NDE Accounts

Part 2: Lengthy NDE learns of energies, Jesus, spirit city

Yes, ghosts do exist. They are all around us. I have seen them. The dark souls usually prey on the energies of humans still in human form and try to use those souls to prevent the evolution of spirit or to satisfy their own desires. If the dark souls understand what the light is all about, they might make a conscious decision not to go to the light. They sometimes attempt to influence other wayward souls and humans who do not understand the light and keep them from it too.

I understood I was and would always be protected from these dark ones as long as I chose to focus on the love in me. I was told that I eventually would assist the dark souls going to the Light if I were to show myself to be the essence of the Light. I understood that essence to be Love. The dark ones didn't even try to affect either Bob or me. In fact, they gave us nasty looks and went away. Their energies were dark and dull colors like browns and blacks and reds.

I was thankful that I had Bob to teach me about these things. I was told I would know these dark ones when I see them and I could alert them to the fact that they can go to the Light just by being loving and kind to them, without placing conditions on the love that I send to them.

I could see energy around the humans too, all different levels and colors. My light being explained the human energy to me. He said that the energy coming from humans is what spirits like him utilize to evaluate their spiritual condition and intent. Humans produce and manipulate their energy through their interactions with the environment around them as well as their intent. This energy is a tool that assists spirit to evaluate the spiritual condition of the souls that had left their human bodies and then determine the best way to help them to the Light.

My light being said the more brilliant the color, the higher the vibration is. He said that seeing the "aura" around a spirit is very useful in determining how much help a particular spirit needs to work on his development. He said the beings of higher vibration know where to go and what to do to help humans and earthbound souls so they may advance themselves if they so choose. He told me that all souls have this energy; this is why I could see it on every human I saw. The energy of the aura of a human is what links it to the planet. Its absence from the body results in what we humans think to be death.

He said that I was of the same energy type as he is but my vibration is lower when I inhabit human form and that in time my energy would raise to match his intensity, provided I chose to take the initiative to consciously evolve my soul in a positive way. He told me that to evolve my soul I would need to choose to practice love and kindness to all things and learn to live in harmony with the planet and my human body. It seemed simple enough and I thought I should try. I never really tried to do it before.

He talked some more about the dark souls who would attempt to influence my evolution and said that I would know them by gauging their intent as well. If what they said or did detracted from the harmony of the planet or the universe in any way, they would be harnessing the negative spectrum of the energy of the universe. If their intent were only for the good of themselves or negative in nature, those are good guidelines to use to determine if I should believe what they might try to tell me. He said if I wished to choose the negative type of intent, I was free to do so, but again by universal law I would have to face the effects of what I choose. Basically I have free will that allows me to choose my own destiny.

The negative energy was originally meant to be a tool to enhance the evolution of souls, but over time humans have overused and abused that gift. Positive and negative energies properly balanced were the intent of the original makeup of the energies. The concept of this worked well on the planet until human free will choices tipped the scales on the equation.

He told me that there is much to this planet that spirits can see which humans do not see with their eyes because their vibrations are so low. He showed me life in the trees and inside the earth that I could see as a spirit but could not see in my human form. I remembered the beings I saw in the beginning of my experience and asked him if they were part of the life he was speaking of. He told me that I was correct in my thinking.

He explained that those beings of higher vibration do live on Earth but they are not human - they are part of Earth itself. He explained these beings were the caretakers of physical life of the planet. Bob said that these beings take care of what we call nature. They take care of the plant life, the mineral life, and the waterborne life. These spirits work together to ensure that all aspects of nature are protected and remain healthy. While the planet evolves, these ethereal beings are the physical caretakers of the balance and essence of nature.

Bob explained to me that the planet that we call Earth really has a proper name in the universe, just as he and I do. He told me the Earth is really called "Gaia." He said Gaia has its own energy and that Gaia is really a true living being. She is one of the more significant entities of the universe. She is a beautiful lady of abundance!   I asked if her energy could be seen like the energies I had been seeing and he said that we have to move away from Gaia a bit to see and appreciate her completely.

He said humans are the ones who manipulate Gaia's energy through their choices. He said if humans choose to live in harmony with the energy on Gaia, it is good for Gaia and enhances Gaia's energy. He said if humans abuse Gaia by not observing the harmonic balance of nature, this hurts Gaia because it alters Gaia's true energy structure in negative ways and cause serious damage to it.  

I was given an example of how humans have deforested the planet and reduced the energy available faster than it could be replenish itself through the process of nature. What I saw were the energies of the land of the Pacific Northwest. The contrast between the areas where the trees were removed and where they remained was clearly evident to me. My friend explained to me Gaia was very strong indeed, but has been weakened considerably since humans have chosen to use resources like trees and minerals in a manner that is inconsistent with the laws of the universe. The idea is to use the resources as Gaia produces them and leave to Gaia what she needs to continue to produce. Once the base energy structure is altered on Gaia, this causes Gaia to alter the harmony in the rest of universe as well.

All of that made sense to me because I knew that I in essence was doing the same thing to my own body when I abused substances. Not only was I hurting me, I was hurting everyone else as well through my own choices. When using substances, I was altering the energies I emitted. That same principle applied to my thoughts. If I was fearful or angry, the energies I put out carried to whatever was around me and bred more of the same energy, depending on the subsequent choices made by those who my energy affected.

I asked Bob if we could go into space and see Gaia's energy and he said yes. He said there were no limits on where we could go. I concentrated my thought, trusted, and we then went into what is known as space. I didn't hesitate at all!

Away from this planet, I could see Gaia all at once. It was so beautiful. I could see the aura around Gaia and it wasn't the atmosphere - it was bigger. That aura affected me greatly. The effect on me was like seeing the birth of my children! It was mostly blue, surrounded with a lot of bright white, but it was the most brilliant blue I have yet to see. It would have been still more beautiful if it were not for the destruction humans have dealt since they came to Gaia.

I felt a deep love for this beautiful place. I could hear the lady move and was told the sound was the energy flowing in and out of her. It reminded me of the song I heard my body playing when I first remember being in the chair in the house. Of course, it was much grander in scale.

My special being told me that Gaia is most unique because it is designed for humans to live on forever. It was created for spirit to play, learn, and grow. He said the balance of nature on Gaia is what allows spirit to be in human form. If that human form lives in harmony with nature, it has more fun, learns more, and grows more than if it chose not to observe the harmonic balance.

The nature also exists on Gaia to compensate for the decreased vibration required for a human to maintain a physical presence. Nature was created for spirits so they could adapt enough to adjust and be in the physical human body while still having access to energies of the universe and each other which will help both. Bob explained that humans and the planet were designed by the creator to live on Gaia for eternity. Our souls have come to Gaia for eons and this will continue.

He said that "dying" is a human-created Earth term that means little in the world of spirit. The reason humans die is partly because they have fallen away from the balance of nature and are thus inevitably affected by what they choose to create that violates the natural laws of the universe. The other part is how souls evolve. He said that humans have fallen away from living in balance with nature and each other and because of that have shortened the time available for them to be in a physical form like I was.

That discussion made me wonder how humans came to be on Gaia in the first place. My special friend told me that I was first given my gift of an existence on Gaia around the time when Gaia first had humans on it. I asked him what Gaia was like then and all of a sudden I was on Gaia again. I was in a tropical type area. Everything was so perfect and warm and felt so right. I remember waking up hungry, then standing up and walking, going to explore. I was surrounded by only nature and awesome, positive energies.

No sooner than I felt that I wanted to stay there forever I was back in space again and continuing my journey. Bob explained some things about where I went that time. I wish I could remember the details about what he told me, and I suppose I will remember when I am ready. I think I may have gotten a bit too inquisitive at that point! I will say that I believe that I was given either a glimpse of ancient past, or maybe a feeling of what the Gaia of the future may feel like. Either way, it was very inspiring to me and I would not mind feeling that feeling again sometime!

He said again that humans must remember about the harmonic balance if they want to survive as a race and live eternally on Gaia. I asked if that meant that we would eventually transcend death and become what we term as immortal in the way he said was originally intended for us. I was given “no” as an answer. Bob said no, we are already immortal because we have souls that never die. He said it was still possible for humans to learn about this harmony and that it is the next overall goal that the humans on Gaia will eventually attain. How long it would take depends on the choices humans make as individuals, and as a whole. It’s all up to us.

I was told that humans would eventually realize they must restore the harmony but great damage will be inflicted before humans fully realize what they have been doing to Gaia and choose to work to reverse it. The damage inflicted will be to humans, as well as to Gaia itself.

The cause and effect of the individual choices made by each human in a collective sense is what will determine the outcome. I was told that I could contribute to the eventual restoration of the harmony by ensuring that my thought, word, and deed are designed by my intent to provide a positive outcome for everyone.

All of what Bob said made sense to me. I could see how my thoughts matter to the collective scheme of things. As I watched Gaia, I reflected on what I was feeling, hearing and seeing. As I thought about what I was being shown, I thought I’d ask about the other parts of the universe that my thoughts and deeds affected.

I looked toward the moon, thought about it, and suddenly we were there. I saw very little of the energies from on Gaia there and I asked why the moon was so different. He joked that one of the moon’s functions is to provide a rest stop for travelers like us! However, the moon’s main function is to serve Gaia by helping Gaia to stay aligned with the rest of the universe. The moon assists Gaia to harness the energies in the universe that enable it to support itself and produce its unique nature. When Gaia produces nature, it returns the energies it used from the universe. The moon is a type of governor for the energies. It keeps Gaia from being overwhelmed by them. It also serves as a type of conduit that services the transference of energy from Gaia to the rest of the universe.

Of course, those made me think of all of the other planets in our solar system. I wondered about the stars too. If Gaia and the moon were so connected, where would the other planets and stars fit into all of this? No sooner than I thought of those things, we were traveling toward the other planets and stars at a totally immeasurable speed.

Meeting One Great Master

We traveled closely past all of the planets in our solar system on our way to a star that I chose randomly. When we neared each planet, we slowed and I could hear their energies just like when we were near Gaia. Each one sang a song that sounded differently than the other. I saw the auras around each one of them as well. All were beautiful in their own right.

I saw spirit on every one of those planets too. Bob told me that each planet is a place for spirit to live, learn, and thus evolve. I saw great cities on each and every one of those planets. I wondered how there could be cities there and why humans seem not to know of them. Bob explained that many facets of life in the universe cannot readily be seen by humans because those facets were all of higher vibration. Bob said that most spirits of physical human form have yet to attain the higher level of vibration that is required to be able to see the dimensions comprising the higher levels of the energies of the universe.

I understood that each planet has a theme for learning and that any one of them can be chosen by a soul when we are between physical lives. He said we practice on the other planets to get ready to live on Gaia. Bob said Gaia is the ultimate experience for a soul. It is ultimate because our souls evolve faster there than anywhere else and that we apply what we learn on the other planets when we come to Gaia. We are able to be physical here. I gathered that we need some lessons that are difficult to learn without having a physical form.

I learned that we pick a physical life on Gaia. Bob told me that I picked the parents I was born to so that they could help me learn what I needed to grow enough to come back and do spirit work on Gaia after I attain a certain level of growth. I was to help them complete their paths. He said I was being told all of these things so that I could help souls come together and return Gaia to harmony.

We arrived at the star. The star looked like it was sucking the energies of rest of the universe into itself, which I didn't expect. We were close to it, but we weren't close enough that we would be sucked in. If I had to describe this thing, I would compare it to a whirlpool, a tornado, or perhaps a tunnel of some sort. It spun like a spiral, and had a distinct center to it that was very calm. I wondered what made it and what it was for. I thought maybe God did it because a lot of folks on Gaia say so.

I could see, hear, and feel that there was something wonderful on the other side of it too. I wanted to go through it but Bob said I'm not ready yet and it would be dangerous. He said he can't go there yet either. Maybe someday we can. Maybe there are other universes and this is a portal to them.

Bob explained a few things to me about God. Some of what he said I remember and some I don't. What I don't remember had to do with the size and physical structure of the universe. I do remember he said that God is not physically seen for he is everything. He is the energy. He can go beyond the portal I was seeing to seek assistance of other entities of his level.

He told me that God loves the lady Gaia and the rest of this universe deeply, as much as a man would love and help their soul group on Gaia. I was told God is a representative of this universe and goes into and out of this portal to get the assistance he needs from other entities like himself to help him to maintain his universe.

Bob talked about Jesus too. He told me Jesus was one master who made an agreement with God to come to Gaia to be an example for humans on how to act toward each other and find their way back to the path of harmony with each other as well as with Gaia. I was told that Jesus is but one of the masters entrusted by God to ensure that souls evolve. He said that Jesus is of the highest vibration compared to any other spirit. He said that God holds the Master Jesus in high favor because he is perhaps the best, a widely known example on Gaia of what humans can attain on Gaia because he attained his mastery the same way that we can if we choose to work toward it!

I then got to see the master I felt to be Jesus. He joined us and at first looked similar to how the churches taught me he looked. I didn't see him like that for very long at all though because he changed into his light. Jesus’ light was the purest I have ever seen. Totally white. There was no need for words. There were only love-like feelings sweeping over me that I cannot even begin to describe.

I was told by this master entity that loving one another is what souls need to do in order for peace and harmony to become fully felt on Gaia. He said just that, and then he left.

Bob told me there is an established hierarchy in the universe dedicated to preserving harmony. I do not remember the specifics of that. I was told of a structure of spirit beings that was carefully planned and is extremely important to the inner workings of all that there is.   These include angels and guides and ethereal beings that take care of Gaia. I was told that physical humans are one of the most important and vital parts of this thing called the harmonic balance. The free will we have is the part of our souls that allows us to give positive service to the universe, if we decide to do that. On the other side of this, the free will can also be used for negative purposes.


After Bob explained those things to me, I was able to see our whole solar system all at once in full color and sound. The planets were all in a line and I could see all of them to the sun. I could hear and feel the song they sang together. I felt so very blessed and extremely important. I felt like I was given this really awesome gift but I didn’t really understand why. There I was, a negative person who went out my way to inflict pain on other souls, yet I wasn't even asked about what I had done with my life. In fact, I was given the honor of being given answers to questions that I'm sure many people wonder about all of their lives.

I thanked Bob for explaining and showing me what he did. He told me that there was more for him to show me if I was ready to experience it. I told him I was ready. I didn't know why I was chosen for any of this but I wasn't about to question why. It just seemed like a minor detail to me then.

I let Bob decide where to go next. He said there was somewhere we needed to go. I didn't have any ideas on where to go other than going into the star and since I couldn't do that yet I felt that it might be best to let Bob decide where we were to go. It seemed he had an idea. I knew I wanted to learn as much as possible from him and I felt he knew what I needed to learn. I completely trusted him. Any doubts I had harbored about this whole experience vanished. We moved away from the star.

The Spirit City

We started to head back toward Lady Gaia. I thought we were going back to Gaia, but we went to a place that seemed to be in her shadow. We were close, close enough that we could see Gaia from there, aura and all. I wondered how these places haven’t been seen by someone before. It looked like there were spirits going to and from Gaia. They left trails that faded away, sort of like the contrails from the planes we see in our skies.

It was a great city that seemed to be in the clouds. The place seemed like it was another planet but it wasn’t, or maybe it was another dimension.

There were these beautiful white buildings as far as I could see. All of them had wood frames with plants merging themselves to framing. I saw spirits living there that had vibration but no real physical human bodies as I knew them on Gaia. They were just like me, light. These inhabitants went to and from the buildings, going to work and going to play. They were as diverse as we humans are. I saw a place where spirits went to get what I think to be water. There were no vehicles there at all. Spirits there seemed to get around the same way my being and I got around and that was by flying. It was an extremely busy place. I wondered what it is they actually do there.

The city had no boundaries that I could see. This place was full of life of every kind. There was nature there, many pure plants, trees, and water, just like on Gaia but more pure. Nature there was absolutely perfect. It was untainted by human manipulation. I felt an extremely strong positive vibration there. The place was so very similar to Gaia. All that was missing were the problems and negativity I felt on Gaia. I felt that this was what is called heaven in Earth terms. Guess what? I could touch things there too!

I saw spirits going to and from Gaia and the city. I could tell the development of the spirits going to and from by feeling the energy they put out. I could see that animal souls came to and from Earth just like humans do, and I could feel their feelings as well.

I could see many souls leave Gaia with guides and could see souls returning to Gaia with and without guides. My guide told me that some of the spirits passing to and from Gaia are the ones he mentioned earlier that were doing the work with humans on Gaia. I could distinguish between the types of spirits that were doing the work from the spirits that were coming to the great city to become replenished and eventually go back to Gaia to experience more and further evolve. I could feel the emotions of the souls coming back for replenishment. I could feel that some of them were sad, beaten, and scared, much like I felt before my being came to me. I felt many others that were returning to this wonderful home full of love and light and positive energy.

My guide took me into one of the larger buildings. Inside I saw many spirits working. They were doing things similar to jobs on Gaia. I saw a place where there were people who were working with things ranging from simple paint and paper to things that I could not recognize. There were also classrooms where souls were learning all about Gaia. It seemed like what the spirits were doing were more along the lines of what we would consider art here on Earth. It also seemed to me that what was going on in this place was all about Gaia and firmly connected to her.

When we walked by the spirits that were working, they all looked at me. I think they were checking me out because of the being I was with. We went up some stairs and I saw a few spirits that knew me and I recognized them from somewhere. They greeted me and asked me how I was doing on Gaia and why I was here. They seemed happy to see me and each gave me advice which unfortunately, I do not remember. I thought I was going to be given a job like them, but my guide knew I thought that and told me that there was something I needed to do first. He said I wasn't quite ready.

I was ecstatic! What I thought was that I was in heaven despite everything I had done during my life on Gaia. I was experiencing what most people only dream about. The love I felt there was the same love I felt when I saw the light of the great master Jesus. I think the place I had been searching for on Gaia was really the same place I was in then. I was searching on Gaia for the feeling I was feeling that very moment. I had found the feeling that I spent my whole life searching for. I was truly happy. I was home and I knew it. I was fully ready to stay in this place and perform any task I was assigned to do. I wondered a little that maybe there was some sort of catch involved here.

My guide then took me to another building that seemed more special than the rest. It was much bigger than the other buildings. The greenest foliage I have ever seen was growing on it, decorating it like a shrine. Many spirits came and left from this place. We went inside and saw on one side a set of double doors that glowed with life. On the other side was a long corridor that led to a large hall. Along the corridor were rooms. Bob told me that this hall was where souls’ records are kept. The entire inside of the building was decorated with a wood paneling that the being told me was a glowing, "living" wood from the trees that grew at this wonderful place.

He led me to some big double doors and told me to wait on this bench made of the same glowing wood while he went in through the double doors. As I sat on the bench, I started to remember things about the life I had in Egypt. I was a young boy living alone on the streets. I had told a priest a secret I'd overheard in my travels. I almost became aware of what that secret was but I got interrupted.

My guide came out of the room. He suggested that I go into the room. He said he would wait for me when I came out and told me to not worry. He did caution me to ensure that I was truthful with the beings in the room in the event that they asked me questions. He said they were not judges; rather they were the ones who evaluated a soul's development based on a soul's recorded history. The records were the same ones stored in the same building.

He told me to remember who I was and to refrain from fear. I knew I had to leave this being sooner or later but I was glad that he would wait for me. I was a bit scared to leave him, but I felt protected and knew in my heart that I would be protected here.

I gathered myself together, grasped one of the golden knobs, and walked through those doors.[Continued]

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Man who drowned as teen and was pulled out seeks answers later in life

When I was around fourteen years old, I went fishing with my older brother and his friend. We took a small boat out on to a river. The river waters were extremely high and fast-moving as it had been raining for two weeks straight. As soon as we launched the boat from the shoreline it immediately capsized. As I went over into the water, I was able to grab onto a seat cushion that fell into the water. It happened so fast as the water was pulling me down underneath rapidly. The seat cushion which was supposed to also serve as a flotation device was useless as I was clutching on to it. 

I was looking up as I was being pulled down and I could see the top of the water and a very small what appeared to be a hole of light from above getting smaller and smaller as I was being pulled down so fast I couldn't seem to move at all, just being pulled under. Two thoughts came to mind, as I was being pulled down - the seat cushion was not helping to save me, it was getting sucked down regardless, and I remember saying to myself in my mind - "I can't believe I am going to die like this, I'm only 14." At that point, everything went dark.

The next thing I can remember is looking up and seeing the overcast sky, I was soaking wet, lying on my back. My vision was not very clear, foggy like, confused, where was I, what was happening. As I was coming to my senses, I could hear my brother calling my name off in the distance. I called out to him. All I remember next was saying to him - (his first name) "You saved my life, thank you for saving my life and pulling me out of the water." He replied - "I didn't pull you out of the water, we've been running up and down the shoreline looking for you." We've had people looking for you for some time.

When he pulled me up from the ground, I turned to look at where I was. I had been lying in the branches of a large birch tree that was lying partially in the water’s edge downstream from where the boat capsized. We got in the car, didn't talk much. When I got home, I remember telling my Mom that (brother's first name) had saved me from drowning. 

My brother to this day doesn't know what happened and he insists that he did not pull me out. He found me lying on the tree. The incident seemed to have gone into the background of my life in the early years of my life. At times the memory would come up, I would struggle to make sense of it and then it would disappear again for years. In my later years, as a parent, I've struggled to fill in the missing pieces which were causing restlessness for answers, loss of sleep, questioning life.

Something seemed to have brought the incident to the forefront of my thoughts several years ago and it was difficult for me, replaying it out in my mind daily, what happened, how did I get out of the water - Who saved me? It's almost like I have a sense of someone having pulled me from the water. A hand reaching down into the water and pulling me out, telling me it was not your time.

The past year I've been getting more thoughts coming into my head that I was not following the course that I was supposed to. I was supposed to be helping people heal, overcome their challenges, fears, obstacles. Helping them find their path in life. Like I was given a second chance in life and now was the time to take care of business before it gets too late and I didn't accomplish what I was supposed to do. 

I've only recently told my children about my experience. I have actually come to peace with trying to find the missing time/events between going under and awakening. I've been in many sessions of searching and during one, a voice or thought clearly said to me - "You don't need to know the answer right now, it's not the time. Just know that you are here." 

Woman, abused as infant, has NDE after-effects

When I was approximately two years old, my father looked at me one day and decided he wanted to “be the first”. He raped me as an infant. Many years later, when he was beginning to show signs of dementia, someone spoke to him about how he should treat me. His response was, “She’s my daughter and I’ll do what I want with her,” and then proceeded to tell the above story (in more graphic detail). This came back to me more than a year after that conversation, and after he had passed.

I have no conscious memory of that event from my infancy. However, I have known since my 20s that something of that nature had happened to me. I knew it because my emotional and physical responses in certain situations were classic sexual-abuse-victim reactions. I knew it because of “cellular memory”: my body knew, even though my mind didn’t. I spent many years in therapy, reading, and self-evolutionary work, trying to figure it out, trying to remember what happened to me. It wasn’t until my father’s late-life “brag” (that was his point, to demonstrate his “rights”) was relayed to me that I finally had an answer. I was then in my 50s. But I still have no conscious memory of the event.

When I started attending the Tucson IANDS presentations, I was fascinated. To know what was on the other side, to hear others’ personal accounts, was at once uplifting and reassuring, intellectually engaging and emotionally supportive. I joined IANDS, and was further delighted to start receiving their “Monthly NDE” reports. Recently I came across a couple of them that really caught my attention.

One talked about NDEs in children, written by P.M.H. Atwater. She spoke of how “children compensate”. Rather than deal with their experience, they adjust other things around it; that even into mature years, the puzzle is often not solved. They “begin abstracting (dealing with broad conceptual ideas), are smarter than their parents, school teachers, friends”. “They forever miss HOME, the greater collective they know is real.” She says 90% are unable to bond with their parents. She continues: “Typical characteristics afterward: heightened senses, vivid imagination, intellectual curiosity and drive, psychic/intuitive, loneliness, higher I.Q., deep capacity to care, great potential for an ethical path, aware of future moments, strongly independent even if shy, nonlinear development. The younger the child, the greater the jump in I.Q., [and] the ability to abstract.” They are “doers with good ideas, inventions, and the energy to get jobs done”. They have a heightened consciousness, and a tendency to nerve-stomach-skin sensitivity.

These things all represent aspects of myself. I never felt particularly close to any of my family. (I’m not even sure what “bonding” with a parent might actually be.) I never thought I was smarter than average, until I had more experience with a broader range of people – and then it became clear to me: my comments were often over the heads of other people. My thoughts and ideas were often complex and fairly advanced in logic and principle, and went unnoticed (at best) or ridiculed (at worst). I am very resourceful and can often come up with unique ways to deal with a problem or situation. I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) as defined by Dr. Elaine Aron. I am intuitive and perceptive of people’s emotions and intentions. I can often “see” likely outcomes of present actions. I can often tell when someone is lying. I have a strong sense of history and how it connects everything, as well as my own participation in many time periods. I have had several Spiritually Transformative Experiences (STEs), mostly regarding my own past lives. And I have an awareness of a broader future for humanity and the planet.

A different Monthly NDE mentions the writer’s “excruciatingly painful awareness”, a “feeling of desolate isolation from my real existence”. I have always felt a deep, profound, and painful sadness, just from living on the physical plane, never feeling a part of this place, never feeling “at home”. I know things about how this life works that most other people don’t seem to be aware of, things in terms of personal interactions, repercussions, and energetic flow. At least, sometimes.

Other times I am clueless as to social norms and acceptable behaviors, or what some enigmatic comment is supposed to convey. And yet I was never able to utilize my sensitivities for anything other than personal evolution. It did not help me find jobs or friends, I never felt “successful”, either monetarily or socially. I have never had sufficient certainty of my ideas to help others by way of predictions or information regarding their own lives. All I can do is give my own thoughts and impressions as suggestions, and if they accept what I say, it may help them to understand their circumstances or make their own choices. Often, however, they do not. I sometimes feel like Cassandra of Greek mythology, cursed to give true prophecies which nobody ever believes.

In this second Monthly NDE, the writer says she has no memory of the experience, she simply “knew” that she had been on another plane of existence, and had been forced or somehow persuaded to return to her physical body. This really woke me up. “Having no memory of the experience” is the same way I describe my own sexual assault: I have no conscious memory of it, yet I “know” it happened. This led me to what felt like a revolutionary concept: perhaps I had, as a result of rape at a very early age, left my body and experienced an NDE. For reasons at which I can only guess, my memory of the physical event and my retreat out of my body – and whatever happened on the other side – had been erased. I would guess that this was done to protect me and help me survive.

The emotional pain, shyness, reluctance to socialize, constant anxiety, and fear for my protection and future have been with me as long as I can remember. I have always known that I had to take care of myself, I could rely on nobody else for my physical, mental, or emotional wellbeing. Over the course of more than 60 years, that intuition has been borne out, and continues to be true.

I have always had a deep need and respect for the truth, beyond what most others would act on, even to my own detriment in terms of money or personal cost. If you don’t have truth, I felt, you don’t have anything. My mother’s description of me, as told to the mother of a friend of mine, was “very independent”.

Despite crippling shyness, I was compelled to utilize my musical talents in singing and acting. I have a number of stomach/digestive issues, and I am physically very sensitive. (I.e., things that are very painful to me would go unnoticed by many.) I have always tried to help others, though my efforts were often misunderstood. I feel a visceral pain at cruelty or subjugation of any kind, to anyone, whether I know them or not. I have always championed the underdog in most any situation or society at large, including (especially!) the animal kingdom.

My empathic abilities seem to be very sharp, yet indistinct. I can be overwhelmed by feelings that often make no sense to me, if I happen to notice. More often, I get totally lost in the emotion and react to that, and I don’t notice that it likely comes from people or circumstances around me. This is complicated by my own, often very strong, emotions. It took me decades to realize this was happening, and I am still learning how to differentiate and identify sources (me or not-me).

I describe this laundry list of “after-effects” as the only evidence of my NDE. It may seem like I’m jumping to conclusions, but that is the nebulous nature of my attributes and abilities. I have only my intuition to go on. It may sound self-absorbed, yet that seems to be my purpose here in this lifetime. My constant goal throughout my life has been to improve myself as a human being and increase my spiritual awareness. Everything else was secondary. (I was once told by a numerologist that I was hoping to make this my last incarnation.) For the most part, the only real achievements I have made during my life have been in introspection, self-realization, and personal evolution. And perhaps those are no small achievements. So, make of it what you will. If my story helps anyone else in their own journey, that will be a whole new kind of success for me.

Greeted by vibrantly-colored spirit guides and guardian angels

I was involved in a horrific three-car motor vehicle accident on Sunday, March 8th, 2020. Doctors told me that I am fortunate to be alive and that most people involved in a head-on collision such as mine don’t survive it. 

I am writing to you in part to process what I experienced during my accident and also try to find some answers or understanding about what happened to me. 

The accident occurred in front of my eldest daughter's home. I turned on my left-hand blinker, slowed down, and noticed a white car traveling extremely close behind me. I proceeded to slow down while going East on the residential street and felt the white car hit me from behind. That caused my car to spin out of control and forced me to go over the divider into oncoming traffic proceeding Westbound where I was hit again head-on. I lost consciousness after the second impact. When my daughter approached my car she mentioned that when she first saw me after the accident my eyes were a distinctive blue-white 'haze' and a type of milky color in my eyes. She saw me slumped over the steering wheel making a gurgling sound and not breathing.  

What I saw was myself being tossed back and forth in the car with a cloud of white smoke surrounding me, which I assume was the airbag deploying, but I was not connecting with the person in the driver's seat at the time. While I was observing myself in the car, I noticed the color of the t-shirt as the most brilliant magenta color and finally realized the person in the car was me, because I specifically wore that t-shirt for comfort and it’s one of my favorite t-shirts. As I was connecting that the person in the driver seat was me, at that moment I was literally out of my physical body. Next, I observed me slumped over the steering wheel and then I felt my body floating away from the inside of my car and I started rising above my car.

I had the most incredible feeling of oneness and joy and absolutely no pain at all. I can’t really describe it, but I could see everything around me, under me, above me and behind me. While I was fascinated with this concept and trying to understand what I was experiencing, I noticed there were five to six of what I believe were my guardian angels and spirit guides that were waiting for me within the most indescribable light surrounding them. The brilliant colors are hard to describe, but they were mostly orange hues with yellow streams of light behind them. The colors were so vibrant and gorgeous. It felt like they were waiting for me to attend a kind of celebration. While I was observing this amazing scene, I thought of my family and instantly with great force and speed I was sucked back into my body, gasping for air, and started feeling the most excruciating pain. 

After eight weeks of recovering, I have gained a new perspective on life. I can honestly say I feared death and the unknown before my accident, but due to my experience, I have lost the fear of death. I have a new sense of what my purpose is and my spirituality has strengthened. I also tended to be a bit shy and not speak up or express myself; however, I found my voice and now have the ability to express my feelings more often. I am a doula and I cherish serving babies and their families and yet again it’s given me an increased awareness to serve and love my family and friends more often. 


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