Newest Accounts

These NDE accounts were submitted to our website and are published here anonymously. Minor edits have been made to protect the identity of the experiencer and others who may have been involved with the experience. Note to researchers and authors: IANDS cannot grant permission to publish quotations from these NDE accounts because we have not received permission from the NDE authors to do so. However, we advise authors who wish to use quotations from these accounts to follow the Fair Use Doctrine. See our Copyright Policy for more information. We recommend adopting this practice for quotations from our web site before you have written your book or article.

Near-death soldier taken to past time where his soul is joined by another man

I would like to tell you about my Near-Death Experience. It all started while I was in Army Basic Training while combat training with pugil sticks which are large sticks with pads on both ends to resemble a rifle (one end would be a bayonet, or knife, and the other end would be the butt of the rifle). While sparring with my opponent, I knocked him to the ground to end the sparring. As the Drill Sergeant blew the whistle to stop, I backed up and stood at attention. I thought my opponent was stumbling to get to his feet but he came at me with an uppercut from which I received a concussion.

I was told to lie down and rest but wasn’t doing very well, so I was taken back to the barracks to rest. When the rest of the men returned to the barracks, they found me unconscious in a pool of my own drool and sweating. I was taken to the commander’s office where I was eventually taken by ambulance to the hospital. As I tried to get in the ambulance, I collapsed and didn’t wake up until the next day. At the time of arrival at the hospital my temperature was 107 and it peaked at 109. I was bagged down with ice trying to reduce my temperature. The doctors declared me brain dead because I had such a high fever for so long that they didn’t think I would ever recover.

During this time, I found myself opening my eyes in what I thought was heaven. I stood before this man who opened his arms to his side as if to welcome me. We were in a dark grey concrete room with wooden beams around the door. The door was planks of wood put together. The man turned a little bit towards me and opened his arms in welcome. He was dressed in a robe-style outfit of a dirty whitish tan color that went down to his feet. He had a gold-colored cloth belt with a buckle of some sort to keep it taut. He wore a brown shawl over his shoulders. The hood that was part of the robe spread from shoulder to shoulder when laid flat down on his back. His skin was Mediterranean-colored. He had black hair and beard and was well-groomed. He stood tall with a warm, welcoming serious look about him. 

I didn’t know the man and we weren’t introduced. Some people have suggested that this was Jesus Christ or Noah but I say that I just don’t know. All I know is what he looked like. 

As I stood looking at this man, he held out one hand to his right side to point to a lady in the same room who had been there all along. She had blond hair with a hint of red. It was short hair with similar clothing that was more cut and sewn. This lady was surrounded by a light. The lady extended her hand as I approached her and took her hand. She was a very pleasant person with a warm smile and touch. When I took her hand and sat down beside her, we instantly traveled through a beam of light. Almost in the blink of an eye we went from location to location.

I had a life review first. She took me back to different times of my childhood. I was shown when I was a child. I saw myself on the day I found out my grandmother died. From above I watched myself walk out of the house and around to the backyard because I was feeling bummed out. As we traveled in this beam of light I was taken where we were high above earth looking upon it.  We were suspended in space in an orb of light for the entire time. There were no words spoken between us through any of this. 

In between traveling, I had more time to look at the place I was at before, with the man and woman in the room. I noticed everything was in early Roman days. Buildings and clothes were very interesting. The buildings appeared to be made of concrete with wooden beams over doorways. The concrete was dark grey. The roof seemed to be just beams that were covered by wood shingles. One building appeared to have marble columns with large concrete blocks that were stacked together. It was fairly large.

The paths through the buildings were like stones, polished from traffic. Some people were dressed in silk-type clothing in beautiful colors and styles, but most were dressed in common cloth robes. Shoes appeared to be just leather pads and straps. Everyone appeared to be fairly clean and well-groomed. Everyone wants to try to give an answer for some of this. I personally think what I saw was from Biblical times, and that I went back in time thousands of years. I feel I was time traveling.

My experience ended when I woke and sat up on the edge of the bed, trying to figure out what was going on. The nurse came over. The medical professionals thought I would have been in a permanent coma until I died. The nurse was happy. She ran over to me and said, “Oh, I thought you never were going to wake up.” 

When I got home after basic training and AIT, the people who knew me before told me I wasn’t the same person anymore. This is one of the things that has stuck with me. 

Another is this: while I was traveling with this woman, the man somehow joined my body. I wonder if I didn’t die that day and the person who was me left and the soul that came into the body is still here. I really don’t know. When I see my hands in my out-of-body experiences, it’s his hands—the Mediterranean guy’s hands—the guy I stood with in the room in my NDE. I believe I have shared my existence with him, which has led to an interesting 30 years of out-of-body experiences and visions and visits from God. 

I recently have gone through an awakening with my last visit from God. He asked if humanity deserved to survive. As I was about to answer, the man living inside me answered, “no.”

I look forward to sharing my entire lifetime of experiences in the near future. 

Welsh woman is cared for in heavenly hospital while in coma

I was placed in an induced coma in March 2011 after suffering 3 heart attacks and 2 cardiac arrests over a period of about 4 hours. Luckily for me I was sitting in A&E at the time after being taken there by my husband after complaining of feeling unwell. I went into cardiac arrest and they had to spend around 40 minutes resuscitating me and trying to keep my heart going. I was taken to ICU where I was placed in a coma. The initial outlook /prognosis was not good and my family were told to expect the worst. They didn't know if I'd survive the next few hours or not. I could hear my husband’s mother and the children’s voices encouraging me to stay with them and fight.

At this point a huge calmness engulfed my very soul and the need to go to this bright light was just overwhelming. I was floating into it and had no wish for it to stop. I just had to get there. I suddenly found myself in a hospital ward setting. I still had this calmness and serenity surrounding me and there was nowhere else I wanted to be.

A young nurse in an old-fashioned nurse’s uniform came to the side of my bed and spoke to me. She said, “Hello, Vanessa. I want you to know that the doctors and nurses are working very hard to make you well again. Try not to worry, but know I will leave you for a little while with your family and I will come back to see you soon.” 

I was aware of others around me but cannot recall actually seeing anyone else’s face. My family came to visit and I was aware of them being there but not of any communication. Just feeling so very content and peaceful.

The next thing I knew the young nurse was back at the side of my bed. She touched my hand and said, “I'm sorry, Vanessa, but you can't stay. You have to go back, but don't worry, I'll accompany you. It will be fine.” 

My next feelings were all ones of not being well. I immediately felt anxious and knew I had to fight. Very vivid strange dreams then occurred involving  my fight to get there. These dreams made no sense whatsoever and I would find it difficult to even explain them. I had many dreams thereafter, some nightmarish ones too, all very frightening. 

Which leads me to believe that my NDE was and did happen. No one will ever convince me that it wasn't or didn't happen to me.

Nurse, dead for 20 minutes, sees God but can't enter

In 1989 I had graduated nursing school and was working as a nurse in a hospital. I had a patient that was in isolation with pneumonia. Somehow I contracted the same type of pneumonia, even though I used all necessary precautions. I was sick overnight. I woke up with severe chills and a fever of 102. I still lived in the nursing dorm, so I woke up another nurse who took me to the hospital across the street. The doctors in the ER admitted me immediately.

By the next day I was running fevers of 104. The highest my fever got was 105.2. I was very sick. I couldn't breathe out of my nose or mouth. The infection control doctor said I had Klebsiella pneumonia, which has a high mortality rate. I was in the hospital for about 2 months. One day I was running fevers of around 104-105, couldn't breathe, and just wanted to be out of the sickness. I wanted to get better. I'm an only child, and my mother was told by the doctors that I wasn't improving, even though I was being given massive doses of antibiotics. They even told my mother I would probably die, because I was septic by then. She was screaming, "But she's only 23!!"

I don't remember the specific day, but after being sick for 2 months I remember saying to myself, I just can't take this anymore. I remember hearing the doctors and nurses around my bed in ICU saying, "She's not gonna make it."

I closed my eyes and then I was in another realm. No tunnel of light or anything. I was just there. At first I was slightly confused. Where am I? I was on a path and I could see hills, green grass, a flowing brook, and a low stone wall. I saw animals of all kinds and lots of flowers. The colors were very vivid, and there are no colors on earth like them. I could hear soft music coming from somewhere, but I couldn't tell where it was coming from. I saw bearded irises on the path I was on, and I leaned over to smell them. They smelled just like lemonade!!

All of a sudden a large golden coach appeared. There were people in it, and the door opened. I got in without any question. There were no drivers on the coach. In all the NDEs I've read, I've never heard of anyone else mentioning a coach of any kind. Well, we were taken to a mansion, that's the only way I can describe it, and into a very large room with people of all ages, races, etc. The room was round and there were gold candles on the walls. The walls were a robins egg blue with gold trim. Two huge doors were on one side of the room. There were many, many people in this room.

All of a sudden I felt a strong presence behind me. I turned around and there was my great-grandmother and my grandmother!! I grew up in the same house with them, so I knew who they were, but they looked like they were about 17-21 years old. My GG died in 1978 at the age of 100, and my grandmother, whom I was extremely close to, had passed away 3 years before in 1985. There was no way I could have recognised my GG, since I had no picture of her when she was 17 in 1895. But I knew them both. They wouldn't let me touch them, but they said I wasn't ready and would see them again someday.

About that time the two huge doors opened. Beings appeared that somehow I knew were angels. They wore a very bright white and were very tall. About 10 feet or more. I was not frightened by their presence. They began to take groups of people through these doors. I wanted to go, but they said it wasn't my time. I could see a very bright light, and somehow I knew it was God. All of a sudden everything I ever questioned made sense. I knew instantly we are one with everything. Another thing. Everyone spoke, but it was almost like telepathy. I turned around to see my GG and grandmother, saying I wanted to stay. They said again no, you're not ready.

And the next thing I know I was opening my eyes back in ICU. Just like that. I closed my eyes again wanting so much to go back, but I couldn't. One of the nurses turned around and gasped. She said I was pronounced dead about 20 minutes ago. The doctors could never understand how I "recovered" in their words. I knew then I had died and I got a small glimpse of heaven.

It has taken me over 30 years for me to ever tell anyone what I experienced. The first person I told was my husband, and that was after we had been married for years. I was not oxygen deprived, I was not on any narcotics, and I did not dream this!! I finally have opened up and told my NDE to others.

I use this as an example of what I experienced. Did you wake up this morning and eat breakfast, shower, maybe drove to work? Did you really do those things or did you dream it? You really did. That's what my NDE was. It was VERY REAL, very vivid and beyond wonderful!! And to this day, when I lean over to smell an iris, I still smell the scent of lemonade.

A lifetime: Brief moments of light when suddenly truth beams on us

I was born October 29, 1960 as one of twin girls. One sunny day, my brother was tossing a large football-sized rock with a friend of his for fun. I was told to remain on the porch as they played but saw my dolly under a mimosa tree on a white iron chair that wrapped around the entire tree. I ignored the warning and went to grab it. As soon as I reached the tree the large rock hit my head and cracked my skull. I believe I felt warmth flush down my entire body. I heard a loud bell sound and my body dropped like a carelessly thrown garment as I went upward into the arms of a beautifully light-filled being, an angel.

I immediately trusted and loved this angel. I never wanted the angel to leave. I knew what was being told to me by this lovely joyful love-filled being was one hundred percent truth.  I was draped in the arms of this light-filled long-haired being and want to say red-haired being too. The light moved within the body as well as flowed as part of the clothing or gown she was wearing, but the light always kept me from seeing the face entirely. The light changed and danced throughout the being, blinding me from seeing this loving angel being’s face totally.

She was carrying me up a huge beautiful white spiral staircase, and brilliant lights were shining and sparkling all around us. I felt so safe. At that age (I was in elementary school, never was away from home) and in this being’s arms, I had not a single care in the world. I don’t think I gave a second thought to anything down here at that moment. I was in pure bliss. The being’s voice had a true joyful loving sound to it as well. Its honesty and love and joyousness, I could not only hear but felt inside my spirit.

I was looking around at the lights. When I mentioned how pretty they were to this angel being, this angel being agreed and said, “Yes.” As I heard the angel answering briefly to another presence, I was swallowed up into a lovely warm pink existence where there was what I would explain as a healing loving softness. That’s the best I can explain for now.

What my family was witnessing was totally different, even terrifying. My mother recalls driving out of town with seven of my other siblings when the awful knowing that something has happened to her daughter washed over her. She said it was a knowing. She drove to a phone and called home and turned back home after hearing the news.  From what I’ve pieced together, she saw me with my eyes rolled back, revealing the root, and I was bleeding a pool of blood from my head as well as covered in blood I had vomited.       

Back in my experience, I am laid down in what I believe to be mid-air. In space this angel chats with me, assuring me everything is just as it should be. This being directs my attention to my left and I see afar off a golden bright entrance. The being tells me heaven and Jesus are there and there’s a place for me. Now I know there was much more great discussion between us, but my memory was wiped possibly (haha). Really though, this being knew me entirely.

The angel being says, “Would you like to go to heaven or stay with your mommy and daddy?” As soon as she said mommy and daddy, I see a photo picture fly right up to my face in the middle of outer space where I’m laying comfortably with all the stars. The image that flies up was of my mommy and daddy fighting and I am immediately drawn to my mother’s image and a deep need to help her somehow. I had no care for my father at that moment, only the deep need to help my mother. When I saw my mother’s image, I chose to come back for her. The angel being told me to lie very still after assuring me everything was just fine. Well, everything goes black, but then something blacker than that black walks up and down along side of me a few times and leaves.

I wake up in the hospital, being told later I was in a coma for three days. I tell my mom some of what I had been through and she said not to repeat it. It’s funny I couldn’t tell her about the picture of her and dad that made me return. She told me not to talk of it. And I immediately knew she was thinking I had a missing screw bolt and rusty spring from my brain (lol). I was told the doctors were to do a surgery, but my skull had miraculously fallen back into place.

I’ve asked others in my family later in life, but apparently none of my other sisters and brothers were told of even where I was. Later I found out a lie had been told about who had thrown the rock. My brother did, not his friend who was blamed. They thought I wasn’t going to pull through. But even now I’ve never heard the entirety of the experience from their viewpoint because it was so very hushed.

I returned to school, but shortly after took aptitude tests, and I was passed from 6th to 8th grade for achieving a high score. I feel the NDE experience helped me answer the test questions, possibly giving me a higher IQ. I’m not saying I’m smart, but that something helped me answer...sounds insane lol. But I know I was helped somehow by the NDE. That’s the best I can explain.

Now, later in growing up, I was given the knowledge I would have a retarded child and that I was going to because I wouldn’t hurt a disabled child. I say retarded because that is the term I understood in that day. I recall actually standing at the end of our sidewalk wondering why I would have a retarded child, but knew I had to remember it.

Later in life I had my beautiful Down Syndrome daughter. I knew about this instantly. Before the doctors could say that she had Down Syndrome, I was telling them she has Down Syndrome. I had learned the term by a sister-in-law whose child was born with this extra chromosome (trisomy 21). Before they could tell me, I knew because I flashed back to the day I stood saying to myself, “You have to remember this day,” when I received the information I was to have a retarded child. So, yes, I remembered.

Other things occurred throughout my life that always reminded me this world is not all there is. When I was growing up in a very abusive home with an alcoholic father, I would pray for Holy Spirit to fill me from the bottoms of my toes to the top of my head. In one experience after prayer, Holy Spirit leapt into my body and immediately leapt out again, rushing through my head. But as if that wasn’t odd enough, when it jumped out of my head, my entire being was with that spirit, like being pulled with it together in unison. My body (my tent) was somehow being pulled upward as well, but it somehow shut me off from jumping out with the Holy Spirit. The force of spirit jumping out actually caused me to tilt my head back and raise my eyes involuntarily from the force.

Then I clearly heard my name being said by spirit. The voice, though male, had the same loving, joyous-full, all-knowing tone the angel being had during my rock injury NDE, although at that time I thought the rock injury angel was female. But I’m not sure why. Possibly the beauty of it, but I can’t be sure.

Now I want to tell of another near-death experience in my early teens. I would sometimes experiment by taking my father’s pills, usually a Librium, which they gave to alcoholics then. On this occasion I saw a small glass vial that said, “Place under tongue...” and some other words I didn’t read. So, I picked up the tiny pill and put it above my bed.

One afternoon I thought it must be like the melatonin or poison ivy pill so I popped it in my mouth and the next thing I know, my heart is pounding so very hard very fast. I’m trying to will my heart to stop this. While feeling the massive pressure and pounding it’s going through, I’m asking for forgiveness with my every fiber of my being. I’m thinking, “I’m alone and I’m gonna die.” But, I see my father at my doorway and, unable to talk, I reach out my hand. He approaches close enough, and I pull his hand to my heart, knowing it will reveal the issue.

At that moment I evaporate into the ground through my bed and the floor of the house into a very dark tunnel where I am speeding downward into darkness. I am on a black clear object, as contradictory as this seems, and I scramble to get off it as it rushes downward with me on it. As I scramble to get off, I am aware of other presences around the surface I’m on. The other beings scared me, and there was no fighting what was happening, so I go back to laying in the middle of the object.

At that point I’m dead and I know it, and soon it slows like an elevator slowly stops and arrives at the edge of a black deep cavern. I see way across to a golden throne with a red robe or cloth throw draped across the left arm. To the right of that, several feet away, there is a golden-looking box with a couple of gears you might see in a wind-up jewelry box. This image is lit in an area way off, surrounded in darkness.

I’m in a sitting up position and somehow know to turn awkwardly to my right and there I see massive, intricate metal doors. By massive I mean incredibly massive. I was shocked and amazed and wondering who could have built such massive doors that worlds could fit in.

I studied them and as I studied, I was aware of something coming for me but I knew that I had time, so I continued really studying the doors. If you’ve ever seen a metal tack for furniture that has the tortoiseshell appearance, these massive doors had hammered metal and if you can imagine, even a hammer mark on this door was the size worlds could fit inside. So, I was in total awe of who was capable of creating this. Was it God? I didn’t think it looked like heaven’s doors, but thought I was looking at the most massive furnace doors.

Now as I sit, I feel parts of my life drip from my spirit body like water. It was like the stories of my life fall away through the surface I’m sitting on until the last drip. I knew I was going to hell and knew I deserved to go, but as the last portion fell away, there was what I like to call a small “belief-in-God stone.” I’m saying stone for lack of wording but there was a belief in God that did not fall through the surface, and as I was revealed that, a group of beings similar to the grey alien came up out of the black cavern. And I thoroughly knew I deserved hell and even said so, saying, “Come, Lord Jesus.”

Something in me said, “Pray.” The aliens had large, empty black eyes. I saw beyond their eyes into emptiness that went on forever, like if it were possible to step in to that eye, it would be a dark very vast empty place, void of anything. The largest being of the group of four or five threw his hand into my soul and was trying to capture or scare or hurt me. I felt electrical charge run through my soul’s lower right side. The being’s hands were emitting some sort of rough electrical shocking charge, but as fast as this is shocking me, I begin the Lord’s Prayer. When I was provoked to pray the Lord’s Prayer, I knew I had to do it NOW because there is an alien demon’s hand in my side.

A dim light appears either from me or behind me, and as that light appears, these creatures turn and flee, and I mean flee fast. My praying the Lord’s Prayer and light appearing and their running all happened within seconds. I prayed bolder and louder. As I saw them flee, I knew it made them flee from me somehow.  As I saw them flee, at that same time, I was pulled back up into my bed where I opened my eyes to my father praying, saying he was too terrified to move me to even get help.

Man, oh man, I was so exhausted when I opened my eyes and saw my father, like zero strength left in me. I was always strong as a horse back then but at that moment I was in shock from the experience. I was grateful and eager to hide my face and cry over what I had been through and drift into true sleep because of the weakness of my body when I returned. I needed rest.

The prayer and the light were somehow a substance they found deadly or possibly worse than death, if there is such a thing. I can’t say enough how fast they turned and fled. A few days after the experience, I looked at the bottle and it was a nitroglycerin pill for a 300 lb. man with an instruction to place under the tongue.

The reason I even tell about any of my past is on the off chance it may help someone. There is a God that loves us and a World awaits us!!!!!!!!!! 

I would like tell of my husband’s NDE as well. Bob was born July 29, 1926 and I was born October 29, 1960. When he was a day away from passing, he told me he saw something golden on his bedside table that reached way up and that I couldn’t see it but it was there. I easily said, “I believe you.” Bob also mentioned a puppy in his room running in and out and a presence in the bathroom. I assured him I believed him. He told me he had the “big talk” with God, and when I looked in his eyes, they sparkled like a happy little boy playing. He appeared innocent (lol if you knew Bob) but I somehow knew he was an innocent man just by looking in his eyes at that moment.

The night before or possibly a day or so before my husband passed, he had me alone and said, “Janet, I fell out of my body last night and couldn’t get back in my room.” He said he was able to crawl around on the door (he said after he was going around the knob, he realized this wouldn’t get him in his room) and walk in the hall and was very confused for a while. To get back into the shell of his body, he made diving and swim motions with his arms. As he spoke of this, I was immediately assuring him that it was a true experience and went about giving Bob his puzzle book and office work he wanted to work on.

I was going on my birthday to shave him and thought I’d call him first. He answered shakenly. I said, “I love you, Bob.” He said, “I luv yuoooo,” and a nurse came on and asked, “Does he normally have a hand issue? I’ll call you right back.” She called me right back saying he passed after his “I love yuoooo” comment. He died on my birthday, so October 29, 2016 somehow became a stamp inside my being of the love he had at the end for God, family, life, me and this confusing world we live in.

I mention his experience because it was my experience as well, and it left me with a knowing that his and my meeting was a meant-to-be kind of thing. The first day I saw Bob, a knowledge was given to me that I would marry him. I had just left a horrible marriage and he was much older, and all I kept thinking while peeking at him, not letting him see me look at him was, “Why????????? Would I be marrying him????????” Well, we married and had the best twenty years of my life!!!!  So, I honestly am telling whoever this may reach with a very assured feeling that his and my life were pre-ordained somewhere beyond this world, but I get confused still of the why.

I only get tiny slices of a massive 3D pie, so from earth vantage we may be buried under many layers of what I would call blindness, until a brief moment of light and suddenly truth beams on us. Then we are able to understand we are right where we are supposed to be and everything is going as planned. An all-is-well kind of knowing brushes over my thoughts.

Both my experiences were good. I summarize my near-death experiences this way: you go to a place where you know who you are, then you come back to a place where nobody knows who you are, so it doesn’t work out. So, you’ve got to ride it out, baby!

I was one with God consciousness

The birth of my third child was by emergency c-section. The overtone during the birth/surgery was one of hushed, quiet voices. Very little shared or explained. A general feeling of unease throughout. 

Once the birth/surgery was over I was reunited with my little one in the Maternity Ward. I was in a lot of pain as was to be expected and had what I thought to be an unusual amount of discomfort. I had had two previous c-sections and I knew that this felt different. I was assured all was well and that the healing was on track. 

I was allowed to go home two days later. I thought that if I got home, I would begin to feel better again. But what followed was ten days of subdued, quiet awareness. Like I wasn't quite myself but could not pinpoint what was wrong. Two more visits to the Midwife proved everything to be 'fine'. Even though my baby was losing weight and I had no milk. But none of these rang alarm bells for me or the medical staff, and my assertations of general unease were put down to my recent surgery. It was noted, however, that I had an extreme amount of bruising around the incision. The midwife made my doctor aware of this and was told to keep an eye on it and if I was concerned, then I should book an appointment.

The ten days blurred by. I was aware that my baby was incredibly patient and quiet. Rarely cried and slept most of the time. It didn't occur to me that I had no milk until perhaps the seventh day. Uncharacteristically, he began to wail. And it all began to make sense. That night we gave him milk from the fridge as it was all we had and he was soothed.

I had begun to bleed by this stage. Bright red drops. Light at first, nothing too alarming. I thought it odd, but my thoughts were not clear. Over the next three days, the bleeding became heavier until on the tenth day I could not keep up with the pad change. I called the doctor, still unconcerned. I made my appointment and sat down to feed my baby.

Not long after I sat down, I felt an overwhelming sense of something. A fullness perhaps. An eruption just about to begin. At that exact moment, my husband walked in the door. Home early to grab a bite to eat. I gave him the baby with an urgency that overcame me. I just knew I needed to get up.

And then the flood began. The blood streamed down my legs, warm and heavy. The flow was torrential. At some point, my husband had put the baby down and was now holding me. I was leaning against him crying and crying out. “What is happening??” I simply did not understand what I was seeing and feeling. I squeezed my legs tight together in an effort to stop the flow. To no avail.

And then suddenly I understood the absurdity of trying to control this. I realised there was nothing I could do that could change this and I had to simply go with it. I had the intense sensation that my whole life was bleeding away, and I was overcome with a sense of peace. Time and space slowed right down. I could see decisions and the choices being made. I took a long deep breath and saw the Universe shifting and expanding.

I knew then that I could make a choice to be terrified and panic. Or I could make a choice to surrender. Let go. Let go of my life. And I saw that there was, in fact, no choice. There was only one. Let go. And it felt like a complete letting go of my life.

My husband put me in the shower while he raced around getting things organised. In his panic, he forgot to turn on the hot water. I had a ridiculous thought that I was going to bleed to death in a freezing shower and I began to laugh! But then as I saw the blood in its constant stream, I slowly cried. Big heavy tears. Watching my life slip away has a very calming and grounding effect on me. And by this stage, nothing was stopping the blood. I shoved a towel between my legs to catch the flow. I noticed that there was blood all over the floor. Everywhere. And I felt that panic again. And then I breathed. That slowness. That higher part of myself stepped in. She knew exactly what to do and slowed everything down.

And everything stayed incredibly slow. My husband was talking too fast. Moving too fast. Driving too fast. More than once I asked him to slow down in a very calmed, measured voice. He looked at me like I was crazy. Arriving at the hospital was intense. Everyone around me was in emergency mode. I couldn't reconcile it with how I was feeling. Calm. Still. Quiet. I wanted to sleep.

I was later transferred to a larger hospital and thought it a bit of an overreaction with the lights, sirens and speed of the ambulance. The nurse and medic beside me continued to move with speed. 

Once at the hospital, I was prepped for surgery with cannula after cannula going into my arms and hands. Each new doctor asked what, when, how. And I think I explained it to them but I have little memory of this time. I felt I was talking too slowly and quietly for them to understand. I had several hours where I lost consciousness here. When I awoke it was to find they were flying me to a city hospital. I think this is the first time reality stepped in. I suddenly understood where I was and what was happening and I began to cry again.

The plane waited several more hours as I needed to be stable enough to make the flight. Eventually, late at night, I was wrapped in blankets waiting on the gurney in an open hanger to board the Flying Doctors plane. I was conscious again and I could see the stars all around me. And suddenly the distance between those stars and me was reduced to nothing. I was aware that I was the stars, the universe and consciousness. I found my Presence here. Under these stars. I saw everything as a whole and connected. And it was overwhelming and normal all at once. I felt such immense joy! I was part of this!

On the journey to the city, I felt completely supported and surrounded by what one could only call angelic beings. So were so close I felt I could touch them. I really wanted to be with them but the doctor kept gently shaking me awake. I smiled up at him each time. It was so peaceful in that semi-conscious state. Everything had a beautiful golden glow.

Just before surgery, I was waiting in a small room beside the operating theatre. The anesthetist was beside me. She said she would check if they were ready for me and left me alone. In those moments I started to cry again. Big, slow tears rolling down my face as I lay there. I was just so tired. So incredibly tired. Soul weary. I realised I didn't want to be kept awake anymore. I just wanted to sleep. And in sleeping, I knew I would be giving up my life. And I decided that it was the easiest decision I had ever made. I felt my body and mind begin to let go.

Then I saw a hand beside me. And a firm and cheery voice said to me, “Are you coming with us then? Or staying here?” And I knew what this meant. I knew I was leaving my body. I was shown briefly an apocalyptic scene and was given the understanding that this had been my life. A life lived in fear. Then I reached out for that hand and had a split-second of thinking about my family. I knew immediately that they would be ok. They had their own life. 

And then freedom. Immense and full. Understanding and knowing. I was pulled out of my body very fast. And then the music began. And fireworks. A celebration on every level. Choirs of angels and jubilation! I felt free. I was weightless. A beam of light. Flying, soaring through the bright sky. The light was immense and went in every direction. Blue, bright sky everywhere. I had those first few moments of reveling in that glory of freedom. And then I knew exactly where I needed to be.

I moved off in a specific direction. Soaring extremely fast through that space, the enormity and interconnectedness of everything was an all-consuming feeling. I was one with God Consciousness. I was still aware of myself as me, but the super-expanded version. The version that knew all and saw all.

I saw a structure hanging in the sky in the distance. This was where I was headed. It was circular in shape. I saw three over light beams also heading that way. I felt utter elation. I knew who they were and I was excited to meet them again.

I arrived at what was a vast Library. Greeting the others was like greeting friends and family, although none were from my previous life. These were more ancient than that. Cycling throughout time together. Some had not been incarnate for thousands of years. I was home with them. And we were so happy to see one another.

We talked and reminisced. We shared stories of my life. We discussed contracts and purpose. How did I feel about my life? And then I was handed a book. I flicked through and it looked empty. Every page was blank. And then I opened to a page with words. And when I saw those two words, I knew I was coming back to my life. I was going back. I was supported in this decision, asked again and again if that was what I wanted. I just knew if I didn't, I would be coming back again to do this. This life thing. Another birth. Another life. Another journey. And I knew that I may not get it again. “Self Worth” had been my nemesis many whole lifetimes. Thousands of them. A vast stream flashing by me. And I knew it. This was the one thing left to master.

Once I had made the decision, I moved out of the library space. I spent a moment with my 'family.' Knowing that I would see them again, I made my way out to the vastness. And I began to feel myself moving down 'levels.' The light was gradually less bright and I started to take on my physical form once again. My physical form began to manifest out of the atoms all around me. Vast groups of them joining together and layering over my body. I could feel them take their place all around my energetic body. They covered me and energised me. It was like putting on a beautiful cloak. And having it settle a warmth all over me. It was an incredible feeling that I can still feel today.

I touched down onto a road. It was wide and long. Long grass and flowers waving gently in the breeze on either side. I started to walk and as I walked, a house started to come into view. As I got closer, I could hear voices. Laughter, talking. Then I could see groups of people in a cottage garden. I walked in through the front gate and headed for the front door. I didn't feel like I knew any of these faces.

I stepped inside the house to subdued light. Like a soft orange and golden glow. I noticed that the room was full of small children, toddlers and infants. Outside it was all adults. These children were holding one another; there was support from elderly helpers, like grandparents. Some children were walking or being carried up some stairs over to one side. I joined them on the stairs and found I had my hands being held by some small children.

I could see at the top of the stairs an old couple hugging and whispering to the children and babies. When I got to the top, they hugged me and whispered words of love into my ears. The children were then taken to various doors to go through. I stood watching for a while. Uncertain that I wanted to be here. 

The Grandmother motioned to me. “Are you ready?” She asked. I shook my head. She asked me two more times before she said, “Come and help us.” So I took my place at the top of the stairs and whispered words of love into each child's ear...

After a while, she looked at me. A questioning look. I nodded and got up. I walked through a door. And inside was a mirror on the wall. The room was soft and glowing and dim. I walked up to the mirror and looked into my eyes. “Are you ready?” I asked. I wasn't sure I was, but I did it anyway.

Vroom. Sucked back into my body again. Waking up after surgery. My very first statement was, “I am here.” I had been intubated so my croaky voice did not carry very far. The midwife in my room said, “Oh you're awake!” and gave me some ice to suck.

I was back. In my body. In my life. Ready with my purpose.

I lost 4 litres of blood. I was transfused with 6 pints of blood and 15 pints of plasma. I had my uterine arteries cauterised and never was able to bring my milk supply back for my little one. I spent many weeks recovering in hospital and then had home care after. 

It has taken me six years and counting to rewrite my life. In many ways, I have been reborn. I lost many memories. Had a very dark night of the soul where I developed anxiety, depression and PTSD. Longed for that connection again and had many long nights contemplating how I could get back. After the initial euphoria, I lost all reality and ceased to function on a normal level.

But slowly, slowly, I began to access that peace and grace in waking life. I began to see the slowness and the vastness and the choice. I began to love myself. I was grounded, slow and thoughtful. My speech, my breath, the way I move, everything slowed down. Everything in my life changed.

Now I am helping others access that innate peace inside them. Through reality, acceptance, surrender and self-love. Connecting them to their past. Their lineage. And that knowing that we are not alone in this vastness. Always connected. Part of the whole. Part of the one consciousness. It all matters, yet nothing matters. 

I had a second OBE on my way home from the hospital. I lived 500 kms from the city hospital and my Mum offered to drive me and my baby home as I was not allowed to drive. We got about 60 kms from my hometown and I had an overwhelming urge to swap with my Mum and drive. She resisted this, but I insisted. Further up the road, a car pulled out in front of us. We were travelling at 110 kph when this happened. I had no time to brake, but only respond. In that split-second, I swerved around the car on the outside, onto the roadside. There just happened to be a small slipway there. I left my body and looked down at the car and my baby in the back. I saw his car seat swerve violently. I heard clearly, “Are you sure?” I have no doubt that my Mother could not have reacted quickly enough and had I not insisted I drive, it may have been a different outcome for us all. I am so incredibly grateful for my life. Although to this day my Mum can't speak about that drive.

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