It all began during a minor back surgery.
I remember seeing the light but not being able to focus on it or understand what I was seeing. It was very brief, but unforgettable. When I came back I was overwhelmed with a sense of love and peace, but I did not understand it at the time.
It was 3 years later when I went back in for a major operation on my back. I remember them putting me under in the operating room. I woke up halfway through the procedure. I remember trying to sit up in extraordinary pain. I had asked if someone could help me as I got a hold of the clamp that was holding me open. Just then they slammed my head back in an attempt to restrain me. I felt a very sharp pain in my neck and I was above my body. I watched as they tried to resuscitate me. I saw them try to put the tube down my throat. Just as this happened, I again saw the light, but this time I knew where I was, and understood what the light really was. The light was from me. Once I understood this, I was able to focus past the light.
The overwhelming sense of love and peace was unlike anything you can experience here. The incredible amount of knowledge that you have is indescribable. There was no time. You could be at the beginning of existence or the end, or anywhere or anytime in between. This world no longer mattered while I was there. Everyone and everything are related there and we are all connected. There is no emotion there other than peace, overwhelming love, and pure understanding of how the universe works. There is no spite, anger, greed or negative emotions of any kind. Everyone here on this planet is there. Hard to explain but because there is no time - you are never really gone from there.
It was two days later when they woke me up. Because of the complications of the surgery, I never let the surgeons know what I had experienced for fear they would no longer treat me. I did not tell my experience to anyone!
Until 10 years later and to a complete stranger. An elderly woman that had lost her son and just recently lost her husband. Her pain for her loss made me uncontrollably spill my story and explain to her where they were. I was raised on a farm, raised to hide your emotions. Crying was not something a cowboy does. I cannot even think of my story, let alone tell it, without getting very emotional. Even now, I have had to stop several times to dry my eyes and compose myself to write this story. The emotions that are connected to this experience cannot be put in the written word.
It would be nice to be able to tell my story in person to someone who has experienced the same. I feel completely alone here now. I do not relate with people like I used to. Everyday banter is meaningless to me now and almost repulsive. I feel that I have a purpose here because of my experience, but I am still unsure of what it is.