My ex saved my life twice.
Once, by purchasing a full-face motorcycle helmet a week before I schmucked a dump truck. That miscue exploded the helmet and took the skin off the back of my hands. The second, she forced me to the hospital when I woke burning up. My face was a different shade of pale/grey. Sometimes I wish she would of let me go back to sleep. Lol.
The military hospital shoved a tube up my ass to find out what was going on. The genius in training was a tad enthusiastic, he perforated my intestine and subsequently ran the tube through my liver. That was the second time that day I passed out.
They removed 2 feet of my intestine with no clear explanation as to why. I probably missed that part.
I thought I dodged this bullet until my abdomen blew up like a full-term pregnant woman. The doctor rushed in my room, pulled the staples and proceeded to rip open my partially healed gut with his hands. This decisive, brutal action probably saved my life. (Most doctors deserve every penny.) I saw pus fly 2 feet in the air before I passed out, again.
Next thing I know I'm floating above the bed and could see myself lying there gutted as a deer with a brownish goo of pus and blood all over the nice white sheets.
An ethereal being with a no-nonsense countenance firmly grabbed my shoulder and proceeded to take me down a long rough-hewn vertical tunnel. It stunk, was hot and the air was void of oxygen. The sounds of anguish and filthy dialogue are indescribable. We hit bottom and were standing in wiggling worms up to my ankles; the stench and heat, oh the stench.
My eyes adjusted in the blackness and there, what looked like something growing out of the side wall of the cave, was a pathetic, defeated-looking black angel. It must have been there a long time as the mineral deposits encased it almost to the elbows. Its arms were together as if it had been handcuffed. It slowly glanced up at us then looked away. I actually felt sorry for it.
Demons of every type were flying all around screaming obscenities and wailing.
My tour guide raised his hand and things went quiet. I could get no air, as I was passing out. I figured I was toast. While going down I saw a shimmer of white on the cave floor and crawled to it. I laid on the cloth and immediately knew I would live. It was like a popsicle in the desert. I could feel the worms wiggling under the lifesaving barrier.
The entity grabbed me and took me out of the hell hole. I was back floating above and looking at my own dead self when, through no effort of my own, I reinhabited the vessel...My teeth were hot.
They tell me I was in hospital for 3 weeks, while I can only remember vague incident snippets from 2 days.
I did receive my last rites. As a nun-beaten altar boy I have to believe it helped; couldn't hurt....lol.
Sepsis is a beast.
One week after being discharged, I had my first heart attack at the train station.
This party was just getting started. One year later, my gut was still oozing.