My childhood was VERY difficult. Home life was very difficult with angry parents. At the age of 10, I was accosted in a public mall and sexually assaulted by an older man who threatened my life and my family if I told.
I went to my parents and the police. He was caught. I had to testify in court. He went to jail for many years. (Turns out he had done this to many other kids but they were all afraid to testify.) I received no counseling or help to process the trauma. I also grew up as a gay mormon youth being told I was the “sin next to murder”. I tried to be a good straight mormon. I dated girls and broke many hearts, most of all mine because I couldn’t force myself to be something I wasn’t. It was impossible and my self-worth plummeted. I truly wanted to die. I had begun planning my death as the pain was too much. My self worth was totally destroyed.
When I was 23 (I am in my 50s now), I awoke in the middle of the night and in my room was standing a 7-foot-tall beautiful man, a being of beautiful light. He illuminated the whole room like a Super Nova. He wore white fabric that wrapped around him with colors that swirled like the colors on a soap bubble. I looked around and could see the tree outside, the furniture, and I touched the bed covers to be sure that I was awake. He told me not to be afraid (through "pure knowing thought communication") that he was here to give me strength, knowledge, and pure consciousness of what “this” is all about. They weren’t “words” they were pure communication right into the totality of my being. He asked me to lay still. As he moved closer I could feel each atom, in my body, begin to vibrate at a higher rate. It was like my body was filled with fizzy bubbles of loving energy that grew stronger the closer he drew to me. He placed his hands on my phyisical body ( I was laying on my side). One hand on the back of my head one on the small of my back. I could FEEL the physical pressure of his hands and fingers on my skin. Then..he began to speak...these weren't "words" that he "spoke" but the closest thing I can describe it was a conveyance of energy and "knowing," pure Love It sounded like celestial informational music (not words). I "saw" and felt PURE CONSCIOUSNESS/LOVE/LIGHT infuse into my body and Soul from the contact of each of his hands. This music was beauty in perfect syncronicity. I literally could see this light flowing into my physical body BOTH from my physical eyes and my "internal view" of my being.. This joy and euphoria was beyond any pinnacle of energy I have ever experienced since then. (I heard it called, “Orgasmic Consciousness” which is very accurate.)
He showed me perfect beauty...and perfect reality, perfect expanse of the totality of the universe, one where EGO didn't exist. I felt him pull my Soul out out out above the earth and towards our Sun. I could “perceive” EVERY living thing that was on the earth and my connection to every living thing...then my awareness went out out out into the universe again perceiving vast civilizations who lived on far away planets. Again I could feel my perfect connection to each living thing on each world. These were places that were familiar. I knew I had lived on those worlds in many different forms and lifetimes. Each civilization was DEEPLY empathetic and loving towards each other. These feelings of empathy and love were engrained in me as far back as I could remember. To this day I am in shock every time I experience unkindness or anger of any kind. Earth was seen as the most difficult to incarnate into because we cause and experience BOTH emotional AND physical pain.
As this experience continued I reazlied I was both IN my body and out of it and, as this symphony of energy flowed, knowledge began to "download" into my being that flowed through this magnificant being of light next to me. It wasn't "education". It was clarity of what existence IS. As the energy began to grow more intense and brighter I remember thinking, "My physical body can't take much more of this, but my Soul could go on with no end soaking this up!" As soon as that thought hit, I “whited” out with a bright burst of energy. I woke up hours later and the places where his hands had touched me were tingling and RED.
For 30 years I had wondered who this being was and why I had that experience. It granted me healing from the past traumas of my childhood. The desire to kill myself was gone. I know I would not have lived much longer without that experience, as my body was too damanged emotionally. From that point on, I used it as the “Energy Test” as to what is REAL and what is the lower vibrational human "ego" trying to control me as a whole. I went on a mormon mission and realized this was NOTHING as I was shown by that Being of light. Over a few more years I finally left that religion and came out as gay. I dated a lot. The first moment I met my husband his “energy” matched that being of light. I knew this was who my Soul was searching to re-connect with from the life before.
In May 2018 someone recommended the book: "Dancing on a Stamp" (written by this corporate attorney) who shared that he came across one of his guides in the form of a homeless man. They had conversations about what life is about. THEN he began dreaming about him. His guide took him to the Spirit side and began showing him much more info. He was directed to write it down in books. (Hence the 4 he published. You can find them on Amazon)
Reading that FIRST book I was in awe as EVERYTHING matched the energy signature of my experience YEARS ago. That night I had a dream. In that dream that SAME man (who appeared in my room 30 years before) came to me in my dream. He told me he was my guide and was the man in my room years ago AND his was the voice that saved my life when I was nearly in an accident when a drunk driver was heading my way and he told me to change lanes.
He took me from my body to this beautiful building and into an expansive room. On his right was a woman and his left a man. He said these were all guides of mine and that when my life’s work was complete I would RETURN the favor and be THEIR guides while they incarnated into a life. He said I had done that for him already and he was returning the favor in this life. He said our Souls leave our bodies every night (as the book said) and the book had opened that awareness in my body so this could happen. Every night, when we return to our bodies, the physical flesh of the human body acts as a “slowing down” that brings the vibration of the Soul back down to this lower vibration and is what causes us to forget these nightly meetings.
He said JUST this night they would allow me to remember this meeting as my Soul had put this into the map of my life on purpose so they were honoring it. He said we would now have a “Quantum Q and A session” and proceeded to "download" a BUNCH of info to me. I remember most of it…other parts he said would pop up as needed. He said I shouldn't be afraid to share my experiences any more and to do so when people were open. He said our world is learning what empathy truly is. Many are awakening to those advanced Souls who HAVE EMPATHY (which means they have lived many lives . That is how you tell an advanced Soul = they have EMPATHY. Not just compassion… empathy.) He said not to worry or live in fear. We ALL need to “LIGHTEN UP! “ and enjoy our lives! We need to FLOW with the RIVER of LIFE. Each Soul has mapped this life. If we can LET go and FLOW EVERYTHING works out.
Their job is to help us stay on the map of our life. BUT free will is honored above all. We can choose for ourselves. They will always try to get us BACK on the course that WE designed. He said suicide is almost ALWAYS because a younger Soul is anxious for SOUL GROWTH so they put a LOT of challenges in a life time. Their guides and more advanced Souls in their “Soul group” will try to get them to take out those extra challenges and bring it down to a more manageable life. Instead they will forge ahead because they are making decisions from a place of PURE LOVE and JOY and ACCEPTANCE and EUPHORIA.
The Souls does not realize how difficult incarnating is. So they allow it and the Soul gets here and is overwhelmed and as predicted they check out early. There is NO judgment. They allow the Soul to review that life and decide if they want to try again here on earth or on a world that isn’t so harsh. Many will try again. Some will check out early again. (Free will is ALWAYS honored here, and there.) Some may take a few lives until they begin to map out a life that they can grow at a steady pace and hold out until the end. Again no judgment. No horror from their side that someone checks out early. They are greeted with LOVE and TOTAL acceptance. Life is JUST a play and we are all just actors playing a part in a script that WE wrote. (A lot more info was given to me…but that is an example of a few points that changed my views completly) Another was abortion and/or miscarriage. Souls are never surprised when a pregnancy does not go to term. It simply doesn't bother entering that human body. It aligns with another that will go to term once all Souls involved have agreed (the parents and child Soul). There were many concepts that were shared that became incredibly simple after. Before my experience I agnoized over these ideas with a great deal of fear and guilt.
I woke up totally surprised and shared this with my husband. (He knew about my experience of 30 years ago.) I shared with my husband EVERYTHING they told me about him. He was in shock as many things he had never told me (internal struggles, etc.).
This mystery was FINALLY solved for me. My guide had been there all along. What he shared was a back up of what I had during my NDE. He clarified a lot of things…mainly that my Soul had mapped out this life and to be upset about the challenges were silly because I HAD mapped it out. He made it clear that my mission was to keep on track..and to listen for guidance. Above all he said we all need to lighten up and not take life so seriously. We can't mess up here; it is JUST Soul Growth!
My NDE type experience is different than the wonderful NDE experiences I have read over the years. I have searched for others who have had a similar experience to my own and have found a few people. I am sharing here in hopes that others, who have had similar experiences, will share theirs as well. In sharing we change the energy of our world and raise the vibration to a higher place of living. For me it has been a bittersweet memory. My heart longs to return there and looks foward to the day that I do for good. I still think about it every day and struggle to live in both worlds. I have to focus to stay here and now and on path. Most of all I am just grateful for the healing it brought into my life. It has taken me 30 years to begin speaking and sharing this experience with others. What I wrote is only a snapshot of the concepts and expansion I was shown by this incredible being of light that I now know we all have (our own personal guidance team), guiding us on a daily basis to keep the path that WE designed before coming to this life.