I was in a coma due to accidental lithium poisoning. I briefly flatlined during that time. The cause was my doctor overprescribed lithium for me. I had been sick for months and I didn’t know what was going on and no one did anything about it even though the signs were problematic and apparently obvious and overt. Sometime during my time in the ER my lithium level was checked and it was at a toxic level. Poison Control was called to help manage my care.

After the ER I was sent to the ICU. I spent three days in the ICU and about a month on Short Term Disability. I saw a therapist for about ten months for Trauma Care.

How it started: (6/30/23 About 8:00 PM) One night after dinner, I got into my PJ’s, crawled into bed to watch Family Guy, and started throwing up and falling asleep at the same time. That’s the last I remember of it. And then there was this…. I look behind me to see that tiny, pinhole of light close into darkness. I look twice just to confirm it’s done and gone. I’m free, and it’s amazing. Sweet relief. I’ve done everything that I could do possibly do to be of service down there. I don’t miss any person, and oddly I’m not concerned about how they will feel about this. But I do miss my Maya, my dog. Lord knows how much I love her.

It’s just peaceful and comforting to float towards this all-encompassing, golden light in front of me. It’s bright, but it doesn’t hurt my eyes. It slightly illuminates the dark tunnel that I’m floating through, almost like I’m being pulled towards it telekinetically. I float upwards into eternal, all-knowing, all-comforting, immensely peaceful bliss into the glowing, comforting light before me to see what is on the other side of the puffy-cloud darkness that I am in now.

And when I get there it’s just simply beautiful. Just nature, trees, crisp air, water, meadows. The colors are so vibrant and distinct. I cannot explain them. I can’t tell which is bluer, the sky or the water, or where they meet. The blue of both shine like diamonds. It’s just awe-inspiring. The waves crashing on the shore sounded melodic, the wind sounded wise, if that makes sense. There was always a gentle breeze as if it was keeping you company. All scents had a heightened aroma. The sea had a sweet, salty scent. The grass smelled fresh cut amplified. The flowers had a scent that was so potent it reached me even though I wasn't particularly near them.

I don’t see a sun, just that naturally bright light with golden, pearl-like illumination that seems to be everywhere. It’s warm and it totally envelops you. It’s all just majestic. I’m standing in this meadow, barefoot, toes playing in the grass, trying to contain my hair from the breeze. I do a 360 and it’s just gorgeousness everywhere I look.

But I’m lost. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to stay here or if I’m supposed to go someplace in particular.… There’s a lush forest behind me, but no little woodland critters. Speaking of which, where are my little critters? I can think of at least ten of my fur babies who should be here. Aren’t I supposed to see them at the Rainbow Bridge? Being an animal rescuer, I would assume that would be my first stop.

“HELLO????..........I THINK I’M LOST…….” “HELLO…………ARCH ANGEL ANYONE? I’M VERY CONFUSED.” …… Um…… ………. “IS SAINT FRANCIS OF ASISSI AROUND?” …….. Like, dude…seriously…….

“Do not be confused. You may not be where you should be.” The voice I felt was masculine and calming, but with a loving firmness. The wind kicks up when I feel those words through energy. Not telepathy, but on a soul level, if that. A cellular level. I can’t describe it. It’s like talking to yourself even though you’re not. “Umm….hi…..Sorry, but I’m very confused. I thought I’d see my animals. That they’d be waiting for me.” “Not just yet. It is still being decided.” “What is?” “Patience at this time.”

Not something I have a whole lot of, but I feel that it’s safe to trust it. I’m not stupid. I know where I am. This just wasn’t what I was expecting. You’re supposed to be greeted by loved ones and ancestors and your pets. There’s not a living soul here, yet I feel nothing but the love of 1000 souls in itself. It’s like the love is living in the nature that surrounds me. It’s hard not to let it overwhelm you. And this love is a sense of total understanding and full acceptance. No apologies for being me and not being what other people always wanted me to be and never living up to those standards. I’m ok with that. Maybe that is what love is supposed to be in the first place?

“You must return.” The wind blows my hair across my face again and I push it out of my eyes swiftly because I didn’t like what I just heard. “From where I just came from?” “Yes.” “…….why?” “You must go.”

“Noo nononono…….hold up..nono…..I’ve been called home. Here I am. I’m ready to be here and be a spirit guide and do whatever you need me to do…..from here. But please in whoever’s name I’m talking to, please PLEASE do not send me back there.”

I drop to my knees in that tall grass and start to sob. I make just one plea, “don’tmakemego.” “Victoria, please understand that you have tasks that await you. You have messages to give. Your work is not done. You were given gifts. You must use them.” I don’t care. I just cry. “But I’m just so tired.” I’m still pleading. But they know that, and I know that it won’t make a difference. “Find your strength in The Lord Your God who will carry you through your duties.”

I feel myself being gently pulled to my feet as I wipe my eyes and try to make peace with this. “Can I at least see my fur babies….” “Yes. Your Maya awaits you.”

7/1/23, 4:10 AM: Some Nurse is sticking me in the arm with a needle 1000 times and acting like I wouldn’t wake up from it. “There you are. Sorry about this. It’s good to see you. We thought we almost lost you for a minute.” You did.

And my Maya was called home ten months later. Maya was called home two days prior to me starting a new job as a Social Service Coordinator in a Residential Section 8 Home for Seniors and then I began a new endeavor as a Hospice Aide after 20 years in Human Resources as a Recruiter. Not a road that I chose, but one that was chosen for me, as everything seemed to be from happenstance. I’m not trained or skilled for either role, yet they were both handed to me effortlessly on the premise that I “know how to treat people.” I love my job. I took a $27k pay cut to have it, but I never worry about money. It always comes in some way or just in time.

Actually, God may have blessed me with enough that it hopefully won’t be an issue for a while and I can concentrate on my work. For Hospice, I know when I get my first client, that no matter what the situation is, that I will be guided in the right direction. I should be scared, but I’m not. I’m honored to help others go to a place where eternity is nothing but peaceful and love is totally pure. It took a long time of making peace with the anger of being sent back. But now that I’m on the path that was meant for me, and I know what I’m supposed to be doing, I’m glad that it happened the way that it did. I thank the Lord for the opportunity and gift to work on his behalf. I thank him for always providing. I thank him for making things easy. I trust in his timing. I know that he has blessed me in a way that I could never imagine unless I went there in the first place.

Though I totally miss my dog.

And here we are today. In some tormented way, where the party never ends and the people and animals who you love leave and nothing is for certain except for uncertainty itself, right? Which is super awesome for someone who has an anxiety disorder. And though I have finally made my peace with it, it doesn’t make me any more happy about it.