Seven to eight years ago I was very depressed up to the point that I didn’t want to go on with life. It was during that time that I started to think more and more about my old girlfriend.
Then one morning, the moment before I woke up, my old girlfriend appeared. She was formless, a being of light, but I recognized her right away. I was so glad to see her.
I can imagine that some people might think that this was a dream, but it wasn’t. It was real, more real than life itself. I would call life a dream if I had to make a comparison. I was in an in-between state between being awake and a different realm, a realm that made it possible to ‘see’ my girlfriend.
She came to me and gave me something that I needed so badly at that moment: unconditional love. It filled every cell of my body. It is the most beautiful experience I ever witnessed. I was totally accepted in this love. I was loved at the deepest level of my being. There was no judgement, only love.
At the moment she made contact, we also talked to each other, telepathically. There was no sound, no thought, it was a direct knowing. It comes from a place where thoughts come into existence. I had a completely wrong idea about telepathy. There are no thoughts involved. It is a direct knowing. When I think about it, it reminds me of my time during college that my professor told me about Chomsky, a scientist, who believed that every language has the same basis. That’s why you can translate a text between different languages, if we leave out the cultural aspect.
And my girlfriend told me a lot. But my mind is slow and needs time to let it sink in. I still can’t recall it all, but it has given me a deeper insight.
The first thing she told me was that she wasn’t around anymore. Not on the earthly plane.
She didn’t tell me how she died. She asked me to contact her friend and tell her what I experienced.
After this experience it took me a few days to recover. (I cried for hours after this experience. My whole body was shocked in an uncontrollable way.)
I started to look for her friend. I knew this person. She was the little sister of the girl I was fond of. She was few years older than I am, but she was not interested in me. She thought that I was too young for her.
I had no idea how I could contact her. When I knew my girlfriend, there was no such thing as internet, no email. We wrote hand-written letters to each other.
But now we have internet, so I tried to find her via the internet, but I could find absolutely nothing.
I became very desperate. So at a certain moment I opened Google Maps and looked at the city where she lives or lived. I glanced over the streets and suddenly my eyes stopped at a street and somehow I knew that her parents lived in this street. And even more interesting, I even knew the house number. This was so weird, since I have never been to her parent’s house.
So I looked up this address in the phonebook and I did find her parents (the last name corresponded). I called her parents, but there was so much noise in the background, as if some party was going on. So I decided to write a letter to her parents and ask them if their daughter could contact me.
After a few days I was contacted by her friend. She was so impressed by my story, even more so because I was able to contact her via her parents.
She told me that my girlfriend had died a few years before at the age of 38. She had Cystic Fibrosis, something I didn’t know back then.
What changed during this experience? I have become more spiritual. I wouldn’t say that I have changed a lot. I can still be submerged in this merry-go-round that we call life, but at least I do recognize that this is a merry-go-round.
My health is not so good. I just had a heart attack before this experience. Maybe the build-up of the anxieties of the last years blocked my heart. I do know that I will not grow old and that’s fine (I have no fear of death). But I do feel responsible for my family. I have no idea if that is a good thing.
Is there life after death? I know that there are people that want to know this. The problem with this question is that I will never know this. It is outside the boundaries of what I can ‘know’. That’s why science will always fail to answer this question, I think.
I can tell you there is life after death, but the problem with that answer is that there was never death in the first place (or birth for that matter). That’s what my girlfriend told me. The problem is the limitation of our ego that can’t see that the top (birth) and bottom (death) are just part of the wave that we call life.
As ego we will always be limited by linear space and time and be unable to see past these limitations. So we keep asking these questions that we can’t answer.
The love that I experienced somehow crossed these boundaries. I would like to compare it to a black hole, where the boundaries of our experiences crumble down into a singularity. I tasted unconditional love and through the merger with this love I was able to experience the boundlessness of my being; my ego subsided for something much bigger.
I’m still failing as a husband and as a father. At least that is how I experience it. I just want to tell you, I have not turned into some super human being, I still have my faults, but I have found something that is much bigger than my ego.
What I learned after this experience is that love is the most important thing in the universe.
I see love in everything. That’s how I see the world nowadays. Even what most people would consider as evil is just love, a flower that didn’t have the opportunity to blossom.
I see nothing but love. But since I’m still an ego, it still happens that I get angry, feel hurt, feel happy, all the emotions that we all share.
If we could stand still a little bit more and give love to all the people around us, a smile, a helping hand, a listening ear. It is so simple. This would have a very positive transformative effect on our world.
So go into your heart and ask yourself: what is really important?