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Archive through September 28, 2003

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, September 28, 2003 - 12:02 pm:

Back in the spring of 1992 I was going through a custody battle with my ex-husband over the custody of my two young sons. The experience was very stressful for me and at times I considered suicide but never made any plan or attempt to take my own life.

One day I came home from work and feeling exhausted I laid down on my bed to rest. I have no idea how long I'd been lying there but the next thing I remember was a feeling of being lifted up very quickly. Above me I could see a bright blue sky and clouds that were as white as you can imagine. The sun was shining brightly and the sky looked just beautiful. My ascent was so quick I could feel the pressure on my body and the force of the wind against me. As I sped through the white clouds I remember saying, "Please don't drop me". I wasn't really afraid but knew that I had no control over where I was or what was happening to me. I didn't see or hear anyone or anything but the clouds and the beautiful blue sky but somehow I knew it was God lifting me up and I was in his hands. All at once when I said that I started to descend back to earth again at a very rapid pace. Its funny because I never felt that I stopped rising before I started to fall it just happened. It didn't hurt but I could feel the pressure and the wind on me somewhat like feeling the gravitational pull when you are on a roller coaster.

When I woke up I was stiff and it took a few seconds before I could move. I raised my head and looked down at my arms and legs and they were stretched out as straight as a board on the bed. I could still feel the pressure from the force at which I'd been moving and it took awhile before I could move my limbs. When I finally did I just laid there wondering what had happened to me. I looked over at my clock to see how long it had been since I laid down but to this day I remember seeing the clock but for some reason it never registered in my head what time it was or how long I'd been there.

It's been 11 years since I had that experience and I still remember it like it was yesterday and wish someone could explain what happened to me.
If any of your followers are familiar with this type of experience they can contact me. Thank you.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Tuesday, September 23, 2003 - 02:33 pm:

The first thing I remember happening, is that I am all of a sudden outside the kitchen window on our farm. I believe this occurred when I was in the Hospital for two weeks during and after my surgery.

There was a glow from the east horizon that leads me to believe dawn was breaking, but what I remember most is the feelings. I was me, but I wasn't. I was not afraid, and normally, I was terrified of the dark, and was not at all concerned about being outside our kitchen window. I remember I light glow from the window, probably our night light, and I had no interest in going back inside. I could hear everything, the sound of crickets I remember, and other sounds, as if they were magnified. I could look around me, and I did a slow peripheral once around, although I do not remember how. I was confused, because although I recognized home, I knew I was not where I needed to be. There was a feeling almost of disassociation that I can not explain. And I was a child totally bonded to family and my siblings. I gradually remember feeling an awareness that I needed to go " up the hill". I do not understand this, although we were situated on the side of a hill, and up the hill would have been north. I only knew I had to go up the hill. I saw no one that I can remember, I don't remember waking from this experience, but I remember so clearly that once the realization that I had to go up the hill was firmly established, I felt the top of my head suctioned (that's the only way I can describe it) and I felt myself pulled with incredible swiftness and force. I can't remember where.

I did not have a clue what happened until I read an excerpt many years later in the Reader's digest, about Raymond Moody's book, and it described some of the features.

I have had some very strange experiences since, but the one most notable is, under a moment of extreme duress, I had my wedding ring melt on my finger. I still have this ring, and my daughter was present with me when it happened.

I can't explain it, nor my other experiences, but I feel sometimes that I live apart from others because of how I feel about life. I have an extreme desire to help other people who are in need, feel differently about some of the things that are important in life, and no one to really talk to about the things that I consider so important. I take for granted a lot of what happens in an out of the ordinary way, but I still have curiosity about it.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Monday, September 22, 2003 - 10:50 am:

I was in the reserve medical forces (Territorial Army Medical Corp) and had plenty of training and experience of hillwalking all over the United Kingdom. I'd been part of the team that won the UK TAMC hillwalking competitions twice in a row, were prior 2nd and was one of the strongest members of the team. The year prior I'd also walked from Exeter to London (180 miles) in 7 days - no backup. Walking was my strength.

In October 1988 set off early in morning from nearest Youth Hostel (where I'd spent the night) to hike up Eire's Highest Peek. I was prepared carrying in approximately 6 miles a full pack.

Started the ascent along track by side of stream - mid morning. Reached the path in front of the Lough up the stream to the saddle. It must have been early afternoon now. Ascended to the peek, came back down to the saddle and route up looked too steep to attempt with full pack and no rope - checked map and decided to walk along ridges and down at the end where descent not so steep. Into walk wind picked up mist came down and exhaustion started to set in - mid/late afternoon.

Decided to rest a little - used up last of water and few remaining food supplies. Temperature and visibility dropped radically rain picked up as too wind chill factor. I needed to abandon the ridge a.s.a.p. and had to rely purely on compass bearings over rocky steep terrain, with map showing I was in the area of shear cliff drops.

Now, exhausted, cold, wet, no food water, exposed and in a geographically risky situation. I had no choice but in later afternoon to try and sit it out! At first, plenty of shivering but this quickly reduced to nil, as I didn't have the energy left to shiver. My extremities initially felt freezing and this gradually extended from fingers, toes and face, to hands, feet, legs, arms, body, then nothing. By this time I was drifting in and out of 'sleep' seeing myself elsewhere then finding myself back on the mountain. I'd tried the international distress signal but the wind blew the sound back to me and each time I blew it meant exposing my face to the elements. The mist was so thick that the touch light - used to signal, was also bounced back. There was no way I was coming off this mountain alive. I knew it and I resigned myself to it.

I thought that now I was to die what did this hold? If I were to die and there was no afterlife then it held nothing for me - but, if there were an afterlife, whom would I want to see? That person was my Grandmother. She was a devout Christian and I realized that if she were right she'd be in Heaven and that I was far from a state of grace and as such would not be going to heaven if there were a heaven. So, I prayed for forgiveness and that I would be put out of my suffering and I prayed for those I'd leave behind. I don't know what time it was by now and I had made my piece with God and the world.

Then it happened, I don't know how long it actually lasted, it seemed like a split second but before it happened it was completely dark and after dawn was starting to break.

I found myself -who/whatever myself was without a body completely surrounded by a bright white light unlike anything I'd ever experienced before. There was no floor, walls, ceiling just the light. And the emotions - the closest word to it I can think of filled me with such overwhelming peace, joy - Love. Like nothing I'd explored before or since! In front of me stood a person in a white robe draping down to his feet. His arms were outstretched and behind him was a cross - but not of wood, of something I do not know. He looked at me and I was in a state of immense peace, as too he and I knew him to be Jesus. There were no remains of the crucifixion physically on him and I have since learned to recognize his state as being post the transfiguration. I was dead.

Suddenly, I was back on the mountain, dawn was about to break, and I was cold, exhausted, and thirsty beyond belief and famished. Yet, shortly after dawn the mist began to break and I found myself perched on a small ledge over what must have been a three hundred-foot sheer drop. To one side, very close, I could make out a sheep track that could safely lead me off the mountain.

I don't to this day know where I found the strength from to come the 4 miles down and back out to civilization and I still even now have lost sensation in all my fingertips being left only with a continual feeling of pins and needles. I was a pagan when I went up and came down a devout Christian and continue to remain so.

My family and friends couldn't believe what had happened and tended not to believe me or wrote it of as some sort of post traumatic stress disorder. So, for the past 15 years I've kept it to myself, my wife and my mother-in-law (devout Christian) as I don't want to risk being given some sort of a 'mental illness label', or loss of confidence from those whom I live and work with. Until these last few days, I thought I was the only one, or of very few.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Saturday, September 20, 2003 - 10:44 pm:

July 3, 1999 1:12 am. I borrowed a new motorcycle and was travelling at a high rate of speed in an area that I knew well.

I wrecked the motorcycle (high sided) and my body flew approx. 128 feet. At point of rest, I struck my head on a curb. (And no I wasn't wearing a helmet.) I had a serious head injury and I do not remember anything for the next 25 or so days.

I was in a coma for the majority of that time. My Neurosurgeon advised me, when I met him unmediated, that I died twice on the O/R table.

One of my first conscious thoughts after I came out of the coma was to look for my mother, who died in '84. And to look for a best friend, who was killed in '94. I had conscious thought and knowledge at the time that they were both deceased. I still looked for them, and I could feel them with me. I had the feeling of both my mother and friend being with me for several days, then the feeling dissipated.

I often wondered if the feeling of my friend and mother because of the head injury, or an actual life event. Currently, I have strong feelings that they were with me and helped me survive my injuries.

In addition, I wonder if I had an out of body experience and fail to remember that event.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Saturday, September 20, 2003 - 11:49 am:

I had hemorrhoid banding and ended up with a blood infection, gained 150pounds of fluid, died on the operating table, life-flighted to Pittsburgh and unconscious for three weeks. When I became conscious I recognized my family but I had lost memory. I still have memory loss of experiences related to a time before the event.

During the unconscious state, I remember darkness and peace. Following the experience and during recovery I never felt fear...I wanted to get on with my life and I felt an intense desire to do so. I was frustrated by my memory loss...such familiar things as not recognizing familiar people, not recognizing familiar places. Much of this is returning in bits and pieces.

At the same time of my recovery my life was changing. I lost my job...the hospital closed...I was in the process of taking over an outpatient drug and alcohol program and maintained some clinical responsibilities and volunteer roles. I was pulled back into these roles with great acceptance which helped my recovery. In spite of the unfamiliarity I was anxious to get back into my life. My family tells me this was always my style but I have a greater sense of purpose and a willingness to challenge the status quo and to focus on relationships and a central core of values. I am also more willing to resist the desire to focus on money or power and to resist the desire to condemn or criticize. I also feel myself going into depression at times but have through my struggles (life purposes) and engagement into these struggles I can always pull myself out of them.

My engagements are more fulfilling and they tend to focus on helping others. Or being engaged in a struggle that is bigger than me, my family core and extended. I am Director of an failing Outpatient Drug and Alcohol Rehab, Private practice with a range of individuals including a new direction thrown to me...assessing overweight individuals seeking gastric bypass. I am president of the Local Mental Health Association struggling to raise $300 for new center and I am president of a Partnership on Aging, an organization focused on Culture Change in how we deal with older adults. And finally I am helping to lead a task force to cope with substance abuse in our children. These are overwhelming at times, but I have found that my experiences over the last several years has given me a way of coping...mostly through connectedness with the good caring people attached to each.

I have begun to connect with several individuals of faith who are also providing treatment...attempting to blend their faith and goal of helping others cope with mental health concerns. I have also made a connection with an old friend and mentor, a psychoanalyst who is spreading his understanding of the role of rejection in the formation of mental health and substance abuse problems and the need for acceptance in healing the wounds. This simple concept I believe has such powerful implications in bridging the formal mental health field and the core of faith/spirituality. I am just now beginning, through this process to get a sense of a higher power.

Thank you for the opportunity to express myself even though unorganized. I found your sight because I was looking for some material for a radio show I have been asked to be part of in this County...On Death.
Thank You!!!

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Friday, September 19, 2003 - 10:42 am:

I was hit head-on by a large auto. I was in a small compact car. I was not drinking. The last thing I remember was leaving a town, about 8 miles from home. The next thing I remember, it was almost 2 months later and I was in a hospital.

The first thing I did when awaking that particular morning was ask the nurse where I was. I knew it was a hospital. I asked her if I had died, twice. To please check my records, I knew I had, but didn't know how. She explained to me, how long I had been there, a car accident and my injuries. I had a Traumatic Brain injury, internal bleeding, broken jaw (2 places) sprained neck and back, left leg (6 broken bones), right leg (3 broken bones) & and had three operations to repair the total loss of the heel on the right foot. It was first said that I would not live. Swelling on the brain was extensive. Then I would be either a vegetable or permanent amnesia, (I did suffer short term memory loss for almost three years before it was okay). Family and friends say I still do, however, I do not realize it.

The accident happened at night and it was dark.

My first episode: I felt very cold, (it was Sept. 4th), I felt horrible pain, suddenly a very bright light came to me from above. I left my body, I had no pain, I was warm, the further I went the brighter and more at peace I felt. Suddenly I was in a large room. There is no way to accurately describe it, except BEAUTIFUL!! The walls were not solid. They looked like a soft mist. And the color!! It was soft pastel rainbow colors, is the best I can tell you. I could see shadows of what looked like people behind the wall. I stopped in the center completely at peace. I felt a tug, I cried out NO! I knew I was going back, and I did not want to. The further I returned, I could begin to feel cold and I could feel pain again. Suddenly I knew I was back and I knew I was going to die if I stayed. I couldn't handle the pain. Again the tunnel appeared. It was glorious. It was even more beautiful and remarkable the second time. As I entered the room I kept going completely to the wall and I stopped. I could put my hand through it, and there is no way I can describe the wonder and emotion I felt. I just knew I wanted to go in. In front of me, just behind the mist, was the most beautiful thing I have ever beheld. It was a large vibrant glowing peaceful figure, and I KNEW it was HOLY. I put my hand in, I could feel His, I asked if I could please enter. The most wonderful sound came to me; "Your work isn't finished yet". I said, "but I can't handle the pain". Again He spoke, "Don't worry, I'll take care of you". I felt a tug, I wasn't scared, as I left, it did get darker, but I felt no pain.

He kept his promise; I went through the worst of my healing and don't remember any of it. This is and always will be the most wonderful experience of my life. I am convinced then and now, it was My Higher Power talking to me.

I only wish I knew, is there a special project or mission I am supposed to be doing? Am I missing what I am to finish, or was it just to live day to day life and LIVE? I DON'T KNOW???????????? That bothers me.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 09:09 pm:

I was taken to a dark room and placed on a slab. Then, a man came in and spoke to me about my condition. He was dressed in a black hooded shroud very satanic. He said he could help me with what? I don’t know to this day what I needed his help with. He left my sight & I started to look around the area I was in. It was what looked like a mid-evil dungeon. The next thing I know the man returns with a woman and tells me that they can help. And then cuts off both my legs. Puts my body and legs in a box and seals the box. I then watch the box with me in side of it put in the back of a wagon and taken to a furnace and put into it. Once the box is put in I found my-self in the box with flames licking at me.

I then awoke in a hospital bed. 2 weeks had passed.

My last memories were of riding my motorcycle on the evening of May 11, 1997 and then it was the afternoon of May 27. I was in the hospital bed with a broken foot, both legs, back, hand and skull.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:55 pm:

After having a routine colonoscopy, I experienced moderate left shoulder pain. I was told to go home and rest.

My husband became alarmed later as I was having trouble breathing and took me to the ER.

After a work up it was discovered I had a ruptured spleen and significant blood lost and was rushed to the operating room. I knew people were talking right in front of me but they sounded far away.

The next thing I knew the pain was gone and I was standing on a very narrow ledge. I had the feeling that there was darkness and a void behind me. I had on a long robe and my arms were out stretched as if I was going to fly. I had the most peaceful feeling and I was overjoyed that the pain was gone. Wind blew my hair and I felt so cool and relaxed. In front of me was a beautiful lake, the color of green/blue was overwhelming. On the surface at the horizon was a bright silver sphere with triangles projecting. It reminded me of the sunrise. From the sphere a bright silver ribbon flowed to the water's edge. I looked down and the water was just gently lapping toward my toes, my feet were bare. I tried very hard to move forward but I was glued to the spot, I just knew if I could get to the water I would be lifted up on the water and float to the sphere. But try I as I may I could not move my feet.

The next thing I know is I wake up and I am in the ICU unit, having lost close to 6 pints of blood.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Friday, September 12, 2003 - 05:38 pm:

About four-five years ago I developed a very bad blood infection that went undiagnosed until the point I became deathly ill. The illness had progressed to the point where I was in critical condition. I was terminally ill and at one point actually felt impending death and that I could indeed be dying. There was nothing comforting, or peaceable about the experience, as I was not prepared, nor willing, to accept this end game.

I believe that I may have experienced this near death experience, but it certainly wasn't as described by more glamorous and transcendental depictions. I remember lying in my hospital bed feeling morbid and frankly borderline deathly. I became defensive and determined against these feelings and would not allow myself to give in emotionally, or psychologically, to them. I resisted and it was a labored process, a literal mental struggle, to resist these foreboding feelings from taking over my processes.

It was late nighttime and I was very concerned about falling asleep and the sensations that then started seemed very real and very much out of my control. I started drifting, in full awareness, into this non-sleep/non-dream like state that was totally unlike fully awake cognizance/reality. I distinctly remember a feeling of heightened awareness that what was happening to me I wasn't prepared for and wasn't ready to give in to and that I needed to resist with as great of effort as possible to overcome if I could. I was determined as the saying goes to not go down without a fight. These feelings, this altered consciousness, became more powerful -- actually more aptly described as more enveloping -- and I had a very real and remembered feeling of separating from my body just as reported by other people.

I seemed to be floating above my body, able to visually see the environs of my hospital room and slowly drifting towards the lighted doorway and the ward hallway. In this state I knew what was taking place and what was going to happen to me. And I resisted and it took an immensely powerful psychological and emotional struggle against what was taking place. I was not prepared to die. I would not accept it. I was a single father with a then 8-year-old son that my death would have been catastrophic. I had a feeling that it was imperative to get back into my body and to get 'awake' to overcome and offset and survive this ordeal. I kept struggling to resist against the pull that was drawing me to the lighted doorway. The lighted doorway was just that, a lighted doorway because the room was dark as others were asleep, it was late at night and the hall lights were on. They could not be confused with past reports of bright lights and tunneling. At no point was there any of those sensations, or feelings of euphoria. I kept telling myself in very strong feelings that I needed to resist without any trepidation, or halting hesitation to survive. I began verbally asserting my outrageous opposition to what was pulling me and that I was determined to prevail. It was an undeniable recognition that I must get back into my body and to return to a 'normal' cognitive reality in order to not die. I can't say 'asleep', or 'awaken' because these states and terminology didn't describe the state, the reality, that I was in and experiencing and it was very real.

I remember that everything seemed in slow yet perceptible motion and during my struggles this forward progress seemed to have been stopped by some unknown influence. I can't say whether it was my struggles, or my reluctance to give in to the processes I was experiencing that aborted this 'journey', or some other unworldly and never made aware to me at any time unknown whatever that stopped the process for whatever reason, but the next thing I know, the exact moment my forward motion progress had stopped, I was back in my body and wide awake. Sort of.

It was a completely alien state of awareness that I was in for a moment. I knew that I had returned to my body, but yet my spirit, my being, and my non-physical composition (my whatever) was seemingly out of sync with my physical body. It just seemed like my body, mind and spirit were out of sync and all needed to become re-engaged to become 'whole' again. As soon as everything seemed 'tuned' I was fully back and in control and quite beside myself. I knew what I had just experienced and I wasn't prepared to accept it. And I knew that what I had experienced was indeed very real and had actually taken place.

What I'm not certain of is whether my struggles caused the return to my physical body, or some unknown entity allowed me to return. A feeling I have is that my struggles made it become apparent I wasn't prepared, nor a willing participant to what was taking place and the process was therefore allowed to be stopped.

I can tell you unequivocally the process is for real. And I can also tell you that I haven't been the same since. It had a profound effect on how I perceive the experience of life and the transient nature of it and that I don't feel that I've fully recovered in a clinical definition from the experience, that it had a definite medical effect on my capacities.

This was a very powerful and evocative experience. There was nothing surreal, or subjective about what happened -- it is there waiting as a part of and a fact of existence.

For whatever it is worth...

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Monday, September 8, 2003 - 10:27 pm:

I'm a 52 year old senior in Western Washington University's Human Services baccalaureate program out of Bellingham, Washington. I just finished reading Dr. Barbara Rommer's Blessings in Disguise; I was introduced to the book by a study group presentation in a Loss, Grief, & Bereavement class. Your book answered so many questions for me. Although I knew that I had experienced an NDE, I didn't fully realize what had happened to me or how profoundly it had affected my life. Now I understand why I'm not so troubled by death, why I'm not materialistic, and why I'm so accepting and nonjudgmental of people and situations. I haven't been angry in so long and I couldn't fathom why; I thought there had to be something wrong with me. There is so much I'd like to add, but this letter is already too long and I'm sure you've got your hands full. I wrote the following piece about two years after NDE/LTP happened. For a long time afterwards, even a passing thought about the experience would trigger a severe panic repose. I wrote this for a college English 101 class; the assignment was to write about a significant personal event. Luckily the instructor wasn't too freaked out! I haven't changed what I wrote for this class, but I have added a few notes.

Ian Flemming (James Bond) wrote "You only live twice, once when you're born and once when you stare death in the face". Among humankind, the rarest encounter with death is to transcend it through an afterlife experience. Most who return to tell the tale, describe a long tunnel ending in a bright and majestic Light: illuminating, expanding, and enlightening. There is a dark side to this experience that few survive, spoken of only in whispers. I journeyed down this dark path and stood at the crossroads of life and horrible death. It was a significant event, clouded in the mists of the spiritual. More than life changing, it signaled the beginning of life returned - a last chance to dwell among the living instead of languishing among the undead. [It was such a blessing to read Rommer's book and discover that my experience wasn't unique. Finally understanding what happened to me has enabled me to be grateful for who I am instead of apprehensive about being different.]

My journey began as a child of the 50's, born to parents radical for their time. I was raised in a world of beatniks, folk songs, art galleries, and social protest. Such a liberal and progressive upbringing should have prepared me to accept the 60's Hippie Movement as a logical extension of my avant-garde beginnings. My twin brothers (a year younger than me) grew into adulthood unscathed and well balanced. I would have too, but for one fatal flaw, one genetic trait, one lethal predisposition; I was born with a profoundly addictive personality. In the free flowing drug scene of the 60's, I found the destruction of my life.

Years followed years that followed years. Marriages that began with bright promise, ended in pain and confusion. Career goals waned with time, abandoned amidst failure and panic. Children loved, but lost in forgetfulness. Geographical moves from state to state and country to country. Ever seeking and never finding, but always hounded by the specter of addiction. The lifestyle of the confirmed addict takes its toll. It's sad to look back and realize that I've outlived most of my youthful contemporaries. Alas, all nightmares come to an inevitable end. After 30-something years of use and abuse, I was an emaciated mental degenerate, spiritually demoralized and lost in addiction. I was no longer employable, no longer able to fend for myself, and no longer in touch with the here and now. Reality and I had long since come to a parting of the ways.

Alone and despondent in a room at a nameless motel, I prepared once again to escape reality into a separate and secret world of magic and light, with a massive injection of chemicals. [For several years I'd been using lethal doses of cocaine as a trigger to move my spirit onto the astral plane] Suddenly, it was as if I stood beside myself, watching as some part of me seized control - injecting many times the amount intended. This was no accident, and I was powerless to prevent it. I watched in shock and amazement as I took my own life with a lethal overdose. Can the subconscious mind commit suicide? I hadn't made a conscious plan to take my life. I hadn't followed the ritual giving away of treasured belongings. I hadn't said those veiled good-byes. I hadn't surrendered to the euphoria that is part of the last and final decision to suicide out. I believed I was merely attempting one more temporary reprieve from painful reality. But in truth, some part of me was determined to die.

Glaring and fierce colors whirling with insanity...
A violent rending away...
Falling deeper and deeper into the abyss...
No anchor in reality...
No tether to the real world...
No lifeline, no escape, no return...
Doom and terror...
A vast and cavernous realm
Awash with twisted and morbid images...
Madness, malevolent madness...
In the midst, I beheld the Entity...

We humans are endowed with an amazing system of checks and balances that protect us from memories too intense and threatening to recall. Until recently, if my thoughts drifted into this chapter of my life, I would curl up in the fetal position, eyes wide in stark terror... Further details of this incident are still thankfully closed to me - except for this message delivered in a voice seething with malice:
"Fool! Years ago I offered you power, prestige, and position. You could have enslaved, manipulated, and controlled in my name. In your pitiful arrogance, you thought to turn me down, but I've stalked you all these years. You thought yourself on a quest for a 'Separate Reality'. This was my second and secret offer. You bought the pain without the pleasure. Fool! You bought the deception! I had you without having to play out false promises. In accepting the Quest - you sold your soul! You are mine! Your life is forfeit!" [Note: I stood looking up at an entity that looked similar to the Balrog in the Lord of the Rings movie (I briefly panicked when I saw that on the movie screen!) I don't remember fear as much as a desolate resignation and utter hopelessness.]

Was it live or was it Memorex? Was it a legitimate spiritual experience, or the drug drenched ravings of a madman? The Entity's vicious reminder of an offer of power refused so long ago pulled this incident into active memory.
I remember turning that offer down on the eve of my first marriage. I also understood its reference to the Quest. Early in my addiction, I'd surrendered myself to the whole "tune in, turn on, and drop out" 60's drug mentality. Timothy Leary and Carlos Castaneda showed me the way and the "Berkley Barb", the "Haight-Ashbury Oracle", and the "San Francisco Free Press" gave me how-to instructions in vivid detail. Now the Quest to transcend time and space, to cross over into a "Separate Reality", was revealed to be a lie. My thirty-six year chemical trek towards enlightenment was destined to fail from the very beginning... by design! I was left holding an empty bag.

I don't know how long I was absent from my body, nor do I know with any certainty how I was able to return. [Note: A bargain was struck that allowed me to return to my body - by whom and what the details were have not been revealed to me. I know that if I ever return, there will be no second escape.] I remember coming to consciousness a day or two later, still alone in that motel room.

I felt totally despondent over the years of seemingly irreparable harm that I'd done to my mind and body, chasing after something that was never there to begin with. What a waste! I'd like to be able to say that I never used drugs again, but I'm an addict. That's what I do. However, the realization that my days were numbered and the end was very close at hand began to assume clarity. I had to find a way to stop using drugs, or I would die. If I died in my addiction, I'd be returning to that abyss.

I knew that the Entity wasn't thrilled with my escape. I also knew that no power in me could have returned me to life. It had to have been a Power greater than me and more powerful than It. I prayed that this Power would help me find a way to live without the use of drugs.

My body had been saturated with chemicals for so long, I could no longer function without something in my system. Even simple tasks like bathing and brushing my teeth were a struggle. In desperation, I stopped bombarding my system with massive doses of chemicals. I stopped using needles and figured this would solve the problem. But I'd sit for long periods of time, rocking back and forth, mouth hanging open, drooling, and lost in hallucinations. I'd do just enough dope to be able to sit with my mouth closed and maybe take a shower. The illusionary sights and sounds never really stopped. I wasn't getting any better.

I finally toddled down to Mental Health, leaning heavily on my cane. I told them I was really crazy, and ask if they could please give me some pills to make my brain work right again. After a lengthy evaluation, they gave it to me straight. I was in the last and final stage of acute chemical dependency. My brain had been so damaged from drugs, that it was impossible to separate mental illness from my addiction. I needed treatment as soon as possible. I did not have long to live. Mental Health "pinned a note to my shirt" and sent me shuffling down the street to an agency that could help me get into residential treatment. I know that if a Power greater than I hadn't interceded, I would never have been able to wade through all of the confusion and red tape involved in finding help. Treatment would be a three month wait (an eternity for an addict like me!) I prayed that the Power that rescued me from death would please help me live long enough to get to a place where I could learn how to stop using drugs. Through that simple prayer, my obsession and compulsion to use drugs was gradually lifted over that three month period. I had been clean for three days by the time I got my bed at the treatment center. I vowed to myself, and to this Power that seemed willing to help me, that I would do whatever it took to find a way to live life free of addiction. I know now that a Power greater than I did for me what I was unable to do for myself.

I know now that I had what Dr. Rommer would call a type III Less Than Perfect Near Death Experience - in spades! Even though this happened over seven years ago, I still find it unsettling to delve too far into the incident. I've been clean now for almost six years. Early recovery was a struggle with brain damage from the massive infusions of chemicals. I read and reread books on American Indian spirituality - it made sense to me and rang true in my Spirit. I still follow this Way; organized religion seems too linier and controlling. I live life a day at a time, and I'm grateful for every day spent on the green side of the lawn! And I won't mind dying; death is simply a change of worlds. I've taken enough of your time. These first steps in understanding my NDE has helped me to be more at peace and accepting of myself.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Monday, September 8, 2003 - 09:53 pm:

I was in a car accident, unbeknownst to me at the time of experience.

I just kind of popped into darkness. But I felt forward motion. Until I felt pulled into what felt like a book with turning pages. I seemed to move within the book as it felt as if I was moving with the pages. I felt an abrupt stop almost as if someone put their finger on the page and I abruptly stopped and popped out onto a grassy field in front of what looked like a glass structure.

A woman dressed in white appeared. She talked to me very briefly, without moving her lips. She basically told me that everything would be alright but that it was not my time. I felt as if I wanted to stay and hear more, but before I could blink in normal time, I seemed to do the entire travel in reverse.

I popped out above the scene of the accident moving in snapshot like movements to my car. Closer and closer I came until I seemed to crash into myself at the top of the car and into my head. It was soft though.

That was when I could hear my ex talking to me. Then I could see and hear everyone, but could not answer.

When I got to the hospital, I told my ex that I had to call her and tell her that she was right, everything was ok. When I felt this wave of confusion come over me wondering how I was going to reach her. I was disappointed.

The biggest change that came over me was that I was stronger and more emotionally equipped to deal with the things that had previously sent me into crying fits and depression. The most wonderful feeling that I felt was for the first time in most of my existence was a lack of fear and the freedom I felt when I was free of my body.

I had always believed in God as a child, but had become distant toward the heavens because life had dealt me quite a few blows. But from that time on, I felt as if someone were listening to me. I talked to God more. In time, I felt his guidance through some troubling times.

Subsequently, when I cleared up alot of old baggage, my sense of knowing kicked in. I once even did what would be the equivalent of a spontaneous psychic reading on a coworker, and his girlfriend at the time. I told him alot about himself and his relationship and how the two of them interacted and some very personal things including the fact that he was once more spiritual, that I could see it in him. But that he needed to get in touch again and get married because he felt he was doing wrong by living with his girlfriend. I stressed several times that they had the capability to be the best of friends and the worst of enemies. They were both amazed and I was more than amazed, as I felt as strange about it as he did.

There were several occasions that my intuition would kick in and I would have dreams. When my current fiancée couldn't remember what cigarettes his Dad had smoked in life, I looked at his Dads picture and said, "Pall Malls?". Warnings of car impending car accidents and deer warnings. Not an everyday occurrence, if anything it felt more on an as needed basis.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, September 7, 2003 - 07:08 pm:

My family and I were going to drive to my dance studio on Labor Day to prepare for the new dance year beginning the following day.

My husband and I decided to take our 3-year-old, out of the car seat and onto the regular car seat since the law says they don't need to use a car seat when they turn 4. He was to be 4 in 10 days. We buckled him in the back seat center. My other son age 12 and daughter, age 9 were fighting as per usual over who would sit in the seat behind daddy. My daughter made it there first.

It was a dark and rainy day and as we drove. I yelled at my husband for speeding. He pointed out the window at the speed limit sign and said, "I'm going the speed limit. 55." and then pointed to the speedometer. It seemed like he was speeding since the roads were wet and there was excess traffic on the road.

Without notice a white van/truck from the opposite lane came at us and then in front of us to take a left turn. She drove even faster when she realized that she was about to hit us. She probably figured she'd try to out run the accident by hurrying.

I saw her at the last second and went into some kind of shock. My husband said I screamed "NO!"
(I don't remember) and literally one millimeter of a second before impact my eyes were filled with a light white yet lime greenish light. It was virtually a second. It was confusing but didn't seem "unfamiliar". It wasn't brilliant or blinding or completely white. The color had lime in it. At impact I felt my husband's arm come across my chest to protect me. (Later at the hospital, I was so grateful that I was alive and so was he so that I could tell him that I felt that arm. It was comforting and will forever remain in my memory) I bounced around like a rag doll and forgot where I was and why I was flopping all over. I felt no pain and at the end I bounced up to the top of the car and when I did, I knew with every ounce of my being without a question that this was my death. I smiled. Not out of happiness but I think it was out of shock, as I knew that this is how it feels to die. It was pure helplessness and shock but somehow I smiled slightly. I'm not sure I thought of it then but I THINK I thought that dying wasn't painful. It was so easy how one can die so quickly without notice that it was..."acceptable".

Our car was totaled. It was a severe impact. The smell of smoke smelled like death. The sound of the crash was almost demonic. To see the car now one would say, "It's a miracle you're alive."

When we arrived at the hospital my husband who suffered only a fractured hand said "just before the impact I saw a light". My jaw dropped and I began to cry. We compared lights and he saw the exact color light I saw. Claimed it was somewhat comforting. BUT what blew me away was then he told me that our daughter, who was unconscious at the scene, had a concussion and a fractured leg, told him when she got to the hospital
"Daddy right before we crashed I saw a light."

That light saved us all. Our 3-year-old son, who was taken out of his car seat, had a tiny bruise on each hip. Had he been in the car seat, he would have surely fell forward as it was a cheap car seat and been killed on impact on the middle dash. Our eldest son who did not see the light had bruises from his seat belt. I suffered major knee injuries but nothing severe.

We all made it home that very night to have pasta and say grace together as a family as we always have. It was a miracle.

That light stays with me. It overwhelms me and we all believe it was God's light.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Friday, September 5, 2003 - 09:30 am:

After several months of on-going medical testing and conservative treatment for a spine disorder, I underwent major reconstructive surgery to my lower spine in July of 1998.

At this time I was convinced that I had become a complete burden to my family and my surgeon had explained to me that my recovery would be quite lengthy and I was very distressed by this. I had experienced several other surgeries in my past but I remember feeling very apprehensive about this one.

As I was kissing my husband before entering the operating room, I recall a feeling of deep fear. My surgery proceeded without incident but the nursing staff reported to my husband that they had a great deal of difficulty awakening me from the anesthesia.

Later on that evening my husband said that my respiration’s stopped and the alarm was going off. I was at the end of the hallway and the nurses did not hear it. He had to run down the hallway to the nurse’s station and got a nurse.

I recall walking at a normal pace down a tunnel with a bright light ahead and beautiful orchestrated music. I could also see a field of water-colored flowers that were swaying along to the music. There were to my left in the tunnel three distinct mountains that were only black. To my right I could see the outline only of what seemed to be a little boy motioning with his hand for me to come toward him. I tried to walk faster to reach him and my feet seemed to become heavier and heavier with each step. At that moment I knew that the little boy was my child that I had miscarried several years earlier and was never told by the Dr. what the sex of the fetus was. The harder I tried to reach him the heavier my steps became. Suddenly I awoke and it was over.

My husband said that the nurse had given me an injection in my juggler vein to initiate my respirations. She said that the narcotic dosage given to me after surgery for pain was administered to high and had stopped my breathing. For several days after that my husband was afraid to leave my side for fear that I might stop breathing again.

There is no one that can understand this unless they have had a similar experience. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share this with you

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Tuesday, September 2, 2003 - 06:33 pm:

1. Driving across long causeway (over an area of Open Ocean), fell asleep at the wheel (had worked an overnight shift in a bank). The car veered to the right and hit a guardrail. As the car flipped over (repeatedly), I noticed that I was 'hovering' around the ceiling of the car, watching my body as it crashed around with each time the car rolled over. I watched in an extremely calm, serene state of mind. I also had a review of hundreds of life events, and each one offered a sense of profound insight.

2. The next six months, I was obsessed with a need to explore spiritual areas, and read many books on religion, Christian, Hinduism, all kinds of spiritual type books. Also read many books on quantum mechanics and physics. Learned how to meditate, and did so twice daily.

3. In one meditation experience, I had a profound experience, very much like the experience described by those who have 'crossed over'. I left my body, (actually looked down and saw what the top of my head looked like). Soon the experience of being engulfed by an indescribable light that consisted of pure love and acceptance happened and I was in that place for what seemed like 30 to 40 minutes. During this time answers to questions about the meaning of life etc were given to me but in a kind of incomplete manner. I was told that I could not be given all the knowledge yet since I still was 'living the human life'... I also felt that for the entire 40 minutes my need to breath ceased ... anyway the experience was so profound and earth shattering that I lived in its presence for weeks after. I described it to my mother, and I think she thought I was crazy (although she didn't say so).I know I had the 'near death' experience during this intense meditation session, even though I was not 'near death'. Is this possible? I was under a lot of emotional stress at the time, I realize that. Somewhere I was given this experience when I most needed it. And as others have said, the experience is NOT like anything we normally experience as humans. I saw colors so incredibly ‘alive’; they were not within the range of normal human senses. The whole experience made me see that our human senses are 1/1000 of what the spiritual world offers.

Anyway I do not want to ramble, but it is 24 years later, and I know it was the most profound thing that has ever occurred to me.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Tuesday, September 2, 2003 - 06:24 pm:

First of all, I had more the one NDE, but this is the strongest experience. This is the only one that happened during influence of mushrooms, but in my opinion it was a lot more then just that influence. In my life I used mushrooms 3 times, and I smoked weed for about 2 years. My parents didn’t have religious believes, almost atheist, although that’s different now due to other things that happened. Maybe that’s relevant information to you.

It all happened in a period of my life that I quit school, moved to an other town, only felt negative energies around me, because at that time my 'spirit' (or whatever it is) lived in bad vibes. I was very aware of this 'higher dimensional environment' I was living in. I kinda decided that I didn’t want to flow between these realities, and in my inside I was screaming all the time; why am I here? Show me something! Tell me why I feel there’s more?

This all sounds very depressing and it kinda was; but I always had some kinda peace inside me saying that it was alright to suffer now, I could learn from it, and in the end everything will be alright. That feeling made me think I was crazy or schizophrenic, but it turned out to be very guiding :-)

When I had the experience:
I was sitting on the bank observing and experiencing all kinda vibes that were in the room and I felt they were the entrance to other realities and DEFINITELY no projection of my imagination. Suddenly I was thinking: what does it all matter? I want to go there now, experience something else...
In a flash I felt/see my whole being and what it has experienced till then. Maybe some kinda of a slideshow, but actually it was more like a feeling. The next thing that happened, was that I felt powerful ethereal tornado's, which in a flash made me feel like I was making a free fall, that took me with them.
Then I had to look twice to believe what I saw: I was standing beside the tornado like energies and....I was looking at my self sitting on the bank! My skin was death-like white, I seemed dead. This scared me a lot. In the mean time a GIANT wormhole or tunnel appeared to me where I could go into.
All the time there was a being with me, I realized that it always had been with me! But it was disappointed in me. I had the choice to go into that tunnel, but I felt my life would be a failure if I had chosen to do that. Then in a flash I got REALLY scared of the situation and felt the tragedy in this all. I cried inside my self really hard and had a lot of regret and shouted I wanted to do the right thing and go back.

Suddenly I was looking straight ahead to the wall...I was in my body again. My eyes must have been as wide open as they could, so it felt.

(((I lived in an apartment at the first floor (1 level up that is, not sure if first floor means; 1 level up) and the people that lived on the other side of the road could look into my apartment.)))

The last thing I remembered in my body, it was afternoon or so and there was light. When I got back into my body it was getting dark so a lot of time must have past. Thereby, the people across the street were standing in front of the their window, looking at me, as if they were looking at me for quite some time.
For some strange reason, when I looked at them when I got back, I could hear what they were saying (!) : (woman): Should we call an ambulance? or the police? (man): no, relax, he looks fine now, you see?

This experience was a turning point in searching for realities without any reference of limits or borders. It made me aware that not anything can be done, things can go wrong if you just do things without respect for life. I have to follow the positive signs in helping not only myself but also others in being aware of life. And not only that, also just to BE there for others.

I could go much more into detail, but I want to keep this story a bit compact. Also I had more NDE's that are quite interesting too.

Now I go to school, I’m in the final class VWO (that means in English: preparing scientific education) high school. At the same time I study at SAE, which is an audio engineering technology school.

Although my English isn’t very good, I hope I was clear with my story. Anybody is free to contact me about this.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Friday, August 29, 2003 - 05:19 pm:

At 10 years of age, became very ill with "unknown" blood disorder. Was at home, and in and out of awareness. Doctor came to home to check on me. Heard him tell mother I was gravely ill and he didn't know what else to do for me.

Remember my mother calling to me to come back and then going through a dark place toward a lighted place. When I reached the lighted place my grandmother, who had died about 1 1/2 years previously, and with whom I was very close, was there. She hugged me and I remember what a beautiful meadow, with trees and water behind them it was. Also, what a feeling of love and peace from those who were there...some I knew and others I didn't "know", but knew loved me. I was not frightened at all. To one side in this meadow there was like a white light, so bright that I remember thinking that it should hurt to look at it, but it didn't hurt me when I did look at it. I felt such peace, happiness and love from this light. Then I remember my grandmother telling me that "it isn't time yet, you have to go back now"...I didn't want to come back and told my grandmother this but she said again "you have to go're not through yet".

I then heard my mother crying from far away...and I remember coming back through the dark and my mother was over me yelling, "don't go...please come back"...and I opened my eyes. Since this time I have no fear of "death" because I know there's another place to go to that is beautiful, peaceful and surrounded by love.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Friday, August 29, 2003 - 05:13 pm:

I was on a motorcycle at about 90mph in a two-lane road when out came a car from my right side and in front of me. I went from the right lane to the left lane as fast as I could and then realized that so did the car. As I applied the brakes there was a sprinkler on which was spraying half the road and I was on that half. The bike didn't slow down at all and somehow did not even fall over. It just stayed its course. At this point I was sure I was going to die.

That’s when I felt myself float away at about 15 feet to the right and close to the ground looking at myself on the motorcycle about 5 feet from the rear bumper of the car I was about to hit. As I see myself I notice that behind my head was my life flashing in fast motion backwards. I was able to focus on that and can remember some but most of all I remember seeing myself as a baby being held by a woman, I'm assuming is my mother. Then actually seeing through that baby’s eyes what seemed to be what it first saw when those eyes opened up after birth. At that point I was then back on my bike and saw the car in front of me with my headlights shining on the rear of the chrome bumper.

As I was just about to hit I felt myself being lifted to where I was almost standing up. Then from the impact I was going forward, which all seemed like slow motion. I saw and felt my head going through the rear windshield. That's when everything turned black and I felt myself floating. I was able to open my eyes to see but couldn’t make out what was in front of me. Then I looked down at myself to see if I was in one piece and noticed I couldn’t see myself but what I did see was a shadow of myself with my arms to my sides but up. As I was looking at myself I noticed I was not alone. All around me were other shapes very similar to mine and others different all moving forward. So I looked to see where we were moving to and that’s when I saw this very bright light far away. I seemed to be in some sort of ray of light going in its direction. When I saw this light the most peaceful feeling came over me that can never be described in human words. All I wanted to do was go to the light. What seemed so far away I reached in less than a second without the feeling of movement. As I was about to go into the light with even a more wonderful feeling, I noticed something below me and to the right. As I glanced over I noticed it was my mothers father who died years earlier looking at me waving his arms in a do not enter movement so I stopped in my tracks, like superman can do in his movies, and stared at my grandfather. I can't remember if he was trying to say something or not but I did not hear anything. I just knew he was telling me to stop.

That’s when my vision became very bright and white but my eyes stayed open. Then my body felt different, like my weight was back. It seemed like I was trying to close my eyes from the brightness but I was actually opening them. I remember feeling very confused about that but then my eyes opened and I saw that I was sitting on top of a car which was moving with my legs straight out and my upper body was in an upward position (sitting) with my back completely erect and my arms to my sides holding my self up. When I saw this I tried to move but could not for a couple of seconds then slowly I could. Without questioning my self, I jumped off the car and slid into oncoming traffic watching cars swerve around me. Then I stood up and saw the bike I crashed about 80 yards away.

I don't have any questions but any comments about my experience would be great. I just saw the DVD movie "Final Destination 2" and learned of "IANDS". I've told a few people about this but to be able to share this with some people that might have had similar experience feels pretty good.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Monday, August 25, 2003 - 12:51 pm:

During surgery on my knee I had a bad reaction to the meds they gave me that caused my heart to stop and for them to inject me with some other meds.

During this time, I remember seeing my knee in the brace with the tubes and medal things sticking out of it. And I heard a voice that told me to calm down or I was going to choke on the vent tube. My eyes were taped. I saw my eyes taped. How did I see my knee? The ladies voice was that of my great grandma.

There are so many different things I’d like to talk to someone about. So many things that I am unable to describe. Things that have troubled my mind and made me wonder about things. I have alot of questions and I’d like to have some answers.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, August 24, 2003 - 05:29 pm:

My family owned a farm in NW Louisiana. They were burning off the fields getting ready for the spring planting season, March 19,1958. I was 5 years old and joined my older brother in the field. The grass was burned black and no fire was there so I sat down on the ground. I did not see the cinders that were still there. It hit my petticoat and ignited. I ran through the horse pasture and my brother tried to save me. One of my most vivid memories was seeing him cover his face against a huge oak tree, crying, unable to put me out and giving up on me. My mother was in the house with an infant son and looked out because of the screaming. She ran to me, jumping a 6-foot fence, rolled me and put me out burning her hands. I was conscious and very calm.

I was taken by ambulance and remember being in the ER with people scrambling and hovering over me frantically administering care. I remember not feeling any pain. I blinked my eyes and when I opened them (just that quick) the light was burning my eyes because it was so bright. I still could see the people in silhouette because the light was behind them. It was then permeating everything. I describe like living in a fluorescent light bulb and everything is brilliant and giving off like that light bulb. It is like being on the inside of the bulb and the light going right through you, coming out of you, etc. I could not see for the brightness. I complained to the people around me (I thought were doctors and nurses) that the light was bright and to turn it off. I kept asking them "how can you see?" I was looking through my eyelashes and one of them said "it would be alright in a minute, I would adjust to it." The light was replaced by a soft glow. This glow was more indirect light. It was pink and gold in nature. It was warm and loving. It is similar to the light you get at sunset and at dawn. Since early childhood my parents would find me at dawn outside and sometimes I would make my bed outside on the ground in order not to miss the sunrise.
I have the urge to be outside at sunset as well. I think it is because I am trying to find that light again.

The first thing I felt was unconditional love and acceptance. No judgement existed there. I felt so nurtured and loved as if I was being held up close to someone. It was the most wonderful feeling. Every thought was known to "them" before I even was aware of it. It was that fast! I was known by them as well as I know myself. They were beautiful beings. No wings. Just beautiful faces. Looking back they appeared to be male but I thought of them as asexual beings. Words were not needed. Every thought was instant. We did not need to speak. I did speak however later. I would use my voice. I acted like the child that I was at that time after I was into the experience. I knew that if I wanted to stay I would and could. I did not speak this out loud though. I knew I was there and enjoying it but that I could return. I discovered "they" were protecting me during the healing process my body was in. I was taken out of the pain and was told "to think of this as hibernation, and like the animals that sleep during the winter I would wake up to play in the spring again". I was the one who told them it was time for me to go "play in the sunshine" again. They entertained me. I played with other children that I feel more connected to than my own siblings. They are not in this earthly lifetime with me. I knew them intimately however and they are connected to me in some way more so than the people on this side.

I knew that there was a thin curtain between my family and the life I have here, and the one there. The people here can not see through it but we could see through it from the other side. Much like a 2-way mirror works. In the ER I had lapsed into a coma. I awoke one month later on April 19 (my 6th birthday). It was one of many such experiences. I tended to go into cardiac arrest due to my blood volumes and infection. Tolerances to large amounts pain medications required them to up dosages that put me at high risk for procedures.

I knew that I was destined to return. I knew I had a purpose to fulfil. I knew that I was not ordinary and a little out of step from other people. I did not know that this was not a common experience and that this did not happen to everyone. I grew up just assuming everyone knew about this. I never doubted the experience or question it. I know I survived for a reason.

There are other experiences too. I underwent cardiac arrest for 2 1/2 minutes during skin grafting. During this time my mother was visited by a being that others explained away to her because she was on medication for the burns to her hands. She held a conversation with this being about me. I do not come from a religious family. They tend to be a little skittish about such things. Members of my family, perfect strangers on the street, have often told me of a being they see around me. It is not unusual for me to hear this. I have also had friend’s co-workers, strangers in cities all across the country tell me strange things at times. They have also told me of a light that is coming from me. I have even gone unrecognized by family and friends for some unknown reason. My former husband of 25 years also did not recognize me one day when I came into his office. I talked to him for several minutes and then he sort of snapped out of it and was astonished it was me. I don't quite understand this phenomenon but my own mother did it as well later that same day when I stopped by her home.

There is so much to tell and words can not explain the beauty, rapture, and essence of the experiences. I get frustrated trying because I feel so inadequate to do so. I can not do it justice or convey the splendor of it all. I would not give anything for these experiences. The worst thing to happen to you can turn out to be the very best thing to happen to you!

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Thursday, August 21, 2003 - 06:41 pm:

I had had a surgery on my kidneys.

I went home and felt very sick. I slept a lot.

On this day it was different, it was a deeper sleep. I walked up a hill into what looked like a courtyard. I was met by a man with a jacket like on. He led me on a tour of this place. There were lots of other people and it looked similar to a roman type courtyard. I remember the grass being so soft and the colors so bright and the people looked at you with love. And they didn’t have to say a word but you knew that they were welcoming you. There were hills and the colors were so bright. And there were long tables with lots of place settings. I could here people talking and laughing and having a good time. But I couldn’t see them. The guide told me it was time to go back and as we walked the TV like screens flashed pictures of faces and I watched them. Then he led me by my hand and he said when you see the brightest blue the whitest white and the greenest green you will be home. I felt at ease.
I went back down the path down a mountain type path.

And woke feeling better then I have in a long time

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Thursday, August 21, 2003 - 06:30 pm:

On May 29, 2002 My Husband was completely ill from GROUP A Strep in other words Flesh eating Bacteria or Necrotizing Facitis. He had emergency surgery to remove the rotting flesh. Doctors did not think he would survive.

After the first surgery he started breathing problems and they wanted him on a Ventilator. So I complied. He then went totally septic. He then started seizing. When he had never seized before. They didn't think he would survive. The night he did they asked how strong he was I couldn't tell them, Larry had never been ill. But he had two kids they needed him.

Second day He had emergency debriding the dead tissue again. He wasn't supposed to make it. So, on June 13, 2002 he awoke and they exabated his tube June 14, 2002. Hours went by. I finally could talk to him. Alot of things happened while he was gone.

I waited a couple days and asked Larry what did you see did you hear me talking to you he said; “no”. “But I saw things I don't know how to explain it but I'll find a way”.

August rolled 2002.He learned to walk again with therapy. I was so euphoric and thankful and piece filled my world. Then I got a call. My second Cousin Gina Died she was 42. And my husband wasn't close to her but he started crying. He said; “I have to talk to you about something. Now might not be the time but I saw Gina die when I was in the hospital. I heard voices. I saw people with no faces but I could see their bodies. Their feet never touched ground. Their mouths didn't move. They communicated to me in my mind. The room was white top bottom sides floor. There was a door white with gold handles”.

He said he wanted to go through the door but they kept pulling him back. They showed his past life like a giant huge engulfing TV screen then it told his future. He told me they said when Gina died she will lose her cousin and her immediate family would lose a sister.

Then I have an Autistic Nephew Age 7. It told that he would go to a better place. In Jan 2003, my nephew started seizure from epilepsy. In that following May 03, 2003, my dear Nephew died from epilepsy. They said I myself would die of bone cancer and I will be in my forties. One of our boys is supposed to end up in the hospital ill or from an accident. And that’s why he had to return. His life wasn't completed yet and he had to be there for the boy's. He has repeated dreams that the world would go dark and is in the dark for a little while and it happened the whole East Coast of the U.S.A. went black in a power outage he also has reoccurring dreams of the future. Some are good some are of illness. But I think for our family that peace is in our hearts and gratefulness.

But my husband and I are trying to find people like him so he doesn't feel like he's all alone.

The only Question is do we try to change things or let it be?

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Monday, August 18, 2003 - 06:25 pm:

On August 15,1962 my dad, brother and I went salmon fishing off the Olympic Peninsula at LaPush. At the time I was 14, my brother 12yr/9mo, and dad was 38. Mom stayed at camp to get things set up for our return, which was supposed to be in 3-4 hours.

The water was smooth when we pulled out of port and we had no problems, even managed to catch three nice salmon. On our way back to port the wind began to pick up and huge swells began to form. Suddenly the water seemed to drop from under us and the boat slammed down hard causing the motor to die and splitting the transom. Water filled the flotation compartment.

We drifted for several hours while dad worked on the motor. All during this time the wind continued to increase and the water got rougher and rougher as the rain poured down. We drifted closer to shore and could hear the waves crashing into the rocks and knew we were in trouble.

We talked over what we knew was about to happen as we got closer to shore. We knew our chances of survival were slim but the plan was to head south down the beach and get back to mom as soon as possible.

To make a long story shorter, things didn't go well for us at all. My dad and brother both died that night. As we were making our way through the surf, we were getting slammed into the rocks. The effort to swim was nearly a waste of time. We spent what seemed like most of our time under the water. It was during this time that suddenly I was floating above what appeared to be my lifeless body being tossed around by the waves. I no longer was experiencing the burning in my throat and lungs. I wasn't feeling the choking. I wasn't feeling the pain. I was at total peace as I watched my body die. I could see all around me but couldn't hear the roar of the wind or waves. I didn't feel hot, cold, wet or pain, just the most peaceful feeling I have difficulty putting into words.

Suddenly I was back into my body and the pain and all came rushing back.

A short time later it happened again and I was back above my body. I started looking around wondering where I would go from there. I just knew my body was dead and I didn't want to go back. My spirit started flying along above the water heading south to my mom. I was determined to let her know what had happened. Suddenly I was back in my body feeling all the pain again. This happened to me three times all together. On the 3rd time I knew it was over for my body as my spirit floated farther from my body. I was thinking that this had to be it . . . the 3rd time is the charm I had always heard. I became aware of other spirits around me. I couldn't see them but felt their presence. I was wondering what was to happen now. I didn't want to return to my was dead! The spirits let me know I had to go back, that everything would be all right, that my time wasn't up yet. I was back into my body again. Even though I felt all the pain again I knew I would make it.

My dad's and brother's bodies were recovered the next day. Took me three days to walk out. I was beat up, cut up and bruised but in good condition for what I had been through.

One thing that has come out of this is that I have lost my fear of death and know nothing will kill me until my time is up.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, August 17, 2003 - 08:10 pm:

I was camping in Big Sur with my husband, my two daughters (ages 11 and 9), and my father-in-law.

We were preparing dinner -- I was making carrot and celery sticks, and my husband called me over to look at something. As I walked towards the campfire I was eating a carrot stick and accidentally aspirated a chunk of carrot into my windpipe.

I was immediately struggling to cough and breath but the slightest cough would dislodge just a bit but then my frantic intake of air pulled the carrot piece deeper until I was getting no air at all and felt myself choking to death. My husband was repeatedly trying to do the Heimlik maneuver, but he was too gentle and it wasn't working.

Suddenly, in the midst of all this, I "swooped" out of my body and was floating above the scene. My feelings of fear, pain, and struggle disappeared, and I felt calm, peaceful, and somewhat detached, though still "myself." From my floating position, I could see my husband repeatedly struggling to do the Heimlick maneuver, with my children both looking on with expression of shock and fear on their faces. I was surprised to notice that my husband had developed a bald spot on the back of his head that I had never seen before, as I had not observed him from this position. That seemed equally interesting as the scene of his continued rescue attempts and the sight of my father-in-law contentedly eating potato chips off to the side, totally oblivious of the struggle that was taking place just feet from him. I felt emotions in a very mild and peaceful way -- slightly amused that I had never noticed the bald spot, compassionate toward the struggles of my husband and the fear of my children, and amused that my father-in-law had no idea what was going on. I felt extremely loving toward all of them but less as a lover, mother, and daughter and more as a benevolent force for them.

Just as suddenly as I had left my body, my husband finally managed to do the Heimlick maneuver with the force necessary -- and as the carrot chunk flew out of my mouth I flew back into my body.

I immediately experienced my usual strong emotions, pain in my throat, need to nurture and protect the children, love and thankfulness to my husband, and general unsettled feelings about the experience. I didn't sleep much that night, and the feelings from the experience became more and more profound. I shared my experience with my husband and children who didn't know what to make of it.

Ever since this experience, I have had renewed joy, a heightened ability to live in the moment, stronger spirituality, stronger drive to serve others and the community, and I have lost any fear of death. I hold this experience as a gift that was given to me and that continues to enrich and sustain me.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Friday, August 15, 2003 - 12:46 pm:

I crashed during a motorcross race. I came off of the motorcycle and landed on my head.

I awoke 15 days later and remembered nothing of the incident other than being in a field, standing, I looked and saw my father who had died a month earlier. I called to him as I walked towards him and he did not answer me. When I got close enough that I was sure that he had heard my calls, I faded out and that is all I recall.

Upon waking up I had to think to remember that my dad had died. It was then that I surmised that the reason he did not acknowledge me was that it was not my time to die.

I am presently trying to get the lifeline flight report because I think I may have either died or came very close. My family doctor (who I gave all of the medical reports that I had access to at the time) told me that when I arrived at Methodist (the first hospital I went to) I had no brain activity. I also found out that when the ground ambulance arrived at the helicopter (lifeline) they shut down the helicopter for 30 minutes and no one knows why. (I am trying to get the lifeline reports)

That is all I have on this incident.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Friday, August 15, 2003 - 12:40 pm:

When I was 9 I had a ruptured appendix. My doctor said I had a kidney infection and he was treating me for that. Apparently things got serious because I remember my grandfather said: "this boy is dying. Get him to the hospital."

After that I am not certain I was conscious. Yet I have a strong image of my standing and watching while I was taken out of the house on a stretcher. (Although this may be a memory of some other situation.)

The next thing I remember clearly is being in a large room, lying on a bed or table. Next to me was an attractive woman dressed in white (it may have been a uniform). She said that soon I would be asleep and I would not hurt any more. She said: "that's a good boy." I think she gave me ether on a pad. I heard over and over again in my head: "that's a good boy; that's a good boy...." It seemed like I heard it for hours.

Shortly thereafter I was aware of being surrounded by a bright, warm, yellow-white light. At first it seemed strongest directly above me. Then I seemed to have no sense of myself and all there was, was the light.

The next I remember was awakening in the hospital with a drain tube in my stomach.


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