Archive through August 20, 2004
- Created: Friday, 20 August 2004 16:38
By Anonymous on Friday, August 20, 2004 - 08:22 pm:
I'm not sure if you can even call this a NDE. My mother passed away at her home early in the morning on December 31. There was a snow storm during the night so they didn't pick up her body until after noon. During the morning I sat with her body and told her how happy I was for her that she no longer was in pain, she died of cancer. She believed very strongly in God and a life after, I on the other hand some how knew her passing wasn't just the end, that's why I kept talking to her.
I traveled a long way to be with her two days before she passed and didn't get to sleep for over 40 hours, so when I went to sleep that night she died, sleep came very easy. I wasn't asleep long before I had a very vivid dream. In the dream I was standing in a dim light, I felt I was boxed in. In front of me was a short fence, hardly one foot high, I could have easily stepped over it, but I was held back as if my feet were rooted to the spot. On the other side of the fence I could see a small clearing with a field of flowers in such wonderful colors, they looked as if they glowed of their own light. To the left was a lake or some other large body of water, that too glowed of its own light as if the sun was shinning on it from on top and from under the water, to the right was a forest of trees also glowing with their own light as if it was coming from both an outside source and within. Then suddenly I saw a young woman in the field of flowers, she looked to be in her early 20's and she was wearing a brightly colored dress. She was skipping away from me, but then she stopped and turned towards me and asked, however, I never actually heard her voice, it seemed to just pop into my head. But she asked in German if I knew who she was. It took me a moment to figure out what she was asking, but then I knew that it was my mother and probably how she looked when she was in her 20's. As soon as I knew it was my mother, she blew me a kiss turned and skipped away. Suddenly I was looking down at myself in the bed where I was sleeping, I heard crackling or a hiss as if a radio dial was tuned between two stations and saw that my younger sister was standing next to the bed I was in shaking me trying to wake me up. The next thing I knew I was back in my body. When I came fully awake I realized I was grabbing her night gown tightly around her neck, and I remember being very upset that she woke me up.
Since that dream, I somehow knew I managed to go with my mother to where she was if only for a moment. I've been very healthy since then and if cut I heal very fast, much faster then I ever did before. I have felt and heard others around me that have passed, some I know and some I've never met in this life time. Some can communicate with me, but only by thought, I don't actually hear their voices. I'm much more relaxed, laid back. I've just started to feel more relaxed within the past year or so.
By Anonymous on Friday, August 20, 2004 - 08:21 pm:
My experience occurred about a month after a very close sister in-law died of lung cancer, after being ill for barely five months. She left behind two small daughters, and a husband. I had known her since 1978, and she was like a sister. We are about the same age, and it was a great shock to learn how ill she was, especially when she had appeared quite healthy.
I spent a lot of time with her in the last week before she died, and I remember wondering how difficult and wrenching it must have been for her to say goodbye to her young daughters. I had three young children, and I couldn't begin to fathom the idea of having to leave them. At the same time, I wanted to believe that God would not allow such anguish to be experienced by a young mother about to die.
I received my answer about a month after her death.
I remember laying in bed at night, still consumed by grief. I looked at the time, the clock read about 2:30 am. At that point I found myself moving straight up (as if floating), looking at myself, next to my sleeping husband. I felt no pain, and wondered whether or not I was still alive. I continued to move towards an extremely ethereal bright white light that was at least 1000 times brighter than the brightest sparklers I had ever seen. I remember thinking that if I was dead, that was okay, because I knew that my family would be taken care of. Besides, I was becoming part of this incredible brightness that appeared to have no beginning and no end. I also remember an incredible rushing sound, not unpleasant, as loud as it was. I did not see anyone specific in the light, but I remember the incredible peace that I felt. After awhile, I felt myself moving away, until I envisioned myself on the bed. I am convinced that I glimpsed a part of heaven, and that my dear sister in-law was in a peaceful state when she said goodbye to her daughters. In my heart I know that she didn't experience any emotional pain of separation.
By Anonymous on Friday, August 20, 2004 - 08:20 pm:
Ever since I was a small child I have had severe atypical asthma, very hard to control and very easy to lose control of. I had been very ill but my whole family as well as myself were pretty used to it so I was going to school with my little sister like I did most mornings. As we were riding the bus to school I was struggling to breath and I ended up throwing up on my sister. At this point things get pretty hazy for me.
I understand, that mom picked me up at school as soon as she could arrange to get there and I was taken to a doctor's office. The doctor tried to stabilize my breathing and couldn't and the doctor's office ended up calling an ambulance to take me to Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh. By the time the ambulance arrived it was late afternoon so there had been quite an amount of time pass since my attempt to get to school. I remember sort of waking up when the alarm on the ambulance went off but only one time. We lived in a suburb so it was about 20 miles to the hospital.
I was taken to a room and there were a lot of doctors in the room with me. There were student doctors too. They were trying all sorts of things to get me to breathe again and nothing was working. What I remember was being bathed in brilliant bright light and I was looking down on myself and all of the doctors and nurses around me. I felt calm and I was just observing and things were getting smaller or maybe less real and I could hear one of the doctors say 'she's gone, completely cyanotic,' or something like that and there was some discussion about that and then one of the doctors went out to talk to my parents.
When I heard the words of the doctor I thought to myself I'm not gone I'm right here and I started panicking sort of and screaming I'm right here! over and over. And then it was sort of as if I was slammed back into my body and I woke up a week later in an oxygen tent... My life since has been odd in many ways but it has taken me three decades to really begin understand it or perhaps to process it.
I have never been able to wear watches by the way. I have a whole collection of 'broken' watches! That is what brought me to this site tonight, the article about people not being able to wear watches. If I have to wear a watch I wear it only for the time I need it and take it off right after. I also seem to sort of 'short' out electronic things. My boyfriend won't let me touch his computer. It's sort of a joke between us but sort of not a joke also. I do the same thing to vehicles. Everyone calls me a jinx.
I do not remember much of my childhood. It's almost as if I lost the first 8 years and the funny thing is that all of my friends are around 8 years younger than me and I look younger than they do! Nobody believes my real age. I had my 2 children at a later age than most people in my family. I had my first son when I was 28. I went through a really tough time as a teen, nothing made sense to me at all. Relationships on most levels have been difficult for me. A lot of people are attracted to me on a sexual level. According to my boyfriend of many years, I have this natural sexiness that seems to exude from me. I have learned to curb some of that out of self-defense, but it took a long time to even understand what IT was. It seems that people misunderstand empathy and joy, a feeling of peace and love as a desire to have sex. I sparkle in the words of another friend and that is a turn on to a lot of people. It took a long time to be able to deal with that. I am still learning about relationships, but I am making progress I think.
Also, I am extremely sensitive to lights and noises. However I love loud rock music I am also very sensitive to chemicals, and drugs do not have the same affect on me as they do on most people. I take child's doses of many and some do the opposite of what they are supposed to and some do nothing at all. I crave sunshine and water. The best I ever feel is when I have been able to be in the sun and either been in, on or next to some water. I am also somewhat of a daredevil. I have toned down my activities since becoming a mother but I have no fear. I have always been a ‘tomboy’ and as active as my asthma will possibly let me be. I push the limits on that a lot. Sometimes people get mad at me for not doing what sick people should do, i.e., sit in bed in rot. But, I have to be moving and doing or at least learning and seeing. Life is too short to not live each moment to its fullest. That is not to say that I rush through life. Sometimes living life to its fullest is just sitting there doing nothing but meditating on the beauty of life, being thankful of being alive.
I have always had a different view of love and life than anyone I have ever met. I don't love like most people. To me it is not so individual specific so much as universal. Most people who wish to be close to me, do not understand it and perceive it as a coldness or worse. If they do understand how I feel and think, they can't believe it really. They say I have mother Theresa or Joan of Arc complex or I'm not real or something along those lines. But, I do not think love is something that can be limited to only one person or just a few. It does not end; it will not go out. The more love you give the more you have to give, the more there is... and to me that is THE truth.
I also do not think like most people. I do not think in a linear way. I arrive at the conclusion first and then find the path to how I got there. I know things without knowing how I know them. I am very good at chaotic thinking and organizing chaos. But, people don't understand it until the very end when it all comes together and then they say wow how did you do that?? And I of course have NO idea... I have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD and I do take medication for it that helps me think in a clearer way but it does not seem to affect the way I think.
I feel very close to God and see God's light and love connected to and interwoven through all things. I believe in all of my heart and soul that we are all here, on earth for a reason. I am very spiritual but I do not believe there is a right and a wrong way as far as the way an individual decides to worship. If you find the path and you walk the path and along the path you learn about the path and you follow that path to where it leads, that is all that matters. If you read your path signs in Sanskrit, Chinese or upside down standing on your head with your hand stuffed in a peanut butter jar, it does not affect the outcome of your journey.
I also seem to create sort of different perception of time. Time does not seem to follow the same rules for me. So people around me feel like they too get sucked into what they call my time vortex. I do not sleep much. I sleep very little, sometimes I only sleep a few hours a WEEK. My mom says I have never slept well. People come over to visit or watch a movie and pretty soon the sun is coming up the next morning. And we are still discussing the topic of the evening or researching things online or what have you. People that are close to me seem to sleep less and less over time. It seems to rub off on them somehow.
I am just listing a few of the things that have rushed into my mind. There are so many other things that have been brought to my attention that I do or think differently than most people I know. I feel that many of my 'differences' are somehow linked to my NDE or as a child the way I used to think about it was my ability to 'talk to God'. Thank you for letting me share my experiences.
By Anonymous on Friday, August 20, 2004 - 08:19 pm:
When I was 6 years old I lived in a small rural town in Arkansas that did not have a hospital and only one doctor. I had a bad case of the German measles and had a tendency to run high fevers when ill. My fever became very high and my mother took my temperature and it showed 106 degrees. She immediately called the one doctor in town and was told by her nurse that he was in a neighboring town but that she would try to reach him (obviously before the cell phone or pager era). My mother told her what my temperature had registered on the thermometer and the nurse said that had to be incorrect and she would be right over. She came over and took my temp again and this time it registered 107 degrees. She finally got the doctor on the phone and he said to immediately get me packed in ice. All of this was told to me by my family, but here is where I had the experience as I do not remember any of this leading up to it.
What I remember is like floating high up over the bed and I could see myself lying in the bed looking very white (I noticed that because I have olive skin and never look pale). I saw the nurse taking my temperature and my mother and father were sitting on the bed with me and my mother was crying, not loudly but very softly. I remember that my sister tried to come in the room, but my grandmother would not let her. Then I saw a man walk in the room with this big brown paper sack full of ice. It was the man who lived next door and he had a truck so he had gone to get the ice from the icehouse downtown. I remember seeing him keep placing more and more ice on my body, but I did not feel any cold or anything. All during this time I just remember the floating sensation. This neighbor was really somewhat of a grouch and I was somewhat of a mischievous 6 year old tomboy so I had done several things that aggravated him from time to time. I remember him saying to my father "Don't you worry Johnny, this one is too mean to die.” I kept floating and then the nurse walked over and put her hand on my forehead and I was like whooshed down back into my body. According to the family I did not regain consciousness for about 12 more hours after the fever finally broke. The doctor finally got there, but they did not take me to the closest hospital because he thought the danger had passed.
I was very weak for a couple of weeks and had a very bad time walking after that. I was a very uncoordinated child after that and also developed a speech impediment. When we moved to a larger city, my parents put me in a speech therapy class and I got over that. What was strange though was that after that I tried to tell everyone in the family about what I had seen and they really did not want to hear it. I told them things that had happened in detail and things that were said and they just looked at me like I was crazy and would say "it's the fever talking", but I knew it happened. It wasn't till about 3 years later that I was talking to my cousin about it and I repeated what the neighbor man had said about me being too mean to die, that my father overheard and it got his attention. He said that he had never told anybody what the neighbor had said because he knew it would make my mother very mad, and he knew that I was not conscious when he said it. Then I told him some other things and I think he believed me then.
For years after the experience until I was about 12 years old, I used to get these feelings that I called "the feeling of being there, but not being there.” The only way to describe it would be that I might be sitting in a room and then all of a sudden it was like I would be pulled back real fast to the back of the room and I could see myself sitting in the chair. I have always wondered about this experience and how it effected the person that I am today.
By Anonymous on Friday, August 20, 2004 - 08:17 pm:
It was Halloween night. I was walking down a busy street in Honolulu with a group of people; a fellow Marine was about to be murdered by four Samoan's. I stepped in the middle and tried to stop it. The Marine I was helping left the circle and I was jumped from behind. I fought these four guys in a fight to the death. I was trying to kill them and they were trying to kill me. I remember being exhausted, completely wiped out during this act to survive. I had crushed and caved in one man’s face with my forehead. I was covered in his blood. I knocked out another guy with a kick to his throat and temple. I was thinking, why won't anyone help me, I am so tired. So many people were watching me fight that the traffic had been stopped because of the people flooding from the sidewalk to the street, hundreds of people, no one would help?
Three months before this fight I was overseas and in an operation were I was faced with death and thought I was going to die because I was going to run out of ammunition or get hit in the head with shrapnel. About a week after this I was kidnapped with five other Marines and we were lined up twice to be executed and dry fired on twice. During the fight, kidnapping and operation, I can't ever remember being afraid, real fear. I know I must of had to been afraid but I can't remember it.
I had knocked out two guys and two were left. I went back and forth fighting the two guys and one guy ran off into the crowd, I remember thinking that it was almost over, I just had the one guy left. I was holding him by his hair and hitting him in the face waiting for him to drop, when the guy who left came back through the crowd with a knife. A sailor named Bart who I had never met was in a cab that had been stopped by the crowd and seen the guy with the knife coming at me from behind. Bart was born the same day, same year as me; we were the same age and had never met. Bart fought his way through the crowd to try and stop the guy with the knife but was unable to get to him because of the people blocking his way.
This guy jumped on my back and plunged the knife into my pulmonary artery and lung. When the knife went in, my body flipped completely over and I landed on the guy who stabbed me. The guy I was beating on fell to the ground. I started choking the guy who stabbed me with my forearm, trying to kill him. I had no idea I had been stabbed, I never felt the knife even though it was sticking straight out of my chest now. The guy who fell to the ground was up and on his feet now and kicking me in the head. I boxed in the Marine corps and had never been knocked out, but when this guy was kicking me I thought he was knocking me out. "I was dying from the stab wound.” I remember thinking to myself, "Hey, this is what it feels like to be knocked out.” I moved my head and tucked it behind the guy’s head I was choking to death and started pushing with my head trying to break his neck. The guy started kicking me in the stomach now and that is when Bart got through the crowd and started helping me. He took the guy who was kicking me and hammered him.
The crowd then decided to help and grabbed me and started dragging me off the guy I was killing. These guys were trying to kill me and now I have a knife sticking out of my chest and people are now getting involved, Bart is the only one there who had courage, honor or integrity. They pulled me off this guy while Bart was taking care of the other would be murderer. They held my arms and head back as I struggled to free myself. I seen the knife sticking out of my chest. I yelled at these people who held me defenseless to be killed, “I have been stabbed, LET ME GO, I have been stabbed, let me go.”
They held me and the guy who stabbed me was on his knees and hands foaming from his mouth looking at me. I was unable to move, I could feel the knife inside me now when I tried to move. The guy who stabbed me was looking straight into my eyes as I was staring at him, he had blood red eyes, they were red, he jumped up and grabbed me by my neck, the people still held me for this guy. I thought he was going to bite my throat out because I would have bitten his out. He had me, I couldn't move because I was held by cowards.
I remember having this complete acceptance of death. I relaxed as his hands pulled on my neck but he grabbed the knife out of my chest instead of biting me. The blood shot straight out of my chest and with every heart beat I sprayed blood all over this guy trying to stab me again. The people who were holding me pushed me into this guy with the knife. I don't remember how I got out of the way of the knife. That is a complete blank. After he missed me he came up with the knife and stabbed Bart in the stomach and ran into the crowd. I chased him for four steps and I heard an explosion and felt like I had ran straight into a brick wall. I fell onto my back and unknowing to me I was unable to move a muscle, I was paralyzed with my head turned to the left. I was looking at people looking at me, again no one did a thing, just looked at me like cowards. I remember a man holding this women as she balled. I started yelling to these people that I can't breath but they just stared at me, doing nothing. I did this for a while before I realized they could not hear me because my lips were not moving; I was paralyzed. I started fighting to stay alive, I refused to die. I told myself I was not going to die. I was so tired, I was just wiped out from fighting to breathe. I was suffocating to death, it was horrible, the worst way to die. The background was now black, dark. I seen a face in my face I felt someone grab my neck and lift my head it was Bart. He began CPR and breathed into me. I only felt one breath but it was like I had just taken the biggest most beautiful breath of my life. I remember saying to myself "OK buddy it’s in your hands now." I was just wiped out.
After that breath I went black, everything was dark. I don't know how much time had lapsed when I was out of my body. I didn't feel or remember leaving my body but it was like I was just there, I was standing over my body with my spirit/soul feet and ankles in my dead bodies head, I was looking down at myself but didn't remember being hurt, I had no idea I was dead or injured. I was now a translucent shadow like with hands, feet, a whole body, but it was made of energy, power, and strength. I looked at my right arm and made a fist. I looked at my left arm and made a fist. I felt so strong and powerful I was energy. I looked out at a 45 degree angle and shot off like a rocket into this infinity of darkness I could see into. It was not like being in a dark room or closet, It was a darkness I could see into an infinity. I felt like I was in space. I was looking for something but didn't know what I was looking for. I knew I was looking for something but I had no urgency to find it. I was calm, no pain or worry. I was just looking for something. I was zooming through this darkness like a rocket but I could not feel wind it was motion going forward at a 45 degree angle. I could not hear voices during this motion through space.
All at once I came to an abrupt stop I was in this void with four entities to my left just above me and a voice of a man to my right and above the four entities say "he's not going to make it." At that moment I remember saying to my self, "Hey they are talking about me.” I came back into myself through my eyes. It felt like a cartoon thing as if you pulled a window shade down and let it roll up and spin around and around. That is what it felt like coming back through my eyes. I opened my eyes and my head was turned to the left. I seen Bart sitting on the bench seat of the ambulance looking at me covered in blood. He said nothing just looked at me. He had his hands on his knees just covered in blood. I seen a paramedic holding an IV bottle in the air. He was sitting on my left side at my knees just looking at me saying nothing. I looked at both of them and held both my arms up and flipped them off with both hands and said F--k you I am not going to die. Then it went black.
I can't remember anything until I woke up again. I was being rolled down a long hallway on a gurney, doctors and nurses all around me, I asked the nurse that was at my head if I could cry. She said "sure hunny, you can cry." It went black. I don't remember anything until I woke up again. I was laying on my back and I opened my eyes looking up into the ceiling. It was like the ceiling at my barracks so I thought I was in my room in my bed. Then I heard this breathing machine sound and tried to say what the f--k and started gagging. A nurse put her face in mine and told me I had been injured and I was all right. They pulled the breathing tube out of my throat and I remembered my experience but never said anything. I felt like I had mass knowledge but just could not remember what I had learned. I knew I had to heal myself. I would lay in bed and slow my heart beat so the heart and lung could heal.
I spent five days in the hospital and spoke to Bart on the fifth day. I told him of my experience and when I had seen him sitting there looking at me. Bart told me that that never happened. Bart said that they were working on him and he never sat up and I was taken away, he said "You were gone man," you never flipped anyone off.
I soon felt like I could heal people because I can feel energy coming off people, I feel pain. I never told anyone until 1999 about this. I learned about Reiki so that makes it normal to me. But I have been on a quest searching myself and beliefs about people and the world. I have been changed and feel I have met who I really am. I met my soul/spirit and have many ideas of what we are and that we have existed for all time. I also feel I have ESP and have tried remote viewing. I feel I am just closer to my senses than people who have never got the juice like me or others like me. They have it but just need to tune into it.
By Anonymous on Sunday, July 25, 2004 - 11:59 am:
First, it is difficult to share this in any manner. I have suffered a lot of persecution from people who are completely ignorant on this subject and see it fit to call me "crazy", "deluded", "deceived" and so on. The lack of understanding has caused to withdraw from people who don't understand, who are not "like me.” I even have problems relating to my wife because our views are so radically different on certain subjects.
I am very grateful for my "death" because in it, I have been able to live.
Please bear with me because I will relate to you the whole history that led up to this ultimate, climatic experience that led to yet more experiences.
I remember a brilliant flash of white light. Then I suddenly found myself in a tight space where it was very dark. I remember no particular discomfort, but I do remember feeling very impatient. I was waiting for something, but I did not know what that some thing was. Then I found myself moving toward another light that was steady and not nearly as bright as the flash that brought me to this place.
When I passed into that light, I saw a man. I recognized his green hospital mask and gown as being that of a doctor. The doctor had black, bushy eyebrows and he squinted as he looked at me. I was not afraid, but I had some things I wanted to ask him; for instance where was I exactly and who was he to handle me in such a manner? Before I could speak, the doctor exclaimed "it's a boy!" Well, certainly I am a boy... what did he expect? When I tried to speak to the doctor, I was shocked to hear myself. I did not speak, I cried! I CRIED LIKE A BABY... then I truly became afraid and tried to talk again, but I cried again. Then, in what seemed a matter of minutes, my adult thoughts, in English, diminished into thoughts that were muddled then peaceful.
I remember learning how to talk, how English seemed not like a foreign or unknown language, but a language that I had forgotten. I seemed to go through a time of "remembering" rather than a time of learning.
I remember having sensations in my crib; the vertigo was a reeling, head over heels sensation that was a sickenly fast... dangerously fast spinning motion. It was horrifying. I also remember sensations of my whole body tingling and falling asleep even as I felt a sensation of drifting away from it to places I don't remember. I stopped having the experiences after they frightened me when I was older and my father told me I could stop the out of body sensations by ordering myself to go back.
A few years later, Hell broke loose and the night terrors began. I began to have terrible nightmares involving evil creatures and humanoid-looking evil beings. I was tormented almost nightly by these things forcing me to watch human dismemberments, sickening "religious" rituals while I was held captive. I soon learned to sometimes take power over these evil dreams by the power of God. These dreams tortured me until I was probably in my mid twenties. Sometimes I would win; sometimes the devils would win and they would keep my as their plaything for hours. I once saw a green colored spirit hover over my body while I was out of it.
In the midst of these torments, I wanted to serve a mission for my church. I went to the Missionary Training Center, but they sent me home because of my night torments and nightmares. At times I would wake up in my body, but my body would hover over my bed a good three feet and when I would awaken, I would fall onto the bed with a crash.
I was devastated with the news that the MTC was sending me home because of the emotional stress these terrors caused. They were afraid, after testing me, that I would crack up in the mission field. When I went home, things really got bad. I could hardly eat or get out of bed, my friends were worried that I would never be right again. I could feel something clawing away at my insides... it was awful. And I knew I was going to die. I could not get out of it, as surely as I now live, I knew my body could not hold me much longer. The stresses were too great, the evil was not able to kill me, but it could cause me to become too upset and off-balance to live. The mind is VERY powerful and mine was turned against my body.
Then a man who had been killed in truck crash and returned to life with a special gift for helping people took me out of my friends' house and into his own home in the mountains. He loved me, treated me like a son and taught me about a new type of spirituality. He told me I was different from other people and so I had to live differently. He helped me build my self up and I immediately started to feel more peaceful, more like I could live. But Death had other plans.
One night, in 1986, I was alone in bed. It was around midnight or so. I began thinking of my friends and my life's events and how things would turn around. I began pondering on my own life and a vision of the future opened up, but not just one future, several futures. Every decision I made opened up new possibilities, new possibilities created new futures and other possibilities. The thoughts and pictures came faster and faster. The thoughts came so fast that my physical brain could not keep up anymore.
Suddenly, my body was wracked with a terrible, indescribable pain. I heard with my ears a groan come out of my chest, something left but pulled me along with it. As soon as I left my body, I felt something tearing at me, trying to take me away with it, but there was a barrier or boundary of sorts stopping me from leaving the room. I was out of my body, I knew I was dead... then suddenly, I was torn away from that thing and I was thrust, rather, SLAMMED back into my body. I sat up and was rather excited about the whole thing.
Since then, I have discovered that I can communicate with spirits, angels and ghosts of the deceased. I have even helped some of them find peace and move on. I also have a talent for healing that even surprises me. I can intuitively touch people and help them to heal, I can sometimes diagnose diseases that people have.
Thank you for your time, I hope this is worthy of your study.
By reviewer on Sunday, July 25, 2004 - 11:58 am:
I had dengue hemorragic fever. I was in Cambodia in a local clinic. In my clinic room I had vision of a flaming apsara (female cosmic dancer in Cambodian mythology); I came out of this vision knowing I was going to die if I stayed there. I pulled the IV tube out of me and left the clinic. The distressed nurse called my family who came to look for me, and found me wandering near the clinic in the crowded streets in Phnom Penh at night during the water festival. They called my doctor, a Filipina who arranged for a medivac to Singapore.
I remember little of this or of the medivac.
I woke up in a hospital in Singapore after 4 days of being unconscious, coma, or whatever. I asked the Sigaporean doctor and nurse how close I was to death, they looked at me funny and turned and walked away.
I asked them this because for one thing, I had seen them working on me, they were below me and in their blue green caps.
The other reason is sometime during all this, I found myself in a black void, no sense of anything physical was there. Then a feeling of profound joy developed over me and became stronger and stronger. As this feeling increased, I saw a bright point of light in front of me. It came closer and closer and gradually took up my whole field of view front of me. Then I was just there with it, in it, still feeling the strong joy experienced for the first time this way.
The very day I came out of the experience, back to consciousness, I felt wonderful and full of energy, even though I had lost 30 lbs or so since the beginning of my illness.
I did not talk about this much and tried not to think about it too often. There were immediate changes in my life, though at the time I could not say one way or the other they were related to the experience.
Only this past November 2003, the thought and recall - almost a re-living of the experience - started to consume me, and I now feel compelled to relate everything to it, and analyse the experience to make sense of life and death, religion, myself, human beings, everything. This is still the case.
By Anonymous on Sunday, July 25, 2004 - 11:57 am:
I went with my parents and aunt and uncle to a outdoor swimming pool (I was 5 years old at that time), I couldn't swim but my parents took me inside the water anyway.
At a certain point, they were so busy talking that they didn't pay attention to me, and that was the time that I fell into the deepest part of the swimming pool. I was at the bottom of the pool.
All of a sudden I knew that I was going to die, and after what seems minutes under the water, I was about to breathe out for the last time.
At that moment I remember thinking, ''Well, this is it, I am going to the other side!!” At that moment, a beautiful feeling came over me, a very joyful, sacred and warm feeling!
I was not scared, I was not in panic, but I was ready to go to the other side, and the incredible feeling of joy and happiness was unearthly!!
At that point, all of a sudden somebody rescued me out of the water.
After the whole experience, I thought, even though I still was a child: If this is what it means to go to Heaven, then that is wonderful!!
I now know that we don't need to be scared to die, because there is a life after this one (in God's spirit world).
I do believe though, that it will depend on how we lived here on earth, if our transition to the other side will be sweet or not!!
By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:37 pm:
My first language is Spanish. I will try my best to make my story the most understandable possible.
Almost thirteen years ago, I had I think was a NDE. Happens that I suffer from severe nose congestion and dyspnea. Things that affect my breathing while sleeping. Well I remember in that early morning, I awoke gasping for air but my nose was clogged likewise was my throat. The sensation I felt was like having my trachea locked. No oxygen could get into my lungs. It was horrible; I still was half-asleep and began to extend my arms trough the walls scratching them in an intent of my body trying to find the way to breathe again. It was in vain, after all that struggling to avoid being taken for what I remember was a powerful force I knew it was over. It was like being sucked by something as a huge vacuum that detached my life from my body. The experience is horrible when you are awake and dying by asphyxia you are weak with that desperate feeling that you are losing your physical life. And then the only thing I felt and knew was no matter what I was being taken by this enormous energy at a super velocity that I couldn't avoid, resist; I was gone.
Then you feel going faster inside something that I cannot really explain with the adequate words. It is so fast that I cannot say it was a tunnel, I just can say that you in whatever existence you are transformed; this force takes you which such power that you only feel the sensation that you are going to a force that is claiming you. Yes is like you belong to it. I call it One.
Then I knew that I have left my body because once I was out of it I saw down at my body and could see how my arms were stiff with the last movements I made while gasping for air, struggling at the wall behind my bed. I couldn't understand how I was capable of seeing me and at the same time continue being taken by this force. Then I or whatever it is you when you do not have body but seems to be existing in another plane I was like in other dimension where everything was obscure. Whatever I was I felt fear was so dark. Then I heard a voice that I cannot say if it was a voice from a man or a woman, but was a peaceful one and told me; "do not be afraid.”
At that moment I did not see anything, no one, any light. I suddenly just felt in such a joyful state of peace, no weight, I was transformed from physical body to just sensations; happiness, an enormous feeling of peace and love. Suddenly my sense of me went to other level, this time I saw that big or huge white mass "opaque not bright" and while getting closer to enter into it I began to feel that inexplicable sensation of being bathed in a beautiful warm and lovely light. You are just drawn to that irresistible mass of love. For me it was my contact with that Higher Divinity that I called One. I felt so good, so light, suddenly realized that I was free surrounded by the most beautiful source of love. I couldn't believe if wasn't in physical plane, I was wondering how could I be conscious of what was happening if I am supposed to be dead.
Then as fast as I was getting closer to that white mass, suddenly my living force was sent back to my body. It was a small amount of oxygen getting back inside my body through one of my nostrils that was became slightly open. Then when the life force entered my body, I screamed "Padre", in English "Father.” At that time I started coughing and my body was cold and shaking.
My niece who was in the bathroom when heard me screaming "Padre" so loud and coughing, she went to my room to see what was happening to me. I could hardly speak to her. I continue coughing and crying and trembling.
I told her, "Glenda I think that I died.” She hugged me and look at me in astonishment. I was pale. She gave me some water to clear my throat. When I felt calmer and the temperature of my body become normal; I explained to her still crying what I felt happened to me. She was afraid because in my face was the expression of someone that has gone through an unexplainable experience. She embraced me and cried with me.
Well since then my life changed completely. You are suddenly lit up from inside, and this illumination makes you more aware in how to understand what real love is, how deep we can go in trying to understand what death really means. How we must find out why we were returned to the physical dimension.
Now I do not fear death or the fact that we have to go to other planes of existence. And I agreed with others with similar experience on saying that you live with the sensation that someone is with you in the form of thoughts. I call that presence One. Because from that experience I learned that all humans are One connected to the principal One the "High Divinity or Higher Force.” Sometimes I feel alone because many people say that I am crazy when I tell them my story. Others find it interesting and believe that maybe after all NDE is happening.
My way of thinking is every day evolving from knowledge to wisdom. There is a mind hungry all the time trying to understand things that before I wasn't aware of. I have the feeling that when I returned from that dimension called death something else entered into my body. And this thing guides me and teaches me by challenging my old way of understanding life, explaining me about how we can continue in the learning of what dimension is the real one or how both are complemented. I was always wondering how can a world like this continue existing with all that unfairness, humans divided due to continue stuck in their ancient beliefs. I was always vulnerable to the pain of the world, to its ignorance at all levels. Factors that I consider the culprits among others who continue being an obstacle for Planet Earth to evolve with the guide of One or the Higher Force.
When I see people suffering or that I know that they are sick. I can't control asking "Are you in pain"? Do you feel sick? And there is the desire in me to embrace the person and transmit my love to them. Or I feel if I can just reach some part of their body or something that is close to them I can send positive vibrations of love that will ease their pain, illness or sadness. I can go on and on with the changes I continue seeing in my life. But at some point I feel that I do not belong to this dimension, and feel alone. Right now in treatment for depression but… well that's part of life. But really I think that I am already dead or that I without wanting for it was taken to one of the most debatable mystery of life by entering to the other dimension where we are thoughts and emotions?
I receive so much data from One my companion from the other dimension that I feel like a torrent of energy greater that the capacity of my small body to handle. I sense that the High Force is so close to me that I begin to cry and then my body is drawn to a state of sedation where I just fell asleep. For me being in that state is like feeling taken to places that later I cannot remember very well. Now I am more used to the presence of this Higher Force and I know when ONE sends for me. It requires too much discipline, practice to understand the changes in your life the way you begin to think. I wonder if we are living in an illusion or everything revolves around the mind; and there in the mind is the key to open The Pandora Box and finding the answer for the real truth.
For now I have to go. If you have read so far my story, thanks very much for allowing my soul to speak.
I wish I could contact those other beings who like me are out there watching and bringing our humble light to illuminate those who want to learn that this world evolves and evolves without they having a notion of how One makes the magic.
Please if you are conducting serious studies can you let me know what do you think of my story, please. I know you are a busy persons and I am another one in many other people who are waiting for an answer. But I will wait patiently. I have already told my internist in Cornell Hospital in Manhattan, NY that if in the future they conduct some kind of study related to NDE I will like to participate.
Thanks in advance. Continue giving us light to see where wisdom is hide!
By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:35 pm:
I was five months pregnant with my second child and I was home alone with my 1 yr. old daughter asleep in her crib upstairs. My husband was at work and not due to come home for quite some time. I was in my living room vacuuming when I started to feel very fatigued, like the energy was leaking out of my body. (I describe it as like when you unplug a halogen work lamp and the light just fades away instead of just shutting off abruptly.) I felt the need to lay down so I made my way upstairs to my bed. I don't even recall lying on the bed but suddenly I felt my spirit leave my body. I saw a light far away but I was moving towards it very quickly. I felt as though I was traveling through a tunnel and I was surrounded by the most beautiful colors, some of which I hadn't ever seen before. All the while I knew that I was leaving my 1 yr. old in her crib and that she would be alone until my husband got home, but I KNEW that everything would be okay. Through my experience, I was overcome with the feeling of a most beautiful love and acceptance. I didn't want it to go away. Suddenly I was thrust back into my body with such force that when I opened my eyes my body was bouncing on the bed as if I had jumped onto the bed from the ceiling. The feeling of that beautiful love that I had felt in my experience stayed with me throughout the day and I remember wishing that I could capture that feeling and keep it with me always. Since my experience, I have had a couple episodes where I have seen a spirit of someone that had previously died. One time the spirit I saw was sitting in a chair in my children's bedroom and the other time was a spirit watching over my husband as he slept in a chair. I have also heard the voice of my guardian angel speak to me over my shoulder. These experiences are peaceful and I am never afraid.
By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:34 pm:
The first out-of-body experience that I had was when I was 18 and a man attacked me and violently raped me threatening to strangle me. He had thrown me into the back of his van. I was sure I was going to die. I did not scream or move. I just lay rigid and then I found myself up near the roof of the van looking down on us both. When he stopped, I went back into my body.
Being raped - and not crying out - had a profound effect on me and about a year later I tried to kill myself. I was taken in a coma to hospital and was given a stomach pump etc. Then I was put in a private room in a psychiatric clinic with a nurse on guard. When I came round and opened my eyes and saw her and realized where I was, I left my body for a second time and again hovered above in the corner of the room. There was no strong, 'wonderful' feeling about this, nor any fear of death. I simply felt safe, 'removed', out of reach. They couldn't do anything to me.
I spent the following two years locked up in hospitals against my will. I was given 26 electro-convulsive therapies, 21 continuous days of deep narcosis. I have described in a short story written some years ago, the experience of leaving my body and looking down on myself, in this case after I had attempted to run away and had been recaptured. During those years, I could in fact leave my body at will though I only did so when I felt overwhelmed by what was going on in my life.
During the second year of my incarceration, I spent much of my time mute, rocking myself, lying with my head under a pillow and trying to be 'dead'. And then, one day I heard a voice in my head saying 'What do you think you are doing? Do you imagine God's going to come down and rescue you? If you want to get out of here you've got to do it yourself.' I sat up and there on the ward floor was a discarded newspaper. I hadn't read anything for more than a year and could not concentrate - until I came to a page about a lone sailor doing a circumnavigation. That, I thought, is what I want to do. In the article, the man was asked whether he ever got lonely. He said no, but it would be nice to find someone with a similar interest to come along too.
I wrote and told him that I would love to only he'd have to wait awhile as I was locked up in a lunatic asylum and wouldn't be free for several months. I also mentioned that I couldn't sail or cook but could swim and speak French! Only one person in the world would have answered that letter and I will have been married to him for 36 years soon.
In these out-of-body experiences I did not experience any of the other things noted by NDErs but I have absolutely no fear of death and I have a strong belief which I think may have been heightened by the whole above experience that there is absolutely no point to being alive unless you do something to make the world a better place.
I have had no similar experiences since that time. I am, I think, an exceptionally happy and fulfilled person and a friend recently said I was the sanest person she knows...
By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:33 pm:
I was in Seattle, WA, on a business trip, and I awoke early one morning feeing very rested in my hotel bed. As I lay in bed with my eyes shut but thinking about what was to be done that day, I quite abruptly came out of my body and was rushing up through white billowy clouds. I was aware that I was in bed but in the air at the same time. I was both places at the same time. It was almost as if I were on the nose of a rocket and traveling at high velocity up through the clouds. The clouds opened up in a circle above me so that I could see blue sky. As I went farther up, the blue sky became increasing pale and transitioned to white and finally a brilliant white. There I stop going higher and just floated freely. With the brilliant white light came the most incredible love and peacefulness. It was as though every cell of my body was being bathed in love and on a molecular level. This was a love as I have never experienced before. All fear was gone and I completely surrendered to the love. After staying there in the white/love for some time, I remember thinking, "OK, I understand, I can go back now.” And, at that, I was out of the white and awake in bed. I am not sure who I was saying "OK" to or what I meant by "I understand", except that I had the understanding that "love" connects all.
The emotional after affect was great as I was in a state of bliss and of love for all people of any circumstance or state, all animals and plants or in short any thing living. I know now that all living things are connected, have great spirituality where I had none before. I understand that sorrow and love are like day and night. Sorrow is not bad as you must have it to appreciate the beauty of love. In other words, if we didn't have sorrow, love would be meaningless. Before my experience, these thoughts would have never crossed my mind. I am an avid outdoorsman and like hunting but since this experience, I can't take the life of any animal. I just like to watch them in the woods. Also, I have absolutely NO fear of dying. There have been other significant changes in me, too many to write about but simply said, I am a very different person now. My family knows this and so do my close friends. I haven't told many people of this for fear of ridicule. My wife and kids know and that is all. I wish everyone could have a similar experience. PS: I wish you had spell check on this.
By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:32 pm:
At 7 years of age, my father allowed me to accompany him at his occupation of dredging deep holes at the ends of piers. Having decided to 'road-test' one of my father's efforts, I looked up and saw through the murky depths of his recently-dredged hole in the white sandy floor of the lake, my arms straight out to my side, and felt a rush of water rush into my lungs. (I recall that the concept was quite frightening, but the end result was quite pleasant). An endless 'channel' of light invited me to a place in the clouds where a 'Spirit' in the appearance of a Biblical character, the same color as the clouds, informed me, telepathically, that I should "return and learn about life.” He would not look at me. I was deeply depressed at having to return to my body, but a power stronger than I had directed me to do so. The next thing I remembered was, five hundred feet down on the beach was my father pumping water from my lungs. I watched him do so until I began to cough water through my nose and sinuses, at which time I 'snapped' back into a body I never again wanted to inhabit. I cried as I looked up to see my father's face; not because of having been saved, not because I was afraid, but because I had to return from a place that all of us will eventually experience as the true "Heaven.”
I secretly look forward, with bated breath, my final 'return. '
By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:31 pm:
I was a young bride aged 19 yrs married to an American ex-serviceman and living in a tiny flat. My late husband was attending [university] under the G. I. Bill. He was majoring in Business administration and Philosophy was a secondary subject. I was not working so, so in a small flat in a strange country I would devour his books on this subject including Adler, Freud and Plato to keep abreast of my husband on this subject. My brief experience occurred whilst I was reading Plato`s Phaedo where he was dialoging the existence of the soul. After finishing that chapter I was so moved by the beauty of it that I put the book in my lap and said to myself (perhaps out loud, I don’t remember) Oh how lovely, if only I could know it were true. Immediately on uttering this there was a swooshing sound and I ( the thinking ego I) WAS LIFTED UP TO THE CEILING my body remaining in the chair. This lasted just a split second, but needed no longer to convince me for the remainder of my life that we, the ESSENTIAL WE, ARE INDEED SEPARATE FROM OUR BODIES. It was as if someone wished proof for me after my remark.
By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:30 pm:
I am unsure if you qualify my experiences as "near death" as there was no sickness or injury involved. As far back as I can recall, as a child, I remember being woken in the night and hear voices. Specifically there were 2 male and 1 female debating/arguing amongst themselves. It was very clearly language, the pitch and intensity of these debates would vary but the actually "words" were always muffled together so I could not make out what they were saying - but got the distinct feeling that it was about me. Mostly I would remain in my bed as hot tears would run down my face as these "conversations" terrified me. I would plead in whispers for them to stop. There were several times that I did get courage enough to get up and go to our kitchen (the source of these 'voices") to investigate. As a child, I knew that this could not be - but was. I would only find myself standing alone in the kitchen while the rest of my family was sound asleep. I remember one time going into my parent's room - they were sound asleep, oblivious to the torment I was experiencing. I'd returned to my own bed, and the voices would pick up again. This did not happen every night (or week for that matter), but often enough through my early childhood for it to be considered routine, and seemingly random.
Around the age of 6, a new element is introduced.
I awoke one night to my terror of being pulled from my body and rising upwards to the ceiling of my room. I saw my body curled up under the covers and I tried to grasp at the lamp on my nightstand to hold myself down… but I continued to rise (I was no longer in the physical - how could I hold onto anything?!?) I rose to the ceiling, was held there only a few seconds (heart beating wildly (? again not possible)) before being the presence that was with me allowed me to descend back to my body. I had the awareness that this "presence" was connected to the 3 voices - but superior to them. Although the experience was terrifying to me, there was also a sense of security in this "presence.” I slept through the night, and was fully aware of what had happened when I woke the next morning. Once again, this would happen randomly to me for the next few years - each time it seemed like they would introduce me a bit further into this world. What I mean by this is: I would remain out-of-body for longer periods of time, and eventually "traveled" throughout my house with them. Each time I was still unnerved by all this, but slowly getting somewhat comfortable to the extent that I knew I would be ok. At no time did we leave the house.
My last OBE (which makes me connect this with near-death). . .
Everything I have shared with you up until this point leads to my last out of body experience. This one moment was defining to who I am today, and without it - I most likely would have recalled everything else as an overactive childhood imagination. I "awoke" to find myself already at the ceiling, and unlike all other times - completely comfortable and relaxed in this state (with my ever-present guide at my side).”He" led me through the adjoining wall into my parent's bedroom where they were sleeping peacefully. I vividly recall that the curtains were closed and I wanted to pull them back. A brief moment there, then we proceeded to go to our living room. The curtains were open, and outside it was light. I know it was night but everything was illuminated and my vision was so clear... much sharper. It was late winter/early spring and there was still snow on the ground glistening. For some strange reason I always think that there were 3 or 4 deer just to the side behind our hedge… I don't believe that they were actual deer - but somehow was only acceptable to picture what was there as deer (I know that makes little sense). Nothing to this day has been more beautiful or inviting than what I saw right outside the window that I looked out everyday. Except it was different this time - enhanced. I was overcome with the desire to place my "hands" on the window… and just go through it (like we had passed through the walls within the house) and be a part of that scene. As I willed myself to do just that, I was told it not time yet - and escorted back to my body.
This is my story. I believe I would have been physically dead to this world had I been allowed to pass through the window. I still have very strong presences in my life, they make themselves known in a variety of ways and I still don't always welcome them - however, there are days that I find myself seeking them to no avail.
I don't have any answers - I hope that in sharing this that others may find some answers to whatever questions they are bound in quest of. And I thank you for allowing me an opportunity to validate on some level, that which is a part of me (all of us) that the world tries to deny.
By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:29 pm:
I was put under anesthetic (ether I think) when I was 18 to surgically reset a broken ankle. Suddenly I was sitting on the fence in the back yard of the house my parents owned at the time. The fence happened to be at the crest of a hill and the land sloped away slightly on both sides. Then there was some kind of a flat surface in the plane of the fence. Then I was in this plane as a 2-deimnsional being, something like the bad guys in the “Superman II” (I think) movie I saw years later. Then I had a premonition I could fall either forwards or backwards, and as it happened, I fell back and into a multi-dimensional place that was full of a golden light and a wonderful feeling of love and unity and total knowledge (which I have not been permitted to keep). I felt I had been here before. Then suddenly I fell into a small black ball that was contracting exponentially ever faster as it was vibrating in exponentially ever faster in oscillations of exponentially ever greater amplitude. I also felt I had been here before too. Then the though hit me that there was no limit to how bad this could get, and I abandoned hope.
Then I woke up in the hospital ward and wept with relief. Then I reached out and took the daily newspaper from the table and read an interview with Aldous Huxley - an early researcher and author on hallucinogenic drugs. He said in the interview "we may be too deeply steeped in the situation into which somehow or other we seem to have stumbled, and out of which the question arises, to ever find an answer to it.” I was impressed he could see reality in that perspective, but I felt his speculation was wrong because I had just transcended that situation in which we are "steeped.”
I was sure I has seen heaven and hell, and the rest of my life would be an epilog. I was an Atheist when before the experience and a Theist after, although with no religious affiliation.
The experience motivated me to go to university and study General relativity, which I felt was full of theological significance. It depicts space-time as a hyper-surface, and particles of matter as creases in the surface, and gravity as curvature of the surface. Which idea I still feel is correct, but I also believe it's purpose is like that of a spider web, but what it catches are lost souls.
By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:27 pm:
Consumed with an Atheistic belief system and great dislike of life in general, I began experimenting with drugs, particularly LSD, in an attempt to explain this meaningless existence. My friends and I would go out to clubs and use large amounts of drugs while "partying"; but it was never about partying for me, it was about learning. What I was convincing myself was that the theory of evolution which was what was taught to me growing up was in fact true and that God and any Metaphysical plain was non-existent. That all changed one night nearly 10 years ago. We were on the club strip attempting to score some acid. That is when a gentleman I am very grateful to said with an incredible [aura] to him "Hey man, would you like to try some really good acid.” Of course I accepted. I took 10 hits.
I was slowly brought to a state of mind where sight was no longer a factor and my existence seemed to be of about the size of the head of a pin inside my head. Then came blackness. Next thing I knew I was consumed by an amazing light millions of times brighter than the sun. I moved into the light and became one with it; not losing my individuality, but gaining all knowledge of everyone and everything that ever lived. I experienced eternal unconditional love(for lack of a better word). Great knowledge was begun to be explained to me including the answers to all of the questions I had ever had. It was Paradise. I then found myself inside my body and stood up with my arms raised in a V. I was no longer an Atheist.
I began to research all religions. I became prideful and had absolutely no fear of God or death. I then tried to reproduce the experience with the same dosage on another party night. This time was not as wonderful. Close to my peak in the trip (poisoning), I felt a pop in my chest. This is when the room began to fill up with demonic beings (individuals). I was extremely frightened and the beings were laughing at me. This continued for hours, nearly landing me in a Psych ward. The next day I picked up a bible and while reading Matthew I read a passage (do unto others) which coincided with my experiences. I said inside my head "I want to serve Christ (God) and a loud bell (gong) went off. At that moment I converted to Christianity. My life since then has been incredibly beautifully. I now have a beautiful baby girl and Wife. Although I no longer fear death I do fear God. I owe the state of my life today to that experience and I will never forget. The way I got there was very risky and I am very lucky to be able to live a normal life. I would not recommend trying this to anyone.
By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:26 pm:
I was riding with a classmate going home after dropping his sister off at work on Thanksgiving Evening. we were coming up to an intersection and there was a car that was not moving, even though the traffic light was green. It was sleeting that night and my friend couldn’t slow down and stop the car in time because of the road conditions. We ran into their back end of their car. I was thrown thru the windshield and then I was thrown back inside the car in the front seat where I was sitting. At that moment, I saw a dark tunnel with a bright light at the end of it. And at the end of the tunnel was OUR LORD. He welcomed me with open arms. I was held there in His arms for a few moments. And HE told me that I couldn’t stay, there was something else left for me to do on this earth. And HE also said that Your children won’t see the day they become adults. That’s when I came back thru that tunnel and woke up inside the car. I got up and walked out of the car. I said to my friend and the other people in the car, “Why were they yelling at each other when I was the one that was hurt?”
They immediately came to my side to help me. I had a sustained lacerations to my forehead and nose that were bleeding uncontrollably. There was a couple that stopped to help us. I was told that she was an RN. She stayed with me while her husband called for help. When the EMS personnel arrived, this couple left. I never did get to find out who that couple was. There was no record of them being there on the police report. I’ve been told that those 2 people were angels sent to help me with my injuries.
By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:25 pm:
I was walking toward a light. It was very bright... and white. At then, at the end of the way, I seemed to step out of a hallway into the purest light that I have no real wards to describe. It was not at all offensive to my eyes. Very wonderful! I took a hand and although I didn't look at the angel, I knew it was an angel. He had a white sleeve, looking like that of a robe, and his hand was like that of a full grown man, except it had absolutely no sign of age. We walked to a pedestal that had a big book. The book had a tapestry front and looked to be ancient somehow, but again not aged. I think it was a needlepoint type of design. The Angel opened the book and turned to a place about 2/3 of the way through it, and I watched him run his finger down a long list of names and stop at my name. I didn't read my name exactly, but I actually did see it. I just knew it was mine. The Angel communicated that to me where we were going. He said no words - I just sort of heard him in my head and I spoke back to him in the same way. I know that sounds weird, but it was something like my mind speaking to his - with perfect understanding and in my head I heard the words.
After he pointed out my name in the book, he took my hand and we walked up to some huge double doors. The were made of wood. They were absolutely huge! The doors opened in on their own and we walked into a big room. It was very light and there was a sence of the most perfect peace. There were lots of other people there, all sitting on the floor all in white robes. I never saw any of their faces, but I knew they were people just like me. We walked through the people and the Angel pointed to a spot and told me (without audible words) that I was to sit there and wait. I sat down and wondered what we were all waiting for, and then I saw a sort of platform with a throne. The throne was empty, but the light seemed to be closer or more bright there, and someone (I think the Angel) told me we were waiting for Him (I assumed Jesus) to come sit on the throne. I noticed one odd thing that has always puzzled me. There were bits of straw on the floor. I don't know what the significance of that was, or why I noticed it. I do know that everything I noticed, I was drawn to notice as if it were dictated that these things I was to take note of and remember.
I wasn't there long. I think the Angel left. But while I was there, I asked some questions that I had needed to know since childhood and the questions were answered. The answers were not the answers I wanted to hear, but the answers were not distressing, because I was told in my mind that “It doesn't matter - nothing that happens down there matters. It is insignificant. Here you will have nothing but the peace you feel right at this moment forever. That's how it is here.” Not exactly in those words, but the answers just came. I heard the words as if they were spoken, but there were no sounds that I heard with my ears. During that short time, I received a tremendous amount of understanding about living, comfort, security and happiness... that I've never forgotten.
Then, as I sat there, suddenly the angel came and put his hand out to me. I took it and he led me back out of the doors, and as we walked past the Pedestal where the book was, I was drawn to look at the pedestal... it was wood and I was told (maybe it was the angel, I'm not sure) that it was made from the cross that Jesus died on. As we passed I think I reached out to touch it and just the tips of my fingers brushed it.
It was like seconds after that, that I was back through the hallway and when I opened my eyes, I saw flowers on a shelf (they were in my hospital room). At first I thought: "oh... I have to have a funeral before I can return.” Then I realized what the flowers were and I was disappointed that I was back and not still going to be there. Not really angry, just disappointed that I had to leave that place and come back.
By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:23 pm:
My mother sent me to the near by Seven-Eleven for a can of soup she realized she needed for dinner and some soda pop. I was ten years old and this was an errand I did often for my parents and was happy to do it especially on a beautiful sunny April afternoon like this one. I got to the store to find that they didn't have the soup that my mom had requested, so I purchased the soda and went to the pay phone to call her and tell her that they didn't have the soup she needed and see if maybe there was another kind she could use instead. She told me, that it was ok because my Dad had just got home from work and she would send him to the grocery store instead and to just come home. And off I went without a care in the world; I turned up an alley that ran behind our home. We only lived 5 houses up and when I reached the back of the fourth house a woman yelled to me from the street, "Hey! Little Girl!" I stooped to see what she wanted and ironically saw my Dad's truck driving down the street behind her. I said "What?" She said, "Come here.” I then told her "No", thinking I'm only one house from home and don't want to walk back only to return after helping her with whatever it was that she needed. So I waited for her to come to me.
When she was only about 3 feet in front of me I saw in her right hand a knife. Which I immediately assumed had to be a toy knife and she was going to play a practical joke on me or something like that. In an instant she grabbed my right arm with her left hand and began to stab me. The first blow was a tremendous shock and extremely painful. My left arm had a brown paper bag with a 6 pack of soda in it, and this I began to use as a kind of shield. I squirmed and pulled but could not free myself of her grasp. All the time thinking, "What I did to this stranger to deserve this?" She stabbed me three times in the chest with a common kitchen-paring knife, and stopped only because the knife bent in half on my chest bone. She then ran, as did I. I was aware I was dying, and knew I had to tell my mother that I loved her before I did, and began to run towards my house. This was very hard as I was bleeding internally and my legs hurt very badly from lack of circulation. I collapsed to my knees as soon as I entered the yard, and then screamed for my mom. I knew I had to get up and somehow managed to do this. I began to run to the house when my mom came out. I got to her, fell to my knees and said "Why did that lady do that to me? Why did that lady do that to me?" I knew I was dying and my mom asked, "What lady?" I said, "I love you, Mom,” and went unconscious. I was in and out of consciousness. My mother wasn't sure what had happened exactly because the stab wound produced very little blood outside of my body and instead filled my lungs. She was on the telephone with emergency when I became conscious again the first time, I called to her and she came and asked me, "What lady did this?" and I told her, "A Mexican lady,” and went unconscious again. I came barely conscious again in the back yard only to realize how painful my legs where. The next time I came conscious I was in the ambulance and a group of some 5 or 6 men where ripping off my clothes and putting on these strange pants and squeezed my legs, and this scared me. I started fighting them and then went unconscious. I was conscious again in the hospital and saw a lot of people in frenzy and my legs still hurt very badly.
The next time I was conscious, I was floating near the ceiling and saw my self lying on the table with a lot of people trying to safe my life. I knew I was dead because I heard someone say; "We lost her,” and they began to panic. I turned away from my body and immediately found my self floating, as if walking, through a tunnel toward a bright light at very end. The movement through the tunnel was continued in a slow sort of methodical way, never speeding up or slowing down. And as I consistently glided on, images of everyone I knew and love drifted past me on the sides. I saw my Aunt Vicky and her new baby boy. They were happy. I saw my mom cleaning the house. I saw my dad getting in his truck. I believe I saw more images, but can't recall all of them. Them I felt as if some one else was there but did not see them. They said, "It wasn't time for me to go.” And very abruptly it seemed, I was taken or jerked out of the tunnel.
The next thing I knew I was sitting on the roof of the hospital, or above it somehow, waiting. I was watching the cars drive by and it began to snow. Someone approached me on my left, I could hear and feel their presence, but never saw their image. This presence moved from my left behind me and sat on my right and we talked. I know the conversation was light and about not anything too dramatic or demanding. We spoke of easy things, like to people who are just getting to know each other might do, and it also was very comfortable, as if I had known them my entire life. They said that I had another purpose and that I needed to go back. We sat for a time longer and watched it snow together.
The next thing I knew I was waking in the hospital with tubes in every part of my body. I was unable to speak because I had a respirator, and both of my arms where splinted at the elbows. I banged on the bars until someone heard me. Then asked for my mom. I told her again "That I loved her,” as soon as I saw her. I then was given a pen to communicate, and it was only then that anyone knew exactly what had happened. The woman was then caught. I told my Mom, when I was able to speak, about the out of body experience and the light and that I watched it snow. She was astonished by this and told me that she too had watched it begin to snow. We both spoke of the car that was in front of the hospital. I told her it wasn't my time to go. She was glad. I wouldn't change any of my attack because I feel that the gift of life from a new perspective has made me richer of soul and understanding. That life is a gift of time to enjoy everything you can, to love, to laugh, and to cry. To just experience and learn. And when you leave the earth to go wherever you go, you take every feeling and experience with you. I often say that I don't fear death, I fear having to live without those I love on earth more. It's interesting that I was torn about having to return to earth, but believe that I would have lived it up either way.
By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:22 pm:
I had taken a bottle of adult aspirin for back pain, about 100-160 caplets, a bottle of rum, and a bottle of iodine. I had been on the phone with a friend and told them what I had done. I realized that someone would find me if I stayed at my house. So I hid at the dock about five minutes away. I knew where there was a ditch that no one would find me. It was raining terribly and I hid down the ditch between a piece of wood and a tree. I remember hearing people yell my name and the sounds of people walking around searching but I could not move. My vision was blank. I fell asleep for what turned out to be six hours. I remember looking up from my sanctuary and thinking this feels like a grave. I saw Blackie, a ghost I had been close to since early childhood. I had not seen him in a long time. He was motioning for me to come to him. It was late night/early morning. I began to claw my way up out of the ditch afraid to look behind me and see my dead body. My motions were stilted and my mind muddy. For the whole time I felt dead. No angels, family members, light in a tunnel. Just emptiness. I finally clawed my way to the top. By this time the paramedics and police had given up and told my parents the chances that I was alive were slim.
When I got to the top Blackie had moved. My head was spinning and I could barely walk, but I knew Blackie was leading me and I had to follow. I stumbled after him and he seemed to flit from sight and move to a new location. I followed. It was now around 3 am. After about fifteen minutes of my unsteady steps, I saw him reach the driveway to the docks. And then he smiled and was gone. I walked to the spot he disappeared at and looked up the street. Even at that late hour my parents had not abandoned their search. My father was at home waiting for any phone calls that may lead to finding me. But like a beautiful angel, my mother was walking my dog. I saw her and Barron and for a moment I thought it was just what I wanted to see. And then she called my name. And I ran to her.
The next day a doctor checked me out and amazingly I was fine. But I had myself institutionalized. While I was there I was awoken every night at least twice. It turns out that the doctors were sure my organs were going to fail from what I had done. But after a week of therapy and blood tests, they were all shocked to see that I was perfectly fine. And I knew there had to be some reason I didn't die that night. And I will live to find out what it is.
By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:20 pm:
[Shortly after the accident]
I was involved in a MVA with a train in. My passenger was pronounced dead at the scene of the accident. I remained conscious throughout the entire time of the accident and following it.
My experience was the filling up of the car with white hot light. A lot of heat involved in the light. The passenger was surrounded in it, almost golden. I knew she was dead but felt almost detached like I wasn't involved. My senses seemed so intense and acute I felt pain from them, sight, sound, smell especially. My nose filled with the scent of newborn baby's neck. (I hope this makes sense). It is a very sweet smell that babies only have for a few weeks following their births. I laid my head down for a moment and closed my eyes , felt warmer. But I felt such a PULLING at me ... that I wasn't to just stop.
I could not get out of the car by the door, so I slid out the broken window like a snake and hit the ground. While laying in the ditch, I experienced sights, sounds, smells acutely again. As before, I almost felt I was looking down upon someone else. The only grief I felt was regret at leaving my children behind without warning and sadness at what they would have to endure following my death. I saw my cousin who was brought up with my family as a sister to me. She has been deceased since 1994. After I told the ambulance attendant my children's names and what messages I had for them, I remember a feeling of snapping almost. Like a releasing of all will to live and letting go.
My injuries turned out to be fractures of the C7 vertebrae (neck), back, multiple ribs, pneumothorax(collapsed lung), internal bleeding from a tearing of my liver, head lacerations requiring stitches (50). I was airlifted to nearest trauma centre where I had other strange occurrences, but am now willing to blame the heavy medication I was on following the accident.
[Narrated two years later]
MVA in with a freight train. Passenger in car died on top of me. Felt incredible heat and light ... experienced her death with her ... I think it was at this point I left this world briefly ... came to smelling baby's neck smell ... I was conscious the entire time from moment of impact to transfer in ambulance to hospital. I broke my neck, back, pelvis, ribs, punctured lung. I was able to slide out of the car thru the window. Witnesses state it was hard to understand how I was doing it as my limbs appeared rubbery. Fell down, got back up again ... over and over. Kept trying to walk away. Appeared to witnesses as if someone was "pulling strings" above me. I saw my Dad who has been dead since 1985. Nurses and Doctors have no explanation for why I am alive ... most said it was a "miracle.” It has changed my life ... totally... in good and bad ways.
By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:17 pm:
It began with no warning, well, no conventional warning.
I heard a voice, in my mind, say "Get ready, something is going to happen. Don't let them interfere..”
I thought it some fancy of my young mind ... however, I took such fancies to heart. Especially since they were not your usual childhood fare.
I told the person that was with me, that something unusual was going to happen and all that I could tell her about it, was that she must not interfere ... no matter what.
I lay back and saw a light form leave my body. As it was leaving, I realized that it was me. I knew that I was dying. I gasped to get air into my starved lungs ... but something went awry. I was yanked out of my body. I had no doubt that I was dead, stone cold dead. I would have panicked, if I had cared much. Death was not too shabby, weird, not at all what I expected, but none to shabby. I was seeing and learning information about the very fabric of things, the nature of the Universe, how micro becomes macro and vice versa.
I followed the proverbial light, through space ... not a tunnel.
I figured out some things that changed me forever. I worked out that the Universe is far from static, and that we affect it every day ... we just don't notice to what extent we are changing that which we observe.
I got to a boundary and knew that to proceed would break the tether to my body, and then getting to either my body or the light would require me to move under my own will. Those who got distracted and wandered were caught in a dream world of sorts, searching for connections that can lead them home ... what/where ever home may be for their soul. It is not a scary place, like the limbo we often think of. It is just a waking dream of the spirit.
Suddenly I was yanked out of my litany of questions that I was systematically throwing at the Universe, with mixed results.
I found myself in my body, sort of. That was the only frightening part of the experience, being half in and half out of my body. It was like having my own feeling body, sewn to a corpse. I could see body parts, like my hand lying limply in my lap, but I felt my hand on my friend's shoulder and I felt horrid and transient, like I could be ripped out again. After a time, it righted itself. A few minutes passed before I was right in the head.
My friend had been furious at me for dying on her. She got no life signs from me for over ten minutes, according to her. I didn't know that was possible, to be dead that long with no brain damage. In emergency medical training we heard of stories where people were brought back in far stranger circumstances ... many of them children. Kids just come back easier ... no one seems sure why, but it is one of the perks to resuscitating tykes, they survive.
My friend was so freaked out that it ended our friendship. It made me who and what I am today. A child no more, I now wonder what happened, however, my belief that what I experienced was real and tangible ... so to speak, is unwavering.
Heady stuff for a child of twelve. Mildly confusing to the woman I would become.
I left home after that, at age twelve. I returned at the age of thirteen, and lived as an adult with my parents after that. Even they knew that something would never be the same again. I left school and attended college at the age of sixteen, and left home for the final time at age seventeen. I was an honour student for the four years, 4. 0 GPA, and as peculiar as they come. I am now an ordained minister, non-denominational, and have several interests that are service oriented. I feel like I can do right by the lifeforce, if I start with those around me.
Thanks for compiling this data. I could have used it growing up, and now others can find it while still in the throws of dealing with this phenomena.
By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:16 pm:
I was hit while crossing on a green light. Not my fault, but that didn't matter much in the aftermath.
I was conscious through it all, for a time anyway. I had some medical training, which meant that I knew exactly how broken up I was. My gallows sense of humour never left me for a moment. I knew that I was bleeding out. I knew that my lower right leg was •••• near destroyed mid leg.
I would have been far more unnerved, but for the crowd that had gathered at my feet. They were inadvertently blocking traffic, and I could feel a most tangible sense of love and protection. They were so kind and caring and longing to help, though they could do little else but emote. One woman held my head an inch from the cold pavement, and a young man held my hand to console me. I didn't cry, I didn't even mind the pain.
I was suddenly aware that there were far more people that were kind and caring, than I had ever thought possible. The fire department had fire-fighters on scene after what seemed like ages, but was only about five minutes from the time of impact. They were cracking jokes with me. They too are often possessed of a wicked sense of dark humour.
I used the memory of those nice loving people to hold me together through what was to follow. I saw the skull x-ray, my skull x-ray. It was not good. Eight staples later, they stopped the bleeding of my scalp ... no problem. Then I saw my leg, not good. I was conscious, and determined to remain so with the head injury that I had sustained. I did not want to experience a coma ... again. I insisted on having an epidural. I happily bent over, shattered leg and all, and took the needle without a single wince.
Somewhere, something went awry, I dropped out ... and woke up barely stable and just post intubation. Which is not fun, ask anyone who's been there.
I have had more than one run in with death, and I am starting to understand things that are somewhat disturbing in the scope and depth to which they have taken my awareness.
I was physically too fragile to even be moved after the accident, and for a week thereafter. I underwent another two or three operations after that. All were preformed in the trauma unit. In the end, I lived. In theory ...
I spent a year in a wheelchair. I was fueled by the sheer depth of the love I had felt from the bystanders at the accident. I told many people in hospital of my revelation and how it drove me to have a new outlook on the world.
I began go outside when accidents happened in front of my house, as I had once done while training to be an EMT firefighter. I was barely mobile and still had a concussion, but I was driven to help others the way I had been helped. I made a difference too. I was again driven to become medic.
One day my friend, who was at the accident scene, was listening to me tell the story of all the wonderfully kind bystanders that changed my life path. He was giving me an odd look. He told me that there was no one there. He insisted that only two drivers stopped to watch, and that even the fire dept. was not on scene then, there simply were no bystanders, let alone a whole throng of them. I described the woman who held my head and the man who held my hand, and how they had been there while he had been watching. He was positive that no person even touched me before the engine and medics had arrived. None of them fit the descriptions that I gave.
I was heartbroken at first. I wanted them to be corporeal people, then I could view all mankind in a more gentle light. Then it dawned on me, that whatever caused my 'vision' of those loving people, it was acting in my best interest. Whether it was a misfire of a mass of damaged neurons, or an assembly or angels, or just the poor souls of civilians that have met their end in that intersection, it did not matter. At worst, we are highly adapted to stress and can chemically ease our death with nice images and emotions. At best, there is a force out there that has our best interests in mind, and heart.
I am not the same person who was hit; she died, in one way ... if not the other. I never sought confirmation of clinical death at the time. I was a bit busy trying to stop bleeding. That lasted longer than you would think, over the next few months.
I could have lost my leg, which was reattached, and I would not have had trouble accepting that. In fact, I expected to lose it. I could have bled out, a half dozen times, and that was fine by me as well. I fully expected to die in that street, and I was completely at peace with the world. My heart was as light as a feather. I knew true love. I could die quite happy. It was a good day to die, I guess.
So, no matter what we face, it is nice to know that we can never be alone in crisis. Whether an hallucination, or the love of the spirit, or the love of Our Lady, the outcome is the same.
I want to train to become a medic again. I understand a fearlessness and composure that is highly adaptable in such chaos. I can bring this force with me to others and console them, even amidst their own medical nightmare. The response has been remarkable. Now and again they find me after their accidents, and they are so happy and so thankful that someone had been there to help them and notify their families. It was not me in particular that they felt grateful for, it was the fact that someone, a stranger, would help them in their darkest hour. Someone who wanted nothing more than to ease every ounce of their suffering and who would hold their hand. Someone who had faith, in everything and everyone.
That is what I keep in my heart. ..
That is who I am now, the stranger who holds hands in the darkest hours.
I am happy. I get it now. Life is work, and I love it. .. and all in it.
By Anonymous on Thursday, July 8, 2004 - 09:15 pm:
I was nine years old, months before we would leave Alaska (Dad was stationed there in the Air Force). My friends and I were playing a game called "Bumper Cars" on the slide, about fifty yards from my back porch. I was the first in line, so I slid to the end of the slide, turned sideways so my feet would not touch the ground, and then one by one, each child slid down behind me, ultimately trying to knock me off of the slide. I had about six of them piled up behind me when I finally lost my grip and fell off. This time, everyone else fell with me and I ended up at the bottom of a very heavy pile of kids. I had hyper-extended my wrist a little bit, pulling the muscle at the back of my forearm. I yelled for them to let me up, and then I started walking toward my house. I got about half-way there when everything went black. I had fallen flat on my face, breaking my front tooth. My friends all thought I was faking it, or just kidding around, until one of them saw that I was convulsing. My best friend went to get my mother, and her sister went to get their mother. Both mothers tried to call an ambulance at the same time, but got a busy signal, two or three times before they simultaneously ran out to check on me. Meanwhile, I have this "dream": I approach the back door of my house, and my mother meets me there. I tell her I don't feel good, and she picks me up and carries me to my room. I note that my room is beautiful, clothed in soft, white cotton, and the sheer white curtains floated on the breeze above my bed (from behind the headboard). Mom puts me to bed, kisses me on the forehead and says, "You'll be alright, sweetheart. You just need to rest for a while.” And then she leaves the room, shutting the door behind her. When the door closes, everything goes black again, and then there's the bright tunnel. From the side of the tunnel, as if He himself is hiding in the darkness, a man's hand reaches down, as if to help me up. I reach for the hand, but before I manage to touch it, I hear a thunderous, (commanding but not frightening) male voice say, "No!" and I think "Not yet” was implied to me.
Simultaneously, I hear my mother's voice screaming, "My baby! My baby!" and I thought I heard her follow up with ”... is dead!" Turns out, somebody else said, "She's dead!" I struggle a little bit, but I can't wake up, I can't feel anything, can't move, and can't see. I start to scream, loudly and struggle to be able to do any of the above. I can't stop screaming until a hear the sirens, and I can tell they are getting closer. Finally, I regain vision, but I still can't feel, move, or speak.
The ambulance arrives and the sirens stop. Two men load me into the ambulance, and my eleven-year-old brother wants to go. They stop him and I see his face as he breaks into tears. I'm finally able to speak, "It's ok. Maybe Dad can bring you to see me.” Then, they close the doors and rush me to the emergency room.
Upon my arrival, there is nothing medically to find other than the obvious - signs that I had lost control of my bladder, I had broken a tooth, and I am now vomiting somewhat. Doctors follow up for months with EEG's, EKG's, blood work, you name it. They find nothing, not even initially, any evidence of my having hurt my arm or wrist. The pain was gone and never came back.
I recall feeling somewhat misplaced for a long time afterward. It wasn't like I didn't belong here, but more like I wasn't really here. I still feel that way on one hand, but at the same time, like there is a reason for it all. I can certainly see that I am needed in this place we call Planet Earth. I am very empathetic; I tend to literally feel the pain that others experience in everyday life. Signs of moral corruption leave me with an undeniable need to pray for people, both the corrupt and victims of such. I have experienced religiously oriented nightmares, as well as vivid dreams that soon after proved to have been foretelling. Such as, when I was about three months pregnant with my first (and only) son, I had been recently concerned about how I would know what my newborn would need or want. Then, I had this dream: I was in the delivery room, the doctor handed me this baby. His skin was somewhat dark, but his hair was blond and curly. (My baby was born with thick, wavy blond hair and somewhat dark skin. He tans very easily and never gets sun burnt, despite the fact that he spends a lot of time in the sun.) Within minutes, he appeared to be a three or four-year-old boy, but still tiny and wrapped in the hospital blanket. He looked at me with purpose and told me in plain English what he needed. (When my son was born, he carried a look of purpose, intense understanding.) I woke from that dream knowing that I wouldn't have any trouble on the receiving end of communicating with my newborn.
Here's what's really weird: For the first three months of his life, he always woke up between four and five in the morning, screaming like he was starving to death. One morning, when he was less than ten days old, he did this, and before I could start feeding him, he screamed, "Hungy!" Not once, but four times with each breath that he took. The last time was just as clear as the first. He is now five years old, and people are shocked upon meeting him to hear such articulate vocabulary and ideas come from a child his age. He talks in his sleep and when he's alone. He talks to strangers without skipping a beat. He never stops, and I know he didn't inherit this trait from his father or me, because neither of us are "talkers.”