NDE Accounts

Sitting with Death

It was a time in my life that I had just begun growing into adulthood. I was living with my girlfriend at the time and had come from a Christian background where I was a very active member of my church. A short while before meeting my girlfriend, I began delving into other religious genres such as Neo-Paganism, Wicca, Demonolatry and  Luciferianism. You name it. I tried it. At the time of my experience I was mainly confused with most religion and no longer felt at home with any system of belief so I considered myself an Atheist, rebelling against all forms of belief.

I can easily say I was a very depressed person. I was not happy with my work, my girlfriend, or any other circumstances. I spent a lot of time smoking pot and drinking. At this time in my life I was very emotionally dependent on my girlfriend. We had only one car which had recently gotten into an accident, sending me on an all time low. My girlfriend went on a long trip with a class she was taking and I was left alone with little more than myself, a 13" TV, bag of weed and Playstation.

I worked third shift and began taking nights off from work and feeling super depressed. I couldn´t sleep and didn´t want to eat anything. At some point I had stayed awake the entire day and decided to quit my job. After not sleeping for 24 hours my mind began to repeat suicidal thoughts. I found my way to a local drug store and bought a family package of Benadryl, 65 tablets or so. I popped them all out of the package and proceeded to down as much as I could. I followed it with a little liquor, stayed on my sofa and thought I would just fall asleep forever. Strangely enough I can remember that moment vividly to this day.

I am not sure how long I slept, but when I woke up I began having serious hallucinations. I knew I was in a hallucinogenic state because I still had my mental faculties telling me this was not real. I was sort of slipping in and out of reality. I could not walk well and fell over quite a bit. Strangely enough I was not even thinking of how I was still alive. At some point during my hallucinations I sat on my sofa and felt like I fell asleep.

I woke up looking into the distance at my wall. At this point I no longer felt that I was sleeping or alive or really awake. I was mostly confused, but I still knew I was in my apartment. From the wall I saw what looked like a black dot coming toward me. It got close very fast and became more clearly defined. As I looked closer, it had skin that was grey/white, like ash skin. It had clothing that looked like a robe that was pitch black and seemed to be deep as nothing. The feeling of nothing is also how I felt looking at this being. As I saw its face it was elongated and sunken in with some features of a skeletal face still with the same ash-like skin.

At first when I realized I was in the presence of a creature--death if you will--I was horrified, excited, sad and happy all at once. Then as quickly as the gamut of emotions, I felt completely at ease and emotionless. Then I was able to see myself sitting with death. I saw myself in a bubble-like thing quite impossible for me to really describe. The closest description I can think of may be like my auric bubble that was somewhat yellow. Death began to communicate with me telepathically and our conversation was instantaneous. To this day, I cannot remember what was said. I began to float upward and felt I was leaving my body. Death reached out an elongated skinny finger, not bone-like but just skinny. I sunk back into my body. I can remember death shaking his head like saying no. I still felt completely at ease while I began to fall asleep again.

When I woke up, it was in my hallucinogenic condition again, but I still somehow knew I was hallucinating and not sure how to take what just happened to me. During this state I filled the bathtub with water and plugged it, which caused it to leak and take out the power in the entire building. Shortly after I was institutionalized for three weeks to get my head back on straight. I had forgotten about my near-death experience,assuming it was part of the trip. As years passed, I began having an overwhelming feeling that part of my trip was indeed a NDE.

After this experience I had no suicidal tendencies or actions. Since then I have come to terms with the thoughts that I had a NDE and lost my fear of death. As more years pass I have become Atheistic, but with the idea that what may lie beyond goes past our descriptions or definitions. Thus I am an Atheist to the beliefs of religion. The experience of death and the realistic feeling I had of it has taught me there are certainly things we know nothing about, yet one day we will. My NDE made me a better person as I grew beyond suicidal tendencies and began to concentrate on those around me more. I hope this proves helpful to readers.

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GI almost dies, has painful life review and flies around the world

In April 1996 I was deployed to Thailand to support this annual military joint exercise named “Cobra Gold.”  If I would give a ‘guesstimate,’ I would say around 2,000 U.S. soldiers from all military branches were also deployed. Thailand was a beautiful place to live. The people were friendly, the food was delicious, and there was so much to explore.  Unfortunately, the country is a public health nightmare. There is an incredible amount of disease and germs in Thailand. It was so bad, the military’s Public Health Department prescribed everyone Doxycycline as a preventative medicine. I am not totally sure about how I got the H. pylori germ. It is a toss-up between the ice that was in my glass of soda or the “sampler plate” that had ten different types of meat. I am not a gambling man, but I would probably put $100 on the sampler plate, from which I accidently ate frog, snake and dog meat.  Let’s just say that dog meat tastes like a tough steak.

I started feeling the symptoms somewhere around the tail end of my deployment in June. I remembered asking my friend Pic, “Does my neck looks swollen to you?” to which he replied, “Hell yeah!” At first, I felt fatigued. The fatigue was so extreme that I drank Pepsi nearly all day, for the caffeine. This chronic fatigue lasted weeks, until I returned from Thailand, sometime in late June 1996.  

The symptoms got worse every week after I returned from Thailand.  I had stabbing pains in my stomach, a constant burning pain in my throat, and I would poop this strange orange jelly-like material. I know, too much information. I drank Maalox like coffee. I would carry the small Maalox bottle in my back pocket like a flask of liquor. I even sipped on it like Hennessey. Eventually, I started going to the military doctor every two weeks, for three months. He would give me the same spill, “Your body is fighting something.  Let’s wait a little longer to see what manifests.”  

Finally, he told me, “Look! The next time I see you, you’d better be in the emergency room!”

After hearing the same speech, I stopped going.  I guess his words finally got to me. Therefore, I waited for a huge symptom, like an alien to pop out of my stomach.

As time passed, my symptoms became more severe.  I started having some breathing issues, like wheezing and nasal flaring. I remember sitting in a college English classroom on the base, gasping for air. It felt like I was breathing through a straw. I looked at my other classmates to see if they were having breathing issues.  After class was over, I went home, laid on the bed and fell into a deep sleep.

The next day was October 25th, my “Happy Birthday Eve day,” since my birthday was the following day, on the 26th. I remember feeling fatigued and wheezing that day. I remember thinking, “Why am I focusing on inhaling and exhaling today?” I remember clutching my chest, due to breathing issues. I laid in bed and immediately passed out while clutching my chest.  Immediately after I lay down, I felt my body levitate from the bed. I did not think anything of it because my body still felt “heavy,” as if I still weighed 210 lbs.  As I reached the ceiling of the bedroom, my body flipped around to a birds-eye view. That’s when I saw my real motionless body on the bed, still clutching its chest. My spiritual body came back down from the ceiling and stood in front of the bed. The television was behind me on the dresser and the volume was very loud.  

“Am I really out of my body?”  “Let me analyze this TV.” I looked at the vents that were on the side of the TV.  I put my ear to both side speakers and stood again in front of the TV to hear the different sound levels. Since I was a straight O.G. Sinner who was drinking and partying, I was more fascinated with being in another dimension than seeing heavenly beings. Therefore, I applied my critical thinking and deductive reasoning skills to help draw a conclusion on whether or not this was real.

What I did know at that point was that I didn’t have any more pain.

After analyzing the TV, I looked up at the ceiling and was blown away!  The ceiling in the bedroom was completely gone. The ceiling was replaced with outer space, with small bright stars.  It was as if the entire universe was condensed to what looked like a star map on my ceiling! This outer space, it was so dark that it seemed to glow.    I had never seen any object so dark. The closest thing that I could compare it to is the top of a black oven/stove or a flat screen TV. The stars where tiny but bright, similar to white Christmas tree lights.  However, the darkness from this space overshadowed the lights. I stared at this for at least five minutes. I remember saying, “I must be in another dimension,” because at that point I realized that no elements from the Periodic Table mattered.

After gazing at the ceiling and analyzing my television, I turned completely around. That’s when I saw him! Standing at the corner of the room was an angel who was around 7 ½ feet tall. He didn’t shine or have a glow like I would have imagined, nor did he have wings. However, I knew he was an angel because of his height and because he wore a Greek-like white robe. He was a tall and slender elderly man with a neatly trimmed beard that was perfectly edged. I would say that he looked like the actor Christopher Lee when he played Count Dooku, minus the light saber.

Immediately after I saw him, I mumbled, “This ain’t gonna be pretty!” because I knew I was going straight to hell.  Afterwards, we had a long discussion, but our mouths did not move. We conversed telepathically. Even though I was in spiritual form, I had all of my five senses. While I was talking to him in front of the television, I kept thinking, “Man, this TV is loud!”  Another interesting fact is that you are still the same person, even in the spiritual world. Since I get easily distracted, or what I call my “squirrel events,” I kept looking at the ceiling while I was talking telepathically with the angel.  I even wanted to jump up and touch one of the stars, which I would have done in real life.

I cannot remember our conversation, but it had to do with me being on the wrong trajectory to Heaven. Around this time, I realized that this angel was more of a “guide.”  

After our conversation, I hovered over the house, far enough to see that my house didn’t have a roof!  It looked like a doll house or a house on a movie set. Only the side walls existed. I looked at my living room which was well lit. My wife was in the kitchen cooking. Six feet from her was another ball of light. That’s when I noticed that this wasn’t a ball of light, but another angel in the kitchen with my wife.

After hovering over my house, I remember flying through the air. If I had to guess the altitude, I would say I was at an altitude of about 50,000 feet!  I remember flying over the Pacific Ocean at night and how the waves had small reflections of light, similar to how the moon shines on the ocean. Boy, was I flying!  I felt afraid because I wasn’t in control of where I was going. It felt like my spirit was thrown across the ocean. I went from Guam to Los Angeles, 6000 miles, in probably 10 seconds. I also felt homesick because I knew that I was far away from my body. I thought, “I need to get back into my body and start living right!”

After I arrived in Los Angeles, that’s when my whole “dimensional” thinking became spiritual.  I finally accepted that I was either dead or near death. I remember being in a bright orange/yellowish room.   The light wasn’t super bright; however, it illuminated the entire room. I knew instantly that this wasn’t any ordinary light, but the presence of God in the room.  It was as if the light was alive.  

There was a glass pane across the room, which separated the dimension I was in and life on Earth.  Even to this day, it’s hard for me to discuss this event because I was being judged on my past and future actions. I was shown how powerful your words or actions are. If you called someone fat 20 years ago, when you are judged, you will see and feel the “behind the scenes” of how your words affected them throughout their life. My past words made someone depressed in the future, to the point that it changed their life’s “trajectory.”   

Just dwell on this. Think about all of the kids that you probably teased or bullied in elementary school. Think about later in their life, that you were the person responsible for that kid eventually abusing drugs or hurting him or herself. Sorry, I know this was dark and too much, but I wanted to illustrate how Judgment Day will be.  

After watching this judgment event, I felt horrible and ashamed.  I didn’t break down and cry, but I wanted to distance myself from that room and the “Light.”  I even said to it, “Just take me straight to Hell.”  Afterwards, feeling ashamed I went walking down this path, thinking that it would lead me to Hell. Halfway down that path, I turned around and mumbled, “. . . and all I wanted to see was my birthday,” which was the very next day.  Suddenly, I was thrown back over the Pacific Ocean and into my body. I wish I had a camera in my bedroom because it felt like my body bounced up off the bed.  When I woke up, I was disoriented. I didn’t know where I was. I assumed that I had been judged somewhere else.  Seconds later, my wife came in the room singing “Happy Birthday” and holding a cake. I looked at the clock and it was exactly 12:00 AM, October 26, 1996, my 26th birthday!

After about a day or so, I went back to the hospital.  God blessed me with another doctor, fresh out of medical school. I could tell he was a Second Lieutenant. He said, “Let me run some labs to see what’s in your blood.” That is when Helicobacter Pylori came back positive. He prescribed me Tagamet and around three months of antibiotics, and it took around that time to totally eradicate it.  

After my experience, I started attending church and reading the Bible.  Most of all, I transitioned into a loving being who loved everyone, regardless of their race or economic status.

Woman doing drugs leaves body, feels love and acceptance

I was able to get some free time away from home and went to visit one of my friends. When I arrived another friend of my friend was there also. They were smoking wax and asked if I wanted to smoke and so I took a hit. I’ve tried wax once before and experienced anxiety and really didn't care for it. After taking a hit, I sat back down and took a few sips from my beer. I started feeling hot and then my hearing started to close. I knew I was in trouble but didn't let anyone know. I knew my friends were talking but I couldn't hear them. I could see their mouths moving through my blurry vision which was getting worse with each second. All while keeping how I was feeling to myself because I didn't want to ruin their high.

As my energy is getting weaker, my friend looks at me and I said I don't feel good. My friend told me to go lay down on the bed. I remember thinking I'm not going to make it but didn't tell them that and so I stood up, went to step towards the room and that's all I remember doing in my physical body at that time. My friends later told me that I got up and fell straight back with my knees bent and legs underneath my body.

I knew I came out my body but didn't see myself come out. I was in the light. I was one with the light. Many faces were coming up to me very quickly and saying hi,hi,hi.......I knew I knew them but couldn't make out exactly who they were. The feeling of unconditional love and acceptance was felt; no judgment, only pure love. Then I heard and felt the words, “it's not time. You need to go back.” And I didn't want to leave; my spirit was fighting it. It felt like I was going down, but I feel it was just me feeling my spirit go back into my body. I could see my energy body going back into my physical body and then I'd get the urge of transcending up wanting to go back.

I kept telling my energy body, “you need to stay in your body, it's not time, you can't go back yet." So finally, it stayed and I came back crying and saying over and over I don't want to come back. My friends filled me in on what they saw and heard with me being out of my body and they looked like they saw a ghost. Lol!

Young mother has OOB and conversation with being during surgery

Even now almost 15 years later, hardly a day goes by that I don’t think about my experience of going to the other side during surgery. I’m frustrated and I have been searching for answers. 

I was devastated when my father passed away and grieved his death for at least two years. During this time, I started having thyroid problems and found out I had a follicular cell tumor. It was a struggle to get good medical care and I remember when I finally went to the hospital for the surgery, I was lying on the table and the last thing I remember seeing was my female doctor looking over my face. And I remember thinking that I was surprised to see her because it was Dr. Kaplan who is doing the surgery. I found out later she was shocked that I knew she was in the surgery room. I guess she was just watching or observing because she said I should’ve been completely out by the time she got into the surgery room. 

What I remember about leaving my body was that I found myself in this space that was enveloped with white soft light. I felt like it was a room but there were no walls or floor. There was this table and it had a chess game board set up on it. It seemed like a long banquet table. There was some being in my left periphery but it was like I couldn’t see who was there and I couldn’t move my head and I don’t remember that I even tried to move my head. I just knew it was not going to work looking at this beach but I could see out of my right eye. I remember arriving to this space heavy hearted and weary, feeling like I had just finished a long journey.

One of the most frustrating things is I can’t remember the full conversation. I know it was clear when I woke up on the gurney table but it faded and only certain parts stand out. I remember this being asking me about my young daughter who I loved with all my heart. This seems to be the beginning of the conversation because I felt like I didn’t want to go back. I felt like I had done enough and I could leave and I was being asked about my daughter.  I remember saying that she had a really good father and for some reason I felt that that would’ve been enough for her. She was closer to her dad than she was to me.

And from there I know other issues were discussed. But the part of the discussion that stood out in my mind was being told me there was going to be another baby but I didn’t associate that for myself. I thought that would be something in our family. I remember this discussion made me feel maternal and the kind of feelings of love for your child and at that point once those feelings were restored in me that’s when I was sent back.

The next thing I knew I was gasping for air and I sat up on the gurney table. I was in the recovery room and all the tubes and IVs and things had been taken out of me and my table was pushed up against the wall. I felt hot all over and tried to talk because I had to pee. Dr. Kaplan, who had done my surgery, was nearby and came running over. He was trying to get me a bed pan or something but I ended up peeing all over myself. This was very strange to just be pushed off on a table like that.

I was disorientated and I think I was talking about where I had just been, you know kind of like how somebody would say, oh I just came from that store over there and I was talking to someone. Dr. Kaplan was not interested. They got me moved into a regular hospital bed and room. My skin felt like it was burning. I remember it felt like every nerve in my body was shaking, like my spiritual being could not adjust to living in this frequency zone. I got out of bed and tried to splash water on my face and wipe water on my arms and legs because I just felt like I was on fire everywhere. I remember feeling like I was tricked into wanting to come back to this place like this being got me to think about a happy moment for a second which enabled my path back to my body but really, I was back in hell.

The doctor told me people don’t act like this after they have thyroid surgery and my female doctor sent me to talk to a therapist but luckily, I had a good therapist and we worked on some of the things that had surfaced from the stress of my surgery. I kept thinking that who I had talked to must’ve been a good being, but she said we don’t know that. Things were OK for a while but then they got much worse.

The anxiety experience was at a level I had never dreamed possible. I had to walk around in circles in my house just to wear myself out and try not to think. I had several visits from the other side; on some occasions I heard angelic music and I could feel a presence nearby that comforted me.

One of the most perplexing experiences was seeing letters spelled out to me while I was asleep or in some kind of sleeping state and letters were spelled out one at a time and it was the word Grayson. I don’t recall ever hearing or seeing this word before but ever since then I see that word quite frequently and I’ve always wondered what it meant. That’s why when I was looking on YouTube and I saw the near-death experience videos I went to this website. [Bruce Greyson was one of the founders of IANDS.]

Time moves forward and the husband that I thought I was married to was not the person that I thought he was. He was such an interesting and intuitive person and I thought very highly of him. He always knew things before they happened and I thought he had my best interest at heart and I thought he was a good father. He’s the kind of person that can hold a compass and it would spin in circles and he couldn’t wear a wrist watch because the watch would stop within a few hours; he just had this electrical essence about him. In 2007 my daughter Zoey was born and we seemed like a happy family.

In 2010 my husband started letting me in on more things that were happening I guess in his head. He told me that he communicates with this blue light and he called it blue dude and that’s the entity that gave him a lot of information and he always talked about how it all worked with this point system. He even Took pictures of me and my oldest daughter with lights around our head and a whole bunch of other pictures of lights that he was able to photograph. He said it’s how energies move around, that they are entities and they call it riding the light. I was very interested in all of this but it turned very dark.

There is so much I don’t understand I don’t understand why this happened to me what I’m supposed to be learning from it and what I’m supposed to be doing but I do know I feel like I’m failing miserably. There is so much injustice and horrible things have happened to my children. 

I wish so much I could get back to that space and sit back down at that table and give that being a piece of my mind because if I was sent back to do something I’m supposed to do, I’m going to need some more help.

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