I once looked at my OBE and NDE events as astounding life occurrences, but have learned that they were tailored guidance to help me be my greatest self. This is very apparent when they are viewed in the context of the full life and from the perspective of embodying love. Content from this point is an excerpt from my guidebook, Be Your Greatest Self, available internationally on Amazon. I wrote that guidebook because the wisdom of God that healed my life applies to all, and everyone needs it. I was shown how to make every goodness infinitely whole and everlasting… or how to make a heaven of earth in ancient terms. This excerpt includes some of that information.
We begin with an event of my life that occurred some twenty years ago. This account includes separate references to the soul and body. To ease understanding, remember that the soul is our logical and spiritual consciousness, and think of the separate physical self as the subconscious. That should make this surreal experience very easy to understand. To garner deep wisdom, watch for compassion and see its effects. Also ask this at each choice: do I issue judgement, whether it seems warranted or not, and what is the effect on my life and the lives of others? Alternately, do I find and foster the goodness of all, and help others do this too, and how does this change things?
When soul and body part
This experience, which lasted many months, occurred when my wife of ten years stated she was pregnant by another man, then admitted that this wasn’t her first affair. I was deeply in love, had three young children, and was not prepared for the abrupt changes this entailed. She expressed distress, as she still cared about me but craved him. She did not know how to proceed, but for her choices, words, and emotions, I felt that our marriage had ended.
While we talked, I found myself observing life from outside of the body, to the right and slightly above my shoulder. This experience of floating was not a sensation; there was no 'feeling' of this, only the fact that I was. I felt empathy and overwhelming compassion for the physical self in despair, but I experienced none of the suffering that was evident in that form. The link between my soul and body was nearly severed; merely a thin thread connected these now.
My consciousness was in the room, but not confined to body, and it was as though I was everywhere and anywhere in the room all at once. I oriented myself with this new freedom, moving about and observing the environment from various angles. I darted below the dresser to where no body would fit, knowing I would be able to see from that perspective, and loving the effortlessness by which I moved. Out-of-body exploration was short-lived however, for my attention was needed.
My soul (conscious self) started coaching my body (subconscious self) on how to get through this situation. I observed that 'self' crying from the front, and instructed it to drop its chin lower so its anguish would be fully apparent. It was evident that the subconscious self suffered immensely, but my soul or conscious self experienced no discord. I felt elation, ease, and empowerment instead, and knew that my task was to coach this other self through the experience.
I remember questioning why the anguish should be so expressed. It seemed that sharing those feelings would be hurtful to my wife, and besides, I felt wonderful outside of the body. It was immediately within me that I needed to facilitate my wife’s journey by bringing awareness to the effects of her choices. I was faced with two options, and both seemed honorable. Which was aligned? As there seemed to be an essential obligation, I acted. I didn’t judge her person, but I judged her decisions, expressed powerful emotions, and the effects broadsided us both. The great sorrow expanded to include her, and I felt the outcome was just.
Judgement seemed good in that moment, for the sorrow was now mutual; our world contained more sadness. Was the choice virtuous, or should I have considered the extensive history that preceded her actions, shared responsibility, and been mutually compassionate? Regardless of whether we made amends, we both would have healed through that choice. That more wholesome outcome could have been, but only with mutual compassion, not judgement. We continue.
My subconscious self was operating like a puppet. Everything I told that self to do, it did. When the conversation ended, I instructed it to leave, and reflected on whether 'it' could drive. I watched until I was certain it could manage the trip, compassionately observing as it drove the twenty or so minutes to town.
My conscious self was rarely in the vehicle during the drive. It floated above instead, witnessing each turn and feeling comfortable that my subconscious self would make it to town. I recall thinking the words 'you will be fine' as I floated above the vehicle. My soul was unbound, the body was functioning subconsciously, and I was aware that it could cease to function. At this time, it seemed like the soul was my genuine identity and the body was a mere reflection of past choices. The reflection could navigate established pattern, and it accepted the soul’s instruction without question. Provided it was in attendance, the soul or conscious self was fully in charge.
Floating above the moving vehicle was remarkably empowering. Movement was effortless; I simply thought myself to be where I wished, and there I was. I felt no motion or touch sensation of any kind. As I moved with the vehicle, I could see objects on both sides of the road as though I were in a low-flying plane. My van appeared to be about the size of a quarter, so my peripheral vision was astounding. The odd thing was that I saw objects I had never seen before, set far back from the side roads. The view was complete and accurate to every minute detail, even though I never had been down those roads. After the experience, I drove down the side roads and examined a map, witnessing in awe what I had seen from above.
When I arrived in town, I went to my workplace. I recall little of what took place there, save the counseling of one kind co-worker. It was not her role, but she empathized, expressed compassion, and helped me navigate my thoughts. It made a great difference. I recall flitting in and out of body, but the subconscious distress was intense and unbearable; my soul exercised free-will and remained separate.
Being out-of-body was simultaneously the most empowering and devastating time in my life. I was awestruck, for I was apart from body but still existed. Moving independently, I experienced another reality and saw much that a bound soul cannot see. I didn’t feel the suffering in my subconscious self. In all those ways, the experience was delightful. Even so, my soul was distanced from the body, and precisely as it is in a marriage or friendship, feelings are not mutual when we are apart. As such, I watched as my subconscious self hugged or held my children, but felt no love or connection. I saw it express other kindness, but experienced no affirming feelings.
My conscious and subconscious self were separated, and in life, my wife and I had also separated. We decided to seek amends through marriage counselling. The mediator asked my wife if she wanted to save the marriage and she timidly said yes. He asked what she most loved about me. After a very long period of reflection and much awkward shuffling, she spoke; ‘well, I suppose he’s a good provider.’
The councillor appeared startled and I was devastated. She didn’t know me any more. I thought of all my redeeming qualities, and with each that I recognized, I judged her harshly for not seeing them. What could have been a starting point became a hole and I was in it. The councillor turned and asked if I also wanted to save the marriage, and asked what I adored about my wife. I stated that I only wanted guidance on how to proceed, and that I wasn’t sure the marriage was worth saving. Instead of seeing and fostering the good, I had looked at all that wasn’t, and that was a very dark image.
In that moment, I decided to be a pillar of virtue. I would embrace that which was divine, good, and right, and align against and fight to destroy all that was evil, bad, or wrong in this world. Because we find what we seek, and I was judging All That Is, the light of this world became dim. I strode confidently into the depths of hell, and wherever I saw darkness, I cast judgement. The subconscious took over each time that I did. I didn’t see its actions though, because I wasn’t consciously doing those things; I would learn of them later.
My soul continued trying to unite with my subconscious self, but the suffering was far beyond what it could handle, and repeated attempts resulted in suicidal contemplation. I envisioned my death many times, picked the method and place, and fear then brought me to a compassionate doctor. She immediately prescribed antidepressants and referred me to a therapist. He helped me see some goodness and bring it to higher expression, wherein my soul and body reunited. This would be short-lived however, for judgement’s root remained.
REFLECTING ON THE INBOUND TRIP
Though it may not have been my actions that brought me to hell’s gate, my choices flung the door wide, and I strode in on what seemed a white stallion. I thought it was virtuous to align with good and destroy evil. But I saw darkness whenever I turned my gaze from the light, or goodness. I judged in those times, and brought suffering into the world. At times I suffered more, and at times others suffered my error and the subconscious actions therein. There was always more suffering in judgements wake, but I was fighting evil, so it seemed that my choices were good.
Now looking at the experiences, note that the departed soul was quite elated. It always aligned with what seemed a wholesome choice, and it didn’t experience the discord of body, or know what followed judgement. It would simply decide and the subconscious would take over. The soul was having a fabulous experience.
Life was very different at the subconscious level; that self was mired in agony, and things weren’t improving. Whenever the soul was consulted and chose judgement, suffering grew. When the soul was distanced, the subconscious had to run the show, but it was in agony and had a limited perspective, so its guidance was off and suffering continued to mount. For that self, life was a full steam race into hell.
Let’s look at alignment. The authentic soul was always pure and good. Even while the subconscious body treaded through hell, that soul remained virtuous. It forever sought to do right, and provided it saw the good, it would foster this and make All That Is greater. When confounded by the myths of evil, bad, and wrong however, it issued judgement and havoc ensued. Issues arose because it looked at what wasn’t present of a goodness, and choose to attack what wasn’t there. Within the daze of judgement, it fought phantoms in an attempt to do good. Even in this however, the core alignment was good; this is a universal truth; every soul is divine, but its guidance is only accurate in as much as it sees the goodness of God.
As with the soul, the subconscious self was also entirely good, and it followed its guidance system. Whenever the soul saw goodness, it chose to make that greater and the subconscious was right on track; if the soul looked at what wasn’t present and judged however, the essential guidance system failed and the subconscious self went out of alignment; if the soul departed, the subconscious had to navigate, but it had a very small perspective, and was in agony, so alignment was poor. In all of these cases, the subconscious self did the best it could with the guidance it had.
With respect to memories, two sets were created at all times. The soul recalled all it chose and did, and the subconscious remembered its choices and engagements therein. Memories were specific and exclusive to the aspect of self that was in attendance and engaged. They remained so until the soul and body reunited, wherein the memories became collective and reflection ensued. The experience and outcomes of this reunion are revealed further in.
You have now seen how I arrived at the gates of purgatory, was drawn in by the myth of evil, bad, and wrong, and what happens every time we’re not looking at the goodness, then issue judgement. You see that there are two simultaneous experiences, one conscious and the other subconscious, and that while both are authentic, they are only aligned when the aspects work together to foster good. Let’s continue. We’ll see how the dragons form and feed, then learn how we leave this tormented place and fly full tilt to heaven.
The dragons rise
The soul was reintegrated, but it was still adamant about judging All That Is. Consistently searching for evil, bad, and wrong, it would find and condemn these, and the subconscious would do its bidding. From the soul’s perspective, darkness was creeping in and it would have to battle harder. It was still quite elated however, for it was fighting the good fight, and that seemed like a virtuous choice.
Meanwhile, the subconscious self was heart-broken and trapped in a loveless life. If it followed the soul’s guidance, suffering ran rampant, and if it chose independently, it had a limited view and made many mistakes. This went on, and it went through increasing fits of agony, always doing its best to be virtuous and true, but not recovering. Many poor choices were made, such as moving away from all loved ones, which greatly intensified grief.
After a couple years of abject agony, something cracked. It was as though the subconscious self could no longer tolerate hell and it was desperate to escape. The dragon came out at that time. It stopped asking the soul for guidance, hurt those I love, and was self-serving. Entirely desperate for love, it would do anything just to feel the least bit of warmth. It manipulated and dominated in search of even a tiny speck of redeeming affection. It was inhumane and fully in control.
To be possessed is to have suffered so greatly that the subconscious takes over in desperation. With a limited perspective and mired in agony, it will do absolutely anything in hopes of finding love. As the soul is neither consulted nor engaged, it is unaware of the choices made and resultant outcomes; the being and its actions are soulless.
That is where many dragons come from, my friend. They come from beings so lost and desperate that they lose their humanity, decency, and goodness. Dragons are born of the emptiness.
Do you feel compassion for that being, so desperate and destroyed? Can you see how successive torment formed the dragon within, then manifested as a dragon in the lives of others? That being was me, or at least an aspect of me. In the daze of judgement, I threw open the gates of hell and strode confidently in. Adamant that I’d destroy evil, bad, and wrong, I maintained judgement until my subconscious self could endure no more. It took over in desperation, and many were hurt in the pursuit of salvation. All of this for judgement, the fruit of the tree of good and evil. Had I seen the myth in this perspective, and simply aligned with the goodness, this never would have been.
In the darkness, a light
Through all the poor choices, I was still loved unconditionally. But we only feel that which we make real within. So, despite the great intensity with which I am loved, the experience of my subconscious self was devoid. My soul still guided on occasion, but it hadn’t solved the myth, so its judgement remained strong; my subconscious most often ran the show. Eventually, it was apparent that I wasn’t progressing and a second intervention ensued.
I was pulling out of a side street onto a four-lane road. Traffic was stopped and a driver kindly left space for me to cross. Unaware of the thirty-foot cube van barrelling down the next lane, I entered and was broadsided. My driver’s side window was down, so I did not hit my head in the impact.
When I looked left and saw the van charging toward me, I realized that there was nowhere for the driver to go other than through me. I recall thinking I’d be hit and might die, but I wasn’t afraid. My thoughts were of my children who were at the beach and would need a ride home. I was concerned for them, not for me.
When vehicles collided, time stopped. I felt exceptionally alert, and immediately recognized that I was not within my body. I was still in the vehicle, and located above and to the right of my form. It felt perfectly normal to be in this state, as real or perhaps more real than when I’d been within the body.
Now, having time stop when you are in an accident proves to be a very interesting experience! The first thing I did was view what was going on within the vehicle. Every shard of glass from the broken windows was suspended in the air; not falling. I was caught up in the beauty of the moment, admiring how each shard was refracting sunlight differently. Though shaped like other shards of glass from a wreck, these were prismatic and alive with light, shimmering in the air. I could perceive every shard in its entirety, from all angles at the same time, and the view was breathtaking.
My soul darted about the suspended shards, admiring them for a few moments, and then turned to the 'task at hand.' This body (to which I felt no meaningful attachment) had just been in an accident, and I wasn’t sure it was still functional. I know that sounds odd, but I simply wanted to know if this body was still intact and usable. My conscious self moved to the front of the body and scanned it from top to bottom, then within. I saw organs and other biology operating, felt my health through them, and everything appeared to be normal.
I was pleased because I needed to pick up my children. I knew they would be confused if it was time to leave and I wasn’t there. That was when I realized that I would need alternate transportation, there was an instant 'blip' of urgency, and my soul and body reunited.
I find it amazing that everything but the health scan seemed to occur in the instant I was hit; that involved no passage of time. Regarding the scan, time resumed at a snail’s pace when I willed it to, enabling me to examine how all was operating within. This manipulation of time seems truly astounding now, but it felt natural in the moment.
The driver of the cube van was certain that he’d killed me. He ran over and I greeted him jovially so that he would not be concerned. I told him I was not injured. Though my mind was in shock and I hadn’t been medically examined, I knew that nothing was damaged, for I’d confirmed this while out-of-body. Police and medics arrived and I assured them I was fine. Though the car was destroyed, they did not check me for internal injuries and I was able to retrieve my children from their swim.
A realignment of character
My second intervention was a powerful turning point. I had not yet seen the myth of evil, and was still living destructive patterns of my past, both consciously and subconsciously. But faced with death, I realized that my true love wasn’t just for me, it was for my children and all others. It was for the glass shards, so alive and shimmering in splendour. It was for All That Is, without exception. I clearly saw the goodness of God and had to be true to it.
I remember being offered a choice when time stopped. I was told I could leave earth if I wished, and that I’d be known as a victim of an unfortunate accident, or I could stay and be there for those I loved. I immediately felt intense compassion toward my children. I had to be there for them. I loved them as I love life itself. That was when I realized I’d need to arrange alternate transportation, the flit occurred, and I was back.
At this point, I was able to love anyone and everything in the world, but I struggled to love myself. I was burdened by the guilt of past choices, unable to change them and unwilling to forgive. United with body, my conscious soul had looked into the past and seen what my soulless self did while attempting to escape hell. The memories left me horrified; intense grief permeated my soul, and debilitating chest pain developed soon afterwards.
I saw several doctors, but none could determine the cause of the problem. Multiple times a day, I would be doubled over in agony, expecting a death that never came. I prayed. I called out to God and spoke from the depths of my heart that I would 'die a thousand deaths if it would undo the pain I’d caused.' I said this countless times.
For three years, I had attacks; about three times a day I would be doubled over in more pain than the mind can even process, and each night I’d have one most debilitating episode. I’d cry out and ask God to take care of my children, each time knowing that this was my last day. I’d pray for them, not for me. They were my life, my treasure, my everything. Eventually, when the pain did not cease, I said a new prayer. 'I empty my vessel of all I have known to be me. Take it as your own, God. Do with me what you will.'
My attacks continued, but only for a few more days. In the midst of a most excruciating attack, something changed. The intensity didn’t lessen, but the pain vanished. I was out-of-body again.
My form moved, but not of my conscious accord. The body rose, walked to my mother’s house a block away, rang her doorbell and collapsed on her step. She answered and it was all I could do to look pleadingly upward and cry out in agony 'please mom, help me.' She maintained composure, called into the house that she was taking me to the hospital, and did so.
To be or not to be
My out-of-body experience continued. The attacks were spaced only minutes apart as she drove. My form would double over or clench right up, scarcely able to breathe. The body was steeped in pain of an intensity beyond worldly measure, and my soul experienced none. I was looking toward my mother’s form and my own from a central position on the windshield.
My mother kept me speaking by inquiring as to how I was doing. My body would respond automatically with its own words, or with words of my soul if it chose to respond, and it rested between attacks. A choice arose within my consciousness. 'You have a beautiful life ahead. You can leave if you wish; heart attacks will be the cause of your death. Or you can stay. Come, let me show you what is to be.'
I was shown pictures of the highest of mountaintops as seen from the alpine. I saw myself hiking behind a small female form dressed in green snow pants, or in shorts and a black cut-off top. I viewed adventure beyond the finest of dreams and felt love wider than the sky. I was shown children, and grandchildren, and a beautiful lady practicing Zen with me atop a mountain. I’d not even met her at the time, but it was she who would become my wife. I was shown that this wasn’t the first time the future had been revealed; it was the reason I continued my journey after reaching the trenches of hell and contemplating suicide. I was totally enamoured by the life foretold; those feelings were my choice to stay.
I received an operation. They removed my gallbladder and three gallstones, one as large as a ping-pong ball. I woke in peace and gave thanks because the pain was gone; I immediately heard a voice 'It is done.' I remembered my vow. I had promised to die a thousand deaths if it would undo the pain I’d caused, and I had. Three years, three times a day, I had attacks, and once each night I died. My honor was restored, my vessel empty, and there was peace.
Each of our histories contain experiences that cross the gamut from intense pain and suffering to supreme happiness and bliss. Within that history are events we appreciate and others we do not accept. These discordant events are often damaging and usually in contrast to our ethics, values, morals, and beliefs. Healing comes through understanding and acceptance, but how do we move past these points of suffering? How do we accept that which is not acceptable?
First, let us understand something about self. As an aligned being, you are not your past deeds, nor are you the person of the past to which you may relate, the person to whom your memories seem to belong. You are the one who found the way and came out the other side. The reason certain memories conflict is precisely because they are not consistent with who you are. If they were aligned with your authentic self, they would never stand out.
Too often we forget who we are; the voice of reason in your head is you. The moral upstanding being who is your internal compass, this is you. Divinity is you and you are beautiful. Your conscious and subconscious past contains events that are less than beautiful, but those only arose because of a myth. Judgement created all that you suffer, and judgement is only possible when we believe that myth.
In closing, reflect on your past and the one I’ve shared thus far. Note that there has never been a time when judgement fostered goodness for all. Every time we’ve personally healed or healed another, and all times we’ve collectively gained, recovery came when we saw the mutual goodness and fostered its growth.
Journal your wisdom and meditate on what you have discovered. Essential points include:
- Every soul is divine, and every subconscious self as well.
- People do not inflict hell on others because they are bad; they do so because they are in hell; their poor choices and actions are a desperate attempt to claw a way out.
- To help another leave hell, express mutual compassion, then help them see and foster some good. This provides an entry path and opportunity for the soul’s return.
- To rise from hell to the heights of heaven, and remain there, eliminate the myth at the root of them all.