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By Anonymous on Sunday, February 9, 2003 - 12:41 pm:

I was at home, ill with hepatitis. I had been running a very high temperature for about two weeks, feeling very nauseous, off all food, drinking very little, feeling generally very lethargic, and was jaundiced.

I remember waking in the middle of the night. I was aware that the bed linen was saturated (feverish sweats). All the pain, nausea etc had gone. I felt so completely at peace, both with myself, and the world around me. It was a physical presence. The feeling of utter contentment surrounded me...you could reach out and touch it. At the end of my bed was a door ( normally it was a fireplace). The door was open just ajar. Through the gap in the door was the brightest light, but you could look straight at it....it didn't dazzle you. It was very welcoming. I knew I just had to go through the door, I didn't question why there was a door there, or what was beyond it. I just knew I had to go through it. Then I thought of my parents in the next room, and thought I must go and say goodbye to them as I wouldn't be there in the morning, and I didn't want them to worry.

I turned from the door with the light to go through my bedroom door to see my parents when it all went dark. The door with the light, and all the feelings of peace etc just went. I fell back on the bed in pain, and just feeling so ill, and knew I should have just gone to the other door. I would have done anything to get back the feelings of peace again.

For many years I thought I had had the most vivid dream. I still remember it with extraordinary clarity, but had never spoken about it. Then one day there was a program about near death experiences. Everyone was leaving their bodies, and floating up to the ceiling looking down at themselves. Then a woman came on and related her experience. It was so similar to mine. I couldn't believe it.

By Anonymous on Thursday, February 6, 2003 - 06:01 pm:

Introductory note:
I wrote this down around three years ago after a business meeting. The subject came up quite by chance when, I recalled my NDE which happened in 1964. Although I had frequently thought about the incident in the intervening years, I am absolutely positive that nothing has clouded my memory to obscure the facts.
I am sorry if the style appears literary - I had intended to offer it for publication in a magazine, but never bothered. I must stress that nothing in it has been sensationalized to clinch a sale.

------------------------

I was undergoing basic training in the Army. One of the guys there said he could make anyone faint. Now, I had never fainted in my life before although, obviously I had seen others faint, and grew curious. Being young, I felt ready for the experience.

I crouched down, breathing deeply, for 30 seconds. Then I had to take one deep breath and put my thumb in my mouth while the guy hauled me up and hugged me tightly from behind as I slipped effortlessly back to the floor. My eyes opened and I looked up at my fellows staring down at me, smiling.

It was a novelty. Others tried it. Then, after a space of about half an hour, someone came into the room and expressed interest in the exercise but was unsure. I was keen to try it again, and asked the fellow if we could do it again to demonstrate it to the newcomer.

This time it was very different.

My body slipped slowly to the floor, and everything became dark. I turned to my right and saw, alone in the cold gloom, a stranger who stared back at me in surprise. He was tall, perhaps a little older than me, and had not expected me to see him.

"Don't worry, everything's going to be all right," he said as he approached, and stood behind me. I felt as if I were being raised up, and looked down and saw my lifeless form. "They've killed me," I thought. "They've killed me. I've got to have them punished." I wanted to pierce them all with my anger.

"No, you can't do that," replied the stranger, soothingly. "You see, it really doesn't matter now. You'll understand soon enough."

I looked again at the lifeless form. I could now actually see right inside the body - the lungs, the alimentary system, all perfectly designed and fitting cleverly together. Whoever designed the human body was a genius, I thought.

I turned around, and looked up at the stranger. He now assumed a dark, golden countenance; and now I saw that he had wings - huge brown wings, flecked with yellow feathers, that flanked the whole of his form. "But I can't die yet. I'm so young," I thought.

Then I looked down and saw a family of middle-aged people whom I recognized as my mother and her sisters, weeping. "He was a silly fool," said an anonymous voice from somewhere behind me. "He shouldn't have done that. And he never achieved anything in his life.""Oh, I don't know," I said defensively. "He was quite a nice person - and I was just getting to like him.""That's not important now," said the stranger's voice. "We must go."

Suddenly I was being propelled across a vast distance - I dare not look straight ahead, but I remember looking at the wall flashing past me as I sped along some kind of tunnel.

Then, at the other end of this journey, I felt a most beautifully reassuring sense of calm. I looked down at myself in my new form; I had taken on a golden glow. I did not need to walk; I floated. Everything about me was love, goodness and warmth. Suddenly, I felt as if I had been given access to the total knowledge of the universe; I stared at a huge dark wheel, containing stars and other celestial bodies, which slowly revolved. A deep voice spoke slowly, but I could not make out what it was saying.

Then I was at some kind of entrance; a man stood in authority at the gate; he had black, tight curls and his face seemed somehow familiar. "You weren't expected," he said. His lips did not move; our conversation was entirely telepathic."Well, I'm here now," I replied, a little surprised that my lips did not need to move either.
"You can't come in," he said. Then, turning to the stranger who had accompanied me all the way here, he asked, "Why did you bring him here? You know it wasn't the time." "I was just as surprised," my companion answered.
"Now look here, I demand to be admitted." I was quite defiant to the gate-keeper. "I have arrived and I am not going to go away." He said something about asking higher authority, and instructed us to wait.

To my left was a warm golden light. My companion, at my right, pointed ahead and I saw a group of children, absolutely perfect in appearance, totally absorbed in some kind of lesson. Their teacher was further to the left, outside my line of vision. Some of the young people saw me and quickly came over and surrounded me. They were utterly delighted to see me, and I felt overjoyed to meet them.

The gate-keeper returned. "You can't stay. You'll have to go back." "But I can't. I'm dead." "It's not usual, but we can take you back. Say goodbye to these people."

The children - and I - were devastated at this news. I heard at least one of them groan. My companion saw my intense disappointment. "Don't worry," he reassured me. "You'll see them all again, soon enough." The gate-keeper turned to me again. "Now you must promise never to attempt to come here again. This is very important." "Oh, all right," I agreed, half-heartedly. "No, this is serious." He turned to my companion and asked him to fetch two people whom I would know.

Two elderly women came. I recognized them as both my grandmothers; they had died some five or six years previously. My father's mother looked grim; my mother's mother was pleased to see me but, at the gate-keeper's bidding, was quite firm in her tone: I had to promise solemnly not to try to return. I agreed.

Once more, I stood in front of the great dark disk again; as the stars and shapes slowly revolved, a deep voice said slowly: "Your time has not yet come."

Then I felt all the wisdom which I had suddenly gained was being forced out from me; I knew I could not take this knowledge back with me, but was concerned that I might lose what limited intelligence I already had before I "died".

And, once again I was in the long tunnel, feeling the wind against my cheek as I looked away and saw the long wall rushing past me.

I awoke, prostate on the floor. I felt as if I had received an electric shock, and needed to collect my thoughts. Bewildered, I looked around me. I was back. I was 17 again, with a whole life ahead of me. A long life, it seemed, before I was due to return to that wonderful place. How would I have the patience to wait so long. Immediately, a feeling of acute depression enveloped me.

My barracks room companions looked down, laughing at me. "You took half a minute or so to wake up! We thought you'd gone to sleep!"

I got up and walked thoughtfully across to my bed and sat quietly on it for the remainder of that evening, quietly reflecting on the experience; echoing in my mind were the faces and voices of the disappointed young people, the revolving disc and the Voice: "Your time has not yet come."

Twelve years later, my young son and daughter were playing one evening and it was time for me to put them to bed. My son turned and looked at me, smiling; my daughter sighed. In the golden twilight I recognized his look and her sigh immediately. They were two of the young people I had seen in my near-death experience.

Then, 35 years after the experience, I received another reminder. It was 1999, and I was in the middle of a routine business meeting with a young woman in my office in London. Although I had never met her before, it quickly became apparent that she was quite forthright in her approach with people. Suddenly, she turned to me and said, "I know this is quite irregular, but can I ask if you believe in the supernatural?" I replied that I kept an open mind.
"I have some psychic abilities," she continued. "There's a man - a spirit - standing beside you, and he's getting very impatient with me. But he assures me that you'd listen." "Has he got anything to tell me?"
"Yes," she replied. "Your time has not yet come. He says you'd know what it means."

By Anonymous on Wednesday, February 5, 2003 - 10:18 pm:

I was in hospital following a gynecological repair operation. I had discovered that my husband was having an affair.
My son was just 3 months old. It caused me to have a prolapsed. I was desperately unhappy.

I was admitted into hospital when my son was just over a year old for the repair to be done. Seven days after the operation I started to hemorrhage very badly from the operation; blood was dripping on the floor by the bed. Nurses started rushing about and a doctor was called. I heard someone say 'hurry up get a line in' they could not seem to do this. I was told to keep very still, my life was in danger.

I passed out and came to above my body in the operating theatre; they were still trying to get some fluid into me and calling for blood to be brought in. I saw a great light, it totally surrounded me, no tunnel, just the light, shapes merging into people who were calling me saying, “come on”, “come with us”. I stayed for some time and then I seemed to hear my daughter and son calling me and I said I had to go back.

I was then back over my body and they were saying, “has someone called the husband” and someone else said “yes”. I tried to tell them not to bother I did not want him, but I could not make myself heard. I then came to back in the ward and a lovely large black woman was giving me a drink and saying, “you’re alright honey”.

A few days passed and I was very weak. My husband did come to see me and then, went back to his job some distance away.

Almost exactly a week after the first time, it happened again. The hemorrhage and being rushed into the operating theatre. Again, I was above my body and this time did not want to come back at all. I went with the light and so wanted to stay there and talk to the people I was meeting. I was told that I had to either stay or go back and look after my children and husband and find a way to helping people. To listen to what they said, and to be open to any new thoughts and feelings that would be given to me.

Again, I woke up back on the ward with the same black woman looking after me, who again said “your alright honey”. I was told when I asked who she was that there were no black people working there at that time. I have always wished that I could have thanked her properly. It was over a year getting over the whole of this experience.

It is only now many years later that I am beginning to understand what was wanted of me and am beginning to open up and slightly understand that all the horrendous times I have lived through since have brought me greater understanding of the world that we live in.

I hope that this is of some use to you.

By Anonymous on Sunday, February 2, 2003 - 09:16 pm:

I was admitted to the Hospital on 07/16/01. This was the same Hospital my father (81) , had died in on 07/10/01. I was in Oregon.

Following his funeral on 07/13/01, I was awoke on Monday morning the 16th by my own moaning. I was experiencing severe abdominal pain and pressure that increased in intensity until, I finally allowed my oldest son and my nephew to take me to emergency. They immediately pumped me full of morphine and poked and prodded until deciding it must be my gallbladder. The ER surgeon finally had me admitted and I was scheduled for an exploratory scope Tuesday morning. I barely remember being taken to my room.

Sometime in the night I remember a nurse waking me up to tell me to shut up "other patients were trying to sleep". I remember clearly thinking “like I have any control over my moaning". I feel sometime in the early hours of Tuesday July 16 2001 (I am awaiting records to verify) I either crashed or my vitals got very bad.

What I remember are like small mini films of certain episodes. I’ve remembered more and more with time and the memories are no longer so emotional. For a long time, I couldn't even talk about some of them without bawling. The most vivid and troubling was when I was being transferred from gurney to table or vice-versa and I chilled worse than words can describe. I chilled so quickly and completely it felt like my very core had turned to ice. My family and friends have liked to blame everything on the morphine and other drugs. I know without a doubt what I remember actually happened.

I did not lead the best life previously, like most people I did not think I was a bad person, but I had used and abused alcohol and drugs for years, so functioning "under the influence" was certainly not new to me. I also have had over 10 surgeries (5 knee surgeries alone) that involved general anesthetics so I was no rookie on the operating table either.

I remember it took several people to straighten me out from the fetal position. While I know without a doubt I was experiencing more pain than I ever had before, I still do not remember the actual feeling (thank God). My next episode involved the air tube. I regained enough consciousness to clamp down on the tube with my teeth for all I was worth as they were trying to take it out. They kept telling me to relax and it would be over much faster, so I did. I then remember thinking, "gosh they were right" then the thought, clear as day, entered my mind that after all the real life trauma shows I’ve watched on TV, now I was the show. I also remember the surgeon, whose name was Sandra, explaining to me how it was going to be a lot worse than they first thought. As it turned out I was full of peritonitis from a perforation they never found. This is why I think I coded sometime in the night. Upon my return to Tacoma I ended up being diagnosed with chrons disease.

While I don't have a lot of the experiences that other nder’s have had. I do still have a very unsettling feeling of darkness, such ungodly bitter cold, like a large void and an utter feeling of hopelessness. I am still a little leery to remember too much more as I was not headed for a good place. As to "why me" I feel absolutely that it was all the positive energy (all of our communities prayers) that were sent out on my behalf that drew attention to my plight.

I remember such a peaceful/serene feeling for the few days following surgery and I just blew it off to the morphine pump and boy were they encouraging me to use it. Well, I can't think of much else right now except for the wonderfully positive effect this has had on my life. Confusing, yes but, God for the fist time in 20 years, IT'S GREAT TO BE ALIVE.

By Anonymous on Wednesday, January 29, 2003 - 02:06 pm:

Since I was a very small child I struggled with what I came to know much later in life as the aftereffects of an NDE. I was an only child, and both my parents were 20 years old when I was born. At 19 I learned that my mother had aborted 2 pregnancies prior to my being born.

As a child I was extremely shy and had great difficulties relating to anyone - even some family members - on any level whatsoever. I always felt very different, out of place, and was confused by the many paradoxes and contradictions of the world around me. I suffered from allergies and asthma and was sick quite often. Up until entering high school I had very few close friends. I didn't look any different than anyone else, I was never bullied or picked on in any way, other children just didn't know how to relate to me nor I to them. Most of the time I preferred the company of adults. This has changed since I've reached adulthood - I am now able to relate much better to children and find it very difficult to connect with other adults.

I did very well in school with little effort. Throughout my school years, including college, I never knew "what I wanted to be" in adulthood. No one profession or occupation ever stood out. Most of my working life has been spent figuring out through trial and error what I DIDN'T want to do for a living. Since I was a small child I have been fascinated with the concept of UFOs/alien beings. I read everything I could find on the subject and was not able to understand why more people weren't concerned about it. I was never really into science fiction of any type - I just wanted actual case studies and facts. I have never had a close encounter, abduction, or anything of that nature happen to me.

On a Wednesday morning in February 1995 I woke up with the most horrible case of nausea I've ever experienced. I didn't have the flu or any other illness, and I was not prone to stomach problems. For the next 3 days I was unable to eat anything due to the nausea. At the time my mother-in-law was living with my wife and I. She had just divorced from my father-in-law after nearly 30 years of marriage. My father-in-law suffered from depression. I was able to connect with him as he, like me, did not seem to fit well in this world. He had difficulty relating to others socially, but he had a brilliant mind.

On the following Saturday, my wife and I returned home from an antique show. My mother-in-law informed us that my father in-law had been found dead in his home. She said that he had committed suicide by running a rubber tube from the exhaust pipe into his car, rolled up the windows, started the car, laid down in the back seat, and died. Although horrified at hearing this, the nausea vanished. Days later we discovered that the autopsy showed he had probably died either Tuesday night or Wednesday morning. Even more ironically, during the time I suffered from the nausea I picked up my wife's copy of "Embraced by the Light". I had no previous interest in the subject of NDEs, and I even made light of the whole thing when my wife bought the book. The whole episode got my attention, and I became increasingly interested in the phenomenon.

In 2001 after enduring a string of personal crises, I read PMH Atwaters "Beyond the Light". I was deeply moved by the personal NDE accounts the book contained and elected to research deeper. I discovered IANDS, and through IANDS I found that the closest group to me was located in Columbus, OH. I called the organizer, Nancy Clark, to inquire about the group. I indicated I myself was not an experiencer but, felt great empathy for those I read about. I attended the next meeting despite my wife's objections. The group is small, but very diverse. It surprised me how many members were not experiencers. For the first time in my life I felt deeply connected as if I truly belonged. The group discussed things openly and open-mindedly I had never had the opportunity to before. After the meeting I sat in my car and openly wept. I had never experienced anything which touched my heart the way the group did.

During the following months I prayed daily for God to reveal to me my mission. In prayer I made it clear to God that I would accept this mission, whatever it was, and do his will. My mother lives near Columbus, so I would visit with her and my step-father on the weekends of the meetings. My mother asked to attend one of the meetings with me. She attended the June meeting with me and was intrigued, but she felt she wouldn't get much out of continuing attending.

Three days after we'd gone to the meeting, my mother called me and asked why I was going to the IANDS meetings in the first place. I told her I never had an NDE but, I could relate and connect with those who had. She wondered if this had anything to do with what happened when I was a baby. I had no idea what she was referring to.

My mother went on to relate how, at 14 months, in January 1967 I had a severe allergic reaction to something, and she had to take me to the hospital. The roads were very icy. She came to a bridge which was closed due to the ice. She had to be escorted across the bridge by local police. Upon arrival at the hospital, I was taken to the emergency room. My father, a state trooper, arrived shortly thereafter. After 15-20 minutes, a doctor came to my parents and advised them there was nothing more that they could do - I was dead. He told them I was dead on arrival and had probably died enroute to the hospital. My father would not accept this. He had the doctor take him to my body. My father then began performing CPR despite the doctor's insistence it would be to no avail. The doctor assisted my father, and moments later I revived. After remaining hospitalized for several days the doctor expressed his astonishment that I had not sustained any brain damage or any other ill effects. I was released without needing further treatment.

I nearly dropped the phone as my mother told me this. She said she just assumed I knew. From that moment so many things in my life suddenly made sense. I now knew who I was and, while I still feel like an outsider in many respects, I have an understanding of why and the feelings of alienation are gone. Words are inadequate to describe what I think and feel, but I am blown away by it all, grateful to God, and I cry every time I think about how all this came about. It is not important to me that I have no memory of the NDE itself, and I honestly don't try too hard to remember.

At the next IANDS meeting I told Nancy Clark what my mother had told me, and she was not surprised. She had been contacted recently by the Cleveland Public Library requesting she give a presentation on NDE's in the near future. She asked me to do it, I accepted, and I gave the presentation. In college I had dropped speech class 3 times before finally completing the course due to my extreme discomfort with speaking in front of groups. Nancy and I decided it would be a great idea for me to establish an NDE group in Northeast Ohio. I am working on that now, and I am convinced that is my mission. I am very thankful to have been touched by the grace of God. I consider my experience to be a gift, and I intend to use it to help others find their way.

By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 28, 2003 - 09:13 pm:

I have Esophogeal Varices, apparently from alcohol related circosis. I blew out Varices a total of 9 times. All happened within a 2 year period.
I was told I would not survive if I continued to drink, and very possibly if I quit drinking and took many BP related meds. I have a Medical Background. In between the 8th and 9th Bleeds, I decided that I was ready to die, and was no longer afraid to do so.

My wife had told me after my 2nd bleed, that I had a lot of nerve to leave her with a 14 year old boy to raise by herself, and that had not been her understanding of things between us, and "I had another thing coming, if I thought that was fair"

When I bled again, I WAS ready to go, and should have died on the helicopter enroute to the Med Center. I did not.

But after arrival, I could feel life slipping away, and thought, well Now is the time. I was so very cold. And, once I thought I was dying, the lights were getting dimmer and dimmer (I knew what that meant). I felt comfortable, and the pain all went away (the worst back and stomach pain ever). I no longer noticed the cold. Anyway, the voice of my wife went through my head along with some of my life experiences. Once my wifes voice got to the "fair" part, I realized that it was truly unfair of me to go without attempting to stay. With all my strength, I was not happy about it, but ones word is all one has. So, I fought back.

It was the worst 15-20 hours of my life. The Pain. The Cold, (much of that from cold blood infusion, 4 pts at a time) And, the stomach pain after emergency esophageal surgery, was all never-ending. Several times, I considered letting the Dark back in, but could no longer let it come.

I survived the experience, and stopped drinking alcohol at all. There was much depression, and terrible weakness. It was 3 months before I rode the motorcycle I promised myself, if I fought and lived.

So, I'm here, helping raise my son, and enjoying my wifes company. Riding my motorcycle is my only completely "at Peace" time I have. I do enjoy my computer, and when I can get around, I work on computers and sell a few to my previous customers only. (I owed them, but I never promised to live for them)

So, I consider this a Near Death experience, although I never felt that I left my body. It was just dying around me. I do believe that had I not had a change of heart, and put all effort into staying, that I would not have lived, and might not have anyway. A heart rate of over 200 for 8 hours WILL kill you. I did not even have a heart attack. My specialist decided that I did NOT have arteriosclerosis, since I did not have a blockage.

I am not joyous about it, and have disappointment that I have not recovered more energy, since. I am as good as I am going to get. Quads hit a similar wall, when they realize that it isn't gonna get any better. Just something else to deal with.

I have, however, kept my word, and my son is now 19.
Since I have such Peace when riding my motorcycle, it allows me to take life one day at a time.

I hope this helps someone, if nothing else, to determine that I did Not have what y'all call a NDE.

By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 28, 2003 - 08:51 pm:

Was going 40 miles per hour on a narrow two lane road with no shoulders (5pm Sept 8, 1993), just guard rails. A car in front of me, about 150 feet was hit by on coming car crossing the double yellow. After they collided the oncoming car that was put in a spin headed right for me. I figured, I had slowed to 20 to 25 mph at impact. The spinning car was probably going at least 25 mph when it hit me.

I had thrown my self to the floor of the passenger side, seat belt wrenched me, gave me a baseball sized bruise. Knee hit under dash, neck and lower back hurt. Nine months of physical therapy 3 nights per week, 3 hours each time.

I was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. Was prescribed painkiller and sent home that night.

I took painkiller and tried to sleep on the couch. I felt so tired. Never in my life did I feel so tired. But, I could not sleep because, everytime I closed my eyes, I saw the car spinning and coming at me. I took another painkiller for the pain was still bad. I was not thinking right and took a glass of wine to help me sleep.

I would say as soon as I finished drinking it, I was at the ceiling looking down at myself. I saw me sleeping and saw all the furniture in the dark family room. I remember just looking and feeling just fine with being up above myself. After what seemed like a minute or so, I somehow got back in my body and woke. I found myself struggling for air like I had held my breath for a very long time. That’s it. Thanks for reading.

By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 28, 2003 - 08:39 pm:

In 1991, I woke up and experienced severe pain in my side; I was unable to move due to the pain. My father found me in this way, and immediately took me to the emergency room.

Once there, I remember lying on a gurney in the emergency room. All of the doctors had gone to check on other patients. My father was there with me.

The next thing that I knew, I was "floating" above the gurney, looking down at myself and my father. My father started yelling for the doctors, and he was shaking me, trying to get me to come back.

Later he told me that he didn’t know if I had died or just passed out from the pain.

When my dad was shaking me, it immediately brought me back into myself on the gurney. I was kind of mad. I didn’t feel like anything was wrong. While I was "hovering" above myself, I felt none of the severe pain. The minute I went back, I was in intense pain again.

By Anonymous on Saturday, January 25, 2003 - 09:08 pm:

I went to the hospital. I was 6months pregnant. I was not seen before this so, I had no idea what was about to take place. I was in hard labor. The doctors tried to stop it with medicine but it continued. They x-rayed my stomach and said that I was pregnant with twins and that the chord was wrapped around one of the baby’s leg and around the other babies neck. So, it would be safer for me to have a c-section. They put me under. I slowly stopped hurting.

It was so nice, a bright light. I traveled down a tunnel. A bright light was at the end. That’s when I saw my grandmother, she smiled at me and took my hand. That’s when I saw myself on the table.

They were cutting on me but I couldn't feel a thing. As we continued to watch, they pulled a baby out. It was a boy. The doctor gave the baby to the nurse while he continued to try to deliver the other baby. The baby boy cried and, the doctor told the nurse to take the baby up to the next floor. Then he pulled the next baby out and she had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck. She was very small, unlike her sibling who looked like he was a very good size baby!

I then watched the doctor clean me and sew me back up. My grandmother said that I must go back. I told her that I did not want to go. But, she said I had a job waiting for me. I went back.

I laid for two weeks. When I woke up, I asked my husband where the babies were and he said I only had a little girl. I told him he was wrong. He said, I just dreamed everything. Then when that hospital got busted for black marketing babies, I still couldn't prove anything but, I know my grandmother and I know the real truth!

By Anonymous on Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 08:12 pm:

I had been drinking heavily for days, with little or no sleep. I felt horrible about myself and had given up hope. I wanted to die.

I had a business, my child and all the material things I wanted at the time. My esophagus was starting to rupture. I had an ulcer and I was so past drunk that no amount of alcohol could make me feel drunk and the thought of the hangover if I quit drinking unnerved me. I was desperate.

After a night of drinking I passed out and woke up an unknown time later in my room on my bed, around morning. I tried to get up but my heart was pounding fiercely and I was passing out. I tried several times to get up thinking that I just needed to drink a beer or some wine to get to feeling better. I was feeling worse than I have ever felt before, like I was having the worst hangover of my life. But, I did not care about getting up to get a drink after a time and I was just lying there.

To my left there came clouds and bright white, orange and golden light. I turned my head and there came a man out of these clouds, with other beings behind him a short distance away. He was wearing an orange and rust colored robe over a cream colored robe. (Like Jesus). I remember thinking that the colors were not what I would have expected. This man had collar length brown hair and a closely trimmed beard and mustache. The most remarkable feature about him was his eyes. The thought of his eyes brings me to tears sometimes. They were very large and very brown and he seemed to speak through them of supreme compassion, patience, indescribable love, joy and a complete acceptance of me just the way I was. I also felt that I had and always had his complete devotion and attention. He simply looked at me and though he did not speak, he asked me, "Do you want to come with us now, or stay and fix your life?" Then he just waited, smiling at me, gazing at me, while I considered the question and my life. There was so much I wanted to do and I thought of my daughter. I was very aware that if I had wanted to go with him it would have been an acceptable choice to him, but the decision was mine. At the moment of my decision to stay and fix my life I was aware that I was never alone and that I would have all the help I needed to get through my life and do what I needed to do. I remember the certainty of that and an overwhelming presence of God and of this man that was looking at me with such total love. It felt like my soul expanded with every second in his presence. When I told him (without words) that I wanted to stay, he smiled, beamed, at me and turned around and walked back into the clouds.

I was able to get up with no heart pounding or hangover, and made phone calls to my mother, who called a woman in AA to talk to me. I called an AA center and talked to a friend of mine who happened to answer the phone. This friend of my mom's and the friend of mine told me how to taper off the alcohol to help me with the withdrawals. I asked my mother to come over and she did. I was 'sober' for about 20 minutes to do all of this and then, I spent the next 5 days in and out of consciousness having very bad withdrawals. But, I remembered the man and the promise that I would have the strength and the help I needed. On the fifth day I went to my first AA meeting, August 28, 1989 and have been sober ever since, remembering that I am not alone and that I chose to be here to 'fix my life'.

By Anonymous on Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 07:59 pm:

I remember, seeing the light from a flashlight in my face, shouting and the sound of my raspy breathing.

It was nighttime. Then I remember dropping my pink bunny doll in a parking lot, I was being carried quickly in my mother's arms.

Next, I was above my body, seated with legs crossed, my arms around my knees watching 'the body' and a doctor and some nurses around the body. I felt something I can only describe as compassion and mild curiosity and pity at the same time. I saw the people working on me, but did not understand what they were doing. I heard someone say, "We've lost her."

And then, my attention turned to where I was. I was in a dark place, on the edge of that place and the room below. I felt deep peace and no fear at all or desire to return to my body. I had the sense of a Great Presence coming towards me, and could see some people in the distance walking slowly towards a bright glow. I knew that I was not to join them. The Presence grew closer and I felt an indescribable love, compassion and joy wash over me.

Then, I knew with no words exchanged that I was being gently sent back to my body, to my life. I accepted this and protested it in the same instant and was immediately aware of entering my body feet first through my head. It hurt physically and spiritually, like I was being squeezed into a space much too small for my spirit and I heard the sound of myself taking a breath like a swimmer breaking the surface of the water.

I remember nothing more about that night except that, I felt a deep compassion for other people afterwards. And, a sense of how big we all are, spiritually. I have always remembered the strength, love and gentleness of God. A certain sense of humor, and the peacefulness of being in His presence.

By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 14, 2003 - 07:10 pm:

I had Histoplasmosis and was given an antibiotic that I was allergic to. My children were ages 4 and 6 and I was a full time welder. I felt myself dying from the feet up going numb and fighting to breathe.

An ambulance was called but there was no time my husband took me to Hospital. Your hearing is last to go as I heard the ER resident screaming "she is dying her BP is 40 by palpation, I don't know what to do"

I left my body and I don't know why I was laughing at him he looked like Oliver Hardy. I went in the waiting room and saw my Mom and kids, my poor daughter had stepped on a cactus getting out of the truck and Mom was helping her get the thorns from her foot. Mom was crying and when my daughter asked why she was crying she told her "Oh, I burned the pot roast and papa will be mad at me" I felt so light and free I laughed again.

Suddenly the brightest, most intense tunnel of light pulled me toward it and I heard my Uncle Al Long whistling and I headed up the tunnel. I felt lighter than air, like love was circling all around me and I was a moth being drawn to that loving light. Suddenly a voice I can only describe in my Christian Religion as Jesus told me I had 2 babies to raise and I could not leave them. I felt like a big hand "pushed" me back into my body and I landed with a "thud" and was very angry for a while.

Now it seems to have happened again, it is slowly coming back to me, I had a cardiac catheterization January 3, 2003. I started having reperfusion pain when a stint was installed into a coronary artery. The pain was severe and I heard the tech say I was in an arrhythmia. I was begging for something for pain and then I "blacked" out. Next I remember I saw the tunnel of light but my mother was walking down stairs in the tunnel to me and my father was with her. I am remembering this slowly just as I did in 1980 and I am crying a lot as I just lost mother last year and she told me something and I can't recall yet what it was. But, I felt their love for me.

Is it normal for it to take so long to remember?

By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 14, 2003 - 07:03 pm:

Now, this is before I smoked, cussed or even had indulged in the occasional alcoholic beverage.

I was the all American boy, and never did anything wrong. It was in the summer of 1987. It was hot that night, and I was coming home from a party with some friends. I came home and went upstairs to my room after saying goodnight to my parents. I went to bed with just a pair of shorts on, and slept on top of the covers of my bed. I do not know how long time passed but I started to get cold, so I tried to move to get the covers over top of myself, but my arms would not move. I tried to move but my body would not move either. The way I was laying in bed was in a prone position with my arms to my side. I noticed I could no longer feel my legs with my hands. I started to get nervous.

Then I noticed for the first time I could see the ceiling of my room and it was drawing closer. This started to freak me out so instinctually I turned my head around and saw myself lying on my bed with no covers on being completely still. This in a way was shocking but exciting as well. I turned my head back to the ceiling just as I was passing through it. I thought I would see the attic of my house but instead I was in a very dark, chilly, peaceful place. Once I was in this place I noticed Immediately how peaceful this place was. I try to explain this to people when I tell them this story like "Imagine the most peaceful place you have ever seen, then multiply that place a million times" (now most of those people never talk to me about it now, I guess they think I am making it up or that I am just nuts. Anyhow, there I was in this peaceful place and suddenly I felt a warm soothing heat on my right side. I turned to see a beautiful bright light beckoning me towards it. As I started towards it I realized what was happening. I then told myself "I am not ready Yet!"

As soon as I let the "t" out, I was jolted up from my bed. I let out a cry, and I could not stop crying for 20 minutes afterwards. As soon as I started crying my parents rushed in my room. They tried to console me, but did not understand what I just went through. Especially since I could not talk for 20 minutes.

After that experience I noticed a change in myself. I was no longer afraid of death. Actually I wanted to go back to that place. I never wanted to commit suicide, but I was on a road of self destruction. I started smoking and drinking and more sexual experience. I know one thing that I wanted to do is experience the most out of life as much as possible. I turned into a very sure of the moment kind of person. Which ever way the wind blew I was there from travel, parties, adventure, jobs and women. These experiences lasted until I realized that I was going to be a father in 1998.

I noticed that I had other "gifts" that still are around. Some more predominate now than when I was younger.

I noticed I was more in tune with emotions of other people. I knew what people were feeling before they even spoke a word. I could feel things around me. I notice people around me out of my peripheral vision sometimes. I see some of my relatives in my dreams just before I go into REM sleep. I have just recently and rarely started to hear voices, but are muffled so I really don't understand what they are saying. For the past couple of years I notice when I talk to God that I start to get chills up my spine and on the right hand side of my body that start at the top of head to the soles of my feet.

These things are common to me now.

By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 14, 2003 - 06:52 pm:

Diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 89, breast cancer in Feb. 93, I had a blood clot and cerebral hemorrhage on Easter Sunday of 93. Overnight I was in intensive care and on dilantin. When I awoke the next morning interns were making their rounds. After they were done talking with me, one stayed behind and told me something very profound, but to this day I don't recall what it was.

When they brought me up to my room I didn't recognize my husband and thought I was still living at my old address. I told him I had seen the angels while floating above a body. I didn't know who it was. I didn't find out about the out of body experience until last night, Jan. 7, 03 when my husband, Tom, told me. After I told him, I ordered a book on NDE. I must have blocked it all out. The medication might have had something to do with it.

I really became completely transformed and shocked while writing a book on my personal journey. After I was out of the hospital and during a doctor visit, I was told I shouldn't be here. I went home that night and had three dreams...each one more powerful.

I believe GOD has been guiding me all my life, I just wasn't aware of it until I started writing. I've been very intuitive and somewhat psychic all my life.

I now read the Bible I haven't read since JH school. The book I wrote involves an archeological excavation of a very important ancient rock shelter, and the 60ft. cross I came upon suddenly one night, while hunting for a shower after the day's dig.

Please take time to read about my three deep dreams. Visit "A Second Chance" at:

http://hometown.aol.com/mqhayes/myhomepage/faith.html

I have had cancer 3 times along with MS and thyroid disease and feel I'm here to help others.

Thank you for reading this!

By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 7, 2003 - 08:06 pm:

As a small child I drifted freely between the realm of the spiritual and physical realm. As young as the age of four, I can remember leaving my body when my mother put me to bed. My body would be in bed but, my spirit drifted freely through the house. From room to room I could see my siblings asleep in their beds, I soared down the hall into a darkened kitchen that filled me with fear. Still my spirit went there. I trembled for a moment until I was able to control my flight. Christmas Eve, at the age of 5, I drifted into the living room and observed the lights on the tree for some duration. I saw all the decorations we had prepared for the holiday, the stockings etc.

I told my mother of these experiences. She advised me to place a glass of water at my bedside at night. "This way my spirit could find it's way back to my body." For years I did this alongside my Bible. My mother was not a Christian but very familiar with the spiritual realm. My folks are descendents of the Louisiana voodoo culture. It was often believed that ancestors came with messages, gifts, and warnings. This spiritual activity was nothing unusual to my family. My Grandmother favored me at a young age. She spoke of gifts such as dream telepathy and supernatural powers inherited me through my ancestors.

Through my teenage years, I sought to leave these experiences behind. I was often visited by spirits of unknown origin. Some peaceful, some that left me restless and disturbed. Sometimes feeling almost assaulted sexually. I resided in a two-story home. It was a very large home. A balcony exceeded as an entrance for spirits to access. It was almost like a (Jacobs ladder) I could almost feel their flight onto it. When they entered, their presence was known. The feeling of thickness of "you're not alone."

I grew-up and had babies of my own. My daughter was a sleepwalker and spoke in her sleep of things that had not yet come to pass. In the year 1999 I became I’ll with a pre-existing heart condition. A bizarre tumor had grown in my lung and had been pressing against my heart. For many nights my spirit took flight headed straight for the heavens at tremendous speed. When the realization kicked-in the fear would jerk me back into my body. Soon, I slept in an upright position supported by pillows.

One week before the removal of the tumor, I laid on the sofa exhausted from a hard days work. I drifted off into sleep. During my sleep my spirit left again racing at enormous speed into the blue sky. It took me as high as the clouds. At first, I thought I was dreaming, I soon realized that I was dying. I thought about my young son and I panicked. What would happen to him? I was all he had and the grief would surely destroy him. My heart pumped hard and fast so that my whole body jerked with its beat. I realized that for a moment I had died, but my spirit was not ready to leave my son and it returned to my body.

After the surgery, I lost a Beloved friend from cancer of the liver. I had gone to see him in the hospital shortly before his death. I grieved deeply for him. As I tearfully drifted off into sleep, I asked, “Why didn’t he say goodbye”. My bed shook as if an earthquake had taken place. I was quickly awakened. The smell of his cologne filled my room so strongly. Only he wore that fragrance and I knew it was him. I got up from my bed to make sure no one had sprayed any perfume. The house was still, the children asleep. I spoke my peace and expressed my sadness over his loss. For a moment, I knew he understood and wanted to respond. Slowly his fragrance left the room, as if he just came to say goodbye.

Today, I sleep with a clear glass of water beside my bed.

By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 7, 2003 - 07:53 pm:

I had been bleeding internally from a surgery and had to have an emergency surgery. After this surgery I was in a coma for about 4 days. I came out of it, had units and platelets of plasma. I was gravely ill in intensive care, no one thought I would I would survive. I questioned it myself.

One day as I was lying in bed, I had difficulty breathing. The alarms went off and I had oxygen on and a doctor was there asking why I couldn't breath. There were a number of nurses in the room. Suddenly, I couldn't breath much at all. Then I felt a rush of freezing cold come over me, then incredible warmth, a feeling I really can't describe. I could see and hear the nurses and the doctor. One nurse was practically on top of me with the thing they pump over my mouth, yelling at me to come back. The doctor was shooting things into my IV. I didn't realize at the time that I had respitory failure then heart failure. All I knew was that I was safe and free from pain, not just physically but, emotionally as well. I only felt one emotion, pure comfort. Totally safe. No fear. I watched as they worked on my body. I knew there were others with me although I saw no one. I liked where I was, I didn't seem to feel the emotions we feel here. And I was still whole. It was me watching them work. All of me. As I said before, it is difficult to explain.

I awoke to a cardiologist opening my neck and placing a wire down into my heart, as he apologized for not having any painkiller because he said there wasn't time to get one.

This is where most people do not believe me although, most of the nurses did at the hospital. Some were afraid to come into my room in ICU. I returned, but I would say not alone. A man whom, I felt no fear, but safety with him there. He never once looked at me but, stood face forward between me and my monitors. And a girl, she was pretty, with long blonde hair in ponytails with pink feety pjs on. She stayed in the corner of my room and kept her eyes on me constantly. Again I felt no fear. When I would begin to have heart trouble, I would look at him and it would go back down.

I made what was considered a miraculous recovery. Once my heart and body were under control, my visitors were gone. I was at deaths door and two weeks later I was almost totally well. If you could have seen how bad off I was.

For me, I feel as if I have return with a re-newed spirit. Even different in some ways. I moved from my home with my children. I stopped talking with and seeing my old friends. Friends since middle school. And I don't miss them. I am able to be far more patient and compassionate to others than ever before. And I absolutely believe there is a God. No one can shake my faith in this.

Here is the part that disturbs me. I feel as though I have returned with answers to questions that I never asked. I am sure now that our sole purpose on earth is to learn to live, love and respect one another. I now follow the path that God has laid out for me. Nothing or anyone can deter me from this.

The hardest thing for me is that I was brought up a Christian. I never doubted always believed in the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. But, now, I no longer believe that Jesus was God or the Son of God. He was a gifted, faithful man, chosen perhaps to spread the work and word of God. But, not God. I am sure as well that my experience was not that of an evil power as you would easily feel and see if you met me. For obvious reasons I do not tell many people about this. Recently, I have found the need to learn about Judaism. This is so strange for me because I have always felt hostility towards Israel due to their policies and violence toward other humans. And today I believe that Judaism is the true religion. The truth that so many of us seek.

My entire life has changed. Where before happiness was so hard to find, it is all I know now. Anything I need comes to me. I feel blessed.

Another thing about this experience is I felt guilty when I returned because when I was there, I didn't miss anyone. Not my children, my Father, no one. I believe these painful emotions no longer exist when we move on. All I felt there was a total comfort, which is something you can never know physically here on earth. I no longer fear death although I do not consider it "death" any longer. It is the next step. My compassion is more for those who are left here. Feeling that of loss and despair.

Anyway. That is my story. Only the few believe me and that is ok with me. Because now I know the truth. I know I have a purpose in life.

Thank you for having a place that I can share this. It is such a huge part of my daily life. And no one can truly understand.

By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 7, 2003 - 07:39 pm:

Mine happened in 1963, when I was 8 years old. I had become very ill with flu-like symptoms and could not hold down any food or fluids for almost a week. I remember my mother calling the small hometown doctor on the phone with concern in her voice, but he always assured her, without seeing me, that it was just the flu. I will never forget the burning sensation when I vomited only yellow bile, something I believe the doctor was not told. Then, as days passed and I became weaker, my vomiting quieted down. Both of my parents worked and they needed to get back to their jobs, so toward the final days of my sickness I was left alone during the daytime.

On one of those afternoons I was desperate for a drink of water. Somehow I peeled myself away from the couch and steadied myself before taking small steps to the kitchen sink. That glass of water tasted better than nectar, but as I turned back to the living room my vision turned white and I passed out. I woke later on the kitchen floor and I have no idea how long I had been there. That evening I told my mother about the experience and she looked very worried. The next day I suddenly felt better and I even got up to play on the floor. I felt fine, but I was extremely pale, and my father insisted that I be taken to the doctor anyway. I'll never forget the look on the doctor's face when he put me on the examining table. One jab in my gut around the appendix told him all he needed to know. I remember the urgency in his voice as he told my mother to get me to the hospital immediately. My father's job had taken him out of town that morning and could not be contacted for several hours. My mother balked and the doctor insisted again that the situation was serious. He ordered an operation that very afternoon and I was taken to the hospital for admission.

The nurses worked quickly as they took off my clothes and shaved my belly. Mom was in and out of the room as she made phone calls to people who could help her contact my father. The hometown doctor came into the room to see me before the operation, and he introduced me to another doctor who was a surgeon. I didn't know it at the time, but the surgeon had driven 90 miles at high speed to help with the operation. The shaving was done, my mother told me not to worry, but she sounded scared, and I was wheeled into the operating room. Now I was scared and I started to cry. The nurses were a bit stern which made it worse. I detected a funny smell and complained about it. They lied and told me it was the rubber on the wheels of my gurney. They were preparing to put me out with ether. Soon a mask with a screen was put over my face. Then the screen was covered with a towel, and the ether was poured onto the towel. I was told to breathe deeply like I was blowing into a balloon as I coughed and cried. Soon my head swirled around my body like an orbiting planet and everything went black.

It was soon after everything turned black when I realized that I could think and wonder about where I was. The best interpretation my child-like mind could decipher was that I was floating alone in the vast, dark universe. Soon I saw wisps of cloud-like creatures flying about with ease. They began to fly past me as they twirled me around. I became frightened and they seemed to fly closer when they noticed my fear. I remember them taunting and giggling as they spun me around. I became so afraid that I cried out in fear, and I asked for it to end. Something then changed as I noticed that I was floating upward and away from the wisps; again I was alone in the universe as my fear subsided. Soon after I noticed I was floating upward to a large circular, cone-like formation that was dotted with sparkling stars. As I looked upward into it I could see it spinning, and the stars were more concentrated toward the smaller opening at the top. I floated upward as I gained momentum and soon I was at the top of the spiral tube where I hit a sort of barrier like a bubble that has come to rest against something that has trapped it.

I stayed there for a while and felt no need to move about. Then suddenly I felt something tugging on me from the other side of the barrier. I was grabbed by the arm and pulled through the barrier to the other side. I had been pulled through by a young man of about 25 years of age. He was very friendly and seemed surprised to see me. He didn't know who I was so he asked. I couldn't find my voice so I just stood there. Then a few other people came around to look at me. They were older people and very kind. They asked who I was, and I said my first and last name, which made them ask more questions. They said we were related, but they wanted to know who my father was. I again said my name, and I told them I was my father’s name. Then they seemed to gasp because they knew my father. The older people introduced themselves as my father's grandparents, and they were very gracious, very happy to meet me. The two grandmothers hugged me and made sure I understood that I was in a safe place because I was very confused as to what was happening. They introduced me to the young man who pulled me in. He was my father's cousin who died in the Korean War.

As I spent more time in this place I seemed to gain strength, and I realized that it was warm and comfortable. We were all surrounded in a white light that was very pleasant. I also noticed that we all had a bluish glow about us. They showed me some high-backed chairs that they often would sit in. The chairs looked somewhat like thrones to me. They showed me a chair that would someday be my fathers, and then they showed me a chair that they said could be mine if I would sit in it. I sat in it for a moment, but didn't want to get too settled in as I was curious and wanted to look around. Then they showed me generation upon generation of my father's family going back for hundreds of years, and each of the people they showed me was sitting in their chairs. They could be seen going back toward a more intense light like steps of a ladder. The older generation people did not come forward to greet me and I don't remember if they were able to acknowledge me. However, the more recent generations seemed to at least say hello.

At some point during my visit with my father's grandparents told me to wait for a moment because a very special person was coming to greet me. The person they wanted me to meet was an older woman who glowed brighter than the others. She too showed an incredible amount of love and affection for me, but hers was much more intense. This indeed was a very special woman. I was totally enveloped by this woman's love and felt completely at ease; much like an infant who has fallen asleep in the arms of their mother. She told me many things and I understood that the glowing light was the presence of God. She said that she was his messenger who was assigned to review my life. She had the ability to reach inside my mind and pull out the memories and events of my life, which we reviewed together like a flickering movie. She seemed pleased with what she saw until we came upon an event when I had been extremely angry with my older brother. We watched together as I walked behind and hit him over the head with a baseball bat. Steve cried real hard and she explained that hurting another like that was never acceptable. I was totally ashamed as she moved on to the rest of the review.

When the review was over, this special woman brought me back to my father's grandparents and said that it was time for me to make a decision. I could either stay there with them, or I could go back to finish my life. My two great-grandmothers tried to convince me to stay, and they encouraged me to sit in my chair again, which I did. But soon I was up and about again because I felt unsettled. Then the special woman told me that if I decided to stay my mother on earth would be very sad. I told them that I loved my mother and I didn't want her to be sad, so I wanted to return. One of my great-grandmothers protested and said that if I was sent back it could destroy me because life was so hard on earth. The special woman told her that my decision to return must be honored and I was brought back to the place where I had been pulled through. All of the relatives were talking at once and seemed real concerned for me. They instructed me to do my studies in school and to read my books. But at the same time they seemed to be telling me what my future would bring. I remember something said about writing a book, and that I would be married and have a little girl. I also remember some ugly things, like many tanks rolling over sand dunes in a war. All of these things have come true to some degree.

The young man who pulled me through in the first place was the same one who sent me back down. He told me to let myself slide and to relax. The trip back down was not as pleasant and it happened quite quickly. The last sensation I remember was slipping back into my sick body and recalling what it felt like to be here. I immediately asked myself why I came back to such agony. Soon I opened my eyes and found my living grandmother holding my hand. I immediately told her that I was gone for a while, and that I had met her mother who was very nice. She looked absolutely stunned as the other relatives in the room assured me that it was just a dream. I knew they were wrong, but I was too sick to argue.

By Anonymous on Thursday, January 2, 2003 - 08:47 pm:

It was a Friday evening when I died. I was with friends, and we were all partying with drugs and alcohol. All night I was doing speed-balls, (heroin and cocaine), as well as drinking alcohol. It was about 9:00 p.m., and we all went into my bedroom so we could do some more drugs. While in the bedroom, I offered my friends a speed-ball, and they all declined, and instead did some cocaine. My friends expressed some concern regarding the amount of drugs I had injested, and thought that I should lay off the heroin and cocaine. I told them that I was okay, and not to worry about me, I knew what I was doing. So, I ignored their concerns, and did the speed-ball anyway.

As it turned out, that speed-ball turned out to be a lethal dose, causing me to overdose, I was clinically dead. When I crossed over, I had no idea that I was dead, I had no idea that I had lived on Earth, and had a family, there was no transition at all. I experienced the "light" while I was there. The light was not from a bulb, or in one area, it was everywhere. There is nothing on Earth that I have seen that could compare to the "light."

One would have to truly experience it for themselves in order to fully understand. I can tell you that I felt love, peace, strength, and warmth from the light. I sensed that I was surrounded by hundreds of people, but I could not see their faces or bodies, since we were in the spiritual realm. We were all standing side-by-side on what was similar to an escalator, which was constantly moving. All of a sudden the "escalator" stopped, and I was now going to be shown a review of my life, and be judged for my actions.

I remember looking up and seeing, as if it were across the sky, my sister at 6 years old, and myself at 5. In the review, I was very mean and hateful to my sister, and calling her names and making her cry. As I stood in judgment, the "light" telepathically communicated with me and informed me of my hatred. At that point, I felt overwhelmed with guilt, shame embarrassment, and humiliation. My feelings were very intense, I had never felt anything with that intensity before, I just wanted it to end, which it finally did, but it was not over!

The intense guilt and shame I experienced was the worst feeling I had ever known, but it was about to get worse. What I felt next was the worst pain I have ever experienced. Suddenly I realized that I had become my sister, I was "put" inside her so that I could now experience that gut-wrenching pain that she felt due to my actions. I have never felt any pain like the pain I was now experiencing. This was the worst feeling I have ever known, and I was begging for it to stop. I could not handle the pain anymore, and I would do anything to make it end, and suddenly it was over.

The "light" told me that the sins of a haughty spirit was the worst sin of all. At that point, the "escalator" started moving again, and it was moving in an upward motion. The "escalator" stopped again, and I was told that I am not to enter into the kingdom of heaven at this time. Instead, I was being given a second chance, I was being sent back to Earth in the physical realm. I was further told that I had to change my ways by loving instead of hating. The "light" informed me that I would not just be returned to Earth, but that I would bring the pain that I had experienced back with me. I was told that this pain would stay with me until my spirit had shed its earthly skin, that is, I would experience and carry this pain until the day that I would die.

I returned to Earth, and it would be about 3 weeks before I was on my feet again. It has been 5 months since my near death experience, and I remember everything as if it had just happened. And, yes, I did bring the pain back with me, this pain that I brought back was the pain my sister felt when I hurt her so bad. My sister's pain that I now carry, serves as a reminder of the importance of how we treat one another, and that we should love all, and hate none.

As a result of this experience, I am experiencing my spiritual awakening, and I can't wait to go out and heal and love the world.

By Anonymous on Thursday, January 2, 2003 - 08:36 pm:

I was in my parents car with my parents and my little brother. I was sitting on the rear passenger seat. My dad crossed a busy road and I saw the car coming from my side and slapped into the door where I was sitting.
I jumped high in the air and fell down on the road, then my parents car turned on itself and pushed me with it and the wheel stopped at my right ear.

I was in the deep coma, hearing everything around me but could not say a word. The screamings and cries were just unbearable to hear. I was seeing different pictures of my life and they would just pass in my mind. Everything was so heavy and I could not move neither talk. I could hear though every single sound multiplied as if there was a speaker with a echo effect on it.

Then I heard the ambulance arrive. Once inside the ambulance truck, my dad came in and started again to cry, scream and express his faults, his guiltiness about all this. I was feeling at the same time so light reaching the Light. I was in that tunnel getting closer and closer to that Light. It felt so good and light in the Light... And again, the cries of my father were just unbearable. I could not understand why there was so much pain on earth, why human beings were so much in pain because I was just fine and light.

Then I encountered beings of Light whom I called my Angels. It was awesome and they told me: "You're okay. everything is okay. dont worry." And I knew it.

Then I arrived at the Hospital and there, the nurse says loud, there is a serious case and he is dying. Then I heard that I was dead. Then nothing. I guess when they might have put chemicals in me, I quite am not sure.

Then I woke up several days later and the nurse and the surgeons could not believe it. I heard them say: "It's a Miracle!".

I had head/cranial traumas, my left eye was out of its orbit, and my right ear was damaged. My face was quite in a mess. The surgeons even could not understand how they were able to fix especially my eye. They said that it was held by a very fine ligament that could have cut off even during the surgery. But I believe the Angels held it so I did not loose my eyes.

3 to 4 weeks later I was out of the Hospital. The only effects were that I could not take any elevator of any sort because of the gravity pressure.

Years later, I heard a voice saying: Now it is your turn to contribute to other Miracles through Music.

I remember each time my parents and I would be invited somewhere, people would ask me to play the piano. I would prefer to play whatever comes to mind instead of remembering a Classic piece. And people would amazingly feel very well after me playing which I could not really believe. I thought they were being so polite to my parents or it was really true and I was freaked out.

So I kind of refused these results for years.

Now I am a Music Healer. I accepted all my experiences and the learning and teaching and the communication with the Beings of Light.

I moved to the USA in 1999. I have 2 cd's out and am recognized as a new age artist featuring with artists such as Vangelis, Yanni, Kitaro...

I also give weekly Healing Services and many healing have taken place each time.

I express my experience the most often possible so people who had that same experience and did not have the opportunity to talk about it can relate with it and open up to talk about it and heal with it.

I believe that we do not have a NDE for nothing. Everything happens for a reason. And I am more than delighted to help people around me to find what is this reason.

My healing work consists on revealing Soul's Mission with the Angels.

Thank you for reading my story.
Hope it can help.

Remember, we are never alone. We can be so helped when we open our hearts to the angels, to the beings of Light... and Life is so good!

By Anonymous on Thursday, December 26, 2002 - 09:48 pm:

One evening I went to bed as usual. During the night I had an experience. While I was sleeping I became 'mentally' aware that I had left my physical body and that I was dead.

I felt no pain, fear or concern. It felt like a completely natural state of being. I was in a pitch dark soundless void...it felt like I was in outer space...and I kept telling myself to look for the 'light'.

While I was still looking for the light, I became aware of a voice in my mind telling me to go back, it is not my time yet. I could not actually hear the voice, but it was like a thought that had been planted within my mind by someone else and I had no choice but to obey.

The next thing I remember was sitting upright in my bed gasping for breath. Although I am an asthma sufferer, this was a very mild attack and I only needed a quick puff of my medication to feel normal again. I just knew that I had died and was sent back (don’t ask me how), which was strange because at the time of this incident I did not actually believe in the afterlife or a God.

Has it changed me or my life? I cannot really say that it has, except that I now believe we have a 'soul' or something that stays alive and leaves the body...and that it feels like a very natural thing to do when it happens... I often wonder who it was that had sent me back. Was it God and was my NDE a mistake that had been made in another dimension?

By Anonymous on Thursday, December 26, 2002 - 09:44 pm:

At 6 yrs old, my brother, cousins and I went down to the lake for a swim. I could not swim, and so I stayed by the dock where I could hold on to something. My brother learned to swim by someone tossing him in the water and saying "swim or drown". I was on the dock and my brother and cousin each grabbed my hands and feet and tossed me in shouting "swim or drown".

I remember looking up at the surface of the water after awhile, and seeing my hair floating on the top of the water surface, glimmering in the sunlight. I felt no pain, or drowning sensations, only calm. Then there was a warm surrounding light. It became brighter and brighter. There were hundreds of beings -- souls -- around me, and I felt the total complete love and acceptance. Such an overwhelming love, that I could never explain with words. I was part of them, I was loved, and accepted, and wanted, and at home. I felt that they were loved ones who had passed on, but no true recognition of who they were, they just all felt familiar to me. I wanted to go with them and learn all the answers to my questions, but a large being appeared before me. She felt like a female, and I gathered that she was an entity of great authority, because the others still hovered around, but in the background, all around us. She spoke to me without words, and told me "I am sorry my child, but you must go back. It is not your time, and you have many great things that you must do first before you will be allowed to return here." I can remember being angry that I would not be allowed to stay. I remember my will resisting, and wanting to stay. I wanted to stay in this place more than anything. Time and space did not exist. Gently, she placed her hands upon my shoulders and pushed me away. I was so angry and fought it. The place was so peaceful and full of love. I can remember the sensation of falling backwards, like being pushed backwards off a two story building. When my spirit re-entered my body, it was a horrible body slam, that knocked all the wind out of me.

I awoke to the paramedics resuscitating me. I was clinically dead for 6 minutes.

After the experience, I was very aware of the world in a spiritual sense. I sensed things that others did not. I saw visions of things before they happened, and sometimes after they happened. I daydreamed alot, and could never distinguish the daydreams, from the actual visions. The visions stopped when I was 13 after a particularly traumatic vision.

I do not know what my special purpose in life is, only that I have one, and that I must fulfil it. I do not know if I will even be aware of it when it happens.

By Anonymous on Sunday, December 22, 2002 - 02:57 pm:

I was involved in a MVA with a train in June of this past year (2002).
My passenger was pronounced dead at the scene of the accident. I remained conscious throughout the entire time of the accident and following it.

My experience was the filling up of the car with white hot light. Alot of heat involved in the light. The passenger was surrounded in it, almost golden. I knew she was dead but felt almost detached like I wasn't involved. My senses seemed so intense and acute I felt pain from them, sight, sound, and smell especially. My nose filled with the scent of newborn baby's neck. (I hope this makes sense). It is a very sweet smell that babies only have for a few weeks following their births. I laid my head down for a moment and closed my eyes, felt warmer. But I felt such a PULLING at me...that I wasn't to just stop.

I could not get out of the car by the door, so I slid out the broken window like a snake and hit the ground. While lying in the ditch, I experienced sights, sounds, and smells acutely again. As before, I almost felt I was looking down upon someone else.

The only grief I felt was regret at leaving my children behind without warning and sadness at what they would have to endure following my death. I saw my cousin who was brought up with my family as a sister to me. She has been deceased since 1994. After I told the Ambulance attendant my children's names and what messages I had for them, I remember a feeling of snapping, almost. Like, a releasing of all will to live and letting go.

My injuries turned out to be fractures of the C7 vertebrae (neck), back, multiple ribs, pneumothorax (collapsed lung), internal bleeding from a tearing of my liver, head lacerations requiring stitches (50).

I was airlifted to nearest trauma center where I had other strange occurrences but am now willing to blame the heavy medication I was on following the accident.

By Anonymous on Sunday, December 22, 2002 - 02:49 pm:

In the labor room, I heard one nurse scolding another nurse because I was given two doses of Pitocin, a labor inducing drug. Everything that followed was a blur: the spinal bloc, the actual delivery.

Then I became aware that I was in a private hospital room. As in a dream, I floated to the ceiling. I recall turning to the right and being drawn to a warm, white light. I thought to myself that I felt exhilarated, free of all pain, and I had never felt so wonderful. I did not look down at my body on the stretcher/bed. I traveled at an angle, maybe a 45 degree angle. When I floated through the wall of the room, the immediate area was dark, non descript. Just ahead I saw a narrow tunnel. The warm light was visible at the end of the tunnel. My flying sped up and I was drawn to the light. I was not afraid. The tunnel walls were rough, looked rocky. The tunnel was narrow and become lighter as I approached the light.

Suddenly, I stopped just beneath a rocky ledge, on the left hand side. The mist was swirling and I had difficulty making out the figures in the background. Suddenly, my Uncle and my Grandfather stood several feet away, elevated above me. My Uncle did most of the talking. I say talking, but it was definitely telepathic. In a rush of words, I informed him that I thought I had just given birth to a baby. I wasn't sure that this baby survived the delivery. My Grandfather gestured that the baby was alive. I sighed a breath of relief. Then I told my Grandfather that my husband and I had adopted a baby boy. Told him that he was six months old. My Grandfather made a sound that I couldn't quite understand. Then my Uncle waved his arm and told me that I had to go back to take care of my babies. I hesitated and responded that I wanted to stay with them. “No”, my uncle insisted, “you must go back”. “It's not your time”. I reluctantly agreed and assured him that I had a duty to take care of my family. My Grandfather told me [telepathically], not to forget my Grandmother. He distinctly told me. I told him I would.

At that moment, my body was quickly sucked backward. I saw flashes of colored light in the tunnel; it was beautiful.

Suddenly I felt excruciating pain. Then, at that moment, I knew I was back in my body. I was very groggy, but I opened my eyes. My mother a nurse and, my husband were standing by my bedside. A day or two later, true to my word, I named my daughter in memory of my Grandmother.

By Anonymous on Sunday, December 22, 2002 - 02:38 pm:

While driving my truck I was suddenly looking at Satan, I was frightened and tried to turn and look for help or a place to run. I was unable to take my eyes from Satan. I must tell you that Satan looked just like me. Only the difference was at that time there was no recognition of self on my part. I did not know him to be me. I hope this is understandable?

While trying to turn and look for help I had the sensation of a horde of people behind me, only a sensation. This did the trick as far as relieving my fear. Then a question was put to me, "shall there be mercy?" I answered “yes”.

Immediately the scene changes to one of total sensation. I was floating in the ocean of gods love for me. That is to say, I was being permitted to know that he has, does and will always love me. I was permitted, what seemed likes many minutes, to enjoy His love.

The scene changes again, now I am feeling the effect of every selfish act, word or imagination I ever had, not as a form or type of punishment, more that I was experiencing the emotional reaction god had to my selfishness. I never knew what remorse was until that moment. The remorse was transformed into a kind of humility. Not the humility that one might expect of a saint or monk living in a monastery. No longer did I feel as if I were better or worse than anyone else, a leveling of the playing field, if you will.

It is certain to me, had I not said yes to the mercy question, I would be dead now. For the weight of my own selfishness would have crushed me.

The scene changes again, now I am being lifted up cradled or placed on ones hip as a mother or father may do to a young child, then I heard , I see, and I was looking at the earth. There is one earth with a dividing wall or curtain or some kind of veil. The veil made a complete circle around one earth, I understood this earth to be the world of everyday ordinary life. I was able to see some people walking up to and through this wall.

Others would walk up to it but could not or would not pass through. Some never seem to realize there was a wall at all. Outside the wall people were doing basically the same as those inside, living their lives. There seemed to be no distinction or biased on gods behalf. His love was equal for all.

Then I heard someone yelling, trying to get my attention. I looked up from the earth scene, what would be a due north direction, and there I see a line of people, they were talking, laughing, some seemed to be dancing, and at differing intervals the person at the head of the line would slide down into the earth scene.

The scene changes again and I am back driving my truck. For the next three or four days a variety of unusually and completely unseen events took place. Far too many to recount here. In closing I will say that being in his love was the best moment of my life. Feeling his remorse for my selfish actions, has been the worst moment of my life. It was a bittersweet experience. And I would not undo any portion of it.

By Anonymous on Sunday, December 22, 2002 - 02:23 pm:

About 3 am Sunday, September 8th, I stepped out of my hospital room and looked toward the end of the hall. My mind told me that if I could run fast enough, I could project myself into the warm, bright light I was seeing there and when I came through on the other side I would be at home with my husband and children. It was a light like none I had seen before, warm, glowing and bright like the sun. I could look right into it though and it invited me to run toward it. I ran as fast as I could and then hit that wall so hard with my head that nurses in other sections on that floor of the hospital heard it.

I staggered momentarily and fell on my back on the floor unable to move. I felt no pain and I saw three hospital employees (nurses, I guess) huddled over me. My life began to pass backwards through all the people I had loved in my life. I felt like I was on a downward spiral ride. I looked at each of the people kneeling next to me over and over again and every once in a while when I would think of a specific person, that person I was looking at would take on that image. As I recognized each face I would say the name of person and they would nod at me in an affirming way. My thoughts continued to reel backwards like a movie. It all started very fast, than slowed down and stopped when it came to Eric. Eric was my childhood boyfriend who was killed in a drunk driving accident when we were juniors in high school. I have believed for many years that Eric has been my "guardian angel." At that point, I shut my eyes and rested my head back on the floor. I heard people working feverishly around me. I realized that I wasn't breathing, but I wasn't struggling. I could hear the sound of my heart beating and it kept getting slower, and slower and slower...then it stopped. I heard someone say, "she's gone..." in a quiet whisper, then I sensed a white sheet being pulled up over my head. There was perfect silence and peacefulness, but I was not scared.

I opened my eyes and lifted my head...it was the only thing I could move. What I saw was a man's face just a few inches in front of mine. He had short brown hair and a light beard. His eyes were looking right into mine like he was trying to convey something to me with his thoughts. We did not speak. He did not touch me. We were alone together in a void of white light, everything else had disappeared. I didn't hear voices, but these thoughts came to my head. I was dying and being reborn all at the same time. I shut my eyes again and felt like I was being submerged under water. The thought I had then was that I only had to hold my breath a little longer. The thoughts in my head told me that I would hear a loud sound, see a bright light, that all I would have to do was breathe and that everything would be okay...but that my head was going to hurt pretty bad. All at once, that's exactly what happened. I exhaled with a gasp, opened my eyes and began to cry. There was major pain in my head and neck, but I could move my arms and legs again. The scene had returned to normal, but there were new hospital staff people around me and they were trying to decide what to do with me next. They eventually put me in a neck brace and on a backboard to take me for some tests and x-rays. Then they wheeled me back into my room to let me sleep.

For weeks I have tried to figure out exactly what happened to me on that floor. I didn't ask any questions to the nurses or ask to see my medical records. I actually believe that for a few moments that I was dead...or that part of me died. For awhile I thought it was Eric who I saw there in front of me, but I had my mind changed when I went to a church retreat a few weeks ago. There was a big picture of Jesus on one side of the cabin. When I looked at it, it was like a sudden flashback that took my breath away. It was the same eyes, the same face, the same expression, and I began to sob. I knew at that moment how Mary Magdalene must have felt when Jesus cast the demons from her. Jesus was at Memorial Hospital the night I was there and he came just for me...to heal me and to save me. Everyone was astonished that I had not seriously injured myself after such an impact. My doctors and nurses seemed dumbfounded that following morning that all that had been wrong with me was totally better. I didn't have a single episode after that and I was ready to go home.

I sit and think a lot. I think about that face I saw and I wonder where I was at that moment and what my true condition was. Mostly what I feel is thankfulness and love. In that moment I had lost all hope, I thought I was alone, separated from everyone on the face of this earth who cared about me. In that moment, there was only one person who could save me...little 'ol me, flat out on my back on the floor of a psyche ward. I sit and pray in quiet company of he who saved me, and weep tears of gratitude and offer words of thankfulness. It is not my body that was rescued, but my soul. My body was brought into this world March. My new spirit birthday is September.

One day, a very long time from now, I will look upon his face again as he welcomes me home for all of eternity. Until that time I will learn all I can about how to be one of his disciples. All that we have here is nothing compared to what awaits us in his Kingdom.

Details: 09 February 2003

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