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Archive through July 15, 2002

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Monday, July 15, 2002 - 11:58 pm:

It was a gorgeous summer day and traffic was heavy on the freeway. I was driving our mini-van. I was pretty stressed. My husband and I had just returned from out of state the night before with his mom, dad and their 3 dogs. His dad had a stroke the week before and they were going to stay with us while he recovered. (It ended up being a whole year.) I should probably tell you we had 6 children living at home (between the ages of 17 thru 5) and a dog of our own at the time. Life had thrown us all a curve but we were handling things as they came along. We have always taught our children that family is important. I had to pick up my paycheck so I could go food shopping before going to work at 3p.m. I was on a tight but doable schedule. God had a different plan and a wonderful sense of humor…

A car was in the median strip (on the left) with a flat tire and a group of Boy Scouts was sitting on the grass. I had been going with the flow of traffic in the high-speed lane when the car in front of me slowed to go into the grassy median to help them. As I put my foot on the brake to slow down I looked in my rearview mirror and saw the grille of a semi. Not the semi …the grille of the semi.

It was literally, my worst nightmare. I was horrified and panicked. I remember saying out loud “I cannot believe I’m going to die today!” It was about 3 seconds from the time I saw him until I was hit but those 3 seconds changed my life and me completely.

Immediately time stopped …it became eternal. I was alert, oriented and still driving throughout the entire process. I was in my body but was taken out of Earths time frame. There was no sound …all was quiet and calm. I spoke out loud throughout the entire conversation while His replies were in the form of thoughts placed in my head. With time stopping came a huge feeling of enormous love that just kept growing stronger and stronger. The panic was replaced with love that gave me such a calm feeling and I was no longer afraid. I was being hugged, big time! I had never felt love like this before. Instinctively, I knew this was God. Think of someone who loves you dearly… now multiply that feeling by about a million and maybe you will come close to how loved I felt. I could feel that there were also 2 others with me. I can’t explain how I know this but one was my grandmother. It took 7 years to figure out who the other was. I didn’t know who it was at the time!
and I will share how I found out later in this story. I really wanted to cry but there was no time.

Most of us go through our lives being taught to believe in God. I was brought up in a very strict Catholic household by parents who did not live what they demanded from us. OK… I did believe, but I was very angry with him because of my abusive childhood and life in general. Now I had been given proof (enough for me) that there really is a God. The next words out of my mouth were “Oh, sh#*! I screwed this up! There really is a God!” I was mortified at my language and this knowledge. I quickly said “Oh …sorry!” His reply to me was even greater love and a feeling of “My child, calm down, everything is just fine.” I actually felt like His child and it was a very safe and warm place. He has very loving and gentle hands.

With that, placed in front of me to see and feel was a review of my life … in color. I had to see and feel all the good I had done (and the good I didn’t even know I did). I actually could feel the joy each person felt when I touched their life in a loving way. I was getting “caught” doing something right for once in my life. During the good he was telling me “I am so proud of you!” I felt such joy for making Him so proud because I never realized what that felt like because I always felt like I couldn’t do anything right. Reviewing my random acts of kindness gave me the most joy because I was able to feel the difference I made in someone’s life that I hadn’t realized at the time …and I didn’t even know them. Little acts of kindness mean so much to God.

Also, I had to see and feel all the hurtful things I had done (even the hurtful things I didn’t know I did). I had to feel the persons’ hurt I caused. But… you know how they say in prayers that we will stand before God and be judged one day? …God was not judging me. I was looking at my actions…with God at my side loving me while I was judging myself …and believe me, no one can judge me any harsher than I already judge myself. It was like getting “caught” by my parents when doing something wrong. During the hurtful review I was so ashamed and there was no hiding. He was asking me “What different choices could you have made? What are you learning from this?” Not yelling at me and saying “How could you do that!?” or, “You’re going to Hell!” This was clearly not the punishing God I had been taught to believe in. The hardest part of this was realizing He had already forgiven me …I was having a hard time forgiving myself. He showed me how I couldn’t let His love in!
without, first, forgiving myself. Punishing myself didn’t make me better in His eyes, accepting His love was what He wanted from me. Once I was able to accept that God only loved, it was easier for me to openly and honestly look at my life. I wanted to learn as much as I could… I had so many questions. God loves me the way I love my children. Even when they do something wrong I still love them. I’m not happy with their actions but that doesn’t change my love for them. I hurt for them and …I make them take responsibility for their actions.

I had taken parenting classes and read all I could find so I wouldn’t make the same mistakes my parents did raising kids. He showed me that even though I wasn’t physically abusing my kids, I was killing them with my words. That is just a bad. I could feel their pain. I felt like such a failure. I just kept repeating, “I’m so sorry” over and over again. He just kept on loving me.

When the Life Review was over He placed in front of me why I came to Earth. I was so amazed. I was floored at how important we all are to God …especially how important I was to God. I didn’t think He knew I even existed. All the years I was beating myself up and His question to me was “Why would I go through all the trouble to make you just the way you are if I wanted you to try and be like someone else?” No one else could do the job I came here to do the way He wanted me to do it! That is why it is so important that we not be so judgemental of each other. Some of us are here to teach, some to learn and some to do both. He let me ask him questions. My first one was how could He give me the parents I had? I was shown why I had the parents, childhood and life I had. I asked for it!!! It was so clear to me …I had to go through it all to learn what I needed to learn and be able to continue my work here. I was making a lot of wrong choices because I wasn’t list!
ening to or trusting myself. I was doing what I thought I was supposed to be doing. I felt like a little mouse in a maze trying to find my way but I wasn’t getting anywhere. I understood that Earth is school and when we are done we take a final exam (the life review) and then we get to graduate and go back home. Everything made so much sense. The lesson was so simple's all about love. How much God loves us and how well we love ourselves and others.

Finally, He showed me what I still had left to do. I remember saying so matter of factly “I can do that!” I really wanted to do it. I believe I was shown this to help me make a decision because the next thing in front of me was “Do you want to stay or go?” Wow, I get a choice?

Even though my good far outweighed my bad (and I wanted to stay in His loving embrace) I desperately needed to fix the hurtful things if I had a chance to. I didn’t want to leave so many things undone before I had to leave. I also wanted to live on this Earth knowing God loved me. I replied, almost in a whisper and very very reluctantly, “But I have to stay.”

My only regret is that I said that statement so fast because the second I said that the whole “movie” in front of me closed up and my conversation with God was over. One second I was having a wonderful visit with God, my grandmother and a friend from the other side. I could even picture us having a cup of coffee together during this conversation. Only …my hands were gripped tightly on the steering wheel of the van, I was still driving and I was thinking, “I cannot believe this is happening to me!!!!” I couldn’t believe how much I had learned in 3 seconds. I had so many unanswered questions. I wanted more time. I wanted more love. I didn’t want this to end. I couldn’t believe all the things my brain could do at one time. I was disappointed that I didn’t get to “see the light” because I could feel the edges all around me …but I had made my choice. Suddenly it was over.

I was literally forced (pushed) back into reality ...Earths’ time. Everything but His love, my grandmother and friend was gone. “Gee whiz!” In my head I was told, “Take your foot off the brake and floor the gas.” I didn’t ask any questions and just did as I was told. As I hit the car in front of me the semi hit me. I clipped the car and sent it safely into the median. The truck did not jackknife. I drove about 100 feet more and went into the median and stopped because I wasn’t sure what was going to happen and didn’t want to be in the middle of it.

The thing I want to stress here is that if I had said I wanted to go, I would have been gone before the accident even happened. My family would have thought I died a horrible death being run over by a semi. The reality was that my body would have died a horrible death, not me. At the point of impact I was still being hugged safely in my cocoon of God’s love. I did not feel the accident at all. It was a different story a few hours later … I refused to go to the hospital because I felt fine. NEVER make that stupid decision. It is always a good idea to be checked out after an accident.

I sat in my van with the whole back blown out of it and kept hugging myself because I didn’t want to lose the feeling of tremendous love I had been given by God because it was still with me. I was also afraid to look back and see what had happened. Being a nurse, I felt it was my duty to help with the injured but I just couldn’t handle one more thing.

I have no idea how long it took for the police to get there but when the policeman opened the door of my van (I was still trying to breathe) I burst into tears. The cocoon of love evaporated when he opened the door. It took him awhile to figure out I was physically unhurt. The feeling of God’s love was just a memory now and emotionally I fell apart. His comment was “I don’t know how you did it, but you saved a lot of lives today because no one is hurt.” I couldn’t tell him what happened. It was hard for me to believe it myself. For once in my life I was speechless and that doesn’t happen very often to me. Just ask anyone who knows me.

Hours after the accident I started to hurt all over my body and I couldn’t move my neck. My husband took me to the emergency room that night. The doctor was surprised that I “only had whiplash”. The staff was marveling at why I was still here. I knew exactly why I was still here. I chose it. I didn’t say one word to anybody (not even my husband) because I knew if I told them what had happened to me they would admit me to the psychiatric floor! I didn’t think anyone would believe me.

Also, I said earlier that I was clearly shown my purpose here on Earth and the work I had left to do, during my Life Review. When the accident was over I couldn’t remember why I chose to come here or what I had left to do. It’s still, right on the tip of my tongue. The knowledge was taken away as soon as I said "I have to stay". So I am back to a little mouse in a maze with everybody else trying to find my way.

When things get really tough I remember what I said that day “I can do that.” It keeps me grounded and moving forward. I know for a fact that God is really watching me and I love to make him proud.

I keep a first grade picture of myself at my bedside to remind me every morning that I am a child of God. When I am faced with a difficult situation I stop a second to decide what I am going to do because I do not want to review it in a hurtful way again. I’m not perfect but I really try hard to do the right thing.

As a postscript you need to know that my husband totaled my car 7 days before this accident with me in the car. We both walked away from that accident unhurt. There was no Near Death Experience for either one of us that day. I was still pretty upset with him about losing the car. It was my first car, the one I picked out and the registration had my name on it. I loved that car. Talk about screwed up priorities. If he had not totaled my car… instead of driving an Astro Van I would have been driving a Mazda 323. This is just more proof of why I believe everything happens for a reason. There would have been no choices that day. That semi would have gone right over the top of me.

Before the accident, I had a hard time praying. Now I talk to Him the same way I carry on a conversation with anybody else (anytime and anywhere). In fact, after the first accident a week before the truck accident, I walked out to the middle of my front yard. I screamed at the sky “I know they say that God doesn’t give us anything more than we can handle. But you are blowing it, big time, right now. So just come down here and tell me what you want me to do and I will do it so you can leave me the hell alone!” My poor husband took me by the arm saying, “Come inside, the neighbors are watching.” I really had no idea He was listening to me so be careful what you ask for because I found out, very unexpectedly, just how much He cared about me. I don’t need to scream at Him anymore. I understand what he was trying to tell me now. I received his answer loud and clear.

The whole year after my accident was probably one of the hardest years of my life and I often wondered why I was stupid enough to stay here and not leave when I had the chance. I kept yelling at myself “What the heck were you thinking!?” Now, looking back at what I learned and how blessed I am today, I am so glad I stayed. When I see the rays of sun stream through the clouds (The Holy Spirit) sometimes I get really homesick. To me, God is The Light. That is Him reminding me to remember how much He loves me and I am never alone. And one day I’ll get to go back to Him forever. Until then I plan on having a good time. I look at every obstacle as an adventure now and I’m always looking for the lesson. It’s a wonderful game. Life is so much easier this way.

Probably the toughest thing for me after my NDE and working with the dying is that I am a church orphan. It is so difficult for me to sit still during the mass and not stand up and scream "No, you guys, he's lying ...this isn't how it works!" I have tried quite a few different religious services but I haven't found one that feels like home. Actually I feel like I go to church 12 hours, 2 days a week (at work). I would love to find a church where other people understand what I understand.

About my friend from the other side:
Two days after the accident, with my cervical collar on and a very sore body, I went to church. I had some serious thanking to do. Before mass, a lady I know came up to me and asked me about my accident. One of her questions to me was “Who was with you?” I replied timidly “uh …God and my grandmother.” She smiled and asked “Who else?” I was very reluctant to tell her, but I told her about my mystery friend from the other side anyway. She didn’t think I was nuts and told me I could find out their name by asking. I was very skeptical but I felt much better after talking with her. After mass another lady I didn’t know came up to me and asked me about the accident …we had almost the same conversation! I was not the only one this had happened to. We were connected by a shared experience... a Near Death Experience. They knew what I knew! They both had the names of the persons with them.

Well, I asked on a daily basis for a while and finally gave up trying to get the name of this person who is actually still with me. Seven years later I was watching a TV program that was about Near Death Experiences and our Spirit Guides from the other side. They explained a different way of asking for a name. That night before I went to bed I asked, out loud, to be given their name in a dream and please help me remember it in the morning. My brain woke up first before my eyes opened and I had a name in my head just like the conversation I had with God during my Life Review. I was given the name Amy. How I knew this was real is that when I tried to argue with it, it just kept getting louder and more insistent in my head. Most of my family and friends all have names now. Some have more than one and a few were given the names by just asking (like I was told to do 7 years before). The more I am open to the possibility of help from the other side, the more help I a!
m given. I stopped trying to explain everything away. I talk to Amy all the time. If you are not sure you have someone with you, let me explain it this way. When I am having a problem with something, I go to sleep and dream about it and when I wake up in the morning I have an answer to my problem. That is Amy helping me. There are a lot of times that I don’t even have to go to sleep to get an answer now. Her help has been, and still is, priceless to me. I look forward to seeing her again, one day.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, June 16, 2002 - 11:43 pm:

I was having an Asthma attack, and got steadily worse WITHOUT REALISING IT. I eventually reached a point where I knew I was in trouble, so I lay down in front of my door so that my body would be found, and a being of light that glowed like the sun appeared in front of me. The background was a pure white, and gave off the occasional flash of what looked like lightning. The being was a male. He told me by THOUGHT that the World was now in the time called Armageddon, and few people knew it. I then saw a Chinese soldier in a state of hell. I had the STRONG impression that the end of the World culture as we know it was coming to a spectacular end VERY SOON.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, June 16, 2002 - 11:38 pm:

I climbed out of my crib in the middle of the night. I remember falling and hitting the floor. The next thing I remember is watching my mother and father run into the room and pick me up. I was watching from higher up, kind of like I was back in my crib looking down at myself. I never talked about this until I was in my teens (not for any specific reason), and I can describe exactly what happened (how my body was laying on the ground, who came in the room first, etc.) to my parents. When my mother picked me up, is pretty much the end of the experience. She did say I was not breathing when she picked me up. She shook me and I started breathing again. I saw no bright lights or people or anything. I just felt like I was in my room at night looking down at myself from my crib.

Sometimes I wonder if I just over heard someone talking about this and I generated the imagery in my head????

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, June 16, 2002 - 11:33 pm:

Hard to explain, remember dieing but, not a near death. It was death and knowing I was dead.

It was dark and I saw the light .I was wondering why I died. What happened? And, thinking it must have been a fast death, then a fear that if I didn’t go into the light I would be lost. And that I remember someone or a feeling to go to the light or something bad might happen.

Then I went to the light. Don’t know how long I was in the light. The light was instant to me.

I opened my eyes. I was lying on someone’s lap. I was lost and scared. Wondering who this person is where am I? I was in a new body. New place. A new life.
I had hard time with all of it. I was starting over.

There is a big curiosity about life after death /near death/I had death and life and every thing in between.

The mind is not the person. It’s the electricity that makes the body work?

I have feelings and scared about my past life. My mind has stored the things I liked and what scared me or killed me in past life. And they haunt me every day.

It’s just what I know. Take it as you wish.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Monday, June 10, 2002 - 07:50 pm:

I had been fighting depression and bodily changes due to menopause for approximately three years. On hindsight, I now believe my battle with aging was mainly due to the fact that my husband was eight years younger than I and, he was coming home to the children and me less and less. At the time I was "focused on the family" and began to educate myself on the family problems in hopes of solving some of the problems facing my two young boys and the fear of a failing marriage. I was under the impression I could not "make it" on my own. Later, after the near death experience, I would have to focus on myself, which was something I rarely did.

Depression consumed me as attempts to mend my marriage and fear of what the children might suffer. It seemed I would never stop crying. I was prescribed estrogen, Xnax, and anti-depressants. I was diagnosed as Attention Deficit, I counseled with church friends, and I prayed. Mostly, I feared. I had become a millionaire with a high school GPA of 1.9 and had felt I was at the peak of my life. I had overcome so many obstacles to get to where I was. I had become successful which was a feeling I never experienced in my academic schooling.

Although I could not imagine the thought at the time, my husband was preoccupied in affairs not totally pertaining to our jointly owned business. I began to lose control. Focus on my children faded as did housework and hobbies. I had lost all "my happy thoughts."

After putting the children to bed early January, 1995, I closed and locked my bedroom door with a bottle of merlot, a bottle of Xanex and a bottle of Ritalin. I kept taking Ritalin to focus, but the more I focused the more I began to panic uncontrollably. To counter the panic, I would take Xanax. I began to write and drink wine. I wrote what I now recall a "suicide note." My speech was slurred. I called my husband who was vacationing at a ski resort in an attempt for rescue. He did not want to talk to me. I had lost hope. I had "failed," as if I had failed a test once again. I was broken.

After hanging up the phone, I went into my private bathroom and locked the door. I went into my walk-in closet, closed the louvered doors, lit candles and prayed in Jesus' name that God would take care of my children. At one point, I went back out into my bathroom to drink another glass of wine when a voice inside my head said,” You drink one more sip of wine and you are dead." Looking in the mirror, I saw myself imaged and poured the wine down the sink. Back in the walk-in closet I laid down on the floor and drifted in and out of consciousness. There came a point in time where the sequences of the experience are unclear. But this I clearly remember. I was everywhere. Although in the walk-in closet, I saw the light coming in the bay window into my bathroom. It filtered through the louvered slats of the walk-in closet. I became aware of someone bodily standing over me near the ceiling of the closet. As I became aware of the being, I lifted myself out of my body sitting in complete surprise uttering, "!@#$! I'm going to die." The being came level with me on the floor and began to lift me up into space. It was an angel with huge, magnificent wings. I was held tight and secure to it's chest and covered by the down in the feathered wings. I was free, and I was comforted, as I had never felt in my life. Before we exited the ceiling another angel came with us. An intense buzzing took over my head and there was nothing I could do about anything. Anything that could have been "me" was gone.

I remember rushing through the dark tunnel hearing voices as we sped by. I remember seeing the light waiting my turn. Somehow I was "told" it was not my turn. Arguing that I was in line waiting, I was taken from the end of the line and showed a tour of a city of light, a library filled with an unfathomable quantity of books. I was shown a river like glass. I was shown an immense door with symbols and I remember knowing one of them, although I could not tell anyone now what that symbol was. It seemed that I died over and over again that night while I drifted in and out of consciousness. I believe I experienced my death over many past lives.

I met my relatives over and over again. I was at a "birthday" party with my father's family in a house I lived in from ages 4 to 7. I remember gambling and learning how to control my facial expressions from my grandmother. I was in a dark cave and called out to the outside to step into the light. In the cave I was afraid to step outside until I heard the voice of my great aunt, someone who had never hurt me, say, "What
about me? Don't you trust me?" And then I stepped out of the cave. I remember being very small in the hand of Buddha. I felt a tugging at my spine and a rushing of energy shoot out of my spine and something gagging in my mouth. The last I remember was being six years old and sitting on Santa Claus' lap. He was telling me that returning was my choice. I did not have to if I didn't want to. He told me it would be very difficult for me. Somehow I got the message that my children needed me. And I decided to return to life with them as my purpose, my meaning.

I had also had a life review and a life preview. I had a memory of being with aliens on a spacecraft.

At one point before out-of-body I had intense pain start at my toes and work it's way to my knees; the pain so bad I lost consciousness.

After returning to life, I became intensely focused on learning. Poetry just started coming out of me as an expression.

I did have revelatory impressions and would want to share them but will just submit this information now as I have tried many times to write an explanation and this is the first time I have been able to complete this narrative.

There is more, should you want it.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Monday, June 10, 2002 - 07:38 pm:

I purposefully and soberly took an overdose of tranquilizers, due to extreme depression and a sense of hopelessness. I was told that I took 1 1/2 time the lethal dose (doxepin), and should have been dead in 4-5 hrs. I was found unconscious in my room approx. 9 hrs later.

I awoke briefly in the emergency room of the hospital with paramedics yelling at me to turn my head and throw up (they had put a tube through my throat into my stomach filled with a charcoal mixture). I slowly faded out of consciousness again hearing their faint yelling "get the paddles...he's code blue".

I then remember a great flash of bright light and sense of traveling a great distance in what seemed almost instantaneous.

I found myself standing on bright green grass completely surrounded by a red-brick circular structure approx. 50 ft. high, with no roof...the sky was clear and bright blue. Looking around the circumference from within, I saw 5 doors of what appeared to be thick reddish oak (each door was about ten feet high by 5 ft. wide, and each had a silver handle). There were no markings on the doors...they were all identical. I chose a door by what I thought was a random choice, opened it, and walked into a vacuum of gently swirling white and pale yellow light, accompanied by the absolute knowledge of serenity and peace.

I immediately knew that my soul would have to return to its earthly plane, but I was (and remain) absolutely convinced that the soul is eternal, and when it is our time to pass on it is the individual's choice to remain in whatever their belief "heaven" is, or to return as a more sensitive, spiritual, evolved person to continue our spiritual fulfillment and become more enlightened. I knew that I would choose to keep coming back and learning more and more, and help others in the process if I could.

Anyway, I faded in and out of consciousness in intensive care for a couple of days. When the doctor and I finally discussed what had happened, he told me I died on the table twice, for a total of approx. 8 minutes.

I told him I had had an epiphany, but did not elaborate. In fact, this is the first time I have told anybody in such detail as to what happened. Not because I care if I am believed or not, but because of my somewhat "shyness to share". Perhaps its because I tried once with my girlfriend and could "feel" her inability to comprehend or truly understand.

However, I know what happened, and I can also see in others their surprise, relief, and happiness at having me near them and "knowing" I can sense their feelings, and give them relief and comfort.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Monday, June 10, 2002 - 07:31 pm:

I had been sick for a couple of weeks with a horrible sore throat and fever. I had gone to the ER, but because we had no insurance they wouldn’t take me.

I had a 2 year old son at the time and my husband traveled, so I had to muttle through with this sickness. One night at the peak of the illness, everyone was sleeping. My 2 year old son was in his room and my husband and I were asleep in our bed.

I woke up (or so I thought) to see a tunnel above the bed. The sides were many colors with sparkling orbs of many colors. I was holding my husbands hand, but felt myself being pulled gently up the tunnel. The closer I got to the top the better I felt. It was so very peaceful and the light at the end was a white I had never seen before. I wanted to be there, it was like floating on a perfectly warm ocean. As I got closer to the top a man appeared, I had never seen him before but he had a wonderful smile. He spoke to me but never moved his lips, but I could hear him clearly. He took my hand, and told me I had a choice, I could stay, or go with him. I wanted to go with him. As I moved closer to him I heard my son cry. As I turned to look down, I saw myself below on the bed still holding my husbands hand, but the me who was above the bed, had hold of both hands. (The me on the bed and my husbands) My other hand was still being held by the man. I remember thinking about how my irresponsible husband was going to take care of my son without me, and the next thing I know, the man had let go of my hand. I was very sad that I couldn’t go with him. But I knew I had to take care of my son. I used the 2 hands I was still holding to pull myself down to the bed.

When I looked up the tunnel was gone.

I went to go check on my son who was still fast asleep.

I woke the next morning, perfectly healthy, with no sign of the illness.

A few weeks later, my mom and I were cleaning my grandmothers house when I came upon a picture of the man, and asked my mom who he was and she informed me it was my grandfather who had died when I was 5 and had never met him.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Monday, June 10, 2002 - 07:22 pm:

After coming to consciousness, I found myself face to face with my own body hanging lifeless in front of me.

This experience was a bit frightening in the beginning, as I knew this was an accident.

After being swept away into a black void for what seemed like a moment, I found myself traveling down a path where there were lights up ahead. These lights were of burning torchlights and there were people in the distant laughing and what seemed like carousing.

I was met by a young man which seemed to me as if I knew him from somewhere. I told this person I needed to get back to where I came and I knew I wasn't supposed to be here. I could feel such warmth radiating from this person such a comfortable feeling. As I stood there it seemed as if so much information was pouring into my consciousness that it was difficult to remain focused on getting back to where I belonged.

Continuing to move forward, there was a great body of water and I believed the only way to get back to where I came was across the water. He urged me not to go but I insisted on going into the water. I was helpless at that point, unable to swim, I just sank with my arms and legs flailing about. A hand reached in and pulled me from the water and as I stood before this being, he pointed in the opposite direction and told me to hurry, my time was short.

I had a rather large gasp of air and could feel the blood whooshing through my body as I awoke.

The estimated elapsed time was 6 mins.

Afterwards there was a great deal of inner conflict with most every aspect of my life. I don't consider this a particular frightening experience, however after allowing the information I received, one more of a discerning and transcending nature.

What was once important to me is no longer in many aspects.

It remains difficult to talk of this incident to certain people due to manners of myopic thinking.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Monday, June 10, 2002 - 07:14 pm:

I had been hospitalized about a month before my baby was born.

I had vaginal bleeding and my water bag had started to leak. On June 6, 2001, my doctor decided to take my 28 week baby out via C Section. I had started to release pieces of tissue, and my doctor suspected a rupture of the placenta.

I was taken to the operating room and I began to get really nervous and felt very cautious about the procedure. (This was unusual because I am usually very carefree and feel that everything is under control.) In fact, I began to look each and every person who was there directly in the face. Kind of like I needed to remember them clearly???

My son was delivered at 7:40 in the evening and everything seemed to be going well. All of a sudden I began to feel very hot. I felt like there was a heavy weight on my chest, and I could not breathe.

My doctor began to raise his voice about getting in touch with the blood bank. My husband was asked to leave the room. I wanted to call out for him to stay, but the words just wouldn't come out. I began to fall into a deep sleep. This is where it gets kind of funky. I felt really light, like the feather that floats around in the movie Forrest Gump. I began to see an ivory light and a maze like shape that kept going around and around, but in a square pattern. I began to see all of my memories. I began to feel a magnetic pull. It was strong. It started off slow, and began to pull with more and more force. I didn't see angels or God, but I was talking to what I believe was God or Jesus. I was really worried about my newborn. I kept asking if he was breathing. I HAD to know if his lungs were working. All I remember after that is repeating, "I have to see if my baby is breathing" over and over.

Then I started hearing strange voices. They were muffled. Then they became clearer and clearer. It was the surgical team cheering. "Here she comes" "She's back" "Good Morning Sleeping Beauty" I remember looking up and seeing blood in a circular IV bag dripping into my IV.

I knew everything before I was even told-maybe because subconsciously I heard EVERYTHING????? All of a sudden I felt like I could read everybody's mind or soul or something? In fact, 11 days later...on Father's Day, my son had to get emergency surgery on his intestines and nearly died of septic shock, I prayed and prayed and he made it thru. I felt really close to God. For a few months after all of that, I felt really pure. Really in balance with nature and emotions.

Unfortunately, I am back to "normal". I mean I don't feel as pure and wholesome anymore. I still get really emotional about it all, but I keep it bottled up. I am so afraid of being called a liar or a drama queen. I am almost embarrassed to send/write this. I feel like I've heard too many stories for it to be real...yet I KNOW it is. I have NO DOUBTS about death anymore. I know I will not rot away in a grave somewhere.

I guess that’s it.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Monday, June 10, 2002 - 07:05 pm:

Coming up on the Christmas holidays of 1997, I scratched my shin on the step of the truck I was driving. My right leg was already starting to swell from an old spider bite. (Black Widow)

I was in El Paso, Texas then headed to L.A. By the time I made my delivery I was already feverish, experiencing these fevers before, I wanted to make it back to Oklahoma before I came down ill. This is where my partner was (now my wife), so I could be close to her before I got worse.These fevers were severe, I have hit 106 degrees and wanted to have her near me in case it was my time to pass on.

The company didn't have any loads at the time so I took some Tylenol to calm the fever, usually works but this time it didn't.

Both my legs were swollen and turning blue, I thought I would lay down for a little bit then go see a doctor.

Things didn't go that easy, first I could feel the strength going out of my body. Lying in my bunk in the truck I knew my time was up, I shut my eyes and gave my soul to God. I have accepted Christ as my savior a long time ago, so I wasn't afraid but the question of how vast was God came to mind.

When I woke I realized there was nothing in front of me or behind me, no light was in front of me or my folks that passed on before were not with me. I couldn't see my body because there was no body and actually no thought of mind. My train of thought began coming slowly but there was no worry, just curious.

Then I could see a small pinhole of a light, wanting to know about it, suddenly I was there. Entering into a light but not what I expected, I went through and saw billions of galaxies. Farther than the spiritual eye could see. Thought not really in control but still wanting to know more I spotted a blue planet. I guess I thought it was earth and wanted to go, suddenly I was there and it was not earth.

I was in a city with buildings made of what appeared of glass. There were no seams in the buildings. It was as if a giant glass blower had blown the buildings from ground up.
Wishing I could see home, I began to travel, so fast that all the stars in all the galaxies began to blend together, like one massive tunnel of light.
It took a long while even though I was traveling faster than anything I ever saw on any science fiction movie. Everything blending together so fast I even felt sick.

There was earth in front of me, and thought in more control, I wanted to see my body. Again I began to travel at a high rate of speed with all light blending together. From a great distance I could see my body in the truck, I hit with such an impact that my body raised up of the bunk and I was awake.

I was still ill, and wanted to go back.

If I had the ability to do this again, maybe I could see what I could do for man.

It happened again, I got answers by way of visions.
Those I will tell later the story is to long.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Monday, June 10, 2002 - 06:56 pm:

My story is not a long drawn out one. At the age of 48 I came out of the "closet". I was married for 26 years and had two grown sons. When I came out I did so as if there was no tomorrow.

My ex wife...already had a lover, unknown to me. She really got on with her life. My sons and family accepted me fully and happily. I was a happy man. I moved to Houston from a small town. Met the man of my dreams and intended to live happily ever after.

For whatever reason I began to suffer major depression and in no time was in trouble. On the day before Easter I was cleaning house getting ready for company. The last thing I remember is putting out flowers and lighting candles. That was about noon.

My partner came home from work around 7pm and found me not breathing and gray. He called 911 and tried to get me to breath. From what I know now. EMS found me not breathing...they used paddles on me to shock my heart and air to supply the brain. I had taken a lethal amount of sleeping pills, enough to kill many people, hours earlier. I still do not remember taking them.


It seems that when they had me in the ambulance they had lost me completely. Only after I was in the emergency room were my vital signs stabilized.
This happened once seems they lost me later that night after they had told my family that I had only 1% chance of waking up and even then I would be very brain damaged.

This time the near death Exp was the exact same except that...this time when the plane glided to a stop on the shore I could hear my own voice saying "NO" out loud and the white plane turned around and flew off onto the very hot, very bright sky...I woke up...Only then did I learn I had been unconscious for seven days.

I truly believe I was given a choice to live or die. It was up to my will!

It has truly changed how I feel about life and death. The Drs were astonished that I pulled through...they had already gathered all my family to be there for my passing. I still feel a very real presence was all around me. I was not alone!

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, June 9, 2002 - 07:30 pm:

I was twelve years old. I was with my family at the local city swimming pool. It was about 4pm on a Friday in June. I had been swimming for over 4 hours and it was time to go home. I talked my mother into letting me dive off the high dive one last time.

I climbed the ladder, stepped right before the board, my foot slipped off the step and I slid down the ladder about half way down my hands let go and, I fell, hitting the low diving board. I bounced into the air and came down on the side of the concrete pool. Landed in the water of twelve foot and was knocked out.

I went to the bottom of the pool. About 10 minutes later the lifeguard found me on the bottom and pulled me out started C.P.R. and called 911. My mother was a E.M.T. at the time and helped the life guard with C.P.R.. The ambulance came by this time.

I was out of my body and above the whole scene. I heard the lifeguard tell my mother that I was gone. I saw my father who was called to the pool and he was trying to pull my mother off me saying that I was gone to let me go. I heard and saw my mother tell me not to die and then I went to a bright light when the clouds parted there was the pearly gates open and I never felt so much love and safety in my life. There just inside the gates was my great-grand mother who died in 1972 standing there smiling at me I ran to her and tried to go inside the gates and I was not able to cross. Grandma stood there just behind her was a man who looked like Jesus. I told grandma I wanted to stay and she just shook her head no and waved good-bye to me then I came back down.

The next thing I remember was coughing up water.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, June 9, 2002 - 07:18 pm:

The nurse's aid spilled anesthetic and I think I was overdosed with ether? Or Chloroform? I shook my head to avoid going under.

I entered a long tunnel, rather like an enclosed child's slide. It was dark. But as I slid down, there was a bright light at the end of the tunnel.

I popped out and there were many people there to greet me. I recognized my sister who had died and my grandfather. I recognized relatives; I KNEW them somehow, even though they were much younger. There was a beautiful scene behind them of a landscape. They might have been behind a fence for they did not come up to me.

Then I saw some sort of being; so bright I could not see a face. I directed my attention to the being. Suddenly, I realized I was a small child and I was re-living my life rapidly but it did not seem to be zipping by. Then it paused at a particularly bad moment. The figure mentally asked me what I thought of that action of mine. I could see a sort of ripple effect on the other person. I immediately was sorry I had done it. Life resumed. Another pause. Again the figure asked in a very kindly way what I thought about it. Again, I regretted doing what I did. Life resumed. At each incident, there was a pause, I could sense how my action affected the person I had hurt or been unkind to. This went on until I came to the present moment and I said I had to go back, I had a husband and a baby to take care of. I must go back.

Suddenly, I was shaking my head from side to side and I came to on a stretcher in the hospital.

That experience was nearly 60 years ago and yet I remember it happening quite vividly. I do not remember details of my life experience except at the time there were things I had forgotten. It was like a movie I was watching, with me as the star. It reviewed every single thing I ever experienced. I have dreams I forget before breakfast. This was not a dream.

The bright figure was very gentle, kind and loving. He/she was dressed in a long white gown. There was no attempt to keep me there.

It did not make me perfect by any means, but it made me treat people in a kinder way.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Friday, June 7, 2002 - 08:12 pm:

All I know is that I was asleep, possibly having a dream; then suddenly, as when you switch channels using the remote, I found myself -and I had a very strong feeling of being myself, the real me, not in a dream, not in my body- floating, so to speak, in a very dark environment.

I felt -and knew- that there was no liquid or fluid, no air, where I was; however, I felt no need to breath. But the most extraordinary thing was the feeling of being at peace, no worries, no fear; nothing but the most incredible feeling of being just fine. It was as if I knew where I was and that everything was the way it was supposed to be.

I was pondering about the situation when I noticed light from "above; I looked up and saw a circular opening, as if I were looking up from the bottom of a well; that's where the strong white light was coming from. When I looked up to the light I noticed several human shapes, four or five of them, that were looking down, towards where I was. I could see their heads and shoulders around the rim. When they saw me looking at them, they began to call me, moving their hands -there was no sound- indicating to me to come to them.

I tried to swim or propel myself upwards somehow, but apparently did not know how to, so one of the figures -they all appeared as silhouettes, black against the strong white light- jumped into the dark space I was in, and again motioned for me to come. I did move my arms and legs, as when one is diving, but to no avail. So the one shape began "diving" towards me, with one outstretched arm, trying to reach me. I reached up for that extended hand and, at the very moment that I was about to touch this being's hand, I felt a strong tug downwards. It felt as if my feet had suddenly become heavy. This "heaviness" crept up my legs very fast. I was being pulled away.

At that point I woke up, when I slammed my arm (left) across my poor wife's chest, waking her up. I felt my pulse; my heart was racing, over 120 heartbeats per minute, way over! However, there was no adrenaline rush at all. I was still filled with that incredible sense of peace I'd felt during this... episode. So much so that I wanted to somehow go back, or wished I had not returned. I wanted to explain everything to my wife, and did. But she thought I had had a dream. I know I was not dreaming.

After this incident. Since I knew that I had a problem with snoring; my wife would elbow me, jab me in the ribs, kick even, to get me started again whenever I stopped breathing. My problem was causing me to feel tired every day, always in need of sleep. It got so bad that I stopped driving to work, and began to use a commuter train to get to work.

After the incident, and at my wife's insistence, I went to see a sleep specialist, who had me spend a couple of nights at the hospital, monitoring my breathing. They told me that I stopped breathing close to fifty times every hour, and that I barely ever achieved REM (rapid eye movement) while sleeping. My blood oxygen levels would fall dangerously below 90%, so I could have a heart attack in my sleep, unless I did something about the problem. I ended up attached to a C-PAP machine every night. I feel a lot better now, more rested, more productive. But that is not all.

Up to the point of my "incident", I was an agnostic at best, some would call me an atheist, perhaps. After my experience, I was convinced -and still am- that what I experienced has nothing to do with any religion, per se, that there is an after life and we all will go on living in this other realm, albeit not in our bodies. That doesn't matter, though, because we are not our body, we just inhabit it while we live in this world.

I felt like telling people that they should stop worrying about life and death, that everything will be alright, that the explanations will come afterwards. All we need to know is that yes, there is a plan, and that we will find out what it all means when we go back home. But it is difficult to go about telling people about it. First of all, most people look at you as if you were out of your mind. Then you begin to realize that yes, your experience was quite out of the ordinary, and perhaps you would not have believed anyone who came up to you with such a story.

Before my experience, if someone close to me had told me of a similar experience, I would have worried about that person's mental health. If a stranger approached me with it, I would have tried to put a good distance between me and him. So I don't tell my story to anyone, any longer. There may be about five people I told it to, in all, including my wife and my son.

The sense that I have now is that I know something wonderful, that it is open to all of us to experience it sooner or later, that we somehow are all connected and we should help -and love- each other. I am free now; I have no fear of death at all. I have come to realize that I am (exist) in function of what I do for others. If I had to live my life just for myself, my being alive would have no meaning at all. I am here on a mission, I don't know exactly what that mission is, but I know it has to do with being useful to others and to love everyone as I love those closest to me. I have done a few things in that area, and I am really happy. You can't imagine what a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

Yes, there is life after death. Yes everything we do and have to go through in life has a meaning. When we die, we actually go back to living, and there is peace and love there; much more than you can imagine. I have joined a church, now, because I do believe now in the existence of a supreme being, but I still think that it is not a matter of which church, or what religion you belong to. We will all go home one day.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Wednesday, June 5, 2002 - 08:28 pm:

I was a little kid (About 7 Or 8 Years Old) living a normal life and had a basic sick day that day. We lived in an apartment and I went to sleep on my parent’s bed. As I was sleeping, all of the sudden I was looking at my self from above my body. I was wondering if I was just dreaming, but it felt so realistic. I was above my body for a while then I started floating out the room slowly toward the dining room. As I was floating, I looked at my self, expecting to see my body but I had nothing. Then I tried moving my arms and legs but there was nothing, it felt like my whole body was tied up together. I couldn’t blink my eyes then I saw my mom in the kitchen washing the dishes, I tried to say something to her but it felt like I had no mouth. Then I wanted to struggle but couldn’t move, I felt that I was about to leave through the kitchen window, I really wanted to open my mouth then when it felt like I did, very quickly, I flew back to my body.

I’m not sure if I woke up right away or not, but I remember after I woke up, thinking about the weird experience I had, I went to the kitchen and my mom was washing the dishes just like I saw her. I never thought about it being a near death experience cause I had no knowledge of such a thing, I just thought maybe My Soul left for a while. I never told anyone for many years, I told my Mom around 14 years old and she said that sometimes she goes through that.

I had another experience, on the same bed around the same age though this time I was looking at my self for less than a minute it felt like and I went back to my body. Both occurred during daytime.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Wednesday, June 5, 2002 - 08:22 pm:

One evening in 1968 I decided to test something my college philosophy professor had said, that we could never see our soul because what did the looking was that which we attempted to see.

Being who I am, I could not accept that without first trying to prove/disprove it myself.

(For the record, I lived at home then in a very strict Catholic family, with an abusive father who would have beaten me to an inch of my life if I ever used or experimented with drugs of any sort. So, no, this was not some 1960's hippie's drug dream or experience. I was simply a naive, but very intelligent and willful young woman.)

I was determined to see if I could "see my soul" or "find myself inside." I closed the door to my room, lay on the bed and relaxed each part of my body. I had never read or had any training in meditative techniques, but I somehow did it instinctively. I looked within, not knowing exactly what I expected to see. Somehow I managed to blank out all thoughts except my desire to see my soul, myself.

After a time I saw a tiny white spot in great darkness. I focused on it, thinking maybe that was my soul. I did my best to "catch up with it" and come closer. At some point I became away of the strangest thing. I was following this spot, but I could see my own body below me on the bed. I knew it was me, but I also knew that "me" was what was doing the looking somehow. I didn't feel like a spirit or anything. I felt just like, well, me. My mind, who I was and always had been, but without the body.

At the moment it struck me that if anyone walked into the room, they would think I was dead. I remember hoping that no one would come in or move my body because I wasn't sure I could find it again if they did. I was certain my body had to stay in that exact place or I would die.

This bothered me a little, but I also still had an intense desire to see that spot up close. I wasn't sure if I had already proved the professor wrong--I was in two places, after all, and I could see me--my body at least--so wasn't it the "I" that was doing the looking at the body below? I still had the feeling that the little spot was my soul, something more of me, the essence perhaps, and I didn't want to leave any stone unturned if the professor questioned me in detail. LOL! Knowing me, I am fairly sure I didn't want to ignore anything he could use to discount my proving him wrong, that we COULD see the looker if we looked.

So, even the sight of my body lying below me couldn't stop me from following that spot of light. I refocused on it and things changed. I sensed that I was beginning to move faster. Quite fast actually. I heard sounds as if I was "whoosing" through air. I got the feeling that it wasn't just my body below me now. Earth was below me and I was in space or something like it and I was going at the speed of light, never taking my eye off that white spot, which now grew larger and brighter.

As I came closer to the light I felt a tremendous feeling--love, something wonderful, a place I could enter that was very good. But a new fear hit me. I understood without a doubt that if I entered that light I would die; the body on my bed would remain exactly that--a dead body. I wasn't afraid of dying, but the Catholic in me wasn't sure if this would be suicide because I had willed it somehow myself. Since suicide was a mortal sin, wouldn't I end up in hell? I understood that it was not my time and I shouldn't be there or go into the light fully. I didn't hear anyone speak to me. I just knew it wasn't my time, that I would die if I went into that light, and this was wrong.

The split second that I decided I wanted to end the experience and "go back home," I found myself back in my body on my bed. No transition or anything like that. I was just back and "awake."

I don't recall coming back from the experience with the knowledge that I "knew" new things. Within a short time, though, I realized my view of the world had changed.

I began telling my friends that we were all one and should never harm each other; that what was done to one was done to all. Some laughed, some asked me to explain, some just figured I had become a "dove" or "peacenik." I don't remember exactly what the philosophy teacher said, but I remember a kind of sarcastic smile, like "Yeah, right!" and feeling put down, that what I had done was not a "valid" testable experiment and I was slightly crazy.

I wrote a paper for my English class that I thought was wonderful. It explained what had happened, what I had learned, that there is nothing to fear in death if my experience was true, but lots to learn from it about life. I still remember the C I got (I was an A student and that disturbed me) because the English professor thought what I had written was unfounded trash with no basis in reality, a waste of my writing skills and his time. From that point on I became much more reticent about speaking of the experience.

Within that paper and to those who asked why I believed we were all one, I explained that everything is "the universe," one thing, made entirely of atoms. Humans, animals, the earth, the stars, things we could feel and touch were areas where the atoms were denser, that's all. It wasn't "empty space" between us, but areas of less concentration, that's all. So, to hurt someone else was to hurt myself, no matter how far about geographically we were in the world.

I don't recall reading anything of the sort elsewhere and it seemed like an entirely new explanation of the world and people to me. Something I was given, not something I had learned. And, yes, it did change my view of the war in Nam. I became, and have remained lifelong, an advocate of non-violence.

I realized in a short time that my very Catholic outlook on life had changed to a more pantheistic one. Not just that God was immanent within His creation, but the creation was all a part of God, maybe God itself. You have to remember this was 1968-69, long before "New Age" theologies began to blossom or anyone--except maybe Moody--had even heard of NDEs. I didn't even know that term until about 8-10 years later when I read Moody's first book, Life After Life.

I was shocked when I did read it--but thrilled that somehow I wasn't alone in this strange experience. I literally had goosebumps and ran downstairs to my girlfriend's apartment to tell her about it and my experience when I was younger.

The book exactly described my experience, something I rarely ever told others about since I was ridiculed when I was 18 for recounting the experience to others. However, I am convinced to this day that it was not something I could have read about or learned about in any other way. As far as I know, Moody's book was the first time I saw the term near death experience and the first time I realized this wasn't some freak thing that had happened to me.

However, I was also struck by the fact that my experience, unlike those retold in the book, had nothing to do with death (except for the feeling I had that others would have thought me dead if they walked into the room while it was happening), illness or accident. I had willed it, chosen it somehow while in a perfectly healthy state--or it had been given to me in my stupidity, desire and single-mindedness. I'm not sure which.

However, I have always wondered if there aren't many more like me who have actively participated in the process; if somehow this possibility might hold a key to explaining what NDE's are.

Over the years, I have thought about trying it again, but never did. I can't say I am afraid because my fear of death left with that experience. I never cry or feel sad at funerals, except for the ones left behind. They are the ones who feel the pain of separation. My belief that we "go" somewhere after death has never left me or wavered in the least.

However, there is an element of fear in that I simply know this shouldn't be done haphazardly. I get a sense of being lucky that time and that I shouldn't press my luck :)

In the years since, though, I have followed a contemplative sort of prayer life. Seemed natural to me, but I never used prayer time to "see me" or cross that line again. I have since had one experience that Martin Buber might call the "dissolution of the I-Thou relationship," close in nature to my earlier experience, but totally different in the experience. No tunnel, no light, no separation of body/mind/soul. However, I believe it may have been what would have occurred had I entered the Light when I was younger. A perfect understanding that I was Freedom and I was Love, and that was the nature of God. Not just that I understood those concepts, but that I WAS those things in reality. My identity actually became Freedom and love for a short space of time.

I came away from that experience with the knowledge that I am not God, but God is me. For that reason, I believe the two experiences are related. The second clarified the first.

I believe that at that point my search for God was over. I found Hir and the rest of life has been and will be merely living that knowledge as best I can.

I have always been curious if other contemplative, meditative people have had this experience, and what that might mean.

In conclusion, I just wanted to say that I hope someplace someone is studying self-induced NDE's. Studying the experience in healthy people, not induced mechanically or chemically, but by an act of the will. Might add a lot to the research already done.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, June 2, 2002 - 10:36 pm:

The chill went up my spine and it awoken me instantly. I knew I was in trouble I had to get up, get warm, to get out of the situation I was in. I couldn't move and the pain was intense and the cold was like a thousand needles (I later found out it dropped to 28 degrees, which is cold in California). All this became too much: the pain of a broken arm and femur (right below my hip), the hypothermia (that was setting in quickly) and the internal bleeding. (I fell at 1 am and was "rescued" at 6 am = 5 hours)
That was the last conscience memory, but not my last memory of that night.........

A dim light appeared and just sat there at the end of a sort of 3 dimensional sphere. As I stared at it, it became brighter and stronger and a lot more "inviting". I felt swept-up in its calming, healing, and comforting effect it had on me. It seemed to take the pain away and give me warmth, not so much physically but more so emotionally, that all was going to be okay if I just let go. Love is all I could describe it as and having lived such a selfish, self-centered life for so long love is the last thing I know about, but it was there. It, the light, was hypnotic in its own way. The way you look at a huge mountain and go "wow, awesome!"

Down from the light came about a dozen opaque, transparent entities I call them, in single file, both left and right of the light. When they reached me they played about on the rocks making me laugh and giving me joy, like a kid in a sandbox. They got my attention and immediately they appeared. They took on the form of my best friend and girlfriend (at the time), but it wasn't them, I knew that. They explained I was a good person that I would be missed and that this (the fall? the experience? the angels? the visions?) was the only way to get my attention because I was pissed-off for being in my situation. I was really angry that they would not let me go on to the light, for it had answers, knowledge, and was so LOVING... they seemed sad and wanted to show me a few things...Some so hellish I wish to forget them, but can not..and prophecies that make me feel crazy at times. Here are a few:

The year was 2053 (I was shot forward) and California is devastated with maybe a nuclear, no an energy catastrophe, there is famine and despair. Despite this, MANS GOOD-WILL is his saving grace. The simple act of helping out when one could.

This is a brief summary of maybe years of existence in 2053. I can describe the smell, my clothes etc..etc..If I went into detail...After reliving this laying in my bed or sitting on my surfboard in the ocean, quiet time alone, I saw these messages...

Also CLONING AND DNA research is going to cause huge problems that are disgusting, I could have cared less about this before my fall, but know I am convinced that we, as humans, must not play with this or we will suffer or more important cause suffering. (again I lived in the future and tried to clone myself and change my DNA, the results were HELLISH) I could go on as I said for days about what I saw, felt and experienced in the future.

I floated, saw my body laying in the fetal position alone, and went to many different LEVELS of space based on my ILLUMINATION (my spiritual condition=emotions)

I spent a lot of time with sad, lost souls that took on the form of animal/human forms, mutants, they were forming above the cities. They seemed to be stuck and very much in sorrow. Was this PURGATORY? I do not know.... I spent so long there cruising around visiting these people trying to give them joy...It was so sad when they fell to earth...

For 2 years after I was very angry and abused alcohol and painkillers, I thought I was crazy...still do, but not as much as before having read BETTY EADIE, ETC....NOW I am trying to determine why I have such different passions and realities...This is no easy thing to live with...

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Saturday, June 1, 2002 - 11:16 pm:

I remember being "up", like I had been propelled upward, into total darkness. Something made me keep my left shoulder close to my body as if I did not want to touch whatever was there...I realized I was starting to fall and feared it was because I could not see my feet. Suddenly, I saw my feet almost waving up and down, and then I knew I would not fall. With that, I wondered where I was, what I was doing there, how I got there, where to go, and had a sense I WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE WONDERING WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I WAS FOUND OUT.

I then had a choice, go straight or turn to the left and go down a hallway. The brightest white light I have ever seen appeared in my right upper outer field of vision - the size of a baseball - and it drew me toward it. I decided to approach the light hoping to see where I was going. The light was getting bigger and changing positions until finally it was large and like a big circle before my eyes, as if I was in a tube or tunnel and this light was at the opening. At the same time, I saw MYSELF walking UP and incline toward this opening - or room - where the light was coming from. I remember wishing I had brought my sunglasses for I was sure the light would blind me, but it DID NOT.

Next I saw two people in the room of light, just beyond my reach. A man and a woman were holding hands. The man I recognized as my friend Jeff who had died two months prior, dressed in nothing but red shorts - his chest bare - and his hair long, collar/shoulder length - holding MY hands as I stood before him in something white and sheer.

Just then I entered the room of white and looked to my left. There was no scenery and this amazed me. As I turned toward the right I knew I would come face to face with the origin of the light and when I did I WAS NOT BLINDED by it. I was just so amazed. I could hear that Jeff was talking to me and I wanted to hear what he said, and then I felt/saw myself going into my BODY (the one in white), entering through the top of the head and entering like a wisp of smoke - like when the Genie on I Dream of Jeanie would go into her bottle.

Just then I saw two hands in the "sky", one coming down (Jeff's) and one going up (mine) and when we clasped our hands in an embrace I felt pure joy. As I turned to look at Jeff, the origin of the light was in front of me - like a sunburst with colors dispersed from the center white - and it was approaching me. I became fearful and tried to back up. I could not move.

Then the light took shape, like the outline of a person in a robe with a hood, and the light touched me between my breasts. The light entered me and filled me to the point that it began to pour FROM me and I threw my head back in ecstasy, KNOWING IT (LIFE AND ALL IT'S QUESTIONS) WAS ALL SO SIMPLE -- IT WAS JUST THE LITTLE THINGS...I felt a sense of being home (something I had searched for all my life) and a warmth and joy and understanding that I still cannot put into words. I had PEACE OF MIND just KNOWING. There were no more questions.

Then I saw Jeff - he was talking to me and I was telling him how long I had wanted to see him, and wanted to tell him how much I loved him. He said, "I know" and I was amazed that he could talk to me without moving his mouth.

I then realized that all our communication was done without seeing our mouths move and I wanted to be quiet to hear more (at this time it seemed like everything was happening at the exact same time - like space/time was fragmented and this was actually possible - when a woman's voice VERY LOUDLY called "DINA" (that's me). I turned to my left to see who was DISTURBING ME and I said, "I have to go."
When I turned back to see my Jeffrey, all I saw was the site of our two hands parting - his going up and mine going down - and I began to scream "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, I don't want to took so long to get there. I didn't want to go back. I was mad at myself for saying "I have to go"...with that my eyes opened and an oxygen mask was being put on my face.

I recognized the voice of the woman who disturbed me as the nurse in front of my face telling me to breathe...but I wouldn't listen to her. My throat was clogged by sputum and I didn't want to cough it up. I wanted to go BACK to where I had just been. This place, the recovery room, was COLD, I WAS COLD, SHIVERING, and IN PAIN. I just wanted to take off the oxygen mask but could not move - not a muscle, not a finger, not an eyelash...and then a voice in my head said COUGH. "No" I said, and I remember shaking my head no. COUGH the voice said, COUGH IT OUT, and I tried. The first time it didn't work. The voice SHOUTED COUGH, and as I did, my airway cleared.

The nurse told me to keep breathing and keep my eyes open this time...I had an oxygen sensor (pulse oximetry) on my finger and I remember rubbing it off. I tried to kick over my IV. I refused to cooperate with that •••• nurse who had YANKED me back from ... wherever I was with Jeff...I demanded to see my husband. I was crying, I was shaking, I hurt so bad - like I had taken a kick to the place between my breasts where the white light had entered me. I told my husband what happened between sobs and he tried to tell me it was a dream.

I suddenly thought people would think I was crazy and stopped talking about it to anyone in the ER - when the nurse had asked why I was crying and I told her she JUST WALKED AWAY FROM ME - the witch. Such sympathy, such empathy, I still hate her. Anyway, after a prolonged recovery room stay, they finally let me go home. (My stay was prolonged because I refused to cooperate and urinate for the witch nurse, I wouldn't drink, I wouldn't walk...)

And then for a month I cried and cried and cried. I still cry. Talking about this with you makes me cry. I miss that feeling of peace and happiness and joy.

I did finally seek out a counselor, but I only saw her once. She just happened to be a major in metaphysical studies - how about that - and she assured me that I had indeed had a near death experience. She said she could not help me if I wanted to continue telling myself it was just a dream. Somehow, just hearing someone confirm to me that I was not crazy made me feel somewhat better, and for the first time I started to think of my experience as a gift.

Ten years later, I'm not sure what to call my experience any more. My psychic abilities are to some extent stronger than they were before, but now they seem to be centered on death and dying people -- as if I'm drawn to them. Part of me wants to let them know that there's nothing to be afraid of, but the other part quiets my mouth not wanting to "push" them over to the other side before they're ready if you can understand what I mean. So, usually, I end up doing nothing except knowing that the person is dying because I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS INFORMATION.

One thing, before I end this, upon waking in the recovery room, I had the most profound sense of WARMTH in my right hand, the one that Jeff held, and at times I have had the feeling that the touch from my right hand can produce good effects, i.e., take away pain in particular. I have done this mostly with my arthritic dog, and quietly with my mother after her stroke. I don't tell people what I'm doing... they might think I'm least that's what I fear... but I must tell you, I feel very UNEASY being drawn to DYING PEOPLE as I am not exactly sure WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO DO - like I'm supposed to do SOMETHING and I just don't know what...

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Thursday, May 30, 2002 - 09:42 pm:

Had fallen from a horse that stood on my head.

Rose up in a ray of light, until I was asked, "Do you believe in God?"
I answered, "Yes", and had to leave the light. It was light blue all around me, and I saw my grandmother in an old boat, rather upset at the fact I was a believer. She told me my Dad would look after me, and then I saw him with my brother also in an old boat.

Next thing I remember is him asking me "Do you want to stay or go back?" I did not have time to answer him, finding myself with my daughter, then 10, crying, so upset, having been told that my chances of living were very small. I could not get through to her, she could not hear or feel me. I was upset! I did go to my son, then 14, but with the same result.

I found myself back with Dad who could see I was upset, and thus wanted to return.

On the way back I saw a caterpillar, with a very charming face saying, "Play my music to regain your health", smiled, and I neared my body.

I woke up with the mind of my Dad, calling Mum Carla, and knowing only about myself until I was 23.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Monday, May 27, 2002 - 06:59 pm:

A friend and I went to a concert at the Baltimore civic center; it was called at that time. We had both smoked PCP, marijuana, and also ate enough LSD to kill an army of elephants. We were not trying to kill ourselves even though we had done so much.

Then all of a sudden, something in me told me to leave the concert even though it was only half over. I felt like something was compelling me to do what it wanted and I had no power to stop myself. My friend thought I was crazy but followed me anyway.

We walked north on Howard St. and I would not look to see if cars were coming, I just stepped into the street to cross and the light would change so we were safe. My friend really thought I had lost my mind, but he still followed me.

When we reached the top of Howard St. I could feel my heart humming like a humming bird, I stopped to sit on a wall grabbed my chest and that is when it happened. I was immediately bathed in a bright white light; I could hear my friend screaming that my body was glowing like a light bulb. The light was so bright that I hesitated to look, and then I felt something that I will never forget. I felt the warmth of the purest love so strong it is impossible for me to describe. When I turned and looked into the light it did not hurt my eyes at all, and for once in my life I felt free of my body and all the earthly problems I thought I might have, I was floating, it was the most incredible experience.

Then a voice came from the light and asked me what I was doing to myself and that he loved me and did not want me to be hurt or be sad. The voice told me specifically that we are all its children and loves us all the same and just wants our happiness while we are here until it is time to come home.

Then images of my past were shown to me and other times in my life that I was saved from myself. I was also shown some of the future, a wife, children, and a life I had only dreamed of. The voice in the light asked me if I wanted to stay here on earth or come and be with him for all eternity, I said I wanted to stay here.

Then the voice in the light told me to find his people, when I asked how was I to find his people, the reply was that I would know. All the while this was happening I could still hear my friend screaming that I was glowing like a light bulb.

Then the voice asked me one more time did I want to stay here or did I want to be with him for all eternity and I said I wanted to stay here and the light was gone, and I was changed forever.

Since this happened from that night on my friend was so frightened that he never came around me again.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Monday, May 27, 2002 - 06:51 pm:

I developed Diabetes in 1989. After a few years of learning how to control this disease, I considered myself average.

In 1995 my Daughter married and the same year she gave birth to my first Grandchild. A little boy which she named Anthony and I branded my, "Charlie Brown." The new light of my life! The first two years of his life was filled with disappointment and turmoil.

My Daughter and her Husband, got involved heavily into drugs, Heroin. They were in and out of our lives and my wife, Peggy, and I had to concentrate on survival for our children. I focused mainly on my Charlie Brown and Peggy searched for answers for our Daughter. At this point in my life, this little member of my family became one of the most important people in my life. I loved and still Love him beyond explanation.

Because of their choices to live as they were I was given the opportunity to teach this little boy how to walk, talk, whistle, everything he needed to learn, Grandpa was given the job of being his Grandpa, Brother and even Dad. When he was 2 years old, his mom and dad was arrested. His Mom only served a few months but his Dad was sentenced to 7 years and is still serving his sentence.

About 2 months after the sentencing, I became very ill. It was just a case of the flu, but every symptom that went with it, I had. I was concerned about not knowing exactly how much sugar was in my system, so I had my wife continually fix me juices and water with sugar added.

I did not know at the time I was doing the wrong thing that is not until Sunday morning at four o'clock. I awoke unable to breath. I woke my wife and her and my son put me in our van and began one of the most incredible journeys I have ever been on.

We were racing down the highway toward the Hospital and I remember drifting in and out. I kept telling my wife I was dieing and she kept talking to me and I kept hanging on.

The last thing I remembered was as we pulled into the emergency room entrance, the nurses were there waiting for me, threw me in a wheel chair and started in the hospital dragging me backwards. That is when I finally couldn't fight it off any longer and I drifted off into a coma.

I will never forget this most amazing event. The first thing I noticed was I had no pain anywhere in my body. The best way to describe my journey is I felt like a rocket blasting off and the sound was that of a rocket. I was jetting towards the brightest light I had ever seen. The brightness was indescribable. As I was jetting I felt as though I was traveling hundreds of miles an hour yet on both sides of me I saw family members which had died earlier in my life, floating by me as in slow motion. They were all smiling at me.

The absence of pain and the presence of past family was not an issue with me. The issue was my Precious Grandson who was about to lose the only father figure he had left.

I began to shout to God. I didn't know Him but I knew if there was one, He was going to hear me. I shouted," Please God, don't take me away from my Grandson, Please, Please. I kept shouting and begging. That is when I promised God if He would not take me I would search for Him and teach my Charlie Brown the way He would show me was right. This went on for a while and then suddenly my eyes popped open.

I looked up and my wife Peggy was standing over the Doctor and me had just told her they lost me. She looked at me and asked if I knew what had happened and my response was, "Yes, but you don't." My Doctor told me when, I was in the coma, my glucose level was 1470. Normal is 80 - 120. He had never seen anyone survive with a level that high.

I still have Diabetes and I keep it under control. My Charlie Brown and I attend Sunday school regular and he is one of the best kids you could ever know. I have kept my Promise and I have found that God I was searching for. We are Best Friends.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Monday, May 27, 2002 - 06:37 pm:

I came into a dark room with very few details - a person - unknown to me approached me and told me in a low voice - I am not sure I even heard a voice - to watch carefully and with deep graveness –

Then he showed me an open coffin with a skeleton in it - I think the woodwork was dark - it took a while, none spoke - then it seemed as if the bottom started flowing or something - almost as if it were made of quicksilver - and the bottom of the coffin was raised and lifted in front of me and it became a mirror in which I saw myself standing in front of an large number of people - I couldn’t recognize any - different ages but no faces - it seemed as if they were in dark clothes.

In that moment I had the impression of total knowledge, deep insight, extreme inner calmness and loss of fear for anything. I cannot quite put words on this, but it was a sort of up-lifting feeling. Then the mirror became more enlightened - as if you turn a mirror up the sun and the reflections hit your eyes - then this great white light surrounded me...

This was the very first thing I remembered when I woke up after the operation - when I close my eyes this experience is as clear to me as the breakfast I have just ate or as typing this.

I am a pretty realistic person - I have never experienced anything like this - and I have always considered "believers" to be not in their right mind, crack pots all and every one...
However this has made me reconsider - I am another person today.

I learned after the operation, that it was very, very close that I had died - with an extremely low pressure, and a heart not working.

After I was released from hospital I received phone calls from doctors in the hospital to have further examinations - they were rather concerned about my conditions.
I have since spoken with other people from the operating thatres/anesthetics - whom I know personally - and have learned that they thought they had lost me that day.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, May 26, 2002 - 11:47 pm:

My dad passed suddenly in 1993. I had no one to lean on while grieving my loss. Mum was still alive, and dealing with the loss too after 52years of marriage. I went to work one day and felt "funny". Not like when you have flu or a cold, with these you have specific symptoms. I still can’t explain the "funny". I was at a resident’s room and put the emergency bell on to get help and when I went out of the room I looked up the hall and it appeared to be moving. The moving hall appeared to come close then go away as well as around in circles as if it was spinning, and going up and down as if it was an elevator. I then collapsed and was caught by a resident who put me on the floor.

The next part of reality was me fighting the ambulance men who were trying to put an oxygen mask on my face and a fellow nurse saying to me that it is only oxygen and not to fight it. Now while I was unconscious I was in a dark area, I can’t say as it was a tunnel, but there were "walls" and I could see a light straight ahead. There was a calming presence behind my left shoulder. I could not see this presence but knew that it was Jesus. I saw my dad in front of me and he was wearing a peach coloured shirt. Dad said that everything is going to be fine. When I came to, I told mum about seeing dad and the peach shirt, mum then told me they had just bought it and it was still in the drawer. Dad never wore the new shirt while alive.

I have never had another experience like this, but I am no longer afraid to pass over when my time comes. The feeling of calm and peace on the other side is not easy to describe.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, May 26, 2002 - 11:41 pm:

At five months pregnant, we had re-located to Greenville, Miss. with my husband's employer. I had tried to set up appt. at local OB/GYN office. It was the only office and my appt was set for several weeks later. On one particular day, I noticed that I was passing blood and cramping. I notified the doctor office and was told to come in. I did so and received an injection and was told that the injection would either help me or it wouldn't. I was told to stay in bed, off my feet, and take aspirin for the cramping. The next day, the cramping worsened and so did the bleeding. I was forced to continue making trips to the bathroom and began passing clots. The dr's office was called and I was told the drs were in a meeting and would contact me when they were out of it. I told my husband I was very lightheaded and dizzy. I went back to bed. A few minutes later, I rushed to the bathroom and as I sat down, I felt overwhelmingly faint. I called out for my husband just as I passed out. The sink cabinet was inches from my head as I fell forward......

The next thing I realized was that the floor was cool beneath my feet. I looked down and found myself barefooted. I noticed the white tile-like structure of the floor. I looked up and noticed a wall to my left, which was going straightforward and then taking a turn to the left just ahead. The entire hallway was white and white light permeated the entire area. I wondered what was just around the corner and then I wondered where I was. I again looked downward and found myself wearing a white garment that came to just below my knees. It was then that I realized that I was not alone. I was being supported by someone next to me on my right side as I walked. I looked from my knees towards the being next to me and noted they, too, were wearing a white garment coming to just below their knees and they, too, were barefoot. As I began to move my gaze upwards to discover the identity of the one beside me, I had just gotten to their waist when I heard my husband's voice coming from behind me. I halted in mid-step and spoke, "Wait. My husband is calling me."

At that moment, I opened my eyes and found myself in my husband's arms out in the hallway and a medic standing over me. I was told that I had just exhibited a thready pulse at the point when I opened my eyes. They transported me to the hospital and once more, I heard the medic state he had lost my pulse. A few minutes later, we arrived at the hospital and in the emergency room, they once again lost my pulse. They were unable to initiate IV fluid therapy for lack of adequate vein. They were talking around me and I could hear everything but I was unconscious. They had gone to my ankles and were talking about a cut-down procedure to locate a vein for the IV when someone else found a pulse. I then feel asleep.

Later, in the room, I was told I was to undergo D/C. A tech was sent in to crossmatch for blood and returned saying my red cell count was 7 so the surgery was put off until the next day and 3 liters of blood were given me. Following the surgery, the doctor told me that they could find no sign of the fetus but I was told to sign a death certificate and name the baby. I was also told that the fetus had quit developing at four months according to the size of the uterus so she must have died earlier. The doctor said the hospital would be sending me a counselor to speak with to work through my grief. I told him it wouldn't be necessary...there was no grief...there was in its place, an understanding. A peaceful resolution. A knowledge that it was as it should be.

I found myself more fully grounded in my faith. I developed sensitivity to psychic manifestations. I could feel whenever something was wrong and totally describe what was happening.... long before it was verified by the other party. I also find myself extremely sensitive to light and have been recently diagnosed with a hole in my heart, a collapsed mitral valve, and a tilted optic nerve.

Last year, my husband told me I had been in a seizure when he caught me in the bathroom and moved me into the hallway. My eyes had rolled back in my head, my jaw was firmly set and my back arched. He had been rocking me and crying while calling out my name. My friend, also in the house, had called the ambulance. For several minutes, I had remained in the tight grip of the seizure. And then I had relaxed, and he heard me say, "Wait. My husband is calling me." And then I had opened my eyes.

I have been able to share my experience with my family and a few close friends and have found that through my relating the events...I have comforted those who are dying or the loved ones caring for them. I now facilitate a bereavement group for my church community and hope to share my experience with many others.... my message: do not fear death. Validate the living while they are here AND after they are gone. Because they are at peace and can hear what is going on after they are gone...and they are concerned and connected...even beyond death.

View: Top messagePrevious messageNext messageView: Bottom message  By Anonymous on Sunday, May 26, 2002 - 11:27 pm:

When I was 14 years old, I got a pony from my parent’s which I was very fond of. Just a few months later, on a rainy day, I got in an accident with her.

My leg was broken and I had it taped in gypsum for a few weeks. Then it occurred that it wasn't done right and that it had to be broken again. So, I went to the hospital and had my leg broken under complete anesthesia. I had to count to ten and I was gone when I was at 7 or 8.

Just a few moments later I saw two men working on my leg. I first didn't realize it was me that was lying there and I thought that I just saw some kind of operation going on. The two doctors were pulling and pushing on the leg and it didn't really work out. At a certain point then I realized it was me and that they were breaking my leg. I sort of panicked and I didn't want them to break my leg, and somehow they couldn't.

Then one of the doctors called an assistant that was standing in the operation room a few meters away. When he called he looked up. When I looked at him I immediately was only 1 millimeter away from him, standing right in front of his face. When he walked at the table he went right through me. I remember I was confused and I didn't understand where he went. When I heard the speaking behind me, I immediately was back at my position behind my head at the operation table. I saw the three man doing their best on my leg and I still didn't want them break it. Just a few moments later I realized that it had to broken because the first time the gypsum wasn't correctly taped around my leg. So I think I somehow gave them the permission to break my leg and promptly it broke. The doctors were satisfied, but I began to panic again. How could I have let this happen? I heard the machine that was connected to my heart (I don't recall the English word for that) go beeping faster and that one of the doctors called the anesthetist. He hurried to me and did something with the machinery.

I passed away and woke up when I was in the "sleep out" room. I remember I had to cry but didn't have any pain. The nurse came by and she asked me if I had any pain. I said no, I don't think so, but she came back and gave me some morphine. I fell asleep.

The next day the doctor came to see me and asked me how I was feeling. I said fine, and asked him how the operation went. He said everything had gone really well and that my leg would grow okay now. I asked if the breaking didn't give any trouble to him. He said there were no difficulties. So, I said that they couldn't do it with two and that even with a third assistant it gave some trouble before it broke. He looked a little confused to me and then said that it indeed gave little trouble and that they had to work hard on it, but that they did the job anyway.

Further, I remember that I said to my mother that I had eye-witnessed the operation, but after 14 years she cannot recall that.


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