NDE-Like Accounts

After Death Communications

In November 1986, I just could not go on. I was married to a kind, intelligent, and supportive man, but I kept sinking deeper and deeper into grief, loneliness, and despair over my first
husband who died of cancer four months to the day after our marriage. The year 1986 was 21 years after his death in my arms.

The more my first husband and I were together or thought of each other, the more we knew that our love never had a beginning, middle or an end. It just was. We had much to overcome to be together. He, in particular, worked very hard at this. Our physical time together on earth was from the summer of 1961 to the summer of 1965.

He heard a voice when he first saw me. The voice said, "She is the one." This happened when I walked through a doorway onto a doorstep. At the same time a powerful ray of light shown through an overcast sky, momentarily blinding me. When I truly looked at him for the first time,
my chest felt as though it opened and countless little hands reached out to embrace him. I barely just stopped myself. We kissed just once the second day we were together. It was so wonderful, I cannot find words  even now, but I can clearly relive it. The fourth day we were together, I heard a voice. This is what it said, "Yesss. Right." Surprisingly, I never told him about this while we were together. I am not certain, now, why.

One reason my second husband gave for deciding that he wanted to marry me was the depth of my love for my first husband. He felt that as I could love so profoundly, I could truly grow to
love him too. He was always kind, respectful and thoughtful of my prior marriage. Even
so, the grief was always present like a dark note in the background. He was right. I could care for him, but at its foundation was a bottomless grief. I felt that I had not truly expressed or realized my love for my first husband adequately. I am who I am because of him alone. In fact, I am alive now because of him and I was alive then for the same reason. He has repeatedly saved my life.

By 1986, I felt I needed to end the situation by destroying myself. I just felt drained of any
strength to live. As my second husband was handsome, professional, and very devout, I was certain some other woman could do better or at least as well (I was an atheist) even though he assured me repeatedly that he was willing to die for me if need be.

Early on November 16, 1986 I was alone in bed and choosing the easiest, least messy method I knew to leave this life. Lying on my right side, I suddenly knew I wasn't alone. I turned and saw my first husband sitting on a cedar chest looking at me. I could plainly see the entire area surrounding him. I noticed his clothes, hair, good health and the fact that he seemed about in his early 30's although he had been 23 on June 1, 1965. I was speechless. When I could finally speak, I asked what he was doing here. These words came from the same place (my chest) that I had felt open up when I first saw him. He told me he was there to take me home. This, too, was telepathically transmitted. I could hear
some part of me thinking but it did not matter because my true self spoke to him again from the chest area.

I told him I hadn't finished saying good bye. He responded that it was all right and that I should go back to sleep closing with the word, darling. I never told my second husband about this and I was afraid to think of it very much until recently. However, I was able to be of great assistance to my second husband during the rest of his life. He died in 2001. 

In 2005, I decided I wanted to make arrangements for the disposal of my ashes at death by burying half with my first husband and half with my second. I was plummeted deep into grief when I found that my first father-ln-law had made arrange ments to destroy my husband's grave without notifying me. He then committed suicide: November 16, 1986.  Yes, the very same day I saw his son-- my husband or 21+ years after his death in 1965.

I found, with the help of a brother-in-law, that only the monument I had chosen June 2, 1965 had been destroyed. The grave itself was intact. I made arrangements to travel and handle necessary details on site and in person. Then, I became fearful about encountering his brothers after so long of a time -- 41 years. I considered how I might not need to go after all. My second husband appeared to me.

He looked very sad, quite strained, tense, and under alot of pressure. He allowed me to greet and touch him but we did not have a conversation. I cannot tell you what he was wearing or where we were. It seemed a blank place where he both suddenly appeared and suddenly vanished. He said the same thing 3x: "You must go."  "You must go."  "You must go." It was more like a transmission of some sort than a presence. I felt very worried for him. I just knew that the message represented an incredible effort on his part whereas when I saw my first husband, he appeared calm, loving and rested. When I stood at my first husband's grave this past November 2006, feelings like waves of electicity unexpectedly moved around what would be my body's outline.

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