Even now almost 15 years later, hardly a day goes by that I don’t think about my experience of going to the other side during surgery. I’m frustrated and I have been searching for answers. 

I was devastated when my father passed away and grieved his death for at least two years. During this time, I started having thyroid problems and found out I had a follicular cell tumor. It was a struggle to get good medical care and I remember when I finally went to the hospital for the surgery, I was lying on the table and the last thing I remember seeing was my female doctor looking over my face. And I remember thinking that I was surprised to see her because it was Dr. Kaplan who is doing the surgery. I found out later she was shocked that I knew she was in the surgery room. I guess she was just watching or observing because she said I should’ve been completely out by the time she got into the surgery room. 

What I remember about leaving my body was that I found myself in this space that was enveloped with white soft light. I felt like it was a room but there were no walls or floor. There was this table and it had a chess game board set up on it. It seemed like a long banquet table. There was some being in my left periphery but it was like I couldn’t see who was there and I couldn’t move my head and I don’t remember that I even tried to move my head. I just knew it was not going to work looking at this beach but I could see out of my right eye. I remember arriving to this space heavy hearted and weary, feeling like I had just finished a long journey.

One of the most frustrating things is I can’t remember the full conversation. I know it was clear when I woke up on the gurney table but it faded and only certain parts stand out. I remember this being asking me about my young daughter who I loved with all my heart. This seems to be the beginning of the conversation because I felt like I didn’t want to go back. I felt like I had done enough and I could leave and I was being asked about my daughter.  I remember saying that she had a really good father and for some reason I felt that that would’ve been enough for her. She was closer to her dad than she was to me.

And from there I know other issues were discussed. But the part of the discussion that stood out in my mind was being told me there was going to be another baby but I didn’t associate that for myself. I thought that would be something in our family. I remember this discussion made me feel maternal and the kind of feelings of love for your child and at that point once those feelings were restored in me that’s when I was sent back.

The next thing I knew I was gasping for air and I sat up on the gurney table. I was in the recovery room and all the tubes and IVs and things had been taken out of me and my table was pushed up against the wall. I felt hot all over and tried to talk because I had to pee. Dr. Kaplan, who had done my surgery, was nearby and came running over. He was trying to get me a bed pan or something but I ended up peeing all over myself. This was very strange to just be pushed off on a table like that.

I was disorientated and I think I was talking about where I had just been, you know kind of like how somebody would say, oh I just came from that store over there and I was talking to someone. Dr. Kaplan was not interested. They got me moved into a regular hospital bed and room. My skin felt like it was burning. I remember it felt like every nerve in my body was shaking, like my spiritual being could not adjust to living in this frequency zone. I got out of bed and tried to splash water on my face and wipe water on my arms and legs because I just felt like I was on fire everywhere. I remember feeling like I was tricked into wanting to come back to this place like this being got me to think about a happy moment for a second which enabled my path back to my body but really, I was back in hell.

The doctor told me people don’t act like this after they have thyroid surgery and my female doctor sent me to talk to a therapist but luckily, I had a good therapist and we worked on some of the things that had surfaced from the stress of my surgery. I kept thinking that who I had talked to must’ve been a good being, but she said we don’t know that. Things were OK for a while but then they got much worse.

The anxiety experience was at a level I had never dreamed possible. I had to walk around in circles in my house just to wear myself out and try not to think. I had several visits from the other side; on some occasions I heard angelic music and I could feel a presence nearby that comforted me.

One of the most perplexing experiences was seeing letters spelled out to me while I was asleep or in some kind of sleeping state and letters were spelled out one at a time and it was the word Grayson. I don’t recall ever hearing or seeing this word before but ever since then I see that word quite frequently and I’ve always wondered what it meant. That’s why when I was looking on YouTube and I saw the near-death experience videos I went to this website. [Bruce Greyson was one of the founders of IANDS.]

Time moves forward and the husband that I thought I was married to was not the person that I thought he was. He was such an interesting and intuitive person and I thought very highly of him. He always knew things before they happened and I thought he had my best interest at heart and I thought he was a good father. He’s the kind of person that can hold a compass and it would spin in circles and he couldn’t wear a wrist watch because the watch would stop within a few hours; he just had this electrical essence about him. In 2007 my daughter Zoey was born and we seemed like a happy family.

In 2010 my husband started letting me in on more things that were happening I guess in his head. He told me that he communicates with this blue light and he called it blue dude and that’s the entity that gave him a lot of information and he always talked about how it all worked with this point system. He even Took pictures of me and my oldest daughter with lights around our head and a whole bunch of other pictures of lights that he was able to photograph. He said it’s how energies move around, that they are entities and they call it riding the light. I was very interested in all of this but it turned very dark.

There is so much I don’t understand I don’t understand why this happened to me what I’m supposed to be learning from it and what I’m supposed to be doing but I do know I feel like I’m failing miserably. There is so much injustice and horrible things have happened to my children. 

I wish so much I could get back to that space and sit back down at that table and give that being a piece of my mind because if I was sent back to do something I’m supposed to do, I’m going to need some more help.