By Anonymous on Monday, January 3, 2005 - 09:16 pm:
It was about 8:30 PM; I had just put all my children to sleep and got off the Internet with my husband who was in Iraq at the time, he was getting ready to come home on emergency leave due to my illness.
I had said my good byes and told him that I wasn't feeling good. He then told me to get some rest. About five minutes after I left my computer, I felt dizzy and started getting light headed, so I went to the restroom and started a hot bath. That is what I usually did when I felt that way; I had had several surgeries that year and had many infections. So the feeling wasn't new to me.
I got into the bath tub and started splashing my face with water. When I took my hand away from my face, all I saw were people. I pushed my way through the people and grabbed the phone that was in my room. (I must have only pushed redial.) I couldn't see the floor or my room, only many people. I remember thinking that I didn't want to die yet. I kept on saying, “No, no, I can’t go now.” I haven't seen my mom yet.
When my mom and step dad showed up, I don't remember going down the stairs or how my mom saw me when she got here. I came to, I guess, when I saw my step dad. I remember them both carrying me to the car. On the way to the hospital, I remember going in and out and my mom saying, "Shelley, Shelley.” I also remember the two ladies that were in my house, whom I didn't know. But when the people showed up (in my house), I felt like I knew some of them, but most of them I didn't know. Two of the ladies were in my mom’s car; they didn't say a word just looked at me when I looked at them. I was scared when I saw them in the house, but I remember that in the car I wasn't scared; I felt comfort.
When we got to the ER, and the nurse took my blood pressure, she rushed me back to the ER room and called the doc. There were nurses and doctors everywhere. They started to ask me questions. I remember answering, but not being heard. No one could hear me, and I was screaming the answers!! I remember getting very mad because no one could hear me. I remember hearing the doctor saying “I don't think she is here”, and I remember saying “I’m here, I’m here!!”
As they cut my clothes off, I really remember one nurse saying, "Doctor, she's going into cardiac arrest!" Right when she said that, I saw my lifeless body lying on the ER bed and my mom in a chair, crying in shock.
Behind me became bright and I saw a hand. I turned around and looked at myself and didn't turn back around. That hand touched my shoulder. When I saw what was going on in the ER and saw myself, I panicked and started pleading to god, to whomever that touched me, “Let me go back, please let me come back. I have children and a husband that need me! No, not now god. Please not now. My husband is on his way home; he knows I’m sick and he's coming home from Iraq. Please not now.” Even though I felt peace, comfort, and complete love behind me and around me, I didn't want to go. The next thing I saw was the room become bright and the light behind me was even brighter. I remember turning around crying, and I asked, one more time, “Please, Lord not now.”
The next thing I knew, I was inside my body again. I looked up and saw the defibrillator above. I opened my mouth and said “Are you the plumber that's going to fix the pipes in my basement?? I’m glad you showed up. Let me show you the problem!!” The doctors and nurses looked at me like I was crazy, like when you look at someone in disbelief? The doctor put down the defibrillators, shined the light into my eyes, and checked me out for about five minutes. I turned to my Mom and said I love you. And I started to cry.
The doctor walked out and after about 15-20 minutes of sitting there, the nurse came back in and said that the doctor would not be returning because he was shaken up about what just happened. She handed me my discharge papers and said “The Lord must have been with you because we all thought you were a gonner.” I looked at the discharge paper and the doctor had put down severe unexplained weakness. Leaving the ER room, I was still dizzy and unbalanced. My mother and I drove home; I remember my mom asking me why was I looking towards the back seat so much. I said nothing, but I was looking for those two ladies. I got back home and looked in on each of my children, and kissed each one. My husband got back from Iraq three days later. I had another surgery two days after that to take out the damaged infected tissue in my stomach and spine.
Another two weeks after my surgery, my husband had to return to Iraq. My children and I waited another five months for my husband to come home. Since my NDE, my life has changed so much I take nothing for granted. It took me right until my husband was going to leave for Iraq to finally tell him about what happened to me. I don't speak about this to many, only the ones I’m close to because of the fear of them looking at me as a crazy person. But the people that I have told never have looked at me in that manner and always want to know more, like my story will get longer?? Or change?? Every time I used to hear stories like this, I used to say “Okay?? Yah, right??“ But, now I consider myself lucky to know what it feels like, and I know when it is finally my time to go, I won’t be scared.
By Anonymous on Monday, January 3, 2005 - 08:33 pm:
This account may seem bizarre, it is my perspective, 9 years after the experience.
I went to bed and fell asleep - as you do - however, I was (suddenly... some time after going to bed?) plunged into a very black dark void. While being in this void I also knew (?) that I was dead and needed to look for 'the light'.
It felt very natural, as if this was the next logical thing to do, I was not at all worried about the fact that I was dead. Knowing that I have died seemed totally irrelevant and unimportant. I was not even slightly curious or interested in the body or life I had left behind.
While looking for 'the light' within this extremely dark void a voice said to me: 'Go back, it is not your time yet'. This is also strange as it was not really a voice I heard, but more like a thought that was running through my brain (consciousness).
After this... I woke up and had no air in my lungs. I had to inhale deeply and then used my asthma pump.
I must have had an asthma attack... or did I? I have not had an experience like this before or during the last nine years.
Interestingly, I have been on a life support machine last year and almost died - pneumonia - BUT did not have a NDE???
The 1995 experience is a mystery to me, but still very real. I was not particularly religious or thinking of death at that time of my life. I was a total atheist who did not believe in life after death.
It could be argued that it was only a dream, I can accept that. But I have to say that it was the most vivid dream I have ever had and it haunts me to this very day. It felt real and true; and when I woke up from that life support machine last year, I knew (again) it was not my time to die yet, even though I did not have another NDE.
Now I have to confess, I have not become a believer of any 'religion' as a result of my NDE. But I have experienced a 'shift' in how I look at life / death:
1) There is life after death! However, this may result in a loss of 'personal identity' as known on earth.
2) Dying will feel like a natural process of life.
3) Perhaps there is a God and perhaps this is what the 'light' means.
Well, this is my story. Not exciting or sensational, but really bizarre for me as an individual. I believe this to have been a true NDE, although not what others may expect from such an experience.
By Anonymous on Monday, January 3, 2005 - 08:28 pm:
I was very very sick one night. vomiting, fever, the most torturous pain in my stomach. I thought I was really on my way. I could not stand, I could not lie down, all I could do was scream and cry and that was an agonising effort in itself. I yelled, I screamed, I wailed, I begged “Please help me... oh god help me... In that moment I felt something touch my third eye gently and I was knocked out. The next thing, I am lying above myself. Three native healers came in a light form. I swear this to you as I sit here now. They mixed herbs and rubbed them on my stomach. One chanted a beautiful deep harmonious song. They stayed and laid their hands on me. They disappeared and the touch again came on my third eye. I awoke in tears of joy and confusion. The pain was gone. It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life and I will cherish it for as long as I live.
By Anonymous on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 07:13 pm:
June 1992 I gave birth to my 3rd child. While in labor at the hospital around 5 am, we had a 7. 2 earthquake and lost all light except the generator lights. Gave birth at 6:20 am. Placenta took a long time to come out. When it finally came out it felt as if someone ripped off a band-aid inside my uterus. I asked the midwife if the placenta looked normal or if it looked like a piece was missing. She looked at it and said it looked fine. The male nurse came in to do the blood test. He opened the needle and the 2nd quake hit. This one a 7. 0!
After it stopped shaking he looked at the tray where the needle was lying opened and exposed, he picked up the needle, ran his fingers across it, realized he didn’t have any more needles with him, and promptly stuck me with the needle before I had a chance to say anything. I assumed he never touched the tip of the needle and that it had remained sterile on the tray as he proceeded with the blood test, but I don’t know for sure.
They moved me to the next bed and gave me the baby. I started to get excruciating cramps in my uterus. I bent over backwards in pain, and 2 midwives came rushing to my help. They massaged and squeezed my stomach/uterus and a ‘mountain’ of blood clots, the size of 5-6 of my husband’s fists came out. They put me on a petosin IV to contract the uterus and stop the bleeding.
10 days after the birth, my friends had invited me to the park for a baby shower. My older children are 6 and 3 ½. Upon arriving I started to hemorrhage. I went to the bathroom and realized that I was loosing blood quickly. I told my friends what was going on, and quickly drove home, (5min away). Luckily it stopped bleeding as I was driving home. My husband came home from work and took me to the hospital where they examined me and kept me for observation for 2 hours. They told me the bleeding was probably caused by a second lining of the uterus, and told me to come back if it should happen again.
The next day. Around 8 pm I started to hemorrhage again. This time I had several blood clots the size of my husbands fists come out. My husband called the hospital and asked if we should come back. While he was on the phone, the bleeding stopped. They scheduled an appointment with the OB Gyn. at [another hospital] for the next day.
The next day. It’s now 12 days after the birth and at 9 am I saw the doctor. I told him what had happened so far. He examined me and told me there wasn’t much bleeding going on at the moment, and that it was probably just another lining that had come out! In the evening around 8 pm I started to hemorrhage for the 3rd time. Several blood clots the size of my husband’s fists came out. My husband and my father drove me back to the hospital. I told the hospital staff what had happened so far. The doctor examined me. He told me there wasn’t much bleeding going on right then, and that they would keep me for observation. I laid on the bed in the emergency room waiting for the bleeding to start again. I called the nurse for help as my body now had violent diarrhea. She left, and I waited. After about an hour I started to hemorrhage again. This is now the 4th time I was hemorrhaging. After I had 2-3 blood clots the size of my husbands fists come out in about 2 minutes, the nurse, by chance, opened the door to check on me. ”Oh my God” she said. She yelled for help and I could hear the call for the head doctor on the hospital loud speakers. The “head” doctor arrived and examined me with the help of his assistant. While he examined me I passed another blood clot. I told him I wasn’t feeling well. He called everybody into the room and my bed was tipped backwards.
The nurse on my right quoted my blood pressure as it fell. I could feel myself fading away, but at the same time I had extremely clear hearing! “50 over 15 hurry” she yelled. I could feel the nurse on my left working on my arm trying to insert the IV. I felt like I was riding an elevator that had lost its cables, plunging towards its final destination, I realized I was dying. Part of me, my soul started floating out of my body. I felt myself hovering about 3 feet above my body, but felt as if a piece of me was still in my body trying to hold on and getting the soul to come back inside! Like a struggle of strength to see which one was stronger, the soul or the body. There was an extreme feeling of peace, words insufficient to describe the feeling. The whole event must not have lasted more than maybe 30 seconds or a minute, and I’ve had a hard time figuring out why so many things happened to me as a result of this event when I didn’t even go to heaven, nor see the tunnel or light? I’ve tried to capture what I felt in this poem.
Thank You God
By Anonymous on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 07:06 pm:
I was dreaming. Then, suddenly, I was pulled into a tunnel - I was moving tremendously fast. I knew it was not just a dream anymore - I remember thinking - "I'm dying, I'm dying!” I moved through the tunnel, and there was wonderful music all around - similar to Enya, Clannad, that sort of sound. But even more beautiful. I had a feeling of complete calm, safety and joy - a kind of joy which is not physical, but spiritual. Words can't describe it, anyway. I was pulled through the tunnel, and there was an area in the middle of it, where there was a kind of status quo - where forces pulled both ways - back, or further into the tunnel. At this point, I saw a tremendous light at the end of the tunnel - some kind of being was standing there. An angel? Christ? I don't know. This being can best be described like a polished saxophone, with light pouring out from all the buttons. These "buttons" were points or light sources coming out from the "being.” Then, I heard a voice, yelling, slightly distressed - a woman's voice - "Not yet, not yet!” She said this in Norwegian ("Ikke ennå, ikke ennå!"). I was pulled back, with the same great speed as before, and was out of the tunnel. Then I woke up. I knew I had been out of this world. I remember asking: "Can I tell about this experience?.” I felt that the answer was: "Yes.” I told my mother and sister about it the next morning - but my mother, maybe a little concerned about the seriousness of the thing, dismissed it. She told me that I had been dreaming of getting a saxophone when I was 16 years old (I had), and that this explained why I saw saxophone-like things. I didn't push it - I felt they wouldn't understand. I knew what I had experienced, that was enough for me! I've never had any "dream" like this later - only this one time. It was not a dream - it was real.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, October 27, 2004 - 06:18 pm:
My family moved in temporary in with my sister and brother-in-law's family. My brother-in-law recently had a transformation, as his counselor stated. Something she said was rare. I was not aware of this. This is also what happened to me just a week later. I didn't believe in God at this time.
A tape of inner child by John Bradshaw was playing as I folded clothes. Something he said, overwhelmed me. I heard the word GOD. I got chills and instantly acquired knowledge. I felt my core. I knew every question I had wanted to know since I could remember. I jumped with joy and happiness. I completely understood the family system. God filled my sole. I was on a HIGH. I didn't eat or sleep from excitement for about a week. I felt like people could see energy beaming from me. My brother-in-law completely understood. We had this knowledge of oneness. A gift, a miracle. God was pure love.
I spent years addressing my inner child and learning lessons God presented. I knew everything was for a reason. Good or Bad. It was hard to evaluate my own self. I could evaluate others. My family said I was brain washed. I felt my family disowned me. My sister divorced my brother-in-law. Two of us was too hard for her to bear. I disconnected from my family members. I think for about a year. I had to be careful with my words with people. It took maybe years to figure out a name for what happened. Twelve years later, I find this site I yearned for. I needed to be validated. Thank you for this site. I can continue to learn and have strength I need now.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, October 26, 2004 - 11:08 am:
I had more experience of violence through my mother before, but this was special. I do not remember why, but in a sudden my mother threw me (her yelling and arguing) against that radiator made of iron/steel. I remember I got out of my body, looking at the situation from above. No pain or physical feelings about reaching the radiator. (After 4 years an artist gave me a hint, that my nose must have been broken sometime before. Then I tried to connect this fact with the radiator-situation. My sister, 4 years younger, was witnessing the radiator-thing. No one went to a doctor with me.)
In fact: looking at me from above I was sure, could decide to be sure, that I would not feel anything about being violenced by my mother from now on. There was a "caring someone" with me above (could not see him, but feel). Don’t know how, but there was a kind of exchange: S/He would promise me to get none of these pains anymore, and I must have agreed to come back to earth having a "mission.” I looked for this "mission" year after year, and could get near. Now, I am a transgender person (between wo- and man), being the only person in [the country] working with deaf/hearing families as a family therapist.
There is a strong feeling, that I discovered my mission, happy about this. Losing the "right" direction made me always feel weak, depressed and physically ill. As an adolescent, I remembered always this mission, but forgot the related situation. I tried to get answers studying theology. After that I was member of communist party, quit and started to learn sign language - leading to my occupation now. People meeting me the first time give me good feedback: They are feeling, that “this is my thing.”
By Anonymous on Tuesday, October 26, 2004 - 11:07 am:
I have to begin my account by pointing out that it is not possible to convey the richness of my experience with words. It’s a bit like trying to depict a magnificent sunset, by drawing it in sand with a stick. It was unique in other ways too. My memory of it hasn’t faded much, if at all, over 30 years. Although it was probably brought about by an overdose of drugs, it was nothing like an hallucination.
I had collapsed on my bed, either asleep or unconscious, but when I woke out of it, I knew it had not been any sort of dream. In fact it was far more real than normal waking consciousness. This aspect is so hard to explain. I was left with the conviction that a much greater reality exists for us beyond this one, I had seen it, been in it. What had happened to me was real, I mean really real, as if normal life is just an illusion in which we are immersed for our time here. Since the advent of ‘virtual reality’, I have found that is a good way to think of this existence. This reality is a wondrous, awesome creation, and it has purpose, but a far greater reality exists.
I did not find myself looking down on my body, but of course it was the middle of the night in a pitch dark room. I had been shooting up amphetamines and narcotics for two days. Somehow I had made my way to bed and collapsed there, totally out of it. Hours later I became aware that I was somehow apart from my body, and I remember feeling with surprise and wonder, that I had known the feeling before. It was before my life had begun, before I was born. I could feel my real self, and I recognized that I was the same self then and now. This was joyous. I was looking down on my life and seeing how unimportant all the hassles were. I could see life as though it were a game I had been playing, and how all the moves were just parts of the game.
Another way to describe this is the feeling you have when you have been engrossed in a really good book for hours, and then you put the book aside and notice the world around you. You had forgotten where you were and what time of day it was, because the story held all your attention. You take a deep breath and notice the real world, even as you reflect on what you have been reading. Well, life is sort of like the book, and having put it aside I could see and reflect on the whole story. I could see every part of my life, every event and instance all at once. Although it seemed instantaneous, I knew that every moment was there. These days I might say that I downloaded my hard drive. At the time, I think I tried to describe it as a replay in fast forward. I know this is out of sync with other folk’s accounts, but this is how it happened for me.
I then found myself traveling down a tunnel. It didn’t open up before me, or draw me into it. I was just in it, and really moving. I’m not sure how big it was. It seemed just big enough for me to travel through it. Although it felt like falling, there was no sense of up or down, just through. The tunnel was mostly dark, but I could sense the sides of it rushing past. I was facing forward the whole way through, if you can be said to face any way without a body. The practical part of me was looking ahead for obstacles on this exhilarating ride. The rest of me was thrilled by it. I tried to reach out to touch the sides, but I didn’t have hands. Well, not hands that I could feel with anyway. Words are so inadequate. I remember thinking that I should feel worried about hurtling along like this, and at the same time realizing that only my body could get hurt by an impact, and I had left it behind. Actually some of the modern special effects of a wormhole come pretty close to depicting the appearance of this tunnel, although without the extra dimensions of reality.
It was a very quick journey. A light appeared up ahead. It was the end of the tunnel and I rushed into it. There was no sensation of slowing down or coming to a stop. I was just there. I didn’t even think to look back. I was in a beautiful place. In everyday terms it was like a radiant, joyous landscape, on a summer afternoon, but it was so much more – inexpressibly beautiful, serene, and delightful, with the most wonderful light pervading everything. Something like rolling hills with carpets of wildflowers. There were many other people there, and they were blissfully happy. I can’t say how many - a multitude will have to do.
I was doing so much more than just seeing this; I was feeling it all with senses unimaginable. I knew these souls, they knew me. They radiated love and welcome. They were like family, and we rejoiced in our reunion. It was rapturous. Although we didn’t have physical bodies, we still ‘looked’ the same, just more complete.
Then a Being of pure light appeared in the distance, and I watched as it moved slowly among us. As it came closer, I remember thinking that I would not have been able to look at it with my eyes. It was such an intense, beautiful white light. A hundred times, a thousand times brighter than the sun. I was drawn irresistibly towards this being. I don’t mean unwillingly. I wanted nothing else but to go to it, fall into it, and be embraced by it. As I came closer I was overwhelmed by the feeling of pure love and understanding which emanated from this wondrous entity. This was by far the most wonderful and powerful feeling of my experience. Nothing can describe it.
This glorious, wonderful entity recognized me, understood every minute aspect about me, and poured love into me. The love was real and immeasurable. I never wanted to leave this divine Presence, but somehow, without explanation, I was given to understand that I would have to go back, and I understood that this was good and right and I ‘woke up’ in my bed, in the dark, thoroughly blown away by what had just happened to me. I walked around the house saying “that was no dream!” It had been so real, that waking life seemed like the dream for quite a while.
About two years later I first heard about Near Death Experiences. I could hardly believe the accounts I was reading (in a Readers’ Digest). Other people had had the same experience as me, and they were saying it was a near death thing. That made sense, considering the drugs I had taken at the time, but I never knew that perhaps I had nearly died. It had been the most joyful experience for me, with no negative aspects whatsoever. And yes, I gave up the drugs a long time ago.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, October 26, 2004 - 11:06 am:
It was on a Sunday afternoon, my husband had been to church that morning and felt God calling us to Children's ministry at a Baptist Children's Home. My Aunt and Uncle came to our home for a visit and we were sharing with them that we were about to embark upon a life of servant hood by being house parents at an orphanage.
Some time during this conversation, my spirit left my body and went to a very comforting, welcoming light. I experienced the greatest joy and peace, tranquility that I never knew was possible. I was aware of my surroundings and knew people I loved were there with me and others to, but there was no interaction with these people. I knew I was not in body and was not in the world that I was familiar with but somewhere else, whether it was heaven or in the present of Jesus Christ, I do not know. But this I do know, it was a place I did not want to leave and look forward to returning with great anticipation. As far as I know the experience was not detected in my home with my husband and guest so it must have been very brief, but will never be forgotten. Each time I recall this experience it seems as real today as it did 41 years ago. God Bless,
By Anonymous on Tuesday, October 26, 2004 - 11:05 am:
In 2003, I had an aortic aneurism. They had to operate or I will die. As far as I was told, my body temp was lowered and I was under complete cardiac arrest for 61 mins.
I remember that I made a comment to myself about how the operating light could be the light that people were talking about as doctors seem to be working on somebody. I was standing at the background and I was a child again. There was an urge or a voice that called me and I ran off. The chronological order of the events that happened is fuzzy. When I was a child, I had an accident. I fell of a ravine and was found face down in a small creek. That event, in itself, was fuzzy because I was a child. However, it seem like I was transported to that moment in time and I was watching as people were trying to wake me up which I eventually did.
There were several other revelations such as the origin of man, evolution, the meaning of the holy trinity, souls, my past life, etc., was disclosed to my by a voice. Then as fast as it started, I heard my grandmother calling me and asking me what I am doing 'here' and pointed to my mother. My grandmother told me that I should run to my mother because she will take me home, it’s already late and I should not be there. I did as I was told. My mother was looking around, I was wondering why she cannot see nor hear me because I was standing right next to her. I grabbed her arm to get her attention, then I felt a huge slap in my face, I woke up and the nurse was telling me to relax.
Things were happening around me and I was scared out of my mind. The dreams were too vivid and I cannot comprehend reality from what happened. It felt like it never ended. My family was scared and they had me tested for brain damage. The doctor dismissed their concern as just plain old dementia. I felt detached, nobody wanted to listen. There were several changes in me that I often felt confused and afraid. At the present moment, I accept my situation and just stopped talking about it with my friends. At times, it feels like I am floating just above my head. I felt alien inside my own body. One thing I learned is to stop caring and just let it 'happen'.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, October 26, 2004 - 11:03 am:
Was driving east bound on old Freeway, thinking that I might not be able to turn on to the new section because I was too high to judge distances. All three lanes turned left onto the new section and if you didn't turn, you would crash into a barrier that was there. There was no shoulders on either side of Freeway down there, concrete wall on one side, barrier on other. Decided to try it anyway. Right before the end of the old section, my hands went limp, my body slumped over. My soul fell, fell, fell, fell, fell into darkness, the pit, nothingness, I died. Was cussing myself out, thinking I must of ODed; now I'm dead. The last thought I had was "Oh God.” Suddenly was pulled out of darkness, back into my body, which sat back up. Was in my body just for a split second, long enough to make the turn onto the new section. After that, my spirit keep rising.
Was thinking I can't believe this is happening to a piece of •••• like me. Was looking down over earth, could see Michigan. Detroit had a red glow covering the whole city. The strangest noise I ever heard was blasting, or started to blast then, and I took off going a trillion billion miles up into the sky. I came up on 4 different energies with all this other energy all around me. The first energy, Good, moved from up in front of me, over to my left side, looking down on me, facing me from the left. The second, was my uncle who died back 1975, it wasn't his body, but for some reason I knew it was him. The third was my kids’ grandfather who died early that year. It wasn't his body, but I just knew it was him, for some reason. The forth was evil, the devil. These were very, very strong energies. As I was looking up at these energies, with all this other energy around me, I heard the Word of God. Here’s what I heard: ”You are a good man.” "All men have purpose.” "You have purpose.” "White man help the black man.” "Organize.” I started to fall back when all the energies started to line up in a row, in front of me. Right before the last energy, (evil), got in line, it showed it's face. First it was the ugliest, evil looking thing, then it smiled at me. As I started to fall, they fell behind me. Evil was last to fall. Back, back, back, back, back into my body.
I turned around and looked out my back window of the Pick-up truck I was in. The whole western sky was red. I had the radio on and it was like I understood music all of a sudden. When I got home that night, I had to write down what I heard but didn't have anything to write with. I took off my clothes and it looked like I had worms hanging out of my body. I took my lighter and tried to burn them off, but just ended up burning my skin. Then I went to sleep. I'm not exactly sure what night it happened, but I know the day I got up was Fathers Day in June of 1985. I have just recently became clean and sober with the help of A. A. and N. A. Have about sixty days clean. A lot of other stuff that happened earlier, during and after that night, but it would take too long to write it all down in this letter. The first time I ever read a Bible was after that happened; when I opened it, it landed on Psalm 107. After reading it, I knew God was still with me. Thank you for reading this letter and [for] your web site. I can relate with most of the after effects others have, who experienced death.
By reviewer on Tuesday, October 26, 2004 - 11:00 am:
I was taken to the hospital by ambulance with a blood pressure and blood oxygen level more on the side of death than life. I remember going upwards towards a reddish/gray sky, similar to that of a sunrise called a sailors warning. I was told that I could go on or go back. If I chose to go back, I would have to live out the ups and downs of recovery. When I awoke, my ex wife was there and I told her I had died. I also told my doctor that I had no body.
It has been over a year now since that experience. I have had some rough times, but I now have no desire for drugs that alter my mind or cause me not to see life as it truly is. I had taken prescription narcotics most of my life and not having the addiction to them anymore has been amazing. My psychiatrist thinks I am a miracle. I had suffered from severe clinical depression and general anxiety disorder for many years and had been on many medications. My medications now are limited. It is hard to explain, but I can now smell nature and hear nature like never before. I used to wake up in the morning and say. ”God it is morning.” How I say, "Thank God it is morning.” My life has changed.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, October 26, 2004 - 10:59 am:
The event started when me and some of the neighborhood kids were out playing soup can hockey on a frozen pond near our home. One of the guys hit the can towards the shadowed bank and I went for it at a high rate of speed. It happened so quick for as I neared the can I heard a loud crack and plunged under the ice. I guess I went in at an angle because the hole that I must of fell through was not there when I went to pop up. I was in a mad panic. The underneath of the ice was not smooth but sharp like a jagged bent knife running this way and that. Fear and an extreme cold held me for a moment. I could hear thumping through the ice and tried to reach the sound. By this point my chest felt like it was going to explode from holding my breathe for so long (seemed like hours). I found a clear spot in the ice and could see my friend pointing telling me to go in that direction. I pushed and swam with all the strength I had left. Finally I could not hold my breath any longer and it all came rushing out. The feeling was the worst thing I have ever experienced. Like having your body literally crushed.
Then everything went slowly to a deep blackness. I was aware in this place, but there was nothing except a profound feeling of peace, calmness, serenity. Like finding your favorite hidey hole in the dark. this went on for what seemed an eternity, just the pleasant darkness. At some point I started hearing crying and frantic voices calling me and swearing at me! Then as quick as anything I found my self awake, coughing out water from my mouth and nose. An act almost like vomiting in convulsions from my body. My friends were all around gawking at me, save for one of my best friends who had evidently been performing CPR on me. Seeing as I was breathing and everyone was scared with our parents at their jobs. We all had been told to stay off the pond. We all vowed never to tell our parents so no one would get in trouble.
Looking back, this is the reason I believe I cannot commit to religion. As with all the Bible study and stories of near death experiences I had heard about. I felt robbed there were no angels, no loved ones, no light, no tunnels, just a peaceful void. I still think about it and hate to think that there is nothing after life. Shoot, I sometimes think even a glimpse into the proverbial hell would have been better so as to give me hope of some afterlife. I have talked to a few people through the years following that have stated that they themselves have had near death experiences and have never told my story ‘ill the completion of their tale. I continue to disbelieve or feel robbed due to their wondrous tales. I have run across one individual whom recited very much the same experience as mine and we both shared our views that we hope there is more to it then we received . I however hold no fear of dying due to my experience. I just wish to know how many others have had the same experience I had.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, October 26, 2004 - 10:56 am:
I was sleeping, I think, I went into a very deep trance-like state, loud humming sounds inside my head, I was going though a tunnel. It was like spiraling, spinning around, shaped like a funnel. I was being sucked through this. Then there was a very very bright light. At first it was really small, like a dot. Very quickly it got a lot larger. The closer I got to this the more relaxed I was and the light grew bigger and bigger. All of the sudden it seemed like I felt like something really different was going to happen. I was scared, it was a good feeling, but I started to think about my two small children. All of the sudden it was like I heard a voice from somewhere telling me to go back; I wasn't ready. The next thing I remember was waking up. Since then I have no fear at all of death.
I did have one other experience, that I can remember around the same time. I also, around this same time in my life, had a sexual encounter, which I still am having a hard time understanding. I was sleeping, all of the sudden I felt someone making love to me. My husband, at the time, was sleeping next to me. It was really different, but great, it was like someone or something was actually inside of me. Throughout my whole insides. I woke up thinking my husband was making love to me, but he was across the other side of the bed still sound to sleep. As I moved I could feel something inside me just disappear.
That is all for now, thank you for listening, it felt real good to get that out.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, October 26, 2004 - 10:54 am:
I had an NDE at 20 due to an overdose. It was intentional. The reasons behind my choice were based on the fact that I'd had my first Child at 14 yrs, and my Biological Family had Abused me Sexually, physically, emotionally those 14years. My Baby was with me till I was 17. When I became homeless, he went to live with his father. I realized after I'd lost him that he is and was my first experience with unconditional LOVE. I made the decision to commit Suicide because to me this was hell, Earth was Hell, so if that’s the case I had nothing to lose by giving up and cashing my check.
When the drug hit me it was explosive; I rocketed out of my body, exiting out of the top of my head. I lingered only Moments while everyone around me (below me as I was above the ceiling) Panicked and freaked out. I did not care in the least about that 20 year old woman I was looking down upon (ME). I found my self in a wet Cobblestone Tunnel that veered to the left. I was moving so fast, I had lost my Physical form and became a sphere where I could see all around me at once, it felt like a perfectly natural shape for me.
I could feel a magnetic pull (for loss of a better word). I was being pulled into a white Light. I wanted to get there as Quickly as possible, because all of these wonderful, Ecstatic, feelings emanating from this Light. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, FORGIVENESS, EMPATHY, COMEPLETE ACCEPTANCE OF ME, DEEP UNDERSTANDING. I rushed faster and faster to reach that light. I emerged in a sea of spheres. We were luminous (I had illuminated the tunnel while traveling there). We could pass through each other, and it was overwhelming the feelings and thought forms I experienced. All of us were trying to get as close as we could to the location of where all these wonderful feelings were coming from, A HUGE SPHERE that was just as easy to pass through as we were even though I never made it that close. Next thing I knew I was sent shooting back into my body. The paramedics were there, a young male paramedic was wiping my face with a wet towel and telling me to Breath.
I refused, he insisted, till I knew I was not getting to go back. I then experienced a wide range of emotions, Grief, loss, Abandonment, and horribly angry; I slapped him. The other paramedics were laughing. I heard someone say "that's why we chose you to revive her, this happens all the time when People go and we resuscitate them." The young Paramedic was adamant that even though I no Longer wanted to be here, he was glad I was. He continued to tell me that they had no idea how long I’d been in respiratory arrest and without a heartbeat before they got there. But while they were Working on me it took just seconds under 5 min before they used paddles, twice, to bring me back.
Within 3 months I was drug free; within 5 months I met and married the love of my life (married 18 yrs now). I had 2 more children and became happy and felt Whole for the first time in my ENTIRE life. I have always seen apparitions as a child. I began having Clairsentient experiences, then my intuition grew by leaps and bounds. In 2001 I started to have vivid Dreams of me being in a horrible head-on collision. For 4 months these continued, I could see in the dream my head go through the windshield and back again, tearing my ears and partially my face. The engine in the dream was on my lower legs.
At the time I drove a 89 Toyota Corolla. After 4 months and continually dreaming this, my husband went and bought me a 97 Mazda 626; he wanted me to feel safe. I got in to test drive, and knew in that moment I was making a clear choice, Die in the Corolla or live and not know what would come out of this collision. I chose Life. 16 days after the day of purchase of my car, the head-on collision occurred. A Man on the wrong side of the road accelerated in his panic and hit me so hard the rear end of My car came 6 feet off the ground and over the center medium into oncoming traffic. My Hand had been at 9:00 on the steering wheel so when the airbag deployed my hand Crushed my face. I lost 13 teeth total, four reconstructive surgeries and bone grafting to replace the bones I'd lost.
I walked with a cane for over a year because of multiple bulging disks. I was in Physical therapy for a year and a half. The pain in my face was the worst pain I've ever experienced in my life. My jaw was fractured and out of alignment, my nose was broken. I lost my Identity, my Job, Myself. I fell into a dark world of depression and P. S. T. D. I found out through trial and error with doctors for this to only find I was med resistant. Then the visitors started showing up. I had been praying for relief, help. One early morning my Grandmothers showed up. I was questioning my sanity. They said to me, "Did you think that we could not hear your cries for help, that no one would come to your aid ?"
And there is where and when phenomenon began occurring in my life, Magnified increasingly over time. Still to this day it magnifies I don't know why.
Thank-you for allowing me to share,
In Light & Love & peace,
By Anonymous on Wednesday, September 1, 2004 - 07:46 pm:
Many people have near-death experiences, and have been ‘sent back’ to this world. But I’ve not yet read an experience where one person follows another, and is sent back. However, that is what happened to me.
On the night Dad died, I had a dream that has stayed with me to this day. I was in a great concrete pipe, and there was a cloudy light at the end, like a strong sun behind a white cloud. I walked up this tunnel toward the light. As I got closer, I ‘heard’ in my mind that my father had died, but that I would see him again in a long time (when I was about 76). I argued with the voice that my father and mother had divorced. I was again told that my father was dead but that I would see him again. Then the dream ended and I couldn’t get back into it.
When my mother came into my room and stood by my bed the next morning, she said: ‘Mary, I have some bad news’ and I said ‘I know’ but she didn’t hear me. And then she told me that Dad had died.
This dream is the reason that I never lost faith in God throughout my childhood or teenage years. I was told that night something I didn’t know, and was also given an anchor of hope – that I would see my father again. If I gave up my faith in God I also gave up my hope of seeing my father, and I wasn’t about to do either thing! Years after the incident I read the book ‘Life after Life’ and recognized the tunnel. This only served to reinforce what had happened to me that night.
To this day when I see those concrete pipes sitting by the road waiting for installation, I think of that dream.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, September 1, 2004 - 07:44 pm:
Here I sit nine months after my experience and I still am just as obsessed and confused. Here is my story:
In the last few years I have been diagnosed with a life threatening connective tisSal disorder (Vascular Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome) and have suffered many complications and surgeries. Last episode in the hospital was for seven weeks where I was flown to Johns Hopkins, back to Buffalo and then taken to Cleveland Clinic. I was in four different hospitals with a total of 8 arterial dissections/aneurysms. My circulatory system and all major organs were gravely affected. I was in liver and kidney failure. Now the liver failure has subsided, but I still have chronic renal failure, 8 aneurysms in my abdomen/legs, significant spine and joint degeneration and pain. I was told many times, at all hospitals, "There is nothing we can do for you.” I cannot understand why I am still here. Everyday I wake up I am amazed.
At the time that all this was happening I was very scared. I full well knew how life threatening my disorder was, but was just not ready for this. Everyday since October I had been praying, "if you’re there God would you please let me know you are there.” I have three children and am 38 yrs old. My husband has not been very supportive with my needs and I often was feeling abandoned and alone. In January, I went to bed just like any other night... scared.
I awoke at 3:20am and my heart was pounding. I thought for sure, this was it, I was dying. I had a dream. In the dream, an old friend of mine was shown everything about me, the hospitals I had been in, my scars, etc. He came to me put his arm around me and said, "You are beautiful just the way you are. Everything will be OK. I will take care of you now.” He was bathed in a warm light... .complete love, peace, warmth, and light was felt. He was very loving... but I could still tell it was him. He still had his attitude.
When I first woke up my first thoughts were, "Is Jack an angel? Is he with God?” I then came to my senses, "Jack and angel?” Oh please Sal, get a grip. Jack is a tough, hard biker. Yes, he could have a heart of gold when he wanted to, but one of his favorite statements is, "I don't believe in God.” So there I sat up all night worrying, obsessing why I had this dream, what did it mean, and upset hoping Jack is all right. Praying about this to God. I finally came to the conclusion I must have had the dream, because I have been feeling like my husband isn't taking care of me, and I tried to settle down to go back to sleep. It was well after five am.
Next morning first thing I said to my husband, "I didn't sleep at all last night. I had a really weird dream.” He didn't comment or ask me anything, so I left it at that. To be truthful, I felt a little guilty that I had dreamed about some other man taking care of me, especially as this is the only other man I have ever loved. I went about my day.
That night, top of the eleven o'clock news, I heard his name and went running to the TV. They had said he was found at 5 am hanging by his neck by a wire after a snowmobile accident. They didn't say whether he lived or died. I literally freaked out, started crying... I was sure he had died after what I had seen. Again I was up all night, praying, as I felt I really knew now there was a higher power. Next morning I called the area trauma center and sure enough, he was there in critical condition. They said only immediate family could visit. I was able to read in the newspaper article that it took the paramedics 45 mins. to resuscitate and stabilize him at the scene. Police estimated the accident occurred a couple of hours before he was found.
Every day for three weeks I called to check on his condition. I even went as far as calling his brother to see if I could come in and see him, but he hung up the phone on me. So, I waited until he was out of ICU. Not knowing how I would find him, imagine my surprise when I came in, sat down and took his hand and his eyes opened and he waved at me. He had sustained a severe head injury, slit throat, four ruptured cervical disks, surgery and he was still on a ventilator with a trach. After they took him off the ventilator, first thing he was trying to tell me about was "dreams.” I have helped him since his accident with Dr. appts., therapy, and cooking meals for him, shopping, things like that.
He insists he was in four different hospitals... he talks about a plane, and ambulance (he was not in an ambulance), and being rolled through the corridor in a basement (tunnels) to get to "tests.” In this trauma center, all X-rays are on 2nd floor. It hit me after a few weeks... he was describing what he was shown in my dream. I was in four different hospitals, not him... He was taken directly to the trauma center in a helicopter... I was rolled through the basement tunnels at Johns Hopkins (which was kind of spooky and eerie) to get to CT scans and MRI/MRAs... I was flown in a small plane to Johns Hopkins from Buffalo. I was taken in an ambulance to Cleveland Clinic from Buffalo.
I've tried to talk a little to him about this, but it is hard... First of all he had a severe head injury with short term memory problems, he was in a lot of pain, sick... I couldn't talk to him about all of this. Couldn't let him know how really sick I was or he wouldn't let me help him. He had a hard time just letting me help him a little, he is very independent and his favorite statement is, "I don't need nobody.” He sometimes has asked me a few questions about it, but definitely doesn't get how bad it is. Although sometimes, it is as if he "knows.” Although I have suffered many complications, I look completely normal outside of a limp at times when my legs/hips hurt. I know he loved/loves me too... I just don't know what to do. I would never obligate someone to "take care" of me. I feel like it is not right, it is not right for him to love me when I am going to die. But I love him so much. My husband and I separated shortly after this dream... I finally realized I couldn't keep living this way... so that is not the isSal... I just don't want Jack to go through this...
So you understand how bad things are... I have lost the right kidney due to arterial dissection to the kidney. Have had multiple dissections of arteries in lower abdomen leading to my legs, and last time it split up and down both arteries and up into the last five centimeters of the abdominal aorta... to the left kidney (my only remaining kidney) causing chronic kidney failure, and on up at every connection into the aorta... the arteries coming from stomach, liver, intestines, etc. I have severe intestinal isSals due to circulatory isSals there. Yet, here I am still... I tossed away my cane the first time I visited Jack in the hospital, so he wouldn't know. I only hid this so he would let me help him with what I could.
I am so confused... I don't know what this is supposed to mean, what I am supposed to do, and why God let me see this, because although my prayer was answered and I finally knew God was there, I have been in turmoil over loving this man, but not wanting to hurt him or obligate him to take care of me, just because he said it in a dream...
Nine months is too long to obsess about this... I need to stop. I need to understand this.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, August 24, 2004 - 06:42 pm:
I was about 14 years old at the time. I was in bed as it was bedtime. I couldn't sleep and I was wide awake when I looked in the corner of my room, which was dark, and I saw a pinpoint of light appear. The light expanded until it was the size of a human form in which a female being appeared. I was awed at this magnificent being’s appearance. She was the most glorious creature. Exquisitely beautiful. She had long golden wavy hair that seemed to shimmer... Her form was solid in structure, and as real as you and me, but with a glowing light around her. She wore a white robe that draped in soft folds on her body and she had the sweetest smile. Her face was like delicate china with a soft blush... her lips were the color of a beautiful soft pink rose. As I remember, she stood at the foot of my bed, Glowing and radiating Light and Love. I could do nothing but stare at her in awed wonderment, for never in my life did I ever dream that such a fantastic being existed. I was mute with amazement, staring with my mouth agape as she gently lifted her arms and placed her hands palm to palm in a prayer-like gesture, And bowed her head. If I remember correctly she peeked at me above her hands, as they were folded close to her face. If I remember correctly, she had a twinkle in her eyes when she looked at me. I don't remember if she said anything or not. If she did, it was erased from my conscious mind. Then she dissolved into the light and it returned into a pinpoint again, then disappeared.
I think she came to me when she did to instill within me strength and protection, because my life was extremely difficult and I had many tests that brought much despair and sadness, but there seemed to be a force that I could call on when it was too much for me to bear, and somehow I would be rescued. I remember after the experience that I would get out paper and pencils, and would draw hieroglyphics and describe the meanings of them to my Mother. She was very receptive. I also drew spaceships (today known as UFO's ) At that time, in the fifties, it wasn't as well-known as it is today. I knew how these ships operated, and what made them anti-gravitational... I drew a long tube that went through the center of the ship in which contained mercury, and possibly another ingredient, (can't remember what, if any)... Also vehicles that would be used on roads and would also float and move in water... Later in years… I see that it has happened.
I was a strange child, and kids didn't want to be friends with me. .I guess I was sort of odd... My thinking wasn't like kids thinking, it was introspective, inquisitive... I definitely loved nature and would spend many hours in the woods, for my family had thirty acres of land, Pine groves, brooks and little waterfalls there. It was a magical place for me. I talked to trees and told them I loved them... and nature was beautiful to me, a place of wonder and enchantment. Animals were my friends.
I had another encounter with this wonderful being again later in my life. I was in my forties... and in recovery (alcoholism)... for almost a year at the time, when it happened again, but in a very different way.
There was an Incident that happened prior to the next encounter... Somehow I know that they were entwined in some way. I had a very vivid dream one night, in which I saw three wise men on camels in the desert on my TV screen. My VCR was recording the scene in my dream. I woke up with the sense that something important was going to happen, in which it would come in a message of sorts. The next day, I had a strong urge to get a pad of paper and a pen. I also had a dictionary and a spell checker just in case I needed it. Why, I didn't know, yet. Then I felt a strong, overwhelming NEED to write! I didn't know what I was going to write, but I HAD to write. The words came pouring into my consciousness so fast I could barely keep up with the thoughts that came into my mind, but they flowed easily and with no effort on my part. I was receiving information so fast that I didn't have time to question the sequence of words that came through to me. I wrote about the Universe, Vibrational Frequencies and their importance, the power of words, especially LOVE! Which I was informed was a very, very powerful energy in itself and if the wrong scientists ever discovered the energy in Love it could be very destructive.
I was fed this information in a sort of biblical sense, (thee, thy.. etc. etc. ) I was told that there was more energy forms than hair on my head. That the Universe was filled with life, sounds and that there was energy frequencies that existed which were like (for a better choice of words) roads on which space ships could travel to other planets, and Universes. I was informed that we are made up of tonal frequencies and that we all vibrate to a different sound spectrum. For instance, a person's heart might be vibrating to G#, the Bones to another such as key of B, etc. etc. That sound could heal. Creating a vibrational frequency that the particular diseased organ would respond to and start vibrating to that tonal frequency in which it would regenerate itself. The same with bones, and everything else. I was also informed that one day hospitals would not be the same. Instead the Treatment Centers would be regenerative places where, Color, Sound Frequencies, and Music would bring forth healing. That the Aura, which is the energy field around us would be diagnosed... then harmonically tuned if blotches of negativity is discovered and then worked on to bring all in harmony with the body. Disease is first detected in the aura, before it is reflected in the body. There was much more...
Now to the Being. I had a very close friend who had the same interests as mine, which was metaphysical in nature, we would talk and listen to lovely music. One evening we were talking when suddenly I stopped talking, raised my hand to my friend to indicate that we needed to be quiet. I had this sensation that something momentous was going to happen. Then I felt this energy enter me... I began to feel ecstatic... I felt a strong rush of something soooo powerful I could barely contain myself. I felt such overwhelming love and bliss and joy... that I thought I would burst with the this powerful energy... My friend got dead quiet, I turned to look at him (he was sitting on the edge of the couch, I was in a chair) when suddenly he literally fell back against the back of the couch, his mouth dropped open and he said... my God... you're all blue and full of light... you look different... Your face has changed!! I smiled with such joy and heartfelt love for him and all creation... Slowly, The energy left. I will say this... for about a year I wrote, and wrote and I touched people and they would start crying and laughing ... some heard music, some saw the blue light. I touched as many people as I could... and felt their love flow through me to them... and they felt it too.
Well, there is more, but I am tired now and will finish this. I hope in some way I have helped someone, somewhere. The power is gone now, though I did feel some of it today when I comforted a friend... So maybe, it's dormant... .too much has happened since then. But I will never forget that fantastic year. NEVER!
By Anonymous on Tuesday, August 24, 2004 - 06:41 pm:
My boyfriend (now husband) and I were driving home from a dinner party on the highway late one Sunday night (August 14, 1988) when I decided I would like to get some shut eye before the early morning. I undid my seat belt to get comfortable and distracted my husband. When he looked up, we were driving off the highway. He panicked and swerved back onto the highway but slammed on the brakes at the same time. The front wheels locked (before the invention of anti-lock brakes) and the car spun around and hit a telephone pole. Prior to impact, I was thrown against the dashboard and during impact I was thrown back through the car and landed in the back seat. I don't recall the actual impact, I only remember seeing the car spinning. I deduced the rest from my post-accident investigations. The next thing I remember was my husband freaking out about the car and he got out and came to my side of the car and attempted to pull me out of the back seat. I looked him in the eye and said "don't touch me!.” At that point, the pain overwhelmed me and I passed out.
I recall hearing someone screaming which I realized at a later date was me. At that point, I saw a number of cars stopping behind us and the people were all getting out and looking at me through the windows, but I was about 25 feet above the cars and could see myself in the back seat. I saw a police car arrive and the officer got out, come to me and shine a flashlight in my face. I saw two ambulances arrive at the scene, facing each other, obviously coming from opposite directions. The people that were surrounding the car 'looking' were wearing turbans and saris. I felt hands under my armpits holding me up but could not see them. The were telepathically telling me that everything was going to be all right.
Then, I was in a dark tunnel that had no light or air, but felt like I was traveling at an incredible speed. Suddenly there was a bright light that appeared and as I entered it, I was in a beautiful pasture on the side of a mountain with flowers, butterflies, birds and soft gentle music. A light appeared in front of me but had no form. I vaguely recall other beings around this entity, almost like little fairy lights and some larger ones, one being my grandmother, but she didn't speak to me, just gently smiled and I felt an overwhelming feeling of peace and calm. The bright light telepathically spoke to me and let me know that I was safe and showed me my life events up to that point. I felt emotions so strongly while viewing this, but it happened so quickly, yet I felt every emotion. 'He' then pointed to the heavens and they turned into a kind of projector screen and he revealed awesome knowledge of the universe and all within it. I was told I would not remember what I was shown but I recall the dumbstruck feelings I felt. 'He' told me things would be revealed to me when the 'time' was 'right'. (Since this happened, I've had amazing de javue's pertaining to this experience). I was told that I must return, at which point I was looking at the lights in the ceiling of the ambulance.
At one point, a few weeks after the accident, I was being transferred to a hospital for a nuclear scan, the ambulance attendants came to take me. One of them quipped "Wow, you're so light, what happened to you?" ( I lost a considerable amount of weight due to my extensive injuries). I described the accident scene to him and he remarked "Hey, I was there. I was one of the ambulance attendants from the other ambulance, the one that didn't take you. You really described the scene in detail.” I mentioned that I saw the whole accident scene in detail. He then said "That's impossible, you were unconscious.”
That was the first external indication that my experience was real and not a drug induced dream. At that point, I had not received drugs, they were not administered until many hours later in the intensive care ward. Since my accident, I not only relearned to walk (my spine was crushed) but have no aftereffects what so ever. I suffered a crushed heart, lung, all my ribs were broken and crushed two vertebrae. My back teeth were crushed and I suffered trauma to my neck that wasn't observed until days after my accident.
I have since become quite sensitive to light, sound and energy. I often see energy 'waves' and sometimes light coming off of people, especially from the tops of their heads. It almost looks like fire but in colours. I have vivid dreams and have dreamed events that took place at a later date. These events are usually quite personal, happening to family members. I have re-evaluated my religious beliefs and no longer attend church, feeling that it is dogmatic and misinterpreted (corrupted) to others' desires. I believe that energy is the basis of all and this is the true answer to all questions. I have recently given up my business and returned to school to become a medical practitioner. I feel the greatest value to my fellow man is to heal and help any way possible.
By Anonymous on Friday, August 20, 2004 - 08:26 pm:
Because I had a long history of Crohns Disease (an inflammatory bowel disease) along with the earliest stage of bowel cancer, I was in the hospital having a total colectomy (total removal of the colon). The radical surgery was performed due to my own history of Crohns, along with my family's extensive history of colon cancer. About two days after the surgery, I developed a bowel abscess which developed promptly into sepsis. (Interestingly enough, about nine months prior to this surgery, I had had a foretelling dream that I was dying of colon cancer due to doctor error. I took it as a warning; and when the situation came up, I was able to assert my rights as a patient. I believe this dream did indeed save my life... but this is another story to be told another time.)
Subsequently, I was moved to Intensive Care (ICU) where they kept a close vigil over me. I was too ill to speak or interact with anyone. My skin was a funny mixture of gray and yellow. My family was told to prepare for my death, that I could pass away at any time. There were tubes and lines coming in and going out of me everywhere, and chemotherapeutic antibiotics and anti-fungals dripped continuously into my veins. It did not look good for me.
One morning not long after my move to ICU, I "woke up" extremely thirsty. I wanted iced tea with a vengeance! It was all I could think about. I decided right then and there that I was going to get well, go home and sit on the patio in the sun and drink iced tea. The only thing I can say about this experience (this is not the NDE I was still to experience), is that it was as if the fist of God were coming through me, this decision to get well! It was a supernatural power not of my own, so fierce was my desire and determination! When the doctors came into my room that morning, I told them I was feeling better and demanded to go home. Of course, they laughed. I was still very ill even though I had turned a corner.
A couple of days later, while I was laying in my bed in my darkened room, I began to notice clouds of light spreading themselves across the room. Now there was no natural light coming into the room, so this seemed odd to me. I would slap myself on the face trying to see my way out of the light filled fog. I noticed the clock, it was 1:00. Then I slipped out of my body. I floated through walls into some of the other patient rooms while out of my body to check on one particular patient where I realized he would be ok. Then I found myself elevated into brilliant light, blue sky and light-filled clouds. Someone or something was holding me to their chest like a baby. Even though I could not make out faces or forms, I just knew I loved, loved, loved. There are no words for the feelings of love I received and felt. This was no earthly experience, that is for sure! There were also light beings or angels that surrounded me, and they were singing and reciting the most beautiful poetry. As a poet, I only wish I had a tape recorder. I found myself in a beautiful green and flowering meadow at one point where there were people I seemed to know. Ever so often I would slip back into my room, into the light-filled fog, into my body again, and then I would slip back out. In this state, I am aware they told me about my future and my purpose in this life, but in my dense human state, I cannot recall what I was told.
About 6 p. m., I came to myself again, filled with emotion and wonder. The doctor came in to check on me, and I blubbered, "I am so sorry for all the trouble I have caused you and all the other doctors and nurses.” She replied, "On the contrary! You are a survivor. Most people in your condition just roll over and give up, but not you. All the doctors leave your room shaking their heads over you. You've been so ill, yet they find you singing in your bed.”
Three weeks and two major surgeries later, I left the hospital 30 lbs. lighter and very weak. Gradually, I began to recuperate at home. I did go out on the patio the first day home with the iced tea, reveling in it. Mission accomplished! As I would go outside and then begin to get around town and over the next six months, I would often look up into the cloud filled sky. It was if the clouds lowered themselves to me and I could reach up into them. I would become one with the clouds. I knew what it felt like to be a cloud! The clouds would metamorphose on me into ribbons of brilliant color rippling across the sky in shades of first fushia, then gold, green, and blue. It was the most intense and ecstatic experience! Or I would look at a rose and suddenly become the rose, be one with it, fill it enter my soul.
Since then, my life has changed in some dramatic ways. I am still ill with Crohns, and with many other complications that have come along with Crohns Disease. I do not know why, except that it has given me insights and wisdom I would not have if not for the NDE and the illness. I have foretelling dreams, and wise beings visit me in my sleep. I often leave my body and visit other realms in my sleep. (I even went to see my dearest friend on the Other Side right after she passed away from Crohns Disease.) I see things, am aware. I cannot bear to even kill a spider or destroy its web. Life is so much more precious to me. I believe that everything has spirit--consciousness, if you will. All life, both seen and unseen, is energy. Energy is life--it all comes from the same Source. We are all One, everything is One, past, present and future. Time is only an illusion, made up to suit our earthly experience. I have dropped all forms of organized religion and find myself open to much more universal truths. I am content to live with the mystery now. I live with the bigger picture, meditate, read, study, write, pray. I try to live with as much joy in my life as possible, in spite of being ill. I am much happier. I do not fear death at all. In fact, I believe I won't live to see a ripe old age; still, that is okay with me. I can work from either side of the veil.
By Anonymous on Friday, August 20, 2004 - 08:25 pm:
I awoke this morning with a tingling skin crawling headache and a feeling something is about to happen. I called my husband and told him to pick up my daughter and that I thought I was getting a migraine headache. Then I realized what day it was, August 10th! It has been 20 years today that I had had my out of body/NDE experience. Then I felt a sense of urgency to call my brother to see if he is okay.
My experience and journey has left me feeling I have not done enough with my life but at the same time to go inward and keep my family close. But yet news events play such a huge role in my life. It is a nagging and something is coming feeling.
I am going to relive that day 20 years ago. It was a beautiful day except the sun was extra bright. I was playing with my son, Jimmy, who was only four years old. His hair was gold and it almost hurt your eyes when the sun was just right on his hair. He took my hand and wanted me to walk down the hill towards the creek next to our house. I had a sleepy feeling and it was very surreal. It was a butterfly on a stick; he was amazed. I still had his hand and I turned to go back up the hill when it felt like I had been shot in the stomach.
I do not remember how I got back to the house but I was crawling on the floor. I had been spotting and had been having occasional chest pains with my pregnancy. They told me I needed bed rest to keep the pregnancy. The bleeding had stopped, however, and they finally found the pregnancy in my uterus. They even thought they saw a heart beat. I had just been to the hospital the day before and had an ultra sound which finally showed the pregnancy. Everything was perfect. Just the day before, ultrasound was not showing the pregnancy.
It was like an ocean wave crashing, everything was perfect with life, you could live forever, then crashingly I was faced with the struggle of my life. And it was so unfair to Jimmy. All I was doing was trying to have a brother or sister for my child. How could I be struggling for my life now. I had a woman that was hired to help me with housework and with Jimmy, just for the early part of pregnancy. She called my neighbor, Rose, who was a teacher and had been a nurse before. She always knew who to call and what to do. I got in bed and was freezing and shaking and the pain was constant and intense. I do not know who called, but I remember talking to the nurse at my GYN's office and she told me it was indigestion and to go sit on the toilet. I crawled to the bathroom and sat on the commode, but felt like I could not hold my head up or lift my arms, then I could not move my legs. Suddenly I was aware I was back in bed and Rose was standing over me, bothering me to wake up. I could hear her talking to the nurse. She was telling them that I was in shock and something was very wrong. I heard Rose ask me about a robe because I was almost naked; I had taken everything off because of the pain. But I didn't know what a robe was. Then I heard her ordering an ambulance to come as quick as possible to take me to the hospital. Then I remember my husband standing near me and I was on the stretcher being put in the ambulance. I asked about Jimmy and he said Rose had him. I felt relief.
On my ambulance ride, I kept feeling that I was riding on top of the ambulance. Then I would suddenly be back on the stretcher in pain. They were very nice but did not seem to be able to help me. As we drove down Peachtree Dunwoody Rd. I could see every leaf on the trees that hovered over the ambulance I was riding on top of the ambulance, again. Then I was suddenly hearing my doctor’s voice and she told me to hold on that I was not going to die. She said she was sorry I was in so much pain but had not seen an ectopic pregnancy before, but gets her patients usually after they have an ectopic.
I remember the stretcher hitting the metal doors and people running with me. And then they said I have to look into your uterus. I am sorry this is going to be painful because you are too weak to give you anything. There was pain, excruciating. Then I was in a different room but I was awake and they were cutting me open. The doctor told me they could not give me anesthesia, but they gave me something that would put me on a different plain. I felt and saw them stretching me open but I couldn't move or make a sound. I was screaming internally. I heard them say do you see it? No I can't but there is a lot of blood, there's another bleeder. There's blood all thru her lungs and diaphragm we have to find it and then...
I was above the operating table as if to help them. Then I realized I was at the ceiling. Then it felt like I was being lead by a magnet, and I went right thru the wall and down the corridor going right out the front doors of the hospital. How could this be happening? Then I realized I recognized where I was and took the road all the way home. I saw Jimmy with his friend EA and I went in circles around him and could breathe him in. Suddenly I was sucked into a tunnel or maybe the sun was evaporating me, but I lost all control and was going backwards thru a tunnel. I could see light in different colors in my peripheral vision. I can not describe the sound. I thought it would never end until it did. I was in space, darkness and I became aware I had no body but was floating and yet I could still feel the pain. How could this be? I heard two voices and tried to turn to look at them when I realized they were in a form of glowing lights, very small. They were everywhere around me but still they were only two beings. I felt their warmth and compassion for me. They were talking and I was hearing without seeing their faces. They were asking each other if she new. New what? I was a little unsettled then, what was I suppose to know? Where was I? Then suddenly they said to stay there, do not move and they will be right back. I saw them fly up to an enormous building or object/satellite and go into what looked like a glass window and then quickly emerge and head right back to me. They said it was not my time and to stay with the pain and it was a mistake. Again they asked each other if I knew the answer. They were very busy trying to find an answer maybe a formula, it was mathematical. They were looking inside of where I store my knowledge. I did not know it. A moment of feeling I needed to learn, and then a flood of information that I do not remember.
They cautioned me again not to move. How could I move, I do not have a body? Then I became aware that I was in a primal position like a baby in a womb and my mouth was open in a scream but no sound was coming out. I felt connected to earth with cord ,and I could see land formations and water and clouds it was all in black and white with a touch of blue color or gray. I tried to stay with the pain and not to move but then, just like when I went into the tunnel, I began moving, slow at first then faster, and I was drawn into an area that I could see others. I saw children starving and images of people after war or extreme anguish. It is all so unfair and cruel. I just wanted to melt or forget who I was. I remember realizing I was just told that it wasn't my time. Yet what was happening to me felt like my life was being sucked out of me and I was holding on for dear life. I could see Jimmy's face and his golden hair and we were running thru a golden field of wheat. I was faster and he was trying to catch me. Then little by little, he was the only thing I could see, just a circle with his face in it. I was back suddenly into the place where all the unfairness was and starving people and children and being pulled through it and I forgot myself, I became whatever it was.
Then I was in total darkness with gray mist around me, floating. Who was I? Where was I? Then, floating in a white robe shimmering in gold was my Mom. She pasted away just six months before. There she was and I did not even believe this could happen. I guess there is a god then if she is with me. She asked me to stay with her in that clingy kind of way. I told her I had to go back to Joe, and she told me I would have a lot of pain. I do not know if she meant in my future or just going back to my body and fighting for my life. She told me to stay and there would be no more pain. I insisted I had to go. She showed me a toddler, a little girl, and said she would be with me in five years. I did not know if she meant "she" meaning my mom or my child to be. The toddler was standing reaching into a drawer in a large bedroom. Then I heard myself tell her, sorry Mom I have got to run...
Then suddenly I was back in a tunnel with such force. It is undesirable, and crash a cold hard metal table ... pain... what was in my mouth? ... it... I can't breath... tears were warm, running from my eyes... I can't breath... voices telling me to breath... I can't. I am trying... I was naked again... and there were lights I was in an incubator like a newborn baby in my birthday suit, and I was on a breathing machine and then a breathing pump. Finally I quit fighting the man-made breathing and became aware they were breathing for me... Then I felt a warm hand run across my face and run fingers thru my hair. .I looked around for the nurse; no one was there... IT WAS MY MOM... Then sleep. I awoke late that night in a hospital room, hooked up to many machines. I saw bags of blood hanging around me. Needles going into my arms and legs giving me blood.
The next day my doctor came to see me and said I will be weak for a quite awhile, I lost a lot of blood, but was never that close to dying. Yeah?... Right. I could not speak of what had happened to me. Couple of hours went by, when in walked some doctors training some students. They asked me what do you remember? ... You had a journey. I do not remember what I told them, but I was afraid to sleep. Like I would go back and leave this world for good. So I just stayed awake. The nurse asked me if I had a family councilor or minister, they could call for me. So I told them to call Henry, family counselor and psychologist. He came that night and let me tell him about my experience. I drew him a picture of what I saw when I saw the two guides/lights/angels and the picture of the building or place that was too big to see the beginning or the ending of. I could sleep for awhile, but everything seemed to change it is so important to me but nobody else seem to how important it was... life... grass under your feet, the sense of touching and smelling life... kindness and to never take for granted, anything, especially my child. I was back with Jimmy and nothing was better than that. Within the year when Jimmy started school, I went back to school, too. I should just be smarter. I need to learn as much as I can. Five years later I had my beautiful little girl, Melanie, just as my Mom told me. I have never wanted to be away from my children’s sides but our finances did require me to work. I was miserable, and then my husband and I had a crisis. Then after many years, he became to understand me a little. I am going to do what I want to do. Let me be with my children. Jim is married and Melanie is in high school, both pulling away but not. I still feel them right there and all their magic, and mine, too.
By Anonymous on Friday, August 20, 2004 - 08:23 pm:
I attempted suicide when I was in my early 20's feeling hopeless because I was being blackmailed, and feeling there was no way out of a bad situation. I was told by my mother I was given last rites by a priest because the doctor felt there wasn’t much time left. I was baptized Catholic but raised in the Protestant faith. I found myself outside my body as a transparent and weightless me floating above my earthly body looking down upon it in a hospital room. While in the beautiful weightless body I looked down beside my body, and saw many relatives and my mother in the CCU. Two of my mother's sisters were arguing over who should comb my hair. My mother sat on a chair looking so sad.
Then I saw above me, my grandfather who had died when I was probably in my teens. He had a boxer dog on a leash with him which somehow I knew was part of my grandfather's family. He was pleading on my behalf to someone who I could not see as he was hidden, but I knew was God. With Him was a man with a beard, could have been Moses or one of the prophets. My grandfather was looking up to Him and saying, Please... let her at least stay here with me. He kept pleading. Than I saw a review of my life go so fast I couldn’t recollect what I reviewed. I was frightened of my faults, sins and weaknesses but God comforted me and told me I did a kind deed for a little boy once and because of it the boy's life had been positive. He said even to this day the little boy remembers you. (I did not recall this deed in real life.)
Then God asked me if I wanted to go with him. I did not have time to think as at that moment He showed me my mother and her future whereas she would have cancer. I felt emotional pain in my heart knowing she would suffer, so I said no, I want to be with my mother because she will need me. At that moment I woke up from the coma and there were all the relatives I had seen when out of my body. I was so happy and at peace when I awakened.
My mother got cancer of the breast and entromedian cancer at the same time several years later. I remember sitting alone with her on the porch, trying to be of comfort to her. She is healed and it’s been over 15 years since her cancer. I knew it was God's plan to heal her as a gift to both of us and did not fear her dying.
I also knew from the NDE that there truly is a place between heaven and hell, and that place or state of being is neither heaven nor hell but an in between without pain, but yet not with God which is true "heaven.” I eventually became active in the Protestant church again years later, sometime in my 30's when my great-grandmother died, and as she lie in the coffin at the Funeral Home, I felt she was hovering over her body like I was, so I told her I would live her life for her because I knew she loved God and was very active in the church and through me she could live again. Even though I returned to church, I had a emptiness in my heart as I grew spiritually. I filled that void when I went into full communion with the Catholic Church. I began to believe only recently that the reason my heart was empty was I needed to have masses said and pray for my grandfather and other relatives. My soul was crying out for me to help them because now is the time of grace while we are alive to help not only the living, but also the people who left their earthly bodies to enter the next stage of their eternal life.
I didn’t believe in purgatory before this experience. I believe through masses and prayers God will draw them in union with Him for eternity so they can live in the bliss of God's love and presence.
We were not close as a family, yet my grandfather loved me enough to plead on my behalf believing I may be in danger. God rewarded my grandfather for his pleas by giving me time to seek the joy of life He had to offer me, give me more time to change my ways so I too, would pray for my grandfather thereby freeing him from Purgatory, and sharing the power of God's love. Then, as he stands in heaven, he too, can pray for me and our family. The cycle of love is awesome.
Each day, whether experiencing cancer which I had twice, pain, or joy, I see God's blessing. Even life's sufferings can be joyful knowing God is with you each and every moment. I know God uses sickness to allow me to witness to His almighty healing power. I've been free of ovarian cancer which spread to my stomach for about five years now. I am also free of the breast cancer which was caught early. I truly believe God's hand was there blessing me again and again. Each day I look at nature I see God's almighty hand in the beauty of his creation. Each day God rests on my heart, the true joy of life is knowing His tremendous unconditional love for us.
Unworthy as I am, a sinner, God continues to enfold me in His Mantle of Awesome Love. I live my life trying my best to live a life worthy of the gift God gave me and never forget that that kind deed or act of love can truly make a difference in the path of someone's life. That kind deed might also be the weight that tips the scale that brings you to God's mercy where you will spend eternity in the beauty of God's presence.