NDE Accounts

Teen wishes for death, but is shown who she really is

The Awakening

My life truly started with a Divine Encounter that shifted my world view when I was 16 years old. At this point in my life I was fighting for my life as my body was being attacked by an “incurable” autoimmune disease called Lupus.  Within four months of the diagnosis, my kidneys were failing, heart problems, hair loss, arthritis throughout my entire body, internal swelling of my organs, unsightly skin lesions and loads of medication made me lose grasp of who I even was. I had withered away to skin and bones and when I looked at myself in the mirror, I didn't even recognize the person staring back at me. 

Then I had a dream that would change my life forever. I remember this night as vividly today as I did then. 

On this particular night, I decided to give up on life. I did not want to live anymore. All I wanted was for someone to put me out of my misery. I felt hopeless. I felt angry. I was tired of the endless trips to the doctor, plates of toxic medication, the painful shots in my rear for anemia, the nausea from the chemo and the depressing sight of my hair falling out in clumps and looping sense of hopelessness.  I was so weak that I couldn’t even walk and my entire body was swollen with fluid due to failing kidneys - a trip to the hospital was imminent to begin kidney dialysis. 

I felt like I was trapped in a deteriorating body that wasn’t mine. And the future I had planned with my full ride soccer scholarship was now just a faded memory.

On this particular night, I did something I hadn’t done in years. I got down on my knees and surrendered everything I had left to this unknown God force that I was supposed to be available to me at all times. This was my breaking point. I began uncontrollably sobbing, releasing what seemed like emotions that had been held back my whole life, then I asked out loud…

“If there is anyone listening, if there is a God, please help me or take me. I don’t want to live like this anymore and I can’t do this alone, I need help. If you are there please help me. I give up.” 

I cried until I was dry and then went to bed.

That night I had a dream that would change my life forever. In this dream I went through many phases of healing, including forgiveness, love, gratitude and surrender, before eventually spinning off the ground and levitating slowly into the sky. There was a crowd of friends, family, and people I barely even knew all trying desperately to pull me back to the ground. As I floated up, I had a sense of peace wash throughout my entire body. I knew that I was dying but I was okay with it, I felt like I was returning home and that a huge weight had been lifted.

I asked for everyone to let me go. I wasn’t afraid of dying anymore. I then shot up into the most pure, white, loving, light that held me in a cocoon of radiant love and bliss that I will never be able to explain with words. In that moment, I knew who I/we are beyond this physical experience. I felt the eternalness of my nature. The perfection of source. The perfection of all life. Every experience that had led me to that point flashed through my inner sight like a movie that beautifully illustrated how every experience had perfectly led me to this moment. 

I experienced the perfection of my sickness, of my physical experience, the perfection of everything in my life that had led me to that moment, I felt a deep connection with ALL, with consciousness itself and this feeling of oneness was so Divinely beautiful that I couldn't feel anything but the truth of my divine essence. I had been gifted with a remembrance of my true nature, and this was the gift i had needed to heal. My soul then asked to return to Earth, without words - there was a deep yearning to share this love I had experienced with the world.

In an instant I dropped from this glowing, loving place back into my bed. I hit the bed like I had fallen out of another dimension and woke up gasping for air like I was taking the first breath of my new life. I was crying tears of bliss, and was so overwhelmingly happy that I couldn't contain myself. I knew I was healed. I knew I wasn't sick any more, I knew I never was sick. It had all been an illusion. 

I jumped up and ran up a flight of stairs that a couple hours prior, I couldn't have imagined doing, to go wake up my parents and tell them the good news. I turned on the lights and announced I was healed and they had nothing to worry about. They thought I was crazy but that didn't matter to me. Nothing could take away this internal knowingness of my true nature and this knowingness has stayed rooted deep with me my whole life.

For the next 4 months I awoke with the sun, no alarm, with a deep desire to sit in silence with myself to enjoy the love that was outpouring from my heart. I was so joyous that I almost couldn't contain it. Something inside me had shifted and it felt amazing. All feelings of lack, doubt, pity, limitation, weakness and struggle were wiped clean. I felt the interconnectedness of everything around me. I knew I was a part of everything I saw and could feel the energetic connection that tied everything together. Every day was full of tears of bliss.

Although my complete recovery from the disease took a little over 4 months, the healing had occurred instantaneously in my mind. And from that moment on I started hiding all my medication, because I knew it was preventing my body from healing itself. For 4 months I kept this a secret from my parents and doctors until I went in for my final lab work that revealed my kidneys were healed and functioning perfectly without any scarring. There was no sign of the lupus.  I have now been symptom free and medication free for 15 years.

The Fade

I thought this beam of light coming from my heart was never going to go away. For months, I effortlessly flowed through life and witnessed profound healing. 

It was when I returned to high school that this light within me began to fade. I had no words to explain what I had experienced, and I felt nobody understood. I now see that I had to lower my vibration to fit in. I slowly began to shut down and revert inward. Within a month of being back at school the en”light”ened feeling that I had was greatly dimmed. My mind used this time of weakness to convince me that this experience was nothing extraordinary after all.

In college and the years following, I used drinking to numb this feeling of separation. What I thought was bringing me happiness externally was actually creating a bigger gap internally. The drinking and socializing became a filler. On the outside looking in, my life seemed great. I had a high paying job at a company I loved, penthouse apartment, nice car and beautiful friends and experiences. This lens of reality was beautiful while it lasted but deep down, I felt that something was missing.

On November 7th, 2016 I had a heart attack. This experience triggered another moment of clarity that changed the trajectory of my life yet again. Everything that I experienced in my dream flashed back into my vision and I knew instantly that I had to make a big change and follow the calling in my heart. I felt there was something much bigger I was here to offer the world and it was time to figure out what that was.

I decided to make a shift and move across the world to a small island in Thailand known for its holistic health community that I felt called to explore. I was guided to return back to this place of oneness that I had experienced in my dream. It would be from this place of love and light within that I would be able to heal my heart and begin to share this radiant nature with others to assist in their own self-healing and remembrance.

Returning to Flow and Alignment

I have now been living on Koh Phangan for the past year, on a multi-dimensional self-healing journey. At first, I set out to heal my physical heart from the heart attack but the journey has resulted in much deeper healing. I peeled back the layers, belief systems and social constructs that previously shaped my reality and now focus on tuning into the co-creative, loving, infinite energy source that lies within to support me in creating and living an inspired life.

It is my soul’s mission to help humanity rise above all perceived limitations and tap into the infinite wellspring of energy that lies within, to live an inspired, happy, healthy and harmonious life. 

If you are reading this, your soul has guided you here. Your intuition is whispering to you, and now it is time to listen. Nothing is impossible. There is something profound ready to flow out of you. I am here to help inspire you, give you goosebumps and shine a light on the limitless possibilities that surround you and are within you.

Through my own personal healing and self-discovery journey, I discovered the breath to be a potent medicine, that is a transformational tool for gently cleansing and realigning our mind, body and spirit. The breath is with us every minute of our lives as a silent witness to our existence, but it is also an intuitive guide that can take you on an inner journey of self-discovery, transformation and profound healing. 

Since my very first powerful introduction to breathwork I have been repeatedly astounded by the transformative mental, emotional, physical and spiritual healing that continues to transpire. 

The best part of breathwork is that it is SIMPLE. You can stop looking outside of yourself for the answers. Everything you seek is waiting to be tuned in within and the breath is a simple tool that can activate this inner remembrance of our divine nature.

What I Do Now

After selling everything I owned and making the leap into the unknown, I have been on a journey of coming back to myself to witness and cherish the eternal “I AM” within, beyond all the constructs I had previously built up that defined me. I am continually amazed as I learn more about the profound nature of our mind, body and spirit. I want to share all that I have learned with the world. In the past year this is what has transpired:

  • I co-founded Bhavana Bottle - an eco-friendly, tea infuser bottle that is part of a global initiative to save our oceans from plastic waste. The bottles are being sold globally.  We donate a portion from every sale to help clean and restore our oceans from the damage caused by single-use plastic.
  • I am passionate about teaching meditation and breathwork sessions at consciousness festivals, retreat centers, online and privately.
  • I love teaching SOMA breathwork at healing centers, workshops, online, at festivals and one-on-one sessions.

Favorite Quote: 

At the center of your being, you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want. - Lao Tzu

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GI almost dies, has painful life review and flies around the world

In April 1996 I was deployed to Thailand to support this annual military joint exercise named “Cobra Gold.”  If I would give a ‘guesstimate,’ I would say around 2,000 U.S. soldiers from all military branches were also deployed. Thailand was a beautiful place to live. The people were friendly, the food was delicious, and there was so much to explore.  Unfortunately, the country is a public health nightmare. There is an incredible amount of disease and germs in Thailand. It was so bad, the military’s Public Health Department prescribed everyone Doxycycline as a preventative medicine. I am not totally sure about how I got the H. pylori germ. It is a toss-up between the ice that was in my glass of soda or the “sampler plate” that had ten different types of meat. I am not a gambling man, but I would probably put $100 on the sampler plate, from which I accidently ate frog, snake and dog meat.  Let’s just say that dog meat tastes like a tough steak.

I started feeling the symptoms somewhere around the tail end of my deployment in June. I remembered asking my friend Pic, “Does my neck looks swollen to you?” to which he replied, “Hell yeah!” At first, I felt fatigued. The fatigue was so extreme that I drank Pepsi nearly all day, for the caffeine. This chronic fatigue lasted weeks, until I returned from Thailand, sometime in late June 1996.  

The symptoms got worse every week after I returned from Thailand.  I had stabbing pains in my stomach, a constant burning pain in my throat, and I would poop this strange orange jelly-like material. I know, too much information. I drank Maalox like coffee. I would carry the small Maalox bottle in my back pocket like a flask of liquor. I even sipped on it like Hennessey. Eventually, I started going to the military doctor every two weeks, for three months. He would give me the same spill, “Your body is fighting something.  Let’s wait a little longer to see what manifests.”  

Finally, he told me, “Look! The next time I see you, you’d better be in the emergency room!”

After hearing the same speech, I stopped going.  I guess his words finally got to me. Therefore, I waited for a huge symptom, like an alien to pop out of my stomach.

As time passed, my symptoms became more severe.  I started having some breathing issues, like wheezing and nasal flaring. I remember sitting in a college English classroom on the base, gasping for air. It felt like I was breathing through a straw. I looked at my other classmates to see if they were having breathing issues.  After class was over, I went home, laid on the bed and fell into a deep sleep.

The next day was October 25th, my “Happy Birthday Eve day,” since my birthday was the following day, on the 26th. I remember feeling fatigued and wheezing that day. I remember thinking, “Why am I focusing on inhaling and exhaling today?” I remember clutching my chest, due to breathing issues. I laid in bed and immediately passed out while clutching my chest.  Immediately after I lay down, I felt my body levitate from the bed. I did not think anything of it because my body still felt “heavy,” as if I still weighed 210 lbs.  As I reached the ceiling of the bedroom, my body flipped around to a birds-eye view. That’s when I saw my real motionless body on the bed, still clutching its chest. My spiritual body came back down from the ceiling and stood in front of the bed. The television was behind me on the dresser and the volume was very loud.  

“Am I really out of my body?”  “Let me analyze this TV.” I looked at the vents that were on the side of the TV.  I put my ear to both side speakers and stood again in front of the TV to hear the different sound levels. Since I was a straight O.G. Sinner who was drinking and partying, I was more fascinated with being in another dimension than seeing heavenly beings. Therefore, I applied my critical thinking and deductive reasoning skills to help draw a conclusion on whether or not this was real.

What I did know at that point was that I didn’t have any more pain.

After analyzing the TV, I looked up at the ceiling and was blown away!  The ceiling in the bedroom was completely gone. The ceiling was replaced with outer space, with small bright stars.  It was as if the entire universe was condensed to what looked like a star map on my ceiling! This outer space, it was so dark that it seemed to glow.    I had never seen any object so dark. The closest thing that I could compare it to is the top of a black oven/stove or a flat screen TV. The stars where tiny but bright, similar to white Christmas tree lights.  However, the darkness from this space overshadowed the lights. I stared at this for at least five minutes. I remember saying, “I must be in another dimension,” because at that point I realized that no elements from the Periodic Table mattered.

After gazing at the ceiling and analyzing my television, I turned completely around. That’s when I saw him! Standing at the corner of the room was an angel who was around 7 ½ feet tall. He didn’t shine or have a glow like I would have imagined, nor did he have wings. However, I knew he was an angel because of his height and because he wore a Greek-like white robe. He was a tall and slender elderly man with a neatly trimmed beard that was perfectly edged. I would say that he looked like the actor Christopher Lee when he played Count Dooku, minus the light saber.

Immediately after I saw him, I mumbled, “This ain’t gonna be pretty!” because I knew I was going straight to hell.  Afterwards, we had a long discussion, but our mouths did not move. We conversed telepathically. Even though I was in spiritual form, I had all of my five senses. While I was talking to him in front of the television, I kept thinking, “Man, this TV is loud!”  Another interesting fact is that you are still the same person, even in the spiritual world. Since I get easily distracted, or what I call my “squirrel events,” I kept looking at the ceiling while I was talking telepathically with the angel.  I even wanted to jump up and touch one of the stars, which I would have done in real life.

I cannot remember our conversation, but it had to do with me being on the wrong trajectory to Heaven. Around this time, I realized that this angel was more of a “guide.”  

After our conversation, I hovered over the house, far enough to see that my house didn’t have a roof!  It looked like a doll house or a house on a movie set. Only the side walls existed. I looked at my living room which was well lit. My wife was in the kitchen cooking. Six feet from her was another ball of light. That’s when I noticed that this wasn’t a ball of light, but another angel in the kitchen with my wife.

After hovering over my house, I remember flying through the air. If I had to guess the altitude, I would say I was at an altitude of about 50,000 feet!  I remember flying over the Pacific Ocean at night and how the waves had small reflections of light, similar to how the moon shines on the ocean. Boy, was I flying!  I felt afraid because I wasn’t in control of where I was going. It felt like my spirit was thrown across the ocean. I went from Guam to Los Angeles, 6000 miles, in probably 10 seconds. I also felt homesick because I knew that I was far away from my body. I thought, “I need to get back into my body and start living right!”

After I arrived in Los Angeles, that’s when my whole “dimensional” thinking became spiritual.  I finally accepted that I was either dead or near death. I remember being in a bright orange/yellowish room.   The light wasn’t super bright; however, it illuminated the entire room. I knew instantly that this wasn’t any ordinary light, but the presence of God in the room.  It was as if the light was alive.  

There was a glass pane across the room, which separated the dimension I was in and life on Earth.  Even to this day, it’s hard for me to discuss this event because I was being judged on my past and future actions. I was shown how powerful your words or actions are. If you called someone fat 20 years ago, when you are judged, you will see and feel the “behind the scenes” of how your words affected them throughout their life. My past words made someone depressed in the future, to the point that it changed their life’s “trajectory.”   

Just dwell on this. Think about all of the kids that you probably teased or bullied in elementary school. Think about later in their life, that you were the person responsible for that kid eventually abusing drugs or hurting him or herself. Sorry, I know this was dark and too much, but I wanted to illustrate how Judgment Day will be.  

After watching this judgment event, I felt horrible and ashamed.  I didn’t break down and cry, but I wanted to distance myself from that room and the “Light.”  I even said to it, “Just take me straight to Hell.”  Afterwards, feeling ashamed I went walking down this path, thinking that it would lead me to Hell. Halfway down that path, I turned around and mumbled, “. . . and all I wanted to see was my birthday,” which was the very next day.  Suddenly, I was thrown back over the Pacific Ocean and into my body. I wish I had a camera in my bedroom because it felt like my body bounced up off the bed.  When I woke up, I was disoriented. I didn’t know where I was. I assumed that I had been judged somewhere else.  Seconds later, my wife came in the room singing “Happy Birthday” and holding a cake. I looked at the clock and it was exactly 12:00 AM, October 26, 1996, my 26th birthday!

After about a day or so, I went back to the hospital.  God blessed me with another doctor, fresh out of medical school. I could tell he was a Second Lieutenant. He said, “Let me run some labs to see what’s in your blood.” That is when Helicobacter Pylori came back positive. He prescribed me Tagamet and around three months of antibiotics, and it took around that time to totally eradicate it.  

After my experience, I started attending church and reading the Bible.  Most of all, I transitioned into a loving being who loved everyone, regardless of their race or economic status.

Woman doing drugs leaves body, feels love and acceptance

I was able to get some free time away from home and went to visit one of my friends. When I arrived another friend of my friend was there also. They were smoking wax and asked if I wanted to smoke and so I took a hit. I’ve tried wax once before and experienced anxiety and really didn't care for it. After taking a hit, I sat back down and took a few sips from my beer. I started feeling hot and then my hearing started to close. I knew I was in trouble but didn't let anyone know. I knew my friends were talking but I couldn't hear them. I could see their mouths moving through my blurry vision which was getting worse with each second. All while keeping how I was feeling to myself because I didn't want to ruin their high.

As my energy is getting weaker, my friend looks at me and I said I don't feel good. My friend told me to go lay down on the bed. I remember thinking I'm not going to make it but didn't tell them that and so I stood up, went to step towards the room and that's all I remember doing in my physical body at that time. My friends later told me that I got up and fell straight back with my knees bent and legs underneath my body.

I knew I came out my body but didn't see myself come out. I was in the light. I was one with the light. Many faces were coming up to me very quickly and saying hi,hi,hi.......I knew I knew them but couldn't make out exactly who they were. The feeling of unconditional love and acceptance was felt; no judgment, only pure love. Then I heard and felt the words, “it's not time. You need to go back.” And I didn't want to leave; my spirit was fighting it. It felt like I was going down, but I feel it was just me feeling my spirit go back into my body. I could see my energy body going back into my physical body and then I'd get the urge of transcending up wanting to go back.

I kept telling my energy body, “you need to stay in your body, it's not time, you can't go back yet." So finally, it stayed and I came back crying and saying over and over I don't want to come back. My friends filled me in on what they saw and heard with me being out of my body and they looked like they saw a ghost. Lol!

Young mother has OOB and conversation with being during surgery

Even now almost 15 years later, hardly a day goes by that I don’t think about my experience of going to the other side during surgery. I’m frustrated and I have been searching for answers. 

I was devastated when my father passed away and grieved his death for at least two years. During this time, I started having thyroid problems and found out I had a follicular cell tumor. It was a struggle to get good medical care and I remember when I finally went to the hospital for the surgery, I was lying on the table and the last thing I remember seeing was my female doctor looking over my face. And I remember thinking that I was surprised to see her because it was Dr. Kaplan who is doing the surgery. I found out later she was shocked that I knew she was in the surgery room. I guess she was just watching or observing because she said I should’ve been completely out by the time she got into the surgery room. 

What I remember about leaving my body was that I found myself in this space that was enveloped with white soft light. I felt like it was a room but there were no walls or floor. There was this table and it had a chess game board set up on it. It seemed like a long banquet table. There was some being in my left periphery but it was like I couldn’t see who was there and I couldn’t move my head and I don’t remember that I even tried to move my head. I just knew it was not going to work looking at this beach but I could see out of my right eye. I remember arriving to this space heavy hearted and weary, feeling like I had just finished a long journey.

One of the most frustrating things is I can’t remember the full conversation. I know it was clear when I woke up on the gurney table but it faded and only certain parts stand out. I remember this being asking me about my young daughter who I loved with all my heart. This seems to be the beginning of the conversation because I felt like I didn’t want to go back. I felt like I had done enough and I could leave and I was being asked about my daughter.  I remember saying that she had a really good father and for some reason I felt that that would’ve been enough for her. She was closer to her dad than she was to me.

And from there I know other issues were discussed. But the part of the discussion that stood out in my mind was being told me there was going to be another baby but I didn’t associate that for myself. I thought that would be something in our family. I remember this discussion made me feel maternal and the kind of feelings of love for your child and at that point once those feelings were restored in me that’s when I was sent back.

The next thing I knew I was gasping for air and I sat up on the gurney table. I was in the recovery room and all the tubes and IVs and things had been taken out of me and my table was pushed up against the wall. I felt hot all over and tried to talk because I had to pee. Dr. Kaplan, who had done my surgery, was nearby and came running over. He was trying to get me a bed pan or something but I ended up peeing all over myself. This was very strange to just be pushed off on a table like that.

I was disorientated and I think I was talking about where I had just been, you know kind of like how somebody would say, oh I just came from that store over there and I was talking to someone. Dr. Kaplan was not interested. They got me moved into a regular hospital bed and room. My skin felt like it was burning. I remember it felt like every nerve in my body was shaking, like my spiritual being could not adjust to living in this frequency zone. I got out of bed and tried to splash water on my face and wipe water on my arms and legs because I just felt like I was on fire everywhere. I remember feeling like I was tricked into wanting to come back to this place like this being got me to think about a happy moment for a second which enabled my path back to my body but really, I was back in hell.

The doctor told me people don’t act like this after they have thyroid surgery and my female doctor sent me to talk to a therapist but luckily, I had a good therapist and we worked on some of the things that had surfaced from the stress of my surgery. I kept thinking that who I had talked to must’ve been a good being, but she said we don’t know that. Things were OK for a while but then they got much worse.

The anxiety experience was at a level I had never dreamed possible. I had to walk around in circles in my house just to wear myself out and try not to think. I had several visits from the other side; on some occasions I heard angelic music and I could feel a presence nearby that comforted me.

One of the most perplexing experiences was seeing letters spelled out to me while I was asleep or in some kind of sleeping state and letters were spelled out one at a time and it was the word Grayson. I don’t recall ever hearing or seeing this word before but ever since then I see that word quite frequently and I’ve always wondered what it meant. That’s why when I was looking on YouTube and I saw the near-death experience videos I went to this website. [Bruce Greyson was one of the founders of IANDS.]

Time moves forward and the husband that I thought I was married to was not the person that I thought he was. He was such an interesting and intuitive person and I thought very highly of him. He always knew things before they happened and I thought he had my best interest at heart and I thought he was a good father. He’s the kind of person that can hold a compass and it would spin in circles and he couldn’t wear a wrist watch because the watch would stop within a few hours; he just had this electrical essence about him. In 2007 my daughter Zoey was born and we seemed like a happy family.

In 2010 my husband started letting me in on more things that were happening I guess in his head. He told me that he communicates with this blue light and he called it blue dude and that’s the entity that gave him a lot of information and he always talked about how it all worked with this point system. He even Took pictures of me and my oldest daughter with lights around our head and a whole bunch of other pictures of lights that he was able to photograph. He said it’s how energies move around, that they are entities and they call it riding the light. I was very interested in all of this but it turned very dark.

There is so much I don’t understand I don’t understand why this happened to me what I’m supposed to be learning from it and what I’m supposed to be doing but I do know I feel like I’m failing miserably. There is so much injustice and horrible things have happened to my children. 

I wish so much I could get back to that space and sit back down at that table and give that being a piece of my mind because if I was sent back to do something I’m supposed to do, I’m going to need some more help.

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