On April 12th 2021 I went to Walmart as I usually did with my mom, friend Jace, and Mary (my wife). I was having a lot of difficulty breathing and walking through the store. I had to sit down a few times. Finally, I just went and sat in the car, because my heart rate hit 179.
Jace and I went to wait in the car and Mary and my mom finished checking out. We went home and I struggled the rest of the day. I told Mary she may have to call 911 later. I contacted my Primary Care Physician’s after-hours line. They told me to eat a snack and go to bed. I ate a snack and I just didn't feel right. So, I told Mary to call 911 and I kept saying it over and over. “911!!!! 911!!!!” I was in extreme panic. I felt urgency. I needed to go to the hospital in a hurry.
I kept coming in and out of consciousness. I said, “Babe, when will they be here?” She said, “Soon.” She started doing sternal rubs, which she learned from the time she worked for a hospital. If you do these correctly, they keep the patient conscious.
I knew something was terribly wrong. I kept seeing a dark figure in the corner of the room standing by my closet. It was motioning me to come towards it. And it would not leave. I was terrified. I didn't know what this thing wanted but I think maybe it wanted me. Was this my father who had passed when I was 12? I couldn't tell. It looked like an evil spirit. My father was a very bad man.
Paramedics got to our apartment and they were assessing my condition. My blood pressure was so low they couldn't get a reading and my heart rate was 42 beats per minute. Which is extremely low. Not-compatible-with-life low. The EMT asked me if I could stand and walk to the stretcher. I stood up and fell back. So, they brought a chair stretcher in and strapped me down and got me down the narrow hallway stairs in my apartment building and out to the ambulance. Mary said, “I love you, Babe.” I said, “I love you too, Babe.” One side of my face was paralyzed and I was slurring. Mary shoved my phone and charger in my pocket and they loaded me up into the ambulance.
Last thing I remember was being in the back of the ambulance. I was scared. I started to panic. I said, “Oh shit, no! I'm dying.” I grabbed a hold of one of the EMT’s arms and said, “Help me! I’m going to die!” and all the lights started fading to darkness. I thought to myself, “This is it.”
Then my soul was thrown from the ambulance and I landed out in front of the hospital. I began to be chased by a demon. I believe it was the dark shadow from my bedroom. The demon was telling me I would never see my stupid ass girlfriend or my whore ass mother again. I couldn't do anything but try to get away from this creature. I felt it had been watching my every move for some time and I believed it was my manifestation.
Suddenly I felt tremendous pain and I fell to my knees. I then laid on my back. It was the worst pain I had ever felt. I suddenly hear a voice. A familiar voice. The voice screamed out “Rockie!!!!” That is my childhood nickname that has followed me through the years. Anyway it sounds like a familiar voice calling out to me as I lay there. I am paralyzed and everything fades away and turns black again.
I was now in a black void. I'm suspended in air in the dark. I couldn't see. I couldn't feel my body. I started calling out for help and to my surprise, my voice was so weak, I could hear myself talking. I kept calling out, calling out for help. I just thought to myself, “I have to get back to my family. I don't want to die.” It's like the situation that once you ask for something, you get it and then don't want it. I kept yelling, “Please help. Please help me. Please!”
I felt a sensation of being released and I began to fall. I began to panic at that point and I remembered my mother saying to me all the time, over and over, that if you repent you won't go to hell. I believed at that point I was falling into the abyss of hell. I could not see, but I could hear screams all around me. Cursing me and calling me names. I kept falling and I as well remembered my mom telling me if you pray to God for forgiveness you won't go to hell. I was weak from this whole ordeal. I said to myself, “Rockie, you have got to do this. You have it in you.” So, I began to pray. I prayed to God, “Please forgive me of my sins. Please God. I pray to you, don't let me die.” I then accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior. I continued to pray and pray and finally I stopped falling.
I landed on what seemed like a scalding hot boulder. It felt like my feet were burning and I could smell burning flesh all around me. I still could not see. I heard a voice. He said, “It is not your time, Child. But you must prove yourself. You must climb. You must drag yourself up and out of this hole.” I was scared, but his voice was so comforting. I began to climb. The walls of this hole were like sharp rocks, and it felt like some of the rocks were wet, and I kept slipping. Some of the rocks were hot; some were slippery like mud. I struggled to pull myself out. It felt like I weighed a ton, though I couldn't even feel my body.
I remember hearing screams and people yelling at me. “You can't make it up there, fat ass. You’re nothing. You don't have what it takes to save yourself. You are useless.” But I kept climbing. I got to the very top and I was given a hand. I saw a figure but never saw a face. It was a radiant light. I just know as I reached the top of this hole, this dark ditch, I was offered a hand. Which I believe now was Jesus Christ. His hand was so strong. His touch was so comforting. I needed him and he was there. His presence was so amazing. I, at one point in life, didn't believe in God. I was so bitter because of the way my life had gone. But the Lord's radiance was upon me and, for once in my life, I felt whole. I had God on my side and everything was going to be ok.
I made it out and this strong angelic voice said, “You must go back, Child; your family awaits you. But before I can send you back, I must show you a few things you must see.”
I was taken back to moments in my life. The first one was the knife incident in the field walking home from school. I was shown the whole incident as if I was right there beside myself watching everything go down. I was asked what I learned from this situation. And if I would have changed anything if I could go back.
I said, “I am truly remorseful for this situation and if I could go back, it never would have happened. Because I never would have accepted the knife when it was offered to me and I would have just told someone about the bullying. And, honestly, fighting with hands isn't the best way to solve a problem but, in this incident, it would have been better to handle this matter hand-to-hand. Or better, just by talking it out with those individuals.” I do wish today that that had never happened and it didn't come down to that. I could have and should have made better choices.
I was then shown my younger self. I was around 7 or 8. I was at my childhood home and I was sneaking cheese slices out of the fridge. I took ten. I went to the couch, unwrapped them all and devoured them and then shoved the wrappers in between the couch cushions, hoping no one would find out I ate all the cheese. Then I was shown a vision of me and my father eating a birthday cake. My dad used to say, “It's someone's birthday today, so let's go get a cake,” and we would. We would sit and eat the whole cake. I was shown this.
The voice asked me, “Did I see any wrong in these visions?” I again said, “Yes.” I said, “I should not gorge myself like I'm never going to get another meal because I know I will. And I also know there are people who will not. There are some people who don't get to eat for days.”
I saw many visions like these and I had to be very decisive in telling him the lessons from each situation I had learned. I was taken to each location, each place and time. And I had learned. I had learned from each scenario. I believe this to be a vision of my purgatory. Things I need to work on and make right in my present life.
All of a sudden everything stopped and he was gone. I was in a bright white room. Maybe not a room. I was just surrounded by light and Nanny was there. Nanny is my grandma who died several years prior. She looked so beautiful, but mad. She said to me, “Roc, it is not your time. We are not ready for you here. You have a beautiful son and an amazing partner waiting for you and your family is waiting there. You have to go back.” I said, “I don't know where to go.” She pointed in the direction to my right. So I went that way and I was back in my body.
I tried to get up but there were all these people holding me down and I said, “Oh no I'm being held down by demons I'm in hell!!!!” Suddenly I heard a voice. That same old familiar voice. “Babe,” she said, “You are ok now. You’re in the hospital; you’re ok.” She rubbed my head and then my belly and I just laid down. I knew I was back and I knew I was safe. She told me to relax and heal.
I found out later my heart’s electricity stopped abruptly, causing full cardiac arrest. The paramedics, doctors and nurses did CPR for 90 minutes. I made a miraculous recovery. I spent 2 weeks in the hospital after my event. My kidneys completely healed themselves. I am no longer iron anemic. I had been anemic for several years due to gastric bypass. My hemoglobin and vitamin levels were all normal. I am on blood pressure medication and beta blockers. I do have a permanent pacemaker but I have made an astonishing full recovery. They weren't sure if I would have brain function. But here I sit today, typing this.
I am now a very intuitive person. I began to have dreams that have predicted actual events in my life. I see symbols that I have yet to master understanding of.
Since my experience, life has been amazing. I don't take a single moment for granted. It was terrifying yet amazing. I made it. I made it back. Jesus saved me because I proved myself.