The following is my Near Death Experience (NDE) account. An NDE is when you die, go to the 'other-side', then
come back. This account is followed by a contrasting viewpoint regarding who we're told God is.
After being brought up strict Lutheran, believing in God, and born and raised in America, this NDE happened early in my life after high school and made possible by an accidental poisoning with no lasting side effects. However, many years later the realization was reached that a full recovery was never made adjusting back due to the gravity of the encounter. After having tasted spiritual perfection this worldly existence can be foreign and as bleak as one doing 'hard time'.
A great deal of pressure was also sensed. If one were permitted to witness the largest mystery of all time then surely they were expected to accomplish some monumental Super Hero task while back on earth. But, as it turns out, millions of people have had this happen to them.
During a recent phone conversation, a lady clarified that it was common to have issues readjusting, a process she termed “reintegration”, as she had an NDE herself. She is a psychologist and also heads a local support group for people with similar experiences. After hearing the description of my experience, she explained that this type of NDE experience is the hardest to recover from due to it's visceral and powerful nature, known as a “level 4” (the highest level) and said it is very rare among the NDE cases.
The details of this NDE are proceeding, but if you are 'religious', particularly a Christian, you will find some of the following assertions quite objectionable.
The initial awareness of this experience was of being suddenly and automatically transported to somewhere extremely fast which seemed near the speed of light. Strange was the sensation because this form of travel had never been experienced before, there was no vehicle, no recollection of a decision to travel, and no concept of transitioning to 'travel mode' - just suddenly I'm seeing this. There was no sense of having a body, just vision, but the movement was felt - subtle g-forces beneath my field of vision or within my being. Like when one take's off in a jet from stand-still, your body knows it's moving and the inside of you is being pushed or pulled, the force was never enough to be unsettling, though. This wasn't just confined within the mind of the traveler, it was literal relocation to another destination, and It seemed very impersonal for being alone and unsure.
There is no recollection of speaking or making any sound at all during the entire experience, just of being connected to, observing, listening, and soaking it all in. But the times when thoughts were present, they were intense, felt very private, and were very clear realizations and conclusions. My mind was extremely silent and incredibly clear, the only other sound other than thoughts was a complete and vast silence. I could 'hear' myself think, but not in an audible way - somehow my thoughts stood out with an intense clarity.
This rapid travel was in darkness, like the black of night, with faint lights or textures zooming by, or rather, I was zooming by them. At one point, the trajectory was an arc motion like flying around a very long bend. It was this very long gradual arc shaped travel that was the most memorable and dramatic, like when you go around a hard corner which makes you feel as though you might fly-out as it pushes you towards the outside. Rocketing within a tube-like shape was I, due to the tunnel vision that was created by this immeasurable speed. There is noway to describe how incredibly fast it was, but it was very fluid and smooth, and not at all jarring with no vibration.
Very surprised and slightly anxious was this commentator, as I knew this person was going very far away, and it didn't seem to last long but due to the sense of incredible speed it simultaneously seemed to take forever because of the great distance covered - like I'm leaving the galaxy! As though strapped into a silent rocket and all I could do was watch as things unfolded. No clue could be conceived as to what was going on because it was completely new, but it was very real...all of a sudden I'm being taken somewhere very far and very fast - where and how am I going?
The journey suddenly slowed way down, then this being stopped into a calm float where a sense of suspension was experienced, and everything became very open with much white. A scene before me of a giant ball of pure light with a cloud like structure extending from it's base, and toward me, was witnessed. On this thick, puffy cloud floor were multiple beings that looked like realistic posturing angels, and they lined this cloud to form a pathway as trees may line a country driveway. This motif was at my same level, but an outsider looking in was this awakening being - everything was more real than real, the most sharply vivid thing I have ever seen.
There was this incredible sense of awareness, peace, and visceral power...when I came out of the tunnel things were all opened-up to a sense of hugeness. Incredibly massive in size, my inner being rapidly grew without constraint, like a helium balloon that smoothly expands indefinitely but never bursts. Inside this balloon would be an intense light, warmth, and a still but flowing love unbound. There was still no consciousness of having a body, or arms, or legs, I just felt this power deep within and just below my field of vision like where the heart would be...but the sense was that this power expanded way out beyond a normal sized body - like out into the sky and filling the same. I did not breath this whole time and there was never any sense of weight...imagine a floating lantern that's spiritually tethered to and plugged-in to the very heart of God.
I gazed towards these beings that stood on and within this great white cloud, joined by the intense white light that was behind them, as everything was drenched in a pure and glowing white. Light was saturating everything. The cloud rose up among them slightly but was more dense around their feet, it was all awash in a beautiful and pure energy. The two rows of beings in front of me formed a 'vee' shape, perhaps seven on the left and three on the right, they were turned slightly towards me which also formed an isle for me to go in between, like at a wedding, but with a cloud floor. The isle narrowed as it got closer to that big ball of light. The isle was short and wide at it's mouth - they were maybe fifteen feet across from one another at it's entry point, and maybe five feet apart at the far, narrow end, which was nearly against this giant light. The beings were spaced about six feet apart from each other in their respective isles. It was a funnel shape and they were funneling me into this great light and greeting me, as I was automatically being drawn into this isle, and towards the bright sphere. This incredible sphere of light was maybe four or five times the height of the beings (the beings were average woman height). The sphere was beaming out intense energy and light in every direction with a seemingly uncontrollable amount of force.
At times, it was a little bit visually hazy, like my vision was clouded with a smokey cloud, but these beings had pure white full length gowns with occasional glistening gold accents around them. They had a human form and their heads were uncovered, I do not remember faces, but at the same time there were elements of extremely sharp and acute sights such as the shimmering of sharp gold-flash accents and very sharp beams of light. This whole time my vision was vastly superior to normal capabilities. These gowns reached up to just beneath their heads and close around their necks in a 'crew neck' type style, they were fitted but not snug around them, flowing straight down beyond their feet. The gowns were not tapered but more draped, with perhaps gentle length-wise waves...they were like traditional type gowns. They were shimmering pearlescent with a satin-like effect and had full length arms with the same material down to their wrists. The arms tapered towards the ends of the wrists but not tight. Completely elegant - a thing of pure beauty.
They were like something one might see in an old fashioned music box that has an elegant princess twirling that would cause a little girl to wonder as she listened to the music. They looked like and moved like women with a distinct feminine quality - a slow gracefulness, a gentleness, and a 'fluidness' while positioning their bodies and moving their arms and heads, and in their general motion. These were incredibly beautiful forms and were all similar size and height - average to thin build, with the same flowing gowns with medium to dark peach colored heads, my recollection won't allow me to differentiate between their faces and hair, just the general color of their heads overall. I don't even know who or what they were but they were so wonderful to me, it was a tremendous spectacle of beauty and love. I have never felt so welcome in all my life and never will again while I'm still here.
In retrospect this setting seemed to be organized like it was an official greeting of me. How could this be? It didn't take me that long to get there, but they were already ready for me.
This was all extremely vivid and sharp with hyper-acute senses, all of the sounds, sights, and feelings...everything was hyper-intensified. The great light beyond the beings was very bright but it did not hurt the eyes, I looked directly at it while completely filled with peace, while a spiritual chorus of joy, that was much deeper and broader than euphoria, coursed through my inner being and pushed outward and without limits. My inner being seemed to produce power, from the deepest heart within, was this immeasurable love and purity beaming out from this being with immense force - once you experience this power, everything else is a weak lie. The power of goodness, expanding and flowing out like millions of spotlights pushing outward from within this former human, in infinite directions were trillions of electric tons of pure but calm love and linear beauty...as I slowly floated forward ever increasing in goodness towards this unearthly pure and powerful light. Without question it was pure truth and love.
This power had a sense of warm pureness and lines, or individual threads, of light that contained infinite levity and 'outwardness'. It was calm, perfectly still, and radiant, but it was also an extremely intense energy. This power grew to be as large as the sky. The inner self of this man who became pure spirit was generating love, peace, and light, and it was pushing out in every direction...as if one turned a spotlight towards the night sky. I felt like that giant sphere looked, there was so much power, the power that you are granted in the next life is unthinkable in human form, and undefinable.
Finally, for once in my life I was plugged-in and belonged. I was connected and everything was right...HOME! This is where I'm meant to be! It was perfection.
A chorus that sounded like thousands of beautiful female voices rejoiced, and sang my name with an incredible graduated tonality - "P - a - u - l", in infinite layers of harmonies and melodies interacting perfectly with each other, slowly repeating, over and over. As though these very voices had a great power unto themselves. It was the most beautiful sounds ever heard, many different tones and levels all at once, but at the same time within one another, this vocal music permeated everything. I was completely overwhelmed by this spectacle, nothing was understood, my mind had not yet gathered-in this tremendous symphony of purity and generosity. The realization was not reached that they were greeting me, or that all this attention was for this meaningless man. Within, I looked around confused, as maybe there was some other thing that they were focusing on, as firstly I believed that this was just something that was already happening to which this clumsy intruder came upon as an unwitting observer...it was all so foreign, but at the same time I felt undeniably connected to it all.
Conversely, this situation that was entered upon in this 'next life' was for me, and it is the greatest gift ever received. What weary and bewildered man could easily accept this 'guest of honor' status, that this spectacle was about yourself, and what best intentioned person could ever imagine such a thing directed at them? I'm so thankful to those beings for treating me with such unearthly splendor, and for this amazing light, for drawing me into himself. For once in my life I had true value.
As though on some edge, I looked back, and down, and there was the Earth hung very low, still, and silent, in the immensity of the vast and black (but at the same time bright) outer-space, surrounded by faint stars - exactly as you've seen it on space imagery. This scene was absolutely enormous. Only when I saw the World from there, it did not seem grand at all, it seemed flat of power and pointless. The surface of the dry land of the earth seemed dim-witted, bland of life, and monotonous. It had a meaningless and very subtle "churn" of miniscule energy that was nearly imperceptible...the world had no "pulse". It was just a big, dull, dumbfounded thing that had pointless activity going on but nothing truly changed there. It just seemed vacant and there was barely any sense of energy, life, or force. Whatever network that thinks that they have power down here has nothing. Nothing but some pointless, silent, and nearly motionless 'grind'. It was far away, small, and void of purpose, voice, or a soul.
The sense was that if I were to go back to Earth, with this knowledge, that it would easily and radically change everything, everyone would be in awe of this new awareness of visiting the afterlife. I was excited about this for a moment. The world seemed like a very easy thing to change from the perspective of the afterlife. A part of me wanted to escape out of this situation and bring this story back. For whatever reason a vision of one centralized "throne" of power down on earth was had, while I was there, which was related to this knowledge that I could bring back.
But alas, having now returned to the form of a man, I can't accept that this world is structured to know or care what the truth is. In fact, one could contend that the truth is countered at every turn and intentionally kept hidden by our base-level controllers and manipulators, who are the very stewards of darkness. They wouldn't want us to have knowledge that we hold claim to an absolute freedom, which is accompanied by an enormous power, and true liberty. They would rather we looked down on ourselves as faulty and defective and in need of help and management by the 'enlightened ones'. Are we willing to believe them?
This world is all about slavery and bondage which begins in the spirit realm where unaware humans aren't as savvy as our clever adversaries. In truth, as long as we strive to be kind we are perfectly imperfect, without the need of correction and management from our evil slave-masters with their 'perfecting of humans' "Illumination" scheme. We were created imperfect ON PURPOSE, and striving for perfection is unnatural...and torture. So you can appreciate your imperfection as a thing of beauty and elegance perfected already by God.
But in this afterlife, it was like being on a very slow moving and floating conveyor belt, gradually moving closer-in, transitioning from seeing this motif of the beings on that 'wisping' cloud, and the intense white light behind them...to now beginning to be a part of it. Slowly floating forward until I was on the cloud and between them in the middle of this funnel shaped isle and past it's mouth. The white cloud could be seen near foot level, densely, and brimming up all around. It was not uniform but like an actual cloud you see in the sky, with many shapes, and there was whiteness backing every direction. This was all very vivid and surrounded by an intense glow of soft light as the beings were slowly drawn-in closer to me, to an approximate arms length away - I could sense their wonderful presence as well, as this chorus continued.
I recall seeing only one up close vividly, who was to my right, and slightly forward and a little bit higher than me within this cloud, her shoulders were elevated a little bit above mine - she was the most memorable. Around her there was sharp gold reflections with slow and gentle arm and body movements by her. She was turned towards me and faced me quite close, I remember her arms moving, particularly her left arm raised up towards me, but I do not remember what she was doing. She seemed to act completely on her own volition like there was no time constraint or concern on her part at all, she was interfacing with me to whatever point she wanted and everything was so natural and flowing. She had no intimidation of this great light or this ceremony, and neither did I. As she did something with me, I remember her left arm raised which showed material draping off her robe and from her, sort of like a toga. Her gown from this close of a distance seemed very 'draping' over her shoulders and arms, with much excess material, forming gentle folds and waves. Paused, I was facing her, as she reached out and raised her left arm towards me...it was stunningly beautiful with white purity and light all around. Sensed by me was some extremely loving gesture from her, revealing a very dear appreciation of me...overtaken by a state of complete awe and amazement, there was silence within me, simply living through this interaction. As the tremendous life-giving vocal chorus could still be heard and felt all around, I was left to just look around at these angelic beings who loved me beyond human imagination. In a daze of wonderment was I. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever been among.
They were so gracious to me, cherished me, and saw great value in me. They moved slowly, postured gracefully, and their types of movement were similar to each others - very elegant, gradual, and fluid. This whole moment was brimming with this pure white light as we were standing in this cloud and light, together. The feeling of suspension was still felt, and floating, as there was a gentle glow off their satiny white gowns. Immersed in this beauty is where the gold accents were most prominent, weather they were gold instruments or something else, occasional flashes were seen. These glares of gold were very sharp, and instant, but didn't hurt my eyes...as I remained paused interfacing with the being on my right. These beautiful beings were viewing me in a greeting way, it was very gentle, they seemed to have a knowledge of who and what I was. They had an intense and deeply beautiful appreciation of me, like my very presence brought incredible joy to these beings who know of love perfected.
I believe that she was the last being in the isle to my right. Next was the light itself, at one point I turned to this great light, and everything is turning pure white...eventually nothing can be seen but white. Automatically drawn-in to this great light and now right up against it was this solitary creature, about to learn more of the unknowable. It became a wall of white light which was intensely dramatic with good feelings - no way to explain. The sense of a complete transformation of this powerful goodness began to have a 'morphing' effect on me, inside. My very being was going to change - 'who I am', and I was being saturated with love and transforming into this new super-being. This power was recreating me and about to 'flash' a new being into existence. It was extraordinarily bright and I was slowly going past a very fine threshold and now entering into the light itself, going inside the sphere. I felt my insides radically begin to change into another type of being, like the feeling before you go unconscious, but this was with the power of God's great love.
The power was becoming so great that even in this new highly-elevated state of the afterlife, I knew something about me was about to change dramatically and beyond explanation, or reversal. In that moment I realized exactly what was happening, it was like spiritual birth canal that I was entering into with a sharp change beginning to take place, which was the point of no return. A realm that is so far beyond any concept or words and impossible to begin to imagine. If I would have remained one moment longer, one fraction of a millimeter farther, the sudden belief was that I never would have or could have come back, which was realized in that instant...it was so good, so complete, so right. It was like I was being born.
An official transformation into something which was the most unearthly, pure, bright, and powerful sensation to the infinite degree. We are unable to conceptualize, let alone express, who and what God is. Words could never describe this pure and beautiful power that expanded without restriction or bounds - limitless.
Becoming one with that light, being absorbed into it, and becoming a part of the light, I finally realized I was entering into what I knew of at the time as "Heaven". I believe that the great light was what we know of as “God”. I was being greeted into the pack, brought into my family, and born unto God. They loved me very greatly. The amount of appreciation for me was astonishing.
Once this realization was made, you could say that I 'willed' myself back to earth. I reacted, and turned away immediately, a turning and diving motion from within just as soon as this point of no return was sensed. I did not want to die from earth in that moment, it did not seem like the right time, my life seemed unfinished or incomplete, this sudden death seemed unexpected, premature, and inappropriate in it's timing - it seemed "unright".
Surprise was sensed for being dead from this Earth, finally realizing that my earth life had passed, 'just like that', and I'm here now in the place that I've often wondered about! Dead and gone from what and where I knew - it's down there, the Earth, I'm not there anymore! In your life you wonder when you're going to die, and I was up there thinking, 'okay, so that's when I'm going to die, I'm dead right now, it already happened, the mystery is over, wow, that was instant and unexpected...and already over!'. 'No way, it can't be the right time, it's to fast!' - a truly strange perspective, in retrospect.
These were instantaneous flash-realizations that were occurring in my mind in stages, something big was transpiring and I was sorting it all out moment by moment as it took place, that is, when I wasn't in a completely mesmerized state by this beauty and power. Flashes of recognition or assessments of the situation where my mind was able to detach and think. I felt like I needed to act quick and rash which was done without hesitation. A conscious decision was made, and a determined effort was put forth to reject this, at that time. A strange decision indeed, but it seemed like the thing to do. This is when I woke up back in my body, and someone from earth was there with me, calling my name into my ear.
In conclusion, nobody ever knew I died (no hospital, etc) and it was kept a secret for many years, until recently. This is the most real, vivid, and powerful thing that has ever happened to me in this lifetime. The day after, a different person was I, and this new person was unknown...the person I used to be was suddenly gone. A strong identification with this world was no longer possible and the bridge to my past was burned down. Fear of death and sorrow for those who died no longer existed. It's easy to surmise from this experience that I am an extremely important and valuable being...no different than you.
These ever-giving entities could not have treated me better and no better feeling could have been had. Before this happened I did nothing notable in life and was (and am) an ordinary person. In the afterlife there was no "accountability", no different levels for different people, and no questioning. It was the opposite of fear, hierarchy, or status...it was the very definition of "unconditional love".