NDE Accounts

I was one with God consciousness

The birth of my third child was by emergency c-section. The overtone during the birth/surgery was one of hushed, quiet voices. Very little shared or explained. A general feeling of unease throughout. 

Once the birth/surgery was over I was reunited with my little one in the Maternity Ward. I was in a lot of pain as was to be expected and had what I thought to be an unusual amount of discomfort. I had had two previous c-sections and I knew that this felt different. I was assured all was well and that the healing was on track. 

I was allowed to go home two days later. I thought that if I got home, I would begin to feel better again. But what followed was ten days of subdued, quiet awareness. Like I wasn't quite myself but could not pinpoint what was wrong. Two more visits to the Midwife proved everything to be 'fine'. Even though my baby was losing weight and I had no milk. But none of these rang alarm bells for me or the medical staff, and my assertations of general unease were put down to my recent surgery. It was noted, however, that I had an extreme amount of bruising around the incision. The midwife made my doctor aware of this and was told to keep an eye on it and if I was concerned, then I should book an appointment.

The ten days blurred by. I was aware that my baby was incredibly patient and quiet. Rarely cried and slept most of the time. It didn't occur to me that I had no milk until perhaps the seventh day. Uncharacteristically, he began to wail. And it all began to make sense. That night we gave him milk from the fridge as it was all we had and he was soothed.

I had begun to bleed by this stage. Bright red drops. Light at first, nothing too alarming. I thought it odd, but my thoughts were not clear. Over the next three days, the bleeding became heavier until on the tenth day I could not keep up with the pad change. I called the doctor, still unconcerned. I made my appointment and sat down to feed my baby.

Not long after I sat down, I felt an overwhelming sense of something. A fullness perhaps. An eruption just about to begin. At that exact moment, my husband walked in the door. Home early to grab a bite to eat. I gave him the baby with an urgency that overcame me. I just knew I needed to get up.

And then the flood began. The blood streamed down my legs, warm and heavy. The flow was torrential. At some point, my husband had put the baby down and was now holding me. I was leaning against him crying and crying out. “What is happening??” I simply did not understand what I was seeing and feeling. I squeezed my legs tight together in an effort to stop the flow. To no avail.

And then suddenly I understood the absurdity of trying to control this. I realised there was nothing I could do that could change this and I had to simply go with it. I had the intense sensation that my whole life was bleeding away, and I was overcome with a sense of peace. Time and space slowed right down. I could see decisions and the choices being made. I took a long deep breath and saw the Universe shifting and expanding.

I knew then that I could make a choice to be terrified and panic. Or I could make a choice to surrender. Let go. Let go of my life. And I saw that there was, in fact, no choice. There was only one. Let go. And it felt like a complete letting go of my life.

My husband put me in the shower while he raced around getting things organised. In his panic, he forgot to turn on the hot water. I had a ridiculous thought that I was going to bleed to death in a freezing shower and I began to laugh! But then as I saw the blood in its constant stream, I slowly cried. Big heavy tears. Watching my life slip away has a very calming and grounding effect on me. And by this stage, nothing was stopping the blood. I shoved a towel between my legs to catch the flow. I noticed that there was blood all over the floor. Everywhere. And I felt that panic again. And then I breathed. That slowness. That higher part of myself stepped in. She knew exactly what to do and slowed everything down.

And everything stayed incredibly slow. My husband was talking too fast. Moving too fast. Driving too fast. More than once I asked him to slow down in a very calmed, measured voice. He looked at me like I was crazy. Arriving at the hospital was intense. Everyone around me was in emergency mode. I couldn't reconcile it with how I was feeling. Calm. Still. Quiet. I wanted to sleep.

I was later transferred to a larger hospital and thought it a bit of an overreaction with the lights, sirens and speed of the ambulance. The nurse and medic beside me continued to move with speed. 

Once at the hospital, I was prepped for surgery with cannula after cannula going into my arms and hands. Each new doctor asked what, when, how. And I think I explained it to them but I have little memory of this time. I felt I was talking too slowly and quietly for them to understand. I had several hours where I lost consciousness here. When I awoke it was to find they were flying me to a city hospital. I think this is the first time reality stepped in. I suddenly understood where I was and what was happening and I began to cry again.

The plane waited several more hours as I needed to be stable enough to make the flight. Eventually, late at night, I was wrapped in blankets waiting on the gurney in an open hanger to board the Flying Doctors plane. I was conscious again and I could see the stars all around me. And suddenly the distance between those stars and me was reduced to nothing. I was aware that I was the stars, the universe and consciousness. I found my Presence here. Under these stars. I saw everything as a whole and connected. And it was overwhelming and normal all at once. I felt such immense joy! I was part of this!

On the journey to the city, I felt completely supported and surrounded by what one could only call angelic beings. So were so close I felt I could touch them. I really wanted to be with them but the doctor kept gently shaking me awake. I smiled up at him each time. It was so peaceful in that semi-conscious state. Everything had a beautiful golden glow.

Just before surgery, I was waiting in a small room beside the operating theatre. The anesthetist was beside me. She said she would check if they were ready for me and left me alone. In those moments I started to cry again. Big, slow tears rolling down my face as I lay there. I was just so tired. So incredibly tired. Soul weary. I realised I didn't want to be kept awake anymore. I just wanted to sleep. And in sleeping, I knew I would be giving up my life. And I decided that it was the easiest decision I had ever made. I felt my body and mind begin to let go.

Then I saw a hand beside me. And a firm and cheery voice said to me, “Are you coming with us then? Or staying here?” And I knew what this meant. I knew I was leaving my body. I was shown briefly an apocalyptic scene and was given the understanding that this had been my life. A life lived in fear. Then I reached out for that hand and had a split-second of thinking about my family. I knew immediately that they would be ok. They had their own life. 

And then freedom. Immense and full. Understanding and knowing. I was pulled out of my body very fast. And then the music began. And fireworks. A celebration on every level. Choirs of angels and jubilation! I felt free. I was weightless. A beam of light. Flying, soaring through the bright sky. The light was immense and went in every direction. Blue, bright sky everywhere. I had those first few moments of reveling in that glory of freedom. And then I knew exactly where I needed to be.

I moved off in a specific direction. Soaring extremely fast through that space, the enormity and interconnectedness of everything was an all-consuming feeling. I was one with God Consciousness. I was still aware of myself as me, but the super-expanded version. The version that knew all and saw all.

I saw a structure hanging in the sky in the distance. This was where I was headed. It was circular in shape. I saw three over light beams also heading that way. I felt utter elation. I knew who they were and I was excited to meet them again.

I arrived at what was a vast Library. Greeting the others was like greeting friends and family, although none were from my previous life. These were more ancient than that. Cycling throughout time together. Some had not been incarnate for thousands of years. I was home with them. And we were so happy to see one another.

We talked and reminisced. We shared stories of my life. We discussed contracts and purpose. How did I feel about my life? And then I was handed a book. I flicked through and it looked empty. Every page was blank. And then I opened to a page with words. And when I saw those two words, I knew I was coming back to my life. I was going back. I was supported in this decision, asked again and again if that was what I wanted. I just knew if I didn't, I would be coming back again to do this. This life thing. Another birth. Another life. Another journey. And I knew that I may not get it again. “Self Worth” had been my nemesis many whole lifetimes. Thousands of them. A vast stream flashing by me. And I knew it. This was the one thing left to master.

Once I had made the decision, I moved out of the library space. I spent a moment with my 'family.' Knowing that I would see them again, I made my way out to the vastness. And I began to feel myself moving down 'levels.' The light was gradually less bright and I started to take on my physical form once again. My physical form began to manifest out of the atoms all around me. Vast groups of them joining together and layering over my body. I could feel them take their place all around my energetic body. They covered me and energised me. It was like putting on a beautiful cloak. And having it settle a warmth all over me. It was an incredible feeling that I can still feel today.

I touched down onto a road. It was wide and long. Long grass and flowers waving gently in the breeze on either side. I started to walk and as I walked, a house started to come into view. As I got closer, I could hear voices. Laughter, talking. Then I could see groups of people in a cottage garden. I walked in through the front gate and headed for the front door. I didn't feel like I knew any of these faces.

I stepped inside the house to subdued light. Like a soft orange and golden glow. I noticed that the room was full of small children, toddlers and infants. Outside it was all adults. These children were holding one another; there was support from elderly helpers, like grandparents. Some children were walking or being carried up some stairs over to one side. I joined them on the stairs and found I had my hands being held by some small children.

I could see at the top of the stairs an old couple hugging and whispering to the children and babies. When I got to the top, they hugged me and whispered words of love into my ears. The children were then taken to various doors to go through. I stood watching for a while. Uncertain that I wanted to be here. 

The Grandmother motioned to me. “Are you ready?” She asked. I shook my head. She asked me two more times before she said, “Come and help us.” So I took my place at the top of the stairs and whispered words of love into each child's ear...

After a while, she looked at me. A questioning look. I nodded and got up. I walked through a door. And inside was a mirror on the wall. The room was soft and glowing and dim. I walked up to the mirror and looked into my eyes. “Are you ready?” I asked. I wasn't sure I was, but I did it anyway.

Vroom. Sucked back into my body again. Waking up after surgery. My very first statement was, “I am here.” I had been intubated so my croaky voice did not carry very far. The midwife in my room said, “Oh you're awake!” and gave me some ice to suck.

I was back. In my body. In my life. Ready with my purpose.

I lost 4 litres of blood. I was transfused with 6 pints of blood and 15 pints of plasma. I had my uterine arteries cauterised and never was able to bring my milk supply back for my little one. I spent many weeks recovering in hospital and then had home care after. 

It has taken me six years and counting to rewrite my life. In many ways, I have been reborn. I lost many memories. Had a very dark night of the soul where I developed anxiety, depression and PTSD. Longed for that connection again and had many long nights contemplating how I could get back. After the initial euphoria, I lost all reality and ceased to function on a normal level.

But slowly, slowly, I began to access that peace and grace in waking life. I began to see the slowness and the vastness and the choice. I began to love myself. I was grounded, slow and thoughtful. My speech, my breath, the way I move, everything slowed down. Everything in my life changed.

Now I am helping others access that innate peace inside them. Through reality, acceptance, surrender and self-love. Connecting them to their past. Their lineage. And that knowing that we are not alone in this vastness. Always connected. Part of the whole. Part of the one consciousness. It all matters, yet nothing matters. 

I had a second OBE on my way home from the hospital. I lived 500 kms from the city hospital and my Mum offered to drive me and my baby home as I was not allowed to drive. We got about 60 kms from my hometown and I had an overwhelming urge to swap with my Mum and drive. She resisted this, but I insisted. Further up the road, a car pulled out in front of us. We were travelling at 110 kph when this happened. I had no time to brake, but only respond. In that split-second, I swerved around the car on the outside, onto the roadside. There just happened to be a small slipway there. I left my body and looked down at the car and my baby in the back. I saw his car seat swerve violently. I heard clearly, “Are you sure?” I have no doubt that my Mother could not have reacted quickly enough and had I not insisted I drive, it may have been a different outcome for us all. I am so incredibly grateful for my life. Although to this day my Mum can't speak about that drive.

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Man who drowned as teen and was pulled out seeks answers later in life

When I was around fourteen years old, I went fishing with my older brother and his friend. We took a small boat out on to a river. The river waters were extremely high and fast-moving as it had been raining for two weeks straight. As soon as we launched the boat from the shoreline it immediately capsized. As I went over into the water, I was able to grab onto a seat cushion that fell into the water. It happened so fast as the water was pulling me down underneath rapidly. The seat cushion which was supposed to also serve as a flotation device was useless as I was clutching on to it. 

I was looking up as I was being pulled down and I could see the top of the water and a very small what appeared to be a hole of light from above getting smaller and smaller as I was being pulled down so fast I couldn't seem to move at all, just being pulled under. Two thoughts came to mind, as I was being pulled down - the seat cushion was not helping to save me, it was getting sucked down regardless, and I remember saying to myself in my mind - "I can't believe I am going to die like this, I'm only 14." At that point, everything went dark.

The next thing I can remember is looking up and seeing the overcast sky, I was soaking wet, lying on my back. My vision was not very clear, foggy like, confused, where was I, what was happening. As I was coming to my senses, I could hear my brother calling my name off in the distance. I called out to him. All I remember next was saying to him - (his first name) "You saved my life, thank you for saving my life and pulling me out of the water." He replied - "I didn't pull you out of the water, we've been running up and down the shoreline looking for you." We've had people looking for you for some time.

When he pulled me up from the ground, I turned to look at where I was. I had been lying in the branches of a large birch tree that was lying partially in the water’s edge downstream from where the boat capsized. We got in the car, didn't talk much. When I got home, I remember telling my Mom that (brother's first name) had saved me from drowning. 

My brother to this day doesn't know what happened and he insists that he did not pull me out. He found me lying on the tree. The incident seemed to have gone into the background of my life in the early years of my life. At times the memory would come up, I would struggle to make sense of it and then it would disappear again for years. In my later years, as a parent, I've struggled to fill in the missing pieces which were causing restlessness for answers, loss of sleep, questioning life.

Something seemed to have brought the incident to the forefront of my thoughts several years ago and it was difficult for me, replaying it out in my mind daily, what happened, how did I get out of the water - Who saved me? It's almost like I have a sense of someone having pulled me from the water. A hand reaching down into the water and pulling me out, telling me it was not your time.

The past year I've been getting more thoughts coming into my head that I was not following the course that I was supposed to. I was supposed to be helping people heal, overcome their challenges, fears, obstacles. Helping them find their path in life. Like I was given a second chance in life and now was the time to take care of business before it gets too late and I didn't accomplish what I was supposed to do. 

I've only recently told my children about my experience. I have actually come to peace with trying to find the missing time/events between going under and awakening. I've been in many sessions of searching and during one, a voice or thought clearly said to me - "You don't need to know the answer right now, it's not the time. Just know that you are here." 

Woman, abused as infant, has NDE after-effects

When I was approximately two years old, my father looked at me one day and decided he wanted to “be the first”. He raped me as an infant. Many years later, when he was beginning to show signs of dementia, someone spoke to him about how he should treat me. His response was, “She’s my daughter and I’ll do what I want with her,” and then proceeded to tell the above story (in more graphic detail). This came back to me more than a year after that conversation, and after he had passed.

I have no conscious memory of that event from my infancy. However, I have known since my 20s that something of that nature had happened to me. I knew it because my emotional and physical responses in certain situations were classic sexual-abuse-victim reactions. I knew it because of “cellular memory”: my body knew, even though my mind didn’t. I spent many years in therapy, reading, and self-evolutionary work, trying to figure it out, trying to remember what happened to me. It wasn’t until my father’s late-life “brag” (that was his point, to demonstrate his “rights”) was relayed to me that I finally had an answer. I was then in my 50s. But I still have no conscious memory of the event.

When I started attending the Tucson IANDS presentations, I was fascinated. To know what was on the other side, to hear others’ personal accounts, was at once uplifting and reassuring, intellectually engaging and emotionally supportive. I joined IANDS, and was further delighted to start receiving their “Monthly NDE” reports. Recently I came across a couple of them that really caught my attention.

One talked about NDEs in children, written by P.M.H. Atwater. She spoke of how “children compensate”. Rather than deal with their experience, they adjust other things around it; that even into mature years, the puzzle is often not solved. They “begin abstracting (dealing with broad conceptual ideas), are smarter than their parents, school teachers, friends”. “They forever miss HOME, the greater collective they know is real.” She says 90% are unable to bond with their parents. She continues: “Typical characteristics afterward: heightened senses, vivid imagination, intellectual curiosity and drive, psychic/intuitive, loneliness, higher I.Q., deep capacity to care, great potential for an ethical path, aware of future moments, strongly independent even if shy, nonlinear development. The younger the child, the greater the jump in I.Q., [and] the ability to abstract.” They are “doers with good ideas, inventions, and the energy to get jobs done”. They have a heightened consciousness, and a tendency to nerve-stomach-skin sensitivity.

These things all represent aspects of myself. I never felt particularly close to any of my family. (I’m not even sure what “bonding” with a parent might actually be.) I never thought I was smarter than average, until I had more experience with a broader range of people – and then it became clear to me: my comments were often over the heads of other people. My thoughts and ideas were often complex and fairly advanced in logic and principle, and went unnoticed (at best) or ridiculed (at worst). I am very resourceful and can often come up with unique ways to deal with a problem or situation. I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) as defined by Dr. Elaine Aron. I am intuitive and perceptive of people’s emotions and intentions. I can often “see” likely outcomes of present actions. I can often tell when someone is lying. I have a strong sense of history and how it connects everything, as well as my own participation in many time periods. I have had several Spiritually Transformative Experiences (STEs), mostly regarding my own past lives. And I have an awareness of a broader future for humanity and the planet.

A different Monthly NDE mentions the writer’s “excruciatingly painful awareness”, a “feeling of desolate isolation from my real existence”. I have always felt a deep, profound, and painful sadness, just from living on the physical plane, never feeling a part of this place, never feeling “at home”. I know things about how this life works that most other people don’t seem to be aware of, things in terms of personal interactions, repercussions, and energetic flow. At least, sometimes.

Other times I am clueless as to social norms and acceptable behaviors, or what some enigmatic comment is supposed to convey. And yet I was never able to utilize my sensitivities for anything other than personal evolution. It did not help me find jobs or friends, I never felt “successful”, either monetarily or socially. I have never had sufficient certainty of my ideas to help others by way of predictions or information regarding their own lives. All I can do is give my own thoughts and impressions as suggestions, and if they accept what I say, it may help them to understand their circumstances or make their own choices. Often, however, they do not. I sometimes feel like Cassandra of Greek mythology, cursed to give true prophecies which nobody ever believes.

In this second Monthly NDE, the writer says she has no memory of the experience, she simply “knew” that she had been on another plane of existence, and had been forced or somehow persuaded to return to her physical body. This really woke me up. “Having no memory of the experience” is the same way I describe my own sexual assault: I have no conscious memory of it, yet I “know” it happened. This led me to what felt like a revolutionary concept: perhaps I had, as a result of rape at a very early age, left my body and experienced an NDE. For reasons at which I can only guess, my memory of the physical event and my retreat out of my body – and whatever happened on the other side – had been erased. I would guess that this was done to protect me and help me survive.

The emotional pain, shyness, reluctance to socialize, constant anxiety, and fear for my protection and future have been with me as long as I can remember. I have always known that I had to take care of myself, I could rely on nobody else for my physical, mental, or emotional wellbeing. Over the course of more than 60 years, that intuition has been borne out, and continues to be true.

I have always had a deep need and respect for the truth, beyond what most others would act on, even to my own detriment in terms of money or personal cost. If you don’t have truth, I felt, you don’t have anything. My mother’s description of me, as told to the mother of a friend of mine, was “very independent”.

Despite crippling shyness, I was compelled to utilize my musical talents in singing and acting. I have a number of stomach/digestive issues, and I am physically very sensitive. (I.e., things that are very painful to me would go unnoticed by many.) I have always tried to help others, though my efforts were often misunderstood. I feel a visceral pain at cruelty or subjugation of any kind, to anyone, whether I know them or not. I have always championed the underdog in most any situation or society at large, including (especially!) the animal kingdom.

My empathic abilities seem to be very sharp, yet indistinct. I can be overwhelmed by feelings that often make no sense to me, if I happen to notice. More often, I get totally lost in the emotion and react to that, and I don’t notice that it likely comes from people or circumstances around me. This is complicated by my own, often very strong, emotions. It took me decades to realize this was happening, and I am still learning how to differentiate and identify sources (me or not-me).

I describe this laundry list of “after-effects” as the only evidence of my NDE. It may seem like I’m jumping to conclusions, but that is the nebulous nature of my attributes and abilities. I have only my intuition to go on. It may sound self-absorbed, yet that seems to be my purpose here in this lifetime. My constant goal throughout my life has been to improve myself as a human being and increase my spiritual awareness. Everything else was secondary. (I was once told by a numerologist that I was hoping to make this my last incarnation.) For the most part, the only real achievements I have made during my life have been in introspection, self-realization, and personal evolution. And perhaps those are no small achievements. So, make of it what you will. If my story helps anyone else in their own journey, that will be a whole new kind of success for me.

Greeted by vibrantly-colored spirit guides and guardian angels

I was involved in a horrific three-car motor vehicle accident on Sunday, March 8th, 2020. Doctors told me that I am fortunate to be alive and that most people involved in a head-on collision such as mine don’t survive it. 

I am writing to you in part to process what I experienced during my accident and also try to find some answers or understanding about what happened to me. 

The accident occurred in front of my eldest daughter's home. I turned on my left-hand blinker, slowed down, and noticed a white car traveling extremely close behind me. I proceeded to slow down while going East on the residential street and felt the white car hit me from behind. That caused my car to spin out of control and forced me to go over the divider into oncoming traffic proceeding Westbound where I was hit again head-on. I lost consciousness after the second impact. When my daughter approached my car she mentioned that when she first saw me after the accident my eyes were a distinctive blue-white 'haze' and a type of milky color in my eyes. She saw me slumped over the steering wheel making a gurgling sound and not breathing.  

What I saw was myself being tossed back and forth in the car with a cloud of white smoke surrounding me, which I assume was the airbag deploying, but I was not connecting with the person in the driver's seat at the time. While I was observing myself in the car, I noticed the color of the t-shirt as the most brilliant magenta color and finally realized the person in the car was me, because I specifically wore that t-shirt for comfort and it’s one of my favorite t-shirts. As I was connecting that the person in the driver seat was me, at that moment I was literally out of my physical body. Next, I observed me slumped over the steering wheel and then I felt my body floating away from the inside of my car and I started rising above my car.

I had the most incredible feeling of oneness and joy and absolutely no pain at all. I can’t really describe it, but I could see everything around me, under me, above me and behind me. While I was fascinated with this concept and trying to understand what I was experiencing, I noticed there were five to six of what I believe were my guardian angels and spirit guides that were waiting for me within the most indescribable light surrounding them. The brilliant colors are hard to describe, but they were mostly orange hues with yellow streams of light behind them. The colors were so vibrant and gorgeous. It felt like they were waiting for me to attend a kind of celebration. While I was observing this amazing scene, I thought of my family and instantly with great force and speed I was sucked back into my body, gasping for air, and started feeling the most excruciating pain. 

After eight weeks of recovering, I have gained a new perspective on life. I can honestly say I feared death and the unknown before my accident, but due to my experience, I have lost the fear of death. I have a new sense of what my purpose is and my spirituality has strengthened. I also tended to be a bit shy and not speak up or express myself; however, I found my voice and now have the ability to express my feelings more often. I am a doula and I cherish serving babies and their families and yet again it’s given me an increased awareness to serve and love my family and friends more often. 

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