I briefly want to introduce my background before I get into my experience. I grew up in a Christian home, and became a born-again Christian in 2002. Got married in 2011, had kids and started to pull away from faith. Became really depressed with mundane life, work, couldn’t find purpose. Kept seeking truth though, and somehow started researching psychedelics. I had never done any hardcore drugs my entire life, and pretty much lived a clean lifestyle.
Peoples’ stories inspired me on meeting God, finding bliss, peace, meeting entities, exiting this realm and seeing the other side, so I decided I wanted to try this for myself. I attempted to find DMT, but had no success; eventually I found psilocybin mushrooms. Over the next couple months, I took small doses just to see how I would react to the mushrooms, just because I had never taken anything like that before and didn’t know what to expect. The experiences were pretty amazing, saw many things I didn't expect, and the next day I had a glow and thankfulness for life. It was like my vision was in high definition as well.
The third time I took the mushrooms, it was the remainder of the bag, a huge amount. It was only a few minutes in when I started to feel the effects, but this time it felt like something was wrong. I immediately went into the restroom, and it felt like I was going to die. I was praying to Jesus to help me, asking forgiveness to my kids in my mind for making a huge mistake, then everything went into a grey fog, and then eternity.
I felt as if I was in that moment for thousands of years, not blissful either. I was struggling with all my might to stay, but it was too late. Even many months later I still wasn't sure if I was dead and just imagining everything, or back alive. So then, somehow, I came out of the bathroom and into the kitchen to find a clock. It was only a couple minutes since I went into the restroom. All of a sudden, I was in a bad psychedelic loop. That also seemed to last an eternity, and there was no way out of it. I lost total control for hours, until I reached the peak. The loop started to become tighter in my mind, and started to stop. As it did, I noticed a digital code on all material objects. Time stopped; everything was frozen.
I heard a woman's voice say, "Jeremy did magic mushrooms!" I then looked down and saw my dad’s face like a reflection, but as a young man. He is still alive, by the way. He looked at me and smiled, kinda laughed and disappeared. Then all of a sudden, I felt his presence, then my mom, then my sister, then all of mankind. It was surreal. I was one with everyone and everything. I was fully aware as if the effects of the mushrooms weren't even in my system. I also felt trapped, as if I were in a prison. I couldn't go any higher, there was nothing else. That was one of the hardest parts for me to understand. It lasted for only a few minutes, then it felt as if I was just freefalling and spiraling down for hours; it was terrible. What seemed like another eternity, the effects of the mushrooms started to stop, and I was back in my body.
I couldn’t believe I was back and was so thankful to be back, that was the best feeling in the world. Over the next few months, I was trying to figure out what had happened to me and what I experienced. I wanted to know if I could experience the oneness I felt without any substance. Somehow came across Christ consciousness through meditation. I practiced that meditation for a couple months, and was making progress. I was seeing most of the same images in my mind during meditation as I did during the first couple mushroom experiences, but hadn't reached that oneness experience yet.
One of the visions I had was a kind of light being visiting me. I asked, “Who are you?” It said, “I'm Lucifer, the light bearer. What would you like?” I said, “Oh, can I fly?” After that it just kind of rolled its eyes and floated away. Shortly after this I quit meditating, I wanted nothing to do with it any longer. In my religious background, I knew Lucifer was something I shouldn't be dealing with. Even months after I wondered if my soul was now dammed because of it. During one mediation experience I felt a burning sensation go up my spine. I recently learned that it was the effects of a kundalini awakening. I had no idea the effects would come to me about 11 months later.
I was fine for these 11 months, until I started having weird thoughts and sensations. It felt as if fire and bad vibrating sensations were in my neck and brain. Everything felt off. My ear would ring bad on one side or the other, one side of my head would be warmer than the other, I felt bipolar, depressed, nothing made me feel safe or secure. It felt as if something was crawling inside my brain literally. I did a lot of research and that’s when I discovered kundalini depression syndrome. I would wake up at 3am every night with bad fire and electrical sensations, along with nightmares. One night I woke up and a black orb came out of my mouth. I felt instantly better, but as I started to fall asleep, I felt something pull me out of my body into the astral plane. I screamed, “Where are you?” Then it tried pulling me away. I said, “In Jesus name, leave me,” and it did. I also had my forehead glowing one night, when I awoke again; some outside force put an electrical charge in the center of my forehead very intensely. I've learned to become more grounded. I sleep with a grounding pad on my feet and it seems to help.
I've been so alone in this, but that's when I started researching NDE and found IANDS. It's been the only comfort I've had in such a long time. There is definitely a lot more to my story, but that's the main part of it all. I know it's not as grand as an NDE, but I feel like my experience has changed me forever, and I hope somehow I can find purpose in all this. Thank you.