It was roughly 1995. I was a youth resident at a church school. Looking back, two small and one largely impactful happening took place shortly prior to my experience.
I feel they are valuable to all, so noteworthy preface:
1. A required memorization of a particular scripture (prerequisite by church school staff to attending an outing: Jars of Clay concert). Scripture: (my version of Romans 12:2) "Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of the mind, then you'll be able to test my will, my good, pleasing and perfect will."
2. Max Lucado’s book, 'And the Angles Were Silent' in the final week of Jesus. Thursday night (day of Jesus in that book) share of that book by school staff broke me open. Jesus became real, relatable. From imperfect memory, a small mixed snippet: that's him, on the ground, the man in the sweat soaked garment, his hair plastered to his wet forehead, kneeling, imploring, he agonizes. Fleets of clouds float, a breeze cools, insects sing, leaves stir. He knows what it's like to be torn between two desires, he knows what it's like to be betrayed, he knows his betrayal is moments away, but he does not accuse, does not lecture, instead he prays. In that moment he made his decision, he'd rather go to hell for you than go to heaven without you.
3. Unexpected co-creation therapy initiated by my assigned counselor. She arranged an alternative therapy method, hypnotherapy, by a third party. Her earned trust & staying in the room allowed me to surrender to the process and it instantaneously worked. Emotional freedom, release, liberation.
I gather/sense, in hindsight, those 3 happenings in short order played a "vibratory role" potentially.
My experience: a rule at school is no solo movement on campus; pairs or better. This particular day and only this one time, I was reluctantly given permission to quickly fetch a forgotten belonging from the girl’s locker room through the cafeteria/gymnasium. Hurrying respectfully, I was on my way back and suddenly in the empty vast gymnasium found myself in the presence of a being of light. I froze. I don't even remember breathing. Floor to ceiling, the area is pretty large, and the being was floor to ceiling, roughly. Brighter at the core, some distinguishable light variance. It had form, but formless at the same time. Beaming living light, brighter than the sun, but easy on the eyes.
My body responded like it had a "mind of its own," wanting to drop down. I clearly recall that, like I was the observer, recognizing its innate response to the light and honoring it, like an "it" other than me, but not resisting it's wish to kneel. And the way I felt about that, it wasn't a “you're better than me” feeling, like "I should" do this. No, it was honor, a pleasure. I don't recall actually contacting the ground but most certainly felt that kneeling energetically. It's hard to explain. I don't recall actual communicated information but could feel this open pathway where no words needed to be spoken to communicate. There was silence. I was in a frozen-like state of shock, just being, just observing, absorbing, allowing.
I'd not heard the phrase "peace that passes understanding." I know what it feels like now; it's not an idea or concept, it’s a knowing, it’s home. That being, rather the energy of that being, felt like home. I think I finally breathed. No sense of time.
Then, unhelpful human thinking began, and I spoke aloud. I can only gather what I said (the lowering vibration along with the thought/words) is why the being instantly disappeared. I asked, "What have I done to deserve this?" And it was gone. I stood there, still frozen, now looking at the wall that was once covered/hidden by the light. My sense of where I was, what I was supposed to be quickly doing, came back to me and the worry of being gone an unreasonable amount of time unfroze me. I hurried back to class. Staying in an altered state of awe, surreal awe, gratitude, loaded with questions, why me? what purpose? why did you show yourself to me? just confirmation, a greater purpose beyond that, what!!??
I told a male classmate later that same day. Completely re-telling in a state of pure innocence, so in-the-moment still that I didn't even consider how "crazy" I would be sounding to another. With a big smile on my face, I turned to see a visual response of strong rejection, unpleasant facial body language. Actually surprised by that, completely understandable now looking back. He didn't come around or speak to me much thereafter.
Years later, actually just in the last year, I was sharing this with my dad (again) and had thought my mom had also heard (numerous times, lol) but, to both my dad’s and my surprise, my mom abruptly stopped what she was doing and said, "I nearly had the exact same thing happen to me at 18!" We both snapped our heads and nearly in stereo said, "What? You've never shared that before now." Blasé, she replied, “Well, who would have believed me?” She went on to say that she told my grandmother, her mom, and again, floored by her response, supposedly my grandmother responded to her, "You know how many times that has happened to me?"
Okay, come on, what?! Three generations, maternal side, going with she's simply stating the truth, her truth and Grandma's. Then this is no damn coincidence, there's a reason, a generational purpose? Perhaps one generation not fulfilling said purpose, thus passed on? Until finally one does answer "this call"? If so, then what!!? What exactly!? I've been asking and asking, volunteering, willing, help me to help serve your good, pleasing and perfect will. Show yourself to me again, sit with me, talk to me, shine light on my brokenness, heal it, give me clarity and guidance, please!!
In my seeking to understand, find answers, find if others have been in the presence of a divine light being, I finally discovered NDErs. The way they described what they saw and greater still, what they felt! I knew those people could only articulate the way they were from actual experience. Like the way my mom described her experience. I keep pushing forward, very much feeling alone in this knowing, praying, holding doors, trying to fit in, and fervently asking life force source for purpose clarity. I'll do it, whatever it is of service to divine purpose, but I need to know what.