These NDE accounts were submitted to our website and are published here anonymously. Minor edits have been made to protect the identity of the experiencer and others who may have been involved with the experience. Note to researchers and authors: IANDS cannot grant permission to publish quotations from these NDE accounts because we have not received permission from the NDE authors to do so. However, we advise authors who wish to use quotations from these accounts to follow the Fair Use Doctrine. See our Copyright Policy for more information. We recommend adopting this practice for quotations from our web site before you have written your book or article.
It was September 6, 2007, I left choir rehearsal for a long drive home. I had worked a 10-hour day, and was glad to go home. While driving down the avenue east, traffic was traveling at a normal pace. All of a sudden, I heard a loud crash. I looked around to see the crash, who and where it was. I didn't realize it was me until I tried to move my left arm unsuccessfully. A van had hit my car.
I had always believed that there is a scientific explanation for any "odd" experiences people have. I always knew it was just people's beliefs making these things happen. I had always considered myself sensible enough to know that there is a reasonable explanation for anything until I went into the hospital for a routine operation and had an out-of-body experience. It was the most frightening, perplexing and amazing thing that has ever happened to me.
By Anonymous on Friday, December 5, 2003 - 08:22 am:
My experience came to me in a dream at the age of 12. I am now 35. Writing about this has been difficult over the years. Mainly because my experience was so "out of this world" extraordinary. I've always said that there are not enough words to describe the feeling of pure unconditional love and knowledge. And although my experience was not a result of a clinical death or trauma, I clearly identify with those who have traveled to the World of Light and Love, a place I like to call "HOME".
My dream begins in a Department Store. I am walking with school friends when suddenly I become dizzy and disoriented. I fall to the floor. The next thing I remember is looking down upon my body. I clearly see my face, then glance over to see and hear a sales clerk scream "call an ambulance!" As I slowly ascend towards the ceiling, I see people rushing over from the rows of clothing to observe the commotion. Then a bright flash of white light takes me instantly to my bedroom closet at home.
I am in my bedroom closet, looking out into my room. My parents are sitting on my bed, packing my things, when my Mom begins to cry. I wanted so desperately to reach out to her and tell that I am okay. I knew I was in my spirit body because they didn't know I was there. After watching them for a while I decided to say goodbye.
Another flash of light instantly takes me to my school. I am sitting on the bleachers of my gymnasium watching my class play battleball :o). As I sat there I remember wanting to share this with them and to tell them that I was okay.
Another flash of light comes, only this time it felt like the Light consumed me. Here I was, surrounded by the most magnificent white light. A light that radiated beauty and everything good. Unlike sunlight, this light was comforting and soothing. It was the most profound plane of existence known only to those who have witnessed it themselves. I was then greeted by a group of spiritual beings with whom I instantly recognized as those I had known in other lifetimes, or from HOME. Probably because nobody close to me had died in my 12 years of life. I was overjoyed to be reunited with them and a little surprised. Like giving a puppy to a child, I was happy, relieved and never felt so loved.
At this point, my experience becomes a little vague. I feel like a part of my memory was blocked. But the next thing I knew I was being taken by my group to meet someone very important. I remember an enormous rush of energy and suddenly I was in the presence of The Divine One. To describe it in a physical sense, I remember falling to one knee and bowing my head. This being of Light spoke to me and explained that it was not yet my time and that I must go back. A feather soft motion of love passed through me as he gently touched the top of my head, waking me, back in my bed.
I must have laid there for what seemed to be hours, basking in the feeling of the love and light. I'll never forget how beautiful it was. Today, in deep meditation, I can still partially feel it, although it has faded over the years. Being adopted and never knowing my biological family, I am relieved to know that I have an extended spiritual family who await my return HOME.
Since this experience, I have had a number of bizarre coincidences and an out of body experience while in the recovery room after minor surgery. But nothing in my life thus far compares to the gift I was given at the age of 12. It has carried me through some difficult times and blessed me with the knowledge that life does exist after death. Unlike other stories I have read, my experience was not in any way religious in context. The love I have seen knows no boundary or separation in belief or culture. We are all descendants of the One Great Love.
By Anonymous on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 03:33 pm:
Well I'm not sure. Leading up to it people kept coming back into my life. Friends from 20 years ago, friends I'd lost touch with 10 years ago, an ex-fiancée from a few years ago. I told friends (caring for pets while I was away, and others) that I might die soon. I seriously thought, if this guy or this guy contact me soon, that's it the circle will be complete and I'll know for sure my time is up. So I started leaving ad hoc wills whenever I went away to ensure my pets would be cared for. I seriously thought I may not come home again every time I left. Plane accident just seemed like the likeliest event to take me out. I wasn't nervous, just prepared.
I got sick prior to a trip, but I wasn't aware of it. On the two day trip, the second day I was very ill, a Tuesday, flew home because I didn't think it was contagious: no respiratory distress. The next few days were horrible, to the point of minor delirium, but I always just thought I'd get better tomorrow, so just wait and see. I saw very ugly images whenever I closed my eyes; I hardly slept. I now attribute this to dehydration, but I'm not sure. Images were, pulsing naked chicken carcasses, backs, all connected. My heart? Yellow eyed creatures. My liver?
After I blacked out on the fourth day, Friday, I called emergency from the floor where I lay after crawling to the phone, I called my friends to care for my pets. I was very sick and concerned about what was happening to me, but never afraid. I felt in very good hands with the medics, I remember clearly up until I was intubated, although I was in and out of consciousness. They gave a drug that inhibits memory, so I am foggy about the time up until I was feeling better. Well, at least until I "came to" myself. I was conscious but have little memory of most of the really rough spots. My family and best friends all gathered as I was not supposed to live. I was joking wit them in the emergency room, by writing notes. Dyslexia comes out more under stress! I was medi-vaced to Ottawa and apparently flat-lined on the plane while I was being loaded. They wanted to give me a heart pump to prepare me for a transplant, but my liver was too distressed. I told one friend I did not want a transplant. On Tuesday, when I "came to", I rapidly made progress. I could feel the support coming into me from all over! I felt very safe. I kept getting better, my friends taking time massaging me certainly helped. I flew home the following Monday, then stayed in a hospital for an additional 4 days. Weak but high spirited.
At the time I couldn't really process everything, and allowed myself to not think about it at all. Sometimes I was a little overwhelmed.
Reading some of your aftereffects listed, I have almost all of them. Did I have a near death experience, I'm not sure? Can you tell me if there is a way to go back and try and recall the time I was under the influence of the drug that inhibited my memory? I'd like to know what happened, if anything significant. I feel more in touch with everything now. I already possessed this trait, nurtured through years of hard experience. I also started to feel directed. I was continually being given clues by seemingly coincidental methods. I did have a question in my head. "Ok, now I'm still here, but I need to know what direction to go in. I have SOOO many interests and desires. Which should I concentrate on?” And these coincidences seemed to make things much clearer. If it were happening to a complete skeptic, they would have to stop and take notice; this is how clear the episodes were. I have no idea what to attribute it to. Am I more psychic? I'm not sure. I am certainly more in tune with my dyslexia and learned more about it. What was once an after thought of “maybe I am,” is now a “you absolutely are but you've worked through most problems it's caused.” My IQ tests are very positive, although they are just web based ones. I feel like writing more, drawing more, my interest in art has tripled at least. I am seeking changes in my employment to be more fulfilled and use my natural talents more. I am exercising regularly and plan on continuing to do so. I certainly am more positive and more complete than I have in years. So was it something that came out of a NDE, or simply a maturing effect of trauma? I sure know I'm loved and cared about by more people than I ever realized. Anyway... that's my story so far....
By Anonymous on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 03:31 pm:
I guess because I'm so rock steady in my self esteem (thanks to 7 years of hard, hard work) it only took me a couple of days to start talking about my NDE and I haven't shut up since <smile>. I read someone else's post about being embarrassed and worried that they would be thought crazy. I can relate to the feeling embarrassed. I felt like maybe I was creating it, but I trust my gut and my gut says no. It was real. More real than a lot of day to day stuff.
So, I'm here to talk and to look at other's experiences. The weird thing is my experience is nothing like I've read about. Not that I was any kind of aficionado of NDEs. I didn't much think about it - death or what it would be like. I've had a couple of spiritual experiences in my life so I thought I was unafraid of death. I was wrong, it turns out.
Anyway, my story. It's very recent. I can't even believe it was just last Friday AM (middle of the night). It feels like a lifetime ago. That's one of the reasons I want to talk about it so much. It feels like it's slipping away, the feeling I mean. So, I got the flu that has been hitting Texas this month. No biggie. Well, miserable, but no biggie. But then I got pneumonia, diffuse interstitial pneumonia to be exact. I also have asthma, though well controlled. Usually. I got really scared. I'm not a scared type person. I'm very independent. But I was terrified and especially of going to sleep (not that it was easy anyway, struggling for each breath as I was), so my partner would hold my hand and watch over me. That was the only way I could quell my fear enough to drift off to sleep (a little here and there). So Friday sometime between 3am and 6am I may have been sleeping or just drifting in and out of consciousness. I'm really still not sure. It didn't feel like sleep but neither was I really awake. I started to feel like I was being drawn into a vortex. I couldn't see it. I only felt the pull and the feeling was of ecstasy that was more intense than I could ever describe. For a moment or two (or who knows how long), it got more and more intense, and then I got so scared. I couldn't see my partner, but I could feel his spirit, and this part is funny, I could see his name spelled out in all capital letters. And I pulled myself toward his name and toward him. It happened twice. I don't know how far apart. In the morning, I had him take me to the hospital which is a whole other story, an awful story, and not about NDEs, but about escaping from a terrible hospital and doctor.
The story wasn't over though. The next night, sometime before 3:30AM, I drifted off to sleep (sitting straight up because I couldn't breathe), and when I woke up, it was over. I still had/have the cough and profound tiredness, but my breathing had become fine. Just like that. Poof. I had this same kind of pneumonia 7 years ago and it did not happen that way last time. I struggled for each step of recovery. I feel like these two things are related.
I've read that people come back from these experiences with a peace and no longer afraid of death. I'm afraid now. I wasn't before. I'm not sure what this is about. And it's funny, too, because the feeling, oh my, the feeling was beyond wonderful, beyond what I can describe. I know now, even as I knew before that death is magnificent, but I don't want to go. I don't know if this is a now thing or an always thing, but right now, I don't want to go. That almost needs to be in all capital letters - I DON"T WANT TO GO!!!
By Anonymous on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 03:30 pm:
My first experience began when I was about 6 or 7 years old. I was attending a Catholic Church. After the service, I remember going up to light a candle for the Virgin Mary. After I light the candle, I was praying and that was when I heard her talking to me. I heard a very soft beautiful voice in my head and I remember being mesmerized by it. It was telling me that I was going to be called upon and that I needed to be patient. I wish I could remember more but I can’t. I remember when she was talking to me, it felt like time had stopped and that it was just her and me in the church. I even saw her statue wink at me! Needless to say, even for a 6 year old, I did not tell anyone because I knew that statues are not supposed to talk to you, let alone wink at you. I had repressed this memory until my next experience.
When I was 27 years old, I had another experience. I had just had my second child and I remembering sitting in my rocking chair watching the selection for the first teacher in space. When Christa McCulla's name was called to accept the position, I felt a feeling of pure doom spread from my head into every cell of my body. It felt like someone had placed their hand on my head and let this ooze of doom invade my body. I could not move; I was frozen as this feeling went through me. I couldn’t believe this! I knew that if she got on the space shuttle she was going to die. I remember I kept saying, “This can’t be happening¨ over and over again. When I was released, I didn’t know what to do! Should I call NASA and tell them? If I did, would they even believe me. Who am I but a simple housewife with two small children?
I was so afraid that if I called NASA they would send the police out and I would be in trouble so I didn’t tell anyone. Little did I know that others were also receiving these kinds of feelings and calling NASA. On the morning of the lift off, I did not catch the initial showing of the shuttle blasting off. When I did find out what happened, I remember sinking to the floor and I made a promise to GOD that the next time he made contact with me I would listen. It was at this point that I realized that we are not alone and that there is something else going on, but I just did not understand. It was then that I remembered about the conversation with the Virgin Mary. I believe this experience was my awakening.
When I was 33 years old, I had another experience that was even more dramatic. I remember waking up one morning, and as I started to get out of bed, I saw a brilliant white light in the corner of my room. At first I thought that this was just sunshine, although I remember thinking that I never saw sunlight like that before, so I glanced at my door and saw that it was almost shut. How could all that light get in my room? Then I thought that this light must be the ghost of a girlfriend of mine that had pasted away when she was 19. As I looked at the light I remember how utterly beautiful it was. This light was really bright but it did not hurt my eyes to look at. I was mesmerized by it. When I closed my eyes, I could still see it. It was then that I fell back on the bed and realized that I could not move. It was like I was being held down. Then I saw images of a man and I heard a voice again talking to me in my head. This voice was talking about this man, and who he was, and that we were going to meet. This voice told me about his temperament, what he looked like, his heritage, and what he would say to me when we do meet. This voice said that this man needed to be shown the right path in life and he would give me the passion that I needed in my life. I remember tossing my head from side to side “NO I would never have anything to do with someone like this NO WAY!¨ When I was released, I thought “Is this really happening?¨ Things like this don’t happen. I was too afraid to tell anyone because I was afraid they would think I was crazy. I pushed this event back and did not think about it until 6 month later when I met this man. He was exactly like I saw him and he even said what the voice told me he would say to me word for word. I was in complete amazement. I remember making the promise to GOD to follow through and I did so. I tried very hard over the course of 6 years to help this man. He had a lot of problems and we were in out of relationship, and the last time we got together was when I had the NDE-like experience.
My NDE-like experience happened when I was 40 years old. I was back together with this man (Joe). I remember that I was at a low point, because no matter what I did Joe kept going back to his old ways even though he told me that he had found GOD (yeah right!). Things kept happening to him that I am sure GOD created to show him that he need to spend time with me; but instead Joe kept hanging out with his friends. I remember nights just crying myself to sleep, asking GOD to please take me home because I could no longer take this anymore. One night when I was at my deepest despair as I prayed to GOD to take me home. I suddenly fell asleep and the next thing I knew I was in a place surrounded in white light. I looked around and realized that this light was like the light in my bedroom years ago. It was at this point I realized that I knew this place -- I was HOME. I also realized that I no longer had a body - and the feeling of pure JOY was so wonderful because I was able to feel joy without being bound in a body. I can’t explain it in words how this feeling felt! When you are free of the body, feelings are felt in the fullest.
It was at this point I realize that this place was “THE REALITY!¨ I kept saying to myself “they must being showing me this because I am going to die and they did not want me to be afraid!¨ Well, I am still here so I know that wasn’t it! I started to look around and saw beings of different colors huddled in a group talking amongst themselves. They were nether male or female. One of them I remember was a soft olive green color and this being was holding a staff. I thought to myself that these being don’t have eyes, ears, mouths or hands and they are conversing; how can this be. I decided to see what color I was so I stretched a part of me out and saw that I was a very vibrant plasmic hot pink. I remember laughing because this was a color I would not be comfortable wearing here on Earth. The next thing I knew I was being pulled into the light and gosh what an utterly wonderful experience. This light went into me and bathed me in PURE PURE PURE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. I became part of it and it showed me that we needed to look not with our eyes but with our hearts. We need to love selflessly and to do it often. To be compassionate and understanding and to look beyond what we see, to see with our hearts. We are all connected! We know each other. When we do good for one, we do good for all of us. When we do bad against one, we do bad against all of us. We (All things) are all of this LOVING light.
It was so beautiful and wonderful; I did not want to leave. I felt myself being pulled toward the group of beings that I saw earlier. I was being pulled into an area that was like an opening of some kind! When I was above the opening, I was scared that I was going to fall down through it. I was just floating there when I saw another being rushing up toward me. I was being pulled toward this being that was the color of royal purple. I heard a name of this being (“Steve¨) and I heard the olive green being say to me telepathically, “This is the one you will be with next!¨ I thought to myself “you want me to be with my ex-brother-in-law! That was the only “Steve¨ that I knew at that time. As this being drew closer, I realized that this was a different person. When we embraced, it was so wonderful. It felt like 10 billion fireworks of love energy exploding all around and in me. Pure ecstasy. It was Love unbounded. That is the best way that I can describe it. Nothing that we can experience on earth even comes close to this feeling. I did not want to let go of this being. (When I get back “home,¨ I can’t wait to embrace everyone).
The next thing I knew I was in long hall where one end went on forever. I saw a throne and a being sitting on it. I could not look up to see its face because I knew not to. I was bouncing all over the place because I knew that I was in the presence of GOD. I kept saying to myself “OH MY GOD, ITS GOD!¨ over and over again. As I started to calm down, I heard the voice of GOD. I can’t describe it other than that it was alive. I knew that God could end everything on Earth with just one word. This voice was powerful and you knew it. I was so humbled I felt so small, so insignificant, yet so loved. This voice came from up above me! It was like God showed me a body on a throne so that I would have something to grasp as all this was happening. He asked me how I thought things were going with Joe and I said he was doing good (yeah right). God then said “Tell me how he is really doing!¨ Like I could fool God so I told him that things were not good at all. God then asked me what I think would would happen if God took me away from him. At this point, I am thinking that God intends to have me come “Home,¨ and I said that if I was to die Joe would lose it completely. God then said “Well I think I know my son better than that!¨ He went on to say that what was important was that Joe needed to have him in heart 100 percent and that he will have to take things over. He asked me if that would be OK. I agreed. God then asked me “what do you want?¨ I couldn’t believe it! Here I have been given the greatest gift off all to know of heaven and to understand that we don’t die, and God wants to know what I want. All I could think of was that I wanted to have my kids here also.
Once I told him this, the next thing I know awoke with a sudden start in bed. I wanted to run and yell to everyone that I had gone to heaven and WE DON’T DIE. Reality sunk in that if I did this everyone would think I was crazy. I have to tell you that I was on cloud 9 for months and I had the biggest smile on my face. I knew. I eventually told my three kids, I have told parts of my story to a few people, but never the whole story for fear that other would think that I was crazy. Being in the light has changed me in that I have become even more compassionate, understanding and loving then I was before this happened. I have not become a religious person, but I have become very spiritual one. I have begun discovering the Buddhist philosophy. Being joined with another soul showed me to believe in LOVE again for you see I had lost all hope that we can love each other. This experience showed me that there are others out there that have a deep capacity to love. I just need to find them, and now I know how to look for them “with my heart”!!!
The relationship with Joe ended, and I saw events unfold that showed me where I needed to be next. I got laid off and I got a job opportunity to work in Kentucky. I knew that I had to come here. What I didn’t know was that I had a cousin here. I saw how God had arranged me to move down here and he made sure that I had a relative here to help me. I told my cousin when I got down here that I knew that I was going to meet someone here and that someone was Steve.
I had another spiritual experience two or three weeks before I meet Steve. I knew I was back in heaven but in a place surrounded in snowcapped mountains like in Switzerland. I remember playing in the snow with a man in his mid to late twenties. I was not able to see what he looked like, but I knew his age range and that he loved Switzerland. When I awoke, I was again on cloud 9 for days. A few weeks later I then received an email from a man named Steve. He told me his age, which was 28, and as we conversed, I learned that he loved Switzerland. Anyway as our friendship developed I asked him this question “If our souls were different colors what color would mine be?¨ He answered “That’s easy Hot Pink!¨ I have not shared these experiences with him so he didn’t have a clue, yet he knew. How amazing how this whole thing works. Steve and I will always be friends even though we don’t see each much since he moved to a different state. I kept seeing a word in my head “Maytra,¨ and when I asked him what this word meant he said that it was Sanskrit and that it meant “Male Friend.¨ I am assuming that God wants me to be his friend, and I will surely be this for him as long as he needs me, and that he does know. Being friends with Steve has taught me how to love for love sakes, unconditionally, without judgments, without attachments.
Well that’s all - oh yeah, since I saw the light of GOD in my bedroom, I haven’t aged like most people! I age more slowly, more gracefully. It is so cool to look at people and to know that we are so much more than the sum of our parts, and that we know each other, and we are here to learn to love ourselves and one another on our human journey.
By reviewer on Friday, November 28, 2003 - 10:36 am:
I am not entirely certain how to put it into words, or, that is even in fact a "near death" experience actually, since I was not dying, injured or sick.
I had decided while laying on my bed one night that there was no purpose to my life. I am not sure how to describe that feeling, because I don't really think it was derived from any real despair. More of a decision based on fact. Almost more of a conclusion than despondency. I wasn't drifting of to sleep, rather I had been reading a bit, and just lay there on bed. And, as a person does, had been lost in thoughts that brought me to this conclusion. A review, of sorts, of my personal relationships, my success (or lack thereof) in my professional life, as well as my personal. I wanted sorely to be an artist, a musician, a writer, so many many things, none of which ever came to fruition in my life. I had failed to grab my life by the proverbial horns and take charge. And, at that time, felt the opportunities to do so were not only long gone, but no longer exist ahead of me in life as second chances either.
The bizarre thought entered my head that if there was such a thing as re-incarnation, well, this life was without much hope to gain karmic ground, so I may as well give this one up and start another. Let go. Not a desire to die, mind you, not at all. More of an acceptance. There was nothing more to do. Let go of the attachments. Let it happen. Don't hold on so tightly to something gone so wrong. It's okay, just let go.
And then the strangest thing I have EVER experienced.
It was as though, well, my legs were falling through themselves. I was aware of the position in which my legs were, and yet, it felt as though my legs were slowly moving down as to put me in an upright position. As though I were in space, in a vacuum without gravity, and slowly rotating on axis from a horizontal to a vertical position. Which, in itself was an odd enough sensation, but stranger still was the way my body FELT. You know the feeling you get when a part of your body falls asleep? Like you have been sitting on your foot too long and it begins to tingle. Now imagine that tingle was more of a vibration, but warm, alive with energy. As though some small current were running through your body. But instead of being a damaging electrical current, it was in fact some kind of nourishing wave of love manifested. Insane, I know. But that's what it FELT like.
And the world sort of disappeared. At first, it was like being in the densest fog imaginable. It was dark, but not black. But at no point was I scared or apprehensive. Quite the opposite. I spent what seemed like an eternal moment, feeling the sensation of well, being me, but not really me. Not in the sense I had spent 27 years learning to know. Again, I have no words to accurately describe it, but it was like I existed everywhere, within everything. Like my molecules spanned the entirety of existence, but in one place they became more dense. They accumulated in higher concentration, and I existed in this spot separately as well. Visually I'd liken it to an accretion disk of a newly forming planet. Small matter spread all over, but coming together in a centralized spot. The "planet to be” can be said to exist in all those particles as well as the center of the accretion disk, both separately but the same. Star would be more appropriate though, as the energy in the dense spot seems more noticeable. Anyways, like I said, I don't know how to describe it.
But the feeling was incredible. I can only say that it was like being unbound. The closest approximation that I had ever experienced before is that incredible sensation you have when you stretch in the morning. That release. That unwinding feeling. Like being freed from the forces that so minutely but ever so constantly drag you down. Being unbound. Freed. What astronauts must feel upon first entry into microgravity.
And then, the fog turned lighter. And lighter. And brighter. Which, it actually took me a few seconds to realize, was odd because I didn't squint. By day I am hypersensitive to light. But, this was in no way uncomfortable.
And, I experienced something I guess is similar to what I have heard explained as a life review. But not as I have ever heard described to me. Everything I had ever hear about such a thing was that is was like watching your life in fast forward or something. Well, this wasn't really like that. It was like remembering an event, not only as myself, but as all people involved. All the emotions and reactions. Mine, and theirs.
And it was by no means a comprehensive look at my life. But it was interesting in that it included several instances in my life I had never thought twice about. And far fewer of the negative experiences than I would have guessed. In fact, I would say most were experiences which I had given very little if any thought, but which seemed to greatly affect someone else's life positively.
And then, and admittedly this is even stranger (and probably why I have never spoken about it with anyone) I had a kind of conversation, I guess. Not in any conventional sense. And with whom, I am not entirely certain. But it happened nonetheless. It was bizarre, because my recollection of it, is well, hopelessly and incredibly strange. It was like there was my "voice" (though I don't really think I was speaking), and the other "voice” seemed to be at once my voice, and that of every other voice in existence. It wasn't at all overpowering or too much sensory input. Actually it was only afterwards that I even really noticed or reflected upon how bizarre it was. And it wasn't like "hearing” a conversation. Which is to say that in normal daily life, to have a conversation with someone is to hear ones own voice in that delicate balance of inside and out, and to hear the other persons voice definitely outside the body, and being able to distinguish the others location. But this, this was completely different. It was like both voices really had no location. I was certainly aware of my side of the conversation (and it still feels weird to call it that), but it was like the other participant had that same delicate balance of in and out side of my body. Only, it wasn't a body. Now, the conversation itself I am not really going to talk about, I believe that was meant for me and of no real value here. But what that conversation gave to me is something I hope I never forget, and to this day continues to change who I am and how I perceive the world.
Suffice it to say, I was given a choice. Asked in the most meaningful way, what I really wanted. And I don't know if it was the experience itself, the way it was asked, or some other unknown mechanism, but I had the chance to really understand the question, and the impact of the answer I would give. In one instant, I realized all the things I wanted to experience, and not menial things either. The true experiences of life. The affirmations of life. What it is to be here. To be human. To be alive (which is very much different from existing). I saw the woman I most loved and adored. Realized how I yearned to experience that love. To move through life with her. To experience everything I could with her. I instantly knew how and why I wanted to impact the world. What part I wanted to play in giving to the world. Making my contribution. Leaving my mark. And the true motivations behind them. How I could. And why only I could in the way I could. Why those things are unique to me. And not for any of the reasons I might have guessed. I realized that within me there are reasons, and emotions, and motivations I had never before given myself credit for. And I was "told" something else, too. Something that I believe was a direct answer to a question I had, but was designed to answer so many more questions than I could have asked. Would have thought to ask. A biggie. But not an answer I can just give to any one else who has the same question, but an answer each person has to give themselves I guess. As if someone were to ask me what color the sky is, and I answered assuredly and resoundingly "blue", they would just look at me like I am nuts. As though they have to "see" the blue for themselves.
I know, I know. This all sounds so hokey, and so incredibly "metaphysical" mumbo jumbo feel good crap- like. But, if it was, than I guess it was what I needed. Because it has changed so much. It's changed everything, I guess.
But, the strangest part was also the last part.
When I had decided I wanted to return, well, the return itself was both startling and insightful. As I, for lack of better term, re-entered my body, I came to the total realization that it is actually very uncomfortable to "live" in a body. A side effect of experiencing this kind of life. I immediately experience a kind of ache. As though my I was being encased in a shell that was just the tiniest amount too small. Not painful, but, definitely noticeable. And definitely caused a kind of ache. But, immediately after feeling the "ache" and letting go of the shock that came with it, came the realization that it is just an acceptable, albeit uncomfortable, part of this existence. And it tells you in an odd sort of way, that all the aches and pains in life truly are nothing compared to what great and unimaginable joy and warmth you can draw from life. That those aches and pains are a small price to pay.
That it is, in the end, all worth it. The aches and pains fade away, but the joy and happiness and love you will always feel. But, you have to let it happen, without fear. And to really enjoy it, you have to know why you want it, why you put yourself here. Like trusting in that you decided you wanted this life, even if you can't remember why, but trust that you did, and find out why all over again. As if that's half of the joy. In finding out. The experience.
And ever since that day. Well, so many things are different. I still have to work on consciously remember certain things, but, it's almost like having a different life. Before, mostly in my youth, I had experienced a kind of despair from time to time. But I was always aware on some level that I wasn't happy with my life. Ever since that day, well, I have never felt that way again. And that one small change seems to have changed everything else. I was forced to consciously decide if I wanted this life, and when I decided I do, well, there is nothing to feel bad about I guess. I don't really know how to explain that either. Maybe just that before that day I thought I was put here without my input, so I was maybe resentful. Now, I want to be here, and that makes all the difference in the world.
So, that is an abbreviated version of my experience. I apologize if it does not fall within the parameters of what you are looking for, but, well, I had to choose between letting go and coming back, so I thought it may apply.
By Anonymous on Friday, November 28, 2003 - 10:22 am:
I was at dental surgeon's office for a fairly simple procedure. The procedure required that I be put to sleep using, what I seem to recall as, sodium pentothal. The last conscious thing I remember was counting as I went under. Suddenly, I found myself hovering above myself and the doctor. I clearly recall watching every thing he did As I was in the chair.
The strange part was that all I could do was laugh hysterically at what I was watching. It seemed as though the entire procedure, from my strange vantage point, was ridiculous. I felt no attachment to myself or anything else on a worldly level.
When I awoke and told the doctor what I had experienced, he was incredulous, at the least.
Please note that this experience occurred some thirty years ago, yet it has never, nor will probably ever, leave my memory.
I have told this story to many people. Some say "WOW" others respond as the doctor did.
I only discovered your organization this morning through an article on the "Raiders News" site. I am hoping you may be able to shed some light on what has been a long time mystery to me. This is especially true since I have never read about anything of the sort except when connected to a "near death" experience
By Anonymous on Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 05:48 pm:
This is not a NDE or an OBE but I would rather say mystical experiences. It took me a long time to decide if I am going to share this, but after drawing the lot and hearing the song “God’s own fool” from Michael Card, I decided to write to you.
Well it started when I was 9-10 years old. One night I decided to accept God and Jesus as true. A love and pace feeling came over me which I can only describe as the same as what people experience during NDE. I remember lifting my arms up to God. The next one was when I was 17. At that time I was preaching Christianity at school. I was sleeping and had a dream. I saw myself lying in bed and then became aware of an entity coming from the left through the wall. A great fear and panic fall over me and the entity went away. I told my self in my dream that the next time it comes I should not be afraid but just ask for the help of Jesus. So it came again from the left through the wall and I wanted to say “In the name of Jesus go away” but I could not speak. So still in my dream I decided that I should just try and say “Jesus” but I could not speak. So I put all my will power and concentration just to say Jesus. It is then that I woke up and said “Jesus” aloud. I fell asleep again immediately only to remember the dream the next morning.
The next one was when I was 21. I have been living a worldly life when one night I felt the love and forgiveness of God again. Few months later I felt a calling from God to do his work and made big changes in my life. The next one was when I was 24. I was having a dream for a while when I dreamt that a lion jumped on me. I then woke up. I saw a man standing at the foot end of my bed. It was not a physical man but just the outline of one. I knew he was the one that woke me up by jumping on me or something like that. He was very surprised that I woke up and that I am able to see him. He then left. It took me some time to get my wits about me back. I jumped out of bed and checked the whole house but there was no one awake and no burglar. I also asked my family the next morning if anybody was walking around last night and nobody did.
Two years ago I was with my girlfriend at her home. We had taken some ecstasy. We were doing some breathing exercise together. At some point I felt what I can only describe as arrows shooting from my spine up and out of my head. I could not feel my body and it felt as if I was lifting up. I only later learned about kundalini effect. After this we where sitting and having a casual conversation when I saw, with my physical eyes three screens, TV screens with out any border, coming towards me and slamming into my forehead. There were some pictures on the screens but I could not make out any of it. The only information that came to me was that I am one of the witnesses in Revelation 11.
At this point in my life I have not heard of NDE experiences. I have also later read about all the people who claim that they are one of the witnesses or the reincarnation of Elijah. Now I will be the first one to say that I might be wrong. I am just a normal human with all my mistakes. Neither do I have to power to do miracles nor do I want to kill anybody or bring about pests. As you can understand I seriously started to question my own sanity. A friend of mind also had a powerful dream about me. A few months later I was deeply distressed about this and crying to God and Jesus. When in my mind’s eye I saw Jesus and he said “Just relax and take it easy”. The first vision made a big change in my life and I started to read any books I could find about mystical, occult and religion. It was then that I discovered NDE stories. I then read on the www.near-death.com website that Jesus is supposedly born in 1998. This caused me some distress because of my Christian upbringing. I thought that Jesus will come on the clouds again. So I asked Jesus where he is. I felt his powerful love and the information I got was not in my mind’s eye but rather feelings with information in it. Jesus was holding the earth in his arms and loving it and there were lots of angels. I was singing with them and they said that they did not like the killing in Iraq. At this moment I think that the second coming of Christ means that the Christ within us will awake.
In the beginning of this year my brother was in a motorcycle accident and was in a coma for 3 days. I was praying to God when I felt his/her love and I saw in my mind’s eye light shining down on me from a source high above and there were angels all around this beam of light. All of them where loving me for who I am. It was a very powerful experience.
A few weeks ago I had an experience where I embraced darkness and only found light within. But I will leave that story for another day.
I will also be the first to say the all these experiences is a fabrication of my subconscious but I can not deny the Love even if I tried.
By Anonymous on Sunday, November 16, 2003 - 11:12 am:
I was very ill leading up to the birth of my daughter and the doctors thought that I would only have a slim chance of survival. During the caesarean, I died and left my body. I was met by a deceased person (his name is Ali), who is related to someone very close to me. Everything around me was white and I felt as though I was amongst the clouds. Ali held my hand and we sat down on a cloud. I was not afraid and felt very safe and loved. Then he told me that it was not my time and that I had to return to my body. He told me to go and hold my baby.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, November 12, 2003 - 11:51 am:
When I was six I went to water park in Florida. Trying to prove my courage, I jumped off the 50 ft high dive. When I hit the water it took a second to orient myself. I started to swim towards what I thought was the top, but realized the pressure was increasing not decreasing. I realized I was seeing the reflection of the top on the bottom of the pool. I remember my lungs hurting as I tried to swim up. I faded into darkness.
The place I went to was completely dark and empty. I knew I was completely alone and started to panic, wondering if I would be left there all alone forever. It was a loneliness beyond description. I slowly started to hear whispering and eventually they became voices and I started to see distorted images which slowly became people. I never realized till afterward I was back at the poolside. I watched the people as they seemed to crowd around something, curious as all children I went to look at the cause of the crowd. I moved through the people until I saw a man kneeled over a small body and watched as he performed CPR. He moved and I saw the small body lying there was me. A moment later I felt myself pulled down a tunnel I could only describe as a kaleidoscope of rainbow colors swirling around me as I fell. A minute later I was coughing up water and gasping for air.
I believe the place I went to was before creation, even before light, and that the loneliness I felt was not only mine but God's as well. I know that God created us, like his angels, for companionship and fellowship, much the way that we desire children to share our lives and love.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 09:56 pm:
This is not a NDE but what I experienced was something phenomenal.
I was about 15 years old. I had a dentist appointment. I have an abnormal phobia/fear of needles. I got all worked up, scared like crazy, and extremely nervous thinking about the fact that the dentist was going to give me a needle. I was so nervous that I had my younger brother come with me for moral support. As it happens, I didn't need any freezing and I had a perfect check-up. Well, I was immensely relieved to say the least. We left the office and we were waiting for the elevator to go to the ground floor, when I got very dizzy, hit my head on the outside of the elevator door, and fainted.
While I was briefly out, I experienced something so wonderful that words cannot describe it. I believe I was in a "place" that was beautifully green, lots of grass, and meadows as far as the eye could see. There weren't any flowers, birds, animals or other people. It was just me, sort of "hovering" above this beautiful grass meadow. I didn't have a body. It was just my spirit.
I had an extreme sense of peace, nothing like we have on earth. I cannot compare it to anything in my mind. I felt totally peaceful, and light, and I knew that I didn't want to come back! There are really no words to explain how this utopia felt. It was beyond anything "peaceful" that we know in this life. Then after a very short time, I came to and I was fine except for a little headache from the knock on my head.
Even though it's been 30 years, I remember the images and the feelings as though it happened yesterday. If this is where we go when we pass over, then I can hardly wait!!
I've always been very spiritual. I believe I see spirits, they talk to me, and very strange things happen to me that are not logically explainable. I am trying to connect with the other side, by reading "how to" books. I am trying to develop my "psychic" abilities as much as possible. I've heard that artistic people are more intuitive. I've always been an artist all my life and I knew at the age of 5 that I was interested in art. Art is my life.
I would love to know what you think about this experience and I look forward to hearing from you. I have many other experiences, if you're interested in knowing about them. However this was the only time I had "traveled" to another realm. (I used to have my spirit lift slightly out of my body but I was too scared and I can't do it anymore.)
By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 09:53 pm:
My first experience was during delivery of twin girls at the age of 18. Something very unusual was going on with the doctors and nurses because they had me strapped down and a nurse threw her body across my stomach to push the babies out. The pain was so intense I wanted to kill her but couldn't move. I heard the baby cry but they quickly took it away. That same woman threw her body across me again and the next baby came. I heard her cry and they rushed her out of the delivery room. I never got to see them. I was bleeding a lot. The doctors all left the room and left me with just one nurse. She was cleaning up. I felt faint. I told her that and she ran out yelling for the doctors to come back. Next I remember them being there and taking my pulse and there was none, no respiration. I was watching the doctors working on me, giving me epinephrine and trying their best to bring me back. I could hear them all talking. I felt more peaceful than I had ever felt in my life. It was OK not to breathe. I could talk to them telepathically. Shortly thereafter the medication took hold and I started coming back into my body. I began feeling all the pain again and the torment. But I’ll never forget the peace I felt. There was no pain. Everything was fine.
I never got to see my little girls. A short time later a doctor who I had never seen before came in and told me they had both died and they were giving them to science to relieve me burial costs. I was young and weak and in shock. I was so saddened that they would never let me see them. Not even once. I was too weak to try to walk and could not fight them and was all alone. I'll never really know the real story.
No more room for story 2. It was completely different and cause physically changes. I looked 15 years younger.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 09:44 pm:
I miscarried. I became very ill and was rushed to the hospital after a flood of blood while sitting on the toilet. I was 19 or 20. I don't remember much after that except waking up in a hospital room with the sensation of my legs leaving my legs, like my SPIRIT legs were leaving my legs and the sensation traveled up my body until I was floating above myself over the bed. It felt SOOOOOOOOOOO good. The most amazing feeling. I don't know if it was LOVE or what, but it just felt wonderful to float like that. I remember smiling and saying that to myself... then I felt like I was floating slowly towards the window. It was winter in Illinois (where I grew up) and when I turned my head I could see outside the hospital parking lot, it was night and someone was parking their car, but it was too bright outside for just the one street light that I saw, so I looked upwards or outwards (I can't remember which) and saw a bright light like the sun in the distance, and I felt I was picking up speed towards this light but it wasn't warm on my skin like the sun, just there... it was then that I noticed I was half out the window and half in the window and that I did not feel the cold of outside or the warmth of this "SUN or LIGHT"... I felt NO BODILY sensation at all, just in my mind yet I still had a body or felt like I had one... Then I looked back and saw myself still lying in the bed... and realized this couldn't be happening. It was then that I panicked and started clawing my way back to my body, begging, saying over and over... "NOT YET... NOT YET..." Then all of a sudden I sat up in my body and felt my legs going back into my legs... my heart was racing and yet no nurses came into my room. I don't know if the monitors requested anything as I was hooked up to all types of monitors in a room by myself. The next morning the doctor told me I almost died and I said to myself, "I Know already."....
Over the years, as I came into contact with more and more people who use others, lie to others until now I have become somewhat of a recluse due to not wanting these types of people in my life. I am DEEPLY religious yet I no longer go to any church. However, I have a wide list of e-mail friends whom I send out "WORDS OF WISDOM" based on God's word weekly. It is very gratifying to me when others e-mail back to say how I've helped them, encouraged them, etc. I won't say this is my "CALLING"... but I began to withdraw from people since that time and with each hurt from others, I'd withdraw more. I guess most of the things I talk about in my e-mails are about how woman and men in life use one another and how it causes more harm than good ... from a spiritual point of view... I believe this experience may have been to cause me to see the TRUTH of what is important in life and usury of one another is not it, nor wealth, nor the pursuit of it. I felt so strongly about this that even Corporate America disgusted me so badly that I remained unemployed for 2 years to create a job were I could stay at home and work... at-home Medical Transcriptionist.
I also believe that this experience has expanded my mind in that I see things a lot clearer than a lot of people I know. I've had people in On-Line Boards ask if I have a PhD, but I have only a few hours of college.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 05:03 pm:
Well, I don't really know where to start, what I remember is choppy and disjointed. I don't really remember how I got there or what started it. It seemed to happen very suddenly, because suddenly I was running through this very very dark forest, and I could hear and occasionally see several large black dogs with extremely large teeth and salivating... I was running and running through this forest, extremely terrified talking under my breath and saying things like I'm sorry ...I'm sorry god, I am soo sorry... I felt like I was being hunted and that they were going to form a circle around me and eat me. Before this could happen, I came to this cliff it was kind of pointed out over a chasm (this is gonna sound corny, but think of Pride Rock in The Lion King...) and at the tip of this cliff, I fell down and I was desperate the dogs were advancing on me I could see them they were getting closer, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, OH GOD HELP ME I AM SO SORRY!! And then I fell off the cliff...It seemed like I fell for 3 or 4 days...
There were other things that happened, I saw my husband and I get married. (I got married in 1998). I was in a room with skeletons hanging from the ceiling but I am unsure whether these things happened before or after my experience in the forest. I would really like to be hypnotized or something so that I can remember everything.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 05:02 pm:
Apparently whilst giving birth to my Son there were complications and I was anaesthetized. As I described it to my Doctor at the time... "I remember just suddenly sort of floating up in the corner of the room and that there was a very bright light. I only remember that I was there, but not in my body! I was looking down at myself and saw the Matron literally lifting my ex-husband (slipped her arms under his armpits and heaved him bodily; she was a large woman, my husband was over 6 foot), out of the room. He was asking what's happening, and that he'll just sit in the corner out of the way, the Matron said no, you must leave.
Then I noticed that there was a 'stranger' working on me along with my Doctor, I didn't know who he was, or where he had come from, or for that matter, when he had entered the room? It seemed to me then and also now that I didn't perceive 'time' the way one does normally.
This 'stranger' had a bald spot on the crown of his head and wore black, squarish glasses! I do remember thinking who is he? What's he doing? Where did he come from? Is my baby all right? Whilst all this was going through my mind I have to admit that I wasn't scared at all, just a little confused and also, what I am still a little perplexed about, I was extremely calm and nonplussed by everything that was going on below me?? Then I suddenly heard a voice saying it's not my time, I'm needed, and to go back, that everything will be fine. I remember agreeing, wanting to be there for my Son.
When I finally 'woke up' on the Ward, some 2-3 hours later, I started yelling for the Matron saying that I wanted to see my Son! She finally came in, then she asked me how I knew that I had had a boy? I said that I had seen him whilst she was cleaning him after his birth. She gave me the strangest look and walked out!
Later when my Doctor came to see me, I asked him who the 'stranger' was that was with him whilst I was 'out to it'? He asked how I knew about him, had the Matron told me about him, I said no, that I had seen him leaning over the top of me (whilst I was laying on the table/bed). I then described him (as above) and also that he was much shorter than him (my Doctor being taller that is). He was quite stunned that I knew so many details about this 'stranger' who turned out to be a 'Specialist' that he (my Doctor), had had flown in by Helicopter (whilst I was 'knocked out'), as this happened in a small town and there wasn't too many Doctors available at this Hospital. I have never met this other Doctor either before this all happened nor after. My Doctor believed me, cause as he said, how could I have seen the 'bald spot' on the 'top' of this other Doctor's head?? He did tell me NOT TO TELL ANYONE OR THEY'D PROBABLY LOCK ME AWAY!! He reiterated that he believed me and found it fascinating but not to speak about it to anyone else!
Apart from this letter, I've only told 3 people about this occurrence. One was my younger Sister... she had rung me late one evening, not long after giving birth to her first daughter, my Son was about 5years old at the time. She was most distraught, she had had the same experience during childbirth as I had, as in watching from up in the corner of the room etc., and said she didn't understand and hadn't told anyone cause she thought she was going mad. I then explained what happened to me and it seemed to help her a lot. We never discussed it again after that night!
The second person is my current husband, and not so long ago at that either. I also told him how strange it was that I seem to know what is 'Medically' wrong, most of the time, when someone close to me is not well, and after going to the Doctor and getting a diagnosis, I find that I had said that that was the problem I had come up with! I seem to instinctively 'know', and in most cases, I also know what to do, though I always recommend the Doctor??
The third person was someone at work only a few weeks ago, I don't know how it came up... ah yes, she was describing something 'weird' as she put it that had recently happened to her. I found myself just 'blurting' it all out, then I felt like a 'weight' had been lifted from my shoulders. Thank goodness she received it well, we've never discussed it since.
Anyway, when my Son was about 8 months old, I'd gone back to have the last of my stitches out (had quite a few), and my Doctor got called out of the Examination Room whilst we were talking and I realized that I could read my File (that was open in front of me), and I read that I had 'died' for 3 minutes whilst having my Son and that the recommendation was for me not to have anymore children. I haven't!
By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 04:57 pm:
I was in the hospital again due to a motorcycle accident I'd had in 1971. I had been hospitalized for about eight months at the time of the experience, in three different hospitals. After having gangrene in my foot for the first four months or so, they had finally stopped the infection and I was having a series of experimental skin/tissue grafting operations done to restore the front half and bottom of my foot. My great toe had been amputated. They had begun what was called a "Petacle-Flap" transfer procedure from my right calf, which was being prepared over a series of days to transplant to my left foot. This entailed making a three-sided rectangular incision through the skin and about 1/2" of tissue on the back of my right calf, while leaving the fourth side connected to allow blood flow to the "flap" until it was ready to transplant. After several days of this "preparation", it was to be sewn onto the bottom of my left foot and I would be casted in a "figure-four" position until it had taken hold and was growing. Then the flap would be severed completely from my right leg and they would cover the hole in my right calf with skin taken from my hip. I awoke in the middle of the night in excruciating pain and discovered my right leg (suspended in a sling) swollen. A huge amount of blood had pooled in the flap (I believe today that it was due to an orderly improperly positioning my leg in the sling and blocking the return flow of venous blood) and when the doctor arrived he dropped the flap and about a quart of black, clotted blood fell onto the sheet.
They rushed me into emergency surgery where I recall "waking up" while I was in surgery. I was suddenly against the ceiling, looking down at everyone wearing green, in the operating room (I don't recall actually seeing myself, but I knew it was me there) and could see everything quite clearly. I remember thinking, "This is sure weird. I don't belong up here". As soon as I thought that, I "woke up" again and was gagging and choking. The anesthesiologist said, "you need to go back to sleep now", and I saw him turn a valve on a tube and I was unconscious again. When I awoke in recovery later, my favorite nurse was there and she said I'd "given them all quite a scare". I asked her why I'd been choking when I woke up and she said it was because of the artificial airway down my throat. I never told anyone about my waking up on the ceiling, and never asked if I'd died on the table. I spent the next week or so receiving anti-coagulants to dissolve the remaining blood clots before they reached my heart, not knowing if I would survive or not. To shorten a long story, I spent about another six weeks in the hospital (I underwent a total of thirteen surgeries in almost ten months) before they let me out "for thirty days to regain strength" so they could begin the petacle-flap procedure again (another series of 6 more operations). I got out and never went back, feeling lucky to be alive.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 04:54 pm:
This was the first of many experiences and, as such, may have prepared me to be receptive to others. I was drowning in the ocean, experienced an incredibly fast life review complete with full understanding of the reason for each event and how it fit into the larger scheme of social occurrences, and then the experience abruptly ended as I was pulled from the water. As a child, I found this experience interesting and was back swimming in the ocean in about 30 minutes.
I later experienced an OBE while being treated with alpha-wave biofeedback for neck pain. I left my body and was floating with my back against the ceiling looking down at myself. When the therapist entered, I returned to my body and was looking up at him. He wanted me to return, but I was upset that he had not cautioned me that this could happen. He apologized and said that it normally does not occur the first time a client uses alpha-wave. At the time I was 26. I am confident that, given the same alpha-wave feedback device, that the OBE would recur. I looked for a device to try it again, but they were too expensive.
I am fascinated what research will finally show about the origins of these experiences. I lean toward a version of Sagan's theories coupled with neurotransmitter action based on oxygen deprivation or wave stimulation.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 04:51 pm:
I had a vein stripping on my right leg. It was an outpatient surgery that went fine. The next day I was resting and I got up to comb my hair and go to the bathroom. When I came back to the couch, everything went black and I almost fainted, had chest pains and was very close to passing out. My husband was there and he called the doctor. I had been taking yoga before the procedure and I calmed my self with yoga breathing. I laid on the couch while my husband was on the phone with the doctor. As I lay there, I closed my eyes and I was in a long dark tunnel, but at the end I could see my grandmothers. They were smiling at me and I felt so happy to see them. There were others there too, but I don't remember who they were. I just remember my grandmothers. Then I focused on my husband, who is the light of my life, and I did not want to leave him alone. I remember thinking that dying is okay. I felt very peaceful about it.
I think a lot about almost dying and what my purpose in life is. I've told others who have lost loved ones from PE's that it wasn't so bad and if I had died right then, it would have been okay. It wasn't so painful and it was quick..
I have begun going to ALANON. I love ALANON. It has given me a purpose and the tools to change my life to become a better person. I am more open-minded about everything and try to enjoy life more.
I thank my higher power everyday for my life and am grateful to see the simple things. I often feel like I'm living on borrowed time and sometimes worry that I will have another embolism. The scary thing is that every doctor who sees my X-rays or my charts say that I am very lucky to be alive. I think it's the reactions of health care professionals that scare me. I never told anyone about seeing my grandmothers. I thought they would think that I was crazy and I just didn't feel that anyone else could possibly understand what I had been through. But just now, going back to that moment and there faces gives me such peace.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 04:49 pm:
Actually, this was my second experience. The first was in 1982 when I was 13. I was involved in a head on car accident and woke up on a backboard in the garage of a gas station. There were fire trucks and paramedics and I wondered what had happened. I started calling for my brother who had been driving. When he came over I saw blood on his shirt and asked what happened. When he told me we had been in an accident I remembered (the accident) and became hysterical. I walked out of the hospital several hours later with two stitches over my eye. A couple of weeks later two police investigators came to interview me and asked what I remembered. The last thing I remembered was looking out my window and seeing a white car, then my brother coming over to my door, prying it open and I was lying on the seat. He picked me up and began to carry me away. That's when I noticed the officer had quit writing and asked who told me those things. When I said I saw them, he said I couldn't have because I was unconscious. That's when I started remembering: I was above watching but I couldn't hear or speak. I felt weightless and peaceful - unimaginable and indescribable. There was no pain, no fear, no worry. Watching it all was more of a matter-of-fact, I felt no relationship to the person I saw in the car. I don't recall leaving or re-entering my body.
In 2001, I was rear-ended and my Explorer rolled (they really do!) and I was ejected between the second and third roll. As I was lying on the side of the road I knew this was it, I was going to die and I had complete peace, even relief about it. I lost consciousness after that and suffered cardiac arrest on the way to the hospital and again in surgery; my heart had stopped for a total of about ten minutes. After surgery I spent a couple of weeks in a coma. 3 months after the accident my sister asked if I'd had an out-of-body experience and I told her no but then I started remembering. I was standing on a mountain top looking over to another mountaintop, both lush green and that was all I could see. I was with celestial beings and they told me things but I don't know what. Like the first experience there was the feeling of weightlessness but this time I wasn't floating. There was the indescribable peacefulness! No emotional or physical pain, no thought (remembrance?) of this world or the people here. I believe the purpose was for revelations, but I don't know what they are which is frustrating. Although, when I came out of the coma I was hooked up to a heart monitor, a respirator, a feeding tube, etc., etc. and I wasn't afraid or even concerned. I was told what all had happened to me: severe internal injuries, heart and lung injuries, a handful of miscellaneous problems and a spinal cord injury. I took a moment and responded, "At least we'll get a good parking spot at Wal-Mart!" I was not surprised! As a matter-of-fact I HAD to tell people what God had done for me, how I should have been dead but I was alive!
By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 04:46 pm:
The incident occurred July 4, 1940. My mother would very often talk about the incident as "miraculous" as I was growing up. I never told my parents what I experienced. I grew up in a town near Pittsburgh. That day, my mom and dad told me that something I would enjoy was about to happen that evening, but wouldn't tell me what; it was to be a surprise. The topography of the area is all hills and valleys. It was the local custom that the city put on a fireworks show on July 4. They would set up the fireworks in a valley, or "hollow" as it was locally called, and folks would watch from the hilltops. My folks walked me down to the end of a dead-end alley, ending on a steep drop of several hundred feet into the hollow. I didn't know it, but the fireworks were set up directly below our hill. I can remember my dad sitting on the ground with me standing on his lap, one foot on each thigh and jigging around in anticipation. It was dark now, and without warning came a bright flash and tremendous explosion just slightly above my eye level. It scared the hell put of me. It was immediately followed by more tremendous explosions and I tried to escape and run up the alley, but my dad held me tightly. The next thing I remember was my mother grabbing me and running up the alley.
Then everything went black. The next thing I knew, I was looking down at a little boy lying on a kitchen table, and an old woman bending over me. I recognized the old woman; she was Mrs. S (I later learned the S's were Russians who escaped Stalin). I recognized the clothes the boy had on, the same clothes I had on. Blue denim overalls with a yellow duck sewn on the bib; blue socks, white shoes, and a red and white striped T-shirt under the overalls. Then I noticed my mother crying hysterically, and my dad was standing back silently. The old lady said, "His heart is not working". She said, “I'll try to breathe life into him". Then I somehow turned on my back and began to ascend, I went right through the roof of the kitchen and up above the roof. Although it was night, I could see everything, neighbor's houses, etc. I felt wonderful, light, peaceful. I wanted to keep floating upward forever! That's when I encountered two "beings of Light". There was no form to them, just ovals radiating a soft peaceful white light. The spirit on the left said, "You can't go any farther, you have to go back." I told the spirit "No, I don't want to go back. It's not what it was supposed to be." The spirit, even though speaking in a soft female voice strongly repeated, "No, you have to go back." I again argued that I didn't want to go back. Then the spirit on the right, in an even gentler tone said, " No Joe, you have to go back. There's something you have to do. It's going to be all right, you're in a different place now." That's when I started floating back downward and re-entered my body, opened my eyes, and started to breath again. My mother grabbed me to her, sobbing and crying. I wasn't crying, all I said was "Mommy, am I in a different place now?" She looked at me funny, and finally said, "Yes Joe, we're at Mrs. S's".
I've never told anyone about this for years; except a few years ago I finally told my wife when I judged that she was at a point of spiritual development that she could accept it; she has! This experience and the spiritual insights it has given me caused me much anguish in my life as they conflicted with a lot of the Catholic dogma shoved down my throat during 12 years in Catholic school, but I won't go there. This is the phenomenon I experienced. It has affected my whole life from age 2 on. Following this experience, I went from being a healthy little kid to the opposite. I experienced a very sickly childhood: Scarlet fever, asthma, chronic boils and swollen skin condition that the doctor only diagnosed as "hives" that caused incapacitation of my joints and limbs. Having said that, it turned around (to me, miraculously), in high school and I became a healthy enough person to successfully be accepted for, and graduate from pilot training. But I had a very successful career as a rescue pilot, and believe that was part of what the spirit told me: "There's something you have to do."
By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 04:45 pm:
I was two or three months old only when my heart stopped beating. All went calm, soft and dark and I felt more than fine. I felt at peace. Then suddenly the doctors or staff started giving me a heart massage and it hurt so much. I wanted them to stop. And then I was back and I didn’t feel fine anymore.
By reviewer on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 04:39 pm:
My experience with "the Other Side" was initiated by an auto accident on the night of January 28th 1982. I was 20 years old. I was following my friend back to his house. It was late and rain was misting down onto my windshield. We had just left my fraternity house after a successful rush party. As we approached a large intersection near campus, my friend Joe pulled his car into one of two left-hand turn lanes. As I approached the intersection, I saw that the light was red for us, and the light for cross traffic was yellow. I thought I would time the light and pulled into the turn lane to the right of Joe’s car. As soon as the light turned green, I entered the intersection rolling about 5 MPH. I did not see the speeding car to the left of me; Joe’s car and the rain on my side window obstructed my view. As soon as I cleared the front end of Joe’s car, I was smashed into by the car running the now red light. The other driver was intoxicated above the legal limit.
The next thing I knew I was gasping for air. My ribs had broken, my diaphragm was ruptured, my left lung collapsed, most of my internal organs were lacerated and bleeding, my head had shattered the drivers side window. I was fading into a state of shock. The last thing I remembered was grabbing the paramedic working on me by the front of his coat. I said in a gasping whisper, "Help me, I can't breath."
There was something wrong I remember telling myself, for a moment I couldn't realize what it was that seemed wrong. Then it hit me: “I just died, I just died,” I said to myself. “Oh no I just died!” I had a feeling of despair, but that feeling of despair lasted only a brief moment. The feeling of despair was replaced with a feeling of knowing that my death was exactly what should be happening right then. I thought to myself, "I am supposed to be dead right this very instant." And as I said that to myself I felt as if I was looking down to my left, in my minds eye that is, I had no tangible body that I could see. I was looking down to the left at what I would call a representation of Earthly life. Not exactly a vision of the Earth from space, but a very similar kind of vantage point. I acknowledged this view for a moment, then turned my gaze up and to the right.
As I was gazing up and to the right, my orientation felt like I was now facing forward, going up and forward. I remember feeling happy and comforted by the thought of going this way. On the way up and forward I began to see little movie clips appear in front of my gaze. The little clips were scenes I had forgotten about from childhood, like me and brother Dale in the backyard talking and laughing. These clips went very quickly, and they made me feel happy. The next sensation I had was leveling off from my up and forward movement. I felt a presence next to me now, I could not see anyone but somehow I knew someone was there. I felt as if I was now standing at an entrance to a dark room.
The room that I was looking into was black and dark, yet I could make out subtle distinct shapes in the middle of the room. I could still feel the presence of someone next to me, almost as if they were mentally telling me where to look next. I found myself compelled by this guide to look at the figures that were now becoming more clearly seen in the middle of the room. I could now see that they looked like a choir of black robed beings, seated on tiers like a choir stands on when they perform. These beings were not looking back at me, instead they seemed to all be looking the other way. Just as I thought to myself " I wonder who they are?" They all turned toward me at the same time, a powerful light beamed out from where their eyes and mouth would be. They had no faces, just bright beaming light streaming at me, through me, into me. At that very instance I felt a powerful exchange take place between me and the beings of light. I felt as if all the answers to all the questions I had ever had wanted answered, were answered simultaneously. It wasn't like I knew any one specific answer, more like I just knew everything there was to know, ever. I also had the feeling that as I received this knowledge from the beings of light, I in turn gave to them all the unique experiences that I had accumulated from my time alive on earth. They gave me what they had, and I gave them what I had to contribute. It was very pleasing to do this exchange. I felt completely free and content.
After the exchange with the beings of light, I felt myself float up and over the room. I now felt like I was warm and very loved and very happy to be there. I felt my sense of self begin to expand, like I was dissolving into the warmth of this reality, becoming a piece of a very wonderful whole. I wanted for nothing, except to feel like this forever. And just as soon as I felt like this, I found myself back at the entrance to the room of the beings of light.
Something felt wrong; I wondered what had happened. I felt a presence of my former guide meeting another entity in front of the beings of lights choir stand. They seemed to be having a disagreement about something; I had hoped that it was not about my being here. I couldn't tell exactly what the problem was but I sensed there was a very serious one. I had the sense that I was being brought back to life back on the earthly plane, and that this entity talking to my guide was not happy about this turn of events. I was beginning to get a bad feeling about the whole scene taking place in front of me. I was indeed being brought back to life on the earthly plane, and I was to leave this wonderful place. I felt that this entity was not happy at all with the doctors who were saving my life, and neither was I. I wanted to stay, but I knew I would be going back. And back I went. The next thing I am aware of is the beeping of my heart monitor, awakening out of a three-day coma in my hospital bed. I'm back and I begin to feel some pains inside my guts, I cannot move, I cannot speak, all I can do is think about how beautiful it was to be on the other side of this life.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 04:35 pm:
I was having a hysterectomy. I was Mormon at the time. My 10 y/o son, Troy, called me and told me that he had dreamed for 7 nights in a row that I was going to die. He begged me to call the Elders for a "healing blessings", which I did. On the second incision, I went into cardiac arrest and was technically "dead" for 5 min. 52 sec. I was suddenly above the operating theatre <teaching> screaming, "Don't do it!! Don't bring me back, please!!"
Allow me to divert for a moment: I was born a "totally awake" psychic. I saw and spoke with supposedly "dead people", including the being known as Jesus, all of my life. I meditated regularly, and prayed regularly. I was accustomed to being out of my body frequently while doing this. I think this is why there was no "tunnel/white light" in my experience. I was already familiar with and comfortable on the "other side".
Suddenly I was in a round Greek style temple that was not roofed. Jesus was before me and I was aware that there were 70 other people there to work with me. There was a mist that hid their faces from me, though I could see Jesus quite clearly. I was aware that each of them was working with me in my soul's growth and various karmic matters I had elected to work on during this body's sojourn.
Jesus informed me that I had completed the work I had come in to do, and had "channeled" the 3 souls who would affect the future <my>. I could now stay with these beings, or I could take on another assignment and return to the earth plane.
I don't usually make hasty decisions, and "he" knew that. I told him that was ridiculous. I would need time to consider the pros and cons of both scenarios, and that earthly body wasn't going to last for long. He laughed, snapped his fingers and my 3 children were standing before. I instantly knew that I had the "keys" that would unlock their memories when it was time for them to awaken, but that their father did not. If I opted to stay, they would have to come into the body again in another life to fulfill their destinies.
I look at Jesus and said, "That's really unfair!! You know I can't leave them to come back again. This is emotional blackmail!" At which he cocked and eyebrow at me and laughed again. Then he responded, "But you do want them to succeed this time, don't you?" I replied, "Yes, you know I do. But I have a condition. If I go back, I want to be allowed to heal people. Not just their bodies, but their souls too. I want to awaken them to their soul's potential and Truth." Jesus smiled and answered, "As you desire, so shall it be."
I awakened to my anesthesiologist cursing up a storm. He told me that I scared him to death and that I had been technically dead. They were leaving the operating room when my heart started again. I had been in coma for two days and was in ICU. I didn't remember the experience immediately. That came over the next six months in bits and pieces. My healing from the surgery was unprecedented. The next day I was up doing ballet bar exercises with a chair. The next day I was having wheelchair races with the interns. My doctor discharged me at that point. He had never had anyone heal as quickly as I had.
I had always been an extremely hyper person. It was impossible for me to be still. My behavior could have been diagnosed as ADDHD, though it wasn't that. I was highly impatient and excitable. After this experience, I would sit calmly for hours doing needlework. I was patient with everyone, and attentive. I would be quiet for hours, which was just the opposite of my behavior prior to this experience. After my mother watched me do this for a month, she looked at me one day and said, "You look like my daughter. You even sound like my daughter, but you are *not* my daughter. I don't know who you are, but you are not my daughter." She meant it too. She didn't recognize me; didn't know how to relate to me. Our relationship changed drastically and we were more distanced with each other after this. She never changed her mind that I wasn't "her daughter".
Over the next 3 years I finished my theology training and was ordained; lived and worked as a "live-in therapist" at a teenaged drug rehab environment <they>, had an overwhelming epiphany which opened my eyes to who and what I truly am; changed my name, divorced my husband, stumbled through discovering who I really was and that I didn't have to accept the judgments of other people about myself. I went through intensive therapy and had a near death motorcycle accident. Met and married my husband, and during his bout with cancer, prior to his death, discovered that I could heal people with my voice as well as my hands.
At this point, I stopped being a victim and became an empowered human being. I took charge of my life, made adjustments as I discovered new things about myself, changed my parenting modality, stopped dating for quite a while, opened a healing clinic and taught health care professionals how to do auric healing, laying on of hands, psychic diagnosis, and auric surgery. I had a direction, a purpose, and an identity. I have never wavered from that.
My chalice is always 3/4's full. I can find my joy in any situation. Like others, I am very accepting and strive not to be judgmental, though I failed more than I would like. I see and speak with dragons and faeries, communicate with flowers, herbs, vegetables, birds, and animals. I am less and less social as I age. I prefer the company of animals to humans in most instances. All of these things led me into "women's studies", then paganism, then witchcraft. Witches are the "Medicine People" of the Pagans. I'm very good at what I do.
One of my youngest grandsons told me this spring, "Grandma, you are the most patient human being I have ever met! I would never put up with what you do, but you always know how it will come out." My grandchildren are in awe of me. My children are still not sure how to take me. That is to be expected.
Now I teach the craft of the wise, healing, self love, etc. I have been named one of the leaders in American paganism because of my ability and my clear-sightedness. I keep as low a profile as possible for one who is internationally known through the internet. I believe there are no "accidents". All things happen in right order and right time. I am a catalyst in the lives of others, and I am complete within myself.
Christianity connected me to the divine. Buddhism grounded me and gave me permission to own my life and all my choices. Paganism fulfilled me and gave me a venue to work from in healing souls. I understand the meanings of so many things now that I didn't before. I enjoy sharing this with others. I have no problem sharing my experiences at any time.
In 1989 I became disabled with Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome, Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, and Fibromyalgia. I took an early retirement [after being] declared totally and permanently disabled in 1990. I believe this was to remove me from the "fast lane" and place me in a calm, peaceful, rural setting that would be more conducive to my heightened sensitivities to sound, light, color, smell, and nature. I don't believe I could have survived much longer in a city. The energy of cities batters me psychically. I have improved each year since then. I continue to serve where I am needed. My goal is to teach therapists and doctors my healing knowledge so that they can use it in their practices, or they can allow me to work with them on their patients.
By Anonymous on Thursday, October 2, 2003 - 04:16 pm:
What I remember,
some of this story is what my sister related to me months after the incident. The reason for this is I remember nothing. Most of the day was hazy, especially just before I had the cardiac arrest.
When I was 22yrs old I was living with my sister. Every Monday night she played beach volleyball and on occasion I’d fill in for a missing player. A vivid image of what I do remember is one of my sister’s friends stretching her legs. I do remember playing volleyball, but do not recall much. One minute I was playing volleyball, the next thing I knew I woke up in hospital. The unusual thing about waking up in the hospital was that it felt RIGHT. It felt that this was were I was supposed to be (although I have no recollection of anything that happened that could have led me there. [Question 5]).
I was sedated for 2 days and in those 2 days I felt that I was living in a dreamland, coming in and out of consciousness.
2 yrs. Later, I did a first aid course, and in this course they taught us a specific way to roll a person over on their side. We practiced it on a partner, then they practiced on me. When I was practiced upon, I definitely remembered being rolled exactly that way before. I knew straight away that it was from when I had my cardiac arrest. Deju vu. I did not have this memory prior to this first aid course.
When I was in hospital, I remember my mother shaving my face but my mother was supposed to be in Brisbane (1600kms away). I do not recall asking what happened but my mother tells me I kept asking everyone what happened. So when I woke up, I didn't ask any questions because I knew the answers. I just couldn't remember ever asking anyone anything. This is probably because of all the drugs I was given.
While I was recovering in the hospital, the ambulance drivers came in to see me. They told me to buy a lottery ticket and said that the chance for an out of hospital cardiac arrest survival was 1 in a thousand. On top of that, if it happened 6 months earlier, I wouldn't have made it to the hospital. Back then ambulances did not have defibrillators. My thanks go to the millionaire, who suffered something similar and therefore donated the money for defibrillators to be installed in ambulances.
I do not know how to word this next part but I will do my best.
When I read a book, just before I flip the page, I generally know what the next two or three words are. Also I often say things at exactly the same time as other people (jinx). We watched a home video of my sister and her boyfriend of their holidays together. In a part of the video, her boyfriend made an obscure comment on what I can't remember. But I do recall saying the exact same comment at the exact same time as he said it on camera while we were watching. Maybe I think the same way he does, or maybe it's psychic phenomena.
Now I am a 27-yr. old man, who was born with a hole in my heart. I have always had chest pain, (which is why I thought chest pain was normal) and now I have had an Inserted Cardiac Defibrillator (ICD, type of pacemaker) for 5yrs. My doctor wants me to have spinal surgery to remove some discs. He also said, if I do not have them removed, I could be a paraplegic in a few years time.
They tell me that I'm a very lucky man to still be alive. Sometimes I think that I am just unlucky not to be dead. They say you are still here because you have some unfinished business. But they never talk about the pain that comes with living.
I got this website from watching the movie Final Destination 2.
By Anonymous on Sunday, September 28, 2003 - 01:11 pm:
At the time this happened to me I didn’t know what it was all about.
These were the circumstances. I had a severe drinking problem, which developed over a period of years. I would go on a binge every 6 or so wks. I had gotten used to the horror of drying out. Although it terrified me at the time of “that weird experience” as I call it.
I just remember for a while the severe pain in my head disappeared for about 3 or 4 days after I stopped drinking. I couldn’t keep food or water in my system so I think I had alcoholic poisoning. The pain in my head was getting worse and worse it was as if it was in a vice and was getting tightened slow but sure. I went upstairs to lie down and just lay there in agony wishing it would leave.
Then what happened next was very scary. I was under the ground like being in tunnel. There were some other people but it was dark so I couldn’t make out who they were. As my fear was reaching the screaming stage I saw a dot of light and made for it. The next thing I knew I was in out from the dark and there was like sunshine all around me and a group of people were there. Two people in particular spoke to me but not with their mouth. Because I knew who they were I cowered. But in a split second it turned to relief. The woman said; “ITS OKAY WE LOVE HIM TOO”. You see the two women were my boyfriend’s wives. His first wife had committed suicide and his second had died from cancer after a short marriage. There was such a lovely feeling coming from them. They treated me like a much loved sister. And then I was looking at my mother who had died 3 or 4 yrs. previously from emphysema. She said; “I can breath alright now” and she was about 30 yrs. of age, but 69 when she died. She was letting me know she was fine now I’m convinced of that. The feeling all around me was utter love, unconditional love from every one. I also knew these people were all dead, but I wasn’t afraid. It was like coming home.
Then I began to feel apprehensive cause I couldn’t stay .I knew I came down from somewhere which scared me. Then the pain was back in my head, but more bearable.
Now since that time my life has improved where I believed in the religious side of things I don’t now. I do believe in a greater power of spirituality. After about a year I stopped drinking and haven’t drunk for almost 12years. I have a home of my own. Am no longer involved with the man who was in my life at that time. Things have happened to me beyond my wildest dreams .I know longer fear being dead as such life does go on. I’ve been there. I know what’s ahead of me. I’d like the human race to experience what I did. It was wonderful.
I’ve also had some spiritual things happen to me from my family who have passed on.
Over the last few years I can only assume that it was a NDE that I had but didn’t know what it was at the time. I didn’t tell anyone about this because they would think I was a nutcase. But I’m more of a person now. But will only talk about this with people with an open mind. Thanks for letting me share this with you.
By Anonymous on Sunday, September 28, 2003 - 12:20 pm:
I was being treated in hospital for a "chemical imbalance" after the birth of my first child. After having serious marriage problems I stopped sleeping much and was way too "up". About 10 days after the birth I entered the hospital. After initial assessment they decided I needed to sleep. I was walking down the hall of the hospital with my mom when the nurse approached with the medication. I took the pills and immediately felt the wild symptoms. I knew that I had to find my bed and called out to my mom to take me there, my eyes were rolling up and my tongue felt like it was choking me. I groped to my bed and fell unconscious face down.
I immediately left my body, travelling so fast within this amazing comforting all encompassing light (words cannot describe this feeling) I arrived at a place where a being (guide) held my hand while different parts of my life played out before me like a movie. However everything was from inside of the person I was with at the time. How they felt when I looked at them, talked to them.... It was a huge shock. I became full of knowledge that was like a burden to me. I still have to stop myself from telling people about themselves and their behavior today.
Anyway, next came more like a tunnel, at the end was a group of my family waiting for me in a garden. Far in the distance I could see many things like a beautiful city or large palace. It was strange because it didn't look like it was on land. Maybe an island or something. In-between was a small river it was amazingly beautiful. Things smelled wonderful. (Words are not powerful enough to describe these sights) there was music softly playing but no musicians. Everything was in its natural form. No technology.
My great-grandmother was the strongest presence there (and in life as well, I knew her until I was 14) and she broke into my amazed reverence and said point blank" you cannot stay here". I argued. I pleaded. She forced me to look down and all of a sudden I was in the hospital watching the doctor from a height of about 15- 20 ft or so. The ceilings were only average height so I was looking through the floor! My mom was on the side of the bed near the door and the nurse was on the other side. The doctor was right on the bed on top of me giving me a needle (adrenaline) into my neck, he was shouting at me "don't forget to breath". My mother was crying hard and holding onto the wall for support. I heard a voice in my head "you have a choice, will you leave your mother and your baby behind?" The very next moment I took a breath and opened my eyes, smiled at the doctor and said; “what are you so worried about I am fine”, and then I sat up. He freaked out. He pushed me back down and shouted at me to lay still. I tried to reassure him. I told him I saw what he did and that I went someplace wonderful. All he said was "I'm so glad you came back".
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