In Dec of 2008 I went to my doctor for a check up because I had been feeling low energy and my periods had increased to almost three times a month. After running some tests, my doctor was shocked that I could even function, as my blood count was down to a level where most people needed dialysis. I knew my periods had been more frequent and extremely heavy, but I did not think anything of it. In reality, I had been slowly bleeding to death, and without immediate attention, I would require a blood transfusion every few days to survive. I tried to postpone surgery until after my daughter’s graduation from college, but my doctor convinced me I could not wait. She ordered an immediate hysterectomy.
My body had responded in a physical sense to all I had felt in my heart. With the death of my brother, mother, and marriage, at times I thought my heart would bleed. The womb is the heart of nurturing, and I had not experienced much nurturing throughout my life. All the emotional stress had taken its toll. I had to stop the bleeding and nurture my inner self, too. For quite some time I had been eating right, exercising and getting plenty of rest. Now I had to nurture my own spirit.
Following surgery, I could feel myself getting stronger by the day. Although I missed my daughter’s graduation, she was grateful to have more years with a healthy mother.
Months after my recovery from surgery, I was re-admitted to the hospital on an emergency basis, fighting severe pain and an infection. When I arrived, my doctor told me she did not know what was going on, but they would work until they found the source. I could see the look of concern on her face. I found myself slipping in and out of consciousness. I signed the forms needed to perform the necessary tests, saw my daughter, son and my boyfriend in the room, and then I lost consciousness. The pain became too much for my body, and it began to shut down. I could feel myself leaving, and in an instant the most beautiful Beings of Light surrounded me. The pain was gone. One stood out among the others and stayed close to me. I realized these were my Angels and I knew right away my physical condition was grave. We talked telepathically--- no words were needed. I heard the words in my mind. The Light I had seen with my mother at her death showered me with the most incredible amount of love in, through, and around me. It was more love than I had ever experienced, filling every cell of my body. It had a radiance like a warm fire on a cold winter’s day. I asked if my mom and brother were here and was told that they were. I could see them if I wanted, but I refused. Something inside me knew if I saw them I would not want to leave.
I had no awareness of my physical body. I could see they had me on oxygen. My respiration was low and my heart rate was high. I heard the nurses say they were not sure that I would make it through the night. I viewed my experience like a movie playing out before me. I could hear everything being said, but had no physical attachment to any of it. I only felt an incredible sense of love, peace and warmth. The same feeling I had when I attended church, only amplified. I was surrounded by the most beautiful colors of Light; in every shade and hue with rich tapestry. In this space there was no sense of time. Every now and then, I was pulled back into my body. As soon as I opened my eyes I felt all the physical pain once more. Each time I awakened, I saw one of my children or my boyfriend sitting by my side and I knew I was still a part of this world.
As soon as I closed my eyes, I would be back with my Angels and feeling the warmth of their love. For four days, doctors and specialists ran test after test. I had CAT Scans and X-Rays to determine what was wrong with me. Over the course of those four days, I spent my time between two worlds. I was aware of the physical, but also aware of my non-physical self. When I spent time with my Angels, I looked down at my non-physical arms and body. I saw an outline of form filled with golden white Light that radiated past the faint lines. As if I was a star shining brightly in the Heavens. The Light was fluid, iridescent and connected with ease to the Angels near or beside me. I connected with the stars and the vastness of the Universe. I was a part of everything in existence all at the same time.
I took the time to ask questions, and I heard the message loud and clear. Our purpose here is to discover unconditional love within ourselves and then offer it to others. We are all on the path. What differs between us is the road we take, the experience we choose, and how much we have learned about love. No one road is better or more important than another. It is all a matter of what speaks to your heart and feels like home within. We are here to explore, experience and find joy in the process of living an earthly existence. Our evolution and ascension as a spiritual being happens organically at a time when we are ready to receive it. We are all constantly growing, evolving and changing. But, this is not anything we have to force or for which we need a certain skill set. We are all spiritual beings having the human experience. All those experiences are a little different than the person standing next to us.
“Is it my turn to go?” I asked. “That is your choice. Right now, whether you live or go is up to you. You are given several opportunities in your life to choose to stay on the earth or go Home. So I ask you, Kimberlee, what do you choose?” I began to think of my answer. Being here with all of them, I felt so much love and peace. I would have a hard time leaving. Then I thought of my children. They had already been through so much. To lose their mother would be more than they could handle. I could not do that to them right now. I knew in my heart that all of this as I experienced it is timeless. One day I could choose to be here once again. I looked around at all the Angels, the heavens and stars then finally looked back at my Angel. “I choose to keep living my life on earth.”
As soon as I made my choice, I returned to my physical body aware of my surroundings. Kneeling next to the bed, I saw my doctor in tears trying to wake me. She told me they had finally figured out the cause. I needed to go into surgery immediately--my appendix had burst four days prior. They could not figure it out because it was not located in the usual place. They finally found my appendix next to my liver. They did not find it until they did a full body scan. I knew I would be alright-- I had chosen to be here. Through the surgery, they pulled out all the infection they could and repaired the damage. My body fought four types of infection, and what saved my life were the IV antibiotics I had been given the 24 hours prior to my appendix bursting. That kept the infection from spreading throughout my body. The doctors called me a miracle. They said had I not been in such great physical shape this story would have had a very different ending.
Eventually I left the hospital with the drains still in place to pull out the infection. I am so grateful for my family, my boyfriend, and everyone who was with me for round the clock care during my illness and recovery. They were all there for me when I needed them the most and in a sense were Angels serving in human form.
After this experience, I made a significant shift in how I viewed my life. I became more determined than ever to live every day as if it were my last. The small things such as being stuck in traffic, or if someone cut ahead of me in line, no longer bothered me. I no longer chose to waste a minute of my precious energy on anything that did not matter. My motto became, “If I am not going to remember this five years from now, I’m not going to give it any more thought today.”
Nearly dying changed me. I no longer saw the world the same way. I saw people as connected; all part of the same Source, but living different experiences. I understood how much of our experience is about choice; even when we decide to die. Every experience had purpose and helped us on our path to fulfill what we came here to do. There is no right or wrong, good or bad. It is only our perceptions that make it one way or the other. There is no one true religion or path to heaven. Whatever speaks to our hearts individually is the right path for us. All roads lead back to Source. This created a tremendous growth experience for me. Some people would ask about my experience and listen with genuine interest--for others it was too much to take in.
During my last check up when I told my doctor my story her eyes filled with tears. She said she believed me because for those four days they were not sure I was going to make it. She told me how sorry she was, but I assured her there was nothing to be sorry for. They did the best they could with the knowledge they had. They may be doctors, but they are still human beings. Besides, how could I ever trade the experiences I had and the growth as a result?
Those days were priceless and have changed my life in a significant way. Everything happens for a reason and what I experienced was an awakening like none other I had ever had before. The person going into the hospital was definitely not the same one who came out. One of the side effects of growth and change is the ripple effect. It touches every person who knows you in its own unique way. As a result, some may experience their own growth. For others it will create distance, causing a falling away. Change in me always seems to hit hardest with my intimate relationships. It could be argued there were cracks in the foundation long before the earthquake hit. But, the result was usually the same. My boyfriend was a rock for me through my health crisis and recovery. But, he and I did not continue to grow at the same rate. I woke up seeing the world in a different way. But in his eyes, I was the same person as when I went into the hospital.
Because of my shift, we no longer saw things from the same vantage point. When we tried to reason things through, it was as if I were speaking a foreign language. I could not expect him to understand where I came from. There was no way for him to understand. He had not experienced what I had. We tried for some time to put "us" back together, but the harder we tried, the more uncomfortable it became. The Universe let me know in every way possible that our time had come to an end. Everything in our life is fluid. Nothing remains the same. Every living thing grows and changes, why would we be the exception? The process is one of the most natural occurrences, and yet we as humans are so fearful and resistant. We want to cling to what we see as security even though what waits for us may be far better than we may ever imagine. The more we can let go and flow with change by being in a state of willingness and acceptance, the easier it may be to have a positive experience.