NDE Accounts

Man visits hell hole after dying of sepsis

My ex saved my life twice. 

Once, by purchasing a full-face motorcycle helmet a week before I schmucked a dump truck. That miscue exploded the helmet and took the skin off the back of my hands. The second, she forced me to the hospital when I woke burning up. My face was a different shade of pale/grey. Sometimes I wish she would of let me go back to sleep. Lol.

The military hospital shoved a tube up my ass to find out what was going on. The genius in training was a tad enthusiastic, he perforated my intestine and subsequently ran the tube through my liver. That was the second time that day I passed out.

They removed 2 feet of my intestine with no clear explanation as to why. I probably missed that part.

I thought I dodged this bullet until my abdomen blew up like a full-term pregnant woman. The doctor rushed in my room, pulled the staples and proceeded to rip open my partially healed gut with his hands. This decisive, brutal action probably saved my life. (Most doctors deserve every penny.) I saw pus fly 2 feet in the air before I passed out, again. 

Next thing I know I'm floating above the bed and could see myself lying there gutted as a deer with a brownish goo of pus and blood all over the nice white sheets.

An ethereal being with a no-nonsense countenance firmly grabbed my shoulder and proceeded to take me down a long rough-hewn vertical tunnel.  It stunk, was hot and the air was void of oxygen. The sounds of anguish and filthy dialogue are indescribable. We hit bottom and were standing in wiggling worms up to my ankles; the stench and heat, oh the stench.

My eyes adjusted in the blackness and there, what looked like something growing out of the side wall of the cave, was a pathetic, defeated-looking black angel. It must have been there a long time as the mineral deposits encased it almost to the elbows. Its arms were together as if it had been handcuffed. It slowly glanced up at us then looked away. I actually felt sorry for it.

Demons of every type were flying all around screaming obscenities and wailing. 

My tour guide raised his hand and things went quiet. I could get no air, as I was passing out. I figured I was toast. While going down I saw a shimmer of white on the cave floor and crawled to it. I laid on the cloth and immediately knew I would live. It was like a popsicle in the desert. I could feel the worms wiggling under the lifesaving barrier.

The entity grabbed me and took me out of the hell hole. I was back floating above and looking at my own dead self when, through no effort of my own, I reinhabited the vessel...My teeth were hot.

They tell me I was in hospital for 3 weeks, while I can only remember vague incident snippets from 2 days.   

I did receive my last rites. As a nun-beaten altar boy I have to believe it helped; couldn't hurt....lol. 

Sepsis is a beast. 

One week after being discharged, I had my first heart attack at the train station.

This party was just getting started. One year later, my gut was still oozing.

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Woman helps another cross over during NDE

When I was 36, having taken some new medication in addition to the anti-depressant medication I already took on a daily basis, I went to bed and went to sleep.

Whilst asleep, I understood that I existed as an entity, separate from my body and also separate from my surroundings, which were a kind of ‘nothingness.’ I felt that I was an entity made of energy, which I perceived as beams of light, and I had a profound sense of contentment.

I understood from someone else who was there, but like me existed without a physical body, that my role as a being of energy only (i.e., a role which I had when there) was to go to other planes of existence and help people cross (in 'spirit,' though that term wasn't used) to another plane. I felt that I would be helping them by doing this.

I was sent to another plane and passed through several different planes/realities to the person who I was to help. She was a Caucasian girl, likely of around high school age. I saw her from an angle above her, but not directly above her. She was sitting and talking to friends at a table. I was able to embrace her spirit and move it with me through the planes to the one I had been in previously. This appeared to take more effort than moving through the planes by myself had taken.

Throughout the entire experience, I continued to feel the sense of positivity/contentedness.

Upon my return to the initial plane, I was spoken to by someone else who was there. (I mentally termed them 'god' as that was the term I knew which was most closely related to what they were, but I was aware that they weren’t 'god' as defined by religion). I am not sure whether I heard them speak the words, but I understood from them that I could stay there and continue to experience what I had been experiencing (i.e., feeling the sense of contentedness and helping people pass between the planes) or I could return to my body. I understood that if I chose not to return, the part of me which existed on earth would die.

Upon considering the possible impact of my death I chose to return, due to the likely impact my death would have on my parents.

At that point I woke up, though I continued to feel the 'contented' feeling for some time, before making a conscious effort to awaken completely. I felt that I had been taking very shallow breaths and needed to breathe more deeply to wake up properly.

I felt like I had experienced an NDE and immediately started researching what had happened to me on the internet. I discovered that the new medication which I had been prescribed could react with the medication I was already on and could lower the heart rate. A medication interaction website indicated that taking the two medications together presented a risk of death and that it was inadvisable to take both medications at the same time. I did not do so going forward.

I also established that the anti-depression medication I had been on for some time can cause lucid dreams. I had experienced some vivid nightmares upon commencing use of the anti-depressant medication and this was a known side effect.

Although I hadn't previously experienced any vivid positive dreams, or any dreams which felt as though they were reality, I concluded that it was likely that I had experienced a kind of dream. At that point I was disappointed, as there was a clear explanation for my experience, and I considered it unlikely that any part of the experience was real. However, having mentioned my experience, in passing, to a doctor, the doctor suggested that the choice I was faced with, to die or wake up, may well have been genuine. (Accepting that other aspects of the NDA were likely a vivid dream, which I felt was likely to be as a consequence of the interactions of the medications I had taken.)

Although I feel that my experience in general was not ‘real’, i.e., I did not exist as a being of energy (which I have mentally termed a 'light being'), I think it likely that I was close to death that night and that if I had chosen that option, I would have died peacefully in my sleep that night as a consequence of the interaction of the medication I had taken.

I found that I was able to return to a feeling that was similar to, though not as strong as, the feeling of positivity I felt on that occasion, when I undertook some guided meditation.

It may not be of relevance, but I suffer from hypnagogia, so have some issues with sleep which could perhaps be connected to this incident.

Multiple NDEr shares about wars in heaven and on earth

I’ve had multiple NDEs in my life because of ongoing health issues. Many of my NDEs were narrated by an individual with a comforting voice. I seemed to know his voice, although I couldn't see him in the beginning. As time went on, I recognized him as my Father in Heaven.

I experienced my first NDE that occurred when my first son was born after I began to float off the surgical bed during an emergency c-section. My doctor later told me that I had gone into toxic shock from contracting the streptococcus B bacteria. My first NDE was rather quick and uneventful after I returned back into my body.

My second NDE was extremely life altering. I was in an airplane headed to San Antonio when an illness I had grew worse during the flight. I had a flu for 3-4 days leading up to the flight, was extremely dehydrated, hadn’t kept any water down for 24 hours and had just run between multiple terminals to make this flight. I felt a lot of pressure to make the flight despite being so ill because my abusive husband (that I was married to at the time) demanded that I meet up with him in San Antonio for a vacation he’d been planning on all year. He flew ahead of me with the kids so that I could finish visiting with family I hadn’t seen in a while, before I was to join him in TX. Shortly after I got onto the plane and sat in my chair, I knew I was in some kind of trouble. My body began to seize up and I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath. Then after the plane took off, I began to feel extremely intense pain shooting through my legs. It felt like hundreds of Charlie horses (insane cramps) were attacking my legs. I felt really dizzy and at one point I passed out.

But I soon realized that l left my body because I found myself looking down to see myself in the seat, while others around me thought I was just sleeping. But somehow I also began to see in many different directions all at once. I saw the aisles behind me and around the corner in the flight stewards’ prep area, all at the same time. I could see them making coffee, while I could simultaneously see the back of the airplane, while also being able to see many different angles of people on the plane, all in one glance.

Suddenly I was outside of the plane looking in, while also being able to see different angles from outside the plane all in one glance too. It was very still and silent outside. I couldn’t hear the jet engines. I felt no effects from the illness that just moments before paralyzed me with insane levels of pain. I matter of factly acknowledged that I was standing outside of the plane, without feeling any fear about the thought.

The next thing I knew I was back inside the plane, looking down on my body again. But then as quickly as I was there, I was back outside of the plane, although the atmosphere had changed. I found myself in the air, but this time I was standing over a large body of water. The water was a deeply blue, like a dark cobalt blue.

There was a wooden table in front of me with a book on it. I seemed to know what this book was; it was the Book of Life and I felt like my name was in it. Out of my peripheral vision I saw a white male figure off to the right of me standing on the other side of the table. Somehow I sensed that I should NOT look directly at him, because if I did I wouldn’t ever want to go back into my body. So I didn’t look directly at him. But I seemed to recognize him as the Savior of the World.

Off to the left of me I saw that there was a rocky desert island that bordered the water that I stood over. There was a man on the shore that was pacing back and forth, as if he was lost. I seemed to know him and felt like I had agreed to help him in this life somehow, although I was certain we hadn’t met…yet. I knew at that moment I needed to go back. I thought of my kids too and knew I needed to go back to be there for them.

But before it was all over, I was shown several symbols and objects. I didn’t know at the time what they all meant, but over the years I recognize them as ancient symbols of some kind, some of which have to do with music. Eventually I ended up back in my body again.

For weeks after this NDE, the veil was still very thin with me. I learned and saw things for the next two weeks that were amazing and beautiful. But then after two weeks the veil was closed back up again (after I prayed and asked God to take away all the things I was seeing). I told him that although it was all so very beautiful, I just didn’t feel that I was spiritually ready to see so much all at once. I felt that I was starting to lose touch with my reality. I know it may sound crazy, but I began to miss the normalcy I once had! I missed my normal mundane reality. I began to miss “not knowing things” before they happened. Knowing things ahead of time was absolutely thrilling for me in the beginning, but after 2 weeks of it (which felt more like 3 months), of knowing things before they would happen, having visions, dreams, intense premonitions and fast paced unexplainable experiences, I was starting to go crazy! I knew that I needed a rest from it all. It felt like my mind was starting to go into sensory overload! It was all so beautiful, but it was also too much for me to spiritually digest all at once.

During the 2 weeks where the veil was thin I was taught many things. I was given a basic history lesson about the true divinity and infinite worth of both God’s daughters and his sons. I was taught the personal responsibilities husbands and wives have to love and serve one another as true equals. I was shown the same responsibilities parents have to properly love, teach and nurture the children God entrusts them with, or they risk losing the ability to be parents in the next life. I believe God personalized all this for me because I was abused as a child by my step father, as well as by my first husband that I was married to at the time and I was deeply confused about the proper roles that men and women should have towards each other, as well as what Love truly looks and FEELS like.

Over the years, I rarely have shared the experiences I had with this particular NDE because my NDE is so different than everybody else’s I’ve ever read about. I never saw a glowing tunnel of light, never got the pleasure of running into my dead relatives (and oh how I would have loved to see my Grandma Helen again), and I never got the life review, although I did see my Savior once.

I experienced more NDEs over the years because of my constant health problems. During one NDE I was shown a vision of Delta Airlines flying in the air. At first it looked like an airplane, then it turned into a seagull and then it crashed (my husband worked at Delta Airlines at the time). I saw how the airline would go bankrupt. I was then shown that I would move back out West to the state of Utah (I lived in Georgia at the time and never planned on moving back out again). I also saw a tumble weed blow by, then I was shown an area around North Salt Lake and then another area around an exit off of I 80 in Tooele County, Utah. I also saw a baby girl. I was told that her name was Bell and was asked if I wanted her. I said that I did! I recorded all of these things on an online Yahoo group that I will go into more about a bit later.    

I found out my husband of 10 years had been cheating on me not too long after my NDE on the airplane. I ended up leaving him and I moved back out West with my 3 kids to be with my mother in Utah. Shortly after I arrived, I received a good-paying job offer to work in North Salt Lake. Shortly thereafter my now ex-husband told me he couldn’t pay child support because Delta Airlines furloughed him. The company was having financial problems…Delta never fully recovered after 911 and eventually had to file bankruptcy. A few years after moving to Utah, I met and married a man from Tooele County. Tooele is a desert community next to the Great Salt Lake, a lake that contains several desert outcropped islands and looks so much like the one in my NDE. We welcomed a baby girl into our new family less than a year later. My doctors had told me I would never be able to conceive again because the medical condition I had adversely affected my reproductive organs. But despite the odds, my last little caboose came into our family rather unexpectedly in miraculous ways.

After I moved back out West, I struggled with a debilitating blood disease that affected the iron in my bone marrow. I had serious side effects from the blood disease, one of which caused my heart to fail a few times. I also battled liver disease, which I believe was caused by all the toxic, heavy medications my doctors put me on over the years. I was in the hospital off and on over the years and I experienced several more NDEs during this time. Each time I had another NDE, the veil began to get thinner and thinner again. Somehow it wasn’t as overwhelming this time around, with respect to the veil getting thinner.

During these NDEs I was either brought to a remembrance of former things or taught about the pre-existence (pre-earth life) in explicit detail. I was taught who I was before I came to Earth, my role in the pre-existence; the specific events that led up to a great war that I was told took place in Heaven. Being a Christian, I recognized the story about the War in Heaven from the Bible. But the war I was shown in my NDEs was much different than the one I previously learned about.

I was also shown how the War in Heaven was infinitely linked to our temporal experiences here on Earth. I saw how the War in Heaven affected future events on Earth, since all things are linked in eternal ways. I saw how loving family units were the foundation of Heaven. I saw how our Heavenly Father and Mother perfectly exemplified loving foundations in the home by teaching their children how to be eternally good brothers/sisters, husbands/wives and fathers/mothers. I saw that just as our Heavenly Parents are Eternal, families are eternal as well. After my last NDE the veil became so thin that I now dream a lot of dreams that I believe are meant to further teach and guide me about the things God sees fit for me to keep learning.

Like I said, a lot of what I learned in my NDEs was centered around the War in Heaven. I learned how the War in Heaven is linked to what scientists on Earth call the Big Bang Theory. I learned that all of the world wars and major historical events on Earth are not due to happenstance (not by chance occurrence). These historical events are meant to reflect many of the same wars and events that shook the heavens before this world was organized and created for our earthly experiences. This is why we see in the Bible that what happened in ancient Babylon is prophesied to happen in modern day Babylon again, and what happened to the ancient Jews will eventually happen again to the modern Jews in Israel in the end times etc.

I was told that these historic events and wars occur as wave-like events, 3 great waves in total, with many smaller waves in between. The original catastrophic event (Big Bang) unleashed lasting ripple effects that can be managed over by the Gods, but not changed, in that they still must occur on some level. They must surely happen, just as a rock thrown into a lake will make ripples and those ripples will surely spread out and affect the shoreline at some point.

The Big Bang sent ripples across the vast expanse of space, upon the world of worlds (as I call it), upon many galaxies and star systems that our greatest telescopes have never seen. The laws of cause and effect have already set these events into an unchangeable set of motions. Although God could not change the original event that set all these things in motion, God could replicate/recreate and manage over the environment of the future battlefields that those same waves would later effect as the waves moved through the vast expanse of time and space.

I was told that God purposely altered space by folding parts of it into varying dimensions or by creating curves/wrinkles in some spots in order to control the waves more fully (especially with respect to how fast and where they move) in an effort to lessen the effects.

I was shown that it was Satan who caused the BIG Bang to occur. I saw how Satan was a highly progressed angel that God himself trusted and endowed with great powers at one time. I saw how Satan began to use God’s own powers against him in order to do secret works of darkness. God had many enemies, but his enemies could not match up or compete against God’s eternal power. This is precisely why Satan was the only entity who actually succeeded in attacking the Kingdom of God, because he used GOD’S own power (power that God gave to him) against GOD to hide his evil deeds. Satan even enlisted other entities from other worlds to help to do his secret works.

Satan did not rebel against God all of the sudden out of nowhere, like some believe. He did so a little at a time over a space of years. But Satan eventually began to thirst for more and more power along the broken way. Eventually some of his sins even led to unspeakable sexual sins against God’s children. He was able to hide his sins (while still residing in Heaven) by using some of the powers God had entrusted him with to hide his offenses. Before being discovered/his great fall, Satan was known as the Angel of Music, a highly progressed son of God who burnt holy incense and played fine instruments before all of Heaven. But his sins eventually became too great to fully hide.

When Satan’s sins were finally discovered, they were so egregious in the sight of God that God did what any loving Father would do in that horrific moment. He declared war on his fallen son after discovering the unspeakable sins that Satan committed against his other children. It was Satan, and those that he talked into following him, that fought back in that moment against God in the Great War that broke out in Heaven; a war that Michael and his Angles fought back against in our premortal history.      

I was shown that there were 3 great wars that took place in Heaven during 3 separate wave events, with smaller wars in between. On a few occasions these wars spilt over into our Earth realm, which can partly explain the increase in people witnessing mysterious explosions, strange lights, crafts or falling objects from the sky, objects that don’t appear to be commercial or military crafts in our skies.

In our Earth’s historic past, we experienced World War I and II, while World War III is thought to be soon upon us. Like I said, our Father created these historical events in order to recreate the original wave…to align the two waves together for reasons I don’t claim to fully understand, but have been told is necessary to lessen the final wave’s effects. God does this to not only lessen the effects of the next incoming wave as the two waves merge into one, but to also test mankind, as well as protect and preserve his eternal children.

But it is most importantly done to reconstruct the past, since Satan hid many of the events that led up to the Big Bang from Gods view. You see, by the time God discovered what Satan was doing, the Big Bang Event was already unleashed. So, by reconstructing the past, God can likewise reconstruct the hidden events that led up to the Big Bang…much in the same way a detective tries to recreate a crime scene in order to understand the full story. But God would not recreate such things in Heaven, lest the sacred nature of Heaven be forever altered. So, a terrestrial Earth-like environment was needed to not only test the souls of mankind, but one that could help us to precisely unravel our premortal past. This would allow God to restore all things anew to their former states of order and appropriate degrees of glory. This great restoration of all things is meant to heal/unite the children of God and provide for a new Heaven that is no longer corrupted by Satan’s reach. In this respect it became necessary for our Father to manage over the environments on both sides of the veil (on Heaven and Earth) as the last and most destructive wave was set to come on through…in our day and time.

The plan that God created for his children to come down to Earth to live mortal lives was not created casually. There was great care and planning that went into it all. The final plan was universally accepted by most of his children in the premortal counsels of Heaven, except for the spirits that rebelled and sympathized with Satan. Gods plan for our Salvation included coming to Earth, receiving a mortal body, being tested to see who we chose to follow as our father, God or Satan...as well as allowing all such events to coincide with the last incoming wave that was expected.

I know this may sound strange, but I’ve also come to look upon my Heavenly Father after all my NDE experiences as my actual Father, the way a person would look at their Earthly Father, because I was brought to a remembrance of him during my NDE’s. I literally have memories of my Heavenly Father and my Heavenly Mother raising me in Heaven. I have premortal childhood memories that the deepest parts of my soul remember experiencing, similar to the way I remember my Earthly childhood memories. I have memories of playing and splashing in a small stream next to a meadow with my siblings near my home, of my Heavenly Mother teaching me how to play music and learning a lot about science, music and math from both of my parents. I was told that I agreed to give up the higher knowledge my parents taught me in the pre-existence in order to come to earth to gain earthy, temporal experiences that would help me to spiritually progress and grow infinitely in eternal ways.

I've seen more things, but don't know how to explain all the things I have seen and so I won’t. I feel that I need to more fully understand some of these things myself before I attempt to share them. I do know this…that great changes are about to happen to our Earth, both good and bad. These are the things that God has been showing to me. The intensity of the signs we’ve seen in the heavens like blood moons and increased solar events are in part God making his presence known to the world, as he is getting closer to aligning his world/his time back up with ours.

Most religions call this the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. I too believe this as well. Because of the great unrest and wars that broke out in our premortal heaven, a Savior was needed to pay the price for these great sins, one who fully understands all the pain and injustice that has ever been felt or experienced by anyone. Our savior will come again to the Earth as one who fully understands the pains and the wounds of the world, having experienced those pains first-hand himself in the Garden of Gethsemane. 

I’m not really sure why I’m sharing all this now. I’ve shared my story before many years ago, but left many things out the first time around. I shared many of my NDE experiences on a yahoo dream group forum many years ago. At the time I felt that many of my NDE’s, visions and dreams would never be believed, so I disguised them all as dreams and shared them on that dream forum group. It felt safer to share these personal things in a setting where nobody knew me. The forum comments are still published online to this day, although people rarely post to the site anymore. I shared dreams (many of which, not all, but many of which were actually NDEs or visions disguised as dreams) on that yahoo site that would later come true. I shared the one about how I would eventually move back to Utah, how I saw Delta Airlines go bankrupt, about seeing the area of North Salt Lake that I would later work at, how I was shown Tooele County and how I saw a baby girl that I would one day have. I think it was healing for me to tell my story somewhere and just put it out there, since I never had the courage to share my story with too many others.

 

 

Part 3: Lengthy NDE meets council, life review, return

The Council

I saw a group of several spirits seated at a round table. The table was made of the glowing wood and was perfect in every way. There was a spot at the table for me. The spirits around this table had the highest vibration I had seen so far with the exception of the master Jesus.

I looked at these beings and recognized them immediately and a chill surrounded me. I knew that these beings were serious in nature because of the energies that swept over me as I walked into the room. I don’t know where I recognized them from, but they all were familiar. They just looked at me. I knew I had been to that very room before and I knew that this place was a serious business room. These beings each had their own specialty. It was almost like they each had some aspect of me that they were responsible for and know everything about. I felt a deep sense of respect for them and even feared them because of their obvious status. I was very afraid of one of them more than the others. I remembered he was the one I dealt with concerning the Egypt thing.

All of a sudden, I saw my parents on Earth before I was born. I saw how them being together all came about and watched my brother and sister join them before me. I saw my parents’ positive and negative sides and evaluated them according to what I knew I needed to do on Gaia. The beings asked me how and why I picked these particular parents and asked me to tell them. They said I knew how and why I picked them and asked me to tell them why. I do not know where it came from but I did tell them how and why and they agreed with me. I picked them to help them on their paths as well as to achieve my learning. We needed each other. I agreed with their souls and the universe to help them and I did it before they even came to Gaia.

I saw my soul go to my mother and go inside of her. I traveled from this very place on a ray of light, all the way into my mother’s womb. I saw myself being born from an observer’s viewpoint as well as reliving the actual experience. I proceeded to see my entire life from the observer point of view as well as from the points of view of those my actions affected. I felt the feelings they felt that directly resulted from choices I made that affected them. I saw both the positive and the negative things I had done as they had truly happened; nothing of significance was left out or presented inaccurately.

I experienced the harshness of being born again. I experienced leaving what I felt to be heaven and the transit to Gaia. I saw myself as a helpless infant who needed his mother for everything. I experienced my father's love as well as his anger. I experienced my mother’s love, her fear, and her anger as they applied to my being with her.

I saw all of the good and bad events from my childhood years and re-experienced the choices I made then. I was able to see everything significant that happened from all angles including the perspectives of the humans my choices affected. I felt all of my emotions and the emotions of the souls I had hurt as well as loved. Much of what I saw was surprising to me because there were more sides to the events than I was aware of when I was living my life. As I watched I thought to myself, I never realized, or I never knew. From all of this I learned that it matters deeply what choices I make while I am on Gaia.

I learned just how powerful we humans are and how we can affect each other in positive and negative ways, whether we think we are doing it or not. It was amazing to see how my innocent choices had such a powerful effect on souls that I had no idea I was affecting. The experience was one that I will never forget. I experienced the whole spectrum of feelings of my life in a relatively short period of time as we humans see it. I saw these things without the filters I tend to activate when I am in physical form. You see, where I was, time didn't really exist. The veil that my ego places on my thought processes didn't exist either.

I could see how I became what I had become on Gaia and why I became that way. Everything I did in my life affected the evolution of the souls around me. I saw the reasons for all of my actions and understood why I did what I had done. There was a place for all of my positive and negative actions. There was no action that was necessarily wrong, but there were actions I took that didn't enhance positive growth in others.

It seemed that when I made choices that were purely for my own benefit, the resulting feelings of others were more likely to be of sadness, fear, or any other types of emotions that are less than loving and kind. I was both a victim and a beneficiary of every action I was shown, be it positive or negative. If the result of my actions from a global perspective were on the negative side, I was able to see the reasons for that and could see how I could have acted differently. From that, I learned what was not working to provide positive effect.

If I made choices that provided benefit to others without the expectation of a return from them, the resulting feelings were positive, loving, and kind. If the results of my choices were on the positive side, I would enjoy the feeling of them and know that if I continued to make similar choices, I would create more of that feeling. From that I learned what was working.

On the whole, this was not a fun experience for me to go through. I saw that many of my choices fostered negative effects. Actually, more were negative than positive. I didn't see how wonderful the review could have been if I had chosen to act to affect other souls positively most of the time.

One thing I wondered about was how the Council was able to show me my life. I guess they either monitored me, or my thought, word, and deed are written by me and stored someplace that they have access to.

The Reckoning

After my records finished playing, the beings in the room asked me questions about what I saw and how I felt about my life up to then. I knew that I had to provide an honest assessment – I could not lie. I hesitated when they asked me whether I affected others more positively than negatively. I thought about lying to them and saying I affected others more positively, but I concluded that would not be the best thing for me to do because it was simply not true and if I did, they would know anyway. I really liked where I was before the review started and really wanted to stay there. I had this idea that if I said “more positive”, I would actually have more of a chance at staying.

I knew those beings knew what I was thinking and I had to tell them that I felt that I could have done a better job on Gaia. I knew why I had come to Gaia to accomplish. I was supposed to be loving and kind and share that with others. I was well on my way to doing that but now I knew I wasn't finished, yet I didn’t want to leave the city and go back to Gaia. They agreed and told me that I still had many things to do and that I may want to go back and do them. I was told it was understood how difficult it would be for me but it was necessary for the universe for me to finish my path.

They said that it might be wise to go back and live my life how I had originally planned it. They said I had set lofty goals for my life on Gaia and the events in my life were achieving the goals I had set. They said that I originally came to Gaia to learn and share with others using the wisdom that I have accumulated over several lifetimes. They said that I am needed on Gaia to help souls bring themselves and Gaia back to harmony.

They said that I have great potential to affect other souls, to help them grow, and that Gaia is the best place to do that. I was told that the events I had experienced thus far were preparing me to make a large contribution to the universe and my actions were not to be considered personal attacks in any way.

I didn't want to accept that. I wanted to stay and I expressed that feeling. I told them I was tired and wanted to stay because life on Gaia is hard and unforgiving. I even told them I felt that my return would be dangerous for the universe because I was not advanced enough in my spiritual evolution. They said that was precisely why it would be in my best interest to go back to Gaia. They said I was more advanced than I was willing to accept credit for and that I was shorting myself through not being proud of myself and not using the wonderful tools and potential that I carry with me in my heart and soul.

They said that it was possible for me to stay in the city but I would need to finish my work on Gaia sooner or later. The type of work I am destined for can only be done on Gaia. I could stay if chose to but I would only be prolonging the completion of this phase of what I promised to do for this universe. They explained the fastest way to finish my work would be to go back to Gaia as soon as possible.

I was stunned to say the least. I became a bit angry as well. It was like I was given a present which was then promptly taken away. I resorted to bargaining with these beings but it was no use. I still didn't like the idea of living on Gaia and didn't really want to go back. These beings understood me but they remained firm. They would not bargain most likely because they were basing their advice on facts from my life review that calculated the same way every time and they were experts at it. I had a decision to make that was really the hardest decision I would ever make and I knew it.

I left the room with great reluctance. I was very sad that I couldn't remain in this great loving place. I was surprised that I could feel as well as choose sadness and anger here. Here I thought I was all done on Gaia and felt I was going to move on but I really was not quite ready yet. I was fearful of going back, especially because of the wisdom I was just given from this experience. I knew that Gaia could be a dangerous place for a soul. It is easy to backslide on Gaia. Temptations abound and choices are many. Choices are a great gift we have but they can be influenced so much by many things. If feelings from the heart are not followed, they can cause an overall negative effect on much more than anyone can possibly comprehend. Between what I had just learned and seeing my life over again, I respected the danger of staying as well as returning and felt my impending choice to be an extremely important one.

I met Bob outside. I told him what happened inside and he asked me what I was going to do. I told him I had to go back but I really didn't want to do that. I asked him if I could just stay with him and he told me the same things the beings inside told me. I told him that I had learned a great deal being with him and that I would be able to affect much if I were to stay with him and learned all that he could teach me. He told me to be patient. He agreed that I was accurate in what I said about learning so much from our interaction but I may want to weigh the decision in my heart before I decide.

I asked him if there was a way I could see ahead and use what I saw to assist me to decide. He said that was permissible. Bob told me some of what would happen to me if I chose to return to Gaia. These were future things that would happen in my life. He told me that my life hardship would continue for many more years. He said I would have money problems and problems finding and keeping a job. I was to share my story. He said I would have this experience with me always and that I would face obstacles along the way that would keep me from sharing what I have learned.

Bob said that eventually people would seek me out so that I might help them answer their own questions about spirit. He said I would be a healer of souls and that I would assist other healers in the completion of their paths. He said that I would marry and have several children. He explained the children I would create are extremely important to Gaia's future and part of my task is to nurture and protect them so that their paths would be more likely to be completed. My future children are part of my soul group. The group of us set goals that we were to help all of the individuals in the group. We planned it in the city of spirit together, then each of us came to Gaia at our appropriate time.

He said that my marriage would suffer and my family wouldn't be very happy until I learned my lessons on how to handle my energy in a positive way. He said once I learned to do that, I would then be evolved enough to begin to share my learning with many other souls.

I would be a big help in raising the energy of those souls as well. He said that it would be best if I shared this particular experience to all whom would choose to listen and believe and that I would learn yet more lessons from doing this. I was told that it would be a benefit to others for me to refrain from drugs and alcohol in order for me to exert more of my focus on serving others. Another reason I was given for refraining from substances was that if I used them my vibration would be limited greatly and I would also be prone to punishment from the authorities on Gaia. He said it was possible that I could lose my physical freedoms from being judged and thrown into jail for something related to this addiction. Bob also explained that I need to remain strong inside of myself and that the substances distort the feeling of confidence I would need to perform my tasks. Until I deemed myself worthy of my tasks, I would not be able to complete them.

Bob said that I would have some difficulty convincing myself as well as other humans that my experience was indeed real. He said I would eventually learn the best way and when to share the wisdom I was given and that I could only influence those who would choose to be influenced because it really is their decision. He told me that a friend of mine would die in a car accident. He said this friend would be drunk when this happened and I would contribute to this happening somehow. He explained to me that what I am to do in my future can be altered by me through the choices of which I am the master – my own choices. I asked him when I was to return to be with him again. I wanted to know how and when I would be finished on Gaia in a physical form.

Bob said that I would be back after I had touched enough other souls and could answer the group of beings’ questions such as whether I thought I had affected those souls more positively than negatively with an answer that came with confidence from me, and without hesitation. He said I would eventually learn to reach for my confidence within and affect others in a positive way in this life, provided that I choose to positively grow my soul. He said if I made the choices in my life that truly came from my heart, after I was finished with this life that I would move on to complete a yet higher purpose in a form just like his. Trips to Gaia would become optional for me then. Bob then showed me to a garden where I could sit to think over my choices and make my decision.

The Big Decision

I went into that beautiful garden to make my decision. It was very peaceful and serene there. I was alone and had this really important decision to make. I assessed my options. It was amazing to me that I still had the free will to make the "wrong" decision, at least one that went against my true feelings. I suppose that even in the afterlife, choices still need to be made and like all choices the difficulty of them depends on the level of the evolution of a soul.

I found myself thinking of the choices and feelings I knew were connected to the influences of all of my turns as a human. I thought about my role in the universe and the great gift of sight and feeling that I was given. I measured what the effect of a decision to stay, learn more, and then try again when I was ready would be. I thought of the vision I was given about the family I was to create as well the effect on other souls on Gaia should I return.

I thought of how wonderful Gaia is and how I saw firsthand what humans do to Gaia when they do not focus on being loving with kind actions and thoughts that come from their hearts. I thought of the special persons I was to create and what the effect would be to the universe and Gaia if I instead chose to stay in this wonderful place and take the long way to complete my tasks.

The longer I thought, the more I realized that much of my thinking was based on a sort of self-centeredness. I was mostly contemplating how the decision was serving me. I was still looking for an excuse to not go back to Gaia. I was amazed that after everything I was shown so freely and with such love, I still could stay if I chose, but my choice could adversely affect the planet that I had fallen in love with all over again. Since the effect of me choosing to stay would benefit me mostly, I realized that by choosing to stay, I would not be making the choice out of love for the universe or for the souls in it. It would be only me who benefited, not the universe.

I remembered that the being of light that guided me called me a master. I remembered the light of Master Jesus and what he told me. He didn't say for me to get as much I could by forgetting the feelings of other people. All he told me that was humans need to love one another. I thought about the service-oriented tone of my review and of the rest of my experience. I figured that to practice mastery, I would need to learn to be of service to others and to help others on their journeys in a manner that promotes harmony with all that is.

As I mulled over what I wanted to do, I realized what a master really is. It made sense to me to think that mastery is a level attained through growing one’s soul enough so that the feelings that a soul carries can be shared with other souls to provide a service to them. This helps provide them what they might need to attain mastery themselves. This certainly made more sense to me than a master being the lord of the manor whose servants are expected to bow down in front of him through fear or intimidation. I understood that if I were really to be the master my friendly being said I was, I would need to take into account the feelings of others when I act. It occurred to me that a master is someone who lives to serve, and serves to live. A master is not someone whose main focus is to rule over others and make them do his bidding for his or her own personal gain. Examining everything from that perspective helped me immensely to make my decision.

I decided to return to Gaia. After all, it was the least I could do after receiving the great gift I had been given. After all, time on Gaia isn't long compared to forever. I felt that because of the gift I received, I needed to make the service-oriented decision. After seeing what I saw and feeling what I felt, for me to choose to stay in the city would serve mostly me mostly, so I decided to return to Gaia to serve others.

I called for my sweet special being. He appeared to me very quickly and I told him of my decision. He was brimming with joy and told me he was proud of me and that he would help me when I needed help on Gaia. He told me that even a being of his level has his assigned tasks and that assisting me was one of his. He said that his advancement depended in part on how successful he was at influencing me to grow my soul. He told me that I had helped him very much through my decision. He said he always loved me and found it remarkable that he could possibly love me even more now! He told me that he looked forward to the future that I originally chose and am choosing yet again. He was so excited!

He asked me when I was to return. I responded that although I loved this great place I was in, I felt a strong urgency to return to Gaia as soon as possible to make the time I have to spend there go faster.

He then told me that one standard procedure for souls returning to Gaia was to drink water from the great river of life before they return. The water's purpose is to protect souls going back from knowing too much from their experience of the in between. The idea is for souls to experience Gaia in a natural way and evolve without potential distractions.

He said because I was chosen to carry my experience, I didn't have to drink the water before I came back. He said I could drink if I chose to though. That was up to me. I didn't drink from the river because I felt that if I did, the peacefulness I was feeling would wash away along with the memories. Nor did my being touch me on my lips to help me forget the things I could not share from my experience. The things I would forget would be those that if shared with the wrong people on Gaia would cause problems for them. I was to remember only the points I was shown that would be useful to me to complete this stage of my path and be effective in my service to others.

The being said that when I was ready, I could go back to Gaia and my purpose. Bob said I was to go back on my own. He said he would be in close contact with me and help guide me and protect me while it remained part of his purpose. I felt better about returning because I knew that my time on Gaia is minuscule in proportion to eternity. I knew that I would eventually return to that city later and that knowledge afforded me such great peace. I knew I would be OK if I went back to Gaia. I knew things would be hard for me but I felt that was OK because it was for the good of all, not just for my good. I remembered much wisdom that I didn't recall before the experience. I knew I would eventually be a great asset to the energies, to humans, to Gaia, and the universe.

After that I began my return trip to Gaia and to my hometown. I followed the trail left from the connection to my physical body to find my way. I remember seeing the water tower at the Detroit Zoo as I neared home. The tower was a symbol that showed me I was nearing the end my trip back. It was fun to see my great mother Gaia alone, and without my Gaia-body. I could see the auras on everything and the sun was beginning to rise. I thought about checking out more places on Gaia prior to reuniting with my body but decided against it because I knew that it could be dangerous for me. I didn't want to chance being affected by the dark souls that I knew exist on Gaia and I didn't wish to delay my current physical life any longer. I felt my purpose was too important to chance being led away from the path I was to tread. I knew that I needed to be careful and that it may be best to move on and do what I needed to do instead of fooling around and getting in trouble.

I stopped at my home and checked on my sleeping family. I saw their auras and everything. I could see that they needed compassion and love from me. I wanted to see them before I got back in my body out of curiosity. I gave them some of my energy because I knew they needed it. I think my energy was what they really wanted from me all of my life anyway. I felt I could give this energy to them freely and out of true love for them without letting them just take it from me. I realized that I really did love them and that they too are on the paths they need to be on and that I am a soul that is with them for good reason. I had learned much from them and they learned much from me. I realized that I had been withholding positive energy from them and that I needed to change that for the better.

After all, such as they were, they were still my family and are fellow souls just like me. I had been putting big conditions on my love for them and I knew that this was wrong. If I learned one thing from where I went, it was that true love is unconditional and placing conditions on it takes the true part away. If it were not for unconditional love, I would not have had the experience I had or learned what I learned!

I returned to my friend's house. Before I went inside, I took a moment to watch the sun rise. I have yet to experience another sunrise like that one. I could actually hear it rising and could see the energy coming toward the Earth. I felt this energy envelop my soul. That one sunrise inspired me greatly. I will never forget it. To me it symbolized a sort of rebirth and a promise for the future.

I felt that this dawning day was going to be very special because I had great wonders to share, work to do, and the energy to do both. I felt the sense of purpose that I had been searching for. I felt love in myself that I never really accepted or perhaps recognized before. I actually loved myself. I had allowed myself to become displaced from that feeling and it felt comforting to know that I could still feel that feeling of love for myself too. I felt peaceful and free and felt extremely confident I could make it here on Gaia. I could see this place with new eyes and with a new optimistic and positive outlook. I felt extremely blessed. I really looked forward to sharing what happened with the souls closest to me.

I went inside the house. I went inside easily because I thought myself inside. I had finally figured out that on Gaia I didn't need to touch things until I inhabited a body. I saw my friends sleeping in the family room of the house. There had to have been five or six teens passed out on the floor. I saw my body there, still lying in that chair just as I had left it. I didn't like to see it. After all the beauty I had seen, my body lying there without me inside it was not at all attractive to me. It seemed that without my soul my body had no purpose.

The “me” that was outside of my body was really the true me. I saw my body as merely the vehicle that the true “me” has to work with. I knew what would happen when I got back in my body and I didn't want to do it. I knew the freedom and the love the soul “me” felt would become lessened by the needed slowing of my vibration that enabled me to return to inhabit my body once again. I didn't wish to let the feelings I felt go away.

I did get back in my body though. I dare say that it was the hardest thing I have ever done. When I got back in, much of the love and peace I was feeling melted away. The freedom of movement was gone. I thought about going somewhere and couldn't go the same way I did without my body. I felt really heavy and slow. I awoke as soon as I rejoined my body and had much energy. I felt OK, except the energy I felt was not as intense as when I was out of my body. I remembered all of what happened to me and wanted to share my story right away while it was fresh in my mind.

The After

After I had settled into my body, I got up and woke my friends to tell them what happened to me. I started to tell them the part about going to a place and waking up in the very distant past or the future. They just laughed at me and told me that I just overdosed on drugs and had a bad trip. They said I was crazy and to “stop my crazy talk.” None of them understood what I was saying. They wouldn't listen and wanted no part of what I had to share whatsoever. I told them the being told me about mastery and my friend Jake said, “You are not MY master.”

The guys were all tired from a long night of partying and I had just woken them up at the crack of dawn, babbling about this place I went and what I am here to do. They said I just passed out in the chair all night because I overdosed on drugs and didn't go anywhere. They told me to just shut up about it. I told them that if the kind of trip I had was any indication, the drug I took could become very popular.

I readied myself to leave. I could not stay and continue to try to convince my friends of something they so obviously didn't want to think of considering, much less believing. Not even one of them seemed to want to know anything about what happened. I could see that the time was not right for what I had to share, at least for them.

I remember seeing my cigarettes on the bar and felt what was left of the bag of pot in my pocket. I rolled a joint for myself and had a cigarette as I rolled the joint. I made the decision to have a smoke and keep the pot because I figured I needed to use both of them to escape the all-too-familiar feeling of rejection once again. You see: I still had all of the problems here on Gaia that I had before the experience. I immediately felt that I still needed some sort of escape route, especially since I knew I was to have more of a tough life ahead of me.

I wondered how I could be of service to anyone if nobody was going to believe me. The initial reaction I received when I tried to share and the resulting loss of the feeling of peacefulness when I returned were key points in what I decided to do next. I decided that if my friends were not going to believe me and if the rest of my life was probably going to suck, I would just pretend the whole thing never happened. I regretted the decision I made to come back. For some reason I thought things would be magically different because I knew more about how the universe worked, but really it was me who was not ready to handle it. I needed to change. I felt the vibrations of my friends’ thoughts as soon as I got back and felt that those thoughts were by no means positive. I felt a sense of danger pending if I stayed around them.

I went home and tried to sleep but couldn't for a long time. When I slept, the spirit I was with came to me in a dream. I couldn't see him but I heard his voice. He told me to find a psychic so I could learn how to use abilities I have been given. He said I would be able to see the futures of others. Bob told me a friend of mine would be killed drunk, driving a car. I thought about that and decided I didn't want to know anything or be a psychic. My stereotype of the psychic was that they were all broke and would take what they could gain from me for themselves. I’d rather work in the factories sweeping the floor. I told the spirit to leave me alone. I didn't want anyone to know about the voice because back then they locked people up for hearing voices.

You see, I wasn't a light being anymore. I was little Davey Oakford, the human with the life and level of development I had before the experience. I had the same thought patterns, the same sicknesses, and the same problems that got me to where I was. My vibration was just too low or out of control. There was no middle. I was still just 19 years old. My serious problems still needed to be addressed. I just couldn't handle another problem, which is what the experience was beginning to be to me. I thought over what I experienced and listened to what my ego said about it. I worked on convincing myself that my friends were right. I was somewhat successful at it. I decided that if I was to be labeled as “crazy,” it might be best for me to forget the whole thing ever happened or use what happened to make things easier for me personally, if anything.

Because of how my friends reacted to what I had to share, I could not even think about telling my family about this. My friends understood me better than anyone really and if they thought I was crazy, I was very sure my family would have me committed. I didn't trust my family to believe me because I still carried every bit of the mistrust of them I had before the experience. I felt all I would do is create more hurt than help if I told them.

A few months later I did try to remind my one friend several times that he needed to be careful with his drinking and driving but he chose to not listen to me. He even laughed at me about it, and then promptly told me to shut up about it and stop the “crazy talk.” He didn’t listen. He died that summer in a car crash while driving drunk, as advertised. The incident affected me greatly, enough to the point I considered myself one really messed up guy. Maybe I was crazy...maybe I still am? I didn't remember my experience more when that happened but ended up becoming angry with myself. I knew it was going to happen but lacked the communication skills and confidence to get an important warning message heard. I failed him. The last thing I ever wanted to think of then was my experience but I couldn't stop because I knew now that it had to be real. My friend’s death and the circumstances surrounding it matched up.

I set out to continue my life. I knew that I would have employment problems and other problems so I set out to find work. The idea I had of my leaving the Detroit area fell by the wayside. I was very bitter about the whole deal. I set out to prove to the wonderful being that helped me as well as the entire group that showed me my life that they were wrong and I didn't need them or want them.

I still remembered what happened to me after I returned and one may think that after the experience that I would change my negative ways and focus on the positive. I did have good intent to do exactly that but chose to not do it for what I felt good reason.

You see: I came back here to Earth and immediately felt the negativity around where I was. It was the same negativity I was trying to get away from, and it was maybe even more of an influence than ever before. I let the negativity consume me once again because I didn't yet grow the skills necessary to avoid becoming influenced by it. It was very difficult for me to let go of my ego and the environmental influences around me to embrace something that really couldn't be substantially proven or otherwise be confirmed by another human.

I still didn't have the confidence within myself to take my feelings seriously, nor was I advanced enough to override the ego influences surrounding me. I also felt sad in my heart because I had gone to where I wanted to be, but chose to leave it all to help others that didn't seem to want my help.

I felt that there was nobody around with whom I could safely share what I was shown. I didn't feel safe writing this story afterward due to a fear in my heart that it would somehow be found and that I would be punished or disdained or called crazy for writing it or being told to shut up. I felt that I had these wonderful new clothes but no place or good reason to wear them. I felt lonelier than I felt before, more depressed than ever before, and I could see no avenue to express those feelings.

Today

Here I sit, decades later. Life for me came off the same way I understood it would. I did get married. I did have employment, money, and marriage problems and all of them happened the way they were supposed to happen, despite my attempts to change them to what I thought was my liking. This life has for certain been a growing experience for me. I eventually overcame my depression and grew the confidence to share this story, but it sure took a long time. During that time a lot of darkness occurred over my life's path. I do understand though that it has been time well spent, and I appreciate the hard trials I have had in my life. I feel I am stronger for having them and I accept them.

The universe has provided me with reminders of the experience over the years. I remember reading Betty J. Eadie’s “Embraced by the Light” in 1992. Reading her story provided me confirmation that what happened to me in 1979 was indeed for real and very special. It helped give me the confidence to tell my story to others then. It inspired me to begin to live my life according to the insights I learned from my experience. I appreciate Mrs. Eadie for sharing her experience and touching the many souls I know she has touched.

The next reminder the universe left for me was a book called “The Celestine Prophecy” by James Redfield. As soon as I began to read it, the metaphysical concepts presented in the book persuaded me to evaluate myself from the viewpoint of what I was doing with my energies. It even had information about auras and how they work. The book confirmed many of the insights my experience contained concerning the interaction of energies between humans. It prompted me to explore more in the metaphysical areas of bookstores. I discovered a host of published works that provided even more confirmation about other insights presented to me long ago. Eventually, the more I explored, the more I felt an urge to share my story with others. Eventually I began frequenting the AOL Metaphysics chat-rooms. From those humble beginnings, “Soul Bared” came about.

I see the worldwide web as an extremely valuable tool to learn about concepts metaphysical in nature and anything else one might care to learn about. Use Google, ask questions. I’m not a scholar of metaphysics by any means, but I do offer that the web does provide a wealth of information that rings true to me. It probably has much more information on spiritual matters that I can possibly learn in one life. Books are another way to learn more, as they always have been. It’s not a bad deal to go retro. I’m reasonably sure that what I have learned from the experience is most likely already recorded somewhere (in my soul record) and I take great delight when I see something I find that rings true to me.

I feel that my heart is fully capable of determining whether or not I should believe what I read. I also know that the universe will guide me to what I need to know, naturally, provided I make a conscious effort to follow my intuition and transmit and receive positive vibration.

I really dislike saying that I went on this wonderful trip and only brought back the simple message of loving one another, but I have to call it as I see it. I feel that one simple philosophy has great merit and is the master key to all that is. It really isn’t hard to do. I think about this world today and see the immense impact that even one seemingly tiny decision to send someone a kind thought or smile or deed can make. Everyone can smile.

If an incentive to be loving and kind to others is really needed, it is nice to know that each act of kindness is recorded and will eventually be re-experienced much later on. It doesn’t matter if the act is one that promotes a smile from one person to another or if it is one country helping another to live in harmony with the planet. To me, the concept is the same really and all of it counts the same. Sure, one can always decide to harness the opposite of being loving and kind due to free will and all, but the universe has rules regulating the outcome of that choice, rules which I feel make sense. One of the rules is that as positive as positive gets, negative reciprocates in kind. I see the justice in that principle and feel comfortable knowing that type of structure exists in the universe itself.

For me, the choice for either positive or negative is always present. I feel one of the greatest gifts given to humans is choice. The day I remembered that I do have a choice about what I wish to contribute to the planet and humanity was one of my favorite days in this particular lifetime on this planet! It signaled a new beginning of a shift in thought for me, one that focused on using my feelings with the intent of promoting positive vibration on the planet.

I have been reflecting on what happened to me and have been trying to make sense of it all. I feel that the main focus of the whole experience concerns how I interact with other humans and with Gaia. I learned in my experience that Gaia is a living, breathing being. We need to give her a break and stop ruining her. She has feelings. Because she is strong, she adjusts herself when she needs to and might just fight back. I know every thought and deed I choose affects her. If I am negative, the negativity manifests itself in her just as easily as it would if I subjected another human to the same negativity. I know positive thoughts and deeds work the same way.

I know I’m not perfect. I understand there will be times when I will contribute negative vibration to the universe in the course of my learning. I feel Jesus and any other of the great masters would be OK with it so long as I balance it with positive. I know they understand how all of my choices help my soul grow. The masters are smart.   A goal I strive to reach is to learn what I need to learn and make sure I clean up any messes I might make in the course of my growth and development. Hopefully, I will contribute more positive than negative, or at least try to travel the middle road.

I'm glad to have had the opportunity to place my story out in the open because I feel better about it now. It’s my hope that those who have read this story take with them something they can use in their lives, something that will inspire them to love one another and make positive vibration. We can do this. We have to.

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