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I am writing this with great relief, as I have wanted to tell someone what happened to me for many years. I have thought about it every day, and when I have tried to tell someone about it, they do not seem to understand or be able to relate to me.

I have always wondered what had actually happened to me, as I had never heard of such an experience as mine, until I found your website, and found the term NDE. I finally have found I am really not alone. My experience though is not as long or as wonderful as some people have had, but never the less it was real and important to me.

I had undergone a four hour operation on my hip and pelvis, I had woken up in the high dependency unit and was told I was doing well. I felt terrible pain, and could barely move. I could not speak as my oesophagus had been scratched, and had a very sore throat. After a good while, and after initially beginning to recover, I started to feel quite bad, and I tried to get the nurses attention by banging the bed, the next thing I remember was I heard the machines I was attached to sending off alarms, a nurse shouting something and a man replying.

What seemed the next moment, I was somewhere else. What I must emphasise here is that, I have fainted many times before, I have had operations many times before and had never, ever felt like this before.

Suddenly, I was in a completely black space. It was a total blackness, again like I have never seen before. I was not scared though. I remember looking to my left, and thinking, "This is ok, I am ok. I don't feel pain! I feel alright" I was utterly and totally calm. This bit is hard to explain, but I didn't think I had died, but I did think - 'If this is it, I really don't mind!' Which is terrible, as I have a loving family, and children who depend on me, I would never leave them.

I remember looking down and not seeing my body, although I thought I was still lying down, as I looked around a woman was standing to my right hand side. She was a shining white light, with wavy hair, and was smiling at me very kindly. She seemed to be saying "Kim, it's alright, come back." I say the word "come", and not "go", which I don't understand, but I am sure that is what she said. I know I didn't get to react, I was suddenly awake on the bed again.

It happened in such a flash, I was really shocked. The pain instantly returned, but I immediately looked around for the lady I had seen, but no one looked remotely like her. I was now surrounded by many people, they must have been there sometime as there was a lot of equipment around too, though it only felt like moments had passed to me. The doctor said my heart had stopped for a while, but he did not elaborate any further, he didn't say I had died. If I hadn't seen this being, I wouldn't have realized that what had happened to me had been quite serious.

Throughout the years I have wondered what had happened, was I somehow hearing a nurse? Was I somehow seeing a nurse, yet I saw no one else? What ever it was, it was a good experience, and it has never left me.

I am not a religious person, but have always imagined that if something were to happen, then I expected to see a loved one I had lost. This did not happen, so I was perplexed. Until now when I have found reports of other people seeing this being or similar, it makes me feel somehow validated. I knew it had happened, I just didn't really know what.

What I do find a little different to others though, is that until recently the memory has been extremely clear. Others find they never forget their experience, that it remains clear for years after the event. That had been true for me until recently, it is now becoming harder for me to recall. I do believe this is because I am going through a terrible time, as my lovely mother is dying from cancer, and the more I need to draw on my experience for comfort, the more it seems to fade from me.

Writing this to you helps.


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