Adults aren’t alone in having near-death experiences (or “NDEs”). Pediatric near-death experiences are surprisingly common and share a number of characteristics with adult NDEs. And the topic of children and near-death experiences can be quite challenging for parents and caregivers to approach.
First and foremost, it’s important to understand that your child is not alone. There are countless reports of pediatric near-death experiences, and they’re oftentimes more similar than you might think.
Also, keep in mind that children process information differently than adults. They have a harder time articulating complex ideas—ideas adults themselves often struggle to explain when they’ve had an NDE of their own. So as you navigate this topic, always try to remember that the child is likely struggling to put their experience into words, and that can feel frustrating for them.
Let’s examine the subject of children and near-death experiences. We’ll discuss how near-death experiences in children can affect them, and explore some of the ways parents, guardians, and other caregivers can help talk about childhood NDEs with the children who’ve gone through them.
Children and near-death experiences: Causes of NDEs
As we discuss at greater length in our article on the causes of near-death experiences, there are many known situations that may result in an NDE. They’re most frequent in cases of serious illness or injury, life-threatening situations, or being clinically dead for any period of time.
Research shows that cardiac arrest victims are more prone to near-death experiences than others. Some research indicates that 40 percent of adults who survive cardiac arrests also have NDEs. So it stands to reason that children who experience cardiac arrest are more prone to having NDEs as well.
A child of any age can have or report a near-death experience. There does not appear to be specific age group that is more or less susceptible to NDEs than any other. There are even documented cases of children having NDEs at extremely early ages—barely old enough to speak.
What types of childhood NDEs have been reported?
Researchers have found that both pleasurable and distressing near-death experiences have been reported with childhood NDEs. Pediatric near-death experiences are oftentimes accompanied by a comforting initial experience as well.
Noted NDE researcher and prolific author P.M.H. Atwater studied over 270 childhood NDEs. She found that:
- 76% reported a comforting “initial” experience. Such experiences involved up to three elements—a loving nothingness, a friendly voice, a visitation by a loving being, an out-of-body experience, and/ or the peacefulness of a safe light or a safe dark place
- 19% reported a pleasurable experience
- 3% reported a distressing experience
- 2% had a “transcendent” experience in which they felt they acquired special knowledge
How do childhood NDEs compare with adult NDEs?
Many of the same features—details and structural elements of each NDE—are reported in cases of both pediatric near-death experiences and adult NDEs. But there are key differences not only in the reporting of children and near-death experiences, but in the features of the NDEs themselves. Childhood NDEs tend to:
- Include fewer features
- Be more concrete and less complex. However, some childhood NDEs do include more complex features, including otherworldly scenery and / or a “life review”, where they see pivotal replays of their life events to date—what we often refer to as someone’s “life flashing before their eyes”
- More frequently include visitations from deceased pets or other animals, relatives the child never met or even knew about, and sometimes from other living people
How are children changed by childhood NDEs?
Having a near-death experience can result in profound changes both for adults and children. But where children and near-death experiences are concerned specifically, common changes include:
- Increased sensitivity to medications, bright light, and/ or loud noises
- Altered biological patterns, such as sleep patterns, levels of attentiveness, etc.
- Increased interest in “universal love” rather than love of specific people
- An apparent lessening of bonding between parents and children. The child may demonstrate their feelings toward their family differently or less than they did previously.
- Heightened distress from news media and popular media, including news reports and from violence in TV shows, movies, and video games
- Increased interest in being of service to others, and / or a strong desire to volunteer for charitable causes. Often includes increased sensitivity to others’ feelings
- Increased interest in spirituality or religion
- A heightened hunger for knowledge, particularly with regards to philosophy, which can lead to unusual reading material choices for people their age
- Appearance of being more mature and difficulty relating to other children their own age
Childhood NDEs often result in:
- Increased intelligence
- Alternate methods of perception, including heightened synesthesia (“smelling” color, “seeing” sound, etc.)
- Atypical learning—some children who have an NDE might begin learning things “out of order” or in an atypical way, according to Piaget’s four stages of cognitive development
Children and near-death experiences: adjustment phases
With any near-death experience, there’s an understandable adjustment period where the experiencer needs to acclimate to life after an NDE. And this is perhaps more true in cases of pediatric near-death experiences. Children will often have a harder time processing the experience and adapting to it.
P.M.H. Atwater suggests that children go through five stages of adjustment after a childhood NDE. These include:
- Withdrawal and internal adjustment. The child is recovering not only from their pediatric near-death experience, but from the physical illness or trauma that led to their childhood NDE
- Social and behavioral adjustment. The child may realign with family and friends or seek out ways to be of service to others. According to Atwater, as many as one-third may turn to alcohol or drug use due to the discrepancy between their NDE and the reality of the world around them.
- A period of gain, where the child will develop greater self-confidence, affirm a sense of moral or spiritual values, and begin a career of service to others
- A period of discouragement. Sensing the disparity between their values and those of the prevailing culture, those who’ve survived a childhood NDE may face depression, and some may even be prone to suicidal thoughts or tendencies.
- Deep integration of the childhood NDE. During this phase, the child finds the confidence to live in the world from their own unique perspective, which is congruent with the values they’ve gained from their NDE.
How can caregivers help regarding children and near-death experiences?
Here are some crucially important things to remember with regards to children and near-death experiences, particularly when it comes to chatting with them:
- Ask open-ended questions and be gentle when you do.
- Be patient with your child and listen carefully to what they’re saying. Avoid interruptions, filling in the blanks on your own, or snapping to judgments.
- This is hard for them. Let them put their thoughts together and think out loud.
- The child is probably still dealing and coping with their injuries, illnesses, and/or traumas, apart from their near-death experience. Everything you do should involve healing.
- Even a pleasurable near-death experience can be traumatic and even terrifying, especially for a child. An NDE challenges a person’s perspectives, and it can be a lot to process for someone at any age, particularly children.
- Remember: this experience was extremely real for them, even if you personally don’t understand it or think it wasn’t.
- Respect the child’s confidentiality. Don’t share their experience with family or friends. Allow the child to do this on their own schedule and their own terms.
- Help the child figure out when it’s safe to talk about their NDE, and with whom it’s safe to do so.
- Prepare yourself for changes in how your child might learn and how they might adapt and adjust.
- Learn about NDEs and NDE support so you can help your child move forward.
- Some children may become spiritual or even religious. Be supportive of their beliefs, even if they’re not necessarily your beliefs.
The most important advice regarding children and near-death experiences? Pay attention!
We’ll close with one final piece of advice, and this is arguably the most important of them all with regards to children and near-death experiences.
Your child has just been through a lot. Not just the circumstances leading up to their childhood NDE, but the NDE itself. And this is all happening at a time when your child is absorbing information like a sponge. They’re developing logic, reasoning, mechanical, and social skills. They’re learning stuff. And having an NDE in the midst of all this can be a lot for any child to deal with.
Keep an eye out for signs your child is struggling to adjust after their childhood NDE. Be wary of withdrawal, depression, drug or alcohol abuse, or even suicidal tendencies. And you should immediately seek professional help from a licensed mental health professional if you’re concerned for your child’s wellbeing or mental health.
For many kids, a childhood NDE can be a beautiful thing. It can change the entire trajectory of their lives in remarkable ways. But it’s also an incredible challenge for them, too. So be sure to heed our advice regarding children and near-death experiences. Find support, and most importantly, be supportive. Your child might seem withdrawn. But that just means they need you more than ever.