Five years ago, I booked a one-week pampering retreat.
I was tired and was seeking a solution to my misery in my 28-year relationship with my partner.
To make it as short as possible, on the fourth day, while having reflexology on my feet, I could feel enormous tingling in my hands, then a blue green sort of mist came out of my feet, then my whole body. I was living it and observing it. I got an enormous burning sensation on my feet and hands. My hands were going inward like they were shrinking.
I had no control but was conscious and could talk. I was in great distress and scared and at the same time accepting what was happening, despite it being very painful. Aiela, who was with me, was putting a cold cloth on my hands and feet to try to ease the pain. There was a kind of firework of energy, although at that time I had no idea what energy was.
I don't know how long it lasted, and my body had no strength at all. It subsided, but to prepare for a last phase, when I screamed as if hundreds of people were screaming through my throat. It did not feel like it was my pain. There was no image or emotion attached to this immense scream, although I recall black colour and a sense of abstract suffering going through me. I knew it would end and it had to come out.
After the experience, I had no strength for a few hours and I was shaking. I felt enormous pressure on my lower abdomen for 2 days as if I had given birth. I felt an incredible sense of wonder.
My senses were greatly enhanced. I could see the same things with immense love and gratitude and, also, I could hear some conversations at a distance (I realised that later, as at first I thought that some people were speaking very loudly and could not understand why).
I was also bathing in unconditional love. It was incredible. For someone like me who was born catholic in France, but a most convinced atheist, my vision of who we are and what the world is has forever changed since that experience.
I have had other experiences since, not as dramatic and painful, but sometimes very strong and scary. The most remarkable thing for me is since that experience, I am not the same person. I am much happier. (I have sailed across the Atlantic, have left my partner, and made new friends and have a new lover.) I feel much more integrity in who I am. And at the same time, it is not easy to share this part of me with many others. I feel different and sometimes isolated, as I can’t share this part of me.
Time has changed for me. It is much slower. I am rarely stressed by life, whatever happens. I tend to switch off when I feel lots of negativity. I can’t watch TV or listen to the news. Also, I feel energy (vibrations) in my hands and sometimes my whole body as soon as I wake up and for most of the day. It is a pleasant sensation. It makes me aware of the energy field.
I don’t know what to make of it and what to do with that. I know that my purpose is to be happy and help as many people as possible to feel happy. I am wondering if I am doing enough though.
I feel very grateful for having had this experience, which was so much more than the solution I was seeking at first.