In late 1997 I had a vivid dream. I knew it had a profound symbolic answer to the mystery of life. But I couldn’t find any explanation of it. I pondered upon it daily and hoped to either get an insight myself or for someone to explain the meaning to me.
I had been attending different meditation gatherings occasionally. One of those places was a metaphysical bookstore in Dallas. The store was about forty minutes’ drive from my home. It was a combination of highway and street driving. Streets had plenty of traffic lights and highway traffic, as is typical in a major city like Dallas.
During one of those gatherings in the backroom one evening in March 1998, I went into a deep long meditation. I didn’t realize the session was over and everyone had left the room. By the time I came out of meditation I saw I was the only one in the room and it was 9 pm. It was time for the store to close. I hurriedly went towards the main entrance of the store to say good night to the bookstore owner. She was also in a hurry to wrap up and leave for the day.
That day I had hoped I’d talk to her and she might know the answer or guide me to it in one of the books in her store. I felt slightly disappointed that I didn’t have time to talk to the owner about the meaning of my dream. I was also wondering that despite the long deep meditation I didn’t get any insight into the meaning of my dream or see, feel or experience anything out of the ordinary during meditation. Although overall I was feeling very peaceful and pleasant.
Absentmindedly I went into the parking lot which was empty except for two cars. There was no other traffic on the road. It was calm weather, dark except for street lights. I sat in my car, closed the door, put on my seatbelt, put the key in the ignition and turned it on.
That very instant there was a sound of a shockingly loud explosion. For a split second I thought my car had blown up or there was some bomb explosion.
But amazingly I was still there and before I could react to the explosive sound anymore, I was soaking in Divine Love. It was as if the whole Universe had opened up 360°. It was all open Space. It was the whole Existence right there.
It is impossible to describe that Love. It was purer than pure. It was beyond my wildest imagination. It is not right to even call it love but there is no other word in the dictionary to describe it. This Love was not a part of the formless Existence. The Existence itself was Love. This Existence didn’t have Love, it didn’t express Love, IT was LOVE ITSELF. Nothing but pure Love.
It was as if this all-pervasive Love couldn’t help but overflow. The Love from existence was overflowing nonstop, dripping love drops everywhere. Each Love Drop was taking a physical form. All of nature was forming out of the love drops. Each tree, each blade of grass, each dew drop, each insect, each human body, each drop of water was a physical manifestation of the invisible formless Love.
Everything, the whole Existence, was not just created and then filled with love (like jelly is filled in a Jelly donut), but the very substance of everything was made of Pure Love. The very essence, the very being of everything was Love.
During all this experience I had no awareness of my body. I don’t know how much time had elapsed. I was not aware of any physical space either. I didn’t have any thoughts at that time. I was in a total experiential state. It is only later I was able to think and give words to that experience.
When you change the gear in a standard shift car there is a slight pause and jerk. Almost kind of like that gear shift, there was a shift in my experience just as suddenly.
I became aware that I was in a vehicle even though I still had no awareness of anything physical including my body. This ‘I’ was more like an ‘I’ as an Awareness. My focus went to the space in front of me. It was as if I was in a vehicle flying at lightning speed in open dark space and billions of shimmering stars were flying towards my windshield from the opposite direction at lightning speed, too. They were not colliding with or touching the windshield. They were flying past my windshield.
Next, I became aware that I had been crying a lot, more like bawling. I still couldn’t feel or sense my body but I knew tears were flowing non-stop because I was overwhelmed with all the Divine Love.
Again, I had no sense of actual physical space or time. The flying through Space and stars went on for a long time.
Then another sudden shift occurred, like a gear shift in a standard car. In a snap I was experiencing COMPLETE ONENESS WITH THE Absolute. I was the Absolute.
I was no longer a separate awareness experiencing God but I became IT. I was THAT. I was the Omnipresent LOVE! I was the FORMLESS ONE DRIPPING LOVE DROPS THAT WERE manifesting INTO FORM everywhere. All of it was me. I was in God and God was in me. We were One and the same. I was the formless and the form, all pervading and timeless. I was everything and nothing at the same time, beyond time and space.
I had no awareness of my body, any separate existence as a physical being, of the car I was in or of surroundings.
Abruptly another major gear shift occurred. Similar to the Second Phase, I became aware of myself as a separate entity, although I still didn’t sense my physical body, time or space. I call this awareness MACRO ME and MINI ME.
I was the Absolute, everything, all Pervading and Eternal and simultaneously I was contained in a body self too. It was an extremely thrilling and exhilaratingly blissful feeling that “I,” the all Pervading, was also the “I” in a physical body EXPRESSING ITSELF and EXPERIENCING ITSELF through the body and a specific personality.
I ‘knew’ I had a physical body and that body was behind the wheel of the car, driving, but I couldn’t exactly ‘feel’ my body. I knew I was driving but couldn’t see or feel my arms or hands or my legs or any other physical body part.
Up until then, I was just having pure experience without any thinking or processing. But suddenly I had curiosity. I wondered, “If I can’t feel any physical body I am in, then what is the part that is doing this thinking? Where is this awareness of experience coming from? Where is the part that is differentiating between the Cosmic/Macro-I and Mini-I?”
When I questioned that, I could sense some limited space over where my physical head would have been (had I been able to actually feel my physical body), where all these thoughts seem to be coming from.
Next, I became aware of Mini-I being completely overwhelmed with the LOVE again, bawling with non-stop stream of tears and questioning, “How do we humans forget this Truth about ourselves? How do we get so separated from our True Selves? How can we commit horrendous crimes, hate, be violent and inflict pain on others?”
I was now also completely overwhelmed with pain about our collective non-loving ways. It was heart-wrenching.
Through all of this I was still whizzing through Space with billions of stars flying at lightning speed into the windshield without touching it and disappearing. I had no sense of time or physical space.
Through this heart-wrenching overwhelmed state, I continued to have no awareness of how much time had elapsed and how was I able to drive all the way from the bookstore to the house, on streets and highways. I never saw the ‘road’ in front of me, the little bit that I was aware of driving. It was only driving through billions of stars in Space flying by.
I wasn’t thinking that I’m crying, but now that I narrate the experience, I know I was bawling and had nonstop tears streaming down my eyes and face.
I did suddenly become aware of myself pulling into the driveway of my house with still nonstop tears streaming down my eyes and face.
As soon as I pulled into my home driveway, put the car in park, and turned off the ignition I, for the first time, became aware of physical space. I wasn’t thinking about my body but I had a more concrete sense of my body. I noticed I had streams of tears flowing.
I locked the car. I walked into the house. Everyone was asleep. My two toddlers were sleeping. All lights were turned off. I quietly walked into my son’s room. He woke up a bit. I quickly picked him up before he could start crying and rocked him gently while sitting on the edge of the bed. He fell asleep again. I laid him back on his bed.
I was still soaking in love. I do not remember changing my clothes and getting into the guest bed so no one will be disturbed.
I sat up in bed. By this time, it was probably between 10pm-10:15pm.
As soon as I sat up in bed, the temporarily-halted experience restarted. It was as if the whole experience was on a temporary pause and now the play button was pushed again but differently.
I was Love. Every fiber of my being was bursting with Love. Love was pouring into me. I started hearing ancient Sanskrit chants. I felt the presence of sages chanting all around my head and in the space above my head, like they were doing Yagnas (Holy Fire Sacred ceremonies). It wasn’t physical sound, but awareness of their presence and sounds.
Simultaneously there were unearthly smells, like sandalwood incense. They were extremely strong in my nostrils and going up my forehead.
Every nerve, every cell, every fiber of my being was vibrating with these overpowering sounds, presences, smells and Love. I felt I couldn’t contain it any more. I felt I would blow up or burst into a billion pieces. My senses couldn’t handle the power of this experience.
I didn’t have any sense of my physical body, time or space. Probably my eyes were closed.
I tried and tried and tried but I reached a point where I felt I couldn’t take the experience anymore without exploding into billions of pieces. At that moment I silently cried within myself, “I can’t take this anymore.”
That very instant everything stopped and disappeared, the sounds, the smells, the bursting with Love.
I was still soaking in love but simultaneously exhausted. Perhaps all the crying, the tears, had me exhausted. I didn’t check the time but it must have been around 3am or 4am because I had a short and very refreshing sleep until it was daytime and I needed to wake up.
I also wonder if I actually went into deep meditation for a while when I sat up in bed and then the experience of sounds and smells began. Looking at the duration I was sitting up and how incredibly overpowering the experience was, I wonder how I could have gone through it for so many hours.
I obviously drove the car for 40 minutes from the bookstore to my house on highways and streets, but I have no conscious knowledge of how the car got driven.
At the time of that experience I was already a disciple of an Enlightened Master and a perfect Yogi, my Guru, who lived in India. I rarely ever had any conversations with him. Back in 1982 when I had asked him spiritual questions, he had told me, “All answers are within you. Go and experience them for yourself.” Therefore, he gave me no verbal or written guidance or explanations, but afterwards in the year 2000 he told me that I had a true and valid experience.
- Although I was in a successful upwardly-mobile IT career which I had thoroughly enjoyed, I couldn’t continue with it anymore. I knew I needed to focus on spiritual growth and be an energy healer. I quit my career to be an energy healer.
- Miraculous healings happened through me. I was able to help many people.
- Following a career or pursuit of wealth lost all meaning. Even though it was a huge challenging shift to give up a big paycheck and there was a lack of support for my decision, I didn’t continue with my IT career.
- I developed intuitive ability which I practiced during healing. I had intuitive knowledge of tissue massage and reflexology. I enthusiastically and formally learnt these modalities which I would have never considered earlier.
- I was able to give inspired guidance to people when they asked. I knew I wasn’t speaking from my mind but guidance was coming through me.
- I was never a speaker or writer before. Although I am a very quiet introvert and loner by nature, people have sought me out and asked me to speak and write more. In 2010-2011 my Guru also publicly announced to his followers to reach out to me for spiritual guidance.
- I unexpectedly found myself in several situations where I have had to speak spontaneously on spiritual topics.
- I learned how to build and started my own blogsite and You Tube channel and I am trying to be more public at a global level.
- My children had spiritual knowledge and my daughter was psychic (sees dead people). I was able to encourage their gifts. I welcomed my son’s request to be homeschooled. We had numerous spiritual discussions through his successful homeschooling years.
- Prior to the experience, I used to have frequent infections, allergy attacks and breathing issues including asthmatic episodes. I have been able to use the wisdom and knowledge of this experience as an anchor to navigate very difficult situations and heal mentally, emotionally and physically.
- I have come in contact with many enlightened masters hailing from India. They have automatically asked me to be available to provide spiritual guidance to their followers or translate their extempore sermons from Hindi to English because they say that I capture the true essence of their sermons.