NDE Accounts

A lifetime: Brief moments of light when suddenly truth beams on us

I was born October 29, 1960 as one of twin girls. One sunny day, my brother was tossing a large football-sized rock with a friend of his for fun. I was told to remain on the porch as they played but saw my dolly under a mimosa tree on a white iron chair that wrapped around the entire tree. I ignored the warning and went to grab it. As soon as I reached the tree the large rock hit my head and cracked my skull. I believe I felt warmth flush down my entire body. I heard a loud bell sound and my body dropped like a carelessly thrown garment as I went upward into the arms of a beautifully light-filled being, an angel.

I immediately trusted and loved this angel. I never wanted the angel to leave. I knew what was being told to me by this lovely joyful love-filled being was one hundred percent truth.  I was draped in the arms of this light-filled long-haired being and want to say red-haired being too. The light moved within the body as well as flowed as part of the clothing or gown she was wearing, but the light always kept me from seeing the face entirely. The light changed and danced throughout the being, blinding me from seeing this loving angel being’s face totally.

She was carrying me up a huge beautiful white spiral staircase, and brilliant lights were shining and sparkling all around us. I felt so safe. At that age (I was in elementary school, never was away from home) and in this being’s arms, I had not a single care in the world. I don’t think I gave a second thought to anything down here at that moment. I was in pure bliss. The being’s voice had a true joyful loving sound to it as well. Its honesty and love and joyousness, I could not only hear but felt inside my spirit.

I was looking around at the lights. When I mentioned how pretty they were to this angel being, this angel being agreed and said, “Yes.” As I heard the angel answering briefly to another presence, I was swallowed up into a lovely warm pink existence where there was what I would explain as a healing loving softness. That’s the best I can explain for now.

What my family was witnessing was totally different, even terrifying. My mother recalls driving out of town with seven of my other siblings when the awful knowing that something has happened to her daughter washed over her. She said it was a knowing. She drove to a phone and called home and turned back home after hearing the news.  From what I’ve pieced together, she saw me with my eyes rolled back, revealing the root, and I was bleeding a pool of blood from my head as well as covered in blood I had vomited.       

Back in my experience, I am laid down in what I believe to be mid-air. In space this angel chats with me, assuring me everything is just as it should be. This being directs my attention to my left and I see afar off a golden bright entrance. The being tells me heaven and Jesus are there and there’s a place for me. Now I know there was much more great discussion between us, but my memory was wiped possibly (haha). Really though, this being knew me entirely.

The angel being says, “Would you like to go to heaven or stay with your mommy and daddy?” As soon as she said mommy and daddy, I see a photo picture fly right up to my face in the middle of outer space where I’m laying comfortably with all the stars. The image that flies up was of my mommy and daddy fighting and I am immediately drawn to my mother’s image and a deep need to help her somehow. I had no care for my father at that moment, only the deep need to help my mother. When I saw my mother’s image, I chose to come back for her. The angel being told me to lie very still after assuring me everything was just fine. Well, everything goes black, but then something blacker than that black walks up and down along side of me a few times and leaves.

I wake up in the hospital, being told later I was in a coma for three days. I tell my mom some of what I had been through and she said not to repeat it. It’s funny I couldn’t tell her about the picture of her and dad that made me return. She told me not to talk of it. And I immediately knew she was thinking I had a missing screw bolt and rusty spring from my brain (lol). I was told the doctors were to do a surgery, but my skull had miraculously fallen back into place.

I’ve asked others in my family later in life, but apparently none of my other sisters and brothers were told of even where I was. Later I found out a lie had been told about who had thrown the rock. My brother did, not his friend who was blamed. They thought I wasn’t going to pull through. But even now I’ve never heard the entirety of the experience from their viewpoint because it was so very hushed.

I returned to school, but shortly after took aptitude tests, and I was passed from 6th to 8th grade for achieving a high score. I feel the NDE experience helped me answer the test questions, possibly giving me a higher IQ. I’m not saying I’m smart, but that something helped me answer...sounds insane lol. But I know I was helped somehow by the NDE. That’s the best I can explain.

Now, later in growing up, I was given the knowledge I would have a retarded child and that I was going to because I wouldn’t hurt a disabled child. I say retarded because that is the term I understood in that day. I recall actually standing at the end of our sidewalk wondering why I would have a retarded child, but knew I had to remember it.

Later in life I had my beautiful Down Syndrome daughter. I knew about this instantly. Before the doctors could say that she had Down Syndrome, I was telling them she has Down Syndrome. I had learned the term by a sister-in-law whose child was born with this extra chromosome (trisomy 21). Before they could tell me, I knew because I flashed back to the day I stood saying to myself, “You have to remember this day,” when I received the information I was to have a retarded child. So, yes, I remembered.

Other things occurred throughout my life that always reminded me this world is not all there is. When I was growing up in a very abusive home with an alcoholic father, I would pray for Holy Spirit to fill me from the bottoms of my toes to the top of my head. In one experience after prayer, Holy Spirit leapt into my body and immediately leapt out again, rushing through my head. But as if that wasn’t odd enough, when it jumped out of my head, my entire being was with that spirit, like being pulled with it together in unison. My body (my tent) was somehow being pulled upward as well, but it somehow shut me off from jumping out with the Holy Spirit. The force of spirit jumping out actually caused me to tilt my head back and raise my eyes involuntarily from the force.

Then I clearly heard my name being said by spirit. The voice, though male, had the same loving, joyous-full, all-knowing tone the angel being had during my rock injury NDE, although at that time I thought the rock injury angel was female. But I’m not sure why. Possibly the beauty of it, but I can’t be sure.

Now I want to tell of another near-death experience in my early teens. I would sometimes experiment by taking my father’s pills, usually a Librium, which they gave to alcoholics then. On this occasion I saw a small glass vial that said, “Place under tongue...” and some other words I didn’t read. So, I picked up the tiny pill and put it above my bed.

One afternoon I thought it must be like the melatonin or poison ivy pill so I popped it in my mouth and the next thing I know, my heart is pounding so very hard very fast. I’m trying to will my heart to stop this. While feeling the massive pressure and pounding it’s going through, I’m asking for forgiveness with my every fiber of my being. I’m thinking, “I’m alone and I’m gonna die.” But, I see my father at my doorway and, unable to talk, I reach out my hand. He approaches close enough, and I pull his hand to my heart, knowing it will reveal the issue.

At that moment I evaporate into the ground through my bed and the floor of the house into a very dark tunnel where I am speeding downward into darkness. I am on a black clear object, as contradictory as this seems, and I scramble to get off it as it rushes downward with me on it. As I scramble to get off, I am aware of other presences around the surface I’m on. The other beings scared me, and there was no fighting what was happening, so I go back to laying in the middle of the object.

At that point I’m dead and I know it, and soon it slows like an elevator slowly stops and arrives at the edge of a black deep cavern. I see way across to a golden throne with a red robe or cloth throw draped across the left arm. To the right of that, several feet away, there is a golden-looking box with a couple of gears you might see in a wind-up jewelry box. This image is lit in an area way off, surrounded in darkness.

I’m in a sitting up position and somehow know to turn awkwardly to my right and there I see massive, intricate metal doors. By massive I mean incredibly massive. I was shocked and amazed and wondering who could have built such massive doors that worlds could fit in.

I studied them and as I studied, I was aware of something coming for me but I knew that I had time, so I continued really studying the doors. If you’ve ever seen a metal tack for furniture that has the tortoiseshell appearance, these massive doors had hammered metal and if you can imagine, even a hammer mark on this door was the size worlds could fit inside. So, I was in total awe of who was capable of creating this. Was it God? I didn’t think it looked like heaven’s doors, but thought I was looking at the most massive furnace doors.

Now as I sit, I feel parts of my life drip from my spirit body like water. It was like the stories of my life fall away through the surface I’m sitting on until the last drip. I knew I was going to hell and knew I deserved to go, but as the last portion fell away, there was what I like to call a small “belief-in-God stone.” I’m saying stone for lack of wording but there was a belief in God that did not fall through the surface, and as I was revealed that, a group of beings similar to the grey alien came up out of the black cavern. And I thoroughly knew I deserved hell and even said so, saying, “Come, Lord Jesus.”

Something in me said, “Pray.” The aliens had large, empty black eyes. I saw beyond their eyes into emptiness that went on forever, like if it were possible to step in to that eye, it would be a dark very vast empty place, void of anything. The largest being of the group of four or five threw his hand into my soul and was trying to capture or scare or hurt me. I felt electrical charge run through my soul’s lower right side. The being’s hands were emitting some sort of rough electrical shocking charge, but as fast as this is shocking me, I begin the Lord’s Prayer. When I was provoked to pray the Lord’s Prayer, I knew I had to do it NOW because there is an alien demon’s hand in my side.

A dim light appears either from me or behind me, and as that light appears, these creatures turn and flee, and I mean flee fast. My praying the Lord’s Prayer and light appearing and their running all happened within seconds. I prayed bolder and louder. As I saw them flee, I knew it made them flee from me somehow.  As I saw them flee, at that same time, I was pulled back up into my bed where I opened my eyes to my father praying, saying he was too terrified to move me to even get help.

Man, oh man, I was so exhausted when I opened my eyes and saw my father, like zero strength left in me. I was always strong as a horse back then but at that moment I was in shock from the experience. I was grateful and eager to hide my face and cry over what I had been through and drift into true sleep because of the weakness of my body when I returned. I needed rest.

The prayer and the light were somehow a substance they found deadly or possibly worse than death, if there is such a thing. I can’t say enough how fast they turned and fled. A few days after the experience, I looked at the bottle and it was a nitroglycerin pill for a 300 lb. man with an instruction to place under the tongue.

The reason I even tell about any of my past is on the off chance it may help someone. There is a God that loves us and a World awaits us!!!!!!!!!! 

I would like tell of my husband’s NDE as well. Bob was born July 29, 1926 and I was born October 29, 1960. When he was a day away from passing, he told me he saw something golden on his bedside table that reached way up and that I couldn’t see it but it was there. I easily said, “I believe you.” Bob also mentioned a puppy in his room running in and out and a presence in the bathroom. I assured him I believed him. He told me he had the “big talk” with God, and when I looked in his eyes, they sparkled like a happy little boy playing. He appeared innocent (lol if you knew Bob) but I somehow knew he was an innocent man just by looking in his eyes at that moment.

The night before or possibly a day or so before my husband passed, he had me alone and said, “Janet, I fell out of my body last night and couldn’t get back in my room.” He said he was able to crawl around on the door (he said after he was going around the knob, he realized this wouldn’t get him in his room) and walk in the hall and was very confused for a while. To get back into the shell of his body, he made diving and swim motions with his arms. As he spoke of this, I was immediately assuring him that it was a true experience and went about giving Bob his puzzle book and office work he wanted to work on.

I was going on my birthday to shave him and thought I’d call him first. He answered shakenly. I said, “I love you, Bob.” He said, “I luv yuoooo,” and a nurse came on and asked, “Does he normally have a hand issue? I’ll call you right back.” She called me right back saying he passed after his “I love yuoooo” comment. He died on my birthday, so October 29, 2016 somehow became a stamp inside my being of the love he had at the end for God, family, life, me and this confusing world we live in.

I mention his experience because it was my experience as well, and it left me with a knowing that his and my meeting was a meant-to-be kind of thing. The first day I saw Bob, a knowledge was given to me that I would marry him. I had just left a horrible marriage and he was much older, and all I kept thinking while peeking at him, not letting him see me look at him was, “Why????????? Would I be marrying him????????” Well, we married and had the best twenty years of my life!!!!  So, I honestly am telling whoever this may reach with a very assured feeling that his and my life were pre-ordained somewhere beyond this world, but I get confused still of the why.

I only get tiny slices of a massive 3D pie, so from earth vantage we may be buried under many layers of what I would call blindness, until a brief moment of light and suddenly truth beams on us. Then we are able to understand we are right where we are supposed to be and everything is going as planned. An all-is-well kind of knowing brushes over my thoughts.

Both my experiences were good. I summarize my near-death experiences this way: you go to a place where you know who you are, then you come back to a place where nobody knows who you are, so it doesn’t work out. So, you’ve got to ride it out, baby!

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Man who drowned as teen and was pulled out seeks answers later in life

When I was around fourteen years old, I went fishing with my older brother and his friend. We took a small boat out on to a river. The river waters were extremely high and fast-moving as it had been raining for two weeks straight. As soon as we launched the boat from the shoreline it immediately capsized. As I went over into the water, I was able to grab onto a seat cushion that fell into the water. It happened so fast as the water was pulling me down underneath rapidly. The seat cushion which was supposed to also serve as a flotation device was useless as I was clutching on to it. 

I was looking up as I was being pulled down and I could see the top of the water and a very small what appeared to be a hole of light from above getting smaller and smaller as I was being pulled down so fast I couldn't seem to move at all, just being pulled under. Two thoughts came to mind, as I was being pulled down - the seat cushion was not helping to save me, it was getting sucked down regardless, and I remember saying to myself in my mind - "I can't believe I am going to die like this, I'm only 14." At that point, everything went dark.

The next thing I can remember is looking up and seeing the overcast sky, I was soaking wet, lying on my back. My vision was not very clear, foggy like, confused, where was I, what was happening. As I was coming to my senses, I could hear my brother calling my name off in the distance. I called out to him. All I remember next was saying to him - (his first name) "You saved my life, thank you for saving my life and pulling me out of the water." He replied - "I didn't pull you out of the water, we've been running up and down the shoreline looking for you." We've had people looking for you for some time.

When he pulled me up from the ground, I turned to look at where I was. I had been lying in the branches of a large birch tree that was lying partially in the water’s edge downstream from where the boat capsized. We got in the car, didn't talk much. When I got home, I remember telling my Mom that (brother's first name) had saved me from drowning. 

My brother to this day doesn't know what happened and he insists that he did not pull me out. He found me lying on the tree. The incident seemed to have gone into the background of my life in the early years of my life. At times the memory would come up, I would struggle to make sense of it and then it would disappear again for years. In my later years, as a parent, I've struggled to fill in the missing pieces which were causing restlessness for answers, loss of sleep, questioning life.

Something seemed to have brought the incident to the forefront of my thoughts several years ago and it was difficult for me, replaying it out in my mind daily, what happened, how did I get out of the water - Who saved me? It's almost like I have a sense of someone having pulled me from the water. A hand reaching down into the water and pulling me out, telling me it was not your time.

The past year I've been getting more thoughts coming into my head that I was not following the course that I was supposed to. I was supposed to be helping people heal, overcome their challenges, fears, obstacles. Helping them find their path in life. Like I was given a second chance in life and now was the time to take care of business before it gets too late and I didn't accomplish what I was supposed to do. 

I've only recently told my children about my experience. I have actually come to peace with trying to find the missing time/events between going under and awakening. I've been in many sessions of searching and during one, a voice or thought clearly said to me - "You don't need to know the answer right now, it's not the time. Just know that you are here." 

Woman, abused as infant, has NDE after-effects

When I was approximately two years old, my father looked at me one day and decided he wanted to “be the first”. He raped me as an infant. Many years later, when he was beginning to show signs of dementia, someone spoke to him about how he should treat me. His response was, “She’s my daughter and I’ll do what I want with her,” and then proceeded to tell the above story (in more graphic detail). This came back to me more than a year after that conversation, and after he had passed.

I have no conscious memory of that event from my infancy. However, I have known since my 20s that something of that nature had happened to me. I knew it because my emotional and physical responses in certain situations were classic sexual-abuse-victim reactions. I knew it because of “cellular memory”: my body knew, even though my mind didn’t. I spent many years in therapy, reading, and self-evolutionary work, trying to figure it out, trying to remember what happened to me. It wasn’t until my father’s late-life “brag” (that was his point, to demonstrate his “rights”) was relayed to me that I finally had an answer. I was then in my 50s. But I still have no conscious memory of the event.

When I started attending the Tucson IANDS presentations, I was fascinated. To know what was on the other side, to hear others’ personal accounts, was at once uplifting and reassuring, intellectually engaging and emotionally supportive. I joined IANDS, and was further delighted to start receiving their “Monthly NDE” reports. Recently I came across a couple of them that really caught my attention.

One talked about NDEs in children, written by P.M.H. Atwater. She spoke of how “children compensate”. Rather than deal with their experience, they adjust other things around it; that even into mature years, the puzzle is often not solved. They “begin abstracting (dealing with broad conceptual ideas), are smarter than their parents, school teachers, friends”. “They forever miss HOME, the greater collective they know is real.” She says 90% are unable to bond with their parents. She continues: “Typical characteristics afterward: heightened senses, vivid imagination, intellectual curiosity and drive, psychic/intuitive, loneliness, higher I.Q., deep capacity to care, great potential for an ethical path, aware of future moments, strongly independent even if shy, nonlinear development. The younger the child, the greater the jump in I.Q., [and] the ability to abstract.” They are “doers with good ideas, inventions, and the energy to get jobs done”. They have a heightened consciousness, and a tendency to nerve-stomach-skin sensitivity.

These things all represent aspects of myself. I never felt particularly close to any of my family. (I’m not even sure what “bonding” with a parent might actually be.) I never thought I was smarter than average, until I had more experience with a broader range of people – and then it became clear to me: my comments were often over the heads of other people. My thoughts and ideas were often complex and fairly advanced in logic and principle, and went unnoticed (at best) or ridiculed (at worst). I am very resourceful and can often come up with unique ways to deal with a problem or situation. I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) as defined by Dr. Elaine Aron. I am intuitive and perceptive of people’s emotions and intentions. I can often “see” likely outcomes of present actions. I can often tell when someone is lying. I have a strong sense of history and how it connects everything, as well as my own participation in many time periods. I have had several Spiritually Transformative Experiences (STEs), mostly regarding my own past lives. And I have an awareness of a broader future for humanity and the planet.

A different Monthly NDE mentions the writer’s “excruciatingly painful awareness”, a “feeling of desolate isolation from my real existence”. I have always felt a deep, profound, and painful sadness, just from living on the physical plane, never feeling a part of this place, never feeling “at home”. I know things about how this life works that most other people don’t seem to be aware of, things in terms of personal interactions, repercussions, and energetic flow. At least, sometimes.

Other times I am clueless as to social norms and acceptable behaviors, or what some enigmatic comment is supposed to convey. And yet I was never able to utilize my sensitivities for anything other than personal evolution. It did not help me find jobs or friends, I never felt “successful”, either monetarily or socially. I have never had sufficient certainty of my ideas to help others by way of predictions or information regarding their own lives. All I can do is give my own thoughts and impressions as suggestions, and if they accept what I say, it may help them to understand their circumstances or make their own choices. Often, however, they do not. I sometimes feel like Cassandra of Greek mythology, cursed to give true prophecies which nobody ever believes.

In this second Monthly NDE, the writer says she has no memory of the experience, she simply “knew” that she had been on another plane of existence, and had been forced or somehow persuaded to return to her physical body. This really woke me up. “Having no memory of the experience” is the same way I describe my own sexual assault: I have no conscious memory of it, yet I “know” it happened. This led me to what felt like a revolutionary concept: perhaps I had, as a result of rape at a very early age, left my body and experienced an NDE. For reasons at which I can only guess, my memory of the physical event and my retreat out of my body – and whatever happened on the other side – had been erased. I would guess that this was done to protect me and help me survive.

The emotional pain, shyness, reluctance to socialize, constant anxiety, and fear for my protection and future have been with me as long as I can remember. I have always known that I had to take care of myself, I could rely on nobody else for my physical, mental, or emotional wellbeing. Over the course of more than 60 years, that intuition has been borne out, and continues to be true.

I have always had a deep need and respect for the truth, beyond what most others would act on, even to my own detriment in terms of money or personal cost. If you don’t have truth, I felt, you don’t have anything. My mother’s description of me, as told to the mother of a friend of mine, was “very independent”.

Despite crippling shyness, I was compelled to utilize my musical talents in singing and acting. I have a number of stomach/digestive issues, and I am physically very sensitive. (I.e., things that are very painful to me would go unnoticed by many.) I have always tried to help others, though my efforts were often misunderstood. I feel a visceral pain at cruelty or subjugation of any kind, to anyone, whether I know them or not. I have always championed the underdog in most any situation or society at large, including (especially!) the animal kingdom.

My empathic abilities seem to be very sharp, yet indistinct. I can be overwhelmed by feelings that often make no sense to me, if I happen to notice. More often, I get totally lost in the emotion and react to that, and I don’t notice that it likely comes from people or circumstances around me. This is complicated by my own, often very strong, emotions. It took me decades to realize this was happening, and I am still learning how to differentiate and identify sources (me or not-me).

I describe this laundry list of “after-effects” as the only evidence of my NDE. It may seem like I’m jumping to conclusions, but that is the nebulous nature of my attributes and abilities. I have only my intuition to go on. It may sound self-absorbed, yet that seems to be my purpose here in this lifetime. My constant goal throughout my life has been to improve myself as a human being and increase my spiritual awareness. Everything else was secondary. (I was once told by a numerologist that I was hoping to make this my last incarnation.) For the most part, the only real achievements I have made during my life have been in introspection, self-realization, and personal evolution. And perhaps those are no small achievements. So, make of it what you will. If my story helps anyone else in their own journey, that will be a whole new kind of success for me.

Greeted by vibrantly-colored spirit guides and guardian angels

I was involved in a horrific three-car motor vehicle accident on Sunday, March 8th, 2020. Doctors told me that I am fortunate to be alive and that most people involved in a head-on collision such as mine don’t survive it. 

I am writing to you in part to process what I experienced during my accident and also try to find some answers or understanding about what happened to me. 

The accident occurred in front of my eldest daughter's home. I turned on my left-hand blinker, slowed down, and noticed a white car traveling extremely close behind me. I proceeded to slow down while going East on the residential street and felt the white car hit me from behind. That caused my car to spin out of control and forced me to go over the divider into oncoming traffic proceeding Westbound where I was hit again head-on. I lost consciousness after the second impact. When my daughter approached my car she mentioned that when she first saw me after the accident my eyes were a distinctive blue-white 'haze' and a type of milky color in my eyes. She saw me slumped over the steering wheel making a gurgling sound and not breathing.  

What I saw was myself being tossed back and forth in the car with a cloud of white smoke surrounding me, which I assume was the airbag deploying, but I was not connecting with the person in the driver's seat at the time. While I was observing myself in the car, I noticed the color of the t-shirt as the most brilliant magenta color and finally realized the person in the car was me, because I specifically wore that t-shirt for comfort and it’s one of my favorite t-shirts. As I was connecting that the person in the driver seat was me, at that moment I was literally out of my physical body. Next, I observed me slumped over the steering wheel and then I felt my body floating away from the inside of my car and I started rising above my car.

I had the most incredible feeling of oneness and joy and absolutely no pain at all. I can’t really describe it, but I could see everything around me, under me, above me and behind me. While I was fascinated with this concept and trying to understand what I was experiencing, I noticed there were five to six of what I believe were my guardian angels and spirit guides that were waiting for me within the most indescribable light surrounding them. The brilliant colors are hard to describe, but they were mostly orange hues with yellow streams of light behind them. The colors were so vibrant and gorgeous. It felt like they were waiting for me to attend a kind of celebration. While I was observing this amazing scene, I thought of my family and instantly with great force and speed I was sucked back into my body, gasping for air, and started feeling the most excruciating pain. 

After eight weeks of recovering, I have gained a new perspective on life. I can honestly say I feared death and the unknown before my accident, but due to my experience, I have lost the fear of death. I have a new sense of what my purpose is and my spirituality has strengthened. I also tended to be a bit shy and not speak up or express myself; however, I found my voice and now have the ability to express my feelings more often. I am a doula and I cherish serving babies and their families and yet again it’s given me an increased awareness to serve and love my family and friends more often. 

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