I was in labour in my first pregnancy and was told they were going to prepare me for a C-section after my 72-hour induced labour process.
At first my reaction was "let's do this." Then a strong sense of panic and dread sank in. I remember jokingly telling my husband, "here's my death sentence," not knowing it was.
They put me in the operating room and started my spinal block. I started to go numb on my legs and panicked. I asked, “is this normal?” the doctor assured me it was. Then I couldn't move my arms and my head, then panic really set in. My lungs then decided to quit on me. I really panicked and keep saying I couldn't breathe. The doctor then assured me, “if you’re talking, then your breathing.” At that moment he put an oxygen mask on me and the weirdness began.
I saw white hands and arms reach for me out of the OR ceiling and felt calmness for a second, but then the hands grabbed me and removed me from my body. My initial reaction was, “this is it." Fear set in and I saw dark shadows around me and the white light. Then I felt a strong shove and I opened my eyes and my husband was there. I believe still to this day if he didn't walk in, if he wasn't there, I wouldn't have come back.
After everything, I have started waking up in panic. I have been seeing a woman who looks exactly like me staring at me. Dressed like me, hair like me, everything like me. She also pops up randomly out of the corner of my eye or in reflections, etc. It started out calming me, but now I am terrified of her. I am scared of the dark and of being completely alone. I can't sleep at night by myself and I am panicking easier. I get real angry real easy and lose my temper more than ever. I am quick to cry and feel guilty after an argument with my husband. I am feeling increasingly isolated and reserved. I feel as though something is trying to bring me back that its evil and hated me for surviving. These feelings have not gone away and are increasing. I AM NOT SUICIDAL THOUGH. In fact, I am fighting for my life.