I had my near-death experience in the summer of 1974, when I was thirty years old.
I had a serious headache, and I was to undergo an examination at the hospital to see if I had a tumor in the brain. I was to be hospitalized for a couple of days. During the examination, one of the doctors inserted a needle into my nape in order to blow air in. The needle hit my central nervous system by accident and my pulse became abnormal. At that point the doctor ought to have stopped his treatment. But he proceeded – and hit a wrong place again. He was only allowed to insert a needle twice, but he did it five times. The result was that my central nervous system was hit several times. Thus, it was damaged and I was more or less unconscious for a month. I don´t remember anything from that month – except my near-death experience.
Now I want to share with you the fantastic spiritual experiences which I had when I was unconscious. The first thing I experienced was that I could suddenly see my body from above. I saw that the doctors were incredibly busy treating me, but I didn´t understand. For I felt wonderful and light where I was, and I had no pain and no problems.
I got evidence that the soul can leave the body. I clearly remember that I hovered over the doctor who conducted the treatment. He had gone home after work and lay in his bed, and I hovered into his home and saw him. I could see that he had nervous tics, and I knew telepathically that he was thinking of me. I felt so sorry for him and I thought: I wish I could straighten all the nervous tics. Because I felt gorgeous. I saw that several times he went to the toilet, and I remember he had problems with his urination. While I was there, I noticed the arrangement of his home and the furniture around him.
Later, when I recovered, I told him about my “visit.” I told him about the arrangement of his home, the furniture and his urination problem. He was stunned because all that I said was true. Later, when I recovered further, I visited him, and I saw that everything was as I had experienced it. At one point, I asked if I could use his toilet. He rose in order to show me where it was. But I said that he didn´t have to. Because I had been there before – as a soul.
After hovering around on earth, I went through a tunnel. At the end of the tunnel, there was a light so indescribably strong. It in no way related to earthly light. I went to a peaceful place. It was so beautiful that I thought: “The earth is like a film that hasn’t been developed. Not until we reach the other side is the film developed, and everything will be seen in beautiful colors that don´t exist here on earth.” I saw a beautiful meadow. There were flowers and colors that were so fantastic that our earthly brain can´t comprehend it. The colors we have here on earth – of flowers and everything – are very pale in comparison to the colors I experienced in the spiritual realm.
The people we claim are dead stood completely alive in front of me, but they looked younger than I experienced them on earth. At the same time there was a kind of a fog over their faces. But I knew it was them. I wanted to approach them – but then it was said telepathically to me that it was not the right time. And then I was kind of pulled back.
Thereafter, I had various spiritual experiences. They were correlated to one another. It was like a movie shown in clips. During one of the “clips,” I saw a portal that was like an arch. I felt that it was the arch of life. It wasn´t ostentatious. It was very simple. The arch opened so that I could look in. There I saw the whole meaning of life. I thought it was so simple that I didn´t comprehend that I hadn´t thought of it. It was so simple that even a child could understand it. But I have not retained the meaning of life. The insight I got there I cannot retell. But I know there is a meaning of life.
After seeing the meaning of life, I flew on. Hereafter, I was shown various clips from past lives. I had never before related to reincarnation. I had grown up in a family of non-believers, but I always felt Jesus in my heart.
I saw that I had a life as an Indian. I was so strong and powerful. I experienced the whole Indian life and I sensed that I was a man. I lived in harmony with nature, and it felt like a wonderful life. Later in that life I was at war with others, and I experienced that I fell into a hole, where there were some dead people. But I was not dead. There was a nauseating and cloying smell where I lay.
Then things shifted to a new clip. I flew over a figure of Christ standing with open arms. Then I experienced another life. I lived in a bast hut on poles. There was no furniture, but there were mats lying on the floor. We were six very beautiful young girls. It was a wonderful time. We were there to please men. But it was all nice and decent. We were in harmony with nature.
Then there was another clip. I saw that I lived in France within the aristocracy. I was very arrogant, and I was definitely not a person I like. I was a big girl with a fine white dress. I stood with my family and was about to be executed. Around us were a lot of dirty and gross people. They mocked us and spit on us. I thought: Mob! Mob! Then there was a clip. I must have been beheaded. I saw the mob walking with a wooden vessel, flushing away the blood and dirt. Then there was another clip. It was all silent and peaceful, and I saw the sun. That life was a terrible experience.
After that I was shown my current life by a loving being. I clearly felt that a loving being stood behind my left shoulder. The love was so strong that I dared not turn around, but I think it was Jesus.
I was shown my life from birth to unconsciousness. I saw myself on the wrong side, and that was far from exciting. For I was not as good as I thought I was. I was ashamed of myself. But the being of love didn´t judge me. It just supported me and gave me love. I saw not only the ACTIONS I had done but also the THOUGHTS I had sent out. And the thoughts meant more than the actions. That surprised me. I hadn´t thought it would be like that. It was scary. It´s very good to do good deeds towards others, but the feelings and thoughts you send to them count more. You can smile politely at someone – and at the same time send negative thoughts to him.
As you sow, you shall reap. I found out that there was too little for me to reap. I guess that was why I wanted to go down and finish my earthly life. For there was so much I had to sow. There was so much I had to do. I had to improve as a human being. I had to go down to sow in order to reap. I hadn´t sowed much until then. I could see that. I was really ashamed of seeing myself. First and foremost, I had to sow love. Today it is the most important commandment to me.
I was also shown good things I had done. In my childhood there was in the vicinity of my home a path where meth drinkers gathered. When I was walking with my dog, I passed them and sat down and talked with them. They were surprised that I wanted to be with them. But I wanted to be with them and I told them that there was someone who loved them, and that it was Jesus. I knew that Jesus loved these meth drinkers, and I felt they gave me so much love. They loved me for the person I was. I began going to their homes with them, and I cleaned for them. They lived in a little wooden hut in the moor. I picked flowers so their hut could be cozy, and I loved it. I enjoyed being together with these people. All this I was now shown again, and it counted as one of the good deeds I had done.
In connection with my life review I saw an episode from my childhood, when I was 10-11 years old. This episode was the cause of a deep psychic wound – a certain father complex. In my childhood I did everything to please my father. Before my near-death experience, I never understood why he suddenly distanced himself from me. But when I saw my life review, I understood.
I saw a girl who was me. We were going to my paternal grandfather´s birthday. Spontaneously I said that I didn’t want to go because grandpa was going to die. My father was terror-stricken. I got a slap in the face – the only one in my life. I still didn´t want to go. Now I had the excuse that I had a headache, so I was allowed to stay home. At ten minutes to ten in the evening the clock in the living room stopped. I just knew: Well, now grandpa is dying. I couldn´t sleep – but I went to bed.
At half past one my parents arrived. My father came into my room. He looked at me with strange eyes. Then he said: “Grandpa is dead.” To me it wasn´t a dreadful or unnatural thing, for I knew that grandpa was going to die. But my father was shocked. From that time, I felt that he was afraid of me. He distanced himself from me. Some blocking had come. I did everything to please him. I didn´t know what had caused his distancing. But I found out when I saw my life review.
When I was in the spiritual realm, I saw that I had to return to earth in order to finish quite a lot. There was something loving beside me. It wasn´t anything visible. You could only sense it. It was a kind of spirit or soul. It showed me what I had to return to – my further course of life. But I have not retained that either.
My first thought was: I can easily endure that. I was so strong because I had that loving being at my side. But slowly the loving being disappeared and I was sent back through the same tunnel that I had come through earlier. I returned to the hospital room, where my body lay. I was under the ceiling. I could see the doctors being busy treating me.
Now I was afraid. I dared not, after all. I resisted. I didn´t feel like coming back to the body. I wanted to stay in the spiritual world, because there I was happy and felt fine. But I CAME back. And that was really cruel, because it felt as if I was strapped in a straight-jacket, after I had been able to move freely. And then all the terrible pain came. I couldn´t feel coldness, warmth or anything. I only felt pain and had spasms.
It felt as if I was split into two persons. On one hand I was in the body with all the pain. On the other hand, I had all the spiritual experiences that lived so vigorously in me.
When I returned to the body, I obtained a new gift that I had to learn to relate to. I could sense and see what other people contained. It was as if I had clear-sightedness. I could go through them and experience their feelings and thoughts. I quickly sensed that the doctors at the hospital weren´t honest with me. That frustrated me, because at that time I believed in authorities. I believed what doctors said. But suddenly I could see that they weren´t telling the truth. I could see that they spoke out of their own egoism. Some doctors said that I was hysterical because I reacted to my pain. But I could see in their eyes that what they said in words didn´t fit with their thoughts and feelings. That frightened me.
I am convinced that the spiritual experiences were given to me in order to help me through all the difficult years in connection with my disease. All the experiences and all the power that God gave me when I was unconscious is transmitted so strongly to my mind that I have been able to endure all the terrible pain. I remember once I was hospitalized with a concussion after an epileptic seizure. The doctor was looking in my journal. Then he said – mostly to himself – “But how can you sit there? You should be dead!” Then I said that if I hadn´t had a lot of spiritual experiences that had given me the faith in Jesus Christ I wouldn’t sit here. That made him a little embarrassed. He hurried on reading the journal.
I have never doubted that it was true what I experienced. After my disease I wanted to be earth-bound. So, I tried to use my common sense and say to myself that it was hallucinations. But I couldn´t – and I still can´t. When it is so clear in my memory after so many years (44 years), it can´t be hallucinations.
My near-death experience has become the foundation of my life. After being unconscious I have been through so much pain that I – in order not to lose my mind – have thought of the loving being I met. I could fetch so much power from it that I could endure the pain. By thinking of the loving being and my past lives I could find the strength to live. The loving being is the strongest thing in my life. I can always draw on it. If it hadn´t been there, I´m sure I wouldn’t have endured being here on earth. When, over the years, I have had such an intense pain that I couldn´t endure it, I asked for help. Then I have often experienced that I felt something warm that embraced me like a cloak. And that gave me strength to go through the pain.
God has helped me in my misfortune. He never left me. He has given me powers undreamt of, to fight the physical and mental pain. Sometimes I felt that the more intense the pain is, the greater is God. God is almighty. God is so fantastically great.
The near-death experience has made me feel that I don´t belong here. I feel that I´m on a charter trip down here and that I belong to another place, namely the spiritual world. I am grateful and happy for my family and my friends, and I live more intensely today than I did before. But I appreciate each year I get older, for then I know that I come closer to death and the spiritual world. We are all on such a charter trip on earth. Our true home is in the spiritual world – with God. That is our point of origin. And we´re all going back to our true home, when we have fulfilled our tasks on the charter trip.
When I had to go back to earth, I realized that there is a meaning of life on earth. Life is as schooling. It can be incredibly tough, but we must not forget that the more good things we can sow, the more we will reap when we leave from here. The school of life is like a trip on earth. There are certain things we have to do on the trip.
When I returned to my body, I thought that from this day forward I was going to be oh so good. But it wasn´t like that. I haven´t become a much better person. I do many mistakes each day. But I have become aware of which thoughts I send out, and I know that love and positive thoughts are what mean something here on earth. I´ve become aware how important it is to be loving – to send loving thoughts, to be helpful, to be present and to listen. The most important thing is not to strive unceasingly to get higher up the so-called social ladder. You should not strive to win power, honor and money. All those things don´t mean anything when we are going to have our life review.
The most important assignment in life is love. We should begin with ourselves and create warm, human and loving vibrations. First, we should unclutter our mind. It may hurt confoundedly, for many of us have hawthorns and dirt in our souls. After that we can begin opening up to others and shining to others – like the sun. If we can let the sun – the power of God – shine in us, then we will begin opening by virtue of the warmth that God gives us. And then we can give love. Then we can give something to one another.
Many people commit suicide in our time. I understand them. If I hadn´t had all the spiritual experiences that I´ve had, I think I would also have committed suicide. The spiritual experiences gave me strength to live on. I believe that the people who commit suicide will have a hard time at their transition to the spiritual world. But we must not condemn them, for they are very unhappy people. And God knows that. They simply haven’t been able to endure life on earth. And God understands that.
There are things we as humans do not understand. And there are things that we are not SUPPOSED to understand. For our small brains cannot contain the greatness of God.
Suicides will absolutely not meet any condemnation on the other side. We wouldn’t condemn our children if they committed suicide. If we condemn our children, we condemn quite a bit in ourselves. You don´t condemn someone you love – if you really “love” out of love and not out of egoism. If you really love your children, you won´t condemn them but help and support them. And God will do that too. Of that I am quite certain. God will help those poor souls get through all the difficult stuff.
I don´t believe there is an eternal damnation. Because God is towards us like a good father is towards his children. If a child is unreasonable or does many terrible things, will a good father disown that child and send it out in the cold? No, he won't. Our spiritual father will not do that to us either. God will not disown anybody.
If there is a hell, then it is that we see ourselves with all the negative thoughts we have sent out. When we are going from here, we are going to judge ourselves. We will stand beside ourselves and judge ourselves. We will see ourselves with a clear-sightedness beyond compare. It was as mentioned very scary as far as I´m concerned.
It won´t be easy for the people who have taken their own lives to see their life review. For there has been a twilight of the gods in their mental life before they have got that far out that they have taken their own lives. Their roots are in chaos. Their stitches have run down, and they can´t pick them up. They can´t find out what is the cause of their problems. Unconsciously they put a lid on their inner chaos because they can´t endure facing it. But God will take care of their souls, and he will help them to be free. That is quite certain.
My spiritual experiences have taught me that we must not condemn other people. We have no right at all to do that. When I saw how impure I was, I realized that we must not condemn other people – no matter who they are. It comes back to us. All that we send out comes back to us – if not in this life, then when we are going to review our lives. Nor should we tell other people how they should live their lives. We have no right to do that. But one of the best things we can do is to send them loving thoughts.
We must not condemn other people when they do something wrong. They don´t know better – and how could they? They haven´t experienced themselves as I did. Until I experienced myself on the other side, neither was I aware of how I really was. Therefore: NEVER JUDGE YOUR FELLOW HUMAN BEING, BUT TRY TO UNDERSTAND!!!
God is so great, and he really wants to contact us. But it´s difficult for God to come through to us because we are egoistic and materialistic. We block him in that way. It is not the intention of God that all the evil in the world is going to happen – wars and all that. It´s caused by our human egoism and self-centeredness. We contain both good and evil. Our task is to see to it that evil doesn´t prevail. We have a responsibility for our lives here on earth.
We should stop striving to reach so much at the earthly level. Because it is only a short while we are here. When I had my life review it was as if life on earth only lasted for a second. But we live as if we were going to be here for hundreds of years.