In reality we are all spiritual beings. Our souls are living a vastly complex experience that is far beyond our ability to imagine, and our human lives are a very small, but hugely influential aspect of that great big reality of spirit and souls.
My personal life here on earth is almost the inverse of what I imagine my soul's life must be like. Here on earth my spiritual experiences are few, and they have come and gone in a few seconds on the clock, but the impact and the meaning in these occasional events are too immense to compare to anything else in my life.
If I am at all in the mood to entertain the nature of my spiritual experiences, perhaps I need to turn my whole life on its head and assume that my life and all my experiences in this life only have meaning when viewed through spiritual lenses. I say this because I don't believe there is much value in halfway accepting the meaning in our spiritual experiences.
I am going to attempt to outline the spiritual experiences of my life here. I am 48 years old today, July 2, in 2022.
My earliest memories are from when I was an infant. My Mom tells me that I was a fast 4 hours of labor being born and that I learned to walk early, like 6 to 8 months, etc. My first memory in my body was as a baby learning to roll over. I remember trying to learn the skill; I must have been pretty young. I also remember confidentially bragging to my Spirit Guide about how athletically inclined I was in a past body, and that this was going to be easy; I was going to learn how to use this body in no time. There was a lot of conversing with my Spirit Guide from when I was months old to around age 4, that I can recall. I also remember spending a lot of time Out-Of-Body the first year. Going out of body was something that my Spirit Guide could allow or disallow.
Ages 1 to 4, I remember being tutored by my Spirit Guide. He would just show up appearing like a faint illuminated figure, a little smaller than I was. He would instruct me about human nature, compassion, philosophy, war, all kinds of mature things. As I got older, like ages 3 and 4, he would appear less often and would appear as if in a portal screen. This similar screen was used for me to observe life lessons.
At age 4, I remember holding my father’s hand approaching a lively club scene in San Francisco. I got over-stimulated and flew out-of-body. I went up on the roof of a building where people were partying and being loud. I didn't like the experience, and when I was back in my body, I remember trying to tell my parents I was on the roof, but they couldn't understand. They were asking me if I wanted to go on the roof... I gave up on trying to communicate the experience as soon as they were ready to.
At age 4, I was hit by a car. I was riding a plastic toy vehicle called a "bigwheel". I rode out in front of a station wagon going downhill at about 25 to 30 mph. No major injuries. I was one big scab, with a good concussion, and a very sore sternum and diaphragm.
I remember watching the car grill get really close and starting to push me, in slow motion, then I don't remember anything until I'm out of my body. I was going in and out of my body, feeling the pain and then feeling fine. I remember a kid I was playing with offering to go get my Mom and tell her what happened and I offered to go too. I didn't understand that I was unable to move my body, because when I was out of body I could move easily. I remember following with my body to go get my Mom, and trying to talk to him. It seemed like about 10 percent of the time he could understand me, but not like normal for some reason. His mind was more open as a kid and I think I was partially communicating with him. I remember trying to communicate with adults and the effort felt immediately useless.
At some point I flew up higher in the sky and visited with some familiar souls in the sky, 2 or 3 of them. I don't know who they were exactly. I remember trying my best rhetoric to go home but that wasn't even close to being on the table. I went back to following my Mom as she was jogging up to the accident scene. I was up as high as the telephone pole wires looking down on a circle of people around my body, and in a moment I was on my back looking up at the same circle of people around me. It was painful to utter syllables but I tried to say, "I was up there," but it fell on deaf ears. I tried to mention my experience to the nurse the next day, but she wasn't interested in hearing anything like that. Then I tried telling my Mom when she showed up at the hospital that next day, but she tried helping me to learn the difference between a story and a fib. I had a friend of the family that was maybe 6 years old, and I was able to tell her about flying around, etc.
At age 7 I saw an incredible vision, but no OBE. The meaning involved in this experience was immense to my personal existence, and would generally consist of seeing "home", three luminous beings that love me very much, and a vision of the future that has come to pass.
Around age 12, I had an OBE. I was talking with a girl from my class and spontaneously popped out of my body. I shifted to a position like 15 feet behind me and like 8 feet in the air. It was a slow calm OBE. I remember just being the air itself, except it was perfectly me, like more me than I had ever been in my life. I remember having the big epiphany right then and there: "if... this is me... then, who is that?" I was looking at the back of my body walking and talking with this girl but I knew that I was over here, and I was not that body over there talking and acting on autopilot. Not only was this me but it was more of me that I had somehow forgotten about; it was extremely strange. I watched my body stumble through a short conversation with the most popular girl in the school who I had never spoken with before, hoping I wasn't saying anything stupid, then I popped back into my body, trying to finish a sentence that I didn't know the beginning of. So I said that was great, she agreed and we went separate ways. (I could hear the conversation like it was a murmur down a hall, and I probably could have followed the conversation if I wasn't so profoundly distracted by the OBE.) A buddy of mine was waiting while I talked to her and now we were walking away and he says, "That was awesome." I said, "Did you see that?" He was like, "Yeah!" I'm like, "That was weird!" He's like, "Yeah, that was cool." It was like some synchronous humor how we were not at all talking about the same thing. I tried to ask my buddy if he had ever felt like he was up in the air before, but he didn't understand.
I had a handful of OBE's spontaneously in my early teens and younger, each one a little different. I was never comfortable with the feeling except the one at age 12 with the "if... this is me, then... who is that?" epiphany. They were all pretty brief moments. Some traveling around a block or two away, some floating on the ceiling, others trying frantically to get back in my body, popping in and out, trying to stop it. And sometimes having an intense intuitive comprehension of physical materials like never before.
At age 21, had an STE. I was doing a yoga-like exercise that is associated with Kung-fu. I was brand new to this class and was just checking it out to see if I'd like it. The second day, in the middle of this exercise, I hear a sound like a tea pot whistle almost. I then hear a depressurizing-like whoosh sound that seemed to perfectly corollate with a pleasant sensation in my head. It felt like I blew the top of my head off, like in a merry melodies cartoon or something. It felt like a nice breeze rushing upward. We were in a 20 by 30-foot room maybe. At the same moment it looked like the ceiling of the room had blown off. All of this sound, internal sensation, external sensation, and visually impossible spectacle all happened like a unified force. It felt absolutely amazing to just blow the top off like that. I was now looking where the ceiling had been and was looking straight into a star-filled night sky.
No sooner than I could think how weird that was, the floor seemed to disappear, yielding way to the night sky below my feet, then the walls disappeared, and my feet after that. My whole body had become invisible like everything and everyone in the room. I was invisible, all except for some stars that were some kind of energy representations of a form of consciousness. I had like 5 stars of energy consciousness. As I'm noticing all this, I start feeling like I understand the universe and deep forms of wisdom that I never imagined before. It was all very strange, yet it felt natural and obvious at the same time. I didn't know how I was understanding things like this, but at the same time I couldn't understand how I wasn't always understanding things this way either. All of this type of realization happened slowly and comfortably in what felt like the space of less than 2 seconds. As I moved my attention to the left, I could see other stars of energy consciousness. My other classmates had mostly like 1 or 2 stars of consciousness; one of them had 3 stars. They had a lot of telling characteristics that matched perfectly with the sort of individuals they were too. One of the guys just had one bright red star and it perfectly matched him. Another guy with a beautiful blue star well centered and another bright white star and a fainter third star; he was a very cool dude too... they all had various characteristics. The teacher at the front had very uniform alignment on his double rows of like 8 stars, but not much variation in colors. I had more bright stars than the other students, but alignments were not nearly as ordered and impressive as the teacher’s.
I was completely amazed and thought that this was some super-secret meditation school that did this all the time. Everything in the room started becoming opaque again and all the secrets of the universe faded into the veil again. I didn't want it to change back. I was still moving rhythmically through the postures and movements as best I could, breathing, hoping I would be able to wade my way back into the universe. I was absolutely amazed, as I exclaimed, "Do you do this all the time?" It took me a while to figure out that they were not having the same experience when doing that exercise, nor was I going to have that experience again. The latter wasn't entirely accurate though.
Also at age 21, my big STE. This was around 6 to 9 months later, during a long walk with regulated breathing. This was the 2nd or 3rd walk that I had gone on trying to pierce the veil. I felt ready every so often to try to pierce the veil, and for whatever reason it happened this time.
As I exhaled my foot accidentally kicked a pebble. I watched the pebble spend the energy that my foot put into it, as I started to notice I had a vision of where the pebble would land, and the path it would travel there. At the same moment I became aware of the path of the pebble in reverse, forward from end to beginning, and from beginning to end while it was in the middle. It is impossible to explain how odd this was. When the pebble landed in its resting state, it somehow put to rest the vision of the pebble’s ending-to-beginning path and energy, in some odd balance. It was a question that put my mind in the now, as I came out of my body very smoothly. I was up and behind my body, thinking that is what I am recently used to thinking of as myself, but I was very comfortable with being this out-of-body shapeless invisible consciousness. I was watching myself walk along.
The rest of this experience I am about to briefly go through all happened in less than 5 seconds, judging by how far I walked, with no indication of having stopped walking, because when I came back in my body I was in midstride.
I was out of body looking at my walking body from behind. Everything looked normal at first and then it was like a silver filter breeze kind of misted across my awareness of everything, as I began to float away from my body’s location diagonally up and away. I watched everything just get smaller and smaller until I was looking at the whole of the earth. I wasn't just seeing the earth though; I could feel an alive energy that was like living on a different channel. It was absolutely beautiful to put it cheaply. The experience was very powerful and I felt the need to stabilize my energy and kind of emulate the earth's calm compassionate presence. Once I had mimicked the earth’s beautiful example to some degree, I was traveling away from earth very rapidly, past the sun, which I watched shrink into a regular size star before disappearing altogether.
I was now in a black void where I seemed to have a body again. I don't think I needed one, but I felt so increasingly amazing floating in this peaceful nothingness, I just wanted to celebrate. Since I was 21 years old and incredibly athletic, I think I just wanted a body. I was doing flips and kicks of joy, but there was absolutely no satisfaction in the effortless perfect precision control I had over this conjured body. I used the body for a while, while just loving this awesome nothingness. I was totally content with the nothingness and felt like I could stay there forever, but if I didn't conjure a little activity to contrast with the perfect stillness of the void, I was even sure I was there to enjoy the perfect rest. It was kind of like paying for the best massage ever and getting sleepy, and then deciding if you want the ultimate nap for your money or force yourself to stay awake to appreciate what's happening. This whole space was like somewhere outside of time.
At some point I'm drifting through the cosmos, feeling the life of cosmological webs. The entire universe is conscious and alive, and a small local section of it is much bigger than I was ever able to imagine all of it being. It is alive and conscious, but in some kind of mindless unintelligible form of perfect wisdom. I am just overwhelmed by the awe and power of stars and black holes. It's beautiful if it doesn't destroy you and is beyond terrifyingly awesome in its destructive power. I felt like less than an ant, enjoying a ballet from the same floor they're leaping across. Nowhere is safe and the closer you are to the destruction, the more you can witness. It was like being seduced by the universe into thinking, well you wouldn't unveil all of this to me just to swallow me up in its destruction, would you? Yet at the same time you'd be a fool’s fool if you didn't clearly see that the cosmos was demonstrating perfect impartiality, unfolding seamlessly as an ultra-arcane art form. The more you can trust, the more beauty would be unveiled. The whole ordeal felt like the rarest of privileges just to witness. Once I was able to accept the honor and conditions of this privilege, and my uncertain position in the balance of it, my consciousness was violently expanded into travel beyond the positions of all matter. There were tiny tiny tiny little glimmers of specks of light at the vastest of distances away now. It was like each fleck of light was in a different universe or completely different aspect of time. I was left to hang out in this area for quite some time until something began to reflect my consciousness.
I began to hear this perfect music. It was more like sounds of consciousness than a song. I heard 3 perfect songs from 3 enlightened cultures. Then I heard earth just making noise.
Then I was shown a kind of 13-thousand-year history of humanity on earth.
Later I was greeted by a teacher that looked like a Buddha garden statue but was made of light of compassion. I was taught the meditation of the compassionate heart. Then I came to a second teacher by whom I was shown the enlightened mind. I did my best to emulate their examples, and then they let me go on.
The third one was heart, mind, and nature combined. Now, instead of a meditation, there were scenarios to be lived through.
After I was released from that lesson, I came to a pool. Everything is like in the black of outer space with certain figures and/or structures illuminating into play.
At the pool there is absolute indulgence of the senses, a nirvana of synesthesia. I didn't exit this pool when I was supposed to. Then a voice said, “It's time.” I wasn't leaving the pool; it was too good. Then a luminous figure that was greater than the teachers before came to retrieve me. I saw an all-white environment where he came from... across the universe through a blueish-white conveying tube.
This figure was beyond amazing, made out of pure reality and perfection, love and light. Behind him were like 5 to 8 of my peers from the other side, all appearing in odd abstract forms. They were all very curious to observe my state. The one perfect luminous being showed me a bunch of different things, including my future.
I wandered astray, taking too much for granted, like when I would exit the pool and I ended up seeing a distant speck of light that morphed into a luminous being that would indulge my every weakness. This is where I would experience hundreds of past lives, a lot of karma, an eternal path of incarnation and soul progress, a path that literally spans eternity. After a lot of lifetimes, you're closer to the beginning of time on the path again. After who knows how many lifetimes, you are closer to the end of time. After many more lives moving forward on the path, you are closer to the beginning of time again.
There are markers and a destination on this path, though. Progress is made through meaning. There is a hall of masters waiting at the end of the path. When you can allow yourself to be dead to all eternity, with your will being nowhere in the universe, then you can sit with the masters and be whatever the universe is. But you have to lay your part down and have faith in all the rest to come. Or you can go on fooling around trying to improve the universe, and/or yourself, on the path.
There was another way not to end up incarnating temporarily, through balance and no judgment, but I could barely do it. Incarnation was too many hells for me. I am always terrified of incarnation. I was offered to be scattered like dust into several different times and places if I passed through a presented portal. If I went through there, it was presented as being the destruction of my soul, like recycling. I would become many smaller more basic life forms, or I could come back to my 21-year-old body. I came back to my body. I was able to see through the universe for a minute. Saw a lot of different luminous shapes and colors about my energy body. I cannot describe how exhausted I was after that. The whole thing is a lot more elaborate and a lot more folds and unfolding of time within there, but the whole thing seemed to have happened in about 5 seconds or less, here on earth.