying to stab me again. The people who were holding me pushed me into this guy with the knife. I don't remember how I got out of the way of the knife. That is a complete blank. After he missed me he came up with the knife and stabbed Bart in the stomach and ran into the crowd. I chased him for four steps and I heard an explosion and felt like I had ran straight into a brick wall. I fell onto my back and unknowing to me I was unable to move a muscle, I was paralyzed with my head turned to the left. I was looking at people looking at me, again no one did a thing, just looked at me like cowards. I remember a man holding this women as she balled. I started yelling to these people that I can't breath but they just stared at me, doing nothing. I did this for a while before I realized they could not hear me because my lips were not moving; I was paralyzed. I started fighting to stay alive, I refused to die. I told myself I was not going to die. I was so tired, I was just wiped out from fighting to breathe. I was suffocating to death, it was horrible, the worst way to die. The background was now black, dark. I seen a face in my face I felt someone grab my neck and lift my head it was Bart. He began CPR and breathed into me. I only felt one breath but it was like I had just taken the biggest most beautiful breath of my life. I remember saying to myself "OK buddy it’s in your hands now." I was just wiped out.

After that breath I went black, everything was dark. I don't know how much time had lapsed when I was out of my body. I didn't feel or remember leaving my body but it was like I was just there, I was standing over my body with my spirit/soul feet and ankles in my dead bodies head, I was looking down at myself but didn't remember being hurt, I had no idea I was dead or injured. I was now a translucent shadow like with hands, feet, a whole body, but it was made of energy, power, and strength. I looked at my right arm and made a fist. I looked at my left arm and made a fist. I felt so strong and powerful I was energy. I looked out at a 45 degree angle and shot off like a rocket into this infinity of darkness I could see into. It was not like being in a dark room or closet, It was a darkness I could see into an infinity. I felt like I was in space. I was looking for something but didn't know what I was looking for. I knew I was looking for something but I had no urgency to find it. I was calm, no pain or worry. I was just looking for something. I was zooming through this darkness like a rocket but I could not feel wind it was motion going forward at a 45 degree angle. I could not hear voices during this motion through space.

All at once I came to an abrupt stop I was in this void with four entities to my left just above me and a voice of a man to my right and above the four entities say "he's not going to make it." At that moment I remember saying to my self, "Hey they are talking about me.” I came back into myself through my eyes. It felt like a cartoon thing as if you pulled a window shade down and let it roll up and spin around and around. That is what it felt like coming back through my eyes. I opened my eyes and my head was turned to the left. I seen Bart sitting on the bench seat of the ambulance looking at me covered in blood. He said nothing just looked at me. He had his hands on his knees just covered in blood. I seen a paramedic holding an IV bottle in the air. He was sitting on my left side at my knees just looking at me saying nothing. I looked at both of them and held both my arms up and flipped them off with both hands and said F--k you I am not going to die. Then it went black.

I can't remember anything until I woke up again. I was being rolled down a long hallway on a gurney, doctors and nurses all around me, I asked the nurse that was at my head if I could cry. She said "sure hunny, you can cry." It went black. I don't remember anything until I woke up again. I was laying on my back and I opened my eyes looking up into the ceiling. It was like the ceiling at my barracks so I thought I was in my room in my bed. Then I heard this breathing machine sound and tried to say what the f--k and started gagging. A nurse put her face in mine and told me I had been injured and I was all right. They pulled the breathing tube out of my throat and I remembered my experience but never said anything. I felt like I had mass knowledge but just could not remember what I had learned. I knew I had to heal myself. I would lay in bed and slow my heart beat so the heart and lung could heal.

I spent five days in the hospital and spoke to Bart on the fifth day. I told him of my experience and when I had seen him sitting there looking at me. Bart told me that that never happened. Bart said that they were working on him and he never sat up and I was taken away, he said "You were gone man," you never flipped anyone off.

I soon felt like I could heal people because I can feel energy coming off people, I feel pain. I never told anyone until 1999 about this. I learned about Reiki so that makes it normal to me. But I have been on a quest searching myself and beliefs about people and the world. I have been changed and feel I have met who I really am. I met my soul/spirit and have many ideas of what we are and that we have existed for all time. I also feel I have ESP and have tried remote viewing. I feel I am just closer to my senses than people who have never got the juice like me or others like me. They have it but just need to tune into it.

First, it is difficult to share this in any manner. I have suffered a lot of persecution from people who are completely ignorant on this subject and see it fit to call me "crazy", "deluded", "deceived" and so on. The lack of understanding has caused to withdraw from people who don't understand, who are not "like me.” I even have problems relating to my wife because our views are so radically different on certain subjects.

I am very grateful for my "death" because in it, I have been able to live.

Please bear with me because I will relate to you the whole history that led up to this ultimate, climatic experience that led to yet more experiences.

I remember a brilliant flash of white light. Then I suddenly found myself in a tight space where it was very dark. I remember no particular discomfort, but I do remember feeling very impatient. I was waiting for something, but I did not know what that some thing was. Then I found myself moving toward another light that was steady and not nearly as bright as the flash that brought me to this place.

When I passed into that light, I saw a man. I recognized his green hospital mask and gown as being that of a doctor. The doctor had black, bushy eyebrows and he squinted as he looked at me. I was not afraid, but I had some things I wanted to ask him; for instance where was I exactly and who was he to handle me in such a manner? Before I could speak, the doctor exclaimed "it's a boy!" Well, certainly I am a boy... what did he expect? When I tried to speak to the doctor, I was shocked to hear myself. I did not speak, I cried! I CRIED LIKE A BABY... then I truly became afraid and tried to talk again, but I cried again. Then, in what seemed a matter of minutes, my adult thoughts, in English, diminished into thoughts that were muddled then peaceful.

I remember learning how to talk, how English seemed not like a foreign or unknown language, but a language that I had forgotten. I seemed to go through a time of "remembering" rather than a time of learning.

I remember having sensations in my crib; the vertigo was a reeling, head over heels sensation that was a sickenly fast... dangerously fast spinning motion. It was horrifying. I also remember sensations of my whole body tingling and falling asleep even as I felt a sensation of drifting away from it to places I don't remember. I stopped having the experiences after they frightened me when I was older and my father told me I could stop the out of body sensations by ordering myself to go back.

A few years later, Hell broke loose and the night terrors began. I began to have terrible nightmares involving evil creatures and humanoid-looking evil beings. I was tormented almost nightly by these things forcing me to watch human dismemberments, sickening "religious" rituals while I was held captive. I soon learned to sometimes take power over these evil dreams by the power of God. These dreams tortured me until I was probably in my mid twenties. Sometimes I would win; sometimes the devils would win and they would keep my as their plaything for hours. I once saw a green colored spirit hover over my body while I was out of it.

In the midst of these torments, I wanted to serve a mission for my church. I went to the Missionary Training Center, but they sent me home because of my night torments and nightmares. At times I would wake up in my body, but my body would hover over my bed a good three feet and when I would awaken, I would fall onto the bed with a crash.

I was devastated with the news that the MTC was sending me home because of the emotional stress these terrors caused. They were afraid, after testing me, that I would crack up in the mission field. When I went home, things really got bad. I could hardly eat or get out of bed, my friends were worried that I would never be right again. I could feel something clawing away at my insides... it was awful. And I knew I was going to die. I could not get out of it, as surely as I now live, I knew my body could not hold me much longer. The stresses were too great, the evil was not able to kill me, but it could cause me to become too upset and off-balance to live. The mind is VERY powerful and mine was turned against my body.

Then a man who had been killed in truck crash and returned to life with a special gift for helping people took me out of my friends' house and into his own home in the mountains. He loved me, treated me like a son and taught me about a new type of spirituality. He told me I was different from other people and so I had to live differently. He helped me build my self up and I immediately started to feel more peaceful, more like I could live. But Death had other plans.

One night, in 1986, I was alone in bed. It was around midnight or so. I began thinking of my friends and my life's events and how things would turn around. I began pondering on my own life and a vision of the future opened up, but not just one future, several futures. Every decision I made opened up new possibilities, new possibilities created new futures and other possibilities. The thoughts and pictures came faster and faster. The thoughts came so fast that my physical brain could not keep up anymore.

Suddenly, my body was wracked with a terrible, indescribable pain. I heard with my ears a groan come out of my chest, something left but pulled me along with it. As soon as I left my body, I felt something tearing at me, trying to take me away with it, but there was a barrier or boundary of sorts stopping me from leaving the room. I was out of my body, I knew I was dead... then suddenly, I was torn away from that thing and I was thrust, rather, SLAMMED back into my body. I sat up and was rather excited about the whole thing.

Since then, I have discovered that I can communicate with spirits, angels and ghosts of the deceased. I have even helped some of them find peace and move on. I also have a talent for healing that even surprises me. I can intuitively touch people and help them to heal, I can sometimes diagnose diseases that people have.

Thank you for your time, I hope this is worthy of your study.

I had dengue hemorragic fever. I was in Cambodia in a local clinic. In my clinic room I had vision of a flaming apsara (female cosmic dancer in Cambodian mythology); I came out of this vision knowing I was going to die if I stayed there. I pulled the IV tube out of me and left the clinic. The distressed nurse called my family who came to look for me, and found me wandering near the clinic in the crowded streets in Phnom Penh at night during the water festival. They called my doctor, a Filipina who arranged for a medivac to Singapore.

I remember little of this or of the medivac.

I woke up in a hospital in Singapore after 4 days of being unconscious, coma, or whatever. I asked the Sigaporean doctor and nurse how close I was to death, they looked at me funny and turned and walked away.

I asked them this because for one thing, I had seen them working on me, they were below me and in their blue green caps.

The other reason is sometime during all this, I found myself in a black void, no sense of anything physical was there. Then a feeling of profound joy developed over me and became stronger and stronger. As this feeling increased, I saw a bright point of light in front of me. It came closer and closer and gradually took up my whole field of view front of me. Then I was just there with it, in it, still feeling the strong joy experienced for the first time this way.

The very day I came out of the experience, back to consciousness, I felt wonderful and full of energy, even though I had lost 30 lbs or so since the beginning of my illness.

I did not talk about this much and tried not to think about it too often. There were immediate changes in my life, though at the time I could not say one way or the other they were related to the experience.

Only this past November 2003, the thought and recall - almost a re-living of the experience - started to consume me, and I now feel compelled to relate everything to it, and analyse the experience to make sense of life and death, religion, myself, human beings, everything. This is still the case.

I went with my parents and aunt and uncle to a outdoor swimming pool (I was 5 years old at that time), I couldn't swim but my parents took me inside the water anyway.
At a certain point, they were so busy talking that they didn't pay attention to me, and that was the time that I fell into the deepest part of the swimming pool. I was at the bottom of the pool.
All of a sudden I knew that I was going to die, and after what seems minutes under the water, I was about to breathe out for the last time.
At that moment I remember thinking, ''Well, this is it, I am going to the other side!!” At that moment, a beautiful feeling came over me, a very joyful, sacred and warm feeling!
I was not scared, I was not in panic, but I was ready to go to the other side, and the incredible feeling of joy and happiness was unearthly!!
At that point, all of a sudden somebody rescued me out of the water.
After the whole experience, I thought, even though I still was a child: If this is what it means to go to Heaven, then that is wonderful!!
I now know that we don't need to be scared to die, because there is a life after this one (in God's spirit world).
I do believe though, that it will depend on how we lived here on earth, if our transition to the other side will be sweet or not!!

My first language is Spanish. I will try my best to make my story the most understandable possible.

Almost thirteen years ago, I had I think was a NDE. Happens that I suffer from severe nose congestion and dyspnea. Things that affect my breathing while sleeping. Well I remember in that early morning, I awoke gasping for air but my nose was clogged likewise was my throat. The sensation I felt was like having my trachea locked. No oxygen could get into my lungs. It was horrible; I still was half-asleep and began to extend my arms trough the walls scratching them in an intent of my body trying to find the way to breathe again. It was in vain, after all that struggling to avoid being taken for what I remember was a powerful force I knew it was over. It was like being sucked by something as a huge vacuum that detached my life from my body. The experience is horrible when you are awake and dying by asphyxia you are weak with that desperate feeling that you are losing your physical life. And then the only thing I felt and knew was no matter what I was being taken by this enormous energy at a super velocity that I couldn't avoid, resist; I was gone.

Then you feel going faster inside something that I cannot really explain with the adequate words. It is so fast that I cannot say it was a tunnel, I just can say that you in whatever existence you are transformed; this force takes you which such power that you only feel the sensation that you are going to a force that is claiming you. Yes is like you belong to it. I call it One.

Then I knew that I have left my body because once I was out of it I saw down at my body and could see how my arms were stiff with the last movements I made while gasping for air, struggling at the wall behind my bed. I couldn't understand how I was capable of seeing me and at the same time continue being taken by this force. Then I or whatever it is you when you do not have body but seems to be existing in another plane I was like in other dimension where everything was obscure. Whatever I was I felt fear was so dark. Then I heard a voice that I cannot say if it was a voice from a man or a woman, but was a peaceful one and told me; "do not be afraid.”

At that moment I did not see anything, no one, any light. I suddenly just felt in such a joyful state of peace, no weight, I was transformed from physical body to just sensations; happiness, an enormous feeling of peace and love. Suddenly my sense of me went to other level, this time I saw that big or huge white mass "opaque not bright" and while getting closer to enter into it I began to feel that inexplicable sensation of being bathed in a beautiful warm and lovely light. You are just drawn to that irresistible mass of love. For me it was my contact with that Higher Divinity that I called One. I felt so good, so light, suddenly realized that I was free surrounded by the most beautiful source of love. I couldn't believe if wasn't in physical plane, I was wondering how could I be conscious of what was happening if I am supposed to be dead.

Then as fast as I was getting closer to that white mass, suddenly my living force was sent back to my body. It was a small amount of oxygen getting back inside my body through one of my nostrils that was became slightly open. Then when the life force entered my body, I screamed "Padre", in English "Father.” At that time I started coughing and my body was cold and shaking.

My niece who was in the bathroom when heard me screaming "Padre" so loud and coughing, she went to my room to see what was happening to me. I could hardly speak to her. I continue coughing and crying and trembling.

I told her, "Glenda I think that I died.” She hugged me and look at me in astonishment. I was pale. She gave me some water to clear my throat. When I felt calmer and the temperature of my body become normal; I explained to her still crying what I felt happened to me. She was afraid because in my face was the expression of someone that has gone through an unexplainable experience. She embraced me and cried with me.

Well since then my life changed completely. You are suddenly lit up from inside, and this illumination makes you more aware in how to understand what real love is, how deep we can go in trying to understand what death really means. How we must find out why we were returned to the physical dimension.

Now I do not fear death or the fact that we have to go to other planes of existence. And I agreed with others with similar experience on saying that you live with the sensation that someone is with you in the form of thoughts. I call that presence One. Because from that experience I learned that all humans are One connected to the principal One the "High Divinity or Higher Force.” Sometimes I feel alone because many people say that I am crazy when I tell them my story. Others find it interesting and believe that maybe after all NDE is happening.

My way of thinking is every day evolving from knowledge to wisdom. There is a mind hungry all the time trying to understand things that before I wasn't aware of. I have the feeling that when I returned from that dimension called death something else entered into my body. And this thing guides me and teaches me by challenging my old way of understanding life, explaining me about how we can continue in the learning of what dimension is the real one or how both are complemented. I was always wondering how can a world like this continue existing with all that unfairness, humans divided due to continue stuck in their ancient beliefs. I was always vulnerable to the pain of the world, to its ignorance at all levels. Factors that I consider the culprits among others who continue being an obstacle for Planet Earth to evolve with the guide of One or the Higher Force.

When I see people suffering or that I know that they are sick. I can't control asking "Are you in pain"? Do you feel sick? And there is the desire in me to embrace the person and transmit my love to them. Or I feel if I can just reach some part of their body or something that is close to them I can send positive vibrations of love that will ease their pain, illness or sadness. I can go on and on with the changes I continue seeing in my life. But at some point I feel that I do not belong to this dimension, and feel alone. Right now in treatment for depression but… well that's part of life. But really I think that I am already dead or that I without wanting for it was taken to one of the most debatable mystery of life by entering to the other dimension where we are thoughts and emotions?

I receive so much data from One my companion from the other dimension that I feel like a torrent of energy greater that the capacity of my small body to handle. I sense that the High Force is so close to me that I begin to cry and then my body is drawn to a state of sedation where I just fell asleep. For me being in that state is like feeling taken to places that later I cannot remember very well. Now I am more used to the presence of this Higher Force and I know when ONE sends for me. It requires too much discipline, practice to understand the changes in your life the way you begin to think. I wonder if we are living in an illusion or everything revolves around the mind; and there in the mind is the key to open The Pandora Box and finding the answer for the real truth.

For now I have to go. If you have read so far my story, thanks very much for allowing my soul to speak.

I wish I could contact those other beings who like me are out there watching and bringing our humble light to illuminate those who want to learn that this world evolves and evolves without they having a notion of how One makes the magic.

Please if you are conducting serious studies can you let me know what do you think of my story, please. I know you are a busy persons and I am another one in many other people who are waiting for an answer. But I will wait patiently. I have already told my internist in Cornell Hospital in Manhattan, NY that if in the future they conduct some kind of study related to NDE I will like to participate.

Thanks in advance. Continue giving us light to see where wisdom is hide!

I was five months pregnant with my second child and I was home alone with my 1 yr. old daughter asleep in her crib upstairs. My husband was at work and not due to come home for quite some time. I was in my living room vacuuming when I started to feel very fatigued, like the energy was leaking out of my body. (I describe it as like when you unplug a halogen work lamp and the light just fades away instead of just shutting off abruptly.) I felt the need to lay down so I made my way upstairs to my bed. I don't even recall lying on the bed but suddenly I felt my spirit leave my body. I saw a light far away but I was moving towards it very quickly. I felt as though I was traveling through a tunnel and I was surrounded by the most beautiful colors, some of which I hadn't ever seen before. All the while I knew that I was leaving my 1 yr. old in her crib and that she would be alone until my husband got home, but I KNEW that everything would be okay. Through my experience, I was overcome with the feeling of a most beautiful love and acceptance. I didn't want it to go away. Suddenly I was thrust back into my body with such force that when I opened my eyes my body was bouncing on the bed as if I had jumped onto the bed from the ceiling. The feeling of that beautiful love that I had felt in my experience stayed with me throughout the day and I remember wishing that I could capture that feeling and keep it with me always. Since my experience, I have had a couple episodes where I have seen a spirit of someone that had previously died. One time the spirit I saw was sitting in a chair in my children's bedroom and the other time was a spirit watching over my husband as he slept in a chair. I have also heard the voice of my guardian angel speak to me over my shoulder. These experiences are peaceful and I am never afraid.

The first out-of-body experience that I had was when I was 18 and a man attacked me and violently raped me threatening to strangle me. He had thrown me into the back of his van. I was sure I was going to die. I did not scream or move. I just lay rigid and then I found myself up near the roof of the van looking down on us both. When he stopped, I went back into my body.

Being raped - and not crying out - had a profound effect on me and about a year later I tried to kill myself. I was taken in a coma to hospital and was given a stomach pump etc. Then I was put in a private room in a psychiatric clinic with a nurse on guard. When I came round and opened my eyes and saw her and realized where I was, I left my body for a second time and again hovered above in the corner of the room. There was no strong, 'wonderful' feeling about this, nor any fear of death. I simply felt safe, 'removed', out of reach. They couldn't do anything to me.

I spent the following two years locked up in hospitals against my will. I was given 26 electro-convulsive therapies, 21 continuous days of deep narcosis. I have described in a short story written some years ago, the experience of leaving my body and looking down on myself, in this case after I had attempted to run away and had been recaptured. During those years, I could in fact leave my body at will though I only did so when I felt overwhelmed by what was going on in my life.

During the second year of my incarceration, I spent much of my time mute, rocking myself, lying with my head under a pillow and trying to be 'dead'. And then, one day I heard a voice in my head saying 'What do you think you are doing? Do you imagine God's going to come down and rescue you? If you want to get out of here you've got to do it yourself.' I sat up and there on the ward floor was a discarded newspaper. I hadn't read anything for more than a year and could not concentrate - until I came to a page about a lone sailor doing a circumnavigation. That, I thought, is what I want to do. In the article, the man was asked whether he ever got lonely. He said no, but it would be nice to find someone with a similar interest to come along too.

I wrote and told him that I would love to only he'd have to wait awhile as I was locked up in a lunatic asylum and wouldn't be free for several months. I also mentioned that I couldn't sail or cook but could swim and speak French! Only one person in the world would have answered that letter and I will have been married to him for 36 years soon.

In these out-of-body experiences I did not experience any of the other things noted by NDErs but I have absolutely no fear of death and I have a strong belief which I think may have been heightened by the whole above experience that there is absolutely no point to being alive unless you do something to make the world a better place.

I have had no similar experiences since that time. I am, I think, an exceptionally happy and fulfilled person and a friend recently said I was the sanest person she knows...

I was in Seattle, WA, on a business trip, and I awoke early one morning feeing very rested in my hotel bed. As I lay in bed with my eyes shut but thinking about what was to be done that day, I quite abruptly came out of my body and was rushing up through white billowy clouds. I was aware that I was in bed but in the air at the same time. I was both places at the same time. It was almost as if I were on the nose of a rocket and traveling at high velocity up through the clouds. The clouds opened up in a circle above me so that I could see blue sky. As I went farther up, the blue sky became increasing pale and transitioned to white and finally a brilliant white. There I stop going higher and just floated freely. With the brilliant white light came the most incredible love and peacefulness. It was as though every cell of my body was being bathed in love and on a molecular level. This was a love as I have never experienced before. All fear was gone and I completely surrendered to the love. After staying there in the white/love for some time, I remember thinking, "OK, I understand, I can go back now.” And, at that, I was out of the white and awake in bed. I am not sure who I was saying "OK" to or what I meant by "I understand", except that I had the understanding that "love" connects all.

The emotional after affect was great as I was in a state of bliss and of love for all people of any circumstance or state, all animals and plants or in short any thing living. I know now that all living things are connected, have great spirituality where I had none before. I understand that sorrow and love are like day and night. Sorrow is not bad as you must have it to appreciate the beauty of love. In other words, if we didn't have sorrow, love would be meaningless. Before my experience, these thoughts would have never crossed my mind. I am an avid outdoorsman and like hunting but since this experience, I can't take the life of any animal. I just like to watch them in the woods. Also, I have absolutely NO fear of dying. There have been other significant changes in me, too many to write about but simply said, I am a very different person now. My family knows this and so do my close friends. I haven't told many people of this for fear of ridicule. My wife and kids know and that is all. I wish everyone could have a similar experience. PS: I wish you had spell check on this.

At 7 years of age, my father allowed me to accompany him at his occupation of dredging deep holes at the ends of piers. Having decided to 'road-test' one of my father's efforts, I looked up and saw through the murky depths of his recently-dredged hole in the white sandy floor of the lake, my arms straight out to my side, and felt a rush of water rush into my lungs. (I recall that the concept was quite frightening, but the end result was quite pleasant). An endless 'channel' of light invited me to a place in the clouds where a 'Spirit' in the appearance of a Biblical character, the same color as the clouds, informed me, telepathically, that I should "return and learn about life.” He would not look at me. I was deeply depressed at having to return to my body, but a power stronger than I had directed me to do so. The next thing I remembered was, five hundred feet down on the beach was my father pumping water from my lungs. I watched him do so until I began to cough water through my nose and sinuses, at which time I 'snapped' back into a body I never again wanted to inhabit. I cried as I looked up to see my father's face; not because of having been saved, not because I was afraid, but because I had to return from a place that all of us will eventually experience as the true "Heaven.”

I secretly look forward, with bated breath, my final 'return. '

I was a young bride aged 19 yrs married to an American ex-serviceman and living in a tiny flat. My late husband was attending [university] under the G. I. Bill. He was majoring in Business administration and Philosophy was a secondary subject. I was not working so, so in a small flat in a strange country I would devour his books on this subject including Adler, Freud and Plato to keep abreast of my husband on this subject. My brief experience occurred whilst I was reading Plato`s Phaedo where he was dialoging the existence of the soul. After finishing that chapter I was so moved by the beauty of it that I put the book in my lap and said to myself (perhaps out loud, I don’t remember) Oh how lovely, if only I could know it were true. Immediately on uttering this there was a swooshing sound and I ( the thinking ego I) WAS LIFTED UP TO THE CEILING my body remaining in the chair. This lasted just a split second, but needed no longer to convince me for the remainder of my life that we, the ESSENTIAL WE, ARE INDEED SEPARATE FROM OUR BODIES. It was as if someone wished proof for me after my remark.

I am unsure if you qualify my experiences as "near death" as there was no sickness or injury involved. As far back as I can recall, as a child, I remember being woken in the night and hear voices. Specifically there were 2 male and 1 female debating/arguing amongst themselves. It was very clearly language, the pitch and intensity of these debates would vary but the actually "words" were always muffled together so I could not make out what they were saying - but got the distinct feeling that it was about me. Mostly I would remain in my bed as hot tears would run down my face as these "conversations" terrified me. I would plead in whispers for them to stop. There were several times that I did get courage enough to get up and go to our kitchen (the source of these 'voices") to investigate. As a child, I knew that this could not be - but was. I would only find myself standing alone in the kitchen while the rest of my family was sound asleep. I remember one time going into my parent's room - they were sound asleep, oblivious to the torment I was experiencing. I'd returned to my own bed, and the voices would pick up again. This did not happen every night (or week for that matter), but often enough through my early childhood for it to be considered routine, and seemingly random.

Around the age of 6, a new element is introduced.

I awoke one night to my terror of being pulled from my body and rising upwards to the ceiling of my room. I saw my body curled up under the covers and I tried to grasp at the lamp on my nightstand to hold myself down… but I continued to rise (I was no longer in the physical - how could I hold onto anything?!?) I rose to the ceiling, was held there only a few seconds (heart beating wildly (? again not possible)) before being the presence that was with me allowed me to descend back to my body. I had the awareness that this "presence" was connected to the 3 voices - but superior to them. Although the experience was terrifying to me, there was also a sense of security in this "presence.” I slept through the night, and was fully aware of what had happened when I woke the next morning. Once again, this would happen randomly to me for the next few years - each time it seemed like they would introduce me a bit further into this world. What I mean by this is: I would remain out-of-body for longer periods of time, and eventually "traveled" throughout my house with them. Each time I was still unnerved by all this, but slowly getting somewhat comfortable to the extent that I knew I would be ok. At no time did we leave the house.

My last OBE (which makes me connect this with near-death). . .

Everything I have shared with you up until this point leads to my last out of body experience. This one moment was defining to who I am today, and without it - I most likely would have recalled everything else as an overactive childhood imagination. I "awoke" to find myself already at the ceiling, and unlike all other times - completely comfortable and relaxed in this state (with my ever-present guide at my side).”He" led me through the adjoining wall into my parent's bedroom where they were sleeping peacefully. I vividly recall that the curtains were closed and I wanted to pull them back. A brief moment there, then we proceeded to go to our living room. The curtains were open, and outside it was light. I know it was night but everything was illuminated and my vision was so clear... much sharper. It was late winter/early spring and there was still snow on the ground glistening. For some strange reason I always think that there were 3 or 4 deer just to the side behind our hedge… I don't believe that they were actual deer - but somehow was only acceptable to picture what was there as deer (I know that makes little sense). Nothing to this day has been more beautiful or inviting than what I saw right outside the window that I looked out everyday. Except it was different this time - enhanced. I was overcome with the desire to place my "hands" on the window… and just go through it (like we had passed through the walls within the house) and be a part of that scene. As I willed myself to do just that, I was told it not time yet - and escorted back to my body.

This is my story. I believe I would have been physically dead to this world had I been allowed to pass through the window. I still have very strong presences in my life, they make themselves known in a variety of ways and I still don't always welcome them - however, there are days that I find myself seeking them to no avail.

I don't have any answers - I hope that in sharing this that others may find some answers to whatever questions they are bound in quest of. And I thank you for allowing me an opportunity to validate on some level, that which is a part of me (all of us) that the world tries to deny.

I was put under anesthetic (ether I think) when I was 18 to surgically reset a broken ankle. Suddenly I was sitting on the fence in the back yard of the house my parents owned at the time. The fence happened to be at the crest of a hill and the land sloped away slightly on both sides. Then there was some kind of a flat surface in the plane of the fence. Then I was in this plane as a 2-deimnsional being, something like the bad guys in the “Superman II” (I think) movie I saw years later. Then I had a premonition I could fall either forwards or backwards, and as it happened, I fell back and into a multi-dimensional place that was full of a golden light and a wonderful feeling of love and unity and total knowledge (which I have not been permitted to keep). I felt I had been here before. Then suddenly I fell into a small black ball that was contracting exponentially ever faster as it was vibrating in exponentially ever faster in oscillations of exponentially ever greater amplitude. I also felt I had been here before too. Then the though hit me that there was no limit to how bad this could get, and I abandoned hope.

Then I woke up in the hospital ward and wept with relief. Then I reached out and took the daily newspaper from the table and read an interview with Aldous Huxley - an early researcher and author on hallucinogenic drugs. He said in the interview "we may be too deeply steeped in the situation into which somehow or other we seem to have stumbled, and out of which the question arises, to ever find an answer to it.” I was impressed he could see reality in that perspective, but I felt his speculation was wrong because I had just transcended that situation in which we are "steeped.”

I was sure I has seen heaven and hell, and the rest of my life would be an epilog. I was an Atheist when before the experience and a Theist after, although with no religious affiliation.

The experience motivated me to go to university and study General relativity, which I felt was full of theological significance. It depicts space-time as a hyper-surface, and particles of matter as creases in the surface, and gravity as curvature of the surface. Which idea I still feel is correct, but I also believe it's purpose is like that of a spider web, but what it catches are lost souls.

Consumed with an Atheistic belief system and great dislike of life in general, I began experimenting with drugs, particularly LSD, in an attempt to explain this meaningless existence. My friends and I would go out to clubs and use large amounts of drugs while "partying"; but it was never about partying for me, it was about learning. What I was convincing myself was that the theory of evolution which was what was taught to me growing up was in fact true and that God and any Metaphysical plain was non-existent. That all changed one night nearly 10 years ago. We were on the club strip attempting to score some acid. That is when a gentleman I am very grateful to said with an incredible [aura] to him "Hey man, would you like to try some really good acid.” Of course I accepted. I took 10 hits.

I was slowly brought to a state of mind where sight was no longer a factor and my existence seemed to be of about the size of the head of a pin inside my head. Then came blackness. Next thing I knew I was consumed by an amazing light millions of times brighter than the sun. I moved into the light and became one with it; not losing my individuality, but gaining all knowledge of everyone and everything that ever lived. I experienced eternal unconditional love(for lack of a better word). Great knowledge was begun to be explained to me including the answers to all of the questions I had ever had. It was Paradise. I then found myself inside my body and stood up with my arms raised in a V. I was no longer an Atheist.

I began to research all religions. I became prideful and had absolutely no fear of God or death. I then tried to reproduce the experience with the same dosage on another party night. This time was not as wonderful. Close to my peak in the trip (poisoning), I felt a pop in my chest. This is when the room began to fill up with demonic beings (individuals). I was extremely frightened and the beings were laughing at me. This continued for hours, nearly landing me in a Psych ward. The next day I picked up a bible and while reading Matthew I read a passage (do unto others) which coincided with my experiences. I said inside my head "I want to serve Christ (God) and a loud bell (gong) went off. At that moment I converted to Christianity. My life since then has been incredibly beautifully. I now have a beautiful baby girl and Wife. Although I no longer fear death I do fear God. I owe the state of my life today to that experience and I will never forget. The way I got there was very risky and I am very lucky to be able to live a normal life. I would not recommend trying this to anyone.

I was riding with a classmate going home after dropping his sister off at work on Thanksgiving Evening. we were coming up to an intersection and there was a car that was not moving, even though the traffic light was green. It was sleeting that night and my friend couldn’t slow down and stop the car in time because of the road conditions. We ran into their back end of their car. I was thrown thru the windshield and then I was thrown back inside the car in the front seat where I was sitting. At that moment, I saw a dark tunnel with a bright light at the end of it. And at the end of the tunnel was OUR LORD. He welcomed me with open arms. I was held there in His arms for a few moments. And HE told me that I couldn’t stay, there was something else left for me to do on this earth. And HE also said that Your children won’t see the day they become adults. That’s when I came back thru that tunnel and woke up inside the car. I got up and walked out of the car. I said to my friend and the other people in the car, “Why were they yelling at each other when I was the one that was hurt?”

They immediately came to my side to help me. I had a sustained lacerations to my forehead and nose that were bleeding uncontrollably. There was a couple that stopped to help us. I was told that she was an RN. She stayed with me while her husband called for help. When the EMS personnel arrived, this couple left. I never did get to find out who that couple was. There was no record of them being there on the police report. I’ve been told that those 2 people were angels sent to help me with my injuries.

I was walking toward a light. It was very bright... and white. At then, at the end of the way, I seemed to step out of a hallway into the purest light that I have no real wards to describe. It was not at all offensive to my eyes. Very wonderful! I took a hand and although I didn't look at the angel, I knew it was an angel. He had a white sleeve, looking like that of a robe, and his hand was like that of a full grown man, except it had absolutely no sign of age. We walked to a pedestal that had a big book. The book had a tapestry front and looked to be ancient somehow, but again not aged. I think it was a needlepoint type of design. The Angel opened the book and turned to a place about 2/3 of the way through it, and I watched him run his finger down a long list of names and stop at my name. I didn't read my name exactly, but I actually did see it. I just knew it was mine. The Angel communicated that to me where we were going. He said no words - I just sort of heard him in my head and I spoke back to him in the same way. I know that sounds weird, but it was something like my mind speaking to his - with perfect understanding and in my head I heard the words.

After he pointed out my name in the book, he took my hand and we walked up to some huge double doors. The were made of wood. They were absolutely huge! The doors opened in on their own and we walked into a big room. It was very light and there was a sence of the most perfect peace. There were lots of other people there, all sitting on the floor all in white robes. I never saw any of their faces, but I knew they were people just like me. We walked through the people and the Angel pointed to a spot and told me (without audible words) that I was to sit there and wait. I sat down and wondered what we were all waiting for, and then I saw a sort of platform with a throne. The throne was empty, but the light seemed to be closer or more bright there, and someone (I think the Angel) told me we were waiting for Him (I assumed Jesus) to come sit on the throne. I noticed one odd thing that has always puzzled me. There were bits of straw on the floor. I don't know what the significance of that was, or why I noticed it. I do know that everything I noticed, I was drawn to notice as if it were dictated that these things I was to take note of and remember.

I wasn't there long. I think the Angel left. But while I was there, I asked some questions that I had needed to know since childhood and the questions were answered. The answers were not the answers I wanted to hear, but the answers were not distressing, because I was told in my mind that “It doesn't matter - nothing that happens down there matters. It is insignificant. Here you will have nothing but the peace you feel right at this moment forever. That's how it is here.” Not exactly in those words, but the answers just came. I heard the words as if they were spoken, but there were no sounds that I heard with my ears. During that short time, I received a tremendous amount of understanding about living, comfort, security and happiness... that I've never forgotten.

Then, as I sat there, suddenly the angel came and put his hand out to me. I took it and he led me back out of the doors, and as we walked past the Pedestal where the book was, I was drawn to look at the pedestal... it was wood and I was told (maybe it was the angel, I'm not sure) that it was made from the cross that Jesus died on. As we passed I think I reached out to touch it and just the tips of my fingers brushed it.

It was like seconds after that, that I was back through the hallway and when I opened my eyes, I saw flowers on a shelf (they were in my hospital room). At first I thought: "oh... I have to have a funeral before I can return.” Then I realized what the flowers were and I was disappointed that I was back and not still going to be there. Not really angry, just disappointed that I had to leave that place and come back.

My mother sent me to the near by Seven-Eleven for a can of soup she realized she needed for dinner and some soda pop. I was ten years old and this was an errand I did often for my parents and was happy to do it especially on a beautiful sunny April afternoon like this one. I got to the store to find that they didn't have the soup that my mom had requested, so I purchased the soda and went to the pay phone to call her and tell her that they didn't have the soup she needed and see if maybe there was another kind she could use instead. She told me, that it was ok because my Dad had just got home from work and she would send him to the grocery store instead and to just come home. And off I went without a care in the world; I turned up an alley that ran behind our home. We only lived 5 houses up and when I reached the back of the fourth house a woman yelled to me from the street, "Hey! Little Girl!" I stooped to see what she wanted and ironically saw my Dad's truck driving down the street behind her. I said "What?" She said, "Come here.” I then told her "No", thinking I'm only one house from home and don't want to walk back only to return after helping her with whatever it was that she needed. So I waited for her to come to me.

When she was only about 3 feet in front of me I saw in her right hand a knife. Which I immediately assumed had to be a toy knife and she was going to play a practical joke on me or something like that. In an instant she grabbed my right arm with her left hand and began to stab me. The first blow was a tremendous shock and extremely painful. My left arm had a brown paper bag with a 6 pack of soda in it, and this I began to use as a kind of shield. I squirmed and pulled but could not free myself of her grasp. All the time thinking, "What I did to this stranger to deserve this?" She stabbed me three times in the chest with a common kitchen-paring knife, and stopped only because the knife bent in half on my chest bone. She then ran, as did I. I was aware I was dying, and knew I had to tell my mother that I loved her before I did, and began to run towards my house. This was very hard as I was bleeding internally and my legs hurt very badly from lack of circulation. I collapsed to my knees as soon as I entered the yard, and then screamed for my mom. I knew I had to get up and somehow managed to do this. I began to run to the house when my mom came out. I got to her, fell to my knees and said "Why did that lady do that to me? Why did that lady do that to me?" I knew I was dying and my mom asked, "What lady?" I said, "I love you, Mom,” and went unconscious. I was in and out of consciousness. My mother wasn't sure what had happened exactly because the stab wound produced very little blood outside of my body and instead filled my lungs. She was on the telephone with emergency when I became conscious again the first time, I called to her and she came and asked me, "What lady did this?" and I told her, "A Mexican lady,” and went unconscious again. I came barely conscious again in the back yard only to realize how painful my legs where. The next time I came conscious I was in the ambulance and a group of some 5 or 6 men where ripping off my clothes and putting on these strange pants and squeezed my legs, and this scared me. I started fighting them and then went unconscious. I was conscious again in the hospital and saw a lot of people in frenzy and my legs still hurt very badly.

The next time I was conscious, I was floating near the ceiling and saw my self lying on the table with a lot of people trying to safe my life. I knew I was dead because I heard someone say; "We lost her,” and they began to panic. I turned away from my body and immediately found my self floating, as if walking, through a tunnel toward a bright light at very end. The movement through the tunnel was continued in a slow sort of methodical way, never speeding up or slowing down. And as I consistently glided on, images of everyone I knew and love drifted past me on the sides. I saw my Aunt Vicky and her new baby boy. They were happy. I saw my mom cleaning the house. I saw my dad getting in his truck. I believe I saw more images, but can't recall all of them. Them I felt as if some one else was there but did not see them. They said, "It wasn't time for me to go.” And very abruptly it seemed, I was taken or jerked out of the tunnel.

The next thing I knew I was sitting on the roof of the hospital, or above it somehow, waiting. I was watching the cars drive by and it began to snow. Someone approached me on my left, I could hear and feel their presence, but never saw their image. This presence moved from my left behind me and sat on my right and we talked. I know the conversation was light and about not anything too dramatic or demanding. We spoke of easy things, like to people who are just getting to know each other might do, and it also was very comfortable, as if I had known them my entire life. They said that I had another purpose and that I needed to go back. We sat for a time longer and watched it snow together.

The next thing I knew I was waking in the hospital with tubes in every part of my body. I was unable to speak because I had a respirator, and both of my arms where splinted at the elbows. I banged on the bars until someone heard me. Then asked for my mom. I told her again "That I loved her,” as soon as I saw her. I then was given a pen to communicate, and it was only then that anyone knew exactly what had happened. The woman was then caught. I told my Mom, when I was able to speak, about the out of body experience and the light and that I watched it snow. She was astonished by this and told me that she too had watched it begin to snow. We both spoke of the car that was in front of the hospital. I told her it wasn't my time to go. She was glad. I wouldn't change any of my attack because I feel that the gift of life from a new perspective has made me richer of soul and understanding. That life is a gift of time to enjoy everything you can, to love, to laugh, and to cry. To just experience and learn. And when you leave the earth to go wherever you go, you take every feeling and experience with you. I often say that I don't fear death, I fear having to live without those I love on earth more. It's interesting that I was torn about having to return to earth, but believe that I would have lived it up either way.

I had taken a bottle of adult aspirin for back pain, about 100-160 caplets, a bottle of rum, and a bottle of iodine. I had been on the phone with a friend and told them what I had done. I realized that someone would find me if I stayed at my house. So I hid at the dock about five minutes away. I knew where there was a ditch that no one would find me. It was raining terribly and I hid down the ditch between a piece of wood and a tree. I remember hearing people yell my name and the sounds of people walking around searching but I could not move. My vision was blank. I fell asleep for what turned out to be six hours. I remember looking up from my sanctuary and thinking this feels like a grave. I saw Blackie, a ghost I had been close to since early childhood. I had not seen him in a long time. He was motioning for me to come to him. It was late night/early morning. I began to claw my way up out of the ditch afraid to look behind me and see my dead body. My motions were stilted and my mind muddy. For the whole time I felt dead. No angels, family members, light in a tunnel. Just emptiness. I finally clawed my way to the top. By this time the paramedics and police had given up and told my parents the chances that I was alive were slim.

When I got to the top Blackie had moved. My head was spinning and I could barely walk, but I knew Blackie was leading me and I had to follow. I stumbled after him and he seemed to flit from sight and move to a new location. I followed. It was now around 3 am. After about fifteen minutes of my unsteady steps, I saw him reach the driveway to the docks. And then he smiled and was gone. I walked to the spot he disappeared at and looked up the street. Even at that late hour my parents had not abandoned their search. My father was at home waiting for any phone calls that may lead to finding me. But like a beautiful angel, my mother was walking my dog. I saw her and Barron and for a moment I thought it was just what I wanted to see. And then she called my name. And I ran to her.

The next day a doctor checked me out and amazingly I was fine. But I had myself institutionalized. While I was there I was awoken every night at least twice. It turns out that the doctors were sure my organs were going to fail from what I had done. But after a week of therapy and blood tests, they were all shocked to see that I was perfectly fine. And I knew there had to be some reason I didn't die that night. And I will live to find out what it is.

[Shortly after the accident]
I was involved in a MVA with a train in. My passenger was pronounced dead at the scene of the accident. I remained conscious throughout the entire time of the accident and following it.

My experience was the filling up of the car with white hot light. A lot of heat involved in the light. The passenger was surrounded in it, almost golden. I knew she was dead but felt almost detached like I wasn't involved. My senses seemed so intense and acute I felt pain from them, sight, sound, smell especially. My nose filled with the scent of newborn baby's neck. (I hope this makes sense). It is a very sweet smell that babies only have for a few weeks following their births. I laid my head down for a moment and closed my eyes , felt warmer. But I felt such a PULLING at me ... that I wasn't to just stop.

I could not get out of the car by the door, so I slid out the broken window like a snake and hit the ground. While laying in the ditch, I experienced sights, sounds, smells acutely again. As before, I almost felt I was looking down upon someone else. The only grief I felt was regret at leaving my children behind without warning and sadness at what they would have to endure following my death. I saw my cousin who was brought up with my family as a sister to me. She has been deceased since 1994. After I told the ambulance attendant my children's names and what messages I had for them, I remember a feeling of snapping almost. Like a releasing of all will to live and letting go.

My injuries turned out to be fractures of the C7 vertebrae (neck), back, multiple ribs, pneumothorax(collapsed lung), internal bleeding from a tearing of my liver, head lacerations requiring stitches (50). I was airlifted to nearest trauma centre where I had other strange occurrences, but am now willing to blame the heavy medication I was on following the accident.

[Narrated two years later]

MVA in with a freight train. Passenger in car died on top of me. Felt incredible heat and light ... experienced her death with her ... I think it was at this point I left this world briefly ... came to smelling baby's neck smell ... I was conscious the entire time from moment of impact to transfer in ambulance to hospital. I broke my neck, back, pelvis, ribs, punctured lung. I was able to slide out of the car thru the window. Witnesses state it was hard to understand how I was doing it as my limbs appeared rubbery. Fell down, got back up again ... over and over. Kept trying to walk away. Appeared to witnesses as if someone was "pulling strings" above me. I saw my Dad who has been dead since 1985. Nurses and Doctors have no explanation for why I am alive ... most said it was a "miracle.” It has changed my life ... totally... in good and bad ways.

It began with no warning, well, no conventional warning.
I heard a voice, in my mind, say "Get ready, something is going to happen. Don't let them interfere..”

I thought it some fancy of my young mind ... however, I took such fancies to heart. Especially since they were not your usual childhood fare.

I told the person that was with me, that something unusual was going to happen and all that I could tell her about it, was that she must not interfere ... no matter what.

I lay back and saw a light form leave my body. As it was leaving, I realized that it was me. I knew that I was dying. I gasped to get air into my starved lungs ... but something went awry. I was yanked out of my body. I had no doubt that I was dead, stone cold dead. I would have panicked, if I had cared much. Death was not too shabby, weird, not at all what I expected, but none to shabby. I was seeing and learning information about the very fabric of things, the nature of the Universe, how micro becomes macro and vice versa.

I followed the proverbial light, through space ... not a tunnel.

I figured out some things that changed me forever. I worked out that the Universe is far from static, and that we affect it every day ... we just don't notice to what extent we are changing that which we observe.
I got to a boundary and knew that to proceed would break the tether to my body, and then getting to either my body or the light would require me to move under my own will. Those who got distracted and wandered were caught in a dream world of sorts, searching for connections that can lead them home ... what/where ever home may be for their soul. It is not a scary place, like the limbo we often think of. It is just a waking dream of the spirit.

Suddenly I was yanked out of my litany of questions that I was systematically throwing at the Universe, with mixed results.

I found myself in my body, sort of. That was the only frightening part of the experience, being half in and half out of my body. It was like having my own feeling body, sewn to a corpse. I could see body parts, like my hand lying limply in my lap, but I felt my hand on my friend's shoulder and I felt horrid and transient, like I could be ripped out again. After a time, it righted itself. A few minutes passed before I was right in the head.

My friend had been furious at me for dying on her. She got no life signs from me for over ten minutes, according to her. I didn't know that was possible, to be dead that long with no brain damage. In emergency medical training we heard of stories where people were brought back in far stranger circumstances ... many of them children. Kids just come back easier ... no one seems sure why, but it is one of the perks to resuscitating tykes, they survive.

My friend was so freaked out that it ended our friendship. It made me who and what I am today. A child no more, I now wonder what happened, however, my belief that what I experienced was real and tangible ... so to speak, is unwavering.

Heady stuff for a child of twelve. Mildly confusing to the woman I would become.

I left home after that, at age twelve. I returned at the age of thirteen, and lived as an adult with my parents after that. Even they knew that something would never be the same again. I left school and attended college at the age of sixteen, and left home for the final time at age seventeen. I was an honour student for the four years, 4. 0 GPA, and as peculiar as they come. I am now an ordained minister, non-denominational, and have several interests that are service oriented. I feel like I can do right by the lifeforce, if I start with those around me.

Thanks for compiling this data. I could have used it growing up, and now others can find it while still in the throws of dealing with this phenomena.

I was hit while crossing on a green light. Not my fault, but that didn't matter much in the aftermath.
I was conscious through it all, for a time anyway. I had some medical training, which meant that I knew exactly how broken up I was. My gallows sense of humour never left me for a moment. I knew that I was bleeding out. I knew that my lower right leg was •••• near destroyed mid leg.

I would have been far more unnerved, but for the crowd that had gathered at my feet. They were inadvertently blocking traffic, and I could feel a most tangible sense of love and protection. They were so kind and caring and longing to help, though they could do little else but emote. One woman held my head an inch from the cold pavement, and a young man held my hand to console me. I didn't cry, I didn't even mind the pain.

I was suddenly aware that there were far more people that were kind and caring, than I had ever thought possible. The fire department had fire-fighters on scene after what seemed like ages, but was only about five minutes from the time of impact. They were cracking jokes with me. They too are often possessed of a wicked sense of dark humour.

I used the memory of those nice loving people to hold me together through what was to follow. I saw the skull x-ray, my skull x-ray. It was not good. Eight staples later, they stopped the bleeding of my scalp ... no problem. Then I saw my leg, not good. I was conscious, and determined to remain so with the head injury that I had sustained. I did not want to experience a coma ... again. I insisted on having an epidural. I happily bent over, shattered leg and all, and took the needle without a single wince.

Somewhere, something went awry, I dropped out ... and woke up barely stable and just post intubation. Which is not fun, ask anyone who's been there.

I have had more than one run in with death, and I am starting to understand things that are somewhat disturbing in the scope and depth to which they have taken my awareness.

I was physically too fragile to even be moved after the accident, and for a week thereafter. I underwent another two or three operations after that. All were preformed in the trauma unit. In the end, I lived. In theory ...

I spent a year in a wheelchair. I was fueled by the sheer depth of the love I had felt from the bystanders at the accident. I told many people in hospital of my revelation and how it drove me to have a new outlook on the world.

I began go outside when accidents happened in front of my house, as I had once done while training to be an EMT firefighter. I was barely mobile and still had a concussion, but I was driven to help others the way I had been helped. I made a difference too. I was again driven to become medic.

One day my friend, who was at the accident scene, was listening to me tell the story of all the wonderfully kind bystanders that changed my life path. He was giving me an odd look. He told me that there was no one there. He insisted that only two drivers stopped to watch, and that even the fire dept. was not on scene then, there simply were no bystanders, let alone a whole throng of them. I described the woman who held my head and the man who held my hand, and how they had been there while he had been watching. He was positive that no person even touched me before the engine and medics had arrived. None of them fit the descriptions that I gave.

I was heartbroken at first. I wanted them to be corporeal people, then I could view all mankind in a more gentle light. Then it dawned on me, that whatever caused my 'vision' of those loving people, it was acting in my best interest. Whether it was a misfire of a mass of damaged neurons, or an assembly or angels, or just the poor souls of civilians that have met their end in that intersection, it did not matter. At worst, we are highly adapted to stress and can chemically ease our death with nice images and emotions. At best, there is a force out there that has our best interests in mind, and heart.

I am not the same person who was hit; she died, in one way ... if not the other. I never sought confirmation of clinical death at the time. I was a bit busy trying to stop bleeding. That lasted longer than you would think, over the next few months.

I could have lost my leg, which was reattached, and I would not have had trouble accepting that. In fact, I expected to lose it. I could have bled out, a half dozen times, and that was fine by me as well. I fully expected to die in that street, and I was completely at peace with the world. My heart was as light as a feather. I knew true love. I could die quite happy. It was a good day to die, I guess.

So, no matter what we face, it is nice to know that we can never be alone in crisis. Whether an hallucination, or the love of the spirit, or the love of Our Lady, the outcome is the same.

I want to train to become a medic again. I understand a fearlessness and composure that is highly adaptable in such chaos. I can bring this force with me to others and console them, even amidst their own medical nightmare. The response has been remarkable. Now and again they find me after their accidents, and they are so happy and so thankful that someone had been there to help them and notify their families. It was not me in particular that they felt grateful for, it was the fact that someone, a stranger, would help them in their darkest hour. Someone who wanted nothing more than to ease every ounce of their suffering and who would hold their hand. Someone who had faith, in everything and everyone.

That is what I keep in my heart. ..
That is who I am now, the stranger who holds hands in the darkest hours.

I am happy. I get it now. Life is work, and I love it. .. and all in it.

I was nine years old, months before we would leave Alaska (Dad was stationed there in the Air Force). My friends and I were playing a game called "Bumper Cars" on the slide, about fifty yards from my back porch. I was the first in line, so I slid to the end of the slide, turned sideways so my feet would not touch the ground, and then one by one, each child slid down behind me, ultimately trying to knock me off of the slide. I had about six of them piled up behind me when I finally lost my grip and fell off. This time, everyone else fell with me and I ended up at the bottom of a very heavy pile of kids. I had hyper-extended my wrist a little bit, pulling the muscle at the back of my forearm. I yelled for them to let me up, and then I started walking toward my house. I got about half-way there when everything went black. I had fallen flat on my face, breaking my front tooth. My friends all thought I was faking it, or just kidding around, until one of them saw that I was convulsing. My best friend went to get my mother, and her sister went to get their mother. Both mothers tried to call an ambulance at the same time, but got a busy signal, two or three times before they simultaneously ran out to check on me. Meanwhile, I have this "dream": I approach the back door of my house, and my mother meets me there. I tell her I don't feel good, and she picks me up and carries me to my room. I note that my room is beautiful, clothed in soft, white cotton, and the sheer white curtains floated on the breeze above my bed (from behind the headboard). Mom puts me to bed, kisses me on the forehead and says, "You'll be alright, sweetheart. You just need to rest for a while.” And then she leaves the room, shutting the door behind her. When the door closes, everything goes black again, and then there's the bright tunnel. From the side of the tunnel, as if He himself is hiding in the darkness, a man's hand reaches down, as if to help me up. I reach for the hand, but before I manage to touch it, I hear a thunderous, (commanding but not frightening) male voice say, "No!" and I think "Not yet” was implied to me.

Simultaneously, I hear my mother's voice screaming, "My baby! My baby!" and I thought I heard her follow up with ”... is dead!" Turns out, somebody else said, "She's dead!" I struggle a little bit, but I can't wake up, I can't feel anything, can't move, and can't see. I start to scream, loudly and struggle to be able to do any of the above. I can't stop screaming until a hear the sirens, and I can tell they are getting closer. Finally, I regain vision, but I still can't feel, move, or speak.

The ambulance arrives and the sirens stop. Two men load me into the ambulance, and my eleven-year-old brother wants to go. They stop him and I see his face as he breaks into tears. I'm finally able to speak, "It's ok. Maybe Dad can bring you to see me.” Then, they close the doors and rush me to the emergency room.
Upon my arrival, there is nothing medically to find other than the obvious - signs that I had lost control of my bladder, I had broken a tooth, and I am now vomiting somewhat. Doctors follow up for months with EEG's, EKG's, blood work, you name it. They find nothing, not even initially, any evidence of my having hurt my arm or wrist. The pain was gone and never came back.

I recall feeling somewhat misplaced for a long time afterward. It wasn't like I didn't belong here, but more like I wasn't really here. I still feel that way on one hand, but at the same time, like there is a reason for it all. I can certainly see that I am needed in this place we call Planet Earth. I am very empathetic; I tend to literally feel the pain that others experience in everyday life. Signs of moral corruption leave me with an undeniable need to pray for people, both the corrupt and victims of such. I have experienced religiously oriented nightmares, as well as vivid dreams that soon after proved to have been foretelling. Such as, when I was about three months pregnant with my first (and only) son, I had been recently concerned about how I would know what my newborn would need or want. Then, I had this dream: I was in the delivery room, the doctor handed me this baby. His skin was somewhat dark, but his hair was blond and curly. (My baby was born with thick, wavy blond hair and somewhat dark skin. He tans very easily and never gets sun burnt, despite the fact that he spends a lot of time in the sun.) Within minutes, he appeared to be a three or four-year-old boy, but still tiny and wrapped in the hospital blanket. He looked at me with purpose and told me in plain English what he needed. (When my son was born, he carried a look of purpose, intense understanding.) I woke from that dream knowing that I wouldn't have any trouble on the receiving end of communicating with my newborn.

Here's what's really weird: For the first three months of his life, he always woke up between four and five in the morning, screaming like he was starving to death. One morning, when he was less than ten days old, he did this, and before I could start feeding him, he screamed, "Hungy!" Not once, but four times with each breath that he took. The last time was just as clear as the first. He is now five years old, and people are shocked upon meeting him to hear such articulate vocabulary and ideas come from a child his age. He talks in his sleep and when he's alone. He talks to strangers without skipping a beat. He never stops, and I know he didn't inherit this trait from his father or me, because neither of us are "talkers.”

Archive through May 12, 2004

Details

Created: Wednesday, 12 May 2004 16:36

I was admitted to hospital for an elective surgery procedure, to have my wisdom teeth removed. The surgery was to be performed under a general anesthetic. I was not aware of any adverse incidents until I awoke in recovery. As soon as I opened my eyes, I knew something was wrong. I couldn't breathe properly and felt extremely distressed. There was medical staff running around and they were trying to secure an oxygen mask over my face and there were monitors everywhere.

Apparently just after the anesthetic was administered, I spasmed and regurgitated gastric juices. This caused me to choke and stop breathing. My heart then went into ventricular defibrillation. They had to clear the airway, intubate and defibrillate to bring me back from the brink.

I didn't really feel anything different until about two weeks after my experience.

How has this changed me. I have started to exercise and go the gym. I have lost so much weight from the exercise its great. I have become more narcissitic. I have developed a taste for dangerous pursuits, eg, speeding on the highway, whereas I was always a conservative driver. I have started to seek physical validation from the fairer sex more often. My sex drive is so strong now it’s embarrassing. My fear factor of things known and unknown has decreased. Death does not scare me anymore.

I have started to express my thoughts and emotions more freely and vocally; this has caused angst amongst my family and friends and work colleagues. I have stopped anti-depressant medication I was on for ten years, I am sick of being sedated. My thinking is clearer and my intuition has become stronger. My career goals have become clearer, and I have become more brutal in the work place instead of just accepting things the way they are. I am no longer afraid to speak my mind, and I now welcome stressful situations. I look forward to confrontation, whereas before I was always one to avoid stress and confrontation. I have become harder of heart and will not allow myself to get close to people again. I will not allow myself to be used or hurt by anyone again.

I am starting to like myself, for the first time in my life. This has been a mixed experience and I am so grateful for it. It has opened my eyes and changed me forever.

After the event, I passed out on the river bank and saw people looking down at me with no one doing anything. An ambulance had been called and I watched it take the long way to get to me. Watched as they transferred me another ambulance. Woke up later in the hospital and the nurse said, "Oh you’re awake. “Let me hook you up and I'll go get the doctor.”

While she was inserting butterfly in my wrist, I noticed the time was 11:18. She put the oxygen tube on me and during the course of the conversation; she told me that it was Tuesday - not Sunday. I then realized that I still had on my wet/muddy pants and socks on that I had worn in the canoe race, and asked her why I still had these on. She said, "We were going to let the morgue take them off.”

I don't know where I was at the time, but where I went was very different. I couldn't see myself nor were there any colors or direction -- no up, down, front, back. The only thing I observed was a lite [light?] where I knew every thing else was, and that I was no-where for eternity. I saw nothing else but knew it was there someplace.

My interpretation is that being alone for eternity was my "hell," if it does exist.

I went into the hospital because I could not keep any food down for over a month. When I was admitted in critical condition, I was given Compazine to calm my stomach down. Five seconds later, I was given another dose. I knew something was very wrong because my chest felt as if I had bricks on it and the pain was intense. I buzzed for the nurse and no one came to see what was wrong. I died 3 times that day because of the error. When I died the first time, I went into a white tunnel and god was waiting there for me. I wanted to stay. The second time, I saw my mom's dad that died when she was 12. On the third time, my dead grandmother and my dead aunt, both on my mom's side, told me to go back. God has given you a second try, go back. It is now 2004 and God has given me a 2nd try.

I'm a normal person and sometimes I do not wish to talk about my experiences because I'm afraid that people might think I'm crazy. But I'm very much disturbed because my experiences are recurring. I experience NDE several times. I don’t know if it’s NDE, its like a nightmare. Its in my dreams.

There are two types of NDE that I experience: one is I'm awake and one is I'm sleeping.

EXPERIENCE 1. I was riding in a bus because I’m going to my home province when I suddenly feel terribly nervous. My heart was beating fast and I can hear my heartbeats. I'm very much disturb and I cried. I feel like something is going to happen and I'm gonna die. I look at the people inside the bus and they were all comfortable. I can feel that I'm the only who's gonna die. I've been riding a bus for all my life but that was the first time I felt that. And so while crying I prayed a lot. And as the bus goes near to my province, I've become more worried and afraid of dying. And then finally when the bus entered into my province, something really happened that I cannot forget. Someone from outside the bus throw a rock/stone in the bus and it hits the glass window where I was sitted. Good thing I was able to accidentally save myself by adjusting the back rest of the chair where I was sitted. And that simultaneously happened. I decided to take a rest by resting my back and adjusting the back rest of the chair where I was sitted and as soon as I have rested my back I saw the stone from the broken glass window pass by in front of my face. If I did not rest my back on the back rest and adjust it the stone could have hit my head and the pieces of the broken glass window could have hit my neck, head and face.

Eperience 2. Same thing on the experience 1: I suddenly felt terribly nervous without any reason. I was just inside a canteen and eating the same meal that I eat everyday. It's just an ordinary day when I felt that something is gonna happen again. I don’t know what it is but I’m really nervous. I decided to stand up and finish my meal prematurely. And as soon as I have stand and take three steps the big lamp or light inside that canteen fell exactly where I was sitted. Thanks God I'm able to save my self again accidentaly.

Eperience 3. This happens just now. I'm in my bed and was sleep. I was awakened (not sure if I'm really awakened) by the noise in front of me, I saw a big bird, as big as a rooster, continuesly moving his wings. As he move his wings I can’t breath. I tried to shout but I lost my voice. I don’t know if I'm having a nightmare or its real, because I know that I'm already awake, but the image of the big bird flying in front of me while I was lying in my bed was still there. I'm awake but I could not even opened my eyes. I cannot move my body. Finally I was able to move my fingers and then every part of my body. But I feel like my body doesn’t feel anything. Still catching my breath, I stand up and drink water. It took almost half an hour before my breath has stabilized.

I know its not so extra ordinary to have experience nightmares if its nightmare. All I know is that when I experienced it, I’m going to die because I can’t breath. My problem is that it always happen, I'm experiencing these things at least once or twice every month. And I'm really afraid that when it happens again I will not survive.

The first and second experiences also happens to me very often the only difference are the situations.

It's really disturbing. I know I'm near death.

If you know something that I can do prevent these things from happening again please tell me. The first and second experiences, I consider them gift. Gift of feeling or sensing the danger before it actually arrives. But EXPERIENCE 3 is very disturbing.

These are just few of lots of strange things happening to me and I don’t like it.

Anyway thanks for taking time reading this. I hope to hear from you guys if there is anything I can do to prevent it from happening again or if you know someone who experience the same thing please inform me.

Thanks Again and more power to your org.

I was attacked and stabbed 40-60 times and knew I would die but would also live if they got me to a hospital in time. I flat-lined, but cannot remember anything when I first arrived at the hospital. I then later flat-lined whilst in surgery in the intensive care dept. I think it was, it was then that I felt myself floating towards the ceiling. The horrendous pain I had been in was gone and it’s hard to describe but I felt surrounded/infused with this powerful "LOVE." It must be how a baby must feel whilst growing in its mother’s womb. I don't know how else to describe it. I felt safe. I remember looking down and seeing my body lying there with the doctors/nurses working on me, I could hear them saying she's not responding. One of the doctors told a nurse to stand clear. I remember looking at what they were wearing on their feet, and watching what they were doing and saying. It was then that I suddenly knew I had to go back, that there is a reason for me being alive today something I have yet to do. I then heard the doctor say stand clear we will try one last time - they had been trying to resuscitate me with those electric pad things. It was then that I felt a painfully sharp pain in my chest. It felt like I had been "sucked" back into my body, and I mean literally sucked.

Apparently I was moved to the high dependency unit of intensive care where they say only one in ten go out alive. I was in a coma, but came out of it within 3 days. Although the doctors expected me to be in hospital for months, it was in fact only 3-4 weeks. Even though both my lungs had been stabbed 3-4 times each and had collapsed, both my kidneys had been lacerated several times, also my kidney, bowels and two main arteries had been severed, plus all the other stab wounds and the fact that I had lost so much blood that I should not have survived. To this day, the doctors, specialists, surgeons all say it was a miracle and that I should be dead. I recovered quickly and was walking out of the hospital within four weeks. Although I have been left with scars and no feeling in most parts of my body, left asthmatic and prone to infections, I know now I'm here for a purpose. I even know when things are going to happen, sometimes both good and bad like a women’s intuition but highly intensified. But that’s another thing that I could tell you about for ages. I'm still coming to terms with it as it sometimes creeps both myself and others out. Yet I know this has something to do with my N. D. E.

Thank you for letting me tell someone this. Most people either don't want to hear about it 'cause it freaks them, or they look at me like I'm crazy. But no matter what, no-one will ever change my mind about what I experienced.

As I was being attended in the ER, I was suddenly in a room that appeared to be a well-appointed office paneled in dark, rich wood. On my left-front, there were a series of shelves containing many small figurines that appeared to be made of pewter. It seems that some were of horsemen, knights and the like.

The focus of the experience, however, was on a well dressed professional looking man standing before me and apparently communicating with me. (Although I don't believe that there was any verbal communication, there was perfect understanding.) The person wore a white shirt and neck tie, and appeared as some one who had just removed his suit coat. The entire scene had the impression of informality, but yet being very important. This person seemed to be using a blackboard and white chalk as an aid to his delivery. The most apt way that I have found to convey my overall impression is to liken it to an orientation session for some corporation/ business.

I remember distinctly trying, during the experience, to put it into proper context. I told myself that I was "dreaming" but, as if arguing with myself, saying, "No, this is entirely too real to be a dream.” Also while the experience was unfolding all the details were vividly clear. Then suddenly I seemed to be removed from that "office-instructional" situation and I was floating on my back, feet first through a dark void. At once, the experience was past and the vivid details became very indistinct and remain so today. The overall impressions, however, remain with me and positively so.

There was no fear associated with this void, in fact I was unnaturally calm. Delightfully at peace. (endorphins?)

During the 'void-journey' phase the medical staff must have been resuscitating me, because it all ended abruptly by someone rudely kicking me in the backside. I was suddenly back in the ER and very unhappy about being handled so roughly.

Upon waking I was relieved of the pain and from then on there was a perfect recovery. I have made no assumption regarding religion or paranormal, however, I believe that my NDE was the paramount event in my life. Partially as a result of it, I have an altered belief of life(s) and death - which I now feel is a transition rather than a termination.

Out of body. Looking down on self. Coming out of like a dark cave. Been carried at fast speed, standing up, by someone holding my back, through a dark valley, then I was stopped at the still waters. When I was satisfied of all I had seen there, I was taken further, then stood in front of the door of heaven. My life, what seemed to have been 20 min. long, my life went in like fast forward video mode behind me. The bright orange glow of heaven shone through the edge of the door. The door seemed about 12 ft. high. Then mad that church does not teach us what to do when we die and come to the door. Had extreme happiness engulf my soul. I could move my head to look around. Was given the choice to go through the door, or come back as soon as I had decided I wanted to be back with the children. I had a massive thump back into my body.

I was on my way home from work. It was a very hot day. I had never had low blood sugar before, so this was something new for me and my family. I got off the bus and was walking up the steps to my house I thought I never made it in the house. To this day I thought I was outside because it was bright, warm, and the sun was shining, and I could hear a female voice leaning over me and calling my name and asking me if I was alright. When I would look up I would see a profile of a face, but the face was different colors, bright colors. Today I just asked my sister if I was outside, and she told me I had came inside and my father noticed I wasn't myself and called the ambulance. All this time I thought I was outside because it was real to me.

To continue, when I woke up I was in the intensive care emergency room. A nurse had just walked in and asked me how was I doing and if I wanted some orange juice. I told her fine and yes I would. I remember laying there and closing my eyes. The next thing I remember is sort of floating over this beautiful landscape of green, green grass and the most beautiful flowers I have ever seen in my life. I feeling around me was the most loving feeling and the sun was shining soooo bright, but it was not hot, it was warm, just right and I could see in the distance, a tree, a large tree, and I remember I had to go toward it.

As I was floating towards the tree I could hear a voice say “you can't go now.” I stopped and looked around, but I don't remember seeing anyone, but I felt someone. I remember saying, but not speaking, “I don't want to leave.” I could hear the voice in my head saying “not now, your children need you, look up.” I looked up and I could see my two children and my husband reaching over a mountain trying to grab my hand. I seem like I was at the bottom of this steep cliff. The voice told me to go but don't let the hands touch me. At that moment I began to raise up the side of the cliff. I then notice hands started to reach out of the cliff. Just as I was almost at the top, I could see my family reaching for me, and all of a sudden I felt as though I was pushed up and over, and I woke up.

At the moment I woke up, the nurse was walking back in my room with my juice. At first I didn't realize what had happen, and I couldn't believe what had just happen. But I know it had happened, I believed what happened. I felt it. After this, I wasn't afraid of death. I didn't tell anyone what had happened to me; I was afraid no one would believe me. It wasn't until I heard a little girl on a talk show talking about her near death experience and what she saw. I told myself if this child could see similar details of what I saw, then I was not alone. I then told my father what had happened to me that day. [He] then told me my mother, who had past when I was twelve years old, had seen a green grass and flowers, and he said she had told him about the same feelings, the warmth, the brightness, the love. He said she had told him this before she died.

This is not the only time I have had a near death experience. I had another one in the year 1998. I had another hypoglycemic experience. This time I was with my fiancée at his house. He told me we were sleeping. He turned over and put his arm over me and I was cold. He woke up and said I was not breathing right. He said he got me up and starting walking with me and calling my name. He said all of sudden I stopped breathing, and he kept yelling for me to breath but I wouldn't. He said after a while I just all of a sudden took a deep breath and started to breath. After that he called the ambulance. Doing all of this, I remember laying on the bed, and all of a sudden I was in this very bright place full of warmth and love. I was not alone. I could feel someone on both sides of me, and we were approaching this person with two other persons on each side of person. I felt as though this person was both male and female. As I got closer I could see white. Each person on the sides were of very importance to the person in the middle, and there was love. The person in the middle had on a bright white robe, and I remember seeing gold ropes hanging from the waist of this person, but I could never see a face. As I approached and stood in front of this person I felt incredible love. I did not want to leave, but I could hear this person say “breathe.” Just as this was said to me, I took a deep breath and woke up. After this experience, I have been less stressful about the future. I just live one day at a time. I've become more spiritual and more open, as with my daughters too. After this, anytime I've gotten sick, I know that I am not alone. That some kind of way, someone will know that I am sick. Sometimes my daughter will hear someone or be awaken by someone, or my fiancée will get the urge to call me at the moment I am sick and will be able to call my daughter or the ambulance to help me. Sometimes my oldest daughter, who doesn't live here, calls and says she had a feeling I was sick, or she dreamed about me getting sick. So I know I'm never alone. I know I have angels and my mother watching over me.

I was working as an electrician on a large project in Mass. While working inside a new piece of switchgear, the generator company came to test their equipment. Without notifying anyone, they cut the tag off the circuit breaker and turned on the power. I received 480 volts hand-to-hand and flew backward. The next thing I know is I’m floating above my body, looking at everyone coming to see if I'm okay. The feeling was of endless body and carefree, loving and worry free. Then, I felt something "push" me back down, and I remember a bright light then waking up face down on the floor. They helped me up until the ambulance arrived. My heart rate was messed up and my right shoulder had melted out of the socket. At the hospital, the doctors looked at me and told me I should not be there telling them the story.

I was working as an electrician on a large project in Mass. While working inside a new piece of switchgear, the generator company came to test their equipment. Without notifying anyone, they cut the tag off the circuit breaker and turned on the power. I received 480 volts hand-to-hand and flew backward. The next thing I know is I’m floating above my body, looking at everyone coming to see if I'm okay. The feeling was of endless body and carefree, loving and worry free. Then, I felt something "push" me back down, and I remember a bright light then waking up face down on the floor. They helped me up until the ambulance arrived. My heart rate was messed up and my right shoulder had melted out of the socket. At the hospital, the doctors looked at me and told me I should not be there telling them the story.

I had pneumonia. I died in my sleep on three occasions. I remember being in a dead sleep, and then waking sudden, and inhaling breath like if I hadn't taken a breath in 1-2 minutes. It was the most frightening experience. It felt like a hand had reached in my soul and pulled me out of a dark tunnel. I remember the tunnel was dark. I can elaborate more but I prefer to talk about it instead of writing it.

During my college years, I had a habit of taking a short Sunday afternoon nap. My dorm room was on the second floor of the building; my bed next to an outside wall. A window in the dorm room was just above my bed.

This particular "event" went like this; and to this day I remember the details as if they were yesterday, not thirty plus years ago. While "Jim" was asleep on the bed ("I" could see him there), "I" arose (floated?) up and over him. ”I" (drifted?) through the second story wall and out over the dorm’s driveway that was adjacent to the building. From that midair position, "I" could still view "Jim" through the wall in bed napping. ”I" remember turning myself to view the campus from this unique perspective, as I had never been in midair in this location before. (And never since.)

Everything I saw on the campus was from this midair location, between the second floor dorm wall and the adjacent trees. The spatial relationships were not distorted, exaggerated, or fuzzy; it appeared real as real could be. But the most vivid part of this "out of body" experience was not what "I" visualized. The thing that most impressed my then and still impresses me is what I felt. I mean emotionally felt while I was (floating?). When "I" was leaving "Jim", "I" had this feeling of joy of being liberated from my physical body. I absolutely did not want to go back to that sleeping form in the bed. ”I" was perfectly happy where I was going through walls and drifting outside. There was no unhappiness, unease, etc. I (Jim) awoke immediately in bed; drenched in sweat. (And I mean drenched.)

Can our subconscious/spirit interact with the spiritual or is this in reality our imagination going haywire? Please consider my experiences.

I have personally experienced my spirit leaving my body and being united with the "ultimate supreme spirit" (God?). In 1956, when I was fifteen years old, I had pneumonia and thought I was dying. My father took me to a doctor who gave me a penicillin injection and recommended immediate hospitalization. We had no medical insurance or money, so my father took me home to recuperate. I remember the drive home vividly. Every breath was painful and my chest felt as though a great weight was upon it.

I watched cars and trucks drive by, and wondered how people could make long term plans when life was so unpredictable. Several nights later, it felt as if my spirit left my body and it experienced being in a place with a gathering of souls or spirits. I sensed great peace, tranquility and ecstasy -- a rapture that was beyond a person's imagination. I felt as if I was a part of ALL, a part of God. I was mentally communicating and in sync with everyone, including not only some of my deceased acquaintances and relatives, but many of the prophets of the bible, and historical people I had read about. There was no dominant force, no forceful leader. I somehow knew who everyone was. Every thought interacted with the whole community. I had no questions; it seemed as if everything was revealed and crystal clear. I saw the universe stretched out with spirits engaged in mental interaction like master craftsmen contemplating the creation of a new frontier.

When I told my father who was a preacher of the Lutheran Faith about my experience he dismissed it abruptly and told me that this "supreme spirit, " this God that my spirit had witnessed, was not the God of the bible and he told me to pray for my salvation. We never talked about it afterwards.

Since that time I never really gave it much thought until the New York World Trade Center tragedy on 9-11-01. I went into deep meditation. I wanted to find an answer to why and how some misguided individuals could believe that their actions would be rewarded with their soul's eternal life with God. I then had a couple of experiences similar to the one I had at age fifteen of my spirit communicating with the "ultimate spirit.” (God, Allah or whatever one desires to call him/her/it)

One spiritual experience seemed to last throughout the entire night. My spirit observed the entire history and the evolution of the universe and our varying perceptions of God, as if in a fast-forward film.

The messenger is of no significance. It is the message that needs to be taken into account and judged for its merits. The experiences I encountered after the 9-11 tragedy helped me come to this conclusion: In this 21st Century, the Age of Technology, we are still plagued by religious beliefs that are a contributing cause toward terrorism, killings and wars between nations. Belief in a deity, who keeps causing catastrophes, punishes people, and created the universe out of nothingness as if by magic was brought about by hysteria and superstitions. This thought process needs to be reassessed and brought up to date. Open-minded people must use common sense to determine whether this so-called deity was incorrectly perceived, misinterpreted and misunderstood by the masses of a bygone era.

Some will say that my personal experience of oneness with a supreme spirit is nothing but a dream or a vivid imagination. It doesn't matter whether you accept or totally reject my story. What does matter is that we evolve to a point whereby we can encourage open-minded people to offer feedback on how our religious beliefs can be brought into the 21st century.

My concept is that God is a spiritual unity, a oneness, a structured government-like "Spiritual Collective"; the "Progressive and Accumulative Spiritual Intelligence" of the universe existing in the spiritual fourth dimension; a collective of the righteous souls who have passed into the spiritual realm; a spiritual continuity.

Namaste

BACKGROUND: I was the Director Of Cardiology Services at a Hospital. I was in charge of seven Departments and trying to open a new Cardiac Cath Lab at the time. My wife had delivered our third child prematurely. He was on a respirator alarm at home. I was working long hours, not getting enough sleep nor eating properly.

EVENTS: [One morning], I woke up, recalling a dream I had. I was in a early morning meeting with my Asst. Director. During the meeting I walked over to my black bookshelf and collapsed and died. I shook it off and I decided I did not want to go to work feeling exhausted; however, one of my Departments was going to be short personnel, so I went in to work. I arrived at the hospital at 6:30 am, Got two cups of coffee and went to my office. I went to my departments and started up all of the equipment, as I usually do. I returned to my office. I needed to see my Asst. Director, at 7:05am I got up from my desk walked in front of my black shelving unit and collapsed against my office door closing it as I fell. A housekeeper, that cleaned our area every night, heard me hit the floor moaning. She was not suppose to be at work that day. My office was located at the far end of a long hallway with nothing but testing rooms. She tried to push the door open, but could not due to me laying against the door. She ran to my reception area and told my technicians, Dave was in trouble. The technicians came to my office and pushed open the door finding me laying on the floor, blue and unconscious. They began CPR and called a Code Blue. My Cardiac Cath Lab team came running as did the Emergency Crew. They defibrillated me 17 times during the code, continuously doing CPR. Nothing was working. One doc was ready to call it quits when another (who was not suppose to be at the Hospital that morning but decided to stop in the ER) said, “let's open his chest.” The first doc said that opening my chest in a non-sterile area is dangerous. I will always remember what the other told him, "YOU CAN"T KILL A DEAD MAN". He called down to the Operating Room for a Chest Surgeon and an OR Tray. A chest Surgeon came to my office; he did not want to open my chest either. The doc told him, “either you do it or I will.” They brushed off my desk, placed me on my desk, draped my chest with a sterile cloth and opened my chest cavity. The doc stuck his two fingers into my chest cavity and squeezed the heart twice and the heart started beating. That was at 8:00 am. I was gone for 55 minutes. They placed me on a gurney, and he rode on top with his hands in my chest as they took me to the Operating Room. When I awoke in ICU, I was very agitated and a Dr. told me to calm down "You’re living on borrowed time." I was hooked up to all kinds of IVs, Catheters, Heart Pump, Respirator, and they kept me knocked out ‘til Saturday. One of my Departments was EEG. When they ordered the test to be done, none of my staff would do it, they were afraid they would find I was brain dead. The head of the Dept. did the test, finding everything normal. He later told me that was the hardest thing he had ever had to do. We had worked together for over 15 years. Those 55 minutes of death changed my life forever.

EXPERIENCE: I found myself floating about 4 feet off the floor, horizontally. I saw the outline of my body, no features just the outline. From the waist down it was a deep black but from the waist up there was this unbelievable BRIGHT LIGHT, 100 times brighter then the sun but I couldn't stop looking at it. I felt as if I was being held in someone’s arms very close to their chest. I was questioning myself, "AM I DEAD" and before I could finish the thought the answer came from the person holding me, "NO, You're fine." Then I thought "Am I going to be ok?" Again the voice, "You are fine, don't worry." The feeling of laying in these arms was overwhelming: the serenity, the quietness, no worries, no responsibilities, safety, and unbelievable LOVE. It is very hard to explain, but I could not see this being but I felt him, It was like being enveloped with him, as one. There are no words to describe it. Suddenly I began floating back to my body on the floor, heading towards the light in the top part of my body. But I wasn't going back into the body put thru it into this Glorious Light. As I was floating towards the body of light, I saw movement within the light but I couldn't distinguish what it was. Then I began hearing my name being called, it was very annoying, like a bee buzzing around your face. “Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave.” Suddenly I was being thrust upward thru this tunnel, so fast; the sound of my name getting louder and louder. That's when I woke up and saw the ICU Nurse looking down at me. Suddenly all the responsibilities, worries, problems, pain came tumbling down on me like a 100 ton weight. I got very upset, I saw all the machines, wires, tubes, hooked up to my body and I knew what each one was for, they were keeping me alive with machines. That's when I started pulling tubes and anything I could get my hands on to disconnect me from their machines. I felt they CHEATED ME, LET ME GO BACK. I did not want to be in that ICU bed alive, I wanted to go back. That's when they gave me the morphine to keep me out.

When I could write later the next day, I asked the nurse if they were keeping alive with the machines? She said "NO." After getting stabilized, they transferred me to another hospital and did a numerous amount of tests, finding nothing wrong, I was in perfect health. I did not tell anyone of the experience for at least 6 months, thinking they would think I was nuts. I was admitted to the Hospital for cardiomyitis. The doc came to my room, sat down, said nothing, and began watching TV with me. After awhile, he looked at me and asked, "Dave did you experience anything when you were out during the arrest?" I was sort of caught off guard, and looked at him, He said "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." He told me about his experience when he had a heart attack and what he saw. He was the first person I told my story to.

AFTERMATH: I began telling everyone I knew about my NDE. I was on the Oprah Winfrey Show in (Near Death Experiences). I was on Television News Program. I was on two radio shows, Newspapers and Articles. I wrote to Universities to get more information on NDE's. I felt I was the only one and all alone. Who would understand? Who would believe me, other then those that have had one. I read books wanting to learn everything I could.

Before the NDE we had everything, new home, two cars, all the perks of life. My wife was an RN working at the same hospital. I went back to the Hospital for awhile, then left never to return to Medicine again. My priorities had changed. Nothing meant the same anymore. Life was meaningless, all the money, cars, big homes, titles were irrelevant. Within four years I was divorced, had nothing and was living with my parents. I went into major depression. Left my parents, slept in my car, thoughts of suicide. I couldn't understand why I had that experience and then sent back to this world and end up with nothing. From riches to rags. I ended up in a Christian Shelter, began working as a Christian Counselor. I was still trying to understand why me? A client came to my office wanting hear the story about my NDE. I figured maybe it would help him. He was a drug addict at 24 years of age, a really nice person. I told him my story. Afterwards I told him I did not understand what I was suppose to do with my life. I had seen Doctors, Counselors, Clergy, but no one gave me any answers. This 24 year old kid tells me "Dave, maybe this is it: helping others that have nothing." Suddenly a light went on. YES, That's it. I experienced the good times before the NDE and bad times afterwards. I could not help anyone if I have not walked in their shoes. Jesus gave me a chance to help others, but first I had to experience what they went thru and felt. I felt relieved. Now, everything made sense. The next morning that 24 year old was found dead in his bed. He had died from Congestive Heart Failure during the night. To this day I thank HIM for helping me.

MY BELIEFS AFTER THE NDE: I believe that person that was holding me during the NDE was Jesus. I believe that death is not the end, but only the beginning of something more Glorious then we can ever imagine. I do not believe in organized religion. I believe in Spirituality, the belief of Jesus, as it is written, not as it is interpreted by others. I have studied Spiritual Warfare and it is very real. I believe Jesus suffered for us and we need to forgive ourselves of sins because he already has paid the sacrifice for us. I believe we are all children of God. Today I am very happily married and living in Ontario.

PHYSICALLY: I have had two major surgeries on my neck due to the 17 electrical shocks during the arrest. My head kept hitting the floor during the defibrillations. I do have strange things happen electrically, street lights going off as I drive under them, light bulbs glaring brightly in a living room for no reason, my bodies temperature can raise remarkably with biofeedback.

CONCLUSION: I would be very happy to discuss my experience with anyone who is looking for answers. After my NDE I felt very alone. It changed my Life for the better. IT GAVE ME ONE.

PS: I am not sure if I should have mentioned the Doctors names, but they deserve all the credit.

After several years, I just realized this was similar to a NDE, I always saw it as just a “vision” before, because I was healthy at the time.

It was about 1:00 am and I was up feeding my 5 month old baby. It was dark in his room, but the kitchen light was on and the light spilled into his room. I was sitting on the bottom bunk bed (my older son slept on the top and the baby in a crib), leaning against the wall, and bottle-feeding my baby. I want to comment that I always felt an overwhelming sense of love and communion when holding my babies, more profound when breast-feeding, as I'm sure any mother does.

I was sitting there holding him, when suddenly I was shooting through space, or rather my consciousness was, because I was no longer in that room or even aware of it. It was dark, like outer space, and lights were streaming past me. I was racing toward some point in the distance. (Kind of like that star field screensaver, only it happened a couple years before I ever saw that.) At the same, I became ACUTELY aware of the IMMEASURABLE VASTNESS; I KNEW what ETERNITY was. I can't explain the feeling, even after all this time, it still takes my breath away. I never saw other beings, but I felt I wasn't alone. After a few seconds, I was back, still feeding my baby. After the experience, for some reason, still unknown to me, the number 200,000 stuck in my head, as well as the name Deepak Chopra. I had not heard of him at the time, but of course, now I'm familiar with him. I also completely lost my fear of death, which had plagued me all my life. Another interesting thing I can't explain is my sudden interest in physics. I checked out all the books at the library, bought books like Stephen Hawking's A Brief History of Time, etc. The need to learn, it was insatiable. I would get into debates with people about Einstein and different theories on the Universe. I knew this was related to my “vision”, but couldn't figure out why.

In the few years after that, I became very involved in things like meditation. I checked out all the books on it from the library, I joined a meditation group, etc. I became involved in spiritual healing and different spiritual-type things. I gained a passion for the paranormal and people's differing beliefs and have tried to form my own theory on the nature of God and the universe. Like I said before, my interest became insatiable.

In fact, I never really attributed any of this to my experience before, but I have just started reading Full Circle by Barbara Harris and Lionel C. Bascom, and a couple of the experiences in it (namely Tom Sawyer's), just came out and slapped me. I'm still as affected and fascinated as ever, and even more curious as to what happened to me. How can a healthy person spontaneously have a NDE?

I was living in a really small Farming Town, "VERY" happy with My Domestic Partner. I went to My (O. B. G. Y. N. ) (MD). He found a Tumor on My Left Ovary, He then sent me to a Specialist (he said she was!). She was not a good Doctor! I was operated on Within Two Weeks time. I had Ovarian Cancer. When this Doctor went in my Body she took "EVERYTHING" Female. Everything that make Us "Females"! The Pathology report said she (Meaning the specialist) did Unnecessary Surgical removal of incredible Right Ovary, Cervix, Uterus. What was to be 1-1/2 hrs of Surgery became 13-1/2 hrs of repair work by a Oncology Team, as well as Urology Team. She sliced my Bladder in "Three" places.

While I was out, I was brought to a Field I played in when I was a child. The first person I saw (?), Was my Sister in-Law, Who by the way, was also My Lifetime Best Friend. Rita was her name. I had felt really bad for not attending her Memorial. She had asked me "NOT' to see her sick; she knew she was very sick. She said “it’s going to be OK, Beth!” She was lonely for her Husband (My Brother). Our last time together on Earth, She said she was all ALONE when everyone left to go to their Own Homes & Lives (HER CHILDREN & GRANDCHILDREN). Death didn’t scare her Anymore; she was tired. We watched her favorite TV show. We spoke of our childhoods, how she married her BEST FRIEND’S BROTHER! When she was diagnosed with 2-3 months to live (Aug., she died in Sept of Cancer). I was going through a "Very" bad Divorce, standing to loose EVERYTHING if I left the State for the Funeral, or Anywhere for that matter. When I went to the OTHER-SIDE, there she was in 'HUMAN' form. I didn’t Question it then. My Brother was with her, but in the Background, he Waved to Me. Rita said "Thank You" for Keeping My Promise. WE had a good time, didn’t we! It’s My Children’s problem, Their choice to be Angry at you for not Attending. (This was the first NDE that day.)

(Second NDE I went to a place with a man called MOHAMMAD. He Talked & Walked with me. I heard everything through thoughts(?) I questioned if it was Drugs or the Anesthesia affects. When I was in my room (after recovery), My Sister was in the room. The Urology Team, A doctor, was at the foot of My Bed (I thought it was a MD.) His name was Mohammad? My Sister said there wasn’t a doctor by that name in the room. I’ll never forget his Beauty: His eyes, they were Crystal Blue. The Peace he gave me was awesome! He said “you are going to be fine! You have work to do.” I was told, while he was teaching me, that life is about choices given to us by GOD! We also have Free-Will, temptations of Demons cast upon the earth long ago? The Battle hasn’t Happened YET! Its going on now! When Lucifer is cast to Earth, people will believe it is the second Coming of Jesus! Very few will know it’s the Evil One? We are judged on the good we do, as well as the not so good! I was shown that we choose IF we go through the light. Our deeds here, 'Right NOW! If we caused harm, if we lived greedy, if we didn’t share the wealth (pay it forward), We would forever see it on a movie screen, over & over again, until you learned WHY? You were like this on Earth? Whatever we do to others, we will have to face on the Other-Side. I was told it’s not GOD’S fault for Humanity’s Hate-for One Another, Our Anger, War. When we use killing as a Human means to Judge. Those persons responsible for the Deaths will be accountable. I was told we only have Ten Laws of the Land We have to live by? Moses were given these Laws long ago; [did] People forget their meanings? When a man makes 100.00 he should not pay 150.00 for rent. Mohammad told me I had to "Pay it Forward"; I do. I will give my last dollar to someone else. When the IRS gets to the Other-Side, they will all be judged accordingly to their Greed? When the Pope speaks of being God-like, he is taking the Lord name in vain. What has he done for his children during the Molestation Cases? He speaks of Abortion: it’s against God’s law. What about facing his Flock about what the church is doing to the men that have caused so much pain? He sent them along to another Parish to Re-offend. I was given a task? I have to feed the people of the south Smokey mts. Appalachia - the children that are in Our Country (USA) that are STARVING!

I would like to speak with someone that will write what I have learned down? It vital and necessary! Thank you!

My experience is bit different than other NDE's. I was not physically dying, thinking about committing suicide, on drugs or anything, but I had the following experience:

I was resting in bed with my eyes closed. My mind wanders, and at some point, I started to see images of streaming light filaments in front of me. I felt I was traveling very fast in darkness (almost like a tunnel). Then I abruptly came to an opening. There in front of me was a huge white glow. It was massive in size, as I could only observe its size from a very far distance. At the very moment I experienced the Light, I knew what it was. It was pure, non-judgmental and loving. I felt blissful and so lovely accepted. Tremendous knowledge was given to me, yet it was not the sort of knowledge you gain from reading books. Maybe, it is call Enlightenment or meeting with God, I don't know. I was so amazed.

From that, I somehow drifted out of the experience and became very conscious of what had just happened. Note, I do not feel I was asleep during the experience; I was simply in another state of mind. You will see when I tell you what happened next. Anyway, I got up from the bed so elated that I immediately called my best friend. I told him the story, but he did not understand. I calmed down a bit and went back to my bedroom to rest again. I closed my eyes, and at some point I thought, "What is beyond the Light?” I was not asleep or dreaming, but I started to see the streaming filaments of light again. I ascended towards this massive Light. I tried to perceive what was beyond the Light, but the answer came to me at that moment. There was no limit or boundaries. Love is infinite. I was quite unprepared for this answer, I think.

I drifted out of the experience again. This time I remember feeling so humbled and grateful to be given this gift. I was not wanting more, as I was very content. I did know at that time (and I don't know why), that I would have other experiences in the future. This turned out to be true. From time to time, I do experience a presence from that first encounter. And still today, I feel I they will occur again when the time is right. I can explain in more detail in another letter.

From the experiences, I was never the same again. I realize that we are part of that Light. We are capable of many wonderful things if we just follow our hearts, learn to give unconditionally, and except the human weakness in us. It's so unfortunate and sad that our society is so driven by money, power and selfishness. I wish . .. .

The Sting

My brother and I took a trip out of state to fix my sister’s roof. my mom was already there. It took about four hours to get there. As soon as we did, we just jumped up on the roof and started working. Well we stripped the roof and uncovered a wasp nest. Of course, 20 minutes later I turned my back on the nest and one flew into my shirt and stung me on the back. it was no big deal. I was stung plenty of times before by bees. So I just asked my nephew to tell grandma to get a potatoe to take out the stinger.

A few minutes later I felt the sharp pains again. And I was like come on Randy (my bro), you got to get the stinger out, So he opened my shirt and said “wholly cow its a wasp and he is still on you pumping you up.” So he got it off me, but still I was like no big deal, lets keep working. The pain will go away you know: the tough guy routine. Well in another two minutes, I was feeling funny and hot and tired. I sat down just as my mom came out. she said I better come down. well I finally made it in to the house and fell on the couch. I felt my heart pounding so hard and hurt so bad. I was scared and I knew I was going to die. It was a heart attack if I ever felt one. things started to slip away, I couldn’t open my mouth; I was all locked up. I could open my chest to breath. I saw the fear in my mom’s eyes and my sister as she walked in the room,

I felt as if I could only talk with my eyes. As I thought, “please just get me the phone. I need to tell my wife and daughters good bye. Please, that is all there is time for. I know it. please get ‘em on the phone, now.” My sister went in the kitchen as I concentrated on her the most. I heard her call the ambulance instead. at that second. I gave in, it was too late. she didn’t call, and I was not going to get to say good bye to my love. It was really a sad moment as I felt myself slipping away.

Next thing, I am somewhere in this lighted place. There was this most supreme feeling about in front of me, and it wasn’t just singular, there was a few. I could sense it, like my head was bowed down. I couldn’t quite see, but as the focus came in there. they were three of them, three lights in the forms of circles, one bigger in the middle, and two smaller on the sides. I felt great pressure, as if I were on a trial or something. I was still me though, no body, nothing of me. but it was me with all the mind of me. At that moment, I knew I was what they called dead to the world, but not to the light. Then it was like my focus moved to the light on the left side. I was able to hear her talking to me. Yes, that one spoke to me and said “everything is alright now. you have done a great job of telling them about Jesus.” it was alright now that I may stay, and come in, as if she was signaling me with her right hand to go that way into the light now. but a super rush of conscience came into me. all of a sudden I had a panic feeling with in my soul. I became abrupt with the light. I was scared, and felt like I had to plead my case. this is the following of what I spoke to the light: “no I can’t. , I can’t not now. I got to go back. I got to go back now. I got to back now, because if I don’t go back, I don’t think that there is anybody else down there that loves everybody enough to want to save them all like I do, and I mean all of them.” I almost didn’t know where this came from but it was in me. that would be the last moment in the light.

i then felt myself falling down, as I came back just above my body. I could see the room and my body, not clearly though because there was an unusual amount of paramedics over my body, like something bad was really happening down there with me. but I couldn’t feel anything. then I looked and seen my sister standing behind the paramedics just screaming and crying. I could see her eyes, and her face was red, and the tears were streaming from her eyes. they were like red eyes at that point. then to her left, was her daughter, just looking like “what is going on.” She was afraid only because she was seeing everyone else losing it. The “I” entered my body, like I fell down into it at the same time as like sitting up inside myself, up in my head. Then I could feel the life coursing back into my body, every vein, every cell. It burned, my whole body just burned and it hurt. I was feeling again. Yet just before, I had absolutely no pain. Then slowly I could hear the room and everybody was screaming for me to “Come back. Come on, just take a breath.” I couldn’t; my lungs were collapsed. I couldn’t open them up. I had no strength to do so. I felt slipping away again. Then I tried again. I can hear them now again, “Just one more breath. come on.” Ok, I will. They got this mask on me, and it is blowing air into me, but it is not enough. I need more; “won’t some please take this off my face and just blow up my lungs? just once, please, I need help.” this is what was going on in my head, I tried to take it away and talk, and everyone in the room was just like shouting for joy. but I still need help, don’t celebrate yet. I can’t breath. then it hit me. I got my wind. and now I am a little embarrassed and asked to go to the bathroom. they said don’t worry, we got to take you in. well, when I came back, I had wet my self and defecated, too. I didn’t know when that happened, but it must of happened when I was out. Then they tried to move me to the bed from the gurney and all of a sudden I just leaped on to it myself. All the people just jumped back as if they seen a ghost. I was like “what’s a matter man?” I am alive. I was so pumped up to be alive. They were like “you got a lot of strength for having an anaphylactic shock and being dead just a few moments ago.” I was confused a bit, and then silent remembering what just happened. I fell asleep. when I woke up in the hospital, my sister was there, kind of massaging my head and staring at me, rubbing a tattoo on the side of my head. The first thing she said (because she never seen this tattoo before), “What does this mean?” It is of a cross with the words (mi jaman god) inside of it. I got it because I always believed so hard in Jesus. All I could do was start crying, because that was all about, what just happened and where I came back from, life after death, for real, forever.

And now my search for some missing pieces and I am finding them all. All the things about the bible has been my insatiable urge. There is something else there in all the words, between the lines, as if I can now figure out what prophets were talking about, other than the obvious. I heard of a bible code. I read those books. They brief it, but they are so far away from the right interpretations, the places, the people, the concepts they were trying to pass. It starts in the beginning and they all continue it through out. Only the priests of today are misinterpreting it for the power over the people. They themselves are blind guides, now leading the people wrong. But I can't be mad at them. I know and found out and can understand the why's, why it all happened this way. Better yet, well the best yet is I know… this whole thing happened so I would be led to it.

What was being hid by the sons of light, you get it now. They all knew how it was going to turn out. They knew how the people were going to turn the scriptures around for their own sick pleasures of control - locking up the gate to heaven -- and they themselves won’t enter. They knew more than the ones with greed. They knew these things would surface in the future, so they buried them in the words until a time came when one could figure them out. Why is this happening to me, I ask. Why I am figuring them out, on this quest to go back to god, like my nde. I felt I was the only one who loved them all enough to want to save them all. Let’s just say my first trip to Isreal, they said I was crazy, and would get in to the temple because of the al fatah. But he said I was going. I did. I had the faith (how could I not). Everyone here tried to talk me out of it or scare me away from it. They thought I was crazy. When I got to Isreal, I told them; they thought I was crazy.

It is a whole other story, but on the last of a fourteen day trip, on the last hours, the spirit entered the guards at the gate. I was permitted to enter after two days of being refused, denied and made fun of by the Isreali army and the Palestinian army. Abu was my guide, and he couldn’t believe I did it either, and he was right there by my side. I got a picture walking out of the temple on the peak of Mount Mariah, by this boy out of nowhere. The last non-Muslim to walk in the temple mount was Ariel Sharon until the moment I entered. It was nothing short of a miracle from God. And my life just keeps getting deeper into the mind now. The scriptures are still leading me everyday to the answers of what I am to do. It is as if the book was written in a way for me, to jog my memory to remember where I put something. And now I remember where it is and how to get to it. But I am waiting for the time to be told to me, the right time. I know the season; I know the day. I know why it is like now I am being prepped with knowledge of the lord for that day. I can’t tell you everything though, and I am sorry for that. But it will be soon. Of course, if you believe, you will have nothing to worry about. It is all about the love… a love I have for everyone. I can feel so many peoples pain. I feel groups of pain. it is like I feel the compassion for them all: they have all been led astray kind of compassion. I hurt inside so much when I see others pain. It drives me to find the cure. the crying, the abuse towards the daughters of the world, how they mislead them into being they way they are. It is scary how far we've gone away from his path. We have taken it all for granted all of us. But the only way to do it, to fix it, is for all of us to do it together. It won’t happen any other way,

We all have the pieces to the puzzle so to say. Every piece we kill, we lose and fall a little more, until we pick them back up. The children, they are the princes to the throne. All of us are the children; all of us are the children of the light, and no one is going to be left behind. You know how I know this? I feel it. I am it. I have compassion right down to the last murderer, thief, psycho, freak, crippled, lost soul. Thus like the Lord has spoke to me, “If you believe in me, not one of my sheep will be lost. it is my shepherds now who are lost, and they need the love brought back into the light.”

There is so much that burns bright inside my head. I don’t want to distract from your study of the light experience, but I could go one for days without even getting tired of trying to explain to someone how to believe it is all true. But then I know what it is that will set it all off. All I can say now is, if anyone at all reads this, I hope it is understandable. My thoughts fly like my compassion, with a fire under my ••• almost like desperation, but its not. It's patience that needs practice. I really do love you, whoever reads this. it is all true. I have nothing to lie about. I only have everything to share with you. I know though, one day I will prove what I have found. Because I guess it is the only way to make the world see that the Bible is not just any old story about being good. It was written by those too who have seen the light. Read it again and then you people who have seen the light, remember how you had a hard time using words to describe the sight you seen. Now read again: the callings of the Moses, Abraham, Jacob, the prophets, Isaiah, Jesus, Mohamed, and you see for yourself how they describe their callings from the light. Maybe it was just for me because they all had a description of a threesome of something, allll oofff themmm, one bigger in the middle with two on the sides. You see, I never picked up on it until it happened to me. But I cried so hard as I read every one of them again for the umpteenth time, the apostles too!

Come on, wake up. Moses describes it as a burning bush and all the Isrealites seen it. it was their calling, and it is yours, too – ours, too. We need to fix the garden. It has everything we need. It has enough love for all, if we would only share it all. The writings of John (a hidden buried reading from John, that the churches would think it was part of their scriptures): he describes himself crying so hard at the moment they were killing Jesus. As John was sitting in the garden of Gethsemene, he had a vision of light. Within the light, he seen three forms within the light. As they spoke to him. (This would put the spiritual resurrection only moments after the death of Jesus, not three days, not the dogma stuff. This is that why it was buried and not accepted as part of the cannon of the church.) I never knew any of this writing taking place until I got to Isreal on that trip. It was as if I was being led to that information, just like I was led here to this site to share the whole thing, my knowledge, my love. Sometimes I think I believe in Jesus more than anyone, because the picture I am uncovering is much more beautiful and full of love than I could ever have imagined. You can absolutely say, I now read more by the light than by the darkness of power gluttons. I see clearly now. And I know as soon as try to put these things out, they will try to take me out again. it is bad news for all those in their lost world of money power. That is why Jesus said it would be harder for one who is rich to get into heaven. That is why the apostles were told to give what he gave without price because you had received it with out price.

Ok, I’m sorry I keep going, but only for now,

As now, I write and tell everyone, “Until later, my friend," because I no longer believe in goodbyes either. It seems so morbid, because I know now there is no death. I will see you later, with all my love forever!

I am even crying now just as I cried with every story of the other NDEr's. I only hope if you have done the same, you have felt the same warmth in mine and cried out of happiness and renewed confidence in life, in love and in God. It is like my shield has been rebuilt and the fear is no way going to take these things away!!!!!!!!!

You know when you break down the light, you see it then becomes the vibration of beautiful music waves of light. Isn’t that what scientists took so long to figure out, it is all vibes (vibrations) OK OK OK. till later

It happened on a slick road. After leaving a high school musical with my mom, I slid off the road and hit a tree. I was in a coma for 12 days and "out of it" for a month or so. I was in hospitals for two months, with people visiting daily. I was told after I got out that word got out about my wreck, and people all over the U.S., as well as a day in Australia, were praying continuously for me. I did not see any light or dead relatives, but my experience was life-changing non-the-less. After I "woke up" broken relationships began to heal. Both sides realized that we don't have all the time in the world to make things right.

I also have seen first hand the power of God. I have to be careful saying this, because I know that God does not heal all sickness. This is one reason I stopped believing years ago when a close friend's mom died of cancer, despite all of the praying we were doing. Because of this, I am now learning that god can not be "put in a box," or to do all the time what is expected. I am learning to be able to accept that God is doing something that will eventually work out for good, no matter how it looks from my eyes. Knowing this does not take all of my (now humorously small) problems away. They are still here. The faith I have now reminds me that, “In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28 NIV).

I indicated that my NDE was accidental. I was at a party and was drugged. I remember sitting on the steps of the house, thinking I was dying and how embarrassed I was. I wanted to go hide in the bushes, but could not move. I had a fleeting thought that everyone was dying and felt sort of relieved. Finally I realized that it was just me, and relaxed to the fact that I had no control. The last memory was of a friend saying, "Are you okay"? Then I fell over into a flower garden.

The first images are really tough to describe. In my mind, I saw reality dissolve into nothingness. I was seeing the neighborhood, houses, cars, road, trees, disappearing. I was told/shown that life was a school and that we were all students. I remember having the feeling of, oh yeah, how could I have forgotten, of course, it all made so much sense.

I remember recognizing that everything I was doing, my job, my relationships, my projects, were all so petty and useless, and that I should be doing more with my life. I knew that I should be doing something more with my life.

The next thing I recall was being in this transparent tunnel of light. Transparent like a bubble. It was maybe 6 to 10 feet across. I remember seeing that movie, “Contact” with Jodie Foster, after the incident, and saying, that's it! It is the closest thing I have ever seen to describe it. You could see planets and the tunnel or tube had slow curves.

The disturbing part of this experience was the lack of control. I had no idea were the hell I was going and did not like the feeling. I felt like a piece of a puzzle that was being moved somewhere with intentional purpose. I was not worried for my safety or anything, I just did not like the feeling of restraint. I had no choice in the matter. I was moving somewhere fast and it was not my decision.

I realized that I had no body and no eyes, but I could still see. How interesting. So my discomfort at not being in control was mixed with awe at what I was seeing. On a side note, you might consider doing a study to see if NDE's are a result of accidental deaths. Although I'm not sure if there really is such a thing as an accident anymore.

When I finally awoke and was able to speak, three hours later, I said, "I just died.” I have a lot of atheist friends who insisted I just had a bad trip, but I was not convinced. What convinced me that my experience was real was a phone call from my mother who lives in HI. She said she had had been worried about me and was calling to see if I was okay. I said of course. She then told me that she had had a dream about being at my funeral, and was so disturbed that she woke up and said to her husband, "Dannie just died.” She asked me what I was doing on the night of...” My heart raced as I walked around the kitchen with the phone to my ear searching for a calendar. It was the same day and we calculated the time exactly. She had a dream about my death at the same instant that I was having my NDE!

Since my NDE I have jumped right back to the daily grinds of life. It's pretty hard not to, what with it in your face every day. It's a great illusion, almost a dream, except the illusion is real.

Although the realization that this world we live in is a school has had no impact on my concerns for the environment, and I am still outspoken and very passionate about social issues. I guess I do feel a bit more aware of the things around me and not so focused on myself. I certainly have lost all fear of death. And although I am not for certain I will see my relatives as others have, I know without doubt that this is not an end. Not sure if it's the beginning, but it most certainly is not the end.

I had four brain operations; they were trying to find a tumor. This was before the CAT Scans, etc., were available in the UK. They used probes etc. Finally they found it and removed it. I lost all sensations: could not talk, walk, do anything for a long time. I spent about 10 days in the intense care section, during which I had stigmata (bleeding palms, line of thorn marks across forehead, etc.). I was then moved to main neuro ward. After about a week on this ward, I had an arrest.

I was in a strange sort of funnel. Looking down it narrowed to a point, where there was bright lights, etc. Looking up it went wider and wider to a clear sky, slightly cloudy. I was just standing there, in mid-air, sort of hovering, about in the middle. When I looked up again, there was a large rectangular shape falling towards me. Even now, I always think of it as a huge block of green fairy soap, slowly turning as it fell, tumbling over and over. I suddenly realized by the time it got to me, it would be filling the tunnel, and I'd only be able to go downwards towards the light. I knew somehow that the light was OK, but also that there was more adventure if I went the other way (upwards). I felt myself slowly rising, keeping to the side. And as the huge block passed almost touching me... (Don’t recall anything else.)

Notes; I have heard voices sometimes. Following my recovery in 1974, I went to this very hospital to work, and stayed 10 years. Finally I got a great promotion and this I accepted. And as I left the office, this voice said, "This is not for you." Instinctively I swore at the voice, and told the person where to go in no uncertain terms, for hadn’t I worked hard for this promotion. Within a few weeks, I collapsed. A 2nd tumor diagnosed. I was pushed into early retirement, being told that I probably had only around 2 years to live (1984). So, why am I here now in 2004? I often feel I am being punished for swearing at God or whoever. The last time I attempted to get signed off as "well" and get a job, I had a mysterious sudden heart attack (1998), which put paid to that! And shortly after the voice said, "You will wait", so I wait (with great frustration).

I was 15 years old and my best girl friend, Sandy and I were talking on the phone. I had wanted to go for a drive in the country. We lived in Maine and the land was so beautiful. One of my favorite things was to just go for a long ride in a car. I was learning to drive at the time and it was just great to be in a car. She suggested that her boyfriend, Jerry, could take me out for a ride. He called and said he would meet me and we could go for a long ride in the country. I was so excited! He picked me up and we started on the ride. It started snowing quite heavily, but the snowflakes were so big and beautiful, I was very excited. As we were driving through the twisting and turning roads, up and down hills, it was beautiful. Then Jerry turned onto a side road, that was very narrow and fully tree lined. I told him I wanted to go home and he told me that this is a very beautiful place, for me to just wait and see. Being young and naive, I sat and waited for this beautiful place. He pulled into a dead end and then he offered me some beer. I did not want any. He kept insisting in a nice way, and I had a sip. Then he moved close to me and put his arm around me. I told him not to touch me, that he was Sandy's boyfriend, and I am not interested, and told him to take me home right now. I gave him back his beer and insisted that we leave. He grabbed me and tried to kiss me and I pushed him away. He grabbed my shirt and pulled at it, and I pushed him away. He grabbed my skirt and lifted it up and grabbed my panties and pulled them off, as I was hitting him and screaming and punching him and trying to bite him. Next thing I knew he had his hands around my throat and was strangling me. I tried to get his hands off my throat, and kept hitting him and struggling trying to get out of the car. The doors were locked and I could not get out. The next thing I know everything went dark.

I then saw a bright white light over my head, like there was no ceiling in the car, just white light. I saw my life flash before me. It was like it was in slow motion, but yet it was going full speed. I saw so much, people, events; I can't even find the words of how to describe it. I then saw this circle of people around me, there were so many. Some I recognized and some I did not. A man's face became very large, as if he had stepped closer to me. He had dark hair with fine features and looked around 30 years old to me. I heard him say to me that when I go back not to fight or struggle with him, just do what ever he wants. It is not worth dying for. The next thing I remember was seeing Jerry's face, and I told him to do what ever he wanted and I just laid there and I did not move. He stopped strangling me and continued to assault me. He then drove me home. I did not understand all that happened to me. I have since had a few dreams that are prophetic, just little things, nothing big. I have seen ghosts and spirits. My life has changed very slowly over the years; many things have happened that I can not totally explain. I saw a chiropractor when I was 36 years old and had an x-ray taken. On the x-ray, he saw something, and he asked me if I had suffered any severe trauma to my throat and neck area. That really startled me, and I remembered. I told him that I was sexually assaulted and strangled when I was 15. He told me that I have arthritis in my throat caused by severe trauma, but he said that it should not cause me any problems.

I went into the hospital due to having some chest pain, and pain in my left arm. The doctor requested that I have a stress test done. He found something abnormal on the right side of my heart. He then requested that I have a heart catheter done. So as I was having that procedure done, with the doctor going through my arteries, he discovered that I had a fifth artery. He took the thin scope through that artery. At that point, I felt a little pain. Then I saw the doctor hitting my chest. I saw him take the paddles to my chest four times. I was standing there a couple of feet off the ground as they were working on me. I saw this bright light. Then I saw this beautiful face; it was bright as the clouds. And then I saw my Mom, who is deceased. Then I heard a firm but pleasant voice to go back. I saw the nurse in my face, screaming at me to breathe. And like a swoosh; I was back in my body taking in a deep breath. But I just feel like I was sent back for a purpose, and I don’t know what really that purpose is yet. But maybe someday I will find out.

I was being treated in hospital for a "chemical imbalance" after the birth of my first child. After having serious marriage problems, I stopped sleeping much and was way too "up.” About ten days after the birth, I entered the hospital. After initial assessment, they decided I needed to sleep. I was walking down the hall of the hospital with my mom when the nurse approached with the medication. I took the pills and immediately felt the wild symptoms. I knew that I had to find my bed, and called out to my mom to take me there. My eyes were rolling up and my tongue felt like it was choking me. I groped to my bed and fell unconscious face down.

I immediately left my body, traveling so fast within this amazing comforting all-encompassing light (words cannot describe this feeling). I arrived at a place where a being (guide) held my hand while different parts of my life played out before me like a movie. However, everything was from inside of the person I was with at the time. How they felt when I looked at them, talked to them... It was a huge shock. I became full of knowledge that was like a burden to me. I still have to stop myself from telling people about themselves and their behavior, even today. Anyway, next came more like a tunnel at the end of which was a group of my family waiting for me in a garden. Far in the distance, I could see many things like a beautiful city or large palace. It was strange because it didn't look like it was on land. Maybe an island or something. In between was a small river; it was amazingly beautiful. Things smelled wonderful. (Words are not powerful enough to describe these sights.) There was music softly playing but no musicians. Everything was in its natural form. No technology…

My great-grandmother was the strongest presence there (and in life as well; I knew her until I was 14). Ad she broke into my amazed reverence and said point blank, "You cannot stay here.” I argued. I pleaded. She forced me to look down and all of a sudden, I was in the hospital watching the doctor from a height of about 15-20 feet or so. The ceilings were only average height, so I was looking through the floor!!!! My mom was on the side of the bed near the door, and the nurse was on the other side. The doctor was right on the bed on top of me giving me a needle (adrenalin) into my neck. He was shouting at me, "Shawna, don't forget to breath" My mother was crying hard and holding onto the wall for support. I heard a voice in my head "You have a choice, will you leave your mother and your baby behind?" The very next moment, I took a breath and opened my eyes, smiled at the doctor and said, “What are you so worried? About I am fine.” Then I sat up. He freaked out. He pushed me back down and shouted at me to lay still. I tried to reassure him. I told him I saw what he did and that I went someplace wonderful. All he said was "I'm so glad you came back.”

Some of this story is what my sister related to me months after the incident. The reason for this is I remember nothing. Most of the day was hazy, especially just before I had the cardiac arrest. When I was 22 years old, I was living with my sister. Every Monday night she played beach volleyball, and on occasion, I fill in for a missing player. A vivid image of what I do remember is one of my sister’s friends stretching her legs. I do remember playing volleyball, but do not recall much. One minute I was playing volleyball, the next thing I knew I woke up in hospital. The unusual thing about waking up in the hospital was that it felt RIGHT. It felt that this was where I was supposed to be (although I have no recollection of anything that happened that could have led me there).

I was sedated for two days and in those two days, I felt that I was living in a dreamland, coming in and out of consciousness. Two years later, I did a first aid course, and in this course they taught us how to specific way to roll a person over on their side. We practiced it on a partner, and then they practiced on me. When I was practiced upon, I definitely remembered being rolled exactly that way before. I knew straight away that it was from when I had my cardiac arrest. Deju vu. I did not have this memory prior to this first aid course.

When I was in hospital, I remember my mother shaving my face. But my mother was supposed to be 1600 km away. I do not recall asking what happened, but my mother tells me I kept asking everyone what happened. So when I woke up, I didn't ask any questions because I knew the answers. I just couldn't remember ever asking anyone anything. This is probably because of all the drugs I was given.

While I was recovering in hospital, the ambulance drivers came in to see me. They told me to buy a lottery ticket and said that the chance for an out-of-hospital cardiac arrest survival was one in a thousand. On top of that, if it happened six months earlier, I wouldn't have made it to the hospital. Back then, ambulances did not have defibrillators. My thanks go to millionaire KERRY PACKER, who suffered something similar and therefore donated the money for defibrillators to be installed in ambulances.

I do not know how to word this next part but I will do my best.

When I read a book, just before I flip the page, I generally know what the next two or three words are. Also, I often say things at exactly the same time as other people (jinx). We watched a home video of my sister Anna and her boyfriend Jim of their holidays together. In a part of the video, Jim made an obscure comment on what I can't remember. But I do recall saying the exact same comment at the exact same time as he said it on camera while we were watching. Maybe I think the same way Jim does, or maybe it's psychic phenomena.

Now I am a 27 year old man, who was born with a hole in my heart. I have always had chest pain (which is why I thought chest pain was normal), and now I have had an Inserted Cardiac Defibrillator (ICD, type of pacemaker) for five years. My doctor wants me to have spinal surgery to remove some discs. He also said, if I do not have them removed, I could be a paraplegic in a few years time.

They tell me that I'm a very lucky man to still be alive. Sometimes I think that I am just unlucky not to be dead. They say you are still here because you have some unfinished business. But they never talk about the pain that comes with living.

I got this website from watching the movie “Final Destination 2”.