It was the weekend after a typically late night of partying.
I awoke the next morning and soon was throwing a soccer ball back and forth off my deck to a child who was visiting with his Mom. A broken window pane was poking through a plastic garage bag on the deck, and I sliced my ankle badly.
I was honest with the doctors and they were very concerned about giving me anesthesia. I had completely severed the tendon that controls the big toe and needed surgery ASAP. They decided that any release of liability I would have signed would be invalid due to my activities earlier. My older brother had to come sign it.
I was prepped for surgery, and the next thing I remember was waking up, lying down and trying to figure out where I was. I was on my back, but there were light fixtures and cables around me, but I couldn't feel anything touching my body.
That was when I realized I wasn't lying down - I was upside down with my back on the ceiling!
Panicking, I hesitatingly looked down. I was in an operating room with a doctor and a nurse hunched over a patient, working by someone's feet.
Then, the events of earlier in the day came flooding back. It was me! I couldn't see my face, something was blocking my view, but it had to be me. Or at least the shell I'd been in for 24 years.
My religious training kicked in and I was immediately in fear of going to hell. All I could do was scream, inside my head as I couldn't speak for whatever reason, "IM NOT READY!!!".
That is the last thing I remember. It was like a vacuum cleaner had sucked me back into my body.
I told nobody for a couple of years. My life and career were going nowhere and I decided to join the recovery community and, a few months later, the Christian community.