In 1985, I had a fever. That night, I had a dream that I was in a large meadow during the day. I was aware that I had been there before and that I knew what was coming. I am filled with terror. There are other children around me, playing and laughing. I try to look inconspicuous by pretending to just be picking flowers. I duck down and pick a few flowers.

Suddenly the day turns to night, like the flip of a switch. I know it's coming, and I'm full of fear and terror. I look up and I see the giant white pipe in the sky. I don’t even know how to describe how huge it is. The opening is rounded and soft and wide. The pipe as I called it as a kid, looks to be made of a solid hard material and is white on the outside. The inside of the opening is all black and I'm so afraid of it.

I’m suddenly in front of it and begin to float into it. I am not in my body because I have no arms or legs. Just slowly floating into it. There is definitely a bright light at the end and the light is bouncing off the walls as well as specks of sparkling light and also what look like shimmering butterflies. But mostly sparkles of light, floating around inside the tunnel. I am peaceful inside the tunnel and I’m being pulled through it slowly, and its a long way towards the light. I don’t have any more fear. The light looks like a very bright star that waits for me at the end. I feel peaceful.

Then I am no longer in the tunnel, and I don’t make it to the light. I am in a room floating near the top looking down at two cubical-like areas that make two rooms. There is a black solid pipe that is joining the two rooms through the wall that separate the rooms.

The room to the left has a large roll of white paper. It is a big roll, too heavy and dense to pick up. It is in front of the black pipe. I have a knowing or have been made aware that this paper roll is my "life record." It will pass through the black pipe and my life will be erased. I become full of terror. My life record passes through the black pipe and it's done. I wake up in a state of panic. This state of terror seems to cause a loss of control and my mom wakes up and can’t help me, it gets so bad.

The exact same dream happened again in 1989 and 1990, both in January. I was born in January but the experiences didn’t happen on my birthday. Each time I was sick with a fever and was out of school on home study each time because of how much school I missed. I had a fear of death after this because I was afraid that I would be erased. As I got older, I always feared having the white pipe dream again and pray I never do.

I also have always had a knowingness of God my whole life. This was not a God experience. Feeling like I was floating through the white pipe sure, but not the rest of it. I have since experienced things, like my name being called in a loud whisper right next to me when all alone many times, spirits being around me that I can hear and sometimes see. Sometimes my daughter sees them at the same time when we are together..."Did you see that?!”

But mostly I experience pictures and movies in black and white, and in very vivid color behind my eyelids. I have seen the layers of crisscross patterns that fill the open spaces around me. When I'm sick or just don’t feel good. I have seen visions of demons and devils behind my eyelids. But also beautiful tapestries and portraits of beautiful people that look like 14th century. Pillars of numbers. Random people and children. Short movies of people and things moving around, walking, smiling, gasping, good and bad feelings that go along with each image or movie.

I have gone through a tremendous amount of spiritual growth and have a close relationship with God that has released me from my fear of death. I have learned through meditation how to just "be with God." No dialog though. Just being together and the wonderful peace in that moment. I have an understanding of my purpose here and why there is suffering, happiness, sadness, etc. and have peace with why we are here. Why I am here. I also know that I am not doing what I'm supposed to be doing right now in my human experience. Thank you for reading my story and for this opportunity to share it. It is always in the back of my mind, clear as day.