As I went to the nurse’s station, I watched them gathered together for their daily meeting. They were discussing the cases of patients on the ward and planning the day ahead. I rushed up to them and interrupted the meeting. ‘Please, I need to talk to you, it’s urgent.’ ‘What’s up, Susie?’, said my favourite nurse.
‘I am pretty sure that I am going to die. Please keep an eye on me. I am going to die soon. I can feel it.’
‘You are not going to die, Susie. We will look after you and keep an eye on you to make sure you are ok. Please don’t worry. We will be with you very soon when we are done here,’ the nurse said in a gentle tone.
The nurses in these oncology wards are wonderful humans. It is tough work to deal with cancer patients. The nurses came to my room and did regular checks for temperature, blood pressure, heart rate and tests were regularly done through the day and night.
When I got back into bed, I felt a little more grounded after having walked across the ward, but I could still feel that my spirit was tugging and trying to exit from my body.
As I sat upright on the bed, I felt a swoosh and it was like my spirit was heading straight out of my body through a funnel going up towards where I imagine heaven to be. It was a remarkable sensation and an intense feeling. One that will always stay with me.
I felt like I was flying high. I had the sense of leaving the beautiful bag of bones that is my flesh and body as I became spirit form, like a gaseous whip of energy.
I had awareness of my whole being and knew that my spirit was no longer in its regular body vessel.
As I left my body, I became aware of some deep universal truths.
One of my cosmic discoveries was that time does not exist when we are out of the body. There is no reference point relating to time when we leave the body and go into the cosmos. I lost all ability to assess time and space while this experience was happening.
During the next stage of the journey, I found myself propelled around the universe in spirit form. This was the part that felt most like being in a Hollywood movie, I encountered a classic starry sky scene as I was leaving my body behind.
As I died in this life, and my spirit left me, my body lay motionless like an empty shell. I was watching events play out from a place above and separate from my body. I was looking down seeing that I was no longer inhabiting the body that I had since being born.
I became at one with the starry cosmos around me. In this space I felt peace, bliss and tranquillity. It truly felt like heaven.
As I travelled out of my body, I felt a sense of oneness with all sentient beings. I was spinning around the cosmos observing the formlessness of that which is present in this no-body state. I saw that everything is energy and sensed this deeply. The edges and boundaries that we perceive in everyday living, I understood were transient and illusionary. This included human concepts such as money, time, space and lack.
I was shown what the universe is like when we are no longer in our body. It feels like being in outer space with a sense of belonging to everything. There was a feeling and sensation of immense love. I imagined that this state is what being an angel feels like. A sense of overarching love and freedom without any fears.
I have no sense of how long I was out of my body; time was not relevant. In this space, there is no time. I learnt that everything is happening simultaneously and time is something that we make up. Its an unreal construct.
While I was out of my body and my spirit off on an adventure in the outer layers of the cosmos, I was given a choice about coming back into my body again or staying here in this other realm.
It felt good to be in this realm and free of worries. It was a deeply pleasurable experience. I knew intuitively that I only had one opportunity to decide whether to stay out my body or come back. There was only ever going to be one chance to return and this was it.
This was the biggest decision of my life: do I stay as a spirit or return to my body? It was crunch time. I had a choice to die or return.
It was an absolutely clear decision for me that I wanted to return back into my body and keep my life going.
I knew that I had more to do in this life on Earth. Although I was 55, my son was still young and I wanted to be there for him to give him some support to help him shape this part of his life and be with him in these formative years. This was the main reason I wanted to come back. I knew I had more to do in this life. I loved my young son so much and wanted to see him grow up and make his way in the world as a good man.
I felt that my soul had a contract to fulfil. I knew that it was possible to come back into life and that felt comforting. The trip around the universe was spectacular and cosmic and yet I knew that it would not be a permanent space for me at this time. I was sure that I would come back into life again and wanted to come back.
It felt just a moment that I was away from my body and yet so much seemed to have happened in that space and time.
The aspect I remember most vividly when I was swirling around the universe is that I got to see and experience that this is an energy-based universe where everything is connected.
I knew the theory of this already. I had written a book about energy and frequency a few years before, not realising that I would experience this universal law for myself in the cosmic realms. I had read a lot of ancient wisdom that says we are energy beings connected together by consciousness.
I had written about this idea in my first book, ´Instructions for Happiness and Success,´ and explored this topic in detail. Now I was experiencing the theory with first-hand experience.
I knew that quantum science explains life in terms of energy. I had read a lot of literature on quantum physics and quantum mechanics when I was researching for the book and became familiar with these concepts. I knew the contemporary theories of consciousness and interconnectedness.
In this journey out of my body I experienced first-hand what it feels like to be floating above and looking down on myself. I got to see this with my own eyes and understood that we are energy beings, emanating frequency and vibrating around the place. One shift in one part of the cosmos has a direct effect across the whole system. I saw how this works and began to understand some of the concepts I had read about for years before.
I know this idea can be hard to comprehend and understand from the perspective of everyday life for some people.
I am reporting here what actually happened to me. It is my own experience I am describing here. This is an event that will stay with me throughout this lifetime. To slip through the veil of life to the other side and then arrive back into the body again is a rare and spectacular treat. I feel lucky to have experienced it. I was courageous through it all and had no fear.
I have trust that we are all taken care of and that there is life after death, just in a different form. I feel blessed that this event happened and I got to experience this out-of-this-world adventure.
I was specifically asked if I wanted to come back into my body. I knew this was a choice point. If I said yes, I would be reconnected with my body and begin life again. If I said no to returning, then there was no turning back and my spirit would go free. There would be no return to this life again for me.
I made my choice. It was easy, I had a young son who still needed me in his life. He was too young to lose his mum. I also intuitively knew if I came back into my body, I would be healed. I would have a clear scan and come back into my body realigned and without the disease. This turned out to be the exact way it happened.
Once I had mentally got clear that I wanted to come back and set that intention, it was then that I was delivered immediately straight back into my body. It felt a fast and smooth entry back to life on earth.
It felt like it happened at the speed of light. I sensed a bright flash of light on re-entry. It was a subtle yet profound moment and one that is indelibly imprinted in my mind.
When I opened my eyes, I realised I was back in my body lying on the hospital bed just where I had started from.
Life took on a new perspective, my feelings had changed. I had forever changed. Everything seemed different from this point forward. I had never heard of the phenomenon of NDE before and only learnt about it afterwards. I found out that it happens to many people at moments of crisis, on facing death and life-threatening situations.
The most noticeable thing when I came back was that I had no fear. I could not access the emotion of fear even when I tried. It was like the fear programme had been eradicated in me. I was literally fear-less.
I felt courageous and mentally strong. I felt wiser and grateful for everything. I knew that I should not speak about this event too widely as people would think I had gone completely crazy - more so than I had been acting already. I didn’t tell many people what had happened. It was only much later that I felt it was safe to begin to slowly talk more about my experience.
I told my friend Gavin, a radio producer and dear friend, about my death and re-entry into my body experience the day it happened. He was one of just a few people I shared this story with in detail. I realised that most other people would think I had gone completely nuts or had been hallucinating imaginary events.
It’s difficult to tell people a story that you have died and come back to life. I expected there to be a general disbelief and unwillingness to accept this possibility. People do not know how to react to this kind of story. I didn’t want to tell the nursing staff about it as I was trying my best to act healthy and sane so that I could get out of this place. I knew by sharing this incredible adventure, I may put myself in the firing line for being given psychiatric treatment for being mentally ill or put on some heavy anti-psychotic medication. I didn’t want either of these routes so played it safe and did not disclose the details at the time to anyone other than a few trusted souls around me.
I returned to my body with new upgraded mental software and my mind’s operating system had received an upgrade.
Life would never be the same again. I began to see the world and other people differently. I feel more compassion towards others. I noticed I was slower to blame knowing that others around me were simply working within their own belief systems, programmes and cultural conditioning.
I got to understand in this context of being out of my body, how important intentions are around what we experience. I saw first-hand when you think a thought, set an intention or make a goal, everything around conspires together with miraculous synchronicities to bring this desire into manifestation.
I had written about this phenomenon in my book. I had no idea that I would experience this happening at the quantum field level and in such a miraculous way.
I had a comforting feeling knowing that when I came back into my body, I was mentally configured in a way to heal completely. Going out of my body and coming back in was the healing I needed to create these miraculous results that doctors could not explain.
I would completely heal from an advanced brain tumour that looked incurable to the medical world.